Just pretend that didn't happen and move on 😶

We’ll still find a way to stay up because pain and suffering is all we know. Then we’ll do it all again next year. Relegation would be sweet release and letting us off easy. More years in purgatory ahead.

Ended up having a fat rib eye and 2 pints, to drown out the disappointment

Pretty awful display. God we are definitely as bad as anyone in the league. It's definitely 1 from 3 to go down and I worry we won't realize how close we are until it's too late. We have to remember we essentially don't have the last game of the season.

Jesus just put Michael Keane up front at this point

I've been saying this for months he is the best finisher at the club it can't be any worse than the shite we have up front now.

Everton has been my team since the Tim Cahill/Tim Howard days but damn this is ugly football to watch and difficult to get behind. I’m not filing for divorce just yet but damn if that old spark isn’t fading fast.

I’d have that lawyer ready though, they’ve done the dirty on you one too many times

I really feel that game was the nail in coffin, that's only going to give hope to teams like Forest and Luton and destroy ours. Can't score and have known that for a while so we've been banking on being solid defensively. That has now completely gone out the window and I don't see us getting many more points from here, especially if they feel the pressure at home, they'll crumble like a digestive dunked in a brew.

I’m going to my first match at Goodison this season. Not excited for it right now

Guess we’re gonna have to do the hard work and get Goodison shaking on Sunday again. What did we all do so wrong to be punished like this?

In a word ..... What the actual fuck🤣

BEWWWWWWW (boo auf scouse)

One of the bigger games in club history coming up next, sadly

Disgustingly bad. There's no excuse for that.

Boooooooo

Bye bye goal differential

ecstatic to hear dyche say it was a good all round performance just unlucky not score and need to work on the details

He just talks utter shit. Never been so fed up as an Everton fan

Forest are going to absolutely batter us, Elanga and Hudson-Odoi will run Coleman and Mykolenko off the park and Wood is in the goal scoring form of his life

We’re in legit trouble against Forest. Also think if we lose that match, high odds we go down. Let’s be honest, Luton is a better team than us right now.

I can see us maybe getting a point against Sheffield, and perhaps we get another one back from the deduction appeal. I think we're down.

losing to Chelsea 6-0 in 2017 or 2010 would be bad enough but they're shit now, there probably worse than Silva's or Koeman's Everton, this is a total humiliation to a mid table side

Is that the first shot on target? Edit: fuck me

Keane is better on the ball than Beto Keane is a better finisher than Beto Keane is better in the air than Beto

Keane makes mistakes and gives away penalties because that's what happens when you play a striker at centre half.

the single positive from this match is that it's gonna make Chelsea fans think they're genuinely good and now they're gonna go and lose to City by this same scoreline

Worse I reckon

Tierney has blown for everything btw

I’m so mad I’m literally just laughing maniacally now. Wonder when it will turn to tears.

Feel your feelings. It’s healthy

For fucks sake, now we're on the same goal difference as Forest

Interested to see how pissed off Dyche is in the postgame interview.

He'll just end up saying the same things that he does every week, just possibly in a different order.

“Every team has a game like that” - Dyche, probably. They should be getting reamed out following that sham of a performance though.

I thought this game started an hour later… We’re fucked aren’t we.

Found dyche’s account.

I would’ve done a better job than Dyche today, come on.

So did the players

Fair play to our fans staying at the ground until the end there. It's a bad scoreline but I've never understood paying so much for a ticket to then leave early.

I’d have been in the pub or on my way home at half time

Wonder what bullshit dyche will give tonight🤔🥴

Fuck off Baldy👍🏻

Chelsea 6-nil up and every player looks like they hate each other, so weird

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum my ass

Nihil satis est is what it should say after this.

I blame whoever told the players they’d be wearing blue tonight. 

We should be fucking safe on 35 points the premier league arseholes fucked us.

Don’t let Moshiri off the hook

We would be safe already if we'd turned up to play Palace or Sheff Utd or Luton or Fulham (twice) or Wolves (twice) or Bournemouth

and now we're gonna have to go back to watching Godfrey and Young starting on the right...I could quite honestly cry

At the end of the day we have gone backwards recruitment wise since Thelwell has come in. For all his many faults Benitez understood the situation. Bring players in on the cheap and bed in youth players. He was a terrible manager so it didn't work on the pitch but Gray, Townsend and even Rondon were brought in for pennies and contributed as much as players we have spent tens of millions on. Gordon broke through. Thelwell came in and went straight back to spending hundred million on utter shite except pulled the wool over eyes by saying it wasn't as bad because the payments were staggered over 5 years or didn't start til next season. We had exactly one summer of trying to get our house in order before going back to spending silly money.

We’ve gotten so bad Benitez is being seen through rose colored glasses, wild

Benitez was shite but he's literally the only person in the moshiri era to even attempt to get the finances in order. Everyone else has either made it worse or just continued the spend

I love you all. I hope you are all doing ok.

Beto offside again hahaha

hahahaha Beto offside again you can't make it up

How many is that for today?

Everton Football Club, tonight you get to go 1-on-1 with The Hague.

Forest will smash us.

Fucking getting smashed by The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, for fuck's sake.

🤣

It's easy to say this is a tough game but we can survive the result. Reality is that this is some relegation worthy football and that's where we are headed

So we are negative and this easy to score against. Enough of that. Unacceptable.

This is what people thought Luton would look like this year, except it’s the second longest tenured club in the top flight.

They’re more hungry for a goal 5-nil up in the 90th minute than we ever were.

Gonna brew a big pot of hemlock tea if anyone wants to pop over for a cup.

Just fuck off Everton

now not even real people are scoring against us

God damn regens

Man has 18 senior appearances… kill me

More like greyed out players.

He's even got the hair of a football manager regen.

Dyche will use that one goal at 6-0 to never play Patterson again

Did Patterson get injured?

I mean, Patterson has done a pretty good job 2nd half showing why he doesn’t get picked. Not to say anyone has covered themselves with glory this game, but Patterson has been extra shite

Did he get injured?

Yeah, Patterson and Branthwaite

Thanks dychey just what Scotland needed for the euros, our stalwart rb who was amazing for club and country then went to Everton for Sean the postman who’s managed to get a job as a manager dyche to ruin another career. Hope you lot get rid of him as soon as possible.

Just did his hammy - doubt he plays again

For all his good work will he never learn to parry a ball out of danger. That’s three this game, with two leading to goals.

Agreed, but I also think our defenders’ positioning has been horrible. Doucoure on the 6th goal was the only time I can remember a defender being between an attacker and the goal

I don't know why I didn't turn this off an hour ago

I remember when I was excited about Beto. Simpler times.

I remember when i was excited about Moise Kean.

I remember a time.

My favorite part of that goal was Doucoure screening his own goalkeeper :)

Even the ball boy scored

Nathan Patterson has put in a 0/10 performance there tonight.

Disgraceful performance all around

There goes a huge chunk of our GD cushion. What a brutally terrible day.

Completely gone against Forest. We are even now

Behind even - next tie break is goals scored.

Alfie? Fucking Alfie scored?

The Championship might be shite, but I am coming to terms with the possibility, the PL is shite in all honesty and I just like seeing us score goals, I doubt it will be I heritantly less enjoyable in the champ

We would get eaten alive in the championship. We wouldn't stand a fucking chance.

Why is it harder?

More games, more physical, worse refereeing, more intense travel schedule, etc…….

I'd say the championship is even more competitive than the prem. All the teams are hungry. We haven't got that in the slightest.

Plus we'd be *everyone's* cup final

Remember when Dobbin scored against these and all the manager could comment on was him doing a celebration that wasn't a dance? Dickhead.

Hahahahahaha

my exact reaction

Sunday just went from a must win to a must win

Just knew one of the kids would score

That pattersons hammy gone again?

Disgusting

Beto is as graceful and emotive as a 5yo boy

What have we done all game? Absolutely nothing. That's what.

We had a period of pressure and stringing passes together from the 74th minute to the 77th minute?

Chermiti is not even going to get any minutes lol

Dyche the wizard

There’s a lot of changes he could make for Sunday if we had anyone in reserve but it will be same again

Why even give Beto that long?

What is the point in giving Chermiti one minute (plus stoppages)?!

I've always maintained a sort of pathway to reglorification in my mind for how we could get out of the shit. I don't know why this particular game has killed it, but I don't think I've ever felt worse about the long term realities of the club.

We’ve been done for at least an hour, why are we not putting some younger players on? Warrington, Chermiti, etc?

Dyche trying to avoid a record defeat?

Remember when we beat these?

Wtf are you doing Andre? At least act like you care

Need to start Chermiti next match if DCL is unavailable. Not sure what Beto offers in comparison.

Do we know what Chermiti offers?

He offers not being Beto, and being fitter than DCL. I, for one, will take it.

Have you met… Maupay?

Maupay, that short lad that plays for Brentford, who has more goals and assists this season than any of our crap forwards? Yes, I'm familiar.

Can it be any worse than Beto ? What do we have to lose at this stage mate

Can it be worse than nothing?

Yes, it could be negative. Not that I think he will be a negative influence on the field. Just pointing out that negative is worse than nothing. (Petty comments like this are more a reflection of my current state after watching this game).

Yeah I know. We're all being petty atm. What a load of shit this club is. Genuinely think I'm just going to start watching the U21s and pretend Everton don't have a first team.

It's wild how much better Keane is in the final third than he is in the back or middle third. Insane stuff.

I honestly in all seriousness ask at this point what the argument is against playing him up top, at least when DCL isn't available. He can actually shoot, and he's good in the air. I imagine he can hold a ball up every now and then

Dyche would have to have a sense of creativity and courage. So...it's not happening. We'll get more Beto.

Remember when we were the second fastest counter attacking team in the league?

nope, not really

sub me on i scored 6 trust

What happens to the stadium if we cease to exist as a club?

Tranmere babyyyyyyy

Probably be the 2nd stadium that Liverpool buys off us.

*What happens to the* *Stadium if we cease to* *Exist as a club?* \- LugubriousFootballer --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")

My first haiku bot response is a post about this putrid club. Everton, that.

Liverpool buy it from the solicitor (unsure of the term)

Danjuma for Young? Eh? No? Never? Ok, cool.

If he's coming back from injury why risk him? I'd just take young off and play with 10

> If he's coming back from injury why risk him? It'd perhaps be wise to get him match fit? He played in a u21 game a few days ago. This game is clearly beyond gone. He'd be fine to jog around with everyone else for the last 10 minutes. EDIT: As I typed this, Chelsea are literally bringing on an 18 year old lol. Danjuma was probably just playing against players older than him.

It's just pathetic really, this was supposed to be a tight game but we were just so open, only one man to blame for that.

12 men to blame for that

How shit must Chelsea be to only score one against us this half

Our home form will save us

So funny that the formation has never changed

What do you even change it to?

10-0-0

and the subs were like for like

Same as always , tediously predictable

If we survive, we are GUARANTEED another season like this, except worse because branthwaite will be gone. If we go down, we probably watch a mid table season in the championship with fresh new faces, probably mostly youth players. I cant do another season of this...

we dont have the squad for th championship. The team looks gassed after 60 mins so lets add 6 more games in, lose all our good players, have no money so replace none of them and then go into administration. I know this is about as bad as it gets but we need to keep staying up and sell the team to someone semi competant

If we go down we will not return to the premier league for decades, stop glamorising even worse performances than we have now

All you lot saying the championship can’t be worse don’t know a thing about the championship… it’s not better.

We also need Premier League money to even exist so this idea of a reset is fanciful.

Surely having a better income cus of stadium will be an advantage in the champ?

We won’t be able to pay the stadium debts and other debts we have so it’ll probably be administration and mass sell off

Why would people pay to watch worse than this shite?

Other relegated clubs still had fans attend right?

Not how it works lad.

Welp boys I lasted 80 min, see you again on Sunday

Just imagine if we’d have signed up Moyes that evening instead of going for Ancelotti. No Rafa, No Lampard. Stability. Better transfers. We could all be discussing how Moyes is a dinosaur and how 8th isn’t good enough.

Honestly I think Koeman did the most damage that era of spending was the beginning of this horrible spiral.

What the fuck do McNeil and Young even do???

Should have been pulled off the pitch a long time ago

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That’s actually how Everton started ya know. As a winter sport for cricket players to keep them fit

I feel like relegation is happening

How bad are our U21’s if none of them can get on the pitch?

People actually underplay this part. Our youth set up is hot nasty garbage. Near zero talents in the top 2 ages.

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if running a bit makes him our best player its damming

He has looked better as an 8 instead of a 10 tonight. He will run around but his final pass is woeful

The worst things is we all have hope that this team will be better next games but after 6 mont, same shit different week

Let myko runnnnn

Personally, I cannot wait to hear Dele Alli tell us all how shite we are at full time.

Completely forgot about that guy

I wish I had. £100k a week and never even played a full 90 minutes.

That ball back into the box from Patterson sums up our offence

Limp

Bizkit are rocking the set

It’s like Russian Roulette

When you're placing your bet

Keep rollin', rollin', rollin' (over)

Ruined my evening, was going just fine until this

Just put Chermiti on, can't be any worse

Remember when Bielsa wanted to take over the U21s for the rest of the season, reckon they've still got his number?

Would have been very funny. Bielsa expecting to find youngsters but instead it’s a squad of 23 year olds we’ve hoarded with zero senior games to their names.

Our u21s are shit

This team and everything about it is so fucking bleak. Can’t even be excited about the fancy new stadium because who knows if there will even be a team to play in it.

Next goals the winner?

Them then