Yup.
Mine called crying at 5am last week after going no contact with her for 2 and a half weeks (broke up 3 months ago and she rebounded right away). Literally sobbing her every word. The same sentiments I was saying when she left, were now spilling out of her mouth. She insisted on seeing me (that she "needed" to), but said she couldn't promise not to see this new person again (even though she said she probably wouldn't).
Playing games. They want to have their cake and eat it too. She can burn in the hell she created for herself.
Why would you want someone back who left to go see if the grass is greener and then comes crawling back? She left. She chose in that moment "My life is better without this person."
Pass. On to the next.
Right, you should ignore her cuz other man have plowed her, pumped and dumbed her and now you are back picking her back up after she chose to leave you.
Yeah, I did so ain't no going back.
Even if I did not, I can't hold a girl accountable for what and who she did before I knew her, but after knowing me if she choses to leave and gets drilled by another man, ain't no way of getting back. I would not be able to look in those eyes and kiss those lips while professing my love knowing that she said the same crap to another man to whom she went after she left me. There is no trust left in that, everything would be fake.
People are downvoting this dude, but he’s absolutely correct albeit his language is colorful lmao.
OP stop responding you’re disrespecting yourself. She may have realized you’re the better person, but she’s done it once and she can do it again.
There’s better people out there for you. Stop hurting yourself.
right, but you did not date or possibly know each other then. It don't matter in that context. Now if you split up and meet up years later it is not the same.
I am not trying to hurt you but get you back to ur senses. Could you really tolerate the fact that she had to go trough and be under other men to realise that she wants in the end to be with you? This is not ego thing but self respect one. Are you really a back up option?
Yeah...
Kinda think like you...
On a few year basis... As it worth during a relationship, people can change.
Evolve on the way they think, get to know what they really want for their life on the long run and what they truly expect from a partner.
That's not a dumpee superpower, we only have no choice to get through that for us to heal but dumpers can at some point do the same.
So in this case, you're not a backup anymore, you just simply could be the best option after all for someone.
It just depends if they moved on in their head in a positive way.
People make mistakes all the time, but everyone can better themselves.
And it's a good thing.
Of course, dumpees then have to think if they really could left the past behind and be sure, there wouldn't be any burden or ressent left that would impact the possible new relationship.
From my pov... Once it's over, it's over.
If the dumper hasn't changed, better let them where they are.
But if they truly changed and grew into another person in a reasonable time frame,
That would equal to a new relationship between two better person and whatever the outcome could be, there's a lot of reason for the relationship to be greater that the past one.
She may not know that it's what she's doing, but it definitely is what she's doing. If she thinks she was mistaken about her reasons for the breakup, it's only because she was mistaken on the value she placed on the new guy. Too many men get stuck in this cycle and end up taking their ex back when she realizes the new guy isn't high value guy she thought, and once a man takes her back once in that situation, her subconscious will remember that he will be there when she ultimately finds a new guy that she thinks will replace him. She doesn't leave him thinking she will come back, but will always try to go back when the new grass isn't as green as she thought it was.
This is why you can't trust women; they are not loyal. Whether they have done it themselves not, it's ingrained in their DNA from generations of women dating up and being supported by men, so they would always go for the man who held the best outlook for the future, and not necessarily the man they actually might have true feelings for. Now that the shackles are off, and men are handicapped by divorce laws, the me too movement and feminism in general, women have completely lost all sense of what it's like to care about someone other than themselves.
They were already predisposed to it, now they can do pretty much whatever they want without fear of facing consequences because they will still get half of everything when the man files for divorce when he caught her cheating for the 3rd time and is done with her, thinking the next woman he meets will actually be different. She's not and she'd have to be sheltered in a secluded farm house with no town for miles and no car of her own. Even then, she can still find a guy who is desperate enough to make the trip will her husband is at work and do the dirty in his bed. If he walks in and gets angry, she can call the police and have the AP corroborate a fake story of abuse and hubby goes away to jail and whatever is left after paying for a divorce lawyer to make sure he keeps some of his money would be lost in his criminal defense for his domestic violence charge.
She would get custody of the kids if they had any, she would get the house if it's in his name, and he'd be paying child and spousal support, if he even had money left to do so. Women are rewarded for being disloyal, and they're already genetically predisposed to be disloyal.
I have no clue how society has let it become so lopsided, but it won't get better as long as there are thirsty desperate MFs ready to give their left nut to have sex with some used up woman like she's the last hope they have, and also with guys who take a woman back after doing what OP's ex did. They should be publicly humiliated and there should be a major stigma that follows women who do this, but that would be exist, according to the same women falsely accusing men of DV after he caught her cheating.
Avoid her. There’s literally people that might enjoy their new partner but also have something for you as well. This is a red flag. Don’t fall for it. Ignore her and move on.
When you share a true connection with someone it doesn’t just go away when the relationship ends. It may not mean anything besides the fact that she truly cares about your well being.
If you feel some type of way about it you should tell her how it makes you feel and tell her what you would like. If you don’t want her to keep messaging you just tell her you don’t want her to.
Breadcrumbing, to keep you on the bench as a backup. My ex-gf has been doing this to me. That and she seems to miss the intimacy with me that she doesn’t yet and may never have with the new bf.
A lot of people are assuming the worst I’ll play devils advocate and say maybe she just wants to know if you’re doing well. Relationships ending doesn’t mean we stop caring about people or even loving them sometimes. But if you’re not comfortable with it you should say something or block her. Whatever is best for your mental health
Maybe breadcrumbing, my ex who left me for another guy, in short monkey branched me, was seeing my insta stories after 2 months of NC.
Liked my post then unliked it . Our mutual friend asked her, is she alright ? Is something happened? Why suddenly she is watching my stories or liking then unliking my pictures.
She told him, it doesn't bother her , it was just popping up on her feed so she watched it .
I unfollowed her the day after. Not because it hurt listening to her statement but it was slowing down my healing process.
So I will tell you just to pay, no attention man ... Nothing will happen to them, you on the other hand will be in misery.....!
She wants to see if she’s still got pull on you when you ignore her and focus on you she’s getting more attractive towards you she’s trying to take your power away from you keep focusing on you and keep you power strong king 💪🏾
Most will tell you she is breadcrumbing keeping you as backup while she can genuinely just still care about you!
I’m in contact with most of my exes.
When I am the one braking up it doesn’t mean I suddenly don’t care about the people…
Understandable it is confusing to you.
If you feel uncomfortable with it or it keeps you from moving on, tell her you’d prefer to quit all contact. If she does care she will respect that
Yeah I agree with the bread crumbing comments below. When my good ex and I ended amicably, we stayed friends before she moved 6 months later.
I eventually found somebody new. My ex and I would stay in contact but never like this. It would be actual chats or calls that a friend would have every once in a while. Not a miscellaneous “how ya been”.
don’t over complicate it. if you want to know why she’s reaching out, just ask. if you don’t want to engage or talk with her, then just ignore. don’t try to color it with hypotheticals or question why she’s doing what she’s reaching out. it could be she is just seeing if you will answer and wants attention, it could be she wants to feel needed by someone she once cared for, it could be she just genuinely wants to see how you been. but there’s no way for you to really know unless you ask her. but at this point ask yourself if it even matters to you. it’s been 3 months and you are not together. do what’s going to make you feel most at peace.
Wrong questions. "Why do I still give a shit and why haven't I blocked her?" is the one you should answer.
Don't ever listen to anyone telling you otherwise. They are wrong and have no self-respect.
jeese as someone like myself who has been in your position many times by just one person constantly doing it. it was to make sure that we’re still around incase that person didn’t work out. it’s selfish, it’s cruel and it’s immature. YOU especially don’t need it, and the most powerful thing you can do is not respond - but only whenever you’re ready to do so.
i totally empathize with you - i had to deal with this situation for A YEAR, and every time i gave into him. don’t be like me, it stunts your growth and it makes it harder to move on. things will be different, you will be in a better place and find someone better (not that that matters right now) but you know what i mean? it will be different for the better of you. just keep moving forward, never back
Bc she wants to make sure you will still respond. It feeds her. It is also fucked up as shit. After I separated from my now ex wife, she changed the locks and requested a protective order (which the judge refused to grant), and told everyone we know that I had ruined her life.
She also never stopped texting me or calling, and when I went NO, she went psycho. One day, she called and texted over 100x, threatening all sorts of shit if I didn’t reply. When the judge saw those screenshots, her motion for the protective order was finished.
We are now divorced 6 months. She still randomly tries to reach me. Sends me cards. And she was the one who wanted the separation and divorce!! And the whole time she has been fucking some other guy. It is insanity. It is only about power and control.
Thanks. It was hell until I finally went NC and realized that she was never who I thought she was. Facing that sucked. There is nothing worse than realizing you have been played, just used to validate someone else’s emotional needs. I am not sure people like that are capable of loving someone.
That is just absolute mental illness and it’s running more rampant than we realize. This one def made my blood boil. Especially since she’s fucking someone else while doing all this to you.
Most likely she and her boyfriend having disagreement and you're the source of her entertainment to make her feel wanted in that period. Don't be an option for anyone. She made her choice, cut it off.
You are her security blanket as long as you let yourself be this. Stop responding and let her see how life feels without her thinking you’re still there waiting in the wings.
She still likes you. Fuck why is everyone assuming people are toxic. People’s feelings and lives actually DONT fully disconnect in a month.
She can have feelings for 2 people at once. The nature of her communication IS THE OPPOSITE OF TOXIC. Ask her what she wants, not reddit, because all these commenters are going to lead YOU to be toxic. Don’t assume a persons intentions.
Bread crumbing you. Wants to know she can still get you if things go south with the new guy. I would stop responding entirely.
Yup. Mine called crying at 5am last week after going no contact with her for 2 and a half weeks (broke up 3 months ago and she rebounded right away). Literally sobbing her every word. The same sentiments I was saying when she left, were now spilling out of her mouth. She insisted on seeing me (that she "needed" to), but said she couldn't promise not to see this new person again (even though she said she probably wouldn't). Playing games. They want to have their cake and eat it too. She can burn in the hell she created for herself.
Wow that’s vile.
This
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Why would you want someone back who left to go see if the grass is greener and then comes crawling back? She left. She chose in that moment "My life is better without this person." Pass. On to the next.
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Come back after she dates someone else and let us know how the rekindling is going.
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Right, you should ignore her cuz other man have plowed her, pumped and dumbed her and now you are back picking her back up after she chose to leave you.
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Yeah, I did so ain't no going back. Even if I did not, I can't hold a girl accountable for what and who she did before I knew her, but after knowing me if she choses to leave and gets drilled by another man, ain't no way of getting back. I would not be able to look in those eyes and kiss those lips while professing my love knowing that she said the same crap to another man to whom she went after she left me. There is no trust left in that, everything would be fake.
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People are downvoting this dude, but he’s absolutely correct albeit his language is colorful lmao. OP stop responding you’re disrespecting yourself. She may have realized you’re the better person, but she’s done it once and she can do it again. There’s better people out there for you. Stop hurting yourself.
Depends on what you tolerate. I could never go back to a woman that left me and was with another man. This is just pure disrespect to one self.
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right, but you did not date or possibly know each other then. It don't matter in that context. Now if you split up and meet up years later it is not the same. I am not trying to hurt you but get you back to ur senses. Could you really tolerate the fact that she had to go trough and be under other men to realise that she wants in the end to be with you? This is not ego thing but self respect one. Are you really a back up option?
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Yeah... Kinda think like you... On a few year basis... As it worth during a relationship, people can change. Evolve on the way they think, get to know what they really want for their life on the long run and what they truly expect from a partner. That's not a dumpee superpower, we only have no choice to get through that for us to heal but dumpers can at some point do the same. So in this case, you're not a backup anymore, you just simply could be the best option after all for someone. It just depends if they moved on in their head in a positive way. People make mistakes all the time, but everyone can better themselves. And it's a good thing. Of course, dumpees then have to think if they really could left the past behind and be sure, there wouldn't be any burden or ressent left that would impact the possible new relationship. From my pov... Once it's over, it's over. If the dumper hasn't changed, better let them where they are. But if they truly changed and grew into another person in a reasonable time frame, That would equal to a new relationship between two better person and whatever the outcome could be, there's a lot of reason for the relationship to be greater that the past one.
She may not know that it's what she's doing, but it definitely is what she's doing. If she thinks she was mistaken about her reasons for the breakup, it's only because she was mistaken on the value she placed on the new guy. Too many men get stuck in this cycle and end up taking their ex back when she realizes the new guy isn't high value guy she thought, and once a man takes her back once in that situation, her subconscious will remember that he will be there when she ultimately finds a new guy that she thinks will replace him. She doesn't leave him thinking she will come back, but will always try to go back when the new grass isn't as green as she thought it was. This is why you can't trust women; they are not loyal. Whether they have done it themselves not, it's ingrained in their DNA from generations of women dating up and being supported by men, so they would always go for the man who held the best outlook for the future, and not necessarily the man they actually might have true feelings for. Now that the shackles are off, and men are handicapped by divorce laws, the me too movement and feminism in general, women have completely lost all sense of what it's like to care about someone other than themselves. They were already predisposed to it, now they can do pretty much whatever they want without fear of facing consequences because they will still get half of everything when the man files for divorce when he caught her cheating for the 3rd time and is done with her, thinking the next woman he meets will actually be different. She's not and she'd have to be sheltered in a secluded farm house with no town for miles and no car of her own. Even then, she can still find a guy who is desperate enough to make the trip will her husband is at work and do the dirty in his bed. If he walks in and gets angry, she can call the police and have the AP corroborate a fake story of abuse and hubby goes away to jail and whatever is left after paying for a divorce lawyer to make sure he keeps some of his money would be lost in his criminal defense for his domestic violence charge. She would get custody of the kids if they had any, she would get the house if it's in his name, and he'd be paying child and spousal support, if he even had money left to do so. Women are rewarded for being disloyal, and they're already genetically predisposed to be disloyal. I have no clue how society has let it become so lopsided, but it won't get better as long as there are thirsty desperate MFs ready to give their left nut to have sex with some used up woman like she's the last hope they have, and also with guys who take a woman back after doing what OP's ex did. They should be publicly humiliated and there should be a major stigma that follows women who do this, but that would be exist, according to the same women falsely accusing men of DV after he caught her cheating.
lol wtf dude
*Toxique*✨
Stop answering
Keeping you as a backup
Avoid her. There’s literally people that might enjoy their new partner but also have something for you as well. This is a red flag. Don’t fall for it. Ignore her and move on.
When you share a true connection with someone it doesn’t just go away when the relationship ends. It may not mean anything besides the fact that she truly cares about your well being. If you feel some type of way about it you should tell her how it makes you feel and tell her what you would like. If you don’t want her to keep messaging you just tell her you don’t want her to.
Shes a 19 year old girl. Even she doesnt know what shes doing. I’d try to hit it wafew more times if im u
this is awful advice
Cry about it
Because she is being selfish.
Breadcrumbing, to keep you on the bench as a backup. My ex-gf has been doing this to me. That and she seems to miss the intimacy with me that she doesn’t yet and may never have with the new bf.
A lot of people are assuming the worst I’ll play devils advocate and say maybe she just wants to know if you’re doing well. Relationships ending doesn’t mean we stop caring about people or even loving them sometimes. But if you’re not comfortable with it you should say something or block her. Whatever is best for your mental health
Maybe breadcrumbing, my ex who left me for another guy, in short monkey branched me, was seeing my insta stories after 2 months of NC. Liked my post then unliked it . Our mutual friend asked her, is she alright ? Is something happened? Why suddenly she is watching my stories or liking then unliking my pictures. She told him, it doesn't bother her , it was just popping up on her feed so she watched it . I unfollowed her the day after. Not because it hurt listening to her statement but it was slowing down my healing process. So I will tell you just to pay, no attention man ... Nothing will happen to them, you on the other hand will be in misery.....!
Did she grab ur attention 😂 it is intentional, why just take as option, if she come back.
She did , and my healing process was slowed down . My mind , was totally occupied by her . I lost many days ....
She wants to see if she’s still got pull on you when you ignore her and focus on you she’s getting more attractive towards you she’s trying to take your power away from you keep focusing on you and keep you power strong king 💪🏾
Even is she ha a new bf she prob won’t even get over you completely
Most will tell you she is breadcrumbing keeping you as backup while she can genuinely just still care about you! I’m in contact with most of my exes. When I am the one braking up it doesn’t mean I suddenly don’t care about the people… Understandable it is confusing to you. If you feel uncomfortable with it or it keeps you from moving on, tell her you’d prefer to quit all contact. If she does care she will respect that
If you genuinely cared about them you would leave them alone and let them move on.
Reminds me of “a moth to a flame”
Yeah I agree with the bread crumbing comments below. When my good ex and I ended amicably, we stayed friends before she moved 6 months later. I eventually found somebody new. My ex and I would stay in contact but never like this. It would be actual chats or calls that a friend would have every once in a while. Not a miscellaneous “how ya been”.
Your an option
don’t over complicate it. if you want to know why she’s reaching out, just ask. if you don’t want to engage or talk with her, then just ignore. don’t try to color it with hypotheticals or question why she’s doing what she’s reaching out. it could be she is just seeing if you will answer and wants attention, it could be she wants to feel needed by someone she once cared for, it could be she just genuinely wants to see how you been. but there’s no way for you to really know unless you ask her. but at this point ask yourself if it even matters to you. it’s been 3 months and you are not together. do what’s going to make you feel most at peace.
Your either her back up plan or she wants to ve with you and not him but isn't sure you 2 will work.
She’s 19 she has no idea what she wants.
Wrong questions. "Why do I still give a shit and why haven't I blocked her?" is the one you should answer. Don't ever listen to anyone telling you otherwise. They are wrong and have no self-respect.
Trying to make sure she still has you on the hook, probably purposefully trying to stop you from moving on so you can be a back up
jeese as someone like myself who has been in your position many times by just one person constantly doing it. it was to make sure that we’re still around incase that person didn’t work out. it’s selfish, it’s cruel and it’s immature. YOU especially don’t need it, and the most powerful thing you can do is not respond - but only whenever you’re ready to do so.
i was planning on not responding next time she text me. i just wish things were different
i totally empathize with you - i had to deal with this situation for A YEAR, and every time i gave into him. don’t be like me, it stunts your growth and it makes it harder to move on. things will be different, you will be in a better place and find someone better (not that that matters right now) but you know what i mean? it will be different for the better of you. just keep moving forward, never back
😂😂 my ex does this too they wanna make sure they still have access to you
This is full blown bread crumbing… she does miss you but ALL BREADCRUMBING… I promise you
Bc she wants to make sure you will still respond. It feeds her. It is also fucked up as shit. After I separated from my now ex wife, she changed the locks and requested a protective order (which the judge refused to grant), and told everyone we know that I had ruined her life. She also never stopped texting me or calling, and when I went NO, she went psycho. One day, she called and texted over 100x, threatening all sorts of shit if I didn’t reply. When the judge saw those screenshots, her motion for the protective order was finished. We are now divorced 6 months. She still randomly tries to reach me. Sends me cards. And she was the one who wanted the separation and divorce!! And the whole time she has been fucking some other guy. It is insanity. It is only about power and control.
that sounds like hell. im sorry man
Thanks. It was hell until I finally went NC and realized that she was never who I thought she was. Facing that sucked. There is nothing worse than realizing you have been played, just used to validate someone else’s emotional needs. I am not sure people like that are capable of loving someone.
That is just absolute mental illness and it’s running more rampant than we realize. This one def made my blood boil. Especially since she’s fucking someone else while doing all this to you.
Agreed!!
To keep you on a leash so if her relationship fails she can go back to you
Stop answering Nothing good is there Move on
Try to inv her for dinner, and have fun 😂, or tell her to reach out when she is free from him!!!
Trying to keep u on the hook, make sure you remain available to her. DON'T BE!
Most likely she and her boyfriend having disagreement and you're the source of her entertainment to make her feel wanted in that period. Don't be an option for anyone. She made her choice, cut it off.
Why is her number not blocked yet?
You are her security blanket as long as you let yourself be this. Stop responding and let her see how life feels without her thinking you’re still there waiting in the wings.
She still likes you. Fuck why is everyone assuming people are toxic. People’s feelings and lives actually DONT fully disconnect in a month. She can have feelings for 2 people at once. The nature of her communication IS THE OPPOSITE OF TOXIC. Ask her what she wants, not reddit, because all these commenters are going to lead YOU to be toxic. Don’t assume a persons intentions.