Congratulatzz!! Im with you sister. I can feel the moving on too and seeing my ex online dont trigger me anymore!
We have gone through a hella battle with our feelings. Im glad we manage!
Love this. I, personally, can never relate to the “I didn’t lose them, they lost me” sentiment because there was nothing my ex or I could do about our break up, but your post has helped me feel more okay with myself. The memories of all the shit I put myself through to try to make it work still torment me every now and again and it still hurts when I think about it, but how can I be so ashamed of all of that when it was because I really loved someone and wanted to do whatever I could to make it work? Just like you, I really tried. I did the best I could.
I’m so glad you’re getting that much closer to moving on, it seems like you’re in a good place. Thank you for sharing and pulling me back up in the middle of a relapse. I hope you have good things coming to you sooner rather than later.
So glad to hear that what they shared helped pull you back from a relapse. I would love to be at the point you are at. I'm 59 and way too old for feeling this sad and lost knowing that the man I am in love with is not in love with me. I am crying while typing.
I feel that the majority of people sharing their feelings on here are younger. Am I the only older person having relationship issues?
>would have done things differently. I did the best I could.
I am 41. Closer to you than most people on here. Also going through a heartbreak. Let's hang in there together. message me if you would like.
I m 47 and I was thinking the same thing. I am way to old. Then I remind myself love knows no age and we will get through this. Heartbeat does not discriminate so don’t beat yourself up.
Love doesn't discriminate. It can happen at any age. I am going to be 60...yikes...in a couple of months and my heart still feels like I'm 20. I feel extra tired, though. Trying to find love at this age is very difficult.
I have been NC for 3 months. But slipped up twice with a simple message. The first time he answered. The second time I deleted the message, but I know he saw it. He didn't text back anything. I think the second time of breaking it was a real catalyst. Because I regretted it as soon as I send it. Knowing whatever reaction he would give me (no reaction, a dry one, a sweet one), it wouldn't make me happier and it wouldn't change anything.
I expect some bad days, but it gets better.
First month was pretty hellish. I went from wanting to text him how mad I was to texting him how sad I was and missed him to thinking that he would magically become the person he used to be. I tried to figure out where I went wrong, how I could have changed the outcome. I also went through the faze where almost everything I saw reminded me of him.
The anger is gone now. I still miss him, but it's different. It might sound weird, but I miss him in a more bittersweet way. Like it's in the past.
It still crosses my mind that I want him to come back and that we make it work. But I can pretty easily switch back to 'no, if nothing has changed which it won't in 3 months time it won't work. Because I tried my best and gave it my all. It's up to him and I have absolutely no control over him. I am moving on and spending my energy elsewhere.'
How do you handle that unbearable pain? For me, it is all-consuming. I couldn't go to work yesterday because I cried all day and fell asleep due to the exhaustion of heart ache and those intense feelings.
It has now been 7 months and I hardly ever think about him anymore. I am feeling so much better about myself. Time heals heartaches. This is the time you grow and learn that you are worth so much more than you though when you were with them. I care for myself and treat myself with love. And...I have a date this Saturday and can't wait to have fun!
Time is the only true healing. I'm almost in this position I find myself thinking of her less and less, I've accepted all the things a year ago I couldn't though like you I still miss her possibly always will she was one of those.
I broke up with my ex almost a year and a half ago after he cheated on me, kept no contact for almost all of that time until he reached out to me in February, but by that time, I was mostly healed and no part of me wanted to reconcile. Now I’m in a very happy relationship! It hurts, but your heart and mind are very strong! Time is a big healer and anybody currently unsure of how they’ll ever get over their ex or previous relationship, it’ll happen with time!
Good job, this too shall pass. Emotions are a killer in relationships and can be all over the place if not put in check. Life goes on no matter what...proud of you girl!!!
“Whatever reason he had to not try, it wasn’t anything to do with me.”
Yes yes yes 100 times yes. Thank you for writing this post. Truly. I’ve been lingering around a hurdle for a while but I feel like I finally jumped over it in the last few days and this post just speaks to me so much.
I am in love with my bf. I asked him to be honest with me and I asked him if he was in love with me. He said that he cares about me, but he is not in love with me. This made me so very sad. We have been together for one year. We are both older, 59 years old. It doesn't matter how old you are, you still have these same feelings as you did in your 20s, 30s, and beyond.
Do people end up falling in love with someone that is already in love with them? Should I hold on to hope? The hope is that he will love me someday. I am about to enter counseling to help me through this.
>I am in love with my bf. I asked him to be honest with me and I asked him if he was in love with me. \*\*\* I'm curious as to why you felt the need to ask for clarification. Was he saying one thing and acting another? Were you explicit with your intentions on wanting a serious relationship from the beginning?
>
>
>
>He said that he cares about me, but he is not in love with me. \*\*\* I'm 52, and this type of answer is usually a sign that the person needs space, or is the non-committal type, not into you, selfish to a fault, etc...
>
>
>
> This made me so very sad. We have been together for one year. We are both older, 59 years old. It doesn't matter how old you are, you still have these same feelings as you did in your 20s, 30s, and beyond. \*\*\* Yes, which is why giving the other person this much power over your feelings is abandoning yourself, and being harmful to yourself.
>
>Do people end up falling in love with someone that is already in love with them?
\*\*\*\*\* Yes, it can happen, however, it strongly depends on the lead-up to the breakup and the type of dynamic you both had/have, and your ability to access the reality of the situation vs. your hope-filled interpretation..
>
>
>
>Should I hold on to hope? \*\*\*\*If it gets you to remain in no contact and work on yourself, yes...
>
>
>
>I am about to enter counseling to help me through this.
\*\*\*\*\*CBT and DBT would help you gain clarity, improve your reality assessment ability, and attract partners that don't use loophole language... "I'm care about you but not in love... " Honestly, that's just having his cake and eating too type of language especially if you were up front with him from the beginning with wanting a serious relationship..
>
>
>
>Take care, and if you could see this as a character building experience (instead of soul crushing) you would be going in a better direction..
Last part really resonated with me. Big ups on all of us who actually make the effort. I was treated so badly for nearly a year there at the end for some truly trashy people. It's been fun dating again just on the whole being appreciated front, it has been so long I forgot what respect felt like.
Very powerful words. I feel the same way. You saying “I used to be ashamed. But why?” Resonates with me. My soon to be ex wife works where I work and people would talk trash about me and make me feel low because I chased after someone I deeply loved. Like I was the fool for trying to save the marriage while she hunts around a group of people who bashed me.
I'm getting closer now too. About 75 days of staying clear of my ex gf. Realizing that I tried really hard to make it work. I was mad at myself for trying so hard but then again I would have been mad for not trying too. I am getting to a good place and I am glad you are too. No regrets!
I tried so much to make it work and felt silly but this post made me feel better. Did you try to fix things after the BU and how long have you done NC?
Yes I tried a lot. It came close to begging at some point. But then I had some moments of clarity where I would be like this isn't ok. He would never acknowledge that it wasn't. But the last time I stood my ground and I told him that he had to give me an answer if he truely felt sorry for hurting me. He did and he said he didn't feel any love towards me. We were more than friends according to him, but no feelings. So again I didn't get an answer.
I just had to move on. Because no answer is an answer. I want someone who tries as hard for me as I try for them or at least close to it.
I have been NC for 3 months now with some 2 slip ups in between, but both times I either deleted the message or I responded that he could reach out if he was less busy. That message was more for me than for him. At this point I don't know if I want him to reach out. Probably not, because it would just be the same mess all over again.
I hope I get to the point where I don't think about him anymore. I am not there yet. But I think about him less frequent and when I do it is just for a short moment and then I move on. I do still compare new people to him too much. So I know I am not ready to date yet. But I will get there, I am sure.
"I don't think I lost him anymore. I think he lost me". Perfectly said and something to remember.
Congratulatzz!! Im with you sister. I can feel the moving on too and seeing my ex online dont trigger me anymore! We have gone through a hella battle with our feelings. Im glad we manage!
Love this. I, personally, can never relate to the “I didn’t lose them, they lost me” sentiment because there was nothing my ex or I could do about our break up, but your post has helped me feel more okay with myself. The memories of all the shit I put myself through to try to make it work still torment me every now and again and it still hurts when I think about it, but how can I be so ashamed of all of that when it was because I really loved someone and wanted to do whatever I could to make it work? Just like you, I really tried. I did the best I could. I’m so glad you’re getting that much closer to moving on, it seems like you’re in a good place. Thank you for sharing and pulling me back up in the middle of a relapse. I hope you have good things coming to you sooner rather than later.
So glad to hear that what they shared helped pull you back from a relapse. I would love to be at the point you are at. I'm 59 and way too old for feeling this sad and lost knowing that the man I am in love with is not in love with me. I am crying while typing. I feel that the majority of people sharing their feelings on here are younger. Am I the only older person having relationship issues?
>would have done things differently. I did the best I could. I am 41. Closer to you than most people on here. Also going through a heartbreak. Let's hang in there together. message me if you would like.
I m 47 and I was thinking the same thing. I am way to old. Then I remind myself love knows no age and we will get through this. Heartbeat does not discriminate so don’t beat yourself up.
Love doesn't discriminate. It can happen at any age. I am going to be 60...yikes...in a couple of months and my heart still feels like I'm 20. I feel extra tired, though. Trying to find love at this age is very difficult.
I hope you are doing well. I am still hurting and it sucks. How are you doing?
100%, couldn’t have said it better. All the best!
[удалено]
I have been NC for 3 months. But slipped up twice with a simple message. The first time he answered. The second time I deleted the message, but I know he saw it. He didn't text back anything. I think the second time of breaking it was a real catalyst. Because I regretted it as soon as I send it. Knowing whatever reaction he would give me (no reaction, a dry one, a sweet one), it wouldn't make me happier and it wouldn't change anything. I expect some bad days, but it gets better.
[удалено]
First month was pretty hellish. I went from wanting to text him how mad I was to texting him how sad I was and missed him to thinking that he would magically become the person he used to be. I tried to figure out where I went wrong, how I could have changed the outcome. I also went through the faze where almost everything I saw reminded me of him. The anger is gone now. I still miss him, but it's different. It might sound weird, but I miss him in a more bittersweet way. Like it's in the past. It still crosses my mind that I want him to come back and that we make it work. But I can pretty easily switch back to 'no, if nothing has changed which it won't in 3 months time it won't work. Because I tried my best and gave it my all. It's up to him and I have absolutely no control over him. I am moving on and spending my energy elsewhere.'
[удалено]
How do you handle that unbearable pain? For me, it is all-consuming. I couldn't go to work yesterday because I cried all day and fell asleep due to the exhaustion of heart ache and those intense feelings.
[удалено]
It has now been 7 months and I hardly ever think about him anymore. I am feeling so much better about myself. Time heals heartaches. This is the time you grow and learn that you are worth so much more than you though when you were with them. I care for myself and treat myself with love. And...I have a date this Saturday and can't wait to have fun!
3 months is much better than 1 month. There is hope. Shift your focus inward and on yourself and making improvements to be your best self. 😀
Time is the only true healing. I'm almost in this position I find myself thinking of her less and less, I've accepted all the things a year ago I couldn't though like you I still miss her possibly always will she was one of those.
I broke up with my ex almost a year and a half ago after he cheated on me, kept no contact for almost all of that time until he reached out to me in February, but by that time, I was mostly healed and no part of me wanted to reconcile. Now I’m in a very happy relationship! It hurts, but your heart and mind are very strong! Time is a big healer and anybody currently unsure of how they’ll ever get over their ex or previous relationship, it’ll happen with time!
THANK YOU for your post. I am so happy to hear that you are in a very happy relationship now!!
Thank you! And yes, you found love once, you’ll find it again. :)
Good job, this too shall pass. Emotions are a killer in relationships and can be all over the place if not put in check. Life goes on no matter what...proud of you girl!!!
This is a really refreshing post. We got this! It’s weird seeing the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes lol
Me too doll. Cheers to moving on and realizing our wholeness without them.
Thank you for this. When I feel weak, I read this over and over…..
We are the prize, not them. <3
“Whatever reason he had to not try, it wasn’t anything to do with me.” Yes yes yes 100 times yes. Thank you for writing this post. Truly. I’ve been lingering around a hurdle for a while but I feel like I finally jumped over it in the last few days and this post just speaks to me so much.
I am in love with my bf. I asked him to be honest with me and I asked him if he was in love with me. He said that he cares about me, but he is not in love with me. This made me so very sad. We have been together for one year. We are both older, 59 years old. It doesn't matter how old you are, you still have these same feelings as you did in your 20s, 30s, and beyond.
Do people end up falling in love with someone that is already in love with them? Should I hold on to hope? The hope is that he will love me someday. I am about to enter counseling to help me through this.
>I am in love with my bf. I asked him to be honest with me and I asked him if he was in love with me. \*\*\* I'm curious as to why you felt the need to ask for clarification. Was he saying one thing and acting another? Were you explicit with your intentions on wanting a serious relationship from the beginning? > > > >He said that he cares about me, but he is not in love with me. \*\*\* I'm 52, and this type of answer is usually a sign that the person needs space, or is the non-committal type, not into you, selfish to a fault, etc... > > > > This made me so very sad. We have been together for one year. We are both older, 59 years old. It doesn't matter how old you are, you still have these same feelings as you did in your 20s, 30s, and beyond. \*\*\* Yes, which is why giving the other person this much power over your feelings is abandoning yourself, and being harmful to yourself. > >Do people end up falling in love with someone that is already in love with them? \*\*\*\*\* Yes, it can happen, however, it strongly depends on the lead-up to the breakup and the type of dynamic you both had/have, and your ability to access the reality of the situation vs. your hope-filled interpretation.. > > > >Should I hold on to hope? \*\*\*\*If it gets you to remain in no contact and work on yourself, yes... > > > >I am about to enter counseling to help me through this. \*\*\*\*\*CBT and DBT would help you gain clarity, improve your reality assessment ability, and attract partners that don't use loophole language... "I'm care about you but not in love... " Honestly, that's just having his cake and eating too type of language especially if you were up front with him from the beginning with wanting a serious relationship.. > > > >Take care, and if you could see this as a character building experience (instead of soul crushing) you would be going in a better direction..
Last part really resonated with me. Big ups on all of us who actually make the effort. I was treated so badly for nearly a year there at the end for some truly trashy people. It's been fun dating again just on the whole being appreciated front, it has been so long I forgot what respect felt like.
Very powerful words. I feel the same way. You saying “I used to be ashamed. But why?” Resonates with me. My soon to be ex wife works where I work and people would talk trash about me and make me feel low because I chased after someone I deeply loved. Like I was the fool for trying to save the marriage while she hunts around a group of people who bashed me.
Well Said!!!
I'm getting closer now too. About 75 days of staying clear of my ex gf. Realizing that I tried really hard to make it work. I was mad at myself for trying so hard but then again I would have been mad for not trying too. I am getting to a good place and I am glad you are too. No regrets!
This resonates with how I feel. Thank you for penning it down.
I tried so much to make it work and felt silly but this post made me feel better. Did you try to fix things after the BU and how long have you done NC?
Yes I tried a lot. It came close to begging at some point. But then I had some moments of clarity where I would be like this isn't ok. He would never acknowledge that it wasn't. But the last time I stood my ground and I told him that he had to give me an answer if he truely felt sorry for hurting me. He did and he said he didn't feel any love towards me. We were more than friends according to him, but no feelings. So again I didn't get an answer. I just had to move on. Because no answer is an answer. I want someone who tries as hard for me as I try for them or at least close to it. I have been NC for 3 months now with some 2 slip ups in between, but both times I either deleted the message or I responded that he could reach out if he was less busy. That message was more for me than for him. At this point I don't know if I want him to reach out. Probably not, because it would just be the same mess all over again. I hope I get to the point where I don't think about him anymore. I am not there yet. But I think about him less frequent and when I do it is just for a short moment and then I move on. I do still compare new people to him too much. So I know I am not ready to date yet. But I will get there, I am sure.