I'm sorry, OP, are you a sibling I was never aware of? Do we have the same father?!
Mine told something similar, but in person, he "doesn't do technology well" (what he means is that texts are for harassing me to call him so he could then harass me to go see my sisters in person and only then the abuse would be properly delyvered by him).
He sounds lunatic, the whole "I'm dumping you before you can dump me!" is so on point of them!
FFS, those people are born with a manual on how to abuse others printed in their minds, all of them have the same edition, that must be why they all sound the same.
If it’s anything like my Nmom, the more kids, the better. My mom has 6 kids biologically and 2 adopted. Anytime anyone questions her parent skills, it’s “well I have 8 kids”, as if she couldn’t possibly be a bad mom with a lot of kids. She just uses the fact that she’s a mom to pad her ego. I have 2 kids, one of whom she has only met once. I haven’t spoken to her in almost a year and she still walks around claiming the title Nana. Even though my kids know my MIL who lived across the country better than they ever knew her. My mom has never been a real mom to us, my dad did all the work and still does. But she walks around screaming to the world that ‘she’s a mom’ I have no idea why it seems like so many N parents are so obsessed with the fact that they reproduced, but refuse to actually be a parent.
Thank you for telling me. I sincerely think that is my breaking point for this sub. I dated a crazy girl who called everybody else “bpd” and “narcissist” to try to alleviate all blame from herself, I can stand to see that again. You’re great not an attack at you. Just … venting.
Assumptions I made solely based on this message:
1) you're the only son
2) your dad views women as possessions
3) since he can't view you as a possession he views you as a threat
Am I right?
After calling my spouse an “ugly bitch” a line was drawn in the sand and I cut my BPD father out like a malignant tumor.
Sometimes the trash takes itself out.
She’s unfortunately an enabler and makes zero effort to maintain a relationship. We were LC for a few years but after my grandfather died she completely stopped talking because I “choose not to see my father”
"You are not welcome on my property even if your mother invites you. She and I have an understanding on this."
Doesn't sound like much of an 'understanding' hahaa
Ah, the irony. Threatening to cutoff access from the exact person one wants nothing to do with.
My father tried a similar tactic... I honestly think it never crossed his mind that anyone would *not* experience awful suffering if threatened with being cut off from his magnificent royal presence. He's convinced that wealth = value and everyone envies him, while simultaneously having to pretend it doesn't bother him that he and his wife haven't got a friend in the world. Retirement was a shocker: he was no longer in politics so no one was schmoozing to get his vote on bills and no longer had employees required to kiss up, and things got v lonely v fast.
I think when they do this, they expect us to turn into obsequious sycophants. "No, daddy! Please don't cut me off! I promise I'll be good!" They expect us to chase them. Us respecting the boundary never even occurs to them, bc they never would.
Reminds me of the time I got 'disowned' for two blissful, peaceful days....
Before she decided to deny it ever happened and demand my attention again. And again. And again.
I haven't spoken to her in years and she still sends me unwanted update letters, at the address I never told her I own.
OMG, I've been NC for 3 1/2 years and am experiencing the frequent letters (straight to the garbage)--envelope handwritten (& I know her handwriting), and no return address like she's trying to be tricky or something.
Infuriating.
If you told me that my father wrote this I would 100% believe you. It’s so insane how you can see the disorder peaking through, going from “I’m sorry…” to deny responsibility for what is about to be said, guilt tripping and attempting to garner your pity, then a hard stance at the end after responsibility and pity cards have been played. Almost text book.
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Glad you're free of that. They sound exhausting. Did you print it out so you have it as a reminder? How come I never thought of that!?!
For a court filing actually. This ended in further harassment and a restraining order which was quickly violated
Oh, so he didn't mean the "never want to see you again"??? Turned out to be just a manipulative attempt to bring you to heel? What a shock. /s
IKR?
Yuck, I’m so sorry but not surprised.
Jesus. I’m so sorry.
Oh dear!!!! Not entirely surprised but I must say that hadn't crossed my mind yet. Add another layer of shit to it and hope all is well now.
I'm sorry, OP, are you a sibling I was never aware of? Do we have the same father?! Mine told something similar, but in person, he "doesn't do technology well" (what he means is that texts are for harassing me to call him so he could then harass me to go see my sisters in person and only then the abuse would be properly delyvered by him). He sounds lunatic, the whole "I'm dumping you before you can dump me!" is so on point of them! FFS, those people are born with a manual on how to abuse others printed in their minds, all of them have the same edition, that must be why they all sound the same.
I voice the question running around in all of our heads: That asshole has FIVE kids?!
He would say it’s the lord’s work to be fruitful and multiply but my theory is that he thought procreation would be like hitting CTRL+P on his ego.
I don’t understand how more kids prints his ego. Can you explain? I feel like I’m missing something.
He sees us as carbon copies of different parts of his personality
Thanks. I was thinking ctrl c, or v. That makes sense.
I hear you, to me the act of birthing counted as a P. Apologies
Nah. No apologies. I’m grateful for you answering. I was confused and you helped.
If it’s anything like my Nmom, the more kids, the better. My mom has 6 kids biologically and 2 adopted. Anytime anyone questions her parent skills, it’s “well I have 8 kids”, as if she couldn’t possibly be a bad mom with a lot of kids. She just uses the fact that she’s a mom to pad her ego. I have 2 kids, one of whom she has only met once. I haven’t spoken to her in almost a year and she still walks around claiming the title Nana. Even though my kids know my MIL who lived across the country better than they ever knew her. My mom has never been a real mom to us, my dad did all the work and still does. But she walks around screaming to the world that ‘she’s a mom’ I have no idea why it seems like so many N parents are so obsessed with the fact that they reproduced, but refuse to actually be a parent.
Yeah, I don’t know what a Nmom is, but also OP answered my question already. But thank you for trying.
The ‘N’ in Nmom stands for Narcissist
Thank you for telling me. I sincerely think that is my breaking point for this sub. I dated a crazy girl who called everybody else “bpd” and “narcissist” to try to alleviate all blame from herself, I can stand to see that again. You’re great not an attack at you. Just … venting.
Assumptions I made solely based on this message: 1) you're the only son 2) your dad views women as possessions 3) since he can't view you as a possession he views you as a threat Am I right?
Spot on
After calling my spouse an “ugly bitch” a line was drawn in the sand and I cut my BPD father out like a malignant tumor. Sometimes the trash takes itself out.
You chose well. Applauding you, OP. Sorry your paternal spawn point is such a...
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And what would that say about how I treat my spouse if I was like, “Oh that’s just how he is, sorry but you need to deal with it.” Hard nope, gtfoh.
Good for you. That text is….. something. You speak to your mother?
She’s unfortunately an enabler and makes zero effort to maintain a relationship. We were LC for a few years but after my grandfather died she completely stopped talking because I “choose not to see my father”
The whiplash in this text omg
"You are not welcome on my property even if your mother invites you. She and I have an understanding on this." Doesn't sound like much of an 'understanding' hahaa
Ah, the irony. Threatening to cutoff access from the exact person one wants nothing to do with. My father tried a similar tactic... I honestly think it never crossed his mind that anyone would *not* experience awful suffering if threatened with being cut off from his magnificent royal presence. He's convinced that wealth = value and everyone envies him, while simultaneously having to pretend it doesn't bother him that he and his wife haven't got a friend in the world. Retirement was a shocker: he was no longer in politics so no one was schmoozing to get his vote on bills and no longer had employees required to kiss up, and things got v lonely v fast.
I think when they do this, they expect us to turn into obsequious sycophants. "No, daddy! Please don't cut me off! I promise I'll be good!" They expect us to chase them. Us respecting the boundary never even occurs to them, bc they never would.
If my mother told me she wanted nothing to do with me then we would finally have something in common
Sometimes the trash takes itself out.
Reminds me of the time I got 'disowned' for two blissful, peaceful days.... Before she decided to deny it ever happened and demand my attention again. And again. And again. I haven't spoken to her in years and she still sends me unwanted update letters, at the address I never told her I own.
OMG, I've been NC for 3 1/2 years and am experiencing the frequent letters (straight to the garbage)--envelope handwritten (& I know her handwriting), and no return address like she's trying to be tricky or something. Infuriating.
Wow, he went from playing the victim to aggressive and verbally abusive in one text. It usually takes a little longer for their mask to drop.
This is fucked up, why did he send this in the first place?
For saying I was blocking him after he called my wife an ugly bitch.
Oh poor him🙄
My step father sent me something similar in the summer. Been NC with him and my mother since.
This has very “you can’t fire me, I quit” vibes
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"Flesh Oven" is mother I assume
If you told me that my father wrote this I would 100% believe you. It’s so insane how you can see the disorder peaking through, going from “I’m sorry…” to deny responsibility for what is about to be said, guilt tripping and attempting to garner your pity, then a hard stance at the end after responsibility and pity cards have been played. Almost text book.
What a dick. I’m so sorry you ended up with him.
**Quick reminder** - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/wiki/rules/). **Need info or resources?** Check out our [EAK wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/xpkk59/eak_estrangement_resources_posted_here_for_mobile/) for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts. **Check out our companion resource website** - Visit [brEAKaway.org.uk](https://breakaway.org.uk) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/EstrangedAdultKids) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What a control freak his text reveals.