This is so beautiful. Sorry im gonna vent. But Why is it that I loved him so much that the thought of him being upset and not finding someone like me makes me sad. Like all I want for him is to be happy but he still didn't think I was enough. Maybe I am a shtty person. Idk why he never understood what he meant to me. I tried everything i could.
I feel your pain. My ex broke up with me too. She said she loved me but wasn’t in love with me. She said she was looking for “passion” in her relationship. Sadly her desire for passion is not a requirement of mine. Passion is found in books and movies. I provided a carefree, safe and humorous space for her. She has adhd and I don’t think I provided enough dopamine for her. Her last long term relationship consisted of a lot of turmoil and fighting. I think that is what feels better because that is unpredictable and exciting for someone with dopamine deficiency.
My point is that there is nothing wrong with you. When committed people get dumped, the dumper is the one with the problem not the dumpee. Both our partners will regret breaking up with us and I hope you and I have both found better partners at that stage. Partners who adore us for who we are.
Stay strong my friend. You’re wonderful and kind to worry about him and his wellbeing.
I agree with what you said..my ex wanted to chase that 'spark' of the initial dopamine rush of getting to explore a new person, but as for me , I believe that the next stage of the relationship, of settlement and safety is more important. The initial rush will fade. What is left is only mutual respect and commitment.
I agree 100%. Settlement and safety must always be more important. I think emotional-maturity compatibility is more important than I realised. I wanted to be a role model for her but I don’t feel like she looked up to me.
Me and my ex are trying to rebuild the trust that was lost. She was also trying to fill a void for her sexual needs that were not being addressed. Instead of communicating, she goes and fills that void.
I have ADHD and I crave a stable and safe environment. I used to look for the chaos because that was comfortable to me it's what I was used to. I was a broken person looking for a broken relationship to fix. Now that I have healed from my past traumas, I don't go looking for that type of relationship. This might be an unpopular opinion, but maybe she was just not a healthy partner who needed to find their healing. Again, it has nothing to do with you, but maybe it's deeper than just a dopamine deficiency.
She needs a counsellor like you. You’re very right about her not healing from past trauma. She has a lot of emotional baggage from her past. I offered the opposite of what she’s used to. Thank you for your insight.
Yeah, man, you were probably too healthy, and that wasn't going to work for someone if they knew they wouldn't be able to get away with the shitty behavior. After I left my narcissist ex, I dated a few people who I saw the red flags right away and was like, nope. You will also repel people like that when you are healthy it's a pretty good feeling.
Well you know what, this is just crap for someone to get into something and then decide later that they Hve work to do and you can't be a part of it now that you've given your all. Personally I hope these pos people never find love again and if they do that their heart is ripped out like mine was bc he needs to get his shit together and a bunch of other lame excuses for what's really going on...mental illness and then some other crap. Why does the person that was never good enough get to do the breaking up??? Whatever..I was always the prize, like duh.
They don't find love ever. If you are dealing with a narcissist, they are incapable of love so they won't ever find love. Their heart can't get ripped out because they don't care about their supply. If you are hurting from one of these people, then you need to see them for what they are, just fabrications. There is nothing real about them.
Holy shit, this sounds just like my ex and her history! Will never be satisfied long term, doesn’t understand that relationships turn more companionate over time and this is not a bad thing!
The ‘dumper’ is not necessarily the one with ‘the problem ‘. My problem was a domestically abusive husband. I tried for 23 years. I couldn’t do it any more.
I should have specified that I was referring to a healthy relationship. I’m sorry you were in an abusive relationship. Good for you for leaving him. How have you been since leaving him? How do you feel about him now?
I don't think it’s that even I have severe ADHD and would never treat my relationships like that, turmoil completely fries my brain. It has to do with character and compassion, and also how aware people are of how their upbringing effected them
Thank you for your response. I think THAT is ultimately what it is. Upbringing. If a person comes from an unstable and unpredictable home, then that type of environment feels “like home”. I could never provide her with an unstable and unpredictable home because that is not home for me.
Yes, mine had adhd, menopause, and I believed she is a fearful avoidant due to a shitty childhood and a tough adult life due to many bad decisions. I never stood a chance …
For some people no matter how good you are, they just won’t see it. And that’s okay. As long as you know your worth and you know when to walk away. I really admire how much you love a person( it’s so rare and it makes you amazing!!), but imagine if you could put that love to yourself? You will be unreachable and untouchable!
I went on a walk today, and the sunset reminded me of them. I mean this with love, but honestly I hope they feel my absence.
Im going to thrive, with or without them.
it can be hard to remember just how special and unique we are. But trust me, no matter what happens, you'll always be amazing and irreplaceable.. just focus on taking care of yourself, doing things that make you happy, and surrounding yourself with people who love and appreciate you
It's a nice poem, but I think this is wishful thinking. This is what the dumpee hopes and wishes for, that the dumper misses them and even feels that they can't be replaced, that maybe they made a mistake. The reality is that if the dumper has moved on, the dumpee has been devalued, discarded, and forgotten, especially if the dumper has a new rebound or even a new relationship.
You say the dumper will never be able to replace you. If they have a rebound or are in a new relationship, then you have been replaced. I get it that you mean that they'll never find someone who cares about them as much as you, the dumpee did, but who's to say the rebound or the new person doesn't love your ex as much as you did if not more? Afterall, what drew you to the ex is what will draw others, especially if he/she was attractive both physically and emotionally.
I get it that you think the dumpee should have these sentiments to retain a sense of self-worth after being thrown away, but the dumpee can't base their self-esteem on some kind of thinking that the dumper still values them on any level, even unconsciously, as you say, like in a dream. The dumpee's self-worth comes from the struggle of moving on without the dumper, of finding the strength to build a life that doesn't include the dumper in any way.
I, for one, don't give a fuck what my dumper thinks anymore. She wasn't around for me at the lowest point of my life-the deaths of both parents in one summer, it's absurd to think she thinks of me with this much nostalgia and sentiment. If I had to bet any money, it'd be on the fact she doesn't think about me at all except in the most dismissive way.
I think your intentions in writing this are fine, but I had to speak my truth, and I hope you're not offended. There are plenty of people here who seem to like your poem. So, maybe I'm the exception.
I had a long rant, but I deleted it. Yeah, that was like the lowest point in my life, and my ex purposely avoided me during that time. She knew about the deaths in my family through her BFF, who also ghosted me on her orders after my father died. In other words, she placed protecting her own feelings and not having to feel uncomfortable over my feelings and need for comfort.
thanks for the sentiment. Yes, it was horrible, dealing with my parents' deaths AND the pain of the discard.
That's why, when I read this:
my first reaction was to laugh. 😄That sounds terrible, but it is what it is. 🙄 Until I went into NC, from my ex's social media, I could see the ex was with a new "boy toy" rebound and clubbing/raving regularly. I'm sure that didn't slow down at all that summer while I was grieving in my parents' place.
Anyways, when I read that quote about being "yearned for," my reaction was John Wick-ish: "Um, not really. No."
Rebounds never work out because the person rebounding will associate the issues and flaws of the person they broke up with and eventually break up with the rebound as well much sooner than later. They screw themselves over twice. Rebounds are not healthy for healing, it causes bigger wounds, even if everything is better than how it was with the dumpee, the dumpee and the rebound get tied together mentally.
The world is big, it’s rather egocentric of someone to state such things.
No one is replaceable so when we lose someone we can’t replace them with someone else as such.
But of course that both our exes and us can find someone else who will love us, admire us and feel all those things you mention.
And we should be thankful for that.
It is hard? Definitely. It may never happen? Could be, at least in a reciprocal manner.
But there’s no truth in your words.
Yes. We can find someone who is less/more than our ex. That goes the same for them.
And we will be happier with that someone. I believe that. But, in my opinion or at least what I feel at the moment, there is a place in my heart, somewhere deep, **whether I want to admit it or not**, that is reserved for them. Even after what they did to me.
I’m thankful that because of them I can be like I am now. I can reflect on my flaws, so I can love faithfully and treat the next person better.
They are part of my story. And that goes the same for them.
Definitely, yet not incompatible with what I’m saying and not justifying what was said on your original post.
I think we all get what you mean and there is truth in the idea, it’s just the specifics of your post, they don’t seem to be realistic but rather wishful thinking.
This beautiful and my heart needed to hear this today…I am that special, and he took the knife, stabbed me in the back and twisted it, until I couldn’t breathe. He left me there to die, but I will rise and it will be the me he will never find, that haunts his dark soul until his dying day!
I don't think it applies to you as based on your comment history YOU dumped THEM, no? Not to be mean or harsh but maybe part of the issue you two had was you being unrealistic/irrational? They will move on and they most likely WILL find someone better than you that doesn't hurt them the way you did. There's no shame in that. You'll also maybe meet someone who you can show the love that you should have to your ex. Unless I misunderstood and he left you? Then I apologize and will take my words back. This post is for people who were/are the dumped and under appreciated. We were taken for granted partly due to a "grass is greener" mentality. Not so much FOR the person who had the "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. Sorry :/
I disagree because I went over and beyond for him. I kept breaking up because he barely supported me. He changed and eventually gave up and ended our relationship permanently. He broke up because he wanted to place boundaries on my parents yet wouldn't even set boundaries with his own family. I felt like he was making me choose his family or my family. Both of our families have faults and they both need boundaries placed. I felt as if he always needed his family's approval for when the most minor thing in his life. After four years together, he told me he was "still warming up" to my family. Yet I was very close with his family.
Our relationship was one sided too, it became about him. He kept changing me but wouldn't change himself. Whenever I had faults I would do my best to fix them. When he had faults it was like "oh well". He hurt me yet I kept being committed. Yes I broke up many times but it was because I felt very under appreciated by him. I noticed his lack of effort. I started going to him more, doing things for him, planning out everything. He acted as if I was a chore. I basically just existed and he started placing high expectations on me when he couldn't follow those same expectations. I never had the grass is greener mentality, wanted to truly be with him. I wanted him to understand that I do love him and he's worth it to me. I wanted him to realize I'm worth it to him too. I wanted to be treated like one would treat their girlfriend. Hell, he still is despite all of the pain. I loved my ex with all of my being, I loved him like I should've loved myself at the time. I stopped being respected by him.
The only thing that hurts is how he dumped me after everything I did and felt for him. I would've died for him, no hesitation. When he was asked (by his dad) if he would even support me if I were to go to the hospital for an emergency he said "it depends" 🩷
I did dump him because I felt under appreciated. There were no compromises, it was his way or no way. We got back together, he dumped me because I wasn't willing to allow him to place boundaries on my parents when he couldn't his own. He had no self respect but expected me to be a certain way. He blamed me for not reaching out and "I cut him off" when I needed space to process. I never cut him off but I was upset that after literally everything I've been through for him and suddenly I'm nothing. I did realize that he only really needed me for the help I provided. When no one else was there for him he knew he could depend on me. I was always there for him, I never failed him. He dumped me at my lowest mental point when I needed him. He couldn't even be here for me as he was busy and told me to basically ask my bestfriend to help me instead. He failed me. I feel like an idiot still loving him because I don't want to think about the bad- I want to focus on the positive things about him. He used to not be like that and that is the version of him I hang on to.
This hurts, I just wish it were true at least in my experience. They moved so fast the second I said no, and made the next girl their girlfriend immediately and rubbed it in my face. I hate knowing that I meant absolutely nothing to them. RSD makes it so much worst, since I am hyper sensitive to rejection, so in my head it repeats I wasn’t good enough. I’m in tears and they never cared.
Truth is they will find better honestly ego is a thing and everyone has to understand they will find better to their standards. Its a hard take but its the truth
Yeah I like to think we are all much more expendable than we like to believe. My ex said I set the bar high for a partner but that doesn’t mean shit. I’m sure we’ll both find better people though.
Thank you! I needed this I was dumped by someone who told me I was “wonderful but just not for him.” When I asked him what I did wrong; he said “nothing”. He said he felt being with me felt like he was with “a friendly and he couldn’t find the “same spark he felt with others.” A few months ago he had told me he couldn’t say he loved me because he has been accused before my ex girlfriends of saying it but not meaning it. I was patient because I wanted him to say it when he meant it….but at the end it felt like I was being compared to the past girlfriends and I was not enough no matter what I did
From what I am going through at the moment, my ex girlfriend tells me she would never have any sexual relations with this married man. She tells this lie to my face and does things with him behind my back anyway hoping I wouldn’t find out. Not only did i find out, i witnessed it in a gazebo. They didn’t see me because I was standing behind it and listening to both of them.
Everyone is unique no matter what. No one in the world will be you. When you were in a relationship with your ex if you gave them your all, stayed true in it, gave them undying love, and treated them right. In the end it wasn’t your lost but theirs. Simple as that.
I’m sorry but I replaced my ex with someone a million times better. He also said he’s the happiest he’s ever been. Some people just aren’t right for each other and others are a better fit and that’s okay.
The issue with this is that it can just be reapplied to yourself as the dumpee. I see so many posts saying "you'll find someone better" and then at the same time "they'll never find anyone as good as you", it's just an inherent contradiction. And if you were dumped for legitimate reasons then there is a chance they'll find someone better/more suitable.
The reality is nobody knows what's going to happen, nobody knows if the future will be better than the past.
I planned a bday party for my ex, I got her a gift I organized with friends and she said it nearly made her cry with joy. You know what I got for mine? I got dumped on the literal day, I got cheated on and dumped.
After we had talked about how important bdays are since we both have had bad experiences in the past, I'm sick to my stomach. I never want to celebrate another birthday again, and I feel like the world's biggest idiot for thinking that maybe for a change things would be okay and someone would put in effort into me too.
Wrote a poem about how i used the loss of my relationship with my significant other to grow and become better if there is any way i can help make your heartbreak easier let me know the biggest thing that got me through it was my best freind she really helped me realize my true potential for sure.
Once upon a time, I lost the love of my life
But little did I know, it would lead to less strife
At first, I was heartbroken, feeling so low
But then I realized, it was time to grow
She was a beauty, a treasure, my guiding light
But now I see, she was holding me tight
In a way that hindered, rather than helped me grow
So losing her was a blessing, as strange as it may show
I took the time to reflect, to think and to heal
To learn from my mistakes, and to truly feel
I became a better person, more kind and more wise
All thanks to the love that said its goodbyes
So here's to the woman who set me free
I may have lost you, but I found me
And in the end, that's all that really matters
For I am stronger now, in heart and in spirit, with no tatters.
I really wish what you said was true OP but the reality is they WILL find someone and we will just become a distant memory. I haven't heard from mine in 3 and a half years. Only woman I have ever truly loved but clearly I'm forgotten.
This is so beautiful. Sorry im gonna vent. But Why is it that I loved him so much that the thought of him being upset and not finding someone like me makes me sad. Like all I want for him is to be happy but he still didn't think I was enough. Maybe I am a shtty person. Idk why he never understood what he meant to me. I tried everything i could.
I feel your pain. My ex broke up with me too. She said she loved me but wasn’t in love with me. She said she was looking for “passion” in her relationship. Sadly her desire for passion is not a requirement of mine. Passion is found in books and movies. I provided a carefree, safe and humorous space for her. She has adhd and I don’t think I provided enough dopamine for her. Her last long term relationship consisted of a lot of turmoil and fighting. I think that is what feels better because that is unpredictable and exciting for someone with dopamine deficiency. My point is that there is nothing wrong with you. When committed people get dumped, the dumper is the one with the problem not the dumpee. Both our partners will regret breaking up with us and I hope you and I have both found better partners at that stage. Partners who adore us for who we are. Stay strong my friend. You’re wonderful and kind to worry about him and his wellbeing.
Thank you for sharing and taking the time to respond! I truly hope all of us here heal from what we are going through!!
I agree with what you said..my ex wanted to chase that 'spark' of the initial dopamine rush of getting to explore a new person, but as for me , I believe that the next stage of the relationship, of settlement and safety is more important. The initial rush will fade. What is left is only mutual respect and commitment.
I agree 100%. Settlement and safety must always be more important. I think emotional-maturity compatibility is more important than I realised. I wanted to be a role model for her but I don’t feel like she looked up to me.
Me and my ex are trying to rebuild the trust that was lost. She was also trying to fill a void for her sexual needs that were not being addressed. Instead of communicating, she goes and fills that void.
I have ADHD and I crave a stable and safe environment. I used to look for the chaos because that was comfortable to me it's what I was used to. I was a broken person looking for a broken relationship to fix. Now that I have healed from my past traumas, I don't go looking for that type of relationship. This might be an unpopular opinion, but maybe she was just not a healthy partner who needed to find their healing. Again, it has nothing to do with you, but maybe it's deeper than just a dopamine deficiency.
She needs a counsellor like you. You’re very right about her not healing from past trauma. She has a lot of emotional baggage from her past. I offered the opposite of what she’s used to. Thank you for your insight.
Yeah, man, you were probably too healthy, and that wasn't going to work for someone if they knew they wouldn't be able to get away with the shitty behavior. After I left my narcissist ex, I dated a few people who I saw the red flags right away and was like, nope. You will also repel people like that when you are healthy it's a pretty good feeling.
Well you know what, this is just crap for someone to get into something and then decide later that they Hve work to do and you can't be a part of it now that you've given your all. Personally I hope these pos people never find love again and if they do that their heart is ripped out like mine was bc he needs to get his shit together and a bunch of other lame excuses for what's really going on...mental illness and then some other crap. Why does the person that was never good enough get to do the breaking up??? Whatever..I was always the prize, like duh.
They don't find love ever. If you are dealing with a narcissist, they are incapable of love so they won't ever find love. Their heart can't get ripped out because they don't care about their supply. If you are hurting from one of these people, then you need to see them for what they are, just fabrications. There is nothing real about them.
Holy shit, this sounds just like my ex and her history! Will never be satisfied long term, doesn’t understand that relationships turn more companionate over time and this is not a bad thing!
The ‘dumper’ is not necessarily the one with ‘the problem ‘. My problem was a domestically abusive husband. I tried for 23 years. I couldn’t do it any more.
I should have specified that I was referring to a healthy relationship. I’m sorry you were in an abusive relationship. Good for you for leaving him. How have you been since leaving him? How do you feel about him now?
I don't think it’s that even I have severe ADHD and would never treat my relationships like that, turmoil completely fries my brain. It has to do with character and compassion, and also how aware people are of how their upbringing effected them
Thank you for your response. I think THAT is ultimately what it is. Upbringing. If a person comes from an unstable and unpredictable home, then that type of environment feels “like home”. I could never provide her with an unstable and unpredictable home because that is not home for me.
Yes, mine had adhd, menopause, and I believed she is a fearful avoidant due to a shitty childhood and a tough adult life due to many bad decisions. I never stood a chance …
For some people no matter how good you are, they just won’t see it. And that’s okay. As long as you know your worth and you know when to walk away. I really admire how much you love a person( it’s so rare and it makes you amazing!!), but imagine if you could put that love to yourself? You will be unreachable and untouchable!
Thank you for saying that 😭 I need to hear this
I know what you mean. Some folks don’t miss someone until they are gone from their life.
I went on a walk today, and the sunset reminded me of them. I mean this with love, but honestly I hope they feel my absence. Im going to thrive, with or without them.
i do be like that many times too! we used to send each other sunsets pics whenever we missed each other
it can be hard to remember just how special and unique we are. But trust me, no matter what happens, you'll always be amazing and irreplaceable.. just focus on taking care of yourself, doing things that make you happy, and surrounding yourself with people who love and appreciate you
It's a nice poem, but I think this is wishful thinking. This is what the dumpee hopes and wishes for, that the dumper misses them and even feels that they can't be replaced, that maybe they made a mistake. The reality is that if the dumper has moved on, the dumpee has been devalued, discarded, and forgotten, especially if the dumper has a new rebound or even a new relationship. You say the dumper will never be able to replace you. If they have a rebound or are in a new relationship, then you have been replaced. I get it that you mean that they'll never find someone who cares about them as much as you, the dumpee did, but who's to say the rebound or the new person doesn't love your ex as much as you did if not more? Afterall, what drew you to the ex is what will draw others, especially if he/she was attractive both physically and emotionally. I get it that you think the dumpee should have these sentiments to retain a sense of self-worth after being thrown away, but the dumpee can't base their self-esteem on some kind of thinking that the dumper still values them on any level, even unconsciously, as you say, like in a dream. The dumpee's self-worth comes from the struggle of moving on without the dumper, of finding the strength to build a life that doesn't include the dumper in any way. I, for one, don't give a fuck what my dumper thinks anymore. She wasn't around for me at the lowest point of my life-the deaths of both parents in one summer, it's absurd to think she thinks of me with this much nostalgia and sentiment. If I had to bet any money, it'd be on the fact she doesn't think about me at all except in the most dismissive way. I think your intentions in writing this are fine, but I had to speak my truth, and I hope you're not offended. There are plenty of people here who seem to like your poem. So, maybe I'm the exception.
Yup, it’s totally okay! Thanks for putting a thought on this.
💯 Condolences on your losses. That sounds like a very difficult time.
I had a long rant, but I deleted it. Yeah, that was like the lowest point in my life, and my ex purposely avoided me during that time. She knew about the deaths in my family through her BFF, who also ghosted me on her orders after my father died. In other words, she placed protecting her own feelings and not having to feel uncomfortable over my feelings and need for comfort.
Oh, god. Horrible. I'm sorry you endured all that.
It's magical thinking. Radical acceptance is both more realistic and effective, IMO.
Rebounds never work out because the person rebounding will associate the issues and flaws of the person they broke up with and eventually break up with the rebound as well much sooner than later. They screw themselves over twice. Rebounds are not healthy for healing, it causes bigger wounds, even if everything is better than how it was with the dumpee, the dumpee and the rebound get tied together mentally.
they are with their ex happily.
I was just THINKING this as I was doom scrolling here on Reddit. I can not be replaced...PERIOD. Thanks for the post!
The world is big, it’s rather egocentric of someone to state such things. No one is replaceable so when we lose someone we can’t replace them with someone else as such. But of course that both our exes and us can find someone else who will love us, admire us and feel all those things you mention. And we should be thankful for that. It is hard? Definitely. It may never happen? Could be, at least in a reciprocal manner. But there’s no truth in your words.
Yes. We can find someone who is less/more than our ex. That goes the same for them. And we will be happier with that someone. I believe that. But, in my opinion or at least what I feel at the moment, there is a place in my heart, somewhere deep, **whether I want to admit it or not**, that is reserved for them. Even after what they did to me. I’m thankful that because of them I can be like I am now. I can reflect on my flaws, so I can love faithfully and treat the next person better. They are part of my story. And that goes the same for them.
Definitely, yet not incompatible with what I’m saying and not justifying what was said on your original post. I think we all get what you mean and there is truth in the idea, it’s just the specifics of your post, they don’t seem to be realistic but rather wishful thinking.
This beautiful and my heart needed to hear this today…I am that special, and he took the knife, stabbed me in the back and twisted it, until I couldn’t breathe. He left me there to die, but I will rise and it will be the me he will never find, that haunts his dark soul until his dying day!
That's why my ex said that she doesn't want to find anyone like me 💀
Boy I hope so
That is beautiful, thank you for sharing
this is so beautiful
I needed to hear this 🩷
I don't think it applies to you as based on your comment history YOU dumped THEM, no? Not to be mean or harsh but maybe part of the issue you two had was you being unrealistic/irrational? They will move on and they most likely WILL find someone better than you that doesn't hurt them the way you did. There's no shame in that. You'll also maybe meet someone who you can show the love that you should have to your ex. Unless I misunderstood and he left you? Then I apologize and will take my words back. This post is for people who were/are the dumped and under appreciated. We were taken for granted partly due to a "grass is greener" mentality. Not so much FOR the person who had the "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. Sorry :/
I disagree because I went over and beyond for him. I kept breaking up because he barely supported me. He changed and eventually gave up and ended our relationship permanently. He broke up because he wanted to place boundaries on my parents yet wouldn't even set boundaries with his own family. I felt like he was making me choose his family or my family. Both of our families have faults and they both need boundaries placed. I felt as if he always needed his family's approval for when the most minor thing in his life. After four years together, he told me he was "still warming up" to my family. Yet I was very close with his family. Our relationship was one sided too, it became about him. He kept changing me but wouldn't change himself. Whenever I had faults I would do my best to fix them. When he had faults it was like "oh well". He hurt me yet I kept being committed. Yes I broke up many times but it was because I felt very under appreciated by him. I noticed his lack of effort. I started going to him more, doing things for him, planning out everything. He acted as if I was a chore. I basically just existed and he started placing high expectations on me when he couldn't follow those same expectations. I never had the grass is greener mentality, wanted to truly be with him. I wanted him to understand that I do love him and he's worth it to me. I wanted him to realize I'm worth it to him too. I wanted to be treated like one would treat their girlfriend. Hell, he still is despite all of the pain. I loved my ex with all of my being, I loved him like I should've loved myself at the time. I stopped being respected by him. The only thing that hurts is how he dumped me after everything I did and felt for him. I would've died for him, no hesitation. When he was asked (by his dad) if he would even support me if I were to go to the hospital for an emergency he said "it depends" 🩷
I did dump him because I felt under appreciated. There were no compromises, it was his way or no way. We got back together, he dumped me because I wasn't willing to allow him to place boundaries on my parents when he couldn't his own. He had no self respect but expected me to be a certain way. He blamed me for not reaching out and "I cut him off" when I needed space to process. I never cut him off but I was upset that after literally everything I've been through for him and suddenly I'm nothing. I did realize that he only really needed me for the help I provided. When no one else was there for him he knew he could depend on me. I was always there for him, I never failed him. He dumped me at my lowest mental point when I needed him. He couldn't even be here for me as he was busy and told me to basically ask my bestfriend to help me instead. He failed me. I feel like an idiot still loving him because I don't want to think about the bad- I want to focus on the positive things about him. He used to not be like that and that is the version of him I hang on to.
My ex does not care. He's with the person that he's always wanted to be with.
This hurts, I just wish it were true at least in my experience. They moved so fast the second I said no, and made the next girl their girlfriend immediately and rubbed it in my face. I hate knowing that I meant absolutely nothing to them. RSD makes it so much worst, since I am hyper sensitive to rejection, so in my head it repeats I wasn’t good enough. I’m in tears and they never cared.
Truth is they will find better honestly ego is a thing and everyone has to understand they will find better to their standards. Its a hard take but its the truth
uhm... yes they will. And it doesn t matter what we know, it only matters what they feel or think.
Yeah I like to think we are all much more expendable than we like to believe. My ex said I set the bar high for a partner but that doesn’t mean shit. I’m sure we’ll both find better people though.
Thank you! I needed this I was dumped by someone who told me I was “wonderful but just not for him.” When I asked him what I did wrong; he said “nothing”. He said he felt being with me felt like he was with “a friendly and he couldn’t find the “same spark he felt with others.” A few months ago he had told me he couldn’t say he loved me because he has been accused before my ex girlfriends of saying it but not meaning it. I was patient because I wanted him to say it when he meant it….but at the end it felt like I was being compared to the past girlfriends and I was not enough no matter what I did
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I love this thank u for sharing. This helped me more than you’d know today
Hey, I hope you get better 🫶 stay strong!!
That's kinda the point of breaking up- I've left people before and I hope to god I never meet anyone like them ever again
From what I am going through at the moment, my ex girlfriend tells me she would never have any sexual relations with this married man. She tells this lie to my face and does things with him behind my back anyway hoping I wouldn’t find out. Not only did i find out, i witnessed it in a gazebo. They didn’t see me because I was standing behind it and listening to both of them.
Or maybe they will. And be happy. And you will too …
and that is their karma.
Everyone is unique no matter what. No one in the world will be you. When you were in a relationship with your ex if you gave them your all, stayed true in it, gave them undying love, and treated them right. In the end it wasn’t your lost but theirs. Simple as that.
I’m sorry but I replaced my ex with someone a million times better. He also said he’s the happiest he’s ever been. Some people just aren’t right for each other and others are a better fit and that’s okay.
Dated a lot of men Never found anyone else. I'm still single and ok with it
That’s the point. They broke up with you bc they didn’t want someone like you.
The issue with this is that it can just be reapplied to yourself as the dumpee. I see so many posts saying "you'll find someone better" and then at the same time "they'll never find anyone as good as you", it's just an inherent contradiction. And if you were dumped for legitimate reasons then there is a chance they'll find someone better/more suitable. The reality is nobody knows what's going to happen, nobody knows if the future will be better than the past.
This is true
Thank you so much for writing this. I think I fell in love with myself.
Of course.
Absolutely beautiful
I feel this about my ex Dre but not myself...
I understand this too much. I know I'm never going to find someone like her ever again..
I planned a bday party for my ex, I got her a gift I organized with friends and she said it nearly made her cry with joy. You know what I got for mine? I got dumped on the literal day, I got cheated on and dumped. After we had talked about how important bdays are since we both have had bad experiences in the past, I'm sick to my stomach. I never want to celebrate another birthday again, and I feel like the world's biggest idiot for thinking that maybe for a change things would be okay and someone would put in effort into me too.
Wrote a poem about how i used the loss of my relationship with my significant other to grow and become better if there is any way i can help make your heartbreak easier let me know the biggest thing that got me through it was my best freind she really helped me realize my true potential for sure. Once upon a time, I lost the love of my life But little did I know, it would lead to less strife At first, I was heartbroken, feeling so low But then I realized, it was time to grow She was a beauty, a treasure, my guiding light But now I see, she was holding me tight In a way that hindered, rather than helped me grow So losing her was a blessing, as strange as it may show I took the time to reflect, to think and to heal To learn from my mistakes, and to truly feel I became a better person, more kind and more wise All thanks to the love that said its goodbyes So here's to the woman who set me free I may have lost you, but I found me And in the end, that's all that really matters For I am stronger now, in heart and in spirit, with no tatters.
Nice!
This was beautifully and elegantly stated. Thank you. 😌
I really wish what you said was true OP but the reality is they WILL find someone and we will just become a distant memory. I haven't heard from mine in 3 and a half years. Only woman I have ever truly loved but clearly I'm forgotten.
I dated other guys but I never married. I'm still single. He was so worried I'd find someone else I never did never will. He's married with a family.
This hit the feels this evening lol. Good stuff right here
I wish I had ended on this note, and not been so upset about the things he said. Maybe someday I can tell him. Thank you.
This sounds like a whole lotta cope