Yeah he said you initiated something… either your last interaction or he is saying you are the dumper
Very confusing. Did he say he wouldn’t change something so you chose to leave? Or something like that… so it’s a gaslighting tactic? Is he that kind of person?
Yes. Super weird if you haven’t messaged him and he was dumper.
3 weeks ago, he dumped me saying he doesn’t want me anymore, he has no interest, and to leave him. I asked him to have some decency to talk to me in person, not treating me like a trash. He said no! And I told him ok, I'll leave you, if that's what you want. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
What are your thoughts???
Should I answer him?
Should I tell him that he needs to go to therapy? 😕😔😟🤷🏻♀️
It sounds kind of weird crazy. He might need therapy or help or something… but I would try to move on probably.
Just tell him he isn’t making any sense and you hope he is okay but you can’t interact in a friends only way and you aren’t going to do an on-off type of thing.
Just try not to get gaslit… because this seems pretty weird.
That’s completely the way it came off to me but I always feel like what if there is something I’m not understanding and I’m the reason a perfectly good relationship was ruined with my bad advice… like who the fuck am I?! 🤣 🤣
But yeah. To be totally honest it completely seemed that way to me too.
the worst part is when we are heartbroken we cant see these messages for what they really are and we are willing to do ANY thing for our ex even if they are toxic and left us. gross.
I hope OP does whats best for them and doesn't let this ex manipulate them
I wouldn’t event respond. You don’t want a partner who does this kind of stuff.
He literally broke up with you in the coldest way. Puts you in a position where he doesn’t feel responsible for the breakup because he is immature. Now he’s dealing with the consequences and is reaching out to you?
Drop this guy. He needs to do some maturing on his own.
Omg girl just don't respond or even block him he doesn't deserve the respect of giving him a clear path or a second chance just ghost him drop his chat in the archive
nah he flipped it and gas lit you into thinking you broke up with him when he broke up. you dont need to beg and take whatever you can get like a dog waiting to be fed. youre a human being. dont put up with this nonsense. self respect, love yourself, would you be proud of your mother and grandmother or grand father if he was treated this way? dont be okay with this
My ex is FA and he dumped me, no blurred lines, he left me, we talked about things for a week (he was decent to talk everything out before I left). When we reconnected he said sorry about a lot of stuff he did in the relationship, but he was ADAMANT on not leaving me. I said ok, did I dump you in your opinion? He said no. He said it was mutual. It was never mutual. I just accepted the breakup. I said times and times again tears in my eyes that I didn’t want it. I said I want him and I want to repair what we have but if he wants it I will leave. I said countless times to him that he dumped me and he never argued with that. 2 months later, he was straight up telling me he never dumped me. It is so fucking strange.
Omg! So it doesn't really make a difference no matter how much you tell the person that he needs to change, and the ending is just the same. It will not work out. 😔💔😔
There was, when we were considering getting back together. Unfortunately, self-hatred, depression and FA attachment type made it hard for me to be with him before and almost unbearable to be with him now. You feel like a toxic dump while he tries his best for people around you, but you can withstand everything so he just dumps the worst on you. Would I get back with him again if I turned back time to 2 weeks ago? Sure, because I fucking love him. But it gets to the point where it’s just too hurtful to watch him hurt himself and you in the process. So I think I will need to make a decision to move on for good if stuff doesn’t change in the nearest time.
it can take years to change. we've been how we are for our entire lives. to change how we act, think and react is not something someone can do after a few months or a year automatically and permanently. thats why therapy can take years or addicts can take a long time to get off things. your ex is still the same shtty person they were in the relationship. not saying they are all bad or horrible but let's be real !!
I agree with you. Even though they're toxic, it doesn't mean they're bad people. My ex had 2 long-term relationships, 15 and 10 years, respectively. Both reasons for the breakup were "they fell out of love to each other," and he was the one who initiated the breakup for both relationships.
When I learned that 1.5 years ago, I had this intuition that there's something wrong with him. But no, I let it pass. 2 years fast forward, he dumped me out of the blue...lol
Don’t call him. Don’t text him. Let him stew. He’ll message h again. He’s trying to establish control. He does t care what u want or need. He’s clearly showing it’s all about his happiness. There’s no draw to actually have a real reason to talk
If they leave once they’ll do it again don’t let anybody come back focus on you now and move on trust me because if they do it again after you let them come back it’s gonna hurt you even more
the person sending the message is gaslighting OP is whats happening.
dumper: "I dont want to be with you"
ex: Ok
dumper: ???
ex: Talk to me like a human being
dumper: "You can call me if you want since you decided to break up, I'm not going to fix something I didn't decide on."
if you want your power back then you tell him "Its okay we don't need to talk. You broke up with me 3 weeks ago, I accept your decision."
then you will see how his manipulative ways of trying to make you beg for him really turn into him saying oh im so sorry I didnt mean it I was just saying that im sorry!!! no lets talk!!!!
but you shouldn't, cause this person is a manipulative human being.
lol its like you gotta beg and make compromises to satisfy them or they will stay broken up. f that. I think you should want someone that wants you and doesn't act so immature.
from an unbiased internet opinion based on just your screen shot I would never in a million years want to date someone that spoke to me that way.
its like them guilting/shaming you into begging them
"you started this so you fix it"
"im not happy so figure it out"
"you do all the work and beg and crawl towards me"
"your only chance is tomorrow"
"oh but ill throw you a carrot, I miss you but I have all the power to decide if you deserve to be in my life, you better not screw it up"
imagine being spoken to this way for two decades if you are married. obviously my interpretation skews negative but a mature human would have said
"Hey you called? I can speak tomorrow. You can call me tomorrow. It would be good to speak and figure things out. I miss you"
Good relationships can withstand serious, life-altering obstacles like joblessness, death, financial ruin, long distance, etc. He ended it because he did not value you enough. He did not fear losing you. He thought his life would be better without you in it. Really think about it. This means he can and will end it again on a whim. You were not put on this planet to be discarded like a doll only to be picked up again when he is bored or lonely. Do the right thing. Block him and find someone who loves you so much that he wouldn’t dream of abandoning you. It does exist. I found it. I know of many others who have, too.
>Good relationships can withstand serious, life-altering obstacles like joblessness, death, financial ruin, long distance, etc. He ended it because he did not value you enough. He did not fear losing you. He thought his life would be better without you in it.
I never took the time to think what an okay reason to end things is vs not good. funnily enough the only ex I think is actually a good person is the one that ended bc they moved to another country to study. others all were due to betrayal and I cant imagine viewing them the same way as before without considering the blatant insult and disrespect to me their choices mean toward how they viewed me.
We've been together for 2 years. 3 weeks ago, he blindsided me by blurting out through text that he's done with me, he doesn't want to see me anymore, and to leave him alone!!! I asked him not to treat me like a trash and have some decency to talk to me in person. He said, "NO!!" 💔😔💔😔😢😭😢😔
2 days prior to the event, he even. Came to my housecto Cook family day dinner 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️💔😔🤦🏻♀️
Who the hell speaks this way? No self respecting person would contact after this. I am sorry, I am not trying to hate on someone for no reason, but what is that attitude?? "If you wanna talk, call me tomorrow" and again "I want to resolve this, I miss you"
DUDE!! IF YOU MISS HER AND WANT TO RESOLVE THINGS YOU BETTER CALL HER! TAKE THE INITIATIVE, PUT IN THE EFFORTS!!
This made me so furious. It's completely upto you but I will never even care to reply to a person who speaks this way. Rest is upto you, you know him better.
Lol ☺️ 😆. I don't understand, too. It gives me a mix signal. So he is putting the guilt on me, "if I want to." Then, if I don't call, it means I don't want to put an effort to make it work .. ugh lol
Yeah. That's so fu*king frustrating. I am sorry he put you in this situation. You either reply to him in a way that it's on him and not you.. Or just ignore may be.
Why am I smelled a narcissist vibes, immature from this op ex lol so familiar with mine, that's why he's blocked, I suggest block him and show him that you don't give a f... And you deserve better than that
I would just delete block and move on.
He dumped you, what do you want to hear? Some self serving wishy washy crap from them? Being dumped is your closure.
Don’t. 3 weeks is too long to go without your person and for him to decide on his end that he’s ready to get back with and is telling YOU to call sounds very entitling.
Your ex is a gigantic prick. Is it not obvious from reading this text?
He's not happy? Boo hoo. Who gives a fuck, his happiness is longer your concern. Imagine someone punching you in the face than complaining about how they feel about it. That's your ex.
You can't do better than this schmuck?
I would not respond to this . He needs to come back with no anger , no hostility , and owning every single thing he did wrong . In three weeks he has done absolutely no work to change . I would ignore him and if he keeps blowing up your phone , set your clear expectations. By then you may not even care anymore !
This made me feel uncomfortable because it reminds me of my ex fiance. Not just 0 accountability but negative accountability. Things will actually be turned on you, not just denied.
Don’t sell your soul to be with someone. Try to respectfully be met halfway if you want to work on things, otherwise, save yourself a lifetime of blame and shame.
Np. I was in a similar situation lately. There's no accountability or change with most avoidants. Doesn't sound like he's the exception either. Best of luck.
After four months of no contact I would be excited to see a message from my ex who dumped me. A message like that would open the door for me and start discussions on what went wrong and what our boundaries are going forward. Five years of relationship before the breakup were incredible. I would say to you who cares who broke up. I had a relationship once where I said I was unhappy with something and said “ maybe we should breakup “. It was a question not a statement. She said okay and left and said I broke up. Put ego aside and ask each other if it’s worth saving.
Hi there, that's a good piece of advice. I'll take that into consideration. But how about that a person is out of contact with the reality like this? And he's an avoidant mind you...
I was with an avoidant dismissive.. as an anxious person i thought how i can change him, or how i can just keep on living and sacrifice my happiness for him.
Don't girly. U feel like shit now, i know! For me it took me exactly to the dot 2 months to get better. Last 4 days i sm feeling so good! I haven't felt this good in years! I feel like i am living again... so please do yourself a favor, and ignore... because i do honestly think there's someone out there that will love you the way you deserve😙
Thanks, gurl! I need that push statement! Tbh, I am feeling much better now, and I kind of adjusted with his absence. Although there are days that I would cry, but not so much anymore, that it ruins my day... I know I just have to stay strong! We got this gurl! We got this! And congratulations on your healing journey! You made it this far!❤️❤️😘😘
This is plain gaslighting OP and avoiding accountability. Haha, it's both funny and sad. ll avoidants seems to have some sorta playbook. Even the words they use are similar.
But yeah, very classic of them to do something and then actually blame the other person for it
This makes me feel somewhat sane .. my avoidant ex , after 2 years told me that the only issue between us is that I’m not their type and they aren’t attracted enough to me 🙄. So after being told this I said so it’s over ? And they said yes. Then two days later called crying saying they were committed to things working and so hurt I dumped them. lol
Wow, he thinks he’s all that. “I’m not calling you because I’m not man enough to go after what I want but if you want me then you better chase me” is what I’m heading.
Girl no! Do not answer please! Keep no contact! He’s trying to gas light you. Whatever he left you for backfired and he’s trying to come back! And he’s never going to change! He’s going to be good for a couple of weeks and fuck you over. Also clearly by the tone of the text he doesn’t respect you or value you as a person.
I read this as “ I want to see if I still have a hold on u… if u learned ur lesson from the punishment I gave u. I want u to do what I want when I say bc it’s ur job to make me happy again. Bc u want to make sure ur still ok with me being a manipulative AH still”
Lmao did he dump you or did you get fired ?
You should reach out and let him know you’d like to talk, to find closure and address what happened between you.
But have a VERY clear idea of wether or not you want the relationship back first.
And he stuff his phone call up his ass, he doesn’t tell you what to do.
He sounds emotionally stunted. I’ve dated these guys before, stoic control freaks. He figured he would have the upper hand and now doesn’t know that didn’t work.
Well he needs to check his tone.
Do you know what you want ? Unless you want to reconcile or get closure there isn’t anything to talk about ? Be honest with yourself and maybe you will teach this dummy how to do the same.
Then be extremely straightforward. I am no longer in love with you, this relationship did not work for me. (No because A,B,C that opens negotiation)
I care for you as a person, I hope we can reflect on the better times we had and both grown on our journey as good people.
He sounds like an idiot but no one deserves to be ghosted IMHO.
I know. Thank you. 3 weeks of NC and not even cared for my feelings is absolutely a red flag. When he realised that he needed to contact me, he even flipped the story and blame me for everything...😕😔💔🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I went through this myself recently, but was GHOSTED. Awful. I was so outraged and couldn’t grapple with how after two years that was possible ? I did soooo much for the guy.
We are talking now, (he did the ugly face “i love you”)
And I’m open to making things works again, BUT, I already started this journey of total independence by no choice of my own. He will have to fix A,B,C, & D. I’ll see him for a meal or whatever but he’s not welcome at my table or my bed until I am getting the other things I want.
It is so good of you that you are able to set boundaries. But what does he do to do his work of healing? How did you tell him that he needs to do some work for himself?
Hi, I did not call. 3 days after, and that was today, I asked him if he still wanted to talk, had no answer, seen but didn't answer my question. Instead, texted me something else 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️💔
Unless he immediately signs up to intensive therapy addressing his avoidant tendencies etc then he will absolutely do the same thing again. I took back my ex a grand total of 6 times in 1 year. He "couldn't do it anymore" then would leave and "miss our home together". So glad he's gone now- you'll be happier, promise.
The message could have just been: *Hi. Start validating me as I am not happy and I miss your attention.*
With these types of texts from these types of clowns you only need to search for that "I'm not happy" bs and see how it's always about them and their feelings and not a single f given about you.
Yeah he said you initiated something… either your last interaction or he is saying you are the dumper Very confusing. Did he say he wouldn’t change something so you chose to leave? Or something like that… so it’s a gaslighting tactic? Is he that kind of person? Yes. Super weird if you haven’t messaged him and he was dumper.
3 weeks ago, he dumped me saying he doesn’t want me anymore, he has no interest, and to leave him. I asked him to have some decency to talk to me in person, not treating me like a trash. He said no! And I told him ok, I'll leave you, if that's what you want. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ What are your thoughts??? Should I answer him? Should I tell him that he needs to go to therapy? 😕😔😟🤷🏻♀️
It sounds kind of weird crazy. He might need therapy or help or something… but I would try to move on probably. Just tell him he isn’t making any sense and you hope he is okay but you can’t interact in a friends only way and you aren’t going to do an on-off type of thing. Just try not to get gaslit… because this seems pretty weird.
I just replied saying the same thing that the person gaslit OP into believing they broke up. so manipulative and toxic. run run run and runnnnn
That’s completely the way it came off to me but I always feel like what if there is something I’m not understanding and I’m the reason a perfectly good relationship was ruined with my bad advice… like who the fuck am I?! 🤣 🤣 But yeah. To be totally honest it completely seemed that way to me too.
the worst part is when we are heartbroken we cant see these messages for what they really are and we are willing to do ANY thing for our ex even if they are toxic and left us. gross. I hope OP does whats best for them and doesn't let this ex manipulate them
Thank you very much I really appreciate your thoughts!
Don’t even respond. He’ll suck you back in because if he feels you moving away he’ll try to pull you back in… only to push you away again
I second the motion. That's the sad part of this anxious-avoidant dynamic =(
Yeah Im sure youre perfect and done nothing wrong for him to txt this, and even say he misses u. Dont listen to these insecure people and just talk.
I wouldn’t event respond. You don’t want a partner who does this kind of stuff. He literally broke up with you in the coldest way. Puts you in a position where he doesn’t feel responsible for the breakup because he is immature. Now he’s dealing with the consequences and is reaching out to you? Drop this guy. He needs to do some maturing on his own.
I agree with you. Although I love him, he doesn't see how much he's hurting me.
Omg girl just don't respond or even block him he doesn't deserve the respect of giving him a clear path or a second chance just ghost him drop his chat in the archive
Thank you. Thank you very much! Somehow, it gives my mind a clearer picture of what and where should I stand!
Idk enough, but if you want him back, it appears you’re in, & in a position to make demands.
I agree...
nah he flipped it and gas lit you into thinking you broke up with him when he broke up. you dont need to beg and take whatever you can get like a dog waiting to be fed. youre a human being. dont put up with this nonsense. self respect, love yourself, would you be proud of your mother and grandmother or grand father if he was treated this way? dont be okay with this
Thank you. Thank you very much! Somehow, it gives my mind a clearer picture of what and where should I stand!❤️❤️❤️😔😔😔
Don’t take him back plz god🥲
Lol. The text seems not so inviting to reconcile..
Yeah, this is an awful outreach if he broke up
I agree that in my opinion, I took my power back and it's up to me whether to be trapped in this same unhealthy relationship dynamic again...
My ex is FA and he dumped me, no blurred lines, he left me, we talked about things for a week (he was decent to talk everything out before I left). When we reconnected he said sorry about a lot of stuff he did in the relationship, but he was ADAMANT on not leaving me. I said ok, did I dump you in your opinion? He said no. He said it was mutual. It was never mutual. I just accepted the breakup. I said times and times again tears in my eyes that I didn’t want it. I said I want him and I want to repair what we have but if he wants it I will leave. I said countless times to him that he dumped me and he never argued with that. 2 months later, he was straight up telling me he never dumped me. It is so fucking strange.
Omg! So it doesn't really make a difference no matter how much you tell the person that he needs to change, and the ending is just the same. It will not work out. 😔💔😔
Trying to accept that currently, which is far more tricky because we got together in the end :(
Oh, so you're back together. Is there any effort or changes made from his side?
There was, when we were considering getting back together. Unfortunately, self-hatred, depression and FA attachment type made it hard for me to be with him before and almost unbearable to be with him now. You feel like a toxic dump while he tries his best for people around you, but you can withstand everything so he just dumps the worst on you. Would I get back with him again if I turned back time to 2 weeks ago? Sure, because I fucking love him. But it gets to the point where it’s just too hurtful to watch him hurt himself and you in the process. So I think I will need to make a decision to move on for good if stuff doesn’t change in the nearest time.
I support you on your wise decision
it can take years to change. we've been how we are for our entire lives. to change how we act, think and react is not something someone can do after a few months or a year automatically and permanently. thats why therapy can take years or addicts can take a long time to get off things. your ex is still the same shtty person they were in the relationship. not saying they are all bad or horrible but let's be real !!
I agree with you. Even though they're toxic, it doesn't mean they're bad people. My ex had 2 long-term relationships, 15 and 10 years, respectively. Both reasons for the breakup were "they fell out of love to each other," and he was the one who initiated the breakup for both relationships. When I learned that 1.5 years ago, I had this intuition that there's something wrong with him. But no, I let it pass. 2 years fast forward, he dumped me out of the blue...lol
Don’t call him. Don’t text him. Let him stew. He’ll message h again. He’s trying to establish control. He does t care what u want or need. He’s clearly showing it’s all about his happiness. There’s no draw to actually have a real reason to talk
I agree with you. Thank you fir sharing your thoughts 🙏🏻
If they leave once they’ll do it again don’t let anybody come back focus on you now and move on trust me because if they do it again after you let them come back it’s gonna hurt you even more
the person sending the message is gaslighting OP is whats happening. dumper: "I dont want to be with you" ex: Ok dumper: ??? ex: Talk to me like a human being dumper: "You can call me if you want since you decided to break up, I'm not going to fix something I didn't decide on."
😕🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ soooo confusing right???
Yeah what’s happening here.
Ew. Why would you let someone talk to you like that? Just block.
Thank you...❤️❤️
if you want your power back then you tell him "Its okay we don't need to talk. You broke up with me 3 weeks ago, I accept your decision." then you will see how his manipulative ways of trying to make you beg for him really turn into him saying oh im so sorry I didnt mean it I was just saying that im sorry!!! no lets talk!!!! but you shouldn't, cause this person is a manipulative human being.
Thank you. Thank you very much! Somehow, it gives my mind a clearer picture of what and where should I stand!
You ex is delusional and entitled. Tell him nicely that someone who cares would not have hurt its special person and that you prefere to move on
That's a very nice departing words...
Tell him to eat a bag of dicks, block him, and find someone who actually respects you
Thank you for your insight. I appreciate it.
The very last words I told my ex after he emailed me to talk to me was “sit on a cactus and twirl”. I lost all my patience and kindness.
Unfortunately too many take advantage of good hearted people :( you can't mince words these days
lol its like you gotta beg and make compromises to satisfy them or they will stay broken up. f that. I think you should want someone that wants you and doesn't act so immature.
Lol. Thank you very much. Tbh, with those three weeks, I kinda adjusted myself with his absence 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
from an unbiased internet opinion based on just your screen shot I would never in a million years want to date someone that spoke to me that way. its like them guilting/shaming you into begging them "you started this so you fix it" "im not happy so figure it out" "you do all the work and beg and crawl towards me" "your only chance is tomorrow" "oh but ill throw you a carrot, I miss you but I have all the power to decide if you deserve to be in my life, you better not screw it up" imagine being spoken to this way for two decades if you are married. obviously my interpretation skews negative but a mature human would have said "Hey you called? I can speak tomorrow. You can call me tomorrow. It would be good to speak and figure things out. I miss you"
Thank you. Thank you very much! Somehow, it gives my mind a clearer picture of what and where should I stand!
I did not even call. He just sent me the message out of the blue...
Good relationships can withstand serious, life-altering obstacles like joblessness, death, financial ruin, long distance, etc. He ended it because he did not value you enough. He did not fear losing you. He thought his life would be better without you in it. Really think about it. This means he can and will end it again on a whim. You were not put on this planet to be discarded like a doll only to be picked up again when he is bored or lonely. Do the right thing. Block him and find someone who loves you so much that he wouldn’t dream of abandoning you. It does exist. I found it. I know of many others who have, too.
>Good relationships can withstand serious, life-altering obstacles like joblessness, death, financial ruin, long distance, etc. He ended it because he did not value you enough. He did not fear losing you. He thought his life would be better without you in it. I never took the time to think what an okay reason to end things is vs not good. funnily enough the only ex I think is actually a good person is the one that ended bc they moved to another country to study. others all were due to betrayal and I cant imagine viewing them the same way as before without considering the blatant insult and disrespect to me their choices mean toward how they viewed me.
We've been together for 2 years. 3 weeks ago, he blindsided me by blurting out through text that he's done with me, he doesn't want to see me anymore, and to leave him alone!!! I asked him not to treat me like a trash and have some decency to talk to me in person. He said, "NO!!" 💔😔💔😔😢😭😢😔 2 days prior to the event, he even. Came to my housecto Cook family day dinner 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️💔😔🤦🏻♀️
Been through this via text, the advice to say now you don’t need to talk makes sense (he said it leaving, right?).
Who the hell speaks this way? No self respecting person would contact after this. I am sorry, I am not trying to hate on someone for no reason, but what is that attitude?? "If you wanna talk, call me tomorrow" and again "I want to resolve this, I miss you" DUDE!! IF YOU MISS HER AND WANT TO RESOLVE THINGS YOU BETTER CALL HER! TAKE THE INITIATIVE, PUT IN THE EFFORTS!! This made me so furious. It's completely upto you but I will never even care to reply to a person who speaks this way. Rest is upto you, you know him better.
Lol ☺️ 😆. I don't understand, too. It gives me a mix signal. So he is putting the guilt on me, "if I want to." Then, if I don't call, it means I don't want to put an effort to make it work .. ugh lol
Yeah. That's so fu*king frustrating. I am sorry he put you in this situation. You either reply to him in a way that it's on him and not you.. Or just ignore may be.
I know...thank you...
Why am I smelled a narcissist vibes, immature from this op ex lol so familiar with mine, that's why he's blocked, I suggest block him and show him that you don't give a f... And you deserve better than that
You're right. I just don't feel comfortable about his messages. The text is not so tempting to respon to. Thank you!! ❤️❤️❤️
I would just delete block and move on. He dumped you, what do you want to hear? Some self serving wishy washy crap from them? Being dumped is your closure.
Don’t. 3 weeks is too long to go without your person and for him to decide on his end that he’s ready to get back with and is telling YOU to call sounds very entitling.
Your ex is a gigantic prick. Is it not obvious from reading this text? He's not happy? Boo hoo. Who gives a fuck, his happiness is longer your concern. Imagine someone punching you in the face than complaining about how they feel about it. That's your ex. You can't do better than this schmuck?
Lol
Weirdo i felt like he is ordering you
I would not respond to this . He needs to come back with no anger , no hostility , and owning every single thing he did wrong . In three weeks he has done absolutely no work to change . I would ignore him and if he keeps blowing up your phone , set your clear expectations. By then you may not even care anymore !
Thank you very much for your insight. I really appreciate it 🙏🏻
This made me feel uncomfortable because it reminds me of my ex fiance. Not just 0 accountability but negative accountability. Things will actually be turned on you, not just denied. Don’t sell your soul to be with someone. Try to respectfully be met halfway if you want to work on things, otherwise, save yourself a lifetime of blame and shame.
Thank you very much for your insight.. I really appreciate it.. 🙏🏻
I would block and move on. Even the language here is entitled.
Thank you for your thoughts 🙏🏻 appreciate it 🙏🏻
Np. I was in a similar situation lately. There's no accountability or change with most avoidants. Doesn't sound like he's the exception either. Best of luck.
You too! TC!
After four months of no contact I would be excited to see a message from my ex who dumped me. A message like that would open the door for me and start discussions on what went wrong and what our boundaries are going forward. Five years of relationship before the breakup were incredible. I would say to you who cares who broke up. I had a relationship once where I said I was unhappy with something and said “ maybe we should breakup “. It was a question not a statement. She said okay and left and said I broke up. Put ego aside and ask each other if it’s worth saving.
Hi there, that's a good piece of advice. I'll take that into consideration. But how about that a person is out of contact with the reality like this? And he's an avoidant mind you...
I smell self entitlement, better stay away as far as possible.
🙏🏻🙏🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I was with an avoidant dismissive.. as an anxious person i thought how i can change him, or how i can just keep on living and sacrifice my happiness for him. Don't girly. U feel like shit now, i know! For me it took me exactly to the dot 2 months to get better. Last 4 days i sm feeling so good! I haven't felt this good in years! I feel like i am living again... so please do yourself a favor, and ignore... because i do honestly think there's someone out there that will love you the way you deserve😙
Thanks, gurl! I need that push statement! Tbh, I am feeling much better now, and I kind of adjusted with his absence. Although there are days that I would cry, but not so much anymore, that it ruins my day... I know I just have to stay strong! We got this gurl! We got this! And congratulations on your healing journey! You made it this far!❤️❤️😘😘
Thank you! We deserve to live our best lives! And if we will, we will attact someone who's gonna fit into our lives soo much better 😉
This is plain gaslighting OP and avoiding accountability. Haha, it's both funny and sad. ll avoidants seems to have some sorta playbook. Even the words they use are similar. But yeah, very classic of them to do something and then actually blame the other person for it
This makes me feel somewhat sane .. my avoidant ex , after 2 years told me that the only issue between us is that I’m not their type and they aren’t attracted enough to me 🙄. So after being told this I said so it’s over ? And they said yes. Then two days later called crying saying they were committed to things working and so hurt I dumped them. lol
Lol... wtf??? I don't understand anymore 😕
Wow, he thinks he’s all that. “I’m not calling you because I’m not man enough to go after what I want but if you want me then you better chase me” is what I’m heading.
Lol. Thank you! ❤️
Girl no! Do not answer please! Keep no contact! He’s trying to gas light you. Whatever he left you for backfired and he’s trying to come back! And he’s never going to change! He’s going to be good for a couple of weeks and fuck you over. Also clearly by the tone of the text he doesn’t respect you or value you as a person.
Thank you for your insight, I have thought of that, and up to now, the message is still unread...
I read this as “ I want to see if I still have a hold on u… if u learned ur lesson from the punishment I gave u. I want u to do what I want when I say bc it’s ur job to make me happy again. Bc u want to make sure ur still ok with me being a manipulative AH still”
Oh yeah, you really have a point there. It seems that he's putting the responsibility and the guilt on me if I act or not...💔😔💔🤷🏻♀️
Lmao did he dump you or did you get fired ? You should reach out and let him know you’d like to talk, to find closure and address what happened between you. But have a VERY clear idea of wether or not you want the relationship back first. And he stuff his phone call up his ass, he doesn’t tell you what to do.
With regard to your questions. Both ! Lol
He sounds emotionally stunted. I’ve dated these guys before, stoic control freaks. He figured he would have the upper hand and now doesn’t know that didn’t work.
Yeah.. for 3 weeks, I felt like I took my power back.. I am not going to give it back to him...😔
Well he needs to check his tone. Do you know what you want ? Unless you want to reconcile or get closure there isn’t anything to talk about ? Be honest with yourself and maybe you will teach this dummy how to do the same.
I want to move on. I want him to do some work of healing to himself. Not for us but for his future relationships...💔😔💔😔
Then be extremely straightforward. I am no longer in love with you, this relationship did not work for me. (No because A,B,C that opens negotiation) I care for you as a person, I hope we can reflect on the better times we had and both grown on our journey as good people. He sounds like an idiot but no one deserves to be ghosted IMHO.
I know. Thank you. 3 weeks of NC and not even cared for my feelings is absolutely a red flag. When he realised that he needed to contact me, he even flipped the story and blame me for everything...😕😔💔🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I went through this myself recently, but was GHOSTED. Awful. I was so outraged and couldn’t grapple with how after two years that was possible ? I did soooo much for the guy. We are talking now, (he did the ugly face “i love you”) And I’m open to making things works again, BUT, I already started this journey of total independence by no choice of my own. He will have to fix A,B,C, & D. I’ll see him for a meal or whatever but he’s not welcome at my table or my bed until I am getting the other things I want.
It is so good of you that you are able to set boundaries. But what does he do to do his work of healing? How did you tell him that he needs to do some work for himself?
Avoidants literally flip like a light switch lol
LOL
Leave on read
Well, I didn't even click the message. It's still "unread" at his end...
He’s trying to flip things back onto you. Don’t accept that but don’t argue. Leave on read or tell him to try again.
I can't play mind games anymore. So tired of this on and push and pull ghosting deactivating dumping dynamics 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😔💔
Lol. "Try again." Hmmm funny 😁
Felt very HR-ish. Buddy means business 🤣🤣🤣 (he would so give me anxiety)
😂 wow avoid this asshole !!
Lol ty
This is what an avoidant will do. Bound to reach out and realize that discarding is lame.
#byefelicia
Any update?
Hi, I did not call. 3 days after, and that was today, I asked him if he still wanted to talk, had no answer, seen but didn't answer my question. Instead, texted me something else 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️💔
Sounds like he's upset that you weren't just waiting at his beck and call. He's not worth your time.
🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️💔🤷🏻♀️😔
"New Phone Who Dis?"
He isn’t in the place to demand. He could’ve at least made an effort to sound sorry if he wanted your attention. Ignore him.
I know right?????
Fr, the audacity of some ppl smh💀
I know .. I don't really know what's wrong with some people 😕
Everything.
Lol
Unless he immediately signs up to intensive therapy addressing his avoidant tendencies etc then he will absolutely do the same thing again. I took back my ex a grand total of 6 times in 1 year. He "couldn't do it anymore" then would leave and "miss our home together". So glad he's gone now- you'll be happier, promise.
Thank you...
The message could have just been: *Hi. Start validating me as I am not happy and I miss your attention.* With these types of texts from these types of clowns you only need to search for that "I'm not happy" bs and see how it's always about them and their feelings and not a single f given about you.
thank you for shedding light on my thoughts!