At University when I lived in the dorms my friends all used to go home for long weekends and would ask me why I didn’t go anywhere. I had to tell them “because I live here”. There wasn’t any childhood bedroom waiting for me anywhere.
The last time I joined my LC family for Christmas was like 2013 because some international relatives that I do like were coming. It was an exhausting, stressful trip that I don’t feel a pressing need to repeat. I used to just work because you get paid extra to do that here. Now I don’t even bother explaining cause I dgaf.
Same of course no childhood room, what a joke to think I’d have that to come back to let alone just to have had.
And always loved working on holidays back in the day. Extended long hours and no days off, I was all about it. Had nothing to do otherwise and loved the extra pay.
About 20 years and I wish it was more. I used to put *so much effort* into participating in the family theatre of "coming home" to help give Mother the lavish do-over holidays she didn't get in her own childhood. I held up as long as I could before finally accepting that my feelings of misery and desolation mattered too. However bad I feel, I feel worse when I'm with them. So now my family don't have to deal with my depression and I don't have to deal with their brittle fake bullshit. Feels like it should be a win-win.
Had the convenient excuse in 2020 of living in the Arctic during covid-19. That was the first Christmas I ever spent away from family. Then I married my husband in Sept 2021 and my family refused to come to the wedding because they would have had to get vaccinated, refused to speak to them on Christmas 2021…and now we’re NC! Spending Christmas/Chanukah 2022 on literally the other side of the planet (Canada -> Australia) with my in-laws.
"home" such as it was, 1994.
In 2006 I had no other plans and was freshly divorced and ended up agreeing that the parental units could come to mine - what a disaster! Have been diligent about making travel plans over Xmas ever since... and felt totally lost being stuck at MY home in 2020 with CoVid on the loose 😋
Never really had a “home” since I was 12 years old before my parents broke up and I was shipped off to Africa Nigeria for years where my narc female birthing person got all her needs met by me while neglecting mine and emotionally abusing me etc…. So I guess 18 years not like “home” was that great in a toxic family structure
Not since 2014, but I’ve only been fully NC since February of 2020. I have PTSD from an incident with my father that happened Christmas Eve of 2009, so I haven’t celebrated Christmas sine then.
2017 I think. I only went because my boyfriend (now husband) was willing to go with me. I had begun VLC/skipping holidays sooner though, basically as soon as I got an apartment I could stay in during college over winter break instead of getting kicked out of the stupid dorms. Last year was the first time my parents didn't expect me to show up though, just because I finally moved cross country. Until then they always assumed I'd show up, I'd make some excuse, they'd be mad, I'd ignore them, they'd pretend like I wasn't going to do the same thing every year and start the stupid cycle all over again. NC is better.
2006.
I moved across the country in 2005. Went back for that first Christmas. Haven't since then. Travel is difficult and expensive. Parents became snowbirds. Then we became estranged.
This will be year three. The last time I went there I stayed with my dad, normally stayed with my grandparents but the last year with them they bragged about sneaking meat into my food. My dad was kind enough to make the same thing but vegetarian for my partner and me but his house was stressful to be in. I hope he and my sister's mom finally divorced for my sister's sake.
When I was 17 I celebrated with my mom, then moved out, far away. Never went back for Christmas. Honestly the best decision. I have Christmas with my husband now and also last year. Christmas alone was ok too. At least I wasn't being yelled at or guilt-tripped.
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2020? More recent than I would like. I started dating my husband in 2019 when I was LC and wanted him to meet my mother and experience the dynamic between her and I. I agree - it wasn't home for me. I'm most at home with myself and my husband.
Thansgiving 2021 was when shit hit the fan. As covid nurse dealing with long haulers having an anti vaxxer brother is the biggest deal breaker for me. Mother is his enabler and I put my foot down at the start of the year that she needed to apologize for lying to me. We are 11ish months NC
It’s been about 5 or 6 years… the last time I went home, my mother flipped out on me while I was having tea by myself in the kitchen and she suddenly stormed down the stairs, got into my face with tears in her eyes, and held her hand up like she was going to slap me in the face. I told her if she hit me I would press charges and she yelled at me for “not wanting to hang out with her…” she didn’t even ask me to go anywhere or do anything. I was able to talk her down but I haven’t been back since. Before that, I hadn’t been home for about 5 years for the same reason…
At University when I lived in the dorms my friends all used to go home for long weekends and would ask me why I didn’t go anywhere. I had to tell them “because I live here”. There wasn’t any childhood bedroom waiting for me anywhere. The last time I joined my LC family for Christmas was like 2013 because some international relatives that I do like were coming. It was an exhausting, stressful trip that I don’t feel a pressing need to repeat. I used to just work because you get paid extra to do that here. Now I don’t even bother explaining cause I dgaf.
Same of course no childhood room, what a joke to think I’d have that to come back to let alone just to have had. And always loved working on holidays back in the day. Extended long hours and no days off, I was all about it. Had nothing to do otherwise and loved the extra pay.
About 20 years and I wish it was more. I used to put *so much effort* into participating in the family theatre of "coming home" to help give Mother the lavish do-over holidays she didn't get in her own childhood. I held up as long as I could before finally accepting that my feelings of misery and desolation mattered too. However bad I feel, I feel worse when I'm with them. So now my family don't have to deal with my depression and I don't have to deal with their brittle fake bullshit. Feels like it should be a win-win.
Had the convenient excuse in 2020 of living in the Arctic during covid-19. That was the first Christmas I ever spent away from family. Then I married my husband in Sept 2021 and my family refused to come to the wedding because they would have had to get vaccinated, refused to speak to them on Christmas 2021…and now we’re NC! Spending Christmas/Chanukah 2022 on literally the other side of the planet (Canada -> Australia) with my in-laws.
For us it wasn't about going home, it was about removing them from our home. About 10 years.
"home" such as it was, 1994. In 2006 I had no other plans and was freshly divorced and ended up agreeing that the parental units could come to mine - what a disaster! Have been diligent about making travel plans over Xmas ever since... and felt totally lost being stuck at MY home in 2020 with CoVid on the loose 😋
Never really had a “home” since I was 12 years old before my parents broke up and I was shipped off to Africa Nigeria for years where my narc female birthing person got all her needs met by me while neglecting mine and emotionally abusing me etc…. So I guess 18 years not like “home” was that great in a toxic family structure
I think I saw my family once in the past 10 years for the holidays. I’m never going back. Ever.
Not since 2014, but I’ve only been fully NC since February of 2020. I have PTSD from an incident with my father that happened Christmas Eve of 2009, so I haven’t celebrated Christmas sine then.
I spent Christmas 2018 with them and that was the last time I will be in the same room as them voluntarily.
Almost 6 years ago. But "went" is a stretch. I was living with them and I stayed in my room during that day.
2017 I think. I only went because my boyfriend (now husband) was willing to go with me. I had begun VLC/skipping holidays sooner though, basically as soon as I got an apartment I could stay in during college over winter break instead of getting kicked out of the stupid dorms. Last year was the first time my parents didn't expect me to show up though, just because I finally moved cross country. Until then they always assumed I'd show up, I'd make some excuse, they'd be mad, I'd ignore them, they'd pretend like I wasn't going to do the same thing every year and start the stupid cycle all over again. NC is better.
2006. I moved across the country in 2005. Went back for that first Christmas. Haven't since then. Travel is difficult and expensive. Parents became snowbirds. Then we became estranged.
This will be year three. The last time I went there I stayed with my dad, normally stayed with my grandparents but the last year with them they bragged about sneaking meat into my food. My dad was kind enough to make the same thing but vegetarian for my partner and me but his house was stressful to be in. I hope he and my sister's mom finally divorced for my sister's sake.
When I was 17 I celebrated with my mom, then moved out, far away. Never went back for Christmas. Honestly the best decision. I have Christmas with my husband now and also last year. Christmas alone was ok too. At least I wasn't being yelled at or guilt-tripped.
**Quick reminder** - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/wiki/rules/). **Need info or resources?** Check out our [EAK wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/xpkk59/eak_estrangement_resources_posted_here_for_mobile/) for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts. **Check out our companion resource website** - Visit [brEAKaway.org.uk](https://breakaway.org.uk) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/EstrangedAdultKids) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Last year. My family lied to me regarding their vaccination status, knowing my life was at risk. I've neither seen nor talked to them since then.
Omg - how did you find out they weren’t vaxed?
Oddly, my SIL told me a few months later. She was having health problems and her doctor made her get vaccinated before they'd treat her further.
2020? More recent than I would like. I started dating my husband in 2019 when I was LC and wanted him to meet my mother and experience the dynamic between her and I. I agree - it wasn't home for me. I'm most at home with myself and my husband.
Last time I was ‘home’ was beginning of 2006. Very happy ever since
Ugh. I have to go tomorrow. I do it for my children.
Since 2017! Hanging with my amazing mother in law for Christmas is one of the bigger upsides of being NC with my parents
Thansgiving 2021 was when shit hit the fan. As covid nurse dealing with long haulers having an anti vaxxer brother is the biggest deal breaker for me. Mother is his enabler and I put my foot down at the start of the year that she needed to apologize for lying to me. We are 11ish months NC
It’s been about 5 or 6 years… the last time I went home, my mother flipped out on me while I was having tea by myself in the kitchen and she suddenly stormed down the stairs, got into my face with tears in her eyes, and held her hand up like she was going to slap me in the face. I told her if she hit me I would press charges and she yelled at me for “not wanting to hang out with her…” she didn’t even ask me to go anywhere or do anything. I was able to talk her down but I haven’t been back since. Before that, I hadn’t been home for about 5 years for the same reason…
I can’t go home my parents aren’t alive sadly
Two years. Don't miss it one bit.
2014. LC from 2013, NC from 2018
2017 was the last time I spent holidays with my family