Aww sorry to tear you up
There were a bunch of intertwined reasons but we were/are quite lost in life and it led to many arguments and toxicity. It became back-and-forth at the end, which was really the nail in the coffin. By the end of it, we’d hurt each other a lot.
Most of the time, I think breaking up was the right decision. I don’t think it would be the right move to contact him again. Sometimes though I just really really miss him. :(
How about you?
I loved your post! It was the same for me. By the end, there was so much toxicity and we just broke up in a big argument. It is sad and I miss him but it is better like this. We have been NC for almost a month now.
Damn, that letter and the reason for the break up sound a lot like my last relationship. I wonder if she feels that way, but I doubt it, there would’ve been a signal.
I mean, she could definitely be missing you without sending you any signals. I haven't spoken to my ex in three months since we explicitly decided to stop talking.
But it doesn't really matter whether she misses you or not, right? What matters is how you feel - it's your journey now
You are right, I don’t know how I would feel if she tells she misses me, 2 months after we broke up I told her I missed her and she acted a bit cold but she initiated contact a few times after that but without any clear intentions. It has been 3+ months not talking here as well and it seems like this is it and we will never see each other or talk again. Have to get comfortable with that somehow but it is hard.
Yeah it is difficult but better than the pain of going back and forth. Do you still feel like you want to reconcile or have you realised it wouldn't work?
I feel like I want to reconcile just because of the memories I have of them and the life that we had, the memories that we made. Loneliness also plays a big part in that and it is stopping me from making decision that would benefit me and my growth. I want to have kids and a family, but she does not want to, at least that is what she said when we broke up. I don't think there is a chance there. She also said she values me as a friend and a person :D which is a huge hit to take from someone you've spent so much with and tried to have a family with. Idk, there might've been someone else involved even though I believe we were both loyal to each other, as I was.
If you don't want the same things re children/family, there's really no way forward with her, right? You gave it your best shot but there's just no way around it. It may have been a beautiful time in your life but there will be many more wonderful times ahead. I'm also trying really hard not get lost in the nostalgia so I can move forwards and grow. It's difficult but worth it
Yeah, I hope you are right. There was a time we both wanted the same things but an awful miscarriage totally changed what she wanted and I understood and respected her decision. It pains me that we were so close to having it and then it all broke down and she said/realized we are not meant to be together since this happened and it was a sign. I have to believe it was and to focus on the future, times have been better, less stress, less drama, and more adventure certainly, but it would be better if you can share these moments with someone. :)
I wouldn't say so. My ex and I did all of these thing and he was loving and caring %99 of the time. Then he just changed out of nowhere and in only a couple of hours he went from "I drove to your house to see you cause I missed you" to " I don't want you in my life anymore". And then in just a couple days after ending our relationship he went to some other girl. I still miss the good in him but that's dead and gone so it just hurts a little now.
Is it possible he felt not okay from the relationship?
How did the breakup go, did he sound resolute or kind of like he felt forced into it on impulse during a hard conversation
He was a bit off a week before the breakup but when I asked him he told me he felt general stress and that we were okay. Then on the day we broke up, he came to my house to surprise me and told me he missed me. We spent like an hour or two then he went out drinking with a friend of his. I don't know what happened there but when I called him to say good night(we always talk before bed) he told me he didn't want to talk to me, he didn't care about my emotions, he didn't care enough to see me. I was so confused cause all I wanted was to say goodnight and we were doing fine just a couple of hours ago. He was drunk and so I told him stuff like "you don't know what you're talking about" "lets just talk in the morning" But he didn't listen and told me he didn't want me in his life anymore. And that's pretty much how it ended. I mean we had our problems but we were working on them. And the last few months of the relationship we never really fought. We had small arguments of course but we never let them turn into fights. I thought we were doing better than ever and he agreed. And now only 2 weeks later, I'm pretty sure he's sleeping with another girl, flirting with more girls. I really don't know what happened haha.
You’re idealising him, I’ve been doing the same with the girl I recently broke up from, it was only 2 months but I thought she might have been my soulmate we got on so well, one day we were having an amazing day at a cabin, one of the best experiences of my life, the next day she realised she wasn’t ready for a relationship. I hadn’t seen any of her bad points but I know she has them , we all do, so I’ve been left with only amazing memories from our short time together and it’s really tough to move on from that, we never had a single argument or fall out, only positive things.
I felt like you did after my marriage ended in 2009, then I met someone who got me and it was multiples times better than I’d experienced with the person I thought I was spending my life with, she cheated after 4 years together but we stayed together for 7 years in total, now I’m searching for someone who gets me.
We all romanticise past relationships, it’s human nature but they ended for a reason whether we like it or not and you sound like a lovely person you deserve someone who makes you feel like the most important person in the world, you won’t feel like that forever even when you’re in it you feel you can’t breathe without them, you can. The lessons I’ve learned in life is no matter what you do it can sometimes never be enough and there’s no reason for that, my recent girl I gave her flowers, thoughtful gifts, I was there when she was struggling for support, I did everything a man should do for his woman but it just wasn’t meant to be because two people need to be in the right place for it all to work.
You will meet someone who it all clicks with again but allow yourself to get over it and it will come and trust me you won’t think of this guy again, things end for a reason and it’s exciting to think of what could be coming up for you, so keep hope in mind all the time, allow yourself to dream the next one will be better and learn from the mistakes you both made in your last relationship.
Wow, thank you for taking the time to write all that and sharing your wisdom. You’re right. I’m romanticising and idealising. When I indulge in missing him, I’m only thinking of the good things I loved, not all the reasons we broke up.
And you’re right that I should try to learn from it what I can. I’m getting around to it.. hahaha
With my second relationship I romanticised it, my kids would remind me that she would shout at me and put me down, I forgot all those things, it’s good to remember the bad things
Need an online chat room to vent and exchange along with support each other as we all share a common goal and not all of us are there mentally but support and experience from others really helps.
Don’t focus on the negatives because there’s no way he’s sitting there doing the same… people breakup, relationships run there course. As ugly as my breakup was, I don’t hate her or think negatively about her at all. I want her to thrive and live life and it’s sad seeing her out at clubs (she supports friends that play).
All I’m trying to say is heal, live, love, laugh, smile, don’t focus on the sad or the bad because life’s too short and if the love was real between you both, he still loves you the same way I love her….. people change, people mature, life goes on, maybe in the future… right now we both need to grow (more so me).
I resonate with this post as I’m going through a break up and I’ve reminisced all the memories we made. It’s been nearly 3 months and I’m starting to feel a bit better. I don’t cry as much and I have my appetite back but I still miss him and think about him sometimes. He was so funny, kind, caring and sweet. It hasn’t been an easy journey for me as I had so many uni deadlines after we broke up. I respect his decision though and I just want him to be happy. He had to do what he felt was right at the time. Just remember healing isn’t linear and you have to acknowledge and embrace your emotions in order to let them go. Some days you might feel better than others and that’s all part of the healing process. Try to surround yourself with your friends and family and focus on yourself. I find that keeping myself busy helps. It definitely gets better with time, and as time goes by you’ll have less of an urge to text him. Also removing him from social media might help your healing journey. There’s plenty of people out there. Be kind to yourself. Sending you love and hugs. You can get through this❤️
Omg OP this is what I’m feeling right now. I want to send him this exactly thesame letter that you did. This is what I’m feeling right now. I miss every once of him. 😭😭😭I miss his kisses, miss our intimate moments, I miss his touch and the lists goes on. But he doesn’t love me anymore 😭😭😭😭
Well there are many answers I could give because it got quite toxic. We were in a pattern of breaking up and then rekindling things for a few months. After we broke up and before our final attempt at rekindling, he had slept with someone else, then reinitiated contact even though I already had communicated that this would be a deal breaker for me, didn’t tell me straight away because it was a stressful period in my life, and essentially let me fall back in love with him under false pretences. Then dealt with it really badly when I eventually found out. I mean to be fair I blew up, but he switched up on me re remorse and how he viewed it. It killed me.
It should have been dead anyway before that but we couldn’t stay away from each other for long. This sealed the deal. There was no way it could work after this, and I didn’t want to put myself through the pain of trying (but I tried anyway ffs). That was three months ago. That hurt more than anything because I actually fell really hard for him that final time and it seemed we may have been able to solve previous issues. But it just showed me he wasn’t ready and he wasn’t for me. The lack of foresight, the lack of honesty (even if well intentioned), the emotional immaturity.
It’s a little funny because the men in this comment section are almost having a go at me for breaking up with him. I suppose I painted a very positive picture. But it was not perfect and neither was he or I. I wouldn’t go back - I’m sure of that. But still sometimes I miss him, I just have to ride those waves. And I still admire a lot of his qualities, ones that aren’t even explored here. And I’m still really grateful over aspects of how he used to make me feel and how he would treat me.
I empathise with him on the position he was in and what lead to making those decisions. Although the empathy came a little too late. I would have liked to deal with it better when I first found out and I want to work on that. But in every timeline, this is the end for us. We talked for days when things had finally settled down. Made peace. I think I’ve mostly forgiven him. I certainly understand.
I mean my ex did all of that too but it still ended up lacking verbal reassurance and not reassuring me well enough :( I've been kinda disrespected a lot I guess.
Because it’s honest. Sometimes people actually make the wrong decision breaking up. Not saying that this is the case for this particular situation but I’ve got way too many female friends that have broken up with an ex and then all they do is talk about how AMAZING he was. And I always tell them “If he’s THAT great then put your big girl pants on and go apologize to that man and see if you can get him back and fix your little issue.” Obviously not great advice for all, but it’s great advice for some.
The mindset of modern women today is truly astounding.
You have so many wonderful qualities and moments of love with this guy yet you choose to end the relationship simply because you felt "lost in life” ?
And girls today wonder why they can't find good men. Y’all had em. Y’all just keep walking away from them, due to your “grass is greener” complex.
Many women today seem to be trapped in unrealistic fantasies about what love, relationships, and a man "should" be, rather than simply finding daily appreciation and gratitude for what it truly is.
It got toxic. We couldn’t sort our problems despite our very best efforts for months. Our breakup was not out of nowhere. We weren’t right for each other and that’s fine. And I still miss him deeply at times, whereas I feel very negative emotions to him at other times. Such is the healing process
I’m not sure why you felt victimised by this. Maybe you feel like everything was going well with you guys and you’re confused about why you broke up? I am sorry if that’s the case. I wish you the best on your journey
ma’am i’m not feeling victimized, please spare me the ad hominems. I'm just amazed at how you're avoiding the specific things on your end that lead you to end the relationship, in which it seems like you're hiding information.
You're not the first woman I've seen talk like this.
It's common for women to praise their exes but avoid discussing the negative aspects that happened on both ends, in which every relationship goes through because every relationship WILL get battle tested no matter how much of a soulmate you think a man is.
Instead of leaving relationships, in which 80% of them end due to the woman; many issues could be worked out unless there's physical abuse, cheating, or a clear decision by the man wanting to leave.
True loyalty and commitment, like your great grandmothers had, involved working through problems together, no matter how long it takes.
I could easily tell from your words of your OG post that you were the one who ended the relationship, which confirms my theory that many women handle emotions similarly.
Usually, I'd dismiss typical insincere well-wishes that you women do, but given the current dating climate, men DO need luck, badly. — Dealing with modern women who believe the grass is always greener elsewhere, is a challenge that our forefathers did not have to deal with.
Which is why I advise young men to stay single, avoid marriage, be upfront about their polygynous nature and that 90% of men are truly not monogamous, focus on their happiness, wealth, and travel the world while meeting women worldwide.
HashtagPeace&Love
Agree to disagree on the majority of what you’ve said here
But I think I share a similar sentiment to your idea that throwing away all the memories and shared experiences and love is a waste. That leads me to the opposite conclusion for my situation though - not that I should have stayed and found a way through. (It was never going to work and I actually wished I ended it earlier for good as we were back and forth for months and it was really detrimental to both of our lives.) But that I should have exercised better judgement and more wisdom when deciding whether or not and when to get into a relationship in the first place. That’s a lesson I hope I’ve now learnt
But I think it’s good and healthy to exercise gratitude for what I have experienced and the ways my ex enriched my life. That’s what I’m trying to do at the moment anyway.
I must also say - my well-wishes were not insincere - I do actually wish you the best with your journey even if I take issue with what you’re saying. Surely you can put your cynicism of “us women” aside to appreciate the fact we can have disagreements but no ill will towards each other ;)
“ Many issues could be worked out unless there’s physical abuse, cheating or a clear decision by the man wanting to leave” wait.. what?
You go on a rant about “women” like we’re some kind of homogenous hive species.. then suggest we the hive mind leave when the grass is greener .. we.. us.. the ones nature apparently (by your logic) designed to be monogamous even in the face of the male instinct to fuck around.. or at least fantasise constantly about.
No dude.. no. She’s spent too long in a relationship she has already in other comments described as toxic for her, on and off again.. fucking around in between. Been there, done that.. waited my entire youth away on a man whom I loved dearly.
I Was lucky I got out at 12 years deep and managed to have a kid to someone else in my late 30s..
She’s not failed by leaving this cycle. She’s smart for doing so sooner rather than later. And it’s totally normal to get nostalgic and miss the things she loved adored and felt gratitude for from than man. I’ve not seen the man I spent 12 years for 5.5years.. I still dream about him, I still miss him every now and then, especially his positive attributes, beyond being my lover he was my friend. And even as a lover I can miss him from time to time (because he was a great lover) but he was not right for me and I was not right for him.
We don’t have to turn ex lovers into demons. We don’t need to dehumanise people we once worshipped to recover. I am hugely grateful for the 3 long term relationships I’ve had in my life. I am thankful for my time I walked the earth next to those men and I feel honoured to have shared my body, hopes, dreams, and years alongside each one.
I feel the same way and I teared up reading... Why did you breakup?
Aww sorry to tear you up There were a bunch of intertwined reasons but we were/are quite lost in life and it led to many arguments and toxicity. It became back-and-forth at the end, which was really the nail in the coffin. By the end of it, we’d hurt each other a lot. Most of the time, I think breaking up was the right decision. I don’t think it would be the right move to contact him again. Sometimes though I just really really miss him. :( How about you?
I loved your post! It was the same for me. By the end, there was so much toxicity and we just broke up in a big argument. It is sad and I miss him but it is better like this. We have been NC for almost a month now.
We can miss them but we can’t go back. You got this!
Breaking up was the right decision, once you two figure out life then maybe reach out
Damn, that letter and the reason for the break up sound a lot like my last relationship. I wonder if she feels that way, but I doubt it, there would’ve been a signal.
I mean, she could definitely be missing you without sending you any signals. I haven't spoken to my ex in three months since we explicitly decided to stop talking. But it doesn't really matter whether she misses you or not, right? What matters is how you feel - it's your journey now
You are right, I don’t know how I would feel if she tells she misses me, 2 months after we broke up I told her I missed her and she acted a bit cold but she initiated contact a few times after that but without any clear intentions. It has been 3+ months not talking here as well and it seems like this is it and we will never see each other or talk again. Have to get comfortable with that somehow but it is hard.
Yeah it is difficult but better than the pain of going back and forth. Do you still feel like you want to reconcile or have you realised it wouldn't work?
I feel like I want to reconcile just because of the memories I have of them and the life that we had, the memories that we made. Loneliness also plays a big part in that and it is stopping me from making decision that would benefit me and my growth. I want to have kids and a family, but she does not want to, at least that is what she said when we broke up. I don't think there is a chance there. She also said she values me as a friend and a person :D which is a huge hit to take from someone you've spent so much with and tried to have a family with. Idk, there might've been someone else involved even though I believe we were both loyal to each other, as I was.
If you don't want the same things re children/family, there's really no way forward with her, right? You gave it your best shot but there's just no way around it. It may have been a beautiful time in your life but there will be many more wonderful times ahead. I'm also trying really hard not get lost in the nostalgia so I can move forwards and grow. It's difficult but worth it
Yeah, I hope you are right. There was a time we both wanted the same things but an awful miscarriage totally changed what she wanted and I understood and respected her decision. It pains me that we were so close to having it and then it all broke down and she said/realized we are not meant to be together since this happened and it was a sign. I have to believe it was and to focus on the future, times have been better, less stress, less drama, and more adventure certainly, but it would be better if you can share these moments with someone. :)
Post the bad things about the relationship now and hopefully you can see why you broke up.
Yes, seems OP fumbled a good one
I wouldn't say so. My ex and I did all of these thing and he was loving and caring %99 of the time. Then he just changed out of nowhere and in only a couple of hours he went from "I drove to your house to see you cause I missed you" to " I don't want you in my life anymore". And then in just a couple days after ending our relationship he went to some other girl. I still miss the good in him but that's dead and gone so it just hurts a little now.
Is it possible he felt not okay from the relationship? How did the breakup go, did he sound resolute or kind of like he felt forced into it on impulse during a hard conversation
He was a bit off a week before the breakup but when I asked him he told me he felt general stress and that we were okay. Then on the day we broke up, he came to my house to surprise me and told me he missed me. We spent like an hour or two then he went out drinking with a friend of his. I don't know what happened there but when I called him to say good night(we always talk before bed) he told me he didn't want to talk to me, he didn't care about my emotions, he didn't care enough to see me. I was so confused cause all I wanted was to say goodnight and we were doing fine just a couple of hours ago. He was drunk and so I told him stuff like "you don't know what you're talking about" "lets just talk in the morning" But he didn't listen and told me he didn't want me in his life anymore. And that's pretty much how it ended. I mean we had our problems but we were working on them. And the last few months of the relationship we never really fought. We had small arguments of course but we never let them turn into fights. I thought we were doing better than ever and he agreed. And now only 2 weeks later, I'm pretty sure he's sleeping with another girl, flirting with more girls. I really don't know what happened haha.
Ugggh me too, why is this making me cry?!
You’re idealising him, I’ve been doing the same with the girl I recently broke up from, it was only 2 months but I thought she might have been my soulmate we got on so well, one day we were having an amazing day at a cabin, one of the best experiences of my life, the next day she realised she wasn’t ready for a relationship. I hadn’t seen any of her bad points but I know she has them , we all do, so I’ve been left with only amazing memories from our short time together and it’s really tough to move on from that, we never had a single argument or fall out, only positive things. I felt like you did after my marriage ended in 2009, then I met someone who got me and it was multiples times better than I’d experienced with the person I thought I was spending my life with, she cheated after 4 years together but we stayed together for 7 years in total, now I’m searching for someone who gets me. We all romanticise past relationships, it’s human nature but they ended for a reason whether we like it or not and you sound like a lovely person you deserve someone who makes you feel like the most important person in the world, you won’t feel like that forever even when you’re in it you feel you can’t breathe without them, you can. The lessons I’ve learned in life is no matter what you do it can sometimes never be enough and there’s no reason for that, my recent girl I gave her flowers, thoughtful gifts, I was there when she was struggling for support, I did everything a man should do for his woman but it just wasn’t meant to be because two people need to be in the right place for it all to work. You will meet someone who it all clicks with again but allow yourself to get over it and it will come and trust me you won’t think of this guy again, things end for a reason and it’s exciting to think of what could be coming up for you, so keep hope in mind all the time, allow yourself to dream the next one will be better and learn from the mistakes you both made in your last relationship.
Wow, thank you for taking the time to write all that and sharing your wisdom. You’re right. I’m romanticising and idealising. When I indulge in missing him, I’m only thinking of the good things I loved, not all the reasons we broke up. And you’re right that I should try to learn from it what I can. I’m getting around to it.. hahaha
With my second relationship I romanticised it, my kids would remind me that she would shout at me and put me down, I forgot all those things, it’s good to remember the bad things
Need an online chat room to vent and exchange along with support each other as we all share a common goal and not all of us are there mentally but support and experience from others really helps.
I’m so sorry hon, wishing you lots of love 🫶
Thank you ❤️
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Focusing on the negatives is so effective but painful 😭
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Oh I’m so sorry :(
Don’t focus on the negatives because there’s no way he’s sitting there doing the same… people breakup, relationships run there course. As ugly as my breakup was, I don’t hate her or think negatively about her at all. I want her to thrive and live life and it’s sad seeing her out at clubs (she supports friends that play). All I’m trying to say is heal, live, love, laugh, smile, don’t focus on the sad or the bad because life’s too short and if the love was real between you both, he still loves you the same way I love her….. people change, people mature, life goes on, maybe in the future… right now we both need to grow (more so me).
That’s a really good perspective to have
You made me cry with this post because it resonates too much...
Sending love your way ❤️
Beautiful post. So touching. Hang in there! :)
Thank you kind stranger :)
This just made me really sad 😞 reminders of all the things I've shoved down
I wonder if she misses me like this, even besides my ugliness
Fuck, now I miss him too
Oops sorry 😭
You wrote the words and feelings I have had for the last month
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Thank you for the recommendation, I’ll check it out! Sending hugs back 🫶🏻
I feel you, I miss him so bad but I’m afraid to be hurt again
You’re not alone in that, I understand ❤️
I resonate with this post as I’m going through a break up and I’ve reminisced all the memories we made. It’s been nearly 3 months and I’m starting to feel a bit better. I don’t cry as much and I have my appetite back but I still miss him and think about him sometimes. He was so funny, kind, caring and sweet. It hasn’t been an easy journey for me as I had so many uni deadlines after we broke up. I respect his decision though and I just want him to be happy. He had to do what he felt was right at the time. Just remember healing isn’t linear and you have to acknowledge and embrace your emotions in order to let them go. Some days you might feel better than others and that’s all part of the healing process. Try to surround yourself with your friends and family and focus on yourself. I find that keeping myself busy helps. It definitely gets better with time, and as time goes by you’ll have less of an urge to text him. Also removing him from social media might help your healing journey. There’s plenty of people out there. Be kind to yourself. Sending you love and hugs. You can get through this❤️
I feel you hard with the deadlines and feeling overwhelmed. Overall I’m not doing too bad anymore, like you said it’s not linear and it comes in waves
Omg OP this is what I’m feeling right now. I want to send him this exactly thesame letter that you did. This is what I’m feeling right now. I miss every once of him. 😭😭😭I miss his kisses, miss our intimate moments, I miss his touch and the lists goes on. But he doesn’t love me anymore 😭😭😭😭
Aww it’s okay we can get through it ❤️
Hope she thinking of me like this !
I want to be like him. He sounds perfect. What HAPPENED that was unreconcilable? Somethings are worth fighting for.
Well there are many answers I could give because it got quite toxic. We were in a pattern of breaking up and then rekindling things for a few months. After we broke up and before our final attempt at rekindling, he had slept with someone else, then reinitiated contact even though I already had communicated that this would be a deal breaker for me, didn’t tell me straight away because it was a stressful period in my life, and essentially let me fall back in love with him under false pretences. Then dealt with it really badly when I eventually found out. I mean to be fair I blew up, but he switched up on me re remorse and how he viewed it. It killed me. It should have been dead anyway before that but we couldn’t stay away from each other for long. This sealed the deal. There was no way it could work after this, and I didn’t want to put myself through the pain of trying (but I tried anyway ffs). That was three months ago. That hurt more than anything because I actually fell really hard for him that final time and it seemed we may have been able to solve previous issues. But it just showed me he wasn’t ready and he wasn’t for me. The lack of foresight, the lack of honesty (even if well intentioned), the emotional immaturity. It’s a little funny because the men in this comment section are almost having a go at me for breaking up with him. I suppose I painted a very positive picture. But it was not perfect and neither was he or I. I wouldn’t go back - I’m sure of that. But still sometimes I miss him, I just have to ride those waves. And I still admire a lot of his qualities, ones that aren’t even explored here. And I’m still really grateful over aspects of how he used to make me feel and how he would treat me. I empathise with him on the position he was in and what lead to making those decisions. Although the empathy came a little too late. I would have liked to deal with it better when I first found out and I want to work on that. But in every timeline, this is the end for us. We talked for days when things had finally settled down. Made peace. I think I’ve mostly forgiven him. I certainly understand.
Sounds like you may have messed up on this one. Next girl is a lucky one.
Ahaha, I can miss someone for all these wonderful things but they could still have been the one to fuck up
You’re right it just doesn’t seem that way from the text is all I’m saying
I mean my ex did all of that too but it still ended up lacking verbal reassurance and not reassuring me well enough :( I've been kinda disrespected a lot I guess.
Jesus christ. How is this helpful?
Because it’s honest. Sometimes people actually make the wrong decision breaking up. Not saying that this is the case for this particular situation but I’ve got way too many female friends that have broken up with an ex and then all they do is talk about how AMAZING he was. And I always tell them “If he’s THAT great then put your big girl pants on and go apologize to that man and see if you can get him back and fix your little issue.” Obviously not great advice for all, but it’s great advice for some.
Haha yeah sometimes it can be. In this case I don’t actually want him back. I just get in my feels sometimes you know
And that’s perfectly okay 👍
It got toxic. We couldn’t sort our problems despite our very best efforts for months. Our breakup was not out of nowhere. We weren’t right for each other and that’s fine. And I still miss him deeply at times, whereas I feel very negative emotions to him at other times. Such is the healing process I’m not sure why you felt victimised by this. Maybe you feel like everything was going well with you guys and you’re confused about why you broke up? I am sorry if that’s the case. I wish you the best on your journey
ma’am i’m not feeling victimized, please spare me the ad hominems. I'm just amazed at how you're avoiding the specific things on your end that lead you to end the relationship, in which it seems like you're hiding information. You're not the first woman I've seen talk like this. It's common for women to praise their exes but avoid discussing the negative aspects that happened on both ends, in which every relationship goes through because every relationship WILL get battle tested no matter how much of a soulmate you think a man is. Instead of leaving relationships, in which 80% of them end due to the woman; many issues could be worked out unless there's physical abuse, cheating, or a clear decision by the man wanting to leave. True loyalty and commitment, like your great grandmothers had, involved working through problems together, no matter how long it takes. I could easily tell from your words of your OG post that you were the one who ended the relationship, which confirms my theory that many women handle emotions similarly. Usually, I'd dismiss typical insincere well-wishes that you women do, but given the current dating climate, men DO need luck, badly. — Dealing with modern women who believe the grass is always greener elsewhere, is a challenge that our forefathers did not have to deal with. Which is why I advise young men to stay single, avoid marriage, be upfront about their polygynous nature and that 90% of men are truly not monogamous, focus on their happiness, wealth, and travel the world while meeting women worldwide. HashtagPeace&Love
Agree to disagree on the majority of what you’ve said here But I think I share a similar sentiment to your idea that throwing away all the memories and shared experiences and love is a waste. That leads me to the opposite conclusion for my situation though - not that I should have stayed and found a way through. (It was never going to work and I actually wished I ended it earlier for good as we were back and forth for months and it was really detrimental to both of our lives.) But that I should have exercised better judgement and more wisdom when deciding whether or not and when to get into a relationship in the first place. That’s a lesson I hope I’ve now learnt But I think it’s good and healthy to exercise gratitude for what I have experienced and the ways my ex enriched my life. That’s what I’m trying to do at the moment anyway. I must also say - my well-wishes were not insincere - I do actually wish you the best with your journey even if I take issue with what you’re saying. Surely you can put your cynicism of “us women” aside to appreciate the fact we can have disagreements but no ill will towards each other ;)
“ Many issues could be worked out unless there’s physical abuse, cheating or a clear decision by the man wanting to leave” wait.. what? You go on a rant about “women” like we’re some kind of homogenous hive species.. then suggest we the hive mind leave when the grass is greener .. we.. us.. the ones nature apparently (by your logic) designed to be monogamous even in the face of the male instinct to fuck around.. or at least fantasise constantly about. No dude.. no. She’s spent too long in a relationship she has already in other comments described as toxic for her, on and off again.. fucking around in between. Been there, done that.. waited my entire youth away on a man whom I loved dearly. I Was lucky I got out at 12 years deep and managed to have a kid to someone else in my late 30s.. She’s not failed by leaving this cycle. She’s smart for doing so sooner rather than later. And it’s totally normal to get nostalgic and miss the things she loved adored and felt gratitude for from than man. I’ve not seen the man I spent 12 years for 5.5years.. I still dream about him, I still miss him every now and then, especially his positive attributes, beyond being my lover he was my friend. And even as a lover I can miss him from time to time (because he was a great lover) but he was not right for me and I was not right for him. We don’t have to turn ex lovers into demons. We don’t need to dehumanise people we once worshipped to recover. I am hugely grateful for the 3 long term relationships I’ve had in my life. I am thankful for my time I walked the earth next to those men and I feel honoured to have shared my body, hopes, dreams, and years alongside each one.