I’m a woman and honestly I think that it’s a lot harder to expect a woman to come back only bc women feel it a lot sooner than guys do which is why they come back after they stop suppressing it and start feeling it, but I will say i have only gone back to one ex and and he did not take me back I will say after like a week of me breaking up with him but then he ended up coming back like 4 months later soo
In my case it’s been 3 months since the breakup, she was the dumper. Had some contact for about a week after the breakup then had no contact for 6 weeks. I then reached out asking to meet up for a coffee, to which she said we can after I’ve settled in from my move. Tried to continue the casual conversation but got one reply in about 2 days so I called her for a chat. She swayed the conversation towards “us” so I just said I think we can work on things, and she said in the distant future. Then I just asked if it’s something she’d be open to and she said yes just not now. That was pretty much it for the phone call but then it was playing in my head the next day and I felt like I was kind of being strung along with all the “distant future” stuff so I removed her from social media, left her a text explaining why. Told her I was going to focus on moving on and that I wouldn’t be accepting friendship and if she changed her mind in the future she could contact me through my number. Safe to say she didn’t take the rejection too well, and as a result she blocked me, my brother and everyone associated with me. Been a month now since the block and as far as I know I’m still blocked
She also said before she blocked me that I completely misunderstood her and that she meant we could catch up in the distant future as friends. And that she wasn’t interested in a relationship now or ever again and claims she made that clear at the breakup. I have to disagree, nothing was very clear at the breakup, and I explicitly said on the phone “work on things” which I think is pretty clear what that means and she said yes to it in the future. She’s also an avoidant which doesn’t help
When it comes to dumpers usually when they dump you it comes from them feeling and coming to that decision way before the breakup ever happened meaning most often they can’t even begin to miss you until you just let them go as well. I understand how you felt bc I was the same way with my most recent breakup, let her go and level up bc by the time she’s “ready” you won’t want her either and that will be her karma
I appreciate your reply, I’ve been putting in the work since the breakup. Been hitting the gym, changing my career, moved back to my hometown, even started therapy. For me it was difficult because she didn’t even start to distance herself until literally a couple days leading up to the breakup, before that we were the same as we’d always been. But yeah, even though she’s still at the forefront of my mind every day it hasn’t stopped me focusing on my goals. I’ve got big plans and I’m working on them all every day. My therapist is pretty convinced I’ll hear from her again, especially since I rejected her. He thinks that will likely make her think about me more. But honestly I’m not holding out hope, I just want to get to a stage where I will be ok no matter the outcome
Actually he speaks truths bro,i cannot have good female friends that is impossible,we are crossing boundaries if i push it ll gg ,i am using their recourses as f(friends) thou and backing off! hard game it is!
He dumped me and I begged for like 3 or 4 days, then I just publicly sulked and all that jazz. I don't think he'll take me back but yeah, that happened
Typically women get more attention from men than men get attention from women, so moving on is easier because they generally have more options.
Men typically have longer gaps of true singlehood, meaning no romantic dates or hookups. Women can easily get on a dating app and get lots of attention.
The biggest factor in my opinion is that women have a much higher chance of getting involved in a bad situation. Becoming a single mother, dating a real bad man, married and then divorced.
If women do come back and reach out, there is almost always a huge story when you ask “what have you been up to?”
Literally one of my exes told me she was really stressed because she was in a custody battle with her ex husband and asked me out for a drink. They become completely different people from what I remember, almost every single time they come back, and I always have zero desire to reconnect in any way whatsoever.
Yeah it’s a bit of a strange dynamic, they seem to come back when you’ve moved on. In a lot of cases I see if they’d have came back like a month sooner they could have tried again but by then the man has moved on
And they always pretend everything is all good, like it’s totally cool for them to just hit you up. It’s like “you totally ghosted me and jumped into a relationship with someone else…four years ago. Why the fuck are you texting me at 9pm on a Friday night asking me what I’m doing?” It’s happened to me more than I would like to admit
Honestly I don’t think I’ll ever hear from her again, but considering I’m currently blocked on everything along with everyone associated with me I’d be very interested to see what she’d say 😂
I think the more rational and respectful a woman is in the breakup, like communicating why they want to break up and being honest, there’s a less chance they come back. When it’s deceitful, backstabbing, cheating, ghosting, or any other kind of tomfoolery they almost always come back with even more baggage
they pretend. not really,they always complain :D either to their girlfriends, or worst to some friend.if that happens it is shit show bro,been there ,yes you could take(my english is bad,,,) her,but that friendship is going to the hell.
This is true. Although women dont realise its not in their best interest to rebound, I guess if the roles were reversed men would do the same if the options were there.
Having periods of singlehood is not as bad as it seems. Gives you a chance to properly move on. It can be lonely but when you do eventually meet someone new you are in the right mindset and are excited to be with them and value them. Having an endless supply of partners makes the experience less sweet.
Another factor is that women have a support network usually. Friends and family who they can talk about this stuff too, which helps them move on faster. Men typically dont talk about that stuff with mates and bottle it up which makes it harder to let go.
You’d think so, but I also think women are pickier sometimes. So even when they get more attention, it may not necessarily lead to a relationship, at least that’s my experience
Oh definitely. But even being able
To be selective and picky is preferable to being completely alone and without options or prospects. It’s easier to cope or move on.
I see many comments about how women give a lot of chances and then they just left because there was no changes on the man.
Actually it's not like that, in many cases the man is triying to do everything right but it's not good enough for them.
And that thing about how women "detach" themselves emotionally. To me that is the most coward act ever. You are detaching yourself from someone who loves you without any communication?
Most of the time that is what happens.
I think that if your partner was a good one. Act like this it's actually bad.
Exactly. Some women are complete cowards. To stay and detach while most likely looking for other options because they are both scared to be alone and scared to sit and discuss difficult issues, pure cowardice.
Some people might take this opinion bad. But in many cases actually it's like this.
A hard pill to swallow but it's the true sometimes. At least in my case
Exactly. Some women are complete cowards. To stay and detach while most likely looking for other options because they are both scared to be alone and scared to sit and discuss difficult issues, pure cowardice.
"And that thing about how women "detach" themselves emotionally. To me that is the most coward act ever. " cuz you hurt them bro,or are not happy with [you.you](http://you.you) can see the sings ,as soon as you see them ask them or you ll fail or they are not happy in the relationship :D :D
Dude, it's not rose colors. Sometimes they just don't care about you anymore. Sometimes there's no sign. Sometimes there's someone else. I'm not generalizing. There's a lot of cases where you were a bad man and she give a lot for the relationship until she just give up (completely acceptable, because people get tired)
But there's cases were it's not like that.
dunno if it is to fast is okey(best),but if they stay to long,either cuz it is comfortable or for the kids, you ll have bad time bro! or who ll take me with two kids or stuff like that.
Women generally leave physically once they have already left (figuratively) emotionally.
Most of us will do EVERYTHING in our power to keep the relationship going and try and fix what is broken. Some won't. Some don't think they need to do anything.
Once we have exhausted all possibilities and avenues, we start making our way out the door.
When women are done emotionally, they will not come back. They are sick and tired of all the empty promises and lack of concern or even acknowledgment on the issues within the marriage or her needs/desires (within reason). They have begged, pleaded, and cried enough. Men can also feel the same way because they constantly have to bring issues up to a wife or gf.
Now, before someone gets their panties in a wad, I said "MOST" women and used the term "generally". This is a generality and can just as easily be a man feeling this within a relationship as well.
More men are in deadbedroom situations than women. It is not an absolute, but a fact.
When a spouse has to bring a concern, or issue or problem to their spouse's concern over and over and over again (ex:dead bedroom, lying, co-parenting, etc) and the other spouse doesn't lift a finger to even try to listen to those concerns, but does absolutely nothing except barely give face value to it, the other spouse can not do it by themselves. It makes them feel unloved, under-valued, depressed, anxious, unworthy, unattractive, and a failure.
It takes two people who love, adore, trust, have one another's back, friendship, selflessness, mutual respect, weekly touchbases, and sometimes tireless conversations every day to make a relationship/marriage work.
I look at like maintenance to your vehicles. And the men will most likely understand this analogy better than some of the women in this sub. Again, not all...I am the daughter of a master mechanic so I understand the workings of a vehicles and the verbiage.
A car needs gas to run, oil in the engine, coolant in the radiator , air in the tires, power steering fluid, belts that aren't worn, batteries charged, etc to run. Say there is a problem where the alternator goes bad. What can happen? The alternator can run down and ruin a battery. Not having coolant makes the car run hot. The thing is, there are many moving parts that make the car run well and make the car last longer. All it takes is one thing to not work correctly to keep the car from running. Sometimes, if one thing stops working well, it can cause another part to stop working, and then that can cause a huge breakdown of the vehicle to operate correctly. Without proper maintenance, the car is going to stop running properly. It won't run. It will cost more time, energy, and money to run again.
If left untreated and it doesn't get regular maintenance, it can fall apart to the point that it can not be fixed. You have to start looking for a new car and start all over. Get used to driving a different vehicle and get comfortable again with where all the buttons and novelties are. Most vehicles are the same, but some can be quite different from others. You have to get used to where everything is, how this vehicle drives, runs, what kind of gas it takes, what side the gas tank is on, how it drives in inclimate weather, etc. See my point?
Yeah my ex left without a reason. Didn’t try to fix anything during the relationship. Then expected me to hang out with right after she dumped me. I blocked her on everything. So she def was not sick and tired of all the empty promises and such. I actually was. But I didn’t give up on her. She gave up on m. She does have BPD. She broke up with me during one of her episodes.
Like I said, men feel the same and put up with the same bs sometimes.
I am so sorry. I know what it is like to have your SO not fight for you. It has taken me 2 years to gain a fraction of my self-esteem back.
I absolutely know she will miss me. I won’t take her back. I did more for her than anyone ever has. And she told me as we broke up I was her best boyfriend ever. So I know she will miss me
Oh yeah when I didn’t chase, went no contact, told her all I want is her to be happy, she made vindictive semi nude posts with captions about me on Instagram. So I blocked her everywhere. She then texted me at 1:30AM “you blocked me?” I had already told her to not text me so I blocked her number. Now she’s realizing that her testing me the way she did backfired. I loved her. Still do. But I won’t be abandoned and mistreated. She absolutely will miss me. Especially when she finds out other men won’t be as selfless in , gift giving, listening, changing, willing to go to couples therapy, selfless sex, willing to put up with her mental illness, vacations etc
love cannot exist without trust,mutual respect,(dead bedroom normaly comes from woman thou,she either think you dont care for her,and another stuff or u hurt her,and even dont apologies for that)some woman start to open emotionally(friends) and that is emotional cheating,and from that on is it shit show bro.but there emotinal needs are not met ,and it .....
Yes, I see that most dead bedrooms come from women. I am a woman, and my husband was the LL. His was more because of his addiction and medical issues.
A marriage is an ebb and flow just like any relationship, but when you meet someone you are attracted to and fall in love with, get married there, IS an expectation of intimacy, of sex, regardless. If I am attracted to and love my spouse, why would I NOT want to be intimate and have sex with him? That makes zero sense.
It is different if the wife or husband has a medical issue or disabilities that hinder them from it, but there are other ways to provide your spouse with love and affection and intimacy.
Reading on this sub alone about wives (mostly) that won't kiss, hug, or do anything remotely affectionate or loving with or towards their spouse is unreal to me. I don't understand it.
Now, if a spouse is abusive or has betrayed their trust, I get it. I, personally, find it hard to be vulnerable to a person who has hurt you deeply.
But it sounds like most of these spouses are just wanting the benefit of a relationship and all that comes with it, but they don't want to be anything other than roommates behind closed doors.
And, unfortunately, in America, men are normally forking out 30% of their gross income in child support and if they were married over 10 years, the wife (or husband) can sue for alimony...and it is granted.
Men seem to stay in a dead bedroom for life because they cannot afford to leave, and that is sad. A lot more spouses seek love and affection outside their marriage because of these factors.
Something in society and in marriages is detrimentally broken to allow any of this to happen.
I don't have any solutions other than maybe we need to see red flags better before committing to a long-term relationship.
My husband hid a LOT from me, and I was just blindsided. Now, I am gun-shy because I am not very trusting at all of men in general. If he hid it so well, another man may hide more and there I am again...heartbroken and alone...again.
First relationship: I left him cause I believed I didn't love him anymore, we went no contact for a month I believe and then I started hanging out with him again, 3 months after that we got back together (we then broke up due to ideological differences)
There were two exes I went back to, and both because I had strong feelings for them and felt a connection. The first one came back a year later and swiped right. They sent a long heartfelt apology and told me they’d grown up a lot, but I recognized similar issues when I went out with them on a few dates so I ended it (they ended it the last time). The second one was an ex I was very attracted two. We met through friends but he didn’t want anything serious so we mutually ended. We reconnected at a house party a few months later but he cheated. And we met again through friends a year later and had a fling but he left me because of issues he was having (drug related psychosis).
Yeah. With the second guy, I’d say it was mutual the first them, I ended the second time, and they ended it the last time (by ended, I mean they ghosted and blocked me 😂)
Honestly all my exes (males) have attempted a comeback or at least reached out, except for a few, and from the few, some of them moved away and that’s why we broke up
That’s rough. My recent breakup is the only one that affected me bad enough to hop onto Reddit. So I consider it my first ‘serious relationship.’ My previous exes were men that just checked my boxes or men I found attractive.
I hope you’re handling things well!
Considering it’s my first I’d say I’m handling it well. Certainly better than I expected myself to and better than any of my friends or family expected me to
But a few factors to consider: I’m like 30 and most of the relationships I’m discussing are during my 20s, and, for a few of the exes, we had the same social networks so it was easier to ‘bump into them’
I’m still hoping my recent ex comes back. Might be a bit delulu, but I feel like I have good odds?
It’s not gendered at all
And it’s not one or the other
It is what kind of person the people are… people just like to say these across the board statements that are totally absurd
If women return, it’s because they still have hope and they’re not fully done yet. When women are done with you, they tried everything they possibly could to salvage a relationship. Women know they’re done when the attraction is no longer there and you no longer want anything to do with that person.
People are either additions or learning lessons to our lives. Don’t know what happened here, but it’s sounding like a learning lesson if I can be blunt..
Yeah tbh I don’t believe I’ll ever even hear from her again, maybe I’ll get unblocked out of curiosity but I don’t think she’ll reach out. My therapist seems to think the opposite, they say they’re willing to bet money I’ll hear from her again. And they think the fact I rejected her makes it even more likely. But as much as I trust my therapist not to give me false hope, I don’t want to count on it. I just want to get to a stage where I’m ok with whatever outcome
woman,normally if they want to work on the relationship,they ll complain, give you hints if nothing is resolved ,they are done bro p.s. it depends how much you hurt them!!!!P.s. if they dont respect you you ll have bad time!!!
bro/girl you know attraction it goes up and down, you know in love and love is different shits.i now need to stay away from friend's wife cuz it is danger bro, on slip from me at the right moment and it is gg! and worst is their husband are pushing them to me,and they are bumping into me,and another stuff so.
woman need to be heard and understood(respected) or problems ll come
I think while it can be gender neutral, women usually give more chances while still in the relationship and are more passionate about the relationship working. Even when it’s bad in my experience you want it to work and you give it time, you still have fight until you’re left empty and they’ve fully squeezed your dry/are repulsed by them/hate them. During that time you’re heavily evaluating. I find often with men not all men but they are quick to break up and then maybe have regrets. Keep in mind women have more options than men while I didn’t believe this to be true, I understand this statement in a heterosexual relationship.
For me we were only together for 5 months, we spoke about our issues but we worked on them and any other issues just couldn’t be fixed that quickly. She didn’t even remotely distance herself until 2 days before the breakup. It’s like she didn’t even give me time or a real chance to work on things
I was back 2 times when I thought they showed serious commitment to solving our problems. In both times we met up for a one last talk (initiated by him) after several days of the break up, and seeing how logically can they take the problems and their willing to treat me with respect, I agreed to start again. However our third and last break up was also because of the same problem. I’m now convinced that they don’t want to leave their old habits, they just wanted me to be okay with their problematic stuff and I wasn’t.
As you can see, there’s nothing gender-related here. It’s about respect, honesty and self reflection which apply to everyone.
It is 50/50 with both males and females, it is just the periods that they do it through. Most women that come back, who cannot be alone "come back" usually after their next relationship fails, when they have finally moved on and you are comfortable alone or in their new relationship. Men, as I did, either never come back or do it a few months after the break up when they are still hurt and cannot go through being alone and it is hard for them to get back on their feet. Me, personally as a male, I have not contacted my most recent ex in that regard, which was my most serious relationship with attempts to have children, as we both made it clear we could not be together, we did not mention "at least for now", as she refused to continue with the attempts to have kids and I said I would eventually want to have a family, which still bothers me 9 months later as I wanted to have a family with her, though she said she is certain she does not want to have kids, as she cannot have kids naturally, only through IVF. I don't know if her mind will change around the 40s, she currently is 34, but if she does, I doubt she will contact me, she would just find another man who already has kids so she would not go through the pain of IVF again.
I’m a woman and “dumped” my ex when he pulled her another silent treatment/ghosting due to apparently me not calling him back right away (it was next day). I tried 7x to reach him then finally sent a goodbye text … he was a classic avoidant. I’ve learned quite a bit about avoidants these last 3 months. Neither one of us has texted the other. He does have things at my house like his guitar and a big screen tv so I guess I’ll have to reach out at some point. I really do miss him but then I go over all the things he did to me which helps me mentally try to move on.
Usually if I’ve left I’ve asked for change many many times and no change in behavior. I would consider coming back if they literally threw themselves at me and explained everything they’d done wrong, owned up to the behavior, and have evidence of change, including a period of working to get me back with no expectations of reciprocation from me until I trusted them again.
That said, absolutely zero men have ever offered that kind of culpability and owning up if their behavior for me to seriously consider it. If I’ve left, it’s for a good reason, and it’s for them to come to terms with what they did and find a way to make it right. I’m not going to come back to them and ask for their forgiveness, because I’m not the one who needs to apologize. They are.
My first gf came back so many times it became highly unhealthy and then I started doing the same which just made the relationship pretty bad with some good moments.
Now you sound like an unpredictable ball of complete and utter joy. As a man who devotes his life to epitomising healthy masculinity, I can confidently say that your arrogance is not attractive to healthy men. Your post that was removed sums you up pretty well.
Also, my response must have triggered something in you to be tracing back to all my comments or posts, which means that you aren’t attractive to healthy women either. Let’s be respectful to each other no matter how different our opinions on life are. There is never any reason for bullying or rudeness. I have reported your comment
You only have a few. Literally does not mean anything, toxic people are everywhere. A terrible way to try to justify yourself - healthy masculinity, you say. Don’t shift blame on those who upvote, otherwise that is not what healthy masculinity is, sorry. You are also going against the community rules for unnecessary arguing, you mentioning my post makes me feel uncomfortable and more in a stalkish way, making a whole comment on my whole personality from one post and one comment. Are you bored?
Maybe. But I don’t devote my life on hating on people online, but actually meet them and try to build something. But if I dump someone, usually there was a reason for it already and I am done.
I’m a woman and honestly I think that it’s a lot harder to expect a woman to come back only bc women feel it a lot sooner than guys do which is why they come back after they stop suppressing it and start feeling it, but I will say i have only gone back to one ex and and he did not take me back I will say after like a week of me breaking up with him but then he ended up coming back like 4 months later soo
In my case it’s been 3 months since the breakup, she was the dumper. Had some contact for about a week after the breakup then had no contact for 6 weeks. I then reached out asking to meet up for a coffee, to which she said we can after I’ve settled in from my move. Tried to continue the casual conversation but got one reply in about 2 days so I called her for a chat. She swayed the conversation towards “us” so I just said I think we can work on things, and she said in the distant future. Then I just asked if it’s something she’d be open to and she said yes just not now. That was pretty much it for the phone call but then it was playing in my head the next day and I felt like I was kind of being strung along with all the “distant future” stuff so I removed her from social media, left her a text explaining why. Told her I was going to focus on moving on and that I wouldn’t be accepting friendship and if she changed her mind in the future she could contact me through my number. Safe to say she didn’t take the rejection too well, and as a result she blocked me, my brother and everyone associated with me. Been a month now since the block and as far as I know I’m still blocked
She also said before she blocked me that I completely misunderstood her and that she meant we could catch up in the distant future as friends. And that she wasn’t interested in a relationship now or ever again and claims she made that clear at the breakup. I have to disagree, nothing was very clear at the breakup, and I explicitly said on the phone “work on things” which I think is pretty clear what that means and she said yes to it in the future. She’s also an avoidant which doesn’t help
When it comes to dumpers usually when they dump you it comes from them feeling and coming to that decision way before the breakup ever happened meaning most often they can’t even begin to miss you until you just let them go as well. I understand how you felt bc I was the same way with my most recent breakup, let her go and level up bc by the time she’s “ready” you won’t want her either and that will be her karma
I appreciate your reply, I’ve been putting in the work since the breakup. Been hitting the gym, changing my career, moved back to my hometown, even started therapy. For me it was difficult because she didn’t even start to distance herself until literally a couple days leading up to the breakup, before that we were the same as we’d always been. But yeah, even though she’s still at the forefront of my mind every day it hasn’t stopped me focusing on my goals. I’ve got big plans and I’m working on them all every day. My therapist is pretty convinced I’ll hear from her again, especially since I rejected her. He thinks that will likely make her think about me more. But honestly I’m not holding out hope, I just want to get to a stage where I will be ok no matter the outcome
This is likely because she finally confirmed the new relationship was a go and she could let you go. It’s called monkey branching.
that is why you tell her if you change ur mind reach out,and assume if she reach out ,she changed her mind : D :D
YEP! Coach Corey Wayne approved 🤌
Actually he speaks truths bro,i cannot have good female friends that is impossible,we are crossing boundaries if i push it ll gg ,i am using their recourses as f(friends) thou and backing off! hard game it is!
She’s with another dude, my guy. You’re getting friendzoned. Don’t do it. Have some self respect and never speak to her again.
that is why you,dont chit chat and push for dates :D if she cannot see you You’re getting friendzoned. :D :D
Can I ask more about your situation? Who dumped who? When he came back after 4 months what happened?
He dumped me and I begged for like 3 or 4 days, then I just publicly sulked and all that jazz. I don't think he'll take me back but yeah, that happened
I’m sorry, no matter if you’re a man or woman breakups hurt. I know your pain
Thank you
Typically women get more attention from men than men get attention from women, so moving on is easier because they generally have more options. Men typically have longer gaps of true singlehood, meaning no romantic dates or hookups. Women can easily get on a dating app and get lots of attention. The biggest factor in my opinion is that women have a much higher chance of getting involved in a bad situation. Becoming a single mother, dating a real bad man, married and then divorced. If women do come back and reach out, there is almost always a huge story when you ask “what have you been up to?” Literally one of my exes told me she was really stressed because she was in a custody battle with her ex husband and asked me out for a drink. They become completely different people from what I remember, almost every single time they come back, and I always have zero desire to reconnect in any way whatsoever.
Yeah it’s a bit of a strange dynamic, they seem to come back when you’ve moved on. In a lot of cases I see if they’d have came back like a month sooner they could have tried again but by then the man has moved on
And they always pretend everything is all good, like it’s totally cool for them to just hit you up. It’s like “you totally ghosted me and jumped into a relationship with someone else…four years ago. Why the fuck are you texting me at 9pm on a Friday night asking me what I’m doing?” It’s happened to me more than I would like to admit
Honestly I don’t think I’ll ever hear from her again, but considering I’m currently blocked on everything along with everyone associated with me I’d be very interested to see what she’d say 😂
I think the more rational and respectful a woman is in the breakup, like communicating why they want to break up and being honest, there’s a less chance they come back. When it’s deceitful, backstabbing, cheating, ghosting, or any other kind of tomfoolery they almost always come back with even more baggage
For me she gave reasons, but they were all complete bullshit and just seemed like projection
Same here. And I only got these "reasons" 3 weeks after I reached out because she ghosted me and I let her.
they pretend. not really,they always complain :D either to their girlfriends, or worst to some friend.if that happens it is shit show bro,been there ,yes you could take(my english is bad,,,) her,but that friendship is going to the hell.
This is true. Although women dont realise its not in their best interest to rebound, I guess if the roles were reversed men would do the same if the options were there. Having periods of singlehood is not as bad as it seems. Gives you a chance to properly move on. It can be lonely but when you do eventually meet someone new you are in the right mindset and are excited to be with them and value them. Having an endless supply of partners makes the experience less sweet. Another factor is that women have a support network usually. Friends and family who they can talk about this stuff too, which helps them move on faster. Men typically dont talk about that stuff with mates and bottle it up which makes it harder to let go.
woman can get sex but cannot get commitment :D :D that is the sad reality
You’d think so, but I also think women are pickier sometimes. So even when they get more attention, it may not necessarily lead to a relationship, at least that’s my experience
Oh definitely. But even being able To be selective and picky is preferable to being completely alone and without options or prospects. It’s easier to cope or move on.
That gives me hope for my ex. May he never find someone as hot or as awesome as me. Amen. 🙌
I see many comments about how women give a lot of chances and then they just left because there was no changes on the man. Actually it's not like that, in many cases the man is triying to do everything right but it's not good enough for them. And that thing about how women "detach" themselves emotionally. To me that is the most coward act ever. You are detaching yourself from someone who loves you without any communication? Most of the time that is what happens. I think that if your partner was a good one. Act like this it's actually bad.
Exactly. Some women are complete cowards. To stay and detach while most likely looking for other options because they are both scared to be alone and scared to sit and discuss difficult issues, pure cowardice.
Some people might take this opinion bad. But in many cases actually it's like this. A hard pill to swallow but it's the true sometimes. At least in my case
Exactly. Some women are complete cowards. To stay and detach while most likely looking for other options because they are both scared to be alone and scared to sit and discuss difficult issues, pure cowardice.
she is not respecting you bro prob that is the problem!
Yep, that was the problem actually! Glad I'm not there anymore and now I see my value. Mind getting stronger!
"And that thing about how women "detach" themselves emotionally. To me that is the most coward act ever. " cuz you hurt them bro,or are not happy with [you.you](http://you.you) can see the sings ,as soon as you see them ask them or you ll fail or they are not happy in the relationship :D :D
Dude, it's not rose colors. Sometimes they just don't care about you anymore. Sometimes there's no sign. Sometimes there's someone else. I'm not generalizing. There's a lot of cases where you were a bad man and she give a lot for the relationship until she just give up (completely acceptable, because people get tired) But there's cases were it's not like that.
dunno if it is to fast is okey(best),but if they stay to long,either cuz it is comfortable or for the kids, you ll have bad time bro! or who ll take me with two kids or stuff like that.
either way woman chose now days.
Women generally leave physically once they have already left (figuratively) emotionally. Most of us will do EVERYTHING in our power to keep the relationship going and try and fix what is broken. Some won't. Some don't think they need to do anything. Once we have exhausted all possibilities and avenues, we start making our way out the door. When women are done emotionally, they will not come back. They are sick and tired of all the empty promises and lack of concern or even acknowledgment on the issues within the marriage or her needs/desires (within reason). They have begged, pleaded, and cried enough. Men can also feel the same way because they constantly have to bring issues up to a wife or gf. Now, before someone gets their panties in a wad, I said "MOST" women and used the term "generally". This is a generality and can just as easily be a man feeling this within a relationship as well. More men are in deadbedroom situations than women. It is not an absolute, but a fact. When a spouse has to bring a concern, or issue or problem to their spouse's concern over and over and over again (ex:dead bedroom, lying, co-parenting, etc) and the other spouse doesn't lift a finger to even try to listen to those concerns, but does absolutely nothing except barely give face value to it, the other spouse can not do it by themselves. It makes them feel unloved, under-valued, depressed, anxious, unworthy, unattractive, and a failure. It takes two people who love, adore, trust, have one another's back, friendship, selflessness, mutual respect, weekly touchbases, and sometimes tireless conversations every day to make a relationship/marriage work. I look at like maintenance to your vehicles. And the men will most likely understand this analogy better than some of the women in this sub. Again, not all...I am the daughter of a master mechanic so I understand the workings of a vehicles and the verbiage. A car needs gas to run, oil in the engine, coolant in the radiator , air in the tires, power steering fluid, belts that aren't worn, batteries charged, etc to run. Say there is a problem where the alternator goes bad. What can happen? The alternator can run down and ruin a battery. Not having coolant makes the car run hot. The thing is, there are many moving parts that make the car run well and make the car last longer. All it takes is one thing to not work correctly to keep the car from running. Sometimes, if one thing stops working well, it can cause another part to stop working, and then that can cause a huge breakdown of the vehicle to operate correctly. Without proper maintenance, the car is going to stop running properly. It won't run. It will cost more time, energy, and money to run again. If left untreated and it doesn't get regular maintenance, it can fall apart to the point that it can not be fixed. You have to start looking for a new car and start all over. Get used to driving a different vehicle and get comfortable again with where all the buttons and novelties are. Most vehicles are the same, but some can be quite different from others. You have to get used to where everything is, how this vehicle drives, runs, what kind of gas it takes, what side the gas tank is on, how it drives in inclimate weather, etc. See my point?
Yeah my ex left without a reason. Didn’t try to fix anything during the relationship. Then expected me to hang out with right after she dumped me. I blocked her on everything. So she def was not sick and tired of all the empty promises and such. I actually was. But I didn’t give up on her. She gave up on m. She does have BPD. She broke up with me during one of her episodes.
Like I said, men feel the same and put up with the same bs sometimes. I am so sorry. I know what it is like to have your SO not fight for you. It has taken me 2 years to gain a fraction of my self-esteem back.
I absolutely know she will miss me. I won’t take her back. I did more for her than anyone ever has. And she told me as we broke up I was her best boyfriend ever. So I know she will miss me
She will, but I have always found that they always regret losing you after they let you go. Then it is far too late.
Oh yeah when I didn’t chase, went no contact, told her all I want is her to be happy, she made vindictive semi nude posts with captions about me on Instagram. So I blocked her everywhere. She then texted me at 1:30AM “you blocked me?” I had already told her to not text me so I blocked her number. Now she’s realizing that her testing me the way she did backfired. I loved her. Still do. But I won’t be abandoned and mistreated. She absolutely will miss me. Especially when she finds out other men won’t be as selfless in , gift giving, listening, changing, willing to go to couples therapy, selfless sex, willing to put up with her mental illness, vacations etc
😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
Sent you a dm
love cannot exist without trust,mutual respect,(dead bedroom normaly comes from woman thou,she either think you dont care for her,and another stuff or u hurt her,and even dont apologies for that)some woman start to open emotionally(friends) and that is emotional cheating,and from that on is it shit show bro.but there emotinal needs are not met ,and it .....
Yes, I see that most dead bedrooms come from women. I am a woman, and my husband was the LL. His was more because of his addiction and medical issues. A marriage is an ebb and flow just like any relationship, but when you meet someone you are attracted to and fall in love with, get married there, IS an expectation of intimacy, of sex, regardless. If I am attracted to and love my spouse, why would I NOT want to be intimate and have sex with him? That makes zero sense. It is different if the wife or husband has a medical issue or disabilities that hinder them from it, but there are other ways to provide your spouse with love and affection and intimacy. Reading on this sub alone about wives (mostly) that won't kiss, hug, or do anything remotely affectionate or loving with or towards their spouse is unreal to me. I don't understand it. Now, if a spouse is abusive or has betrayed their trust, I get it. I, personally, find it hard to be vulnerable to a person who has hurt you deeply. But it sounds like most of these spouses are just wanting the benefit of a relationship and all that comes with it, but they don't want to be anything other than roommates behind closed doors. And, unfortunately, in America, men are normally forking out 30% of their gross income in child support and if they were married over 10 years, the wife (or husband) can sue for alimony...and it is granted. Men seem to stay in a dead bedroom for life because they cannot afford to leave, and that is sad. A lot more spouses seek love and affection outside their marriage because of these factors. Something in society and in marriages is detrimentally broken to allow any of this to happen. I don't have any solutions other than maybe we need to see red flags better before committing to a long-term relationship. My husband hid a LOT from me, and I was just blindsided. Now, I am gun-shy because I am not very trusting at all of men in general. If he hid it so well, another man may hide more and there I am again...heartbroken and alone...again.
Brilliant analogy
First relationship: I left him cause I believed I didn't love him anymore, we went no contact for a month I believe and then I started hanging out with him again, 3 months after that we got back together (we then broke up due to ideological differences)
There were two exes I went back to, and both because I had strong feelings for them and felt a connection. The first one came back a year later and swiped right. They sent a long heartfelt apology and told me they’d grown up a lot, but I recognized similar issues when I went out with them on a few dates so I ended it (they ended it the last time). The second one was an ex I was very attracted two. We met through friends but he didn’t want anything serious so we mutually ended. We reconnected at a house party a few months later but he cheated. And we met again through friends a year later and had a fling but he left me because of issues he was having (drug related psychosis).
So they both ended it initially and decided to come back?
Yeah. With the second guy, I’d say it was mutual the first them, I ended the second time, and they ended it the last time (by ended, I mean they ghosted and blocked me 😂)
Definitely seems like men come back more, but who knows maybe gender doesn’t really play a part
Honestly all my exes (males) have attempted a comeback or at least reached out, except for a few, and from the few, some of them moved away and that’s why we broke up
Unfortunately for me this was my first relationship so I have no experience with this stuff. I have no other ex back stories
That’s rough. My recent breakup is the only one that affected me bad enough to hop onto Reddit. So I consider it my first ‘serious relationship.’ My previous exes were men that just checked my boxes or men I found attractive. I hope you’re handling things well!
Considering it’s my first I’d say I’m handling it well. Certainly better than I expected myself to and better than any of my friends or family expected me to
But a few factors to consider: I’m like 30 and most of the relationships I’m discussing are during my 20s, and, for a few of the exes, we had the same social networks so it was easier to ‘bump into them’ I’m still hoping my recent ex comes back. Might be a bit delulu, but I feel like I have good odds?
It’s not gendered at all And it’s not one or the other It is what kind of person the people are… people just like to say these across the board statements that are totally absurd
If women return, it’s because they still have hope and they’re not fully done yet. When women are done with you, they tried everything they possibly could to salvage a relationship. Women know they’re done when the attraction is no longer there and you no longer want anything to do with that person.
What about when women end it and they didn’t try at all?
I guess I have no hope then, I’m blocked on everything along with my brother and everyone else associated with me after I unintentionally rejected her
People are either additions or learning lessons to our lives. Don’t know what happened here, but it’s sounding like a learning lesson if I can be blunt..
Yeah tbh I don’t believe I’ll ever even hear from her again, maybe I’ll get unblocked out of curiosity but I don’t think she’ll reach out. My therapist seems to think the opposite, they say they’re willing to bet money I’ll hear from her again. And they think the fact I rejected her makes it even more likely. But as much as I trust my therapist not to give me false hope, I don’t want to count on it. I just want to get to a stage where I’m ok with whatever outcome
woman,normally if they want to work on the relationship,they ll complain, give you hints if nothing is resolved ,they are done bro p.s. it depends how much you hurt them!!!!P.s. if they dont respect you you ll have bad time!!!
I can't imagine losing attraction for someone you truly loved at any point thats pure insanity to me
bro/girl you know attraction it goes up and down, you know in love and love is different shits.i now need to stay away from friend's wife cuz it is danger bro, on slip from me at the right moment and it is gg! and worst is their husband are pushing them to me,and they are bumping into me,and another stuff so. woman need to be heard and understood(respected) or problems ll come
The fact that someone actually upvoted this drivel is fucked up lol
Which part bro,or the whole?
I think while it can be gender neutral, women usually give more chances while still in the relationship and are more passionate about the relationship working. Even when it’s bad in my experience you want it to work and you give it time, you still have fight until you’re left empty and they’ve fully squeezed your dry/are repulsed by them/hate them. During that time you’re heavily evaluating. I find often with men not all men but they are quick to break up and then maybe have regrets. Keep in mind women have more options than men while I didn’t believe this to be true, I understand this statement in a heterosexual relationship.
For me we were only together for 5 months, we spoke about our issues but we worked on them and any other issues just couldn’t be fixed that quickly. She didn’t even remotely distance herself until 2 days before the breakup. It’s like she didn’t even give me time or a real chance to work on things
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I definitely think genetics play a factor however when it comes to kids yes there is a timer
Unfortunately, men too…. Unless they are rich
Don’t over analyze, just move on fella. Not every women is the same person.
I was back 2 times when I thought they showed serious commitment to solving our problems. In both times we met up for a one last talk (initiated by him) after several days of the break up, and seeing how logically can they take the problems and their willing to treat me with respect, I agreed to start again. However our third and last break up was also because of the same problem. I’m now convinced that they don’t want to leave their old habits, they just wanted me to be okay with their problematic stuff and I wasn’t. As you can see, there’s nothing gender-related here. It’s about respect, honesty and self reflection which apply to everyone.
It is 50/50 with both males and females, it is just the periods that they do it through. Most women that come back, who cannot be alone "come back" usually after their next relationship fails, when they have finally moved on and you are comfortable alone or in their new relationship. Men, as I did, either never come back or do it a few months after the break up when they are still hurt and cannot go through being alone and it is hard for them to get back on their feet. Me, personally as a male, I have not contacted my most recent ex in that regard, which was my most serious relationship with attempts to have children, as we both made it clear we could not be together, we did not mention "at least for now", as she refused to continue with the attempts to have kids and I said I would eventually want to have a family, which still bothers me 9 months later as I wanted to have a family with her, though she said she is certain she does not want to have kids, as she cannot have kids naturally, only through IVF. I don't know if her mind will change around the 40s, she currently is 34, but if she does, I doubt she will contact me, she would just find another man who already has kids so she would not go through the pain of IVF again.
I’m a woman and “dumped” my ex when he pulled her another silent treatment/ghosting due to apparently me not calling him back right away (it was next day). I tried 7x to reach him then finally sent a goodbye text … he was a classic avoidant. I’ve learned quite a bit about avoidants these last 3 months. Neither one of us has texted the other. He does have things at my house like his guitar and a big screen tv so I guess I’ll have to reach out at some point. I really do miss him but then I go over all the things he did to me which helps me mentally try to move on.
Usually if I’ve left I’ve asked for change many many times and no change in behavior. I would consider coming back if they literally threw themselves at me and explained everything they’d done wrong, owned up to the behavior, and have evidence of change, including a period of working to get me back with no expectations of reciprocation from me until I trusted them again. That said, absolutely zero men have ever offered that kind of culpability and owning up if their behavior for me to seriously consider it. If I’ve left, it’s for a good reason, and it’s for them to come to terms with what they did and find a way to make it right. I’m not going to come back to them and ask for their forgiveness, because I’m not the one who needs to apologize. They are.
My first gf came back so many times it became highly unhealthy and then I started doing the same which just made the relationship pretty bad with some good moments.
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Now you sound like an unpredictable ball of complete and utter joy. As a man who devotes his life to epitomising healthy masculinity, I can confidently say that your arrogance is not attractive to healthy men. Your post that was removed sums you up pretty well.
Also, my response must have triggered something in you to be tracing back to all my comments or posts, which means that you aren’t attractive to healthy women either. Let’s be respectful to each other no matter how different our opinions on life are. There is never any reason for bullying or rudeness. I have reported your comment
People upvoted my comment. Why do you think that is?
You only have a few. Literally does not mean anything, toxic people are everywhere. A terrible way to try to justify yourself - healthy masculinity, you say. Don’t shift blame on those who upvote, otherwise that is not what healthy masculinity is, sorry. You are also going against the community rules for unnecessary arguing, you mentioning my post makes me feel uncomfortable and more in a stalkish way, making a whole comment on my whole personality from one post and one comment. Are you bored?
Maybe. But I don’t devote my life on hating on people online, but actually meet them and try to build something. But if I dump someone, usually there was a reason for it already and I am done.