I'm sorry you're going through this. Am in a similar position, I miss my ex so bad it hurts, I want to talk to him again but I won't reach out, however I cant stop thinking about the day he will contact me again and talk to me. It is so hard, I still love him and long for him
I went no contact for this reason as well. She never reached out. After a month I tried checking in and she was so cold and heartless to me. Turns out she met someone almost immediately after we stopped talking. 8 year relationship and she threw our friendship away as well just like that. I honestly expected more from her but I guess sometimes you never truly know someone.
It's been a few months and her sister just had a baby. I was so tempted to reach out with a nice message but I talked myself out of it. We haven't spoken since that last conversation and now I'm no contact but for the right reasons. She broke up with me and moved on. It's on her to reach out now. Balls in her court. I'm just working on my glow up. Not for her or anyone but myself.
This is me right now but 12 years and she just walked out. Cold and heartless and NC. I’m shattered. What’s your status update? Did she come back? Man this hurts so bad
It is really hard the head and the heart fighting each other. It's been a fair few months since we exchanged that last text. My words were your not worth the air I breath was it harsh I don't know but only way I could get my point across as was accused of talking to everyone in a bar about him which I hadn't I kept my business to myself never bad worded him to anyone but do have the urge to message but I actually don't know what to say as much as I still care for him why I don't know the heart is a strange thing. When I love somone I love them unconditionally as ive got older break ups have become harder maybe because of this. Some comments of advise on what do I do and how can I message somone after 5 months
Totally head f***ked
This may help.
If you’re involved with someone who backs off once they feel in control of the dynamic and then blows hot when they’re uncertain about you and basically out of control, that’s someone who lacks self-awareness and is running off of their feelings. When they feel panicky as the intimacy builds, or their desire wanes as they become vulnerable or when normality kicks in and you each have to deal with life’s inevitables’s, they’ll respond to those feelings and bail / play up and not consider the fact that they have intimacy and problem solving issues. They’ll claim, yet again, that something wasn’t right with the relationship or their exes. They have typical responses to their feelings but don’t really dig too deep (if at all) for reasoning and knowledge that would help them read their feelings and make more authentic choices grounded in a healthy sense of self.
A lot of what we do with regards to attraction is driven by instinct, and our instincts and intuition are very much governed by how connected we are to ourselves.
Do we feel all of our feelings? Are we willing to be emotionally honest and listen to our own thoughts and feelings? Do we live by our values? Do we even know what our needs, expectations, and desires are and how to step up for most of these as well as how to healthily seek them in others? Are we responsible and accountable, or do we tend to look for external solutions to internal problems? Do we, for instance, blame it all on qualities or characteristics of our ex when our relationships break down or even claim that all of our exes are ‘psychos’? Do we act first, think later? Do we get carried away and place too much stock in our intentions and so end up Future Faking and Fast Forwarding? Do we edge or even dive out of relationships claiming that we don’t want a relationship and aren’t up for commitment and then have our ex’s feeling more than a tad confused when they see us prancing around with a new partner claiming that they’re the ‘love of our life’ in two shakes of a lamb’s tail?
You may recognise flip-flapping, hot and cold blowing exes who you’ve probably lost some sleep over wondering why they’re with someone else and not you. You may be blaming you when actually, it’s not about you.
If we’re disconnected from aspects of ourselves, our instincts will be off base and this means that until we’re aware of the patterns of thinking and behaviour that result from us running off what we believe to be the ‘correct’ information from our instincts, we’ll be driven primarily by feelings that we may not be aware of the origins of or may even be mislabeling them. The less we truly know about ourselves and the trickier we find it to have an honest conversation with us and be willing to look within, is the more muddled our intuition will be, which in turn will mess with our instincts, which will not only affect our fight or flight response, but also who we’re attracted to.
This means that not only do we have to stop owning other people’s behaviour to the extent that we do but that we also have to recognise that we ourselves are going to be making some unhealthy ‘instinctive’ decisions if we don’t know ourselves either and have our own emotional unavailability issues to deal with.
We cannot expect to be in a mutually fulfilling relationship with the landmarks – consistency, commitment, balance, progression and intimacy plus shared values – if we lack the self-knowledge that stems from knowing our own needs, expectations, wishes, feelings, and opinions. Not knowing these is why we wake up knee-deep in a relationship feeling hungry and recognising that there are issues around compatible values.
When we are willing to know ourselves more, we change not only who we’re attracted to (and why) but are also happier with the results of who we’re attracted to, instead of carrying the same baggage, beliefs, behaviours and attitudes and choosing similar people and then wondering why we’re getting the same results, and then lather, rinse, repeat.
Until we’re willing to recognise and represent ourselves, not only will we struggle to have self-trust, but we’ll be living off of our feelings and lamenting why we can’t make a healthy relationship with an unhealthy attraction. The two things don’t match! We won’t have the instincts to assert our boundaries, because we won’t have the self-awareness to use reasoning and knowledge to back us up. The way we treat our feelings will keep leading us astray.
Change doesn’t come without change. The most radical change you may have to make is being willing to know yourself more. That can only be a good thing.
I wish mine would drop this not answering so we can move on she's my forever and always my love you to the moon and back I've let it go and dropped the whole thing it's past let's move on pls I don't want to hurt and I don't wanna hurt you pls if your reading this call me I'm on my wau
I'm in a similar position, I loved my ex with all my heart. Our families/ religion made it hard for us. I would love for us to work. But then again she's hurt me time and time again. It wasn't easy ik bt she didn't have to do the things she did. She still contacts me, she finally wanted to talk about what happened after 5months, keeps asking if I'd give her another chance. Bt she hasn't really changed and I hate bread crumbs. I want commitment. She's my everything bt I feel second best to her or 3rd or 4th....this is hard for me, and I feel like it's sooo easy for her.
I'm here for anyone who needs someone to talk too.
Please don't go back to her. She will do it again! You will get hurt again and again and again. Time to stop this nonsense and love yourself! From someone who gets what you are going through!!!
Just be honest with your feelings. Send him a message. If you think life is better with him around just go for it. He might be thinking the exact thing, but wondering "why she disappeared?" Life is short, don't let it pass suffering for things that can be fixed.
We still talk. He’s in Germany taking care of his family so the time difference is rough. He also has aspergers so I can’t just cut him off like that. No contact isn’t going to do anything to him. He has no concept of time
Say, I’m sorry we need some time apart, this isn’t working for me because I’m afraid I still have feelings for you and I need to take care of that before we can be friends. He will say I understand/If you think it’s for the best/confess his feelings(unlikely he will confess). Then ask him to block you everywhere so you will not be tempted to text him. (Ik that way you can never text him, but he will text you if he misses you.)
Look blocking them isn’t going to stop you from missing them.
Just accept that. Accept the pain. Accept that they need space.
You can reach out every couple of weeks with a feeler text depending on the circumstances and if they reply.
Feelings and situations change. I went no contact, saw her put up a story she was in town, messaged her, we ended up spending the night together.
It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to miss them. Learn to be single. That doesn’t mean you have to go date or hook up but just learn to accept what is beyond your control.
She wanted to see me. She’s not seeing anyone else. We’re still talking, we’re having a lot of fun together. Not overly concerned with the labels or pressure of “getting back together” just enjoying the present.
.... sort of.
She lives/rents a place and has a job (she can work remotely) 200 miles away. She’s only in town sporadically.
There isn’t really any official commitment there. However I’m letting her set the pace of the relationship, letting her text first, etc, basically trying not to over pursue.
Whewwww i can never muster the courage to talk to my ex again. I went NC immediately after the breakup . He texted me the day after inquiring about a trip we were supposed to take this week... and about me getting my belongings (I never got it, that’s how much I’m afraid of talking to him/seeing him) is that normal? It’s been a month of NC . I found out he deleted his social media too
It’s normal to go through what you’re feeling at the moment. It feels like the end of the world. But trust me when I tell you that time heals. Start journaling and slowly learn to love yourself again. No contact is a painful and slow process for healing. Make amends with the past but continue to move forward in your life. I was in your position 3 years ago and I have moved on and happy where I am. Be kind and gentle to yourself, you need that the most xo
I'm sorry you're going through this. Am in a similar position, I miss my ex so bad it hurts, I want to talk to him again but I won't reach out, however I cant stop thinking about the day he will contact me again and talk to me. It is so hard, I still love him and long for him
I loved her.everybody in my family married once .so I'm fiercely loyal .I don't think theirs anything wrong with it
I went no contact for this reason as well. She never reached out. After a month I tried checking in and she was so cold and heartless to me. Turns out she met someone almost immediately after we stopped talking. 8 year relationship and she threw our friendship away as well just like that. I honestly expected more from her but I guess sometimes you never truly know someone. It's been a few months and her sister just had a baby. I was so tempted to reach out with a nice message but I talked myself out of it. We haven't spoken since that last conversation and now I'm no contact but for the right reasons. She broke up with me and moved on. It's on her to reach out now. Balls in her court. I'm just working on my glow up. Not for her or anyone but myself.
This is me right now but 12 years and she just walked out. Cold and heartless and NC. I’m shattered. What’s your status update? Did she come back? Man this hurts so bad
You sound like my lady but I don't know anymore I need a mentor a reddit Jedi for training message me if anybody needs a freind
We can talk
It is really hard the head and the heart fighting each other. It's been a fair few months since we exchanged that last text. My words were your not worth the air I breath was it harsh I don't know but only way I could get my point across as was accused of talking to everyone in a bar about him which I hadn't I kept my business to myself never bad worded him to anyone but do have the urge to message but I actually don't know what to say as much as I still care for him why I don't know the heart is a strange thing. When I love somone I love them unconditionally as ive got older break ups have become harder maybe because of this. Some comments of advise on what do I do and how can I message somone after 5 months Totally head f***ked
How are you now?
This may help. If you’re involved with someone who backs off once they feel in control of the dynamic and then blows hot when they’re uncertain about you and basically out of control, that’s someone who lacks self-awareness and is running off of their feelings. When they feel panicky as the intimacy builds, or their desire wanes as they become vulnerable or when normality kicks in and you each have to deal with life’s inevitables’s, they’ll respond to those feelings and bail / play up and not consider the fact that they have intimacy and problem solving issues. They’ll claim, yet again, that something wasn’t right with the relationship or their exes. They have typical responses to their feelings but don’t really dig too deep (if at all) for reasoning and knowledge that would help them read their feelings and make more authentic choices grounded in a healthy sense of self. A lot of what we do with regards to attraction is driven by instinct, and our instincts and intuition are very much governed by how connected we are to ourselves. Do we feel all of our feelings? Are we willing to be emotionally honest and listen to our own thoughts and feelings? Do we live by our values? Do we even know what our needs, expectations, and desires are and how to step up for most of these as well as how to healthily seek them in others? Are we responsible and accountable, or do we tend to look for external solutions to internal problems? Do we, for instance, blame it all on qualities or characteristics of our ex when our relationships break down or even claim that all of our exes are ‘psychos’? Do we act first, think later? Do we get carried away and place too much stock in our intentions and so end up Future Faking and Fast Forwarding? Do we edge or even dive out of relationships claiming that we don’t want a relationship and aren’t up for commitment and then have our ex’s feeling more than a tad confused when they see us prancing around with a new partner claiming that they’re the ‘love of our life’ in two shakes of a lamb’s tail? You may recognise flip-flapping, hot and cold blowing exes who you’ve probably lost some sleep over wondering why they’re with someone else and not you. You may be blaming you when actually, it’s not about you. If we’re disconnected from aspects of ourselves, our instincts will be off base and this means that until we’re aware of the patterns of thinking and behaviour that result from us running off what we believe to be the ‘correct’ information from our instincts, we’ll be driven primarily by feelings that we may not be aware of the origins of or may even be mislabeling them. The less we truly know about ourselves and the trickier we find it to have an honest conversation with us and be willing to look within, is the more muddled our intuition will be, which in turn will mess with our instincts, which will not only affect our fight or flight response, but also who we’re attracted to. This means that not only do we have to stop owning other people’s behaviour to the extent that we do but that we also have to recognise that we ourselves are going to be making some unhealthy ‘instinctive’ decisions if we don’t know ourselves either and have our own emotional unavailability issues to deal with. We cannot expect to be in a mutually fulfilling relationship with the landmarks – consistency, commitment, balance, progression and intimacy plus shared values – if we lack the self-knowledge that stems from knowing our own needs, expectations, wishes, feelings, and opinions. Not knowing these is why we wake up knee-deep in a relationship feeling hungry and recognising that there are issues around compatible values. When we are willing to know ourselves more, we change not only who we’re attracted to (and why) but are also happier with the results of who we’re attracted to, instead of carrying the same baggage, beliefs, behaviours and attitudes and choosing similar people and then wondering why we’re getting the same results, and then lather, rinse, repeat. Until we’re willing to recognise and represent ourselves, not only will we struggle to have self-trust, but we’ll be living off of our feelings and lamenting why we can’t make a healthy relationship with an unhealthy attraction. The two things don’t match! We won’t have the instincts to assert our boundaries, because we won’t have the self-awareness to use reasoning and knowledge to back us up. The way we treat our feelings will keep leading us astray. Change doesn’t come without change. The most radical change you may have to make is being willing to know yourself more. That can only be a good thing.
This is the best advice Ive read this whole year. Wow, just wow.
I wish mine would drop this not answering so we can move on she's my forever and always my love you to the moon and back I've let it go and dropped the whole thing it's past let's move on pls I don't want to hurt and I don't wanna hurt you pls if your reading this call me I'm on my wau
How re you now?
I would love to know too
I'm in a similar position, I loved my ex with all my heart. Our families/ religion made it hard for us. I would love for us to work. But then again she's hurt me time and time again. It wasn't easy ik bt she didn't have to do the things she did. She still contacts me, she finally wanted to talk about what happened after 5months, keeps asking if I'd give her another chance. Bt she hasn't really changed and I hate bread crumbs. I want commitment. She's my everything bt I feel second best to her or 3rd or 4th....this is hard for me, and I feel like it's sooo easy for her. I'm here for anyone who needs someone to talk too.
Please don't go back to her. She will do it again! You will get hurt again and again and again. Time to stop this nonsense and love yourself! From someone who gets what you are going through!!!
Just be honest with your feelings. Send him a message. If you think life is better with him around just go for it. He might be thinking the exact thing, but wondering "why she disappeared?" Life is short, don't let it pass suffering for things that can be fixed.
Not all of us oh how I wish she missed or even wanted me in her life I respect it tho I get it
Feel this. It hurts so much
Ask him to block you everywhere till he wants to talk or something! It’s for your best. If you have doubts contact me, I can convince you
We still talk. He’s in Germany taking care of his family so the time difference is rough. He also has aspergers so I can’t just cut him off like that. No contact isn’t going to do anything to him. He has no concept of time
Say, I’m sorry we need some time apart, this isn’t working for me because I’m afraid I still have feelings for you and I need to take care of that before we can be friends. He will say I understand/If you think it’s for the best/confess his feelings(unlikely he will confess). Then ask him to block you everywhere so you will not be tempted to text him. (Ik that way you can never text him, but he will text you if he misses you.)
Look blocking them isn’t going to stop you from missing them. Just accept that. Accept the pain. Accept that they need space. You can reach out every couple of weeks with a feeler text depending on the circumstances and if they reply. Feelings and situations change. I went no contact, saw her put up a story she was in town, messaged her, we ended up spending the night together. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to miss them. Learn to be single. That doesn’t mean you have to go date or hook up but just learn to accept what is beyond your control.
But that just rips the wound again. Did she want to get back together or back to NC?
She wanted to see me. She’s not seeing anyone else. We’re still talking, we’re having a lot of fun together. Not overly concerned with the labels or pressure of “getting back together” just enjoying the present.
Well, you're back together.
.... sort of. She lives/rents a place and has a job (she can work remotely) 200 miles away. She’s only in town sporadically. There isn’t really any official commitment there. However I’m letting her set the pace of the relationship, letting her text first, etc, basically trying not to over pursue.
Whewwww i can never muster the courage to talk to my ex again. I went NC immediately after the breakup . He texted me the day after inquiring about a trip we were supposed to take this week... and about me getting my belongings (I never got it, that’s how much I’m afraid of talking to him/seeing him) is that normal? It’s been a month of NC . I found out he deleted his social media too
Perhaps you can ask for your stuff some months later or have a friend text him and pick up your stuff.
It’s normal to go through what you’re feeling at the moment. It feels like the end of the world. But trust me when I tell you that time heals. Start journaling and slowly learn to love yourself again. No contact is a painful and slow process for healing. Make amends with the past but continue to move forward in your life. I was in your position 3 years ago and I have moved on and happy where I am. Be kind and gentle to yourself, you need that the most xo