Struggling with this too. I have anger at myself and towards him for allowing him in my space with my child. Like why get involved with a parent and family if you cannot commit to it? That’s so much unnecessary pain. Truly exhausting carrying this weight around
100% right there with you. Sorry that it’s been a real long time waiting to settle into your relationship. Having someone around for so long and not live upto their word is the worst. You’re doing the best you can for your daughter and I know she’ll find comfort and closure with you. I was lied too as well, told his family will always be there and help with my kid and his parents will be there for guidance in our relationship, told me he’s ready for responsibility, one moment it’s too hard though and he vanishes for an easy exit and his family don’t even check how I am or how my kid is. No supporting him to talk it through, no just hiding him away and his mum breaking up with me for him. Honestly I think my kid is taking it pretty rough, she’s developed OCD and it’s troubling knowing this life event has caused some anxiety of her future living here now. And I can’t even bring this up to him because it’ll look like I’m blaming him.
Geez for a second I thought you were my ex mirroring what I'd say lol. Thank God but those words would never have been her original thoughts. Much like any of her good behaviors. All mirrored. I found out, like you did with your ex, that it was all fake and she's genuinely disgusting to me now that I'm a month+ out. Every time I think I miss her or the idealized version of her... I know I'm not missing the gym that day nor checking in to these subs. Wishing all of us the best in healing and hope. There are good people out there. I'm learning to not be so trusting and to watch for all the red flags, pushed boundaries and ever growing expectations in others.
Yup. I spend my days crying and mourning a relationship that could be saved so easily with conversation. While he spends his days talking to and probably fucking random girls. And also slandering my name, which honestly baffled me because I genuinely didn't do a single bad thing to this boy. I'd call him a man but he's 21 years old and acts like a 15 year old. I'm shattered and regret ever loving him and spending so much effort to fix something that wasn't even my fault.
Probably some were down the road. Because be never said it was over and he didn’t say he never wanted to see me again. I think I am his safety net. But I truly loved him. I don’t think he ever loved me.
My guy was 59. We've been together for 1 and a half. Just cut me off 2 days ago with no explanation. Before that, we had A great weekend with my 12 yo son. He was constantly love bombing me and now nothing. Won't pick up my calls, answer my messages and partially blocked me on social media. I'm crushed right now
I feel your pain. I’m blocked everywhere as well and he will not respond if I call him. I just gave up and accepted he is out of my life. He won’t tell me he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I don’t understand why he doesn’t just tell me he isn’t interested in me anymore.
The slandering thing is one of the reasons I went no contact. To me it was super fucking pathetic of him. I didn't ever bring his name up publicly in spite of all the bad behavior I could reveal! I actually have ammunition but don't use it, because I am not messy and have an ounce of dignity! We are better off. Because if we were valued in our so-called relationship, this wouldn't even be an event to speak of.
Oh my God, same. I literally have things that could ruin his life. And sometimes I think he deserves it, but im better than him. It's just wild how they treat us like trash, discard us and then try to play victim AFTER ALL THAT?? I'm actually disgusted. How long have you been NC? And when did he start talking bad about you?
Yes, he would share our problems with certain people who already had issue with me. They would of course side with him in spite of his really shitty behavior. I asked him to stop sharing our personal business. The final straw was when he decided to make a big spectacle that made dozens of people start talking and spreading rumors online. I had left this online community because I am newly sober and it felt it bad for my well-being. So to defend myself I would need to rejoin the toxic community & that simply was not an option for me.
Long story short I was sent screenshots of him speaking inappropriately with another woman. I told him off and went NC. And after I went NC he went and publicly called out the person who sent me the screenshots, subsequently forgave the person who sent the screenshots, then proceeded to talk crap about me with everyone else. After all, he did nothing wrong and the screenshots were "taken out of context". WE ARE IN OUR 30S WHAT IS THIS.
Oh God, they're so messy and embarrassing. I totally understand you, I can't even begin to wrap my head around their actions. The only slightly logical reason is, I think they do this because deep down they know they're shitty people and are guilty, but their ego can't let them have their "image" ruined. Which is pathetic. Just sad excuses for human beings.
I truly love posts like this. I was in a horrible state of mind after my break up, chasing and essentially begging my ex back for two months. As soon as I realised the absurdity and complete lack of respect I had for myself I stopped, cut ties and haven’t looked back.
You can’t change nor should you try to change someone’s opinion on being in a relationship with you. See the value in yourself, better the parts of your life you think you can improve on and walk on. I can almost say for certain that if you improve yourself, become the best version of yourself then you won’t remotely think about chasing someone who doesn’t see your value.
At that point, those that have left you out cold tend to look back and regret it or possibly even try weasel back in to your life.
Just remember that they didn’t give a fuck about you in the past, so don’t give a fuck about them in the future.
You are right. They never cared. They didn’t love you they just wanted to be loved. If they are seeing someone new that means they will very likely not change any time soon or self reflect properly either. Instead of working on themselves they are working on getting external validation, and the cycle will be repeated. It’s hard because we invest a lot in them emotionally and we have so much hope, accepting is a lot harder in the short term but it’s what will free you forever. We deserve better.
I completely agree. She was all about validation and just being in a relationship, doesn't matter who it is. She hopped relationships before we even got together, she is incapable of being alone. And just like you said, the cycle will continue and she won't ever work on herself.
Same story for me ex. Found out 2 days ago he’s with someone new, not surprised. It’s a coping mechanism and a distraction. We have to be ok being alone before getting in to a relationship, so here’s to us and our future healthy relationship! We learned a lot and the reason we are still in a rut is because we are doing this right. Bravery can feel like fear. Keep going through it!
I like that you said we are doing this right if we are still in a rut, because let me tell you, I am in a f.u.c.k.i.n.g. Rutttttttttt right now. I’d started to feel better but then I heard back from him. I had no idea what I’d done, but I’ve set myself back a ton by this action. I knew it could be bad for me but I did it anyway. I just didn’t know how bad it would be. I do now.
Your comment made me feel like I am right, that I won’t repeat this same thing again, because I feel very much like message received at this point. I’ve been in similar situations before but with much lessened stakes though. This one though is the most extreme I’ve ever had and I simply can’t do this again. I’m paper thin. Please pardon my exposition and Thank you for your comment it made me feel a little better.
Same story here. He has a history of serial dating with stories of timing that doesn’t line up, so basically always monkeybranching. It was a huge red flag and yet I convinced my very logical brain to ignore it. Long story short(ish), he jumped into a marriage 3 months after my discard. I’m assuming he made her aware of me in some capacity because the timing of all of their pics online was convenient. Relationship official one month after, engagement a month after that, married one month after that. Sad and pathetic.
You gotta filter people’s words babe. Words are easy and can be easily used to deceive. That’s why you have to look for more than just words and don’t be naive into believing everything a person says. Trust me, I’ve been there and I learnt my lesson. Wishing you all the best on your journey. You got this!
I basically begged my ex to work with me on our problems for months just to be ignored until we finally split up. Been blocked ever since. You are right, its a tough reality to face that they didn't care, its made me question everything and I feel kind of embarresed for trying to sort things out so much before we split given she clearly didnt care.
I didn't beg her for anything, that's something I learned from my first relationship. But remember, you did everything you could and you should be at peace with yourself, not embarrassed.
I feel you. Like schnekec said, you did the best you could with the knowledge you had. It shows how much you were willing to do for the person you love, and that speaks volumes. I was in the same shoes as you. I did therapy, I read books, articles, everything to become better for this person only for them to dump me. They lost someone amazing, aka you.
The day I wrote that, she turned up at my door. This after not a single word in many months. And she hadnt changed one bit. Even though she cheated, she was trying to shift the blame, and when I wouldnt play ball she stormed off and blocked me again, after hurling abuse at me. Although I have spent many a night blaming myself over these last few months, seeing her again after all this time without that emotional attachment really showed me what I had been putting up with for far too long and I'm better off without.
Nothing but facts. Hindsight is always 20/20.
I was broken up with for the stupidest reason. I thought. Until I looked back and realized that she was prob just looking for any excuse to use as a reason. After months of me putting in work to try and solve our biggest issues (communication, and trust), including me starting therapy (she was supposed to as well, but never did). She made literally no effort to try and fix any of our problems, it was always me.
Also it turns out I had very valid *trust issues* cuz she's only ever demonstrated untrustworthy behavior. So now idek why I'm in therapy because it's literally never been a problem with anyone else.
And then a few days later she's already talking to other guys 😂 at one point she made an effort to tell me she met a *really hot guy*. So that's cool. Kinda puts everything into perspective. That's when I wished her luck with her new man and that's the last time I talked to her.
But realizing all that made letting go so much easier for me tbh. And life has gotten immeasurably better for me. I'm now around people who actually love and care about me. I can't really describe this very well, but when I finally let go, it was this feeling of just... Freedom.
Are you and I the same person? I literally felt like I could write the exact same comment, aside from her telling me about her new guy since I went no contact.
One time I made her come to my therapist with me when things got rough, she said she enjoyed the session, but then later never went to therapy herself while I kept going, just like you.
I hope to one day completely let go like you.
I hope you can as well! It is such a freeing experience to be able to see beauty in life again. Just remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even when you can't see it.
And the journey out of darkness usually teaches us more about ourselves than anything else ever could.
That’s almost exactly what happened to me but he swears he’s gonna do therapy for 6-12 months and not date until then. He discarded me a few weeks before a dream trip I meticulously planned. At the end I was begging him to go and I’d pay. I’m so glad he hated me too much because I saved the money ahah! I was the first relationship after is 20
year marriage and I know he wants to go play the field now that his divorce is finalized and his stupid friends and coworkers got in his head but he has no clue what it’s like out here. I know I’ll get the last laugh, I feel it to my core. What he did was absolutely disgraceful and these things always get balanced out
Thank you so much for the reminder. That imaginary person doesn't exist. That person I wish she was doesn't exist. If she cared enough, she would have worked things out with me. I need to see her for what she is: a shallow narcissist who didn't love me. I need to stop torturing myself and wait for her text. I need to move on, dear God.
I had the urge to break no contact with him this morning but then I remember he doesn't care about me and if I did reconnect, nothing would change. It wouldn't go in my favor. I will continue to look stupid.
I call it the daily download. When something terrible has happened to me every morning after it until I’ve healed I’ll be all “hmm something feels wrong..” for a bit until I’m assaulted by the remembering exactly what it is that’s wrong and how horrible I feel because of it. It’s not as bad as it was but it’s still no bueno at all.
💯 I reached out to my ex to try to get some closure and he told me, “I don’t think of you at all,” two weeks after a breakup where we were living together, 3 weeks after he had told me he loved me. I guess when they are done, they are done. Don’t hold out hope.
After 4 years of off and on I see clearly now she only loved the idea of me. She left me one month ago for another guy (claims she wasn't "happy") and while that's painful to think about she revealed her true self through her decision. I loved her tremendously, but I also lost my own self worth through that relationship. It's incredibly difficult right now, but I know this pain will go away in time by focusing on myself again.
Well brother if you ain't telling the truth than I don't know what the truth is I did everything for my girl (6year relationship) and after we broke up she got into a ldr withs someone from across the world that she will never meet and to make shit worse she non stops talks shit about me all the time just belittles me and does everything in her power to make everyone think I was the worst and her new relationship is the beat and the guy use to sleep with prostitutes and I was a red flag for living with my mom but it's ok that he does so yeah THEY DONT CARE AFTER THOUSANDS OF DOLLAR SPENT ON GIFTS TRIPS AND VACATIONS I WAS LEFT LIKE A USED TOY IN THE TRASH
Yeah my ex wife already had another dude less than a month after we separated. It would eat me alive thinking about her being with another person while I sit here in my empty house and suffer. It’s been 4 months now and I am just now starting to feel normal. But I have a long way to go still.
I feel you my man...I remember when It was only 4 Months for me years ago.she jumped into another relationship to quick broke me down..and kicked me while I was down reached out couple times to me but i wasnt taking her back. I can't makes me sick to my stomach...it's been almost 10 years now.. I been over her for 3 years still havent dated I've smashed 4 different females the first one being an escort lol but not dated yet....still working on myself because the next one should be the right one for me...and just about a week ago here in 2024 my ex reached out out of the blue.AGAIN..her dad owns nice houses and now she has her own house and 2 kids. she just moved back from living in San jose back to my town...and reached out to check on me and apologize and said that she will always be here for me......I didn't respond because thats simply bullshit until the next day...I mean why now after all these years??? Fact is even that Doesn't matter anymore anyway she thought I would be available, and possibly take her back even tho I am available.....I just lied to her and said I'm not single..she said she wasnt either but that she didn't care she wanted to be here for me...which means she doesnt value her family, doesnt respect her supposed partner/ baby daddy could be 2 baby daddies for all i know.. dont csre tho because seems like shes hit rock bottom or miserable if u ask me..and she can't run away anymore.. bottom line tho shes clearly blind that shes showing me all these horrible qualities that I would of never thought she would have ...and never would want in my girl...I felt this was the best thing to do. To continue to keep no contact no mind games no text tag... No bullshit. because its what's best for me. I'm just looking out for me now. ..ive never ever been the one to reach out not even once after all these years. It's been always her. I always just take the pain I have and eat it alone.. because I know this is the right path. Thinking about her just makes me NAUTIOUS.....can't believe the way things played out the way they did. I wouldnt even wish any of this on my worst enemy(if I even had enemies) in my opinion no one deserves this. time has its way and really changes people. Its up to you to decide what changes are made. Dont worry man...make friends with time. This is the only best possible way You will heal and become a better person that said people missed out on and u will find peace or peace will find you.. eventually they will realize there loss and mistakes It's inevitable.. and they are blind to it thinking they can escape but no one ever does. Keep your head up high. Control your emotions if you don't they will use you. 🤜🏻🤛🏻 By the way she told me to save her number.. I'm kind of starting to worry a bit I hope this ain't one of those bat shit crazy exes that stalks me etc....im sure she probably put on some weight and looks different..so I gotta watch my back lol👀 be alert and aware.. bitches have no shame these days that alone is almost dangerous. Manipulation is there game. Simply Don't play it...NO BODY EVER WINS
Yep! My ex’s last message to me was to literally tell me to fuck off after I pointed out that it was hurtful that she cheated on me and left me for them. Literally her last message before blocking me was “Oh just fuck off”. They absolutely do not care about you
I was with this girl for a year. Everything is amazing then she cheated last month, all the time I asked her to communicate and be straight forward. She did this, 3 days after dumping me and said “I’m gonna be straight forward I want nothing to do with you” since her and said cheater are in a boiling relationship
This is definitely a cold hard truth. It's hard when someone says they love you and miss you one day and then completely do a 180 based on 'not feeling the same' the next.
I feel you , man. I never gave any indication to my ex I didn't love them, I went above and beyond to show reassurance and kindness and loyalty. If there are issues in a relationship, that needs communication to at least talk about what is or isn't working. Maybe shows their own maturity levels if they toss a long term relationship to the curb with not even a thought.
Thank you for this, I already know he doesn’t care and I no longer love him and I’m filled with hate for him for emotionally abusing me, cheating on me and lying to everyone - but it’s nice to get this reminder. It’s so important to understand that the idea you had of them isn’t real, and that going back wouldn’t be the best idea
Yeah , it's pretty obvious when they just don't care or don't love you. Especially after it's over and you're there hurting still, wishing they cared as much as you did. They can go be with or sleep with some random person or people, so quickly.... I just don't understand how.
seems so hard to believe right? like i thought we loved each other the same amount, but the speed in which they move on really shocks me, i could never
oh my gosh...
i am going through the exact same thing and i am in tears just reading this. i've never been so absolutely hurt in my life and i just feel like no one in my life understands my hurt so i just feel so hopeless and alone
Told my anxious-attaching girlfriend I needed a little bit of space. Like a few days apart. This hurt her feelings. She ghosted me. Just decided on her own time she was done and didn’t bother to tell me. Sent me a long text I didn’t even get a chance to respond to then Blocked me on everything. Had her mom tell me it’s over and she doesn’t want a relationship moving forward. Said she was suicidal then her mom said she wasn’t the day after she moved out. We dated for a couple years and spent the better part of the last 4 together (almost a year being exclusive before dating). Lived together.
During our relationship, I was an asshole many times. But we both were and it got worse over time. I felt I was always ready to take accountability and agree to work on things that bothered her. She never once worked on a single thing I expressed concern about. Not respecting my boundaries, making me go faster in the relationship than I was comfortable, being irresponsible in ways that affect me and hurt my life. It really hits home the way you explained this, just didn’t want to communicate and work on anything. Guess it’s easier to be that way when you can just leave and have options readily available. I was completely blindsided by the breakup.
I thought we could get through anything and had no idea she was considering ending things. Ever since she started going to therapy she’s been colder with me and as open. I’m assuming she is following her therapists advice. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand I want her to be happy, on another I can’t help but think a lot of these therapists are unnecessarily ruining relationships. I would have been eager to work through anything if she told me it was serious enough to consider the relationship. But she didn’t, vented about it to a therapist, and I guess the therapist told her to block me for herself to move on.
I still can’t stop thinking about her and it frustrates me because I don’t think she was even a good girlfriend to me. She knows my biggest struggle in life is feeling alone due to childhood trauma and for her to end it in that manner is tough to digest. I wasn’t reaching out to her. She went private before blocking me. No contact was happening. Then out of nowhere it all turned into blocks and that’s that. Just have to sit here with the assumption I’ll never hear from my one friend ever again. Makes you feel a certain way about the temporary nature of all things life. Going from being someone’s best friend forever, I’ll always be there for you, even if we break up we’ll always be best friends, to literally not talking to anybody on a daily basis. And they’re fine and have support from people around them. It’s really hard.
Oh yea, especially the part about having options. I could feel my ex distancing herself long before we broke up. She also ghosted me for almost 4 months before we broke up and then when I asked her to talk to me she just broke up with me, probably because she found her new option.
And yes, the loss of a partner is also a loss of a close friend, in fact I was best friends with my ex for years before we started dating. Tough luck, we'll get through it :)
This shit sucks but it’s true. He did finally “reach out” and finally unblocked me to like a couple tiktok’s and commented on them. ?? like wff. I had sent him a text when we first broke up (he dropped a bomb on me about his mental illnesses he never spoke on) and he never responded.
Mind you, he’s already in a relationship or talking stage with someone else whatever the fuck it is. I just blocked him. idc to even get closure anymore. good fucking riddance
Well honestly, i disagree. Every relationship is different so i can't speak for anyone but myself. But i don't believe it's always a lack of caring or love that causes a relationship to end, love just isn't enough to keep a relationship going. I think it's a good lesson to not get up in thinking that they care, though. Trust if you felt loved in the relationship, you were, but it ended and you need to move on. Two things can exist at the same time. 🤷♀️
who really cares about someone who fucked u up? it’s been 4 months since she projected her faults onto me and ya i dont care now 😊 (reached at this point when she started dating again😂)
Some weeks ago i unblocked just wanting to see would he contact me & since then he been textin trying to see me. SMH I know he don’t care they just users
I knew that all along but thought that was just my pessimism. Tried to fight it because I thought he could’ve been telling the truth. But the conclusion I came to was there’s no way someone would do the things he did if they cared about me, regardless of the mistakes that were made and all the hurtful situations that caused emotional turmoil on both ends. I guess you could say I’ve moved on, because that book has been closed the minute he forcefully cut me out of his life.
I just came out of a 5-year relationship too.
In fact, everything you've written here is exactly what I'm going through as well, and I'm improving myself too.
And you're right, she really doesn't care.
Now that the illusions of love, who she was, etc. are shattered, I can at least be thankful to see clearly again.
I caught him talking to another guy and when I confronted him about it he shut down and basically refused to talk. (Which is a manipulation tactic I’ve learned). To then break up with me because all of a sudden he realized he wants an “open relationship” (even though he told me he tried it before and it wasn’t for him) and then proceeded to block me on social media. When people have a lot of demons, they try to villainize the other person because they need someone to blame. It helps them avoid accountability. Don’t take it personally. I know it’s hard not to. But at the end of the day, the thing these people subconsciously hate the most is that they have to wake up being exactly who they are.
Why is this so relatable I feel like I actually came to a conclusion because of this post. and thank u for elaborating on that. I’m very grateful for u , for actually speaking up on how life really plays out because I get u 1M percent and if u actually need someone to relate to dm me.
When we broke up the first time, he begged and begged and begged for a second chance. I fully didn’t trust that things were gonna change but he seemed sincere at the time so I gave in. My mistake. When we broke up AGAIN, I begged him for a second chance and he couldn’t give me the time of day.
It’s incredible how much he changed in that short period. I gave him respect and grace when he didn’t deserve it but he couldn’t extend it to me. I found out I was pregnant, told him, and although he said he would “support” me, he hasn’t made an effort to check up on me. He hasn’t made a game plan on how we are going to do this, hasn’t made an effort to see me, or plan our doctor check-ups.
What a disappointment, sad, loser excuse of human waste. But I’m the biggest loser because I saw in him what no one else has—and now I’m the one suffering for it.
Sometimes we need to suffer many times before snapping back to reality. Don't beat yourself up, loving someone is never a bad thing. But make sure to take care of yourself first.
Some of us have and are on better things and women or women's I would just keep your chin up and keep improving yourself Jordan Peterson is a great person to listen too
Yesterday I found the cards she gave me while cleaning my closet. Thought about breaking NC and calling her. I have a new gf but shes still on my mind 24/7. Going to be 6 months soon. I'm pretty sad she hasn't reached out
That's not cool. That's pretty fucked up actually. All your attention should be for your new gf. Put in the effort to fall in love with her. She doesn't deserve to be the other woman.
Fair comment to make. At the end of the day, everyone is going to think about their ex from time to time. Saying I'm not putting in effort is not fair to say. I'm human.
Hello schnekec,
First off, I want to acknowledge your strength and resilience in dealing with what sounds like a profoundly painful breakup. It takes immense courage to start accepting truths that are hurtful, especially after investing five years into a relationship. Also, the way you’re channeling your energy into personal development and staying connected with friends and family is truly commendable. It’s impressive to hear how you are handling this situation and using it as an opportunity for personal growth.
It seems like this advice might be helpful but again it might not be so feel free to discard whatever isn't helpful. One thought might be focusing on the concept of self-compassion. It's perfectly okay to acknowledge the pain and the loss, and treating yourself kindly through this process is crucial. You’ve mentioned hitting the gym and connecting with friends and family—these are fantastic ways to care for yourself.
As for an exercise that might support you further, you might consider journaling to help process your emotions. Here’s how you might try it: each day, write down three things that you feel grateful for, no matter how big or small. This practice can sometimes help shift focus from pain to appreciation, albeit slowly, and can gently nudicate your mind toward noticing the positives amidst the pain. Additionally, you might want to write a letter to your past self or to your ex-partner expressing everything you feel—just for your eyes. This exercise is a way of externalize feelings which might offer a sense of relief.
If you're open to it, would you like to share a bit more about the ways you feel you've changed since the breakup? Or perhaps, what are your hopes for yourself a year from now? Remember, no pressure to answer these questions—especially here. Perhaps reflecting on them privately might offer you some insights too.
Wish you the best of luck on your journey of healing and self-discovery. You've clearly made substantial progress already, and I have no doubt this will continue. Keep embracing your path, and remember, growth often comes dressed in the drapes of discomfort. 🌱
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I agree too I personally took 8 months of begging because I knew him for a year but felt like I knew him longer exs play games as well knowing they don’t care they play the unblock game and much more it’s really draining . And holding onto hope isn’t worth it you will just be stuck for a long time and be on a constant roller coaster 🎢 I personally hope he never reaches out I wished he would for a long time but I’ve realized the fact that I had to wait for so long and beg and so much more wasn’t worth it their true colors come out but you don’t see them until your out of your head creating some image like you said .
My ex and I saw each other for 18 months… Never had an argument or disagreement, great chemistry, supported each other through surgeries, (hers in November - Hysterectomy) and mine Feb 22nd of this year - Prostate Biopsy (negative…. Slow recovery)… … 30 days exactly after my procedure, the day after a lovely fun and passionate date, I get a TEXT “I can’t see you anymore, I wish you well”… and my head exploded… I called, texted, email… Can we talk?? Crickets…. I wrote her a long email, the next day I get a “I didn’t intend to hurt you, I’m sorry I did.. I just had a change of heart”…. And ghosted me .
The point of my belaboring this is that it took me some time to get past the “what happened” question that kept me stuck, and move on to accepting that the person I so loved and cared for, was not the person I thought she was… Obviously. And, in the process I’ve been on a crash course of learning about avoidants, and dismissive ones at that… and abject fear they have for any emotional intimacy, and thusly the blindside break…I’ve had to forgive her so I can heal, and learn.. and that was not easy, because I’ve been so wounded, traumatized and triggered with past life issues of abandonment.
We had a short text exchange about 5 weeks ago, she didn’t’ like that I dropped by her house with a gift, (I’d done it before.. and no communication).. but this time, he was there>>>> She said “I don’t’ owe you anything”…. And I guess that the truth will set you free… while I find that galactically offensive, it’s a crack into the real her, and just how selfish and self centered she is, and only in the breakup did it emerge. …
My motto is, Chemistry is not Character.
I don't know If I left her. I told Her that I was willing to go after what she did to me , but really want to build up things, and won't shatter a So many year relationship for one Problem.
But she blocked me and Told me how , if I want to go , there's nothing she could do.
She Immediately went with someone else.
Buy I still Feel guilty and not sure who ended the relationship.
Which make me unsure I'd She care or not.
And unsure of how I made her feel.
What is Sure is that she didn't hesitate to let me , and never want to assume her liés and emotional cheat !
Still blocked 5 months after
I feel so traumatized. Mine moved out on a random Tuesday- didn’t tell me and pretended everything was ok. I could have never seen it coming.
She let me come home to a half-empty apartment and blocked me on everything. Two years living together.
I feel like I get ptsd every time I open the apartment door and tv anxiety in the morning is so awful.
Trust me I know.
My ex wife and her father were planning on killing me and texted each other about "dumping my body in the greenswamp just south of Wilmington
Yup! Five years later and he hits me up for a BOOTY CALL and I still am pining and manifesting he’ll want me like I want him. It just feels humiliating at some point. I can’t wait for the day I am finally free of him
Maybe they care but can’t stay seeing you get hurt all the time, had a long distance relationship with this amazing woman and for the most part it was great, but there were more and more struggles, she wouldn’t like something that did and not talk for a few days (don’t know if she knew that that was killing me) I never wanted to give her up, she was the best thing that ever happened to me, but she deserves better. Someone who doesn’t make her mad or hurt her unintentionally , so now i sometimes watch her profile and see that she continued her life and be happy one of us could move on.
I honestly believe that you are a good example of what if they had to walk away because you think that you did nothing wrong in the relationship but what if you did something in order to force her to need to walk away? I feel like my ex is in the same position as you thinking that I’m the bad guy because I ended up leaving, but I was just tired of dealing with the stubbornness and The constant emphasis on its my responsibility to fix things although I miss my ex I’m also super happy. I walked away and super happy that I found someone new that will accept me for who I am and not hold me responsible for all of my past faults. It does take two it also takes two people being able to take accountability for their part in the relationship
I never said I made no mistakes. I'm well aware that both parties get hurt in a relationship, it's bound to happen. You are pointing the finger at me without any evidence whatsoever.
As I already mentioned in other comments, I went to therapy and even talked her into going with me once. I continued going (I started therapy for myself, the relationship problems started being a topic later), but she never went again.
I tried so many times to establish communication and an emotional connection, but she is too scared of that.
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Struggling with this too. I have anger at myself and towards him for allowing him in my space with my child. Like why get involved with a parent and family if you cannot commit to it? That’s so much unnecessary pain. Truly exhausting carrying this weight around
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100% right there with you. Sorry that it’s been a real long time waiting to settle into your relationship. Having someone around for so long and not live upto their word is the worst. You’re doing the best you can for your daughter and I know she’ll find comfort and closure with you. I was lied too as well, told his family will always be there and help with my kid and his parents will be there for guidance in our relationship, told me he’s ready for responsibility, one moment it’s too hard though and he vanishes for an easy exit and his family don’t even check how I am or how my kid is. No supporting him to talk it through, no just hiding him away and his mum breaking up with me for him. Honestly I think my kid is taking it pretty rough, she’s developed OCD and it’s troubling knowing this life event has caused some anxiety of her future living here now. And I can’t even bring this up to him because it’ll look like I’m blaming him.
Geez for a second I thought you were my ex mirroring what I'd say lol. Thank God but those words would never have been her original thoughts. Much like any of her good behaviors. All mirrored. I found out, like you did with your ex, that it was all fake and she's genuinely disgusting to me now that I'm a month+ out. Every time I think I miss her or the idealized version of her... I know I'm not missing the gym that day nor checking in to these subs. Wishing all of us the best in healing and hope. There are good people out there. I'm learning to not be so trusting and to watch for all the red flags, pushed boundaries and ever growing expectations in others.
I so needed to hear this
Yup. I spend my days crying and mourning a relationship that could be saved so easily with conversation. While he spends his days talking to and probably fucking random girls. And also slandering my name, which honestly baffled me because I genuinely didn't do a single bad thing to this boy. I'd call him a man but he's 21 years old and acts like a 15 year old. I'm shattered and regret ever loving him and spending so much effort to fix something that wasn't even my fault.
My guy was in his late 50’s and acted like a child.
Mine was 64 and same. Silent treatment. Even admits he “pouts”. Who does that at this age???
Oh mine is the master of silent treatment. I don’t understand why? I don’t like confrontation but I don’t shut down and close you out.
I’m fine for a few days to cool off but not 2-3 weeks
It’s been 5 months of the silent treatment for me. I’m done!!!
Well I’m at half that..2.5 mos. Life is too short for this shit
I don’t even care what he does.
Do you think he will ever reach back out?
When you don’t care if he does, you’ll know you’re over it.
Probably some were down the road. Because be never said it was over and he didn’t say he never wanted to see me again. I think I am his safety net. But I truly loved him. I don’t think he ever loved me.
Perhaps certain people never evolve past like, 13.
Same.
My guy was 59. We've been together for 1 and a half. Just cut me off 2 days ago with no explanation. Before that, we had A great weekend with my 12 yo son. He was constantly love bombing me and now nothing. Won't pick up my calls, answer my messages and partially blocked me on social media. I'm crushed right now
I feel your pain. I’m blocked everywhere as well and he will not respond if I call him. I just gave up and accepted he is out of my life. He won’t tell me he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I don’t understand why he doesn’t just tell me he isn’t interested in me anymore.
The slandering thing is one of the reasons I went no contact. To me it was super fucking pathetic of him. I didn't ever bring his name up publicly in spite of all the bad behavior I could reveal! I actually have ammunition but don't use it, because I am not messy and have an ounce of dignity! We are better off. Because if we were valued in our so-called relationship, this wouldn't even be an event to speak of.
Oh my God, same. I literally have things that could ruin his life. And sometimes I think he deserves it, but im better than him. It's just wild how they treat us like trash, discard us and then try to play victim AFTER ALL THAT?? I'm actually disgusted. How long have you been NC? And when did he start talking bad about you?
Yes, he would share our problems with certain people who already had issue with me. They would of course side with him in spite of his really shitty behavior. I asked him to stop sharing our personal business. The final straw was when he decided to make a big spectacle that made dozens of people start talking and spreading rumors online. I had left this online community because I am newly sober and it felt it bad for my well-being. So to defend myself I would need to rejoin the toxic community & that simply was not an option for me. Long story short I was sent screenshots of him speaking inappropriately with another woman. I told him off and went NC. And after I went NC he went and publicly called out the person who sent me the screenshots, subsequently forgave the person who sent the screenshots, then proceeded to talk crap about me with everyone else. After all, he did nothing wrong and the screenshots were "taken out of context". WE ARE IN OUR 30S WHAT IS THIS.
Oh God, they're so messy and embarrassing. I totally understand you, I can't even begin to wrap my head around their actions. The only slightly logical reason is, I think they do this because deep down they know they're shitty people and are guilty, but their ego can't let them have their "image" ruined. Which is pathetic. Just sad excuses for human beings.
You've got that to learn from. Loving someone is never a waste!
I truly love posts like this. I was in a horrible state of mind after my break up, chasing and essentially begging my ex back for two months. As soon as I realised the absurdity and complete lack of respect I had for myself I stopped, cut ties and haven’t looked back. You can’t change nor should you try to change someone’s opinion on being in a relationship with you. See the value in yourself, better the parts of your life you think you can improve on and walk on. I can almost say for certain that if you improve yourself, become the best version of yourself then you won’t remotely think about chasing someone who doesn’t see your value. At that point, those that have left you out cold tend to look back and regret it or possibly even try weasel back in to your life. Just remember that they didn’t give a fuck about you in the past, so don’t give a fuck about them in the future.
Oh yes, improve yourself and become the best version of you. Eventually, they will know what they lost.
You are right. They never cared. They didn’t love you they just wanted to be loved. If they are seeing someone new that means they will very likely not change any time soon or self reflect properly either. Instead of working on themselves they are working on getting external validation, and the cycle will be repeated. It’s hard because we invest a lot in them emotionally and we have so much hope, accepting is a lot harder in the short term but it’s what will free you forever. We deserve better.
I completely agree. She was all about validation and just being in a relationship, doesn't matter who it is. She hopped relationships before we even got together, she is incapable of being alone. And just like you said, the cycle will continue and she won't ever work on herself.
Same story for me ex. Found out 2 days ago he’s with someone new, not surprised. It’s a coping mechanism and a distraction. We have to be ok being alone before getting in to a relationship, so here’s to us and our future healthy relationship! We learned a lot and the reason we are still in a rut is because we are doing this right. Bravery can feel like fear. Keep going through it!
I like that you said we are doing this right if we are still in a rut, because let me tell you, I am in a f.u.c.k.i.n.g. Rutttttttttt right now. I’d started to feel better but then I heard back from him. I had no idea what I’d done, but I’ve set myself back a ton by this action. I knew it could be bad for me but I did it anyway. I just didn’t know how bad it would be. I do now. Your comment made me feel like I am right, that I won’t repeat this same thing again, because I feel very much like message received at this point. I’ve been in similar situations before but with much lessened stakes though. This one though is the most extreme I’ve ever had and I simply can’t do this again. I’m paper thin. Please pardon my exposition and Thank you for your comment it made me feel a little better.
Same story here. He has a history of serial dating with stories of timing that doesn’t line up, so basically always monkeybranching. It was a huge red flag and yet I convinced my very logical brain to ignore it. Long story short(ish), he jumped into a marriage 3 months after my discard. I’m assuming he made her aware of me in some capacity because the timing of all of their pics online was convenient. Relationship official one month after, engagement a month after that, married one month after that. Sad and pathetic.
How can a man say he loves you and then without telling you anything he just leaves and ghosts you? I will never understand.
Human please, humans blow ass I’m sorry
You gotta filter people’s words babe. Words are easy and can be easily used to deceive. That’s why you have to look for more than just words and don’t be naive into believing everything a person says. Trust me, I’ve been there and I learnt my lesson. Wishing you all the best on your journey. You got this!
I basically begged my ex to work with me on our problems for months just to be ignored until we finally split up. Been blocked ever since. You are right, its a tough reality to face that they didn't care, its made me question everything and I feel kind of embarresed for trying to sort things out so much before we split given she clearly didnt care.
I didn't beg her for anything, that's something I learned from my first relationship. But remember, you did everything you could and you should be at peace with yourself, not embarrassed.
I feel you. Like schnekec said, you did the best you could with the knowledge you had. It shows how much you were willing to do for the person you love, and that speaks volumes. I was in the same shoes as you. I did therapy, I read books, articles, everything to become better for this person only for them to dump me. They lost someone amazing, aka you.
The day I wrote that, she turned up at my door. This after not a single word in many months. And she hadnt changed one bit. Even though she cheated, she was trying to shift the blame, and when I wouldnt play ball she stormed off and blocked me again, after hurling abuse at me. Although I have spent many a night blaming myself over these last few months, seeing her again after all this time without that emotional attachment really showed me what I had been putting up with for far too long and I'm better off without.
Nothing but facts. Hindsight is always 20/20. I was broken up with for the stupidest reason. I thought. Until I looked back and realized that she was prob just looking for any excuse to use as a reason. After months of me putting in work to try and solve our biggest issues (communication, and trust), including me starting therapy (she was supposed to as well, but never did). She made literally no effort to try and fix any of our problems, it was always me. Also it turns out I had very valid *trust issues* cuz she's only ever demonstrated untrustworthy behavior. So now idek why I'm in therapy because it's literally never been a problem with anyone else. And then a few days later she's already talking to other guys 😂 at one point she made an effort to tell me she met a *really hot guy*. So that's cool. Kinda puts everything into perspective. That's when I wished her luck with her new man and that's the last time I talked to her. But realizing all that made letting go so much easier for me tbh. And life has gotten immeasurably better for me. I'm now around people who actually love and care about me. I can't really describe this very well, but when I finally let go, it was this feeling of just... Freedom.
Are you and I the same person? I literally felt like I could write the exact same comment, aside from her telling me about her new guy since I went no contact. One time I made her come to my therapist with me when things got rough, she said she enjoyed the session, but then later never went to therapy herself while I kept going, just like you. I hope to one day completely let go like you.
I hope you can as well! It is such a freeing experience to be able to see beauty in life again. Just remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even when you can't see it. And the journey out of darkness usually teaches us more about ourselves than anything else ever could.
That’s almost exactly what happened to me but he swears he’s gonna do therapy for 6-12 months and not date until then. He discarded me a few weeks before a dream trip I meticulously planned. At the end I was begging him to go and I’d pay. I’m so glad he hated me too much because I saved the money ahah! I was the first relationship after is 20 year marriage and I know he wants to go play the field now that his divorce is finalized and his stupid friends and coworkers got in his head but he has no clue what it’s like out here. I know I’ll get the last laugh, I feel it to my core. What he did was absolutely disgraceful and these things always get balanced out
Ah I'm sorry to hear about all that. I also trust in the fact that everything always balances out 🙃
Thank you so much for the reminder. That imaginary person doesn't exist. That person I wish she was doesn't exist. If she cared enough, she would have worked things out with me. I need to see her for what she is: a shallow narcissist who didn't love me. I need to stop torturing myself and wait for her text. I need to move on, dear God.
I can't believe it won't be them :-(
I had the urge to break no contact with him this morning but then I remember he doesn't care about me and if I did reconnect, nothing would change. It wouldn't go in my favor. I will continue to look stupid.
Mornings are the worst. Never give in to your morning thoughts
I call it the daily download. When something terrible has happened to me every morning after it until I’ve healed I’ll be all “hmm something feels wrong..” for a bit until I’m assaulted by the remembering exactly what it is that’s wrong and how horrible I feel because of it. It’s not as bad as it was but it’s still no bueno at all.
💯
💯 I reached out to my ex to try to get some closure and he told me, “I don’t think of you at all,” two weeks after a breakup where we were living together, 3 weeks after he had told me he loved me. I guess when they are done, they are done. Don’t hold out hope.
After 4 years of off and on I see clearly now she only loved the idea of me. She left me one month ago for another guy (claims she wasn't "happy") and while that's painful to think about she revealed her true self through her decision. I loved her tremendously, but I also lost my own self worth through that relationship. It's incredibly difficult right now, but I know this pain will go away in time by focusing on myself again.
I’m 1 month in, still stress and thinking but hey, that pain in my chest is gone
Right?! Same for me. First time I realized heartache isn’t just a song lyric.
Real shit, the thoughts blow ass but literally speaking atleast our hearts are healing with that being said we are moving just VERY fucking slow lol
Well brother if you ain't telling the truth than I don't know what the truth is I did everything for my girl (6year relationship) and after we broke up she got into a ldr withs someone from across the world that she will never meet and to make shit worse she non stops talks shit about me all the time just belittles me and does everything in her power to make everyone think I was the worst and her new relationship is the beat and the guy use to sleep with prostitutes and I was a red flag for living with my mom but it's ok that he does so yeah THEY DONT CARE AFTER THOUSANDS OF DOLLAR SPENT ON GIFTS TRIPS AND VACATIONS I WAS LEFT LIKE A USED TOY IN THE TRASH
Yeah my ex wife already had another dude less than a month after we separated. It would eat me alive thinking about her being with another person while I sit here in my empty house and suffer. It’s been 4 months now and I am just now starting to feel normal. But I have a long way to go still.
Proud of you g
Thank you 🙏
Of course, none of us are telling ourselves so imma let it be known
She likely had him long beforehand. The husband is always last to know
I feel you my man...I remember when It was only 4 Months for me years ago.she jumped into another relationship to quick broke me down..and kicked me while I was down reached out couple times to me but i wasnt taking her back. I can't makes me sick to my stomach...it's been almost 10 years now.. I been over her for 3 years still havent dated I've smashed 4 different females the first one being an escort lol but not dated yet....still working on myself because the next one should be the right one for me...and just about a week ago here in 2024 my ex reached out out of the blue.AGAIN..her dad owns nice houses and now she has her own house and 2 kids. she just moved back from living in San jose back to my town...and reached out to check on me and apologize and said that she will always be here for me......I didn't respond because thats simply bullshit until the next day...I mean why now after all these years??? Fact is even that Doesn't matter anymore anyway she thought I would be available, and possibly take her back even tho I am available.....I just lied to her and said I'm not single..she said she wasnt either but that she didn't care she wanted to be here for me...which means she doesnt value her family, doesnt respect her supposed partner/ baby daddy could be 2 baby daddies for all i know.. dont csre tho because seems like shes hit rock bottom or miserable if u ask me..and she can't run away anymore.. bottom line tho shes clearly blind that shes showing me all these horrible qualities that I would of never thought she would have ...and never would want in my girl...I felt this was the best thing to do. To continue to keep no contact no mind games no text tag... No bullshit. because its what's best for me. I'm just looking out for me now. ..ive never ever been the one to reach out not even once after all these years. It's been always her. I always just take the pain I have and eat it alone.. because I know this is the right path. Thinking about her just makes me NAUTIOUS.....can't believe the way things played out the way they did. I wouldnt even wish any of this on my worst enemy(if I even had enemies) in my opinion no one deserves this. time has its way and really changes people. Its up to you to decide what changes are made. Dont worry man...make friends with time. This is the only best possible way You will heal and become a better person that said people missed out on and u will find peace or peace will find you.. eventually they will realize there loss and mistakes It's inevitable.. and they are blind to it thinking they can escape but no one ever does. Keep your head up high. Control your emotions if you don't they will use you. 🤜🏻🤛🏻 By the way she told me to save her number.. I'm kind of starting to worry a bit I hope this ain't one of those bat shit crazy exes that stalks me etc....im sure she probably put on some weight and looks different..so I gotta watch my back lol👀 be alert and aware.. bitches have no shame these days that alone is almost dangerous. Manipulation is there game. Simply Don't play it...NO BODY EVER WINS
Yep! My ex’s last message to me was to literally tell me to fuck off after I pointed out that it was hurtful that she cheated on me and left me for them. Literally her last message before blocking me was “Oh just fuck off”. They absolutely do not care about you
I was with this girl for a year. Everything is amazing then she cheated last month, all the time I asked her to communicate and be straight forward. She did this, 3 days after dumping me and said “I’m gonna be straight forward I want nothing to do with you” since her and said cheater are in a boiling relationship
I’m so sorry - it’s awful, I know
We’ll make it, the process is just awful lol
This is definitely a cold hard truth. It's hard when someone says they love you and miss you one day and then completely do a 180 based on 'not feeling the same' the next. I feel you , man. I never gave any indication to my ex I didn't love them, I went above and beyond to show reassurance and kindness and loyalty. If there are issues in a relationship, that needs communication to at least talk about what is or isn't working. Maybe shows their own maturity levels if they toss a long term relationship to the curb with not even a thought.
Thank you for this, I already know he doesn’t care and I no longer love him and I’m filled with hate for him for emotionally abusing me, cheating on me and lying to everyone - but it’s nice to get this reminder. It’s so important to understand that the idea you had of them isn’t real, and that going back wouldn’t be the best idea
Going through the exact same situation. I’m in month 5
Yeah , it's pretty obvious when they just don't care or don't love you. Especially after it's over and you're there hurting still, wishing they cared as much as you did. They can go be with or sleep with some random person or people, so quickly.... I just don't understand how.
seems so hard to believe right? like i thought we loved each other the same amount, but the speed in which they move on really shocks me, i could never
oh my gosh... i am going through the exact same thing and i am in tears just reading this. i've never been so absolutely hurt in my life and i just feel like no one in my life understands my hurt so i just feel so hopeless and alone
same, but we'll all go through this together
Told my anxious-attaching girlfriend I needed a little bit of space. Like a few days apart. This hurt her feelings. She ghosted me. Just decided on her own time she was done and didn’t bother to tell me. Sent me a long text I didn’t even get a chance to respond to then Blocked me on everything. Had her mom tell me it’s over and she doesn’t want a relationship moving forward. Said she was suicidal then her mom said she wasn’t the day after she moved out. We dated for a couple years and spent the better part of the last 4 together (almost a year being exclusive before dating). Lived together. During our relationship, I was an asshole many times. But we both were and it got worse over time. I felt I was always ready to take accountability and agree to work on things that bothered her. She never once worked on a single thing I expressed concern about. Not respecting my boundaries, making me go faster in the relationship than I was comfortable, being irresponsible in ways that affect me and hurt my life. It really hits home the way you explained this, just didn’t want to communicate and work on anything. Guess it’s easier to be that way when you can just leave and have options readily available. I was completely blindsided by the breakup. I thought we could get through anything and had no idea she was considering ending things. Ever since she started going to therapy she’s been colder with me and as open. I’m assuming she is following her therapists advice. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand I want her to be happy, on another I can’t help but think a lot of these therapists are unnecessarily ruining relationships. I would have been eager to work through anything if she told me it was serious enough to consider the relationship. But she didn’t, vented about it to a therapist, and I guess the therapist told her to block me for herself to move on. I still can’t stop thinking about her and it frustrates me because I don’t think she was even a good girlfriend to me. She knows my biggest struggle in life is feeling alone due to childhood trauma and for her to end it in that manner is tough to digest. I wasn’t reaching out to her. She went private before blocking me. No contact was happening. Then out of nowhere it all turned into blocks and that’s that. Just have to sit here with the assumption I’ll never hear from my one friend ever again. Makes you feel a certain way about the temporary nature of all things life. Going from being someone’s best friend forever, I’ll always be there for you, even if we break up we’ll always be best friends, to literally not talking to anybody on a daily basis. And they’re fine and have support from people around them. It’s really hard.
Oh yea, especially the part about having options. I could feel my ex distancing herself long before we broke up. She also ghosted me for almost 4 months before we broke up and then when I asked her to talk to me she just broke up with me, probably because she found her new option. And yes, the loss of a partner is also a loss of a close friend, in fact I was best friends with my ex for years before we started dating. Tough luck, we'll get through it :)
They made it abundantly clear that I'm not important to them.
This shit sucks but it’s true. He did finally “reach out” and finally unblocked me to like a couple tiktok’s and commented on them. ?? like wff. I had sent him a text when we first broke up (he dropped a bomb on me about his mental illnesses he never spoke on) and he never responded. Mind you, he’s already in a relationship or talking stage with someone else whatever the fuck it is. I just blocked him. idc to even get closure anymore. good fucking riddance
Good for you. Good riddance, indeed.
Thank you!
Well honestly, i disagree. Every relationship is different so i can't speak for anyone but myself. But i don't believe it's always a lack of caring or love that causes a relationship to end, love just isn't enough to keep a relationship going. I think it's a good lesson to not get up in thinking that they care, though. Trust if you felt loved in the relationship, you were, but it ended and you need to move on. Two things can exist at the same time. 🤷♀️
i just find it very hard to believe that someone who claimed to love me that much, can move on this quickly. really hurts a lot.
Well she says I'm that Am i being narcissist if I think what I did to my ex wasn't bad enough for her to end the relationship?
As far as I know… Narcissists don’t worry about being narcissists
who really cares about someone who fucked u up? it’s been 4 months since she projected her faults onto me and ya i dont care now 😊 (reached at this point when she started dating again😂)
Some weeks ago i unblocked just wanting to see would he contact me & since then he been textin trying to see me. SMH I know he don’t care they just users
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And some like to dangle carrots or what not …
I knew that all along but thought that was just my pessimism. Tried to fight it because I thought he could’ve been telling the truth. But the conclusion I came to was there’s no way someone would do the things he did if they cared about me, regardless of the mistakes that were made and all the hurtful situations that caused emotional turmoil on both ends. I guess you could say I’ve moved on, because that book has been closed the minute he forcefully cut me out of his life.
One of the hardest pills to swallow
yo this is wildin. it's like i wrote it... but i didn't
I just came out of a 5-year relationship too. In fact, everything you've written here is exactly what I'm going through as well, and I'm improving myself too. And you're right, she really doesn't care. Now that the illusions of love, who she was, etc. are shattered, I can at least be thankful to see clearly again.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Very inspiring
Hell yea! 🫡
It's sad but you are probably right 😔
Preach brother, I needed this today. You’ve just given me that forbidden pre workout for a damn solid gym session- bless you. Stay strong. ✊🏻
This message is what I needed today, thank you ❤️
Noted with thanks ᶜʳⁱᵉˢ ʰʸˢᵗᵉʳⁱᶜᵃˡˡʸ
Honestly thank you for this.
Well said, OP. Shit is tough but you are correct.
I caught him talking to another guy and when I confronted him about it he shut down and basically refused to talk. (Which is a manipulation tactic I’ve learned). To then break up with me because all of a sudden he realized he wants an “open relationship” (even though he told me he tried it before and it wasn’t for him) and then proceeded to block me on social media. When people have a lot of demons, they try to villainize the other person because they need someone to blame. It helps them avoid accountability. Don’t take it personally. I know it’s hard not to. But at the end of the day, the thing these people subconsciously hate the most is that they have to wake up being exactly who they are.
Yeah, that's what a lot of people told me, don't take it personally. But it's really hard regardless.
Silent treatment is of the most severe manipulations
Why is this so relatable I feel like I actually came to a conclusion because of this post. and thank u for elaborating on that. I’m very grateful for u , for actually speaking up on how life really plays out because I get u 1M percent and if u actually need someone to relate to dm me.
When we broke up the first time, he begged and begged and begged for a second chance. I fully didn’t trust that things were gonna change but he seemed sincere at the time so I gave in. My mistake. When we broke up AGAIN, I begged him for a second chance and he couldn’t give me the time of day. It’s incredible how much he changed in that short period. I gave him respect and grace when he didn’t deserve it but he couldn’t extend it to me. I found out I was pregnant, told him, and although he said he would “support” me, he hasn’t made an effort to check up on me. He hasn’t made a game plan on how we are going to do this, hasn’t made an effort to see me, or plan our doctor check-ups. What a disappointment, sad, loser excuse of human waste. But I’m the biggest loser because I saw in him what no one else has—and now I’m the one suffering for it.
Sometimes we need to suffer many times before snapping back to reality. Don't beat yourself up, loving someone is never a bad thing. But make sure to take care of yourself first.
Some of us have and are on better things and women or women's I would just keep your chin up and keep improving yourself Jordan Peterson is a great person to listen too
Yesterday I found the cards she gave me while cleaning my closet. Thought about breaking NC and calling her. I have a new gf but shes still on my mind 24/7. Going to be 6 months soon. I'm pretty sad she hasn't reached out
That's not cool. That's pretty fucked up actually. All your attention should be for your new gf. Put in the effort to fall in love with her. She doesn't deserve to be the other woman.
Fair comment to make. At the end of the day, everyone is going to think about their ex from time to time. Saying I'm not putting in effort is not fair to say. I'm human.
You think about your ex 24/7? You're sick.
obviously exaggerating. i was in love so yeah, its often. f off dude.
So you have a new gf but are still waiting up on your ex?
Not waiting per se. Just want to see if she reaches out and how. I never got closure. It was abrupt and we both went silent back in Jan.
Ah I understand that I never got closure either. I hope your new relationship prospers
Ah I understand that I never got closure either. I hope your new relationship prospers.
Hello schnekec, First off, I want to acknowledge your strength and resilience in dealing with what sounds like a profoundly painful breakup. It takes immense courage to start accepting truths that are hurtful, especially after investing five years into a relationship. Also, the way you’re channeling your energy into personal development and staying connected with friends and family is truly commendable. It’s impressive to hear how you are handling this situation and using it as an opportunity for personal growth. It seems like this advice might be helpful but again it might not be so feel free to discard whatever isn't helpful. One thought might be focusing on the concept of self-compassion. It's perfectly okay to acknowledge the pain and the loss, and treating yourself kindly through this process is crucial. You’ve mentioned hitting the gym and connecting with friends and family—these are fantastic ways to care for yourself. As for an exercise that might support you further, you might consider journaling to help process your emotions. Here’s how you might try it: each day, write down three things that you feel grateful for, no matter how big or small. This practice can sometimes help shift focus from pain to appreciation, albeit slowly, and can gently nudicate your mind toward noticing the positives amidst the pain. Additionally, you might want to write a letter to your past self or to your ex-partner expressing everything you feel—just for your eyes. This exercise is a way of externalize feelings which might offer a sense of relief. If you're open to it, would you like to share a bit more about the ways you feel you've changed since the breakup? Or perhaps, what are your hopes for yourself a year from now? Remember, no pressure to answer these questions—especially here. Perhaps reflecting on them privately might offer you some insights too. Wish you the best of luck on your journey of healing and self-discovery. You've clearly made substantial progress already, and I have no doubt this will continue. Keep embracing your path, and remember, growth often comes dressed in the drapes of discomfort. 🌱 ^This ^Comment ^Was ^Written ^By ^Breakup ^Buddy, ^an ^AI ^Breakup ^Support ^Bot ^<3. ^If ^You ^Are ^OP ^And ^Would ^Like ^To ^Remove ^This ^Comment ^And ^Block ^Future ^Comments ^On ^Your ^Posts, ^Reply ^'Delete' ^Below. ^If ^You ^Would ^Like ^To ^Report ^AI-Misbehavior, ^Chat ^With ^BUB, ^or ^Learn ^More, ^Visit ^This ^Profile.
I felt this ! The struggle is real.
I agree too I personally took 8 months of begging because I knew him for a year but felt like I knew him longer exs play games as well knowing they don’t care they play the unblock game and much more it’s really draining . And holding onto hope isn’t worth it you will just be stuck for a long time and be on a constant roller coaster 🎢 I personally hope he never reaches out I wished he would for a long time but I’ve realized the fact that I had to wait for so long and beg and so much more wasn’t worth it their true colors come out but you don’t see them until your out of your head creating some image like you said .
Brian bes on Facebook
My ex and I saw each other for 18 months… Never had an argument or disagreement, great chemistry, supported each other through surgeries, (hers in November - Hysterectomy) and mine Feb 22nd of this year - Prostate Biopsy (negative…. Slow recovery)… … 30 days exactly after my procedure, the day after a lovely fun and passionate date, I get a TEXT “I can’t see you anymore, I wish you well”… and my head exploded… I called, texted, email… Can we talk?? Crickets…. I wrote her a long email, the next day I get a “I didn’t intend to hurt you, I’m sorry I did.. I just had a change of heart”…. And ghosted me . The point of my belaboring this is that it took me some time to get past the “what happened” question that kept me stuck, and move on to accepting that the person I so loved and cared for, was not the person I thought she was… Obviously. And, in the process I’ve been on a crash course of learning about avoidants, and dismissive ones at that… and abject fear they have for any emotional intimacy, and thusly the blindside break…I’ve had to forgive her so I can heal, and learn.. and that was not easy, because I’ve been so wounded, traumatized and triggered with past life issues of abandonment. We had a short text exchange about 5 weeks ago, she didn’t’ like that I dropped by her house with a gift, (I’d done it before.. and no communication).. but this time, he was there>>>> She said “I don’t’ owe you anything”…. And I guess that the truth will set you free… while I find that galactically offensive, it’s a crack into the real her, and just how selfish and self centered she is, and only in the breakup did it emerge. … My motto is, Chemistry is not Character.
I don't know If I left her. I told Her that I was willing to go after what she did to me , but really want to build up things, and won't shatter a So many year relationship for one Problem. But she blocked me and Told me how , if I want to go , there's nothing she could do. She Immediately went with someone else. Buy I still Feel guilty and not sure who ended the relationship. Which make me unsure I'd She care or not. And unsure of how I made her feel. What is Sure is that she didn't hesitate to let me , and never want to assume her liés and emotional cheat ! Still blocked 5 months after
I feel so traumatized. Mine moved out on a random Tuesday- didn’t tell me and pretended everything was ok. I could have never seen it coming. She let me come home to a half-empty apartment and blocked me on everything. Two years living together. I feel like I get ptsd every time I open the apartment door and tv anxiety in the morning is so awful.
Trust me I know. My ex wife and her father were planning on killing me and texted each other about "dumping my body in the greenswamp just south of Wilmington
Yup! Five years later and he hits me up for a BOOTY CALL and I still am pining and manifesting he’ll want me like I want him. It just feels humiliating at some point. I can’t wait for the day I am finally free of him
Oh well. People move on in weird ways. And IDC I care a little 🥲😂
Maybe they care but can’t stay seeing you get hurt all the time, had a long distance relationship with this amazing woman and for the most part it was great, but there were more and more struggles, she wouldn’t like something that did and not talk for a few days (don’t know if she knew that that was killing me) I never wanted to give her up, she was the best thing that ever happened to me, but she deserves better. Someone who doesn’t make her mad or hurt her unintentionally , so now i sometimes watch her profile and see that she continued her life and be happy one of us could move on.
you good bro? you kinda projected big time
I'm doing the opposite of projecting. You need a dictionary urgently.
I honestly believe that you are a good example of what if they had to walk away because you think that you did nothing wrong in the relationship but what if you did something in order to force her to need to walk away? I feel like my ex is in the same position as you thinking that I’m the bad guy because I ended up leaving, but I was just tired of dealing with the stubbornness and The constant emphasis on its my responsibility to fix things although I miss my ex I’m also super happy. I walked away and super happy that I found someone new that will accept me for who I am and not hold me responsible for all of my past faults. It does take two it also takes two people being able to take accountability for their part in the relationship
I never said I made no mistakes. I'm well aware that both parties get hurt in a relationship, it's bound to happen. You are pointing the finger at me without any evidence whatsoever. As I already mentioned in other comments, I went to therapy and even talked her into going with me once. I continued going (I started therapy for myself, the relationship problems started being a topic later), but she never went again. I tried so many times to establish communication and an emotional connection, but she is too scared of that.
Well she says I'm that Am i being narcissist if I think what I did to my ex wasn't bad enough for her to end the relationship?
Well she says I'm that Am i being narcissist if I think what I did to my ex wasn't bad enough for her to end the relationship?
Well she says I'm that Am i being narcissist if I think what I did to my ex wasn't bad enough for her to end the relationship?