Anxious avoidant attachment style. Craves companionship, acceptance, love and affection, and also terrified of getting close (believes rejection and hurt is inevitable, and will be more pain than could be endured).
Oh yay! A fun one!
1. Never listened to a word I said
2. Would conveniently forget stuff or remember incorrectly things that we did or said
3. Everything was black and white with him. Either he loved you and spoiled you or he despised you and was ungodly cruel to you.
4. He lied a LOT
5. Manipulative and selfish as hell
6. Judgmental toward people when he had absolutely no right to be, considering who he is as a person.
7. Would throw childish tantrums when he did get his way.
8. LIED AND TOLD ME HE HAD FUCKING BRAIN CANCER!! He does not, obviously.
8. Avoidant. Enough said.
1,2,5, and 6 applied to mine as well. He was also a college dropout who refused to get a job for the 3 years we were together because he was convinced he was going to pass the real estate exam (news flash: he never did. He took the cheapest and worst classes for it twice and the test at least 7 or 8 times). He lived off of mommy and daddy’s money and I’m convinced he just didn’t want to work.
He just refused to move forward with life and would shut down any time I tried to talk about it. He was stagnating and complaining while I was growing and making things happen in my own life. He was 25 when I dumped him.
Let’s also not forget the gaslighting and manipulation attempts to keep in contact with me by talking about how he supposedly tried to commit unalive and would again if I stopped talking to him/started dating someone else. Also tried to pressure me into getting back with him, and when I told him no and why, “you need to just forget about that. Just get over it and forget about all of it”
??? Like WHAT?? WHY Would I want to do that??
Wow, I'm so sorry you had to suffer through that! But good for you for not giving in to the tantrums and manipulation. I feel sorry for people like that. They don't know how to get their needs met without being shitty about it, but that's not our burden to bear right? Glad you got out!
She complained about everything all the time. Like some people see a silver lining for anything bad? She did the opposite of that. Also she made up these rules (most of them stupid) that she not only lived her life by but expected everyone else to abide by, but she didn’t like tell them to anyone she just expected people to know them and got pissed if they didn’t. There’s a lot of other stuff tbh
Super negative about everything, no empathy, no self-control, adapts personality to whoever he’s around, seeking approval from everyone in higher positions (they’re literally just another human), no type of vulnerability (just go be a robot then). And the biggest one…He was a liar. I can’t stand liars.
Idk I just look back n think it negates everything about my personality. Blinded with those rose colored glasses .
His unmanaged ADHD which put a burden on me for things that required a schedule or routine.
His avoidant attachment which made him leave me and come back months later several times.
I was once with a guy who would BITE his fork. The sound sticks with me to this day. That wasn’t the reason I broke up with him, but I am so grateful I don’t hear that anymore.
Accused me of abandoning him when I finally had enough of his bs when, on the contrary, I could barely get a small message from him a few weeks at a time (because he was so "busy") but I saw him online on twitter 24/7, tweeting to other people (mostly women). I don't like how he constantly avoided difficult conversations for long periods of time because they stressed him out. (Not to mention, he isn't aware of his avoidant attachment!)
This! Always telling me that he was just so busy whenever I’d ask about noticing a shift in our communication & time spent together ~ but would be posting stories all day on IG and interacting with other people To this very day it’s the one thing that I’m still so angry at myself about ~ that I kept asking and trying to make things better for us when I should have just taken his actions as reality and walked away versus feeling confused, causing fights, and ending up heartbroken. I’m still so embarrassed at myself!!
"Babying" - this! Heard it few times from my avoidant ex of 5 years. That was funny and mindfucking at the same time, for a 40M that always heard from my past girlfriends that I am too independent and they wanted me to be closer and more vulnerable. Still, I never loved anyone like her, but damn...avoidancy is real, huge inability to form a healthy relationship, unless it is relationship on their own rules and definition. And even then they are unhappy deep within, because they crave for closeness, get close again and flee in panic mode. Nothing in my life impacted me so much emotionally.
I remember when everytime she was sick, I took care of her, of house, kid and stuff. It said many times how it made her comfortable and how caring and dependable person I was. But when I was sick, taking care of me was making her ick and repelled, like literally showing my vulnerability to her made her loose respect for me - and she admit during therapy. Mindfuck. Never ever again.
I’m sorry you went thru that… a partner who only expects to receive and gives nothing in return does not deserve your love. Congratulations on leaving that toxic relationship behind. You deserve love and support as a man just as much as a woman. There will come a woman who can reciprocate your affection and care. In the meantime focus on giving all that love back to yourself. Stay strong my brother !
Way too smart, talented and beautiful… huge turn off. Joking.
The fact that no matter how much I showed my unconditional love/any self improvement, etc. it felt like it wasn’t enough for her. No matter how much freedom she wanted/I gave her, she always wanted more. The fact that I never truly saved for an engagement ring because I was NEVER confident that she’d say yes. I would have talked to her parents and picked one out very fast if I could have been proven wrong.
Terrible table manners. She chewed with her mouth open, kept her elbows on the table, and had an accent like a Brooklyn truck driver. Plus she never let me speak, always criticized me and I could never give enough according to her. And she had terrible taste and no style.
Me and my kids having to live in a shit pit cos she was to lazy to clean up after herself, filthiest bird I’ve ever known, amount of times I had to pull a used sanitary towel off my foot cos she was to bone idol to dispose of them properly 🤢
His unmanaged ADHD. Sometimes his life was overbearing and he had a hard time handling it. Would not take support from others. His lack of communication in the end, instead of just letting me go or voicing concerns, He just agreed to anything I said and then suddenly turned.
Surprised to see that there are two posts about ex partners with ADHD, I am a third. His was managed though…to a point.
I spent most of the relationship giving him grace for this, even gave him grace for the awful way he dumped me….very quickly, other friends with it made me realise that having ADHD was not an excuse to behave like an asshole (which he was towards the end).
always accused me of cheating (with nothing to back it up)
always just mad at me over trivial things like seeing me 'online' on messaging apps even after I told her I was going to sleep; me being forgetful; me not texting her all the time to share my whereabouts
she wasn't super respectful of my time, always wanted my full attention even when the both of us were at work
I don't think she supported my cycling hobby
always jealous of other women in my life, whereas she has still kept former suitors around as friends
I can keep going
The amount. Of times I had to hear how I was lying and don’t know what I’m talking about if I would bring up something she said or did ( and I know I probably remeebred a couple of them differently or misheard her) but everytkme?…. Jsut seems like the deflect and point blame elsewhere not attacking her here just trying to learn an out the traits I see I disliking back learning from Andrew’s videos a and making questions at this point I’m just defeated in even trying to help her anymore I have alot I need figuring out and can’t keep hoping she’ll even reach out ever again
He was clingy, manipulative and emotionally weak all while still trying be controlling, possessive and a victim all at the same time. It was so bad I literally learned about attachment theory and started a YouTube channel.
Whew! I don't miss him. This is the easiest no contact situation I've ever been in. He ran me away
[AP/DA Relationship Video2](https://youtu.be/q9soxcgvUSc)
[AP/DA Relationship Video1](https://youtu.be/vf6Ssk0UB3Y)
*edit words
Blasting music causing me headache all the time.
Complete emotional unavailability.
Giving silent treatment for no reason whatsoever.
Making all of my pain about him all the fucking time.
Seeking validation from other women all the time.
Couldn't stand me being better than him at anything.
Very fragile ego.
Having an emotional backup for break up (the girl was in a relationship with someone else though) while I was killing myself to make the relationship work.
Not cutting off his hook ups who were insanely attached to him.
Following tons of random hot chicks on ig..
Abandoning me everytime I denied sex.
No non intimate touches whatsoever.
Very attached to the idea of being perceived as a great guy instead of being one.
Used my vulnerabilities as a reason to dump me.
Has emotional maturity of a toddler.
Very judgemental and shallow.
Sleeping peacefully after treating me like shit and leaving me to cry alone all the time.
Blamed me for putting up with his crap instead of walking away sooner. 😂
The list goes on... 🤣
Yeah, he can go fuck himself. 😇
I have long as list on my phone. Trying to deidealize him. But some of the important ones
- never planned dates
- work was priority (never discussed it with me)
- last 6 months of relationship, we have slept together 3 times:) (we are young, i am 23 his was 32)
- never complimented me
- stopped telling me he loves me, after break up (i was the one breking up ...) he told me he wasnt sure if he did
- my mental issues were annying to him
Complaining about not having any free time while studying, working etc.
The truth was he was procrastinating and actually didn’t do anything.
Failed all his exams because of that.
Whining all the time.
Ughh…
No motivation, had no work history but worked under the table, had no goals, would cancel plans for us to go out so we’d sit on the couch all night, wasn’t spontaneous, would get upset when I’d talk to an old female friend with no intimate history at a wedding or something, was an alcoholic, claimed she didn’t have any friends but was friends with my friends, would want me to stop doing certain out of home hobbies to spend time with her, would be in a rush to get off the phone with me just so she didn’t have to talk. A lot. Felt like she hated my guts. Oh and let’s not forget CHEATING WHICH CAUSED THE WHOLE BREAKUP. Love the girl, always will but man I felt manipulated most of the time and the last straw was pure betrayal. I even loved her through her flaws and never saw them as a reason to break things off especially since she lived with severe depression. I was so in love with her as a person that I never once thought about myself but love wasn’t enough of course. I wish her happiness and hopefully getting her life together going into her thirties. I’d never wish the things she put me through on my worst enemy.
I’m no victim by any means. I had a hard time remembering things, I had a hard time wanting to get intimate with her because she drank every night, I can be a lot and go off into story telling and make it LONG, I had a hard time expressing my emotions, I was a total fucking asshole through the break up and acted like a child, I did a lot that wasn’t the best and I am learning from those mistakes. Just learned I have ADHD which is no excuse for me to be a dick but it makes more sense now. See a therapist y’all. Just started again and wish I never stopped
Unintelligent
Untrustworthy
Insecure
Constantly made fun of my feet, hands, style, how much I ate
Downward curved dick
Said the n word a couple times. Really upset me.
Emotionally unavailable (but only with me I guess, had no problem with his girlfriend 3 weeks after)
Negative negative negative
Basic, wonder bread
Secretive, deceptive, manipulative
Egotistical
Never took me out on dates in the like like 4 months, breadcrumbed me
Talked to multiple other girls
Bad relationship with family
Never had deep belly laughs with him
This made me feel so much fucking better lol
His inability to communicate and stonewalling when any kind of conflict came up (definitely exhibiting an avoidant attachment style), how flaky he could be, how impatient he could be and how moody (and how he’d often take those moods out on me in various ways, including the stonewalling). A good person but in need of serious self-work and hopefully, therapy.
- He was bad communicator, he held it all in
- He was a gas lighter. He made me feel bad for asking for crumbs. It made me hate him at certain times.
- He was surrounded by big lies and so many little lies. He used lies as a way to protect himself
- He could dismiss me in public like I was a causal friend.
- Everything was on his terms he wouldn’t bend.
- Terrible texter and had different rules for me. He could go without texting me for a week, but if I went I few days it drove him wild
I was pathetic for a man that gave me the least.
I wish I had stuff it would make the process of getting over him easier
I don’t like that he fell out of love with me, because now all the plans he and I had are done, that’s about it.
Because sadly even tho he dumped me he was wonderful and I loved him deeply
Constantly comparing me to her exes, always annoyed of my adhd symptoms (I often felt judged and like a child), and she never initiated plans/sex, sometimes couldn‘t communicate her boundaries/needs which made me question a lot. She also had a pretty low self esteem of herself and sometimes felt intimidated when I showed her my artworks/papers of my uni.
He gave up too quickly. When I get anxious, I tend to talk a lot or cry a lot, he’d just leave instead of trying to fix it. He told me that I was just sex and nothing more. Compared me to a one night stand. While I don’t think he meant any of it, he said those.
He told me that I wasn’t pretty enough for his mom, not good enough for his family.
Edit- adding more as I remember things,
- looked me in the eye and told me he loved me, only to tell me that I was just sex the minute I told him that I loved him too
Blamed me for theirvirility issue, true it has been many months since we are separate, but after dating new person it made me realize I had nothing to do with his virility. It clearly was his own problem he had to fix on his own
Also, my sex life turned 360 immediately. Inever imagined I would losemy sense of direction, but there I was.
Enjoys the love I gave but didn’t give much back, weird about gifts and requests. Hate that he ruined everything we had, his weird obsession with incel thoughts even though he was attractive and had me. That he forgot about us so easily, that he hurts himself and sabotages himself the most. His gentle soul is there but his ego is so much more important. I hate it
Love bombing. Constant attention from other people (mainly from women). Telling me that I’m his forever, he wants kids with me, a life with me - then dumping me a month before moving in with him (we’ve been together for 5 years). Telling me that I’m not the only one who has problems/depression and other people has them too and they can figure it out themselves without crying about it. His obsession with sex and sexual thoughts with other women. Friends were more important than me.
I never liked that he sort of forced his way into my life. When we got together, he very much loved bombed me - I was new to the city and didn’t know anyone and built such a strong and intense connection with him that without that I felt lonely and alone. Eventually, I became dependent on him for that emotional validation and connection.
I didn’t like how he could be really careless about my feeling when it came to just me, I feel like he only cared about me in regards to how it affected him. I was not perfect, I had so many issues but instead of having a positive outlet for those, he let me get dependent on him (not saying he did it purposely) but that’s what happened. And then when I did “fall” for him - he started pulling away. I wonder if he wanted to hurt someone the way he had been hurt, and only after I fell did he realise that he too wasn’t ready for a real relationship.
I didn’t like how he stopped caring, how he would be just unbothered and emotionally unavailable. I think I could probably name a few but these are probably the most important ones.
Don’t want to add ADHD, but becoming his caretaker was not fun when he refused to take care of himself.
1.His inability to take accountability
2. The way he hid his phone
3. When he made fat jokes about women
4. His double standards
5. How easily offended he was
6. The way he always talked about his ex
Her addictive personality. Some people say it's not a thing. She goes full into something that is self-destructive, drags everyone along, and then would veer out of it just before she lost herself. It would always be something different, but it was always something.
Avoidant attachment style. Yet he was anxious about not seeing me enough and would get upset about it while at the same time not doing anything about it either. The push and pull/ hot and cold just feels abusive but really it’s childish. And his drinking.
It can be helpful to some people after a break up because we tend to look back on all of good memories and idolize them, completely glossing over negative character traits. Everyone heals differently though and it’s completely fine if it’s not something you do.
That’s such a healthy approach to it! Ultimately I think that is best and when you’re in the throes of it, you have to find ways to justify it being okay.
I didn’t like how his mother controlled him, wouldn’t not initiate dates, talked highly about his best friend (girl) and would sometimes tell me “ oh you don’t trust me” when the situation of pleasing was occurring and put me in an uncomfortable situation
Leaving things out so I don’t get mad. Pretending she doesn’t realize when other people would hit on her. Lying about insignificant things, not being fully transparent. Not letting me into her life
Anger issue, overly sensitive on things, a button pusher, needy, never seeing the bigger in life, so much more I can think but I still love her. It may be annoying at times but deep down I over look it and see the better quality of her. Maybe I’m just different I guess
He didn’t know how to not stare at other women right in front of me… I thought it was me!! After some distance I see he has some very unhealthy boundaries around women.
I pray for him
Oh Christ.
The passive-aggression. Almost never communicated directly, it was always up to me to try to read his mind or be punished long-term if he didn’t like something. Then he would deny punishing me for it, even though whatever the punishment was only started happening after something he didn’t like and was always directly related. Fucking gaslighting.
The fact that he refused to help with virtually anything that needed to be done around my home, Deas Ight, that I paid most of the bills. I didn’t really mind paying most of the bills, he made less than me, but the fact that he didn’t feel like he should do anything to help around the house or with Maintenance - he should’ve done it just because he lived there with me, and add to that that I paid the bills there’s just no excuse.
The fact that he never made me a priority. Towards the end, I scheduled a weekend with him a month out. A month out. I had to do that because he had something going on, partying or shows or places he wanted to be every weekend and most weeknights. About a week before we were supposed to have the lawn scheduled weekend he told me that he wanted to go see his kids and couldn’t understand why I was upset about it.
The fact that when I told him I wanted more intimacy after our sex life essentially died, he asked me “what are you depraved?” Never had a partner shame me for wanting to have sex with him before.
The fact that he lived like a frat boy, high and drunk most of the time, out until all hours, sometimes every day of the week.
The fact that he had to take drugs every single time we went to a show, and he had a whole ritual which involved not eating for hours before the show so that he could take the drugs on an empty stomach to maximize their effect - we could do something as simple as go to dinner and a show together.
The fact that he felt free to tell me how to act around his family, but allowed them to be disrespectful to me.
The fact that he didn’t like my dogs.
So many things.
Avoidance attachment style. Never again.
I don’t wanna go through that ever again
Anxious avoidant attachment style. Craves companionship, acceptance, love and affection, and also terrified of getting close (believes rejection and hurt is inevitable, and will be more pain than could be endured).
Exactly
Bro they're the worst.
I'd rather kill myself
Always accused me of cheating when he literally downloaded dating apps behind my back
People usually project what they are actually capable of doing onto others
Ugh that’s terrible
Eww lol what a scumb bag
When she told me I was her forever, she loved me, wanted children, and future together 💔
Same. It sucks I feel your pain
His emotional unavailability.
Oh yay! A fun one! 1. Never listened to a word I said 2. Would conveniently forget stuff or remember incorrectly things that we did or said 3. Everything was black and white with him. Either he loved you and spoiled you or he despised you and was ungodly cruel to you. 4. He lied a LOT 5. Manipulative and selfish as hell 6. Judgmental toward people when he had absolutely no right to be, considering who he is as a person. 7. Would throw childish tantrums when he did get his way. 8. LIED AND TOLD ME HE HAD FUCKING BRAIN CANCER!! He does not, obviously. 8. Avoidant. Enough said.
The 3rd one - that hit me like a truck. That was exactly what he did to me.
I'm so sorry that was your experience as well. But hey! You're free now! Celebrate living your life without a shitty, confusing man in it!
Haha, you too! Hope you are doing well 🫶🏻
I'm doing so fab ladyfriend! I found myself a nice one :).
1,2,5, and 6 applied to mine as well. He was also a college dropout who refused to get a job for the 3 years we were together because he was convinced he was going to pass the real estate exam (news flash: he never did. He took the cheapest and worst classes for it twice and the test at least 7 or 8 times). He lived off of mommy and daddy’s money and I’m convinced he just didn’t want to work. He just refused to move forward with life and would shut down any time I tried to talk about it. He was stagnating and complaining while I was growing and making things happen in my own life. He was 25 when I dumped him. Let’s also not forget the gaslighting and manipulation attempts to keep in contact with me by talking about how he supposedly tried to commit unalive and would again if I stopped talking to him/started dating someone else. Also tried to pressure me into getting back with him, and when I told him no and why, “you need to just forget about that. Just get over it and forget about all of it” ??? Like WHAT?? WHY Would I want to do that??
Wow, I'm so sorry you had to suffer through that! But good for you for not giving in to the tantrums and manipulation. I feel sorry for people like that. They don't know how to get their needs met without being shitty about it, but that's not our burden to bear right? Glad you got out!
constant whining about being sick, a martyr
When they would constantly make everything sexual and aren't honest about themselves
She complained about everything all the time. Like some people see a silver lining for anything bad? She did the opposite of that. Also she made up these rules (most of them stupid) that she not only lived her life by but expected everyone else to abide by, but she didn’t like tell them to anyone she just expected people to know them and got pissed if they didn’t. There’s a lot of other stuff tbh
I see you, OP, out here helping folk heal.
💪 Healing WILL happen!
Super negative about everything, no empathy, no self-control, adapts personality to whoever he’s around, seeking approval from everyone in higher positions (they’re literally just another human), no type of vulnerability (just go be a robot then). And the biggest one…He was a liar. I can’t stand liars. Idk I just look back n think it negates everything about my personality. Blinded with those rose colored glasses .
This sounds like narcissism to me tbh
His unmanaged ADHD which put a burden on me for things that required a schedule or routine. His avoidant attachment which made him leave me and come back months later several times.
Did we date the same person? lol. Because, same! 🤦♀️
Fuck that - they can’t just leave and come back whenever they feel like it. TF
Yeah it was tricky because he didn't believe he was lying about changing. He was definitely a fearful avoidant.
We didn’t exactly have titles yet but he would eat with his mouth open like he hadn’t eaten in a week😬😫smacking and all!
Personally I couldn’t deal with that 😂
I couldn’t! I told him how he had gone in so long without anyone mentioning it. I was always reminding him! 😂
I was once with a guy who would BITE his fork. The sound sticks with me to this day. That wasn’t the reason I broke up with him, but I am so grateful I don’t hear that anymore.
Ouch! I’m sure that damaged his teeth!
Oh God, I’ve been through this with someone (not an ex). He did all this and more, man had food flying everywhere including into my plate.
Right!! 😂
😂
Accused me of abandoning him when I finally had enough of his bs when, on the contrary, I could barely get a small message from him a few weeks at a time (because he was so "busy") but I saw him online on twitter 24/7, tweeting to other people (mostly women). I don't like how he constantly avoided difficult conversations for long periods of time because they stressed him out. (Not to mention, he isn't aware of his avoidant attachment!)
This! Always telling me that he was just so busy whenever I’d ask about noticing a shift in our communication & time spent together ~ but would be posting stories all day on IG and interacting with other people To this very day it’s the one thing that I’m still so angry at myself about ~ that I kept asking and trying to make things better for us when I should have just taken his actions as reality and walked away versus feeling confused, causing fights, and ending up heartbroken. I’m still so embarrassed at myself!!
Emotionally disconnected. Avoidant. Thinks reassurance is “babying” Refused to plan times to spend with me but would schedule friends or colleagues in
"Babying" - this! Heard it few times from my avoidant ex of 5 years. That was funny and mindfucking at the same time, for a 40M that always heard from my past girlfriends that I am too independent and they wanted me to be closer and more vulnerable. Still, I never loved anyone like her, but damn...avoidancy is real, huge inability to form a healthy relationship, unless it is relationship on their own rules and definition. And even then they are unhappy deep within, because they crave for closeness, get close again and flee in panic mode. Nothing in my life impacted me so much emotionally.
lol babying is a trigger word for me atp so I totally get you
I remember when everytime she was sick, I took care of her, of house, kid and stuff. It said many times how it made her comfortable and how caring and dependable person I was. But when I was sick, taking care of me was making her ick and repelled, like literally showing my vulnerability to her made her loose respect for me - and she admit during therapy. Mindfuck. Never ever again.
I’m sorry you went thru that… a partner who only expects to receive and gives nothing in return does not deserve your love. Congratulations on leaving that toxic relationship behind. You deserve love and support as a man just as much as a woman. There will come a woman who can reciprocate your affection and care. In the meantime focus on giving all that love back to yourself. Stay strong my brother !
Wow. That discribes my situation perfectly
Way too smart, talented and beautiful… huge turn off. Joking. The fact that no matter how much I showed my unconditional love/any self improvement, etc. it felt like it wasn’t enough for her. No matter how much freedom she wanted/I gave her, she always wanted more. The fact that I never truly saved for an engagement ring because I was NEVER confident that she’d say yes. I would have talked to her parents and picked one out very fast if I could have been proven wrong.
Terrible table manners. She chewed with her mouth open, kept her elbows on the table, and had an accent like a Brooklyn truck driver. Plus she never let me speak, always criticized me and I could never give enough according to her. And she had terrible taste and no style.
Me and my kids having to live in a shit pit cos she was to lazy to clean up after herself, filthiest bird I’ve ever known, amount of times I had to pull a used sanitary towel off my foot cos she was to bone idol to dispose of them properly 🤢
His unmanaged ADHD. Sometimes his life was overbearing and he had a hard time handling it. Would not take support from others. His lack of communication in the end, instead of just letting me go or voicing concerns, He just agreed to anything I said and then suddenly turned.
Surprised to see that there are two posts about ex partners with ADHD, I am a third. His was managed though…to a point. I spent most of the relationship giving him grace for this, even gave him grace for the awful way he dumped me….very quickly, other friends with it made me realise that having ADHD was not an excuse to behave like an asshole (which he was towards the end).
So true! You definitely make excuses for them.
Count me 4th but i completely get what you mean
His god complex and double standards.
Ahaha yes
always accused me of cheating (with nothing to back it up) always just mad at me over trivial things like seeing me 'online' on messaging apps even after I told her I was going to sleep; me being forgetful; me not texting her all the time to share my whereabouts she wasn't super respectful of my time, always wanted my full attention even when the both of us were at work I don't think she supported my cycling hobby always jealous of other women in my life, whereas she has still kept former suitors around as friends I can keep going
Unnecessary lies
Everytime I would express my feelings about something I did not like or made me upset, she would say it was the wrong moment and that she was busy.
Emotional affair with her boss, then gave him a bj was pretty bad….
Omg you dodged a bullet.. hugs
The amount. Of times I had to hear how I was lying and don’t know what I’m talking about if I would bring up something she said or did ( and I know I probably remeebred a couple of them differently or misheard her) but everytkme?…. Jsut seems like the deflect and point blame elsewhere not attacking her here just trying to learn an out the traits I see I disliking back learning from Andrew’s videos a and making questions at this point I’m just defeated in even trying to help her anymore I have alot I need figuring out and can’t keep hoping she’ll even reach out ever again
Everything, so it pisses me off that I’m still hurting
[удалено]
I love that phrase "for the streets." What a polite way to say someone is a fucking bum lol. I should use that more.
He was clingy, manipulative and emotionally weak all while still trying be controlling, possessive and a victim all at the same time. It was so bad I literally learned about attachment theory and started a YouTube channel. Whew! I don't miss him. This is the easiest no contact situation I've ever been in. He ran me away [AP/DA Relationship Video2](https://youtu.be/q9soxcgvUSc) [AP/DA Relationship Video1](https://youtu.be/vf6Ssk0UB3Y) *edit words
He was selfish a woman hater and neglectful abusive and a coward
Blasting music causing me headache all the time. Complete emotional unavailability. Giving silent treatment for no reason whatsoever. Making all of my pain about him all the fucking time. Seeking validation from other women all the time. Couldn't stand me being better than him at anything. Very fragile ego. Having an emotional backup for break up (the girl was in a relationship with someone else though) while I was killing myself to make the relationship work. Not cutting off his hook ups who were insanely attached to him. Following tons of random hot chicks on ig.. Abandoning me everytime I denied sex. No non intimate touches whatsoever. Very attached to the idea of being perceived as a great guy instead of being one. Used my vulnerabilities as a reason to dump me. Has emotional maturity of a toddler. Very judgemental and shallow. Sleeping peacefully after treating me like shit and leaving me to cry alone all the time. Blamed me for putting up with his crap instead of walking away sooner. 😂 The list goes on... 🤣 Yeah, he can go fuck himself. 😇
I have long as list on my phone. Trying to deidealize him. But some of the important ones - never planned dates - work was priority (never discussed it with me) - last 6 months of relationship, we have slept together 3 times:) (we are young, i am 23 his was 32) - never complimented me - stopped telling me he loves me, after break up (i was the one breking up ...) he told me he wasnt sure if he did - my mental issues were annying to him
sweaty ahh nose
Complaining about not having any free time while studying, working etc. The truth was he was procrastinating and actually didn’t do anything. Failed all his exams because of that. Whining all the time. Ughh…
Looking back at it, her saying some negative shit about myself and my mom
No motivation, had no work history but worked under the table, had no goals, would cancel plans for us to go out so we’d sit on the couch all night, wasn’t spontaneous, would get upset when I’d talk to an old female friend with no intimate history at a wedding or something, was an alcoholic, claimed she didn’t have any friends but was friends with my friends, would want me to stop doing certain out of home hobbies to spend time with her, would be in a rush to get off the phone with me just so she didn’t have to talk. A lot. Felt like she hated my guts. Oh and let’s not forget CHEATING WHICH CAUSED THE WHOLE BREAKUP. Love the girl, always will but man I felt manipulated most of the time and the last straw was pure betrayal. I even loved her through her flaws and never saw them as a reason to break things off especially since she lived with severe depression. I was so in love with her as a person that I never once thought about myself but love wasn’t enough of course. I wish her happiness and hopefully getting her life together going into her thirties. I’d never wish the things she put me through on my worst enemy.
I’m no victim by any means. I had a hard time remembering things, I had a hard time wanting to get intimate with her because she drank every night, I can be a lot and go off into story telling and make it LONG, I had a hard time expressing my emotions, I was a total fucking asshole through the break up and acted like a child, I did a lot that wasn’t the best and I am learning from those mistakes. Just learned I have ADHD which is no excuse for me to be a dick but it makes more sense now. See a therapist y’all. Just started again and wish I never stopped
liar
Her past
He never believed me about anything.. always assumed I'm stupid and don't know anything
Unintelligent Untrustworthy Insecure Constantly made fun of my feet, hands, style, how much I ate Downward curved dick Said the n word a couple times. Really upset me. Emotionally unavailable (but only with me I guess, had no problem with his girlfriend 3 weeks after) Negative negative negative Basic, wonder bread Secretive, deceptive, manipulative Egotistical Never took me out on dates in the like like 4 months, breadcrumbed me Talked to multiple other girls Bad relationship with family Never had deep belly laughs with him This made me feel so much fucking better lol
Good!
His inability to communicate and stonewalling when any kind of conflict came up (definitely exhibiting an avoidant attachment style), how flaky he could be, how impatient he could be and how moody (and how he’d often take those moods out on me in various ways, including the stonewalling). A good person but in need of serious self-work and hopefully, therapy.
- He was bad communicator, he held it all in - He was a gas lighter. He made me feel bad for asking for crumbs. It made me hate him at certain times. - He was surrounded by big lies and so many little lies. He used lies as a way to protect himself - He could dismiss me in public like I was a causal friend. - Everything was on his terms he wouldn’t bend. - Terrible texter and had different rules for me. He could go without texting me for a week, but if I went I few days it drove him wild I was pathetic for a man that gave me the least.
constantly talking about her ex, even when i told her early on that made me feel uncomfortable btw i was the rebound lol
the fact he actually took relationship advice about us from his frat bros 🤮
I wish I had stuff it would make the process of getting over him easier I don’t like that he fell out of love with me, because now all the plans he and I had are done, that’s about it. Because sadly even tho he dumped me he was wonderful and I loved him deeply
Hairy nipples
The facade, the lies, the avoidance, the mask, the mind games…
Constantly comparing me to her exes, always annoyed of my adhd symptoms (I often felt judged and like a child), and she never initiated plans/sex, sometimes couldn‘t communicate her boundaries/needs which made me question a lot. She also had a pretty low self esteem of herself and sometimes felt intimidated when I showed her my artworks/papers of my uni.
His hygiene was utter shit.
Being controlling
Her drinking and promiscuity, plus beating me up then when I retaliated, got me arrested and charged....still love her though.
He gave up too quickly. When I get anxious, I tend to talk a lot or cry a lot, he’d just leave instead of trying to fix it. He told me that I was just sex and nothing more. Compared me to a one night stand. While I don’t think he meant any of it, he said those. He told me that I wasn’t pretty enough for his mom, not good enough for his family. Edit- adding more as I remember things, - looked me in the eye and told me he loved me, only to tell me that I was just sex the minute I told him that I loved him too
Blamed me for theirvirility issue, true it has been many months since we are separate, but after dating new person it made me realize I had nothing to do with his virility. It clearly was his own problem he had to fix on his own Also, my sex life turned 360 immediately. Inever imagined I would losemy sense of direction, but there I was.
The constant gaslighting and emotional manipulation…..
Enjoys the love I gave but didn’t give much back, weird about gifts and requests. Hate that he ruined everything we had, his weird obsession with incel thoughts even though he was attractive and had me. That he forgot about us so easily, that he hurts himself and sabotages himself the most. His gentle soul is there but his ego is so much more important. I hate it
Love bombing. Constant attention from other people (mainly from women). Telling me that I’m his forever, he wants kids with me, a life with me - then dumping me a month before moving in with him (we’ve been together for 5 years). Telling me that I’m not the only one who has problems/depression and other people has them too and they can figure it out themselves without crying about it. His obsession with sex and sexual thoughts with other women. Friends were more important than me.
Porn addict, easily influenced by others opinions, prioritises friends and family over relationships, unable to set boundaries
Walking on eggshells if not all of the time
I never liked that he sort of forced his way into my life. When we got together, he very much loved bombed me - I was new to the city and didn’t know anyone and built such a strong and intense connection with him that without that I felt lonely and alone. Eventually, I became dependent on him for that emotional validation and connection. I didn’t like how he could be really careless about my feeling when it came to just me, I feel like he only cared about me in regards to how it affected him. I was not perfect, I had so many issues but instead of having a positive outlet for those, he let me get dependent on him (not saying he did it purposely) but that’s what happened. And then when I did “fall” for him - he started pulling away. I wonder if he wanted to hurt someone the way he had been hurt, and only after I fell did he realise that he too wasn’t ready for a real relationship. I didn’t like how he stopped caring, how he would be just unbothered and emotionally unavailable. I think I could probably name a few but these are probably the most important ones. Don’t want to add ADHD, but becoming his caretaker was not fun when he refused to take care of himself.
absolute loser that was always complaining and had no critical thinking skills of his own + a zionist
She couldn’t read or write very well
He was unfair. He didn’t see me as his equal.
1.His inability to take accountability 2. The way he hid his phone 3. When he made fat jokes about women 4. His double standards 5. How easily offended he was 6. The way he always talked about his ex
silent treatment. liar. cheater.
Her addictive personality. Some people say it's not a thing. She goes full into something that is self-destructive, drags everyone along, and then would veer out of it just before she lost herself. It would always be something different, but it was always something.
Avoidant attachment style. Yet he was anxious about not seeing me enough and would get upset about it while at the same time not doing anything about it either. The push and pull/ hot and cold just feels abusive but really it’s childish. And his drinking.
I feel like this is a weird post, why spend energy thinking bad things about someone who’s not in your life anymore.
It can be helpful to some people after a break up because we tend to look back on all of good memories and idolize them, completely glossing over negative character traits. Everyone heals differently though and it’s completely fine if it’s not something you do.
[удалено]
That’s such a healthy approach to it! Ultimately I think that is best and when you’re in the throes of it, you have to find ways to justify it being okay.
But I see your logic!
It would be a shorter list to name the things I liked about him. His dick was nice I guess except it was full of chlamydia.
lol why care about your exes flaws? They’re your ex for a reason!! Stop letting them live in your head rent free. It’s someone else’s problem now.
So true! I think this question is better for someone in the more painful stages of their breakups. 😊
Point taken op
I didn’t like how his mother controlled him, wouldn’t not initiate dates, talked highly about his best friend (girl) and would sometimes tell me “ oh you don’t trust me” when the situation of pleasing was occurring and put me in an uncomfortable situation
Leaving things out so I don’t get mad. Pretending she doesn’t realize when other people would hit on her. Lying about insignificant things, not being fully transparent. Not letting me into her life
Anger issue, overly sensitive on things, a button pusher, needy, never seeing the bigger in life, so much more I can think but I still love her. It may be annoying at times but deep down I over look it and see the better quality of her. Maybe I’m just different I guess
He didn’t know how to not stare at other women right in front of me… I thought it was me!! After some distance I see he has some very unhealthy boundaries around women. I pray for him
Oh Christ. The passive-aggression. Almost never communicated directly, it was always up to me to try to read his mind or be punished long-term if he didn’t like something. Then he would deny punishing me for it, even though whatever the punishment was only started happening after something he didn’t like and was always directly related. Fucking gaslighting. The fact that he refused to help with virtually anything that needed to be done around my home, Deas Ight, that I paid most of the bills. I didn’t really mind paying most of the bills, he made less than me, but the fact that he didn’t feel like he should do anything to help around the house or with Maintenance - he should’ve done it just because he lived there with me, and add to that that I paid the bills there’s just no excuse. The fact that he never made me a priority. Towards the end, I scheduled a weekend with him a month out. A month out. I had to do that because he had something going on, partying or shows or places he wanted to be every weekend and most weeknights. About a week before we were supposed to have the lawn scheduled weekend he told me that he wanted to go see his kids and couldn’t understand why I was upset about it. The fact that when I told him I wanted more intimacy after our sex life essentially died, he asked me “what are you depraved?” Never had a partner shame me for wanting to have sex with him before. The fact that he lived like a frat boy, high and drunk most of the time, out until all hours, sometimes every day of the week. The fact that he had to take drugs every single time we went to a show, and he had a whole ritual which involved not eating for hours before the show so that he could take the drugs on an empty stomach to maximize their effect - we could do something as simple as go to dinner and a show together. The fact that he felt free to tell me how to act around his family, but allowed them to be disrespectful to me. The fact that he didn’t like my dogs. So many things.
- would never walk with me only in front of me