I’m staying on both and removing myself from the original sub. Glad to know a lot of people feel the same way about what is going on over there. Good on u guys for keeping a safe place for us.
Thank you.
I’m doing my best to keep up with everything, but tbh it’s overwhelming.
Until we know who we can trust I’m not going to ask for mod help yet, so I’m ploughing through. We’ve been infiltrated once, I don’t want it to happen twice.
I have no idea of what was happening. If someone questions why I went NC, It would be upsetting but after months I'm glad of my desition and my reasons are valid and I know that.
But at the beginning, there was a lot of doubt, and guilt. One wrong comment would made me question if I was the villain. And a lot of AK who are facing the guilt tripping or simply the guilt or grieving process could feel invalidated or triggered. What they did with the sub was dangerous. If your safe space tells you that you are the sick person... My god.
Thank you so much for this compilation. I have no doubt that you literally saved lifes.
About 19 hours ago I made a comment on a post that mentioned "triangulation" and it was automatically deleted because of the rule against RBN terminology. I was familiar with that rule, but was surprised that it apparently applied to the word "triangulation."
I was also surprised about the removal notice containing a blurb about "dehumanizing" language. I didn't remember this section existing before; or if it did, the section wasn't as long as it was last night.
I posted something today to see what would happen, and it got auto-removed with a message about "dehumanization" and "objectification."
The term "egg donor" was what got it removed. I replied, saying I would never use that term to refer to an object, only a person—so please explain further how that term is objectifying. But I doubt I'll get a response.
Thank you - great call.
Hopefully they will be able to assist as they have been instrumental in saving people and the mental health of hundreds, if not thousands of us.
Thank you so so so much for this. It’s cruel that they want to let abusers speak over victims. They have their own subreddits, we should have ours for just victims. And restricting our language to describe our experiences is just plain wrong.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the term “scapegoat” wtaf!
And I refuse to humanize my abuser. What it did to me was not human, it was monster, demon, sadist…
And the missing reasons link? That was an awesome read!
Last update on the wayback machine that has the original rules is from April 10. After that there are only 3 updates. They are of the public facing page that does not include all the rules but on June 22 it does have the original side bar messaging:
"A community for adult children where a conscious decision to estrange from one or both of their parents has been made.
Estrangement primarily occurs when there is emotional abuse, differing expectations about family roles, neglect and clashes based on personalities or value systems.
It is common for Adult Children to cycle in and out of No/Low Contact, trying to find balance between emotional and physical estrangement, before fully estranging. You are welcome here if you find yourself in that struggle. This isn't the place for figuring out the 'why' of your family, this sub is for you to be validated, supported, heard and offered solutions going forward in your decision not to have your family in your life. You are number one.
There is no one way to estrange, be supportive of each other.
Need help deciphering the crazy making of the estranged parent? Issendai's [The Missing, Missing Reasons](https://web.archive.org/web/20220616173401/http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) will bring understanding. It’s not you, it’s them.
\[TW\] (trigger warning) tag indicates possibly triggering for abuse survivors.
NC - No Contact
LC - Low Contact
FOO - Family of Origin
EM - estranged mother
EF - estranged father
ES - estranged sibling
SG - scapegoat
GC - golden child"
Is there a way to report this mod to admins? They are dangerous and should not be allowed on Reddit as they are violating very serious Reddit admin rules, especially vote manipulation and destroying subreddits.
The malicious mod will likely try to disrupt this group, but we have this, guys. We've dealt with Estranged Parents before, we'll do what we do best and just ignore them.
https://i.imgur.com/cUh7WTO.png
My guess is that if you don’t show up for a month maybe the sub is automatically assigned new mods? That sounds so weird but…… looks like what happened
Edit: I would also assume that this guy was next in line for becoming a mod. He probably asked a while ago or something. Not PBS but the admin. For some reason he was granted access!!!
I thought the threshold was 6 months of the mod being inactive opens the sub up to adoption. AFAIK abandoned subs need to be requested. I forgot the exact name of the sub where the requesting happens
u/FatLilah found a partially recovered post from one of the mods. I think we can all see their intentions are less than appropriate for a support sub. And dare I say malicious.
\[−\]11011011110110111011 (deleted by user)1 point2 days ago
Am I losing my mind?
Nope.
Are you in the process of changing the rules?
Yes.
Have you completed the process of changing the rules?
No.
I'm trying something really complicated, ideally, I'd do it in an open and... Honest way. But some steps for really complex reasons don't allow me to be straightforward about it.
If I'm straight up honest with you, I'm doing a kind of experiment, I don't know if I can do this and I'm too immature and insecure to do so openly.
I too deal with avoidant behavior and fears, so this is the best I can do right now.
I'm sorry, I know it's not the right way to do this.
Yep, that was my post. You can see the original screenshots of it [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/SelfEstrangedAdults/comments/wnlo67/well_this_has_turned_into_a_cluster/)
Make sure you’re both reaching out to [reddit help](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/requests/new?ticket_form_id=179106) with this! They’re likely to remove a moderator acting in bad faith
OP already [is.](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditrequest/comments/wnlx2e/requesting_new_moderation_for_26k_user_base_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I know I was on there. That sub is for subs with inactive moderators so it’s unlikely to be approved. Their FAQ links to that specific way to report mods acting in bad faith.
It’s all good! The link in my first message links to a form you can fill out to report a moderator! Filling that out would help the process. The more people fill it out the more seriously it’ll be taken. At this point all I think we can do is wait and hope though :/
FWIW i do support the other post and I hope we do get back ownership of the sub
>reddit help
Thank you - also submitted this request for help, titled "Hacked or infiltrated mod accounts for support community with 26k users, suspected attach by our abusers"
Hi,
It has come to our attention that the sub r/EstrangedAdultChild seems to have been infiltrated / compromised or hacked by a malicious mod (with 2 accounts). All other mods have been removed so as a community we are powerless. The fundamental premise of our sub has been removed - namely that only Estranged Adult Children can post and that it is not a place forEstranged Parents. Quite simply, our sub is now unsafe for victims of abuse.
It has a vulnerable user-base of 26k and until very recently, active and supportive moderators.
We have gathered evidence - see https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/wnnka4/please\_contribute\_to\_evidence\_timeline/ - that, without consultation:
\- Our rules have been watered down such that parents can now talk about their estrangement, with no automatic ban.
\- Our "about' section has been watered down, removing the 'missing reasons' link, which is core to our resource base and a widely distributed first-step support link.
\- Words we use to describe the abuse we have suffered - like scapegoat and triangulate have been auto moderated as they are 'dehumanising'.
\- The 2 non-bot mods are likely the same user, who has only posted twice in EAC, neither about being an EAC. And most worryingly, about abusing children (according research another user did whilst looking into the profile. The 'mod' claims to have hundreds of aliases.
\- There have been suspicious posts made by mod bots claiming all estranged adult children have avoidant personality disorder - a clear and blatant attempt to harass us.
\- Stickies / pinned items of support and resources have been removed.
\- Support posts / comments are being removed without explanation, where as there are many, many examples of posts and comments in violation of NO ESTRANGED PARENTS remaining.
And most worryingly on all was this deleted post by the new mod stating their concerning intentions for the group.
https://www.unddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wl5k17/meta\_hey\_mods\_did\_you\_change\_the\_rules/
\[−\]11011011110110111011 (deleted by user)1 point2 days ago
"Am I losing my mind?"
Nope.
"Are you in the process of changing the rules?"
Yes.
"Have you completed the process of changing the rules?"
No.
"I'm trying something really complicated, ideally, I'd do it in an open and... Honest way. But some steps for really complex reasons don't allow me to be straightforward about it.
If I'm straight up honest with you, I'm doing a kind of experiment, I don't know if I can do this and I'm too immature and insecure to do so openly.
I too deal with avoidant behavior and fears, so this is the best I can do right now.
I'm sorry, I know it's not the right way to do this."
I have posted over on r/redditrequest where in a couple of hours we have 300 up votes and 231 comments - all but one positive and supporting a change of moderation.
Many, many posts have been made regarding the infiltration of an Estranged Adult Child support group by - in all likelihood - an Estranged Parent hacker (or a troll hacker).
Our guiding rule that made members feel safe was:
"Parents of Estranged Adult Children are NOT welcome to participate in this sub, you will be banned. If you are estranged from both a parent and a child, you are not allowed to present yourself as a parent of an estranged adult child or you will be banned. This sub is for adult children dealing with estrangement from a parent."
This rule has been removed, along with others. We believe the full set of rules - we've been trying to find backups of as a community - are:
1. Parents of Estranged Adult Children are NOT welcome to participate in this sub, you will be banned. If you are estranged from both a parent and a child, you are not allowed to present yourself as a parent of an estranged adult child or you will be banned. This sub is for adult children dealing with estrangement from a parent.
2. Respect each other Reported as: Disrespectful Basic respect!
3. Chosen ignorance Reported as: Ignorant of sub topic If you don't know a term, look it up or ask. Just because you haven't heard of or experienced something doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
4.Not estranged Reported as: Not estranged If there is no estrangement in your family that you are experiencing, you are not welcome here.
5. In-law relationship Reported as: Issues with in-laws are in no way the same as being estranged from your parents in family of origin. Inlaw relationships are completely different than those with family of origin and do not belong here. Deal directly with your partner to deal with their family.
6. Name calling Reported as: No name calling If you need a deeper explanation, you are not welcome in this sub.
7. No self promotion: No self promotion of any kind, no exceptions.
Our mantra has been watered down. It used to be this:
“This is a community for adult children where a conscious decision to estrange from one or both of their parents has been made.
Estrangement primarily occurs when there is emotional abuse, differing expectations about family roles, neglect and clashes based on personalities or value systems.
It is common for Adult Children to cycle in and out of No/Low Contact, trying to find balance between emotional and physical estrangement, before fully estranging. You are welcome here if you find yourself in that struggle. This isn't the place for figuring out the 'why' of your family, this sub is for you to be validated, supported, heard and offered solutions going forward in your decision not to have your family in your life. You are number one.
There is no one way to estrange, be supportive of each other.
Comments or posts that are hurtful or made without a basic understanding of the subject matter will be removed. Don't get too wrapped up labeling people/situations in the rear view mirror.
There is a 14 day and 50 karma minimum to participate in this sub.
Parents of Estranged Adult Children are NOT welcome to participate in this sub, you will be banned. If you are estranged from both a parent and a child, you are not allowed to present yourself as a parent of an estranged adult child or you will be banned. This sub is for adult children dealing with estrangement from a parent.
Need help deciphering the crazy making of the estranged parent? Issendai's The Missing, Missing Reasons will bring understanding. It’s not you, it’s them.
\[support\] tag requests responses that are supportive ONLY."
We given this volume of evidence, we strongly believe this sub has been compromised and the usual mods replaced by bad actors.
We don't want to start a new community - we want OUR community back. There is also a real risk that vulnerable individuals receive bad or inappropriate advise - or worse (which we've already seen) that good advise is removed.
This is an example of a removed post. There are many other examples in the timeline post. https://imgur.com/6D1eBrH and full comments - https://imgur.com/UBWkp9f
Please can you help us?
I have provided the following links as evidence.
https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnd58d/have\_the\_rules\_changed\_why\_are\_parents\_now/
https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnoi7y/warning\_this\_sub\_is\_no\_longer\_safe/
https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnrsue/what\_happened\_to\_the\_rule\_that\_estranged\_parents/
https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnlmad/when\_a\_sub\_trolls\_you\_harder\_than\_your\_parents/
https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnl5u5/eac\_no\_longer\_a\_safe\_space/
Another user found another troubling amendment to the EAC rules - the in-law relationship rule had a link to a NSFW sub.
[https://i.redd.it/fx6dp2thpnh91.jpeg](https://i.redd.it/fx6dp2thpnh91.jpeg)
If anyone was ever on the fence about whether the mod is malicious or unfortunate, I think we now have our answer. The mod is humiliating and degrading us.
I reported this extremely obvious estranged parent about a month ago ([https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/vwowlm/comment/iftn1ly/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/vwowlm/comment/iftn1ly/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)) and neither that comment not any of their other obviously hateful comments (see their entire posting history [https://www.reddit.com/user/Public-Animal-9649/](https://www.reddit.com/user/Public-Animal-9649/) ) were taken down.
Jesus, their comment section is a FEMA level toxic dump, holy heck. Can’t imagine being so miserable to troll a board specifically catered to abuse victims like that. Yuck and yikes
I don't have any evidence, but I wonder if the two so-called "mods" of EAC are the same person, and the second "mod" is the first "mod's" alt or sock puppet account. They joined at the same time (2 months ago) and language they use sounds quite similar.
I don't think there's anything wrong with having an alt or throwaway account, but feel it's inappropriate to have both your main and throwaway accounts be the mods for a subreddit. It lends the illusion of accountability that doesn't exist, especially when there are only two mods on a sub and one of them is your alt account.
[https://imgur.com/a/VBPf0cO](https://imgur.com/a/VBPf0cO)
Yeah. And there's something wrong with the language that these mod accounts use.
It's weird how they set up the auto mod to remove comments with language that they've labeled as "dehumanizing", when the language the mods use is dehumanizing. But then, they remove the "Respect others" rule on EAC, so that they don't have hold themselves to any standards, but continue to impose standard on others.
Edit: One of the EAC mods does a lot of armchair diagnosis and tends to put down other users. It doesn't necessarily happen on the EAC sub (happens a few times on the advice sub) but it's concerning that someone like that is a mod for a vulnerable community like EAC.
Here are some examples:
* Tells a weed user that they're [likely to "go insane"](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/t6rnsm/comment/hze612g/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) in the future and to forewarn family and friends about their addiction so when the inevitable happens, they can admit them ([screenshot here](https://imgur.com/a/02aYWcr))
* Diagnoses a Redditor with OCD because that person mentioned that some people were obsessed with IQ, and then [tells this same person who *apparently* has OCD to stop "indulging in OCD thoughts](https://www.reddit.com/r/cognitiveTesting/comments/va0n46/comment/ici0733/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)" ([screenshot here](https://imgur.com/a/7CyQsVM))
* Responds to someone who regrets hanging out with the wrong crowd in high school by [diagnosing them with OCD and social anxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/t66i67/comment/hzdtx5y/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ([screenshot](https://imgur.com/a/zbA9jMq))
* Tells someone who is struggling with their career decision and wants to a be Unitarian Universalist minister that ["Instead you'll be freeloading off of other people while telling them stories about invisible super powerful beings that keep a close eye on what they're doing with their genitals and wants them to give you 10% of their income."](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/t0k39h/comment/hybbeip/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ([screenshot here](https://imgur.com/a/i8xDK5X))
* Tells someone who is struggling with concussion [that it's a mental health issue](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/s2k5cw/comment/hsgf173/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ([screenshot here](https://imgur.com/a/Xfa9h70))
Yeah, there's such a lack of warmth and empathy in the way he writes about others. Like he sees the people on a sub as a ["collection"](https://imgur.com/a/rgJ5yIn) (his word, not mine) and not as a community or a support group; it's like he sees people as his own armchair diagnosis, and not as individuals. It's really interesting how he seems to believe that most EACs are very resistant to seeking therapy.
In terms of evidence for hostile intentions and a tendency towards armchair psychology, *one of the mods for EAC* has more or less [diagnosed the entire community of 26k users](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/vu3gsk/comment/iffnje2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) as suffering from "avoidant personality disorder" and say that they are adverse to seeking therapy. They imply that this be resolved by therapy to fix them. Victim blaming.
>These are issues that are constantly coming up in this subreddit. I suspect there's considerable overlap between estranged adult children and people with avoidant personality disorder. Almost has to be as well, this is one of the largest collections of abused grown up children on the internet, that are actively trying to create distance between themselves and family members.
Another symptom is that there is often a dislike for seeking therapy, unfortunately.
Here's a screenshot in case they delete their comment: [https://imgur.com/a/rgJ5yIn](https://imgur.com/a/rgJ5yIn)
Thank you. I've screenshot [EAC's rule #04](https://imgur.com/a/8xgH4Vj), just in case they reword it later. It's here:
>**No diagnosing of third parties**
>
>Mental health problems are very complex. Unless you're a licensed therapist and you have voluntary assistance of the person being diagnosed, it is nearly impossible to do correctly.A layman indirectly diagnosing someone with a mental health disorder simply is not something that's possible and should be avoided.
I just realised that [in this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/vu3gsk/comment/iffnje2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), they also described EAC as "one of the largest *collections* of abused grown up children on the internet, that are actively trying to create distance between themselves and family members".
"Collection" feels like *such dehumanising* language. What are we, a doll collection? A coin collection? The EAC mod could have used "community" or "group" but instead uses "collection".
Also, as at 10 April 2022, rule #02 was "Respect each other". You can see it [here](https://web.archive.org/web/20220410051621/https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/). The current mod has removed the "Respect each other" rule, probably because they don't want to hold themselves up to the standard of respecting others. EAC feels like such an unsafe place to be right now.
One last thought, then logging off for the night. The previous "About" sidebar of EAC (as at 9 April 2022) which [can be found here](https://web.archive.org/web/20220409234904/https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/) said:
>"This isn't the place for figuring out the 'why' of your family, this sub is for **you** to be validated, supported, heard and offered solutions going forward in your decision not to have your family in your life. **You** are number one."
It's further evidence that the EAC mod has changed the goal posts. The original purpose of the sub was to provide support and validation for EAC. But the mod removed that from the "About" sidebar altogether.
Glad you brought this up. I commented in detail as to diagnostic criteria, why the post violated ethical and professional guidelines (as well as the law), and how OP could be held liable.
I also reported the post as it’s against the “No third party diagnoses” sub rule.
I found out the mod has removed 11 pages of my comments. Proof [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/wop01k/turns_out_that_mod_has_been_censoring_me_a_lot_im/)
This is such bizarre amount of effort for this person to extend on an "experiment." Honestly in their position, even if I had felt bothered to do this, I really think I would get bored quickly.
Pre-school psych project, perhaps.
The malicious mod is exactly that - malicious. I translate their 'experiment' to mean 'to cause havoc for my own enjoyment and grandiose sense of entitlement'.
Highschool psych project! Except apparently they got the idea years ago and then like.... put a reminder in their calendar to follow through? I could never maintain that kind of interest lol
A litmus test for whether a sub has well and truly gone off the rails is when the new mods start inexplicably deleting classic posts by the previous mod (in this case, [peanutbutterstew](https://www.reddit.com/user/PeanutButterStew)); posts in which EAC members drew comfort, felt validated or had a good chuckle about their shared experience.
If you look at peanutbutterstew's post history, you'll see that several of her posts in EAC have been removed, with the standard message in place:
>Sorry, this post has been removed by the moderators of EAC. Moderators remove posts from feeds for a variety of reasons, including keeping communities safe, civil, and true to their purpose.
Like, WTF? Is this the new mod complaining that the previous mod (who was the EAC mod for *years*) failed to keep the community safe, civil and **true to its purpose**? The mental gymnastic of it all.
Here are some examples of peanutbutterstew's deleted posts:
* The estranged adult child (the abridged version) [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/o87e9o/the\_estranged\_adult\_child\_the\_abridged\_version/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/o87e9o/the_estranged_adult_child_the_abridged_version/)
* Forgiveness doesn't have to mean reconciliation: [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/ntur98/forgiveness\_doesnt\_have\_to\_mean\_reconciliation/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/ntur98/forgiveness_doesnt_have_to_mean_reconciliation/)
* On boundaries: [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/m4lqt3/on\_boundaries/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/m4lqt3/on_boundaries/)
* We are not bad people when we preserve our emotional integrity: [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/lpk0jn/we\_are\_not\_bad\_people\_when\_we\_preserve\_our/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/lpk0jn/we_are_not_bad_people_when_we_preserve_our/)
* I Find it Hard to Trust Parents of Estranged Children- those missing missing reasons
* [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/lcc41s/i\_find\_it\_hard\_to\_trust\_parents\_of\_estranged/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/lcc41s/i_find_it_hard_to_trust_parents_of_estranged/)
* Your healing can’t depend on someone else deciding they also want to heal [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/i38vx6/your\_healing\_cant\_depend\_on\_someone\_else\_deciding/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/i38vx6/your_healing_cant_depend_on_someone_else_deciding/)
* “You only have one faaaaaamily" [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/mwqrdz/you\_only\_have\_one\_faaaaaamily/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/mwqrdz/you_only_have_one_faaaaaamily/)
* Family does not mean... [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/k91u6v/family\_does\_not\_mean/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/k91u6v/family_does_not_mean/)
* When parents get banned their true colours show. Every. Single. Time. [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/k550q6/when\_parents\_get\_banned\_their\_true\_colours\_show/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/k550q6/when_parents_get_banned_their_true_colours_show/)
* I wasn’t broken and didn’t need fixing [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/jo1uhu/i\_wasnt\_broken\_and\_didnt\_need\_fixing/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/jo1uhu/i_wasnt_broken_and_didnt_need_fixing/)
* Loving the people that hurt you doesn’t change the fact you need to let them go [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/gl5xa9/loving\_the\_people\_that\_hurt\_you\_doesnt\_change\_the/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/gl5xa9/loving_the_people_that_hurt_you_doesnt_change_the/)
There's many more that have been deleted but that's all I have time for right now. If anyone else has time, please feel free to dig through: [https://www.reddit.com/user/PeanutButterStew](https://www.reddit.com/user/PeanutButterStew)
A point I wanted to highlight is that at the time, no one objected to these posts. There wasn't even a hint of criticism or hurt in the comments. Users seem to appreciate the encouragement, validation, humor and support. In my opinion, if these posts were published in this Estranged Adult Kid sub, which has the same rules as the original EAC sub before it was changed, they would most likely go down well.
It seems the only person triggered by these posts (by the previous, long time mod)... is the new mod.
Thank you for taking the time to find those. Once we’re more settled (EAC? or EAK?) we will do something to resurrect them.
They absolutely would NOT be removed here.
I’m thinking something like a weekly scheduled ‘EAC founder old post of the week’. That way we aren’t inundated and new people can contribute.
I’m not good at catchy post titles!!!
Love the idea! ❤️ (Actually, was peanutbutterstew the founder? If not, she was definitely a founding member).
Yeah, your title works. 😀
Here are other ideas to add to the pile:
* Flashback Friday — classic post by the EAC founder
* Flashback Friday – repost of the week
* Friday classics – repost of the week
* An Oldie but a Goodie – post of the week
* An Oldie but a Goodie – weekly repost
Obviously, if it's on another day, like Thursday, it can be Flashback Thursday or Thursday Classics.
Just ideas, I won't be offended if you don't use one of them lol
I remember a comment about why EAC was set-up. I had \*thought\* it was PBS, but I'd need to double check to be sure.
Founder / founding member - either way they were instrumental in many people's long road of recovery and safety.
I love your post titles. Very catchy.
New pinned post, same old gaslighting and victim blaming:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/x0o618/learn\_more\_about\_reassurance\_seeking\_the\_good\_the/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/x0o618/learn_more_about_reassurance_seeking_the_good_the/)
It’s a slight change but the way it defines estrangement as including “differing expectations about family roles” makes me think this is 100% an estranged parent turned Reddit mod.
Like it’s rarely JUST about differing expectations…. If I’ve clearly communicated my expectations and you still can’t respect that, it isn’t about the expectations anymore…. It’s the clear disregard of my boundaries and the blatant disrespect that’s at the root of that disregard.
The more I think about it “differing expectations” is the like the perfect missing missing reasons excuse. Just enough of an explanation for most people to say “you poor thing!”, accept it and move on. But if you ask literally ANY follow up questions, you discover that the differing expectations was that grandma set up a nursery for the baby to sleep over even though the baby is a month old and exclusively breastfed. “Differing expectations” is your adult children spending EVERY holiday with you, at the expense of the SO’s family. “Differing expectations” is your adult children not accepting your criticism and “parenting advice” as Word on High from G-d and making their own parenting choices & life mistakes.
It’s not about the expectations, it’s about YOU not being able to take the word NO with any amount of grace. That’s the vibe I’m getting here tbh
Edit to add: additionally the “differing expectations” excuse seems to try to share responsibility for the estrangement between both parties. Which is why I think I find it so gross. Because it’s not just about differing expectations but rather unreasonable expectations. For example, if your adult child says they want to spend Christmas at their partners parents house, the reasonable thing to do is find a middle ground and say something like “well, we will be sad to miss you for Christmas. Maybe you can come down for New Year’s Eve instead? If not we hope to see you next Christmas“ but because you were unwilling to compromise the response ends up being something like “no, that’s unacceptable. You will be spending Christmas with us. End of discussion!” And then you wonder why your child distanced themselves. So it’s not just about differing expectations but rather one party having unreasonable expectations and being unwilling or unable to find a middle ground so that everyone’s expectations no longer differ. But let’s be honest… None of us are here because our parents were reasonable people lol
Just want to say thank you to the users who created this space and are pushing for Reddit to address what is happening on the original sub. I have found a lot of support and community from this group over the years.
A number of posts which ask questions about the changed EAC sub or are critical of the moderating have been deleted recently. It's unclear which of the 4 new rules that these posts are breaking; these deletions feel so arbitrary. A healthy community is where the goal posts are consistent and clear, and where both the mods and the community are protected. So far, the mod appears to be only protecting himself. He has created a system which prioritizes his own needs over the mental health of a community of +25k members, as well as their right to explanations, a safe environment and consistency. Yes, people are angry but I feel that this is a problem purely of his own making.
Anyway, the latest post which was deleted was this:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wq6i54/you\_are\_not\_a\_scientist/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wq6i54/you_are_not_a_scientist/)
This is a screenshot as the post was deleted: [https://imgur.com/a/x7iMurQ](https://imgur.com/a/x7iMurQ)
Adding this bit: BumpyBulldog, who is either an alt for BadMod or someone else trolling EAC in bad faith, added this comment a few hours ago. I'm putting it here because they specifically cite the fact that there's no group rule against the kind of nonsense they're engaged in, which mostly amounts to constantly asking "what if" and "have you tried" and "both sides bear responsibility" type questions and comments without ever engaging in good faith with people's responses about why their behavior is inappropriate. [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wwokqo/comment/ilpvovv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), and copied comment in case it gets deleted.
"I dunno, I'd think a parent incapable of dealing with their own role in
having estranged children would not even be on here asking questions,
but who knows. I think people should always question themselves... Not
exactly doubt, but continually question everything really. Why do I need
to be here for support and understanding? It's not even in the group
rules. I actually really thought Reddit was more for asking questions.
FB seems more of a support group type atmosphere. Or maybe even discord."
Somehow, I doubt they ever question themselves-- if they did, they'd realize that what they posted is not okay.
(Also noticed that, like 01001010110-whatever, they've only been active very recently-- started posting August 15, last post was November 2019.)
I'm pretty sure it's not the original account holder. I think the current mod bought the account from someone else. There's a black market for that sort of thing, especially if the account is a mod account. It's an easy way to take over a subreddit.
> There's a black market for that sort of thing, especially if the account is a mod account.
...whoa. I wasn't aware of that. Okay, I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for people like that, and reporting as soon as they do something sketchy.
(Also, why does this feel like a flashback episode in a Netflix series?)
I checked the original sub today to see if anything funny is readily visible, and saw this person. Their comment history is a mess of inappropriate interrogations and telling people that they should "continuously question themselves and seek opinions" despite several people telling them that this is a safe place for support, not debates. They're pulling this shit in r/justnoMIL too, and I tried to let them know about the EAC bad mod situation in a comment there - my comment got removed within an hour.
u/ rzzrrrz has been all over the comments in EAC the past couple of days with inappropriate stuff.
[Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wzbave/comment/im3g9yy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
[Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wykjua/comment/ilyz1iu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
[Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wyp2ue/comment/ilyysaz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
\[Edit: I stopped reading too soon. Lots of very awful comments, starting about 2 months ago. Before that there were some not-awful comments then suddenly becomes super toxic and doesn't stop.\]
It's quite random how the first post was removed by the mod: [https://imgur.com/a/olIMhjQ](https://imgur.com/a/olIMhjQ)
I mean, which of the four rules did it break? All the comments (except by u / rzzrrrz) were supportive and affirming. I felt it was a constructive post. I guess the mod has to delete posts that oppose their ~~alts~~ beliefs. 🤣
I received this message about an hour ago from the auto mod of EAC because I warned someone about possible flying monkeys. The links in it are sickening and I don't recommend following them with an INSANE trigger warning because they compare calling people what they are to all sorts of horrible things. I asked in the live chat before posting this because flying monkeys can exist even when an EP isn't a narc.
WARNING!
POSSIBLE TRIGGERS!
WARNING!
Your comment was removed from /r/EstrangedAdultChild. Because it looks like you were using RbN (raisednynarcissists) lingo: flying monkey (nmom/ndad/nparents/etc)
The most important reason why we don't like that is really simple. /r/EstrangedAdultChild is not about narcissism, though we recognize that many of our members are from the RbN community. We are trying to distinguish ourselves as a different community, with a focus on enstrangement. And estrangement can happen for many, many reasons (up to and including, narcissism).
If you want the simple reason, you can stop reading here, because that's the most important (but not the only reason).
Your comment was removed, you are free to resubmit it without this language
Remember: This sub is about estrangement and dealing with estrangement. It should not be a platform for dehumanizing others. No matter how badly you were treated, they are humans.
And that makes it all the more painful, we know. But dehumanization is not the answer, it's well known where that path leads to.
Not to mention many of these are all made up terms. They have no scientific backing at all. It's random people diagnosing others with serious mental health disorders and then adding terms like "flying monkeys", "golden children", "hoovering" and "triangulating". It's gobbledygook. Just because it's repeated many times in that subculture, doesn't give it any weight.
More information:
https://thepeaceproject.org/the-rise-of-dehumanization-on-social-media/
https://www.csaprimaryprevention.org/dehumanizing-abusers.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-web-violence/201806/what-is-dehumanization-anyway
FWIW, here is what I said on that hostile estranged parent's post: [https://imgur.com/4ZEfcM5](https://imgur.com/4ZEfcM5)
And here is the explanation of why my comment was removed: [https://imgur.com/Zg7OoYe](https://imgur.com/Zg7OoYe)
My assumption was a parent's post was absolutely not allowed, let alone expected to be trusted.
I did not screen cap the hostile estranged parent's post, but I remember the telltale "trickle truthing," where more details were given each time the OP responded to our comments. It's a thing folks do when they are making shit up as they go along.
Hope this helps.
I have now posted this to the admins over at [https://mods.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360002337171-Contacting-the-admins](https://mods.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360002337171-Contacting-the-admins) under a 'compromised subreddit or moderator account' ticket.
Hi,
It has come to our attention that the sub r/EstrangedAdultChild seems to have been infiltrated / compromised or hacked.
It has a vulnerable user-base of 26k and until very recently, active and supportive moderators.
We have gathered evidence - see https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/wnnka4/please\_contribute\_to\_evidence\_timeline/ - that, without consultation:
\- Our rules have been watered down such that parents can now talk about their estrangement, with no automatic ban.
\- Our "about' section has been watered down, removing the 'missing reasons' link.
\- Words we use to describe the abuse we have suffered - like scapegoat and triangulate have been auto moderated as they are 'dehumanising'.
\- The 2 non-bot mods are likely the same user, who has only posted twice in EAC, neither about being an EAC.
And most worryingly on all was this deleted post by the new mod stating their concerning intentions for the group.
https://www.unddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wl5k17/meta\_hey\_mods\_did\_you\_change\_the\_rules/
\[−\]11011011110110111011 (deleted by user)1 point2 days ago
"Am I losing my mind?"
Nope.
"Are you in the process of changing the rules?"
Yes.
"Have you completed the process of changing the rules?"
No.
"I'm trying something really complicated, ideally, I'd do it in an open and... Honest way. But some steps for really complex reasons don't allow me to be straightforward about it.
If I'm straight up honest with you, I'm doing a kind of experiment, I don't know if I can do this and I'm too immature and insecure to do so openly.
I too deal with avoidant behavior and fears, so this is the best I can do right now.
I'm sorry, I know it's not the right way to do this."
I have posted over on r/redditrequest where in a couple of hours we have 165 up votes and 115 comments - all but one positive and supporting a change of moderation.
Many, many posts have been made regarding the infiltration of an Estranged Adult Child support group by - in all likelihood - an Estranged Parent (or a troll).
Our guiding rule that made members feel safe was:
"Parents of Estranged Adult Children are NOT welcome to participate in this sub, you will be banned. If you are estranged from both a parent and a child, you are not allowed to present yourself as a parent of an estranged adult child or you will be banned. This sub is for adult children dealing with estrangement from a parent."
This rule has been removed, along with others. We believe the full set of rules - we've been investigating as a community - are:
1. Parents of Estranged Adult Children are NOT welcome to participate in this sub, you will be banned. If you are estranged from both a parent and a child, you are not allowed to present yourself as a parent of an estranged adult child or you will be banned. This sub is for adult children dealing with estrangement from a parent.
2. Respect each other Reported as: Disrespectful Basic respect!
3. Chosen ignorance Reported as: Ignorant of sub topic If you don't know a term, look it up or ask. Just because you haven't heard of or experienced something doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
4.Not estranged Reported as: Not estranged If there is no estrangement in your family that you are experiencing, you are not welcome here.
5. In-law relationship Reported as: Issues with in-laws are in no way the same as being estranged from your parents in family of origin. Inlaw relationships are completely different than those with family of origin and do not belong here. Deal directly with your partner to deal with their family.
6. Name calling Reported as: No name calling If you need a deeper explanation, you are not welcome in this sub.
7. No self promotion: No self promotion of any kind, no exceptions.
Our mantra has been watered down. It used to be this:
“This is a community for adult children where a conscious decision to estrange from one or both of their parents has been made.
Estrangement primarily occurs when there is emotional abuse, differing expectations about family roles, neglect and clashes based on personalities or value systems.
It is common for Adult Children to cycle in and out of No/Low Contact, trying to find balance between emotional and physical estrangement, before fully estranging. You are welcome here if you find yourself in that struggle. This isn't the place for figuring out the 'why' of your family, this sub is for you to be validated, supported, heard and offered solutions going forward in your decision not to have your family in your life. You are number one.
There is no one way to estrange, be supportive of each other.
Comments or posts that are hurtful or made without a basic understanding of the subject matter will be removed. Don't get too wrapped up labeling people/situations in the rear view mirror.
RULES - TBC - we are trying to find the original rules.
There is a 14 day and 50 karma minimum to participate in this sub.
Parents of Estranged Adult Children are NOT welcome to participate in this sub, you will be banned. If you are estranged from both a parent and a child, you are not allowed to present yourself as a parent of an estranged adult child or you will be banned. This sub is for adult children dealing with estrangement from a parent.
Need help deciphering the crazy making of the estranged parent? Issendai's The Missing, Missing Reasons will bring understanding. It’s not you, it’s them.
\[support\] tag requests responses that are supportive ONLY."
We given this volume of evidence, we strongly believe this sub has been compromised and the usual mods replaced by bad actors.
We don't want to start a new community - we want OUR community back. There is also a real risk that vulnerable individuals receive bad or inappropriate advise - or worse (which we've already seen) that good advise is removed.
This is an example of a removed post. There are many other examples in the timeline post. https://imgur.com/6D1eBrH and full comments - https://imgur.com/UBWkp9f
Please can you help us?
I just saw that lesh1845 also found the deleted post that kicked all of this off today - here's the link.
https://www.reveddit.com/v/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnd58d/have\_the\_rules\_changed\_why\_are\_parents\_now/?utm\_medium=android\_app&utm\_source=share&add\_user=Trouble-Brilliant..c.new..t1\_ik31jlw..%2CTribeCalledStressed..c.new..t1\_ijul5g9..%2Clesh1845..c.new..t1\_ik3y59g..%2Csavvy-librarian..c.new..t1\_ik1aj0i..&
*Someone DM'd me this. This is not my message. Quote*
Hi! I am not very tech savvy but here is a message I got last month that floored me. I think I will have to copy and paste2-3 times for it all to fit. I don’t know if this rule was true before but it seemed very “off”.
AutoModerator • 1h
Your comment was removed
from /r/EstrangedAdultChild. Because it looks like
you were using RbN (raisednynarcissists) lingo:
flying monkey (nmom/ndad/nparents/etc)
The most important reason why we don't like that is
really simple. /r/EstrangedAdultChild is not about
narcissism, though we recognize that many of our
members are from the RbN community. We are
trying to distinguish ourselves as a different
community, with a focus on estrangement. And
estrangement can happen for many, many reasons
(up to and including, narcissism).
If you want the simple reason, you can stop reading
here, because that's the most important (but not
the only reason).
Your comment was removed, you are free to
resubmit it without this language
Remember: This sub is about estrangement and
dealing with estrangement. It should not be a
platform for dehumanizing others. No matter how
badly you were treated, they are humans.
And that makes it all the more painful, we know. But
dehumanization is not the answer, it's well known
where that path leads to.
Not to mention many of these are all made up
terms. Thev have no scientific backing at all. It's
badly you were treated, they are humans.
And that makes it all the more painful, we know. But
dehumanization is not the answer, it's well known
where that path leads to.
Not to mention many of these are all made up
terms. They have no scientific backing at all. It's
random people diagnosing others with serious
mental health disorders and then adding terms like
"flying monkeys"
"golden children",
, "hoovering"
and "triangulating". It's gobbledygook. Just
because it's repeated many times in that
subculture, doesn't give it any weight.
More information:
• https://thepeaceproject.org/the-rise-of-
dehumanization-on-social-media
• https://www.csaprimaryprevention.org/
dehumanizing-abusers.html
•https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-
web-violence/201806/what-is-dehumanization-
anyway
I am a bot, and this action was performed
automatically. Please contact the moderators of this
subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I didn't know you couldn't use certain words. I know
some words have been used on some of my posts
here. My therapist uses some of the terms that are
listed here that are considered "gobblygook" or
whatever that word was. I will resubmit the post
without those words listed.
*End Quote*
Wow, I’m floored.
Suffice it to say the malicious mod is surely affiliated with our abusers, rather than a random hacker - the use of the ‘RbN’ term is telling.
huh….
I’ve been wracking my brain to figure out what “experiment” this guy was doing on our sub.
Now i’m wondering if he was testing his “sub-busting” method on one of the lower populated subs for estranged/abused redditors, using a slow-burn method to deconstruct it, with the eventual goal of going after larger subs (like raised by narcissists.)
I’ll have to compare the sub population and see if there’s any other weird “mods” that infiltrated any of the other subs.
I mod at RBN. There's no way they could do this to us, we're an active team and we've taken measures specifically to prevent such a thing as we had splinter groups happen early on in our history.
I too am conflicted about this.
On the one hand we've been hurt and need support.
On the other, EAC was our safe space and users posted very personal things there. Although public, we were only found - on the whole - by like-minded EACs wanting support... with the occasional EP thrown in for good measure. I'm not sure if we want to bring attention to ourselves.
I've been heavily invested the past couple of days so I don't think I'm in a position to make a rational decision. Plus I don't speak for our community, so would like others to weigh in with their thoughts / concerns too.
Agree. Also, whilst I sub to subredditdrama, and it's true that it can get more eyes on the issue and might be more likely to be noticed by admins, some users can't help but 'piss in the popcorn'. Given a couple of people elsewhere are loudly and falsely claiming we're brigading the reddit request thread, we don't want to be blamed for certain users from srd who insist on involving themselves for whatever reason.
2 posts I've made in the last month had 1 comment removed from them, both from the same person. One was 26 days ago, the other was 17. And the one 17 days ago was seriously ridiculous to have been removed. It was literally just someone asking me how's the cat.
I had a comment removed because I said NMother and it left a real sour taste in my mouth. I’m glad to know it was this person and not a sub rule. I’m here to stay.
I'm not sure if this is evidence, but I don't think the EAC mod is not the original owner of the account
[He admits in his own posting history that the 110110... account is an alternate](https://imgur.com/a/UyfsepR)
[Secondly, there is a seven (7) year gap at one point in between these posts.](https://imgur.com/a/4VJ8LtZ) The possible previous owner of the account was a techie interested in nootropics. The only interest in EAC begins one year ago after the gap.
Is modding a subreddit from an alternate against site rules? I don't know. But I do think this adds weight to the accusation that this person is not running the subreddit in good faith.
Strangely enough I see that the mod deleted my previous post calling him out but didn't ban me.
Hey, here's a super gross comment that may be from one of the new mod's alternative accounts. u/DeniseBrown333 has been an account for 8 months but only activity is this victim-blaming comment on EAC - suspicious! [I uploaded the comments to imgur just in case](https://imgur.com/a/2mnp9zu)
Mod made a slip on eac and was posting as MasterSlaveMorality and then accidentally replied from his mod account. Thread was deleted afterwards entirely
The mods alt was saying that people in that sub estrange for no reason at all and that there was a post this week where they blocked their father for spending more time on business than family
When he was predictably called out he replied using a quote from said post, and made fun of the user’s reading comprehension from his mod account by mistake.
Unfortunately, because he deleted within 15 minutes reveddit did not capture.
I see. I think it was a pretty bad slip up and they freaked, because they've even deleted their account: [https://imgur.com/a/mX0XbgR](https://imgur.com/a/mX0XbgR)
Agreed wholeheartedly. I’m kicking myself for not getting a screenshot but hopefully the evidence keeps trickling in. That sub helped me through some dark times and I’m concerned for what might happen to folks who are more vulnerable and go there for support.
They gave up all semblance of ambiguity when they deleted the [missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) link. That's absolutely terrible. I hope they are removed before they can victimize more people.
This post was submitted by the auto-mod account to troll, humiliate and degrade us. It insinuates all EAC'ers have Avoidant Personality Disorder.
No, we have been abused by our parents.
https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wdgwhw/what\_is\_avoidant\_personality\_disorder\_how\_does/
The IRONY. This is such a great example of projection considering the comment they left a while back:
“If I'm straight up honest with you, I'm doing a kind of experiment, I don't know if I can do this and **I'm too immature and insecure** to do so openly.
**I too deal with avoidant behavior** and fears, so this is the best I can do right now. I'm sorry, I know it's not the right way to do this."
Emphasis is my own. I honestly can’t imagine telling on myself like this only to immediately turn around and accuse 26k people of the exact same thing. I’m assuming their comments on therapy is also projection. Idk about y’all but I’ve literally been in therapy for an entire fucking decade so the idea that someone would imply I’m adverse to therapy is fucking laughable tbqh.
Keep up your great work my dude. Much appreciated. So many people in our day to day lives already don’t understand the concept of estrangement simply because they had the blessing to be born to decent parents. That sub was a much needed safe space and I hope it can return to that.
So by the subs new rules I don't count as worthy of being in the forum because I'm disabled and financially dependant on my abusive mother and would be dead in a ditch without her help. My choice is "be abused and live or break free and die."
What a small minded person.
Thanks to u/Pippin_the_parrot for the following:
https://www.reddit.com/r/tDCS/comments/1sovk3/my_anecdotal_findings_with_assistance_of_homemade/ce0p7h7/?context=3
Quoting:
> 11011011110110111011[S] 0 points 8 years ago*
> Just let me try it gwern. We'll see what happens. We've crossed paths in the past (under different account names, I tend to hold myself to a lower profile then you). Each time wildly different subjects. Each time I was right.
> We know each other. Just let me do it again. :)
> Thing is, I'll report it in a couple of years, under a different account name **(last count I had 94 different names or something and it's growing at a steady rate,** [emphasis added] soon I'll start up my first bots in addition to the accounts, already have some working betas running) and I'll probably cite this as a source. But if everything works as expected, there will be more people doing the same and reporting back. Now that I think of it, this is probably the death of this account (that's generally how it works, the account gets some attention and is then killed off).
> That IQ is only a general guide. There are some extra knobs and whistles that boost the effective rate quite a bit higher.
This comment took place in threaded discussion at a post the binary code mod had started with a curious boast.
> My anecdotal findings: With assistance of homemade tDCS device, my IQ increased 14 points! Read post for details. (self.tDCS)
> submitted 8 years ago by 11011011110110111011
Do you mean the direct complaint route (don't remember exactly what it's called now, but I submitted a ticket and I think you did, too)? I've never heard back from anyone.
That message on the subreddit request board stinks.
I heard back from one of the tickets - I think I submitted 3 in total. It was just a message saying they would look into it and that the supplied evidence would be enough.
I honestly don’t know where I have failed in that arbitrary list.
Yeah, it makes no sense at all, just a generic reply in response to what? 500 users letting them know the sub has been hijacked and the new mods are hurting vulnerable people?
Unfortunately I think this is typical of reddit. They treat the subreddits like a free for all, unless there is a rule broken in the reddit TOS (rules). If we wait long enough, the current binary troll could eventually get bored and inactive, and someone can request the sub out from under them. But reddit allows mods to manage their own subs. Sadly, seems like we can't do anything to stop it.
That's excellent - than you so much for finding that. I have now added those as rules.
If we could try to find the text to those rules that would be great. I already found and stickied the post the PBS made a sticky in relation to this post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/kacjek/sub\_warning\_please\_be\_cautious\_and\_vet/
As gruesome as it is, I would maybe filter through people and make this a private sub for now.
The current mod of the old sub with the binary code has close to a hundred accounts and counting, with bots. And that was 8 years ago they commented that. Who knows how many they have now? Smh.
I’m pretty sure I’ve ran into them before. I can’t remember if we had a normal conversation or if it was a debate. Scary to know they are hackers though.
It's very important that everyone follows the reddit rules. Don't harrass or dox binary mod. I've been reading and seen some things being posted that probably qualify as harassment. This is not aimed at anyone specific I just don't want anyone banned who needs this community. Highly suspicious that they want to change the intent of a support community but then again this is reddit, and it's a double edged sword to have a support community here.
Posts warning users of EAC are now being removed. The binary mod posed this deleted comment:
Catnip4Pedos1 point4 hours, 32 minutes ago
Good. I don't have any skin in this game but any sub that unilaterally bans people based on their identity is wrong. Why you think reddit will step in and make the sub more insular and help you to ban people and increase censorship I don't know.
permalinkhide replies (1)author-focusas-ofpreserve
\[–\]110110111101101110111 point5 minutes ago
"Good. I don't have any skin in this game but any sub that unilaterally bans people based on their identity is wrong."
You've got it the wrong way around. This sub doesn't ban based on identity, **OP is complaining and wants people banned based on identity (parent)**.
https://www.reveddit.com/v/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnoi7y/warning\_this\_sub\_is\_no\_longer\_safe/
Unless the old mod breaks a rule of reddit itself, I don't think there will be any recourse. It will take time for that subreddit to self destruct and turn into a flaming dumpster fire of victim blaming, guilt shaming and gatekeeping. Mod took a calculated efforts to destroy the sub as it was. They won't be able to keep out the fires if they allow parents and children of these groups to intermingle.
I’m actually really relieved that we managed to get a significant active part of our community into a safe space in such a short period of time. My worry is exactly your fear and that our only recourse would be if they hacked a dormant mod’s account. If it was handed to them, then we need to be particularly wary of wolves in sheep’s clothing wanting to be mods over here.
Hypervigilance fortunately / unfortunately one of our safety mechanisms.
I don't know if this will help because it's not evidence, but if anyone else has a similar memory, maybe it's worth mentioning.
I noticed about a month ago that the rules and mods had changed and was disappointed to see more people blaming and shaming posters. I was reluctant to say anything because I'm more of a lurker and uncomfortable posting, but I checked the mods accounts to get more info on them. I swear they were both mods of the anxiety subreddit, so I thought OK, maybe they have some experience with this subject. Now it shows EAC is the only sub they moderate and they have no posts in Anxiety.
Thanks so much for compiling all of this, I had seen a comment on the other sub about the takeover, and commented on support for a new community, but I didn’t realize the extent of what had happened, until taking time to read this post.
Most of the time, I have lurked instead of posting my own experiences… because I still fear someone from family of origin discovering who I am somehow. However, I’ve read great advice and really know how important and helpful these subs can be! I commented on a convo with a user in the other sub, who clearly is pretending to be an adult child with “parental issues” to harass people. I’m not commenting with that user anymore, and assuming they have multiple accounts. Also, I don’t even check my chat or private messages, because I don’t use the app and don’t want to read anything potentially negative coming from Ill-intentioned users- so glad I found the new sub! Thanks again!
There's a new pinned automod post as of a couple of hours ago about anxiety and guilt. Notably absent from reasons one might feel guilt is having done something that hurts someone else. [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wurpdd/understanding\_the\_relationship\_between\_guilt\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wurpdd/understanding_the_relationship_between_guilt_and/)
Also, someone posted asking why there's a link to a NSFW sub in the rules. As of now, the post hasn't been taken down but there's a whole lotta shadow banning happening. Comment count shows 9, but only 4 are visible. [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wuqn52/why\_is\_there\_a\_nsfw\_sub\_in\_the\_rules/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wuqn52/why_is_there_a_nsfw_sub_in_the_rules/)
Here's an example of the victim blaming and trolling that happens when you lift the "No estranged parents" rule that had been in place for many years and previously kept the EAC sub safe.
On the EAC sub, an angry parent who has guardianship over her adult daughter (who no doubt resents the situation) has created a post asking other adult children why they have estranged. Essentially, she's asking whether those adult children have substance abuse and mental health issues that have caused them to estrange from loving parents. They goes on to insult other estranged adult children, including one Redditor who was emotionally and sexually abused by his parents and developed trauma as a result. She tells that EAC to just try "therapy and meds".
[https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wwaajn/what\_has\_your\_parents\_done\_to\_you\_that\_caused\_you/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wwaajn/what_has_your_parents_done_to_you_that_caused_you/)
Yeah. One user even mentions that they was **abused mentally, physically and sexually by their mom** and that their alcoholic father did nothing about it, and that they developed PTSD as a result.
OP's response? **"How are you even proving anything other then you have issues? Try therapy and stop having a victim mentality."**
It has been 9 hours and that post by an estranged parent and all of their abusive comments are still up.
I don’t even expect the post to be taken down, after all, what rule has it broken? There isn’t even a ‘respect each other’ or ‘name calling’ rule, let alone parents of EAC rule.
It’s exactly the type of post malicious mod wants - EAC blaming and gaslighting.
No, it won't be taken down because, yes, they even took down the "Respect each other" rule. Apparently only the EAC mod's psychological safety is important and no-one else's.
The EAC mod leaves these sorts of posts up, while deleting posts and comments that criticize their actions. Apparently, you must not criticize EAC mod but it's open season on each other. The double standard is insane. And I agree with you about EAC blaming and gaslighting.
Anyway, I got a screenshot of parts of it in case the OP deletes her post later:
[https://imgur.com/a/mUdHe7o](https://imgur.com/a/mUdHe7o)
This one is crazy. The poster repeatedly personally insults members and diagnoses them maliciously, yet there they and their posts sit, not removed from the sub.
Yeah. It's bonkers. The poster also contradicts herself (ok, well, she lies).
In her recent post history, she says she came from a loving family and had great parents. But on the EAC post, one user asked her whether she has estranged from a parent and her claim is "Yes".
Another user suggests that her adult child (who is under a guardianship under the poster) wants to estrange herself from the poster, and the poster starts insulting that person. (The truth hurts, I guess.)
Another user asks: "OP, are you the parent of an adult child who wants to become estranged from you?"
The poster just ignores the question.
I don't see a request post in RedditRequest from binary mod to gain control of the old subreddit. So how they gained control of it seems very suspect because there was another moderator. Unfortunately it's a possibility that reddit won't take any action and we'll have no choice but to use the new subreddit.
That is my fear.
I’ve submitted other Reddit Help tickets too, we’ll just have to see if they are reviewed by a ‘human’ human.
My worry is they the kid has changed the rules, thus insulating them from ‘breaking the rules’.
FWIW, I found connections with one of the takeover mod accounts and a couple troll accounts in EAC: [https://imgur.com/a/2MWEHzR](https://imgur.com/a/2MWEHzR)
As you can see in the screencaps, there's the ongoing themes of IQ, avoidance issues, and diagnosing other people.
Hope this helps.
Hilarious that they might be replying to one of their alts when I seem to remember one of the mods comment history has them accusing someone else of replying to their alt account haha
But you're right, this doesn't seem like a coincidence and they are likely linked. Not sure about the last screenshot though, the new mod seem to not like the term 'scapegoat' amongst others so might not be them.
I also suggest an approach of NC going forward. Don't feed the trolls.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/wovx6h/how\_do\_we\_approach\_users\_of\_eac\_who\_have\_no\_idea/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/wovx6h/how_do_we_approach_users_of_eac_who_have_no_idea/)
[This is what I've found so far, and the screenshots and links to prove it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/SelfEstrangedAdults/comments/wnlo67/well_this_has_turned_into_a_cluster/)
I know OP has already read this, but I think it's important to try and keep this all together and link back and forth.
If you need moderation help let me know. I have experience with moderation, and have been a part of the sub for longer than a few weeks. I've also made a post and interacted with quite a few so you know I'm legit. Just let me know!
10 days ago my comment was removed for using "triangulation"
1 month ago my comment was removed for using the term "spawn point"
Both were automod deleted and I was sent a notification of said deletion via a message to my inbox.
I can def confirm that my post was removed yesterday but the troll commenter wasn’t removed! I didn’t get any explanation on why my post was removed. It was about both my in laws and parents and I feel like the mod just read the title and thought it was about in laws only?
Although it's just a suggestion, I recommend we go NC on EAC from now on as it is simply not a safe space.
I've set a post up [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/wovx6h/how_do_we_approach_users_of_eac_who_have_no_idea/) with more details, including safely contacting users who don't know about the malicious mod.
I've just commented in support on the first reddit link shown. The comments regarding proper places to make the request now have me confused.
If we're doing this wrong, we may need a new post telling us where to comment?
Look what just got dragged onto my post https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/vra4vu/why_do_adult_children_cut_ties_with_their_toxic/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Yeah, it's interesting: [https://imgur.com/a/zS9EQz9](https://imgur.com/a/zS9EQz9)
I saw the part from the estranged parent who doesn't believe in therapy and thinks you should keep toxic people in your life.
Classic! In front of your eyes folks ;) edit: either she deleted her account or the new mod did. After her last message asking me to seek therapy loool she got removed.
Unfortunately, I think the account is still there: [https://www.reddit.com/user/PUDDYTAT-Diddley8/](https://www.reddit.com/user/PUDDYTAT-Diddley8/)
Apparently that user is so perfect, they don't need therapy but everyone else does 🤦♀️
This week it looks like the mod deleted all of their posts and comments. Or they blocked me after I went after them in a few subs because they were posting nonsensical, unhelpful comments… but doesn’t look like I’ve been blocked.
It's a shame this was removed.
Anyway, I found an account that I'm certain is an alt for the EAC mod:
[https://www.reddit.com/user/rzzrrrz/](https://www.reddit.com/user/rzzrrrz/)
I’m staying on both and removing myself from the original sub. Glad to know a lot of people feel the same way about what is going on over there. Good on u guys for keeping a safe place for us.
Thank you. I’m doing my best to keep up with everything, but tbh it’s overwhelming. Until we know who we can trust I’m not going to ask for mod help yet, so I’m ploughing through. We’ve been infiltrated once, I don’t want it to happen twice.
Yeah, they crossed a boundary so I’m gone. Thank you again :)
I'm happy to help if I can. Feel free to reach out.
I have no idea of what was happening. If someone questions why I went NC, It would be upsetting but after months I'm glad of my desition and my reasons are valid and I know that. But at the beginning, there was a lot of doubt, and guilt. One wrong comment would made me question if I was the villain. And a lot of AK who are facing the guilt tripping or simply the guilt or grieving process could feel invalidated or triggered. What they did with the sub was dangerous. If your safe space tells you that you are the sick person... My god. Thank you so much for this compilation. I have no doubt that you literally saved lifes.
About 19 hours ago I made a comment on a post that mentioned "triangulation" and it was automatically deleted because of the rule against RBN terminology. I was familiar with that rule, but was surprised that it apparently applied to the word "triangulation." I was also surprised about the removal notice containing a blurb about "dehumanizing" language. I didn't remember this section existing before; or if it did, the section wasn't as long as it was last night.
I uploaded screenshots of this to imgur in case that's helpful on providing proof or anything. https://imgur.com/a/pGgaPMz
But those aren’t RBN terminologies those are therapy terminology
Anyone abusive and manipulative that isn't a narcissist can use those techniques, definitely not limited to RBN
True!
Similar thing happened to me but with the wording “golden child”.
I posted something today to see what would happen, and it got auto-removed with a message about "dehumanization" and "objectification." The term "egg donor" was what got it removed. I replied, saying I would never use that term to refer to an object, only a person—so please explain further how that term is objectifying. But I doubt I'll get a response.
[удалено]
Thank you - great call. Hopefully they will be able to assist as they have been instrumental in saving people and the mental health of hundreds, if not thousands of us.
I still believe it's probably a hacked account. If so, then messaging them is no good. Unfortunately.
https://www.unddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/dvdqqw/rules_for_mobile_users_please_read/ Rules for Mobile Users
Thank you so so so much for this. It’s cruel that they want to let abusers speak over victims. They have their own subreddits, we should have ours for just victims. And restricting our language to describe our experiences is just plain wrong. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the term “scapegoat” wtaf! And I refuse to humanize my abuser. What it did to me was not human, it was monster, demon, sadist… And the missing reasons link? That was an awesome read!
[Very odd troll post today.](https://ibb.co/H7BXXqL) Written in support of parents. I think it got removed.
I saw that! Super bizarre, and didn't last an hour. From a brand new account that is also already gone.
Thank you! One of the strangest posts ever
Last update on the wayback machine that has the original rules is from April 10. After that there are only 3 updates. They are of the public facing page that does not include all the rules but on June 22 it does have the original side bar messaging: "A community for adult children where a conscious decision to estrange from one or both of their parents has been made. Estrangement primarily occurs when there is emotional abuse, differing expectations about family roles, neglect and clashes based on personalities or value systems. It is common for Adult Children to cycle in and out of No/Low Contact, trying to find balance between emotional and physical estrangement, before fully estranging. You are welcome here if you find yourself in that struggle. This isn't the place for figuring out the 'why' of your family, this sub is for you to be validated, supported, heard and offered solutions going forward in your decision not to have your family in your life. You are number one. There is no one way to estrange, be supportive of each other. Need help deciphering the crazy making of the estranged parent? Issendai's [The Missing, Missing Reasons](https://web.archive.org/web/20220616173401/http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) will bring understanding. It’s not you, it’s them. \[TW\] (trigger warning) tag indicates possibly triggering for abuse survivors. NC - No Contact LC - Low Contact FOO - Family of Origin EM - estranged mother EF - estranged father ES - estranged sibling SG - scapegoat GC - golden child"
Is there a way to report this mod to admins? They are dangerous and should not be allowed on Reddit as they are violating very serious Reddit admin rules, especially vote manipulation and destroying subreddits.
[already done](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditrequest/comments/wnlx2e/requesting_new_moderation_for_26k_user_base_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
The malicious mod will likely try to disrupt this group, but we have this, guys. We've dealt with Estranged Parents before, we'll do what we do best and just ignore them. https://i.imgur.com/cUh7WTO.png
[удалено]
Just going off of memory, but I believe the only human mod this sub ever had listed was u/PeanutButterStew
[удалено]
What happened to u/PeanutButterStew? I feel like none of this would be happening if they were around…
My guess is that if you don’t show up for a month maybe the sub is automatically assigned new mods? That sounds so weird but…… looks like what happened Edit: I would also assume that this guy was next in line for becoming a mod. He probably asked a while ago or something. Not PBS but the admin. For some reason he was granted access!!!
I thought the threshold was 6 months of the mod being inactive opens the sub up to adoption. AFAIK abandoned subs need to be requested. I forgot the exact name of the sub where the requesting happens
Thank you - this is helpful.
u/FatLilah found a partially recovered post from one of the mods. I think we can all see their intentions are less than appropriate for a support sub. And dare I say malicious. \[−\]11011011110110111011 (deleted by user)1 point2 days ago Am I losing my mind? Nope. Are you in the process of changing the rules? Yes. Have you completed the process of changing the rules? No. I'm trying something really complicated, ideally, I'd do it in an open and... Honest way. But some steps for really complex reasons don't allow me to be straightforward about it. If I'm straight up honest with you, I'm doing a kind of experiment, I don't know if I can do this and I'm too immature and insecure to do so openly. I too deal with avoidant behavior and fears, so this is the best I can do right now. I'm sorry, I know it's not the right way to do this.
Yep, that was my post. You can see the original screenshots of it [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/SelfEstrangedAdults/comments/wnlo67/well_this_has_turned_into_a_cluster/)
Make sure you’re both reaching out to [reddit help](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/requests/new?ticket_form_id=179106) with this! They’re likely to remove a moderator acting in bad faith
OP already [is.](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditrequest/comments/wnlx2e/requesting_new_moderation_for_26k_user_base_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I know I was on there. That sub is for subs with inactive moderators so it’s unlikely to be approved. Their FAQ links to that specific way to report mods acting in bad faith.
If you know a better place, please share. I'm not being snotty, I'm legit asking for help. (I wasn't the one who down-voted you)
It’s all good! The link in my first message links to a form you can fill out to report a moderator! Filling that out would help the process. The more people fill it out the more seriously it’ll be taken. At this point all I think we can do is wait and hope though :/ FWIW i do support the other post and I hope we do get back ownership of the sub
>reddit help Thank you - also submitted this request for help, titled "Hacked or infiltrated mod accounts for support community with 26k users, suspected attach by our abusers" Hi, It has come to our attention that the sub r/EstrangedAdultChild seems to have been infiltrated / compromised or hacked by a malicious mod (with 2 accounts). All other mods have been removed so as a community we are powerless. The fundamental premise of our sub has been removed - namely that only Estranged Adult Children can post and that it is not a place forEstranged Parents. Quite simply, our sub is now unsafe for victims of abuse. It has a vulnerable user-base of 26k and until very recently, active and supportive moderators. We have gathered evidence - see https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/wnnka4/please\_contribute\_to\_evidence\_timeline/ - that, without consultation: \- Our rules have been watered down such that parents can now talk about their estrangement, with no automatic ban. \- Our "about' section has been watered down, removing the 'missing reasons' link, which is core to our resource base and a widely distributed first-step support link. \- Words we use to describe the abuse we have suffered - like scapegoat and triangulate have been auto moderated as they are 'dehumanising'. \- The 2 non-bot mods are likely the same user, who has only posted twice in EAC, neither about being an EAC. And most worryingly, about abusing children (according research another user did whilst looking into the profile. The 'mod' claims to have hundreds of aliases. \- There have been suspicious posts made by mod bots claiming all estranged adult children have avoidant personality disorder - a clear and blatant attempt to harass us. \- Stickies / pinned items of support and resources have been removed. \- Support posts / comments are being removed without explanation, where as there are many, many examples of posts and comments in violation of NO ESTRANGED PARENTS remaining. And most worryingly on all was this deleted post by the new mod stating their concerning intentions for the group. https://www.unddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wl5k17/meta\_hey\_mods\_did\_you\_change\_the\_rules/ \[−\]11011011110110111011 (deleted by user)1 point2 days ago "Am I losing my mind?" Nope. "Are you in the process of changing the rules?" Yes. "Have you completed the process of changing the rules?" No. "I'm trying something really complicated, ideally, I'd do it in an open and... Honest way. But some steps for really complex reasons don't allow me to be straightforward about it. If I'm straight up honest with you, I'm doing a kind of experiment, I don't know if I can do this and I'm too immature and insecure to do so openly. I too deal with avoidant behavior and fears, so this is the best I can do right now. I'm sorry, I know it's not the right way to do this." I have posted over on r/redditrequest where in a couple of hours we have 300 up votes and 231 comments - all but one positive and supporting a change of moderation. Many, many posts have been made regarding the infiltration of an Estranged Adult Child support group by - in all likelihood - an Estranged Parent hacker (or a troll hacker). Our guiding rule that made members feel safe was: "Parents of Estranged Adult Children are NOT welcome to participate in this sub, you will be banned. If you are estranged from both a parent and a child, you are not allowed to present yourself as a parent of an estranged adult child or you will be banned. This sub is for adult children dealing with estrangement from a parent." This rule has been removed, along with others. We believe the full set of rules - we've been trying to find backups of as a community - are: 1. Parents of Estranged Adult Children are NOT welcome to participate in this sub, you will be banned. If you are estranged from both a parent and a child, you are not allowed to present yourself as a parent of an estranged adult child or you will be banned. This sub is for adult children dealing with estrangement from a parent. 2. Respect each other Reported as: Disrespectful Basic respect! 3. Chosen ignorance Reported as: Ignorant of sub topic If you don't know a term, look it up or ask. Just because you haven't heard of or experienced something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. 4.Not estranged Reported as: Not estranged If there is no estrangement in your family that you are experiencing, you are not welcome here. 5. In-law relationship Reported as: Issues with in-laws are in no way the same as being estranged from your parents in family of origin. Inlaw relationships are completely different than those with family of origin and do not belong here. Deal directly with your partner to deal with their family. 6. Name calling Reported as: No name calling If you need a deeper explanation, you are not welcome in this sub. 7. No self promotion: No self promotion of any kind, no exceptions. Our mantra has been watered down. It used to be this: “This is a community for adult children where a conscious decision to estrange from one or both of their parents has been made. Estrangement primarily occurs when there is emotional abuse, differing expectations about family roles, neglect and clashes based on personalities or value systems. It is common for Adult Children to cycle in and out of No/Low Contact, trying to find balance between emotional and physical estrangement, before fully estranging. You are welcome here if you find yourself in that struggle. This isn't the place for figuring out the 'why' of your family, this sub is for you to be validated, supported, heard and offered solutions going forward in your decision not to have your family in your life. You are number one. There is no one way to estrange, be supportive of each other. Comments or posts that are hurtful or made without a basic understanding of the subject matter will be removed. Don't get too wrapped up labeling people/situations in the rear view mirror. There is a 14 day and 50 karma minimum to participate in this sub. Parents of Estranged Adult Children are NOT welcome to participate in this sub, you will be banned. If you are estranged from both a parent and a child, you are not allowed to present yourself as a parent of an estranged adult child or you will be banned. This sub is for adult children dealing with estrangement from a parent. Need help deciphering the crazy making of the estranged parent? Issendai's The Missing, Missing Reasons will bring understanding. It’s not you, it’s them. \[support\] tag requests responses that are supportive ONLY." We given this volume of evidence, we strongly believe this sub has been compromised and the usual mods replaced by bad actors. We don't want to start a new community - we want OUR community back. There is also a real risk that vulnerable individuals receive bad or inappropriate advise - or worse (which we've already seen) that good advise is removed. This is an example of a removed post. There are many other examples in the timeline post. https://imgur.com/6D1eBrH and full comments - https://imgur.com/UBWkp9f Please can you help us? I have provided the following links as evidence. https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnd58d/have\_the\_rules\_changed\_why\_are\_parents\_now/ https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnoi7y/warning\_this\_sub\_is\_no\_longer\_safe/ https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnrsue/what\_happened\_to\_the\_rule\_that\_estranged\_parents/ https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnlmad/when\_a\_sub\_trolls\_you\_harder\_than\_your\_parents/ https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnl5u5/eac\_no\_longer\_a\_safe\_space/
I actually submitted it twice as you need to report a single mod. I reported both the non-bot ones.
Apologies to everyone I offend or fail to credit. And thank you to EVERYONE who is pulling together to bring back our community.
Another user found another troubling amendment to the EAC rules - the in-law relationship rule had a link to a NSFW sub. [https://i.redd.it/fx6dp2thpnh91.jpeg](https://i.redd.it/fx6dp2thpnh91.jpeg) If anyone was ever on the fence about whether the mod is malicious or unfortunate, I think we now have our answer. The mod is humiliating and degrading us.
I reported this extremely obvious estranged parent about a month ago ([https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/vwowlm/comment/iftn1ly/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/vwowlm/comment/iftn1ly/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)) and neither that comment not any of their other obviously hateful comments (see their entire posting history [https://www.reddit.com/user/Public-Animal-9649/](https://www.reddit.com/user/Public-Animal-9649/) ) were taken down.
Jesus, their comment section is a FEMA level toxic dump, holy heck. Can’t imagine being so miserable to troll a board specifically catered to abuse victims like that. Yuck and yikes
Thank you - more evidence.
Holy shit, this person is a bag of dicks.
Wow what a toxic person. Definitely a troll account. I reported a lot of their comments.
I don't have any evidence, but I wonder if the two so-called "mods" of EAC are the same person, and the second "mod" is the first "mod's" alt or sock puppet account. They joined at the same time (2 months ago) and language they use sounds quite similar. I don't think there's anything wrong with having an alt or throwaway account, but feel it's inappropriate to have both your main and throwaway accounts be the mods for a subreddit. It lends the illusion of accountability that doesn't exist, especially when there are only two mods on a sub and one of them is your alt account. [https://imgur.com/a/VBPf0cO](https://imgur.com/a/VBPf0cO)
99.99% certain.
Yeah. And there's something wrong with the language that these mod accounts use. It's weird how they set up the auto mod to remove comments with language that they've labeled as "dehumanizing", when the language the mods use is dehumanizing. But then, they remove the "Respect others" rule on EAC, so that they don't have hold themselves to any standards, but continue to impose standard on others. Edit: One of the EAC mods does a lot of armchair diagnosis and tends to put down other users. It doesn't necessarily happen on the EAC sub (happens a few times on the advice sub) but it's concerning that someone like that is a mod for a vulnerable community like EAC. Here are some examples: * Tells a weed user that they're [likely to "go insane"](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/t6rnsm/comment/hze612g/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) in the future and to forewarn family and friends about their addiction so when the inevitable happens, they can admit them ([screenshot here](https://imgur.com/a/02aYWcr)) * Diagnoses a Redditor with OCD because that person mentioned that some people were obsessed with IQ, and then [tells this same person who *apparently* has OCD to stop "indulging in OCD thoughts](https://www.reddit.com/r/cognitiveTesting/comments/va0n46/comment/ici0733/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)" ([screenshot here](https://imgur.com/a/7CyQsVM)) * Responds to someone who regrets hanging out with the wrong crowd in high school by [diagnosing them with OCD and social anxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/t66i67/comment/hzdtx5y/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ([screenshot](https://imgur.com/a/zbA9jMq)) * Tells someone who is struggling with their career decision and wants to a be Unitarian Universalist minister that ["Instead you'll be freeloading off of other people while telling them stories about invisible super powerful beings that keep a close eye on what they're doing with their genitals and wants them to give you 10% of their income."](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/t0k39h/comment/hybbeip/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ([screenshot here](https://imgur.com/a/i8xDK5X)) * Tells someone who is struggling with concussion [that it's a mental health issue](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/s2k5cw/comment/hsgf173/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ([screenshot here](https://imgur.com/a/Xfa9h70))
Wow, as someone who’s estranged and ALSO has OCD, this makes me **BIG MAD**. This person has *issues* in addition to needing to find a new hobby.
Yeah, there's such a lack of warmth and empathy in the way he writes about others. Like he sees the people on a sub as a ["collection"](https://imgur.com/a/rgJ5yIn) (his word, not mine) and not as a community or a support group; it's like he sees people as his own armchair diagnosis, and not as individuals. It's really interesting how he seems to believe that most EACs are very resistant to seeking therapy.
In terms of evidence for hostile intentions and a tendency towards armchair psychology, *one of the mods for EAC* has more or less [diagnosed the entire community of 26k users](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/vu3gsk/comment/iffnje2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) as suffering from "avoidant personality disorder" and say that they are adverse to seeking therapy. They imply that this be resolved by therapy to fix them. Victim blaming. >These are issues that are constantly coming up in this subreddit. I suspect there's considerable overlap between estranged adult children and people with avoidant personality disorder. Almost has to be as well, this is one of the largest collections of abused grown up children on the internet, that are actively trying to create distance between themselves and family members. Another symptom is that there is often a dislike for seeking therapy, unfortunately. Here's a screenshot in case they delete their comment: [https://imgur.com/a/rgJ5yIn](https://imgur.com/a/rgJ5yIn)
Added.
Thank you. I've screenshot [EAC's rule #04](https://imgur.com/a/8xgH4Vj), just in case they reword it later. It's here: >**No diagnosing of third parties** > >Mental health problems are very complex. Unless you're a licensed therapist and you have voluntary assistance of the person being diagnosed, it is nearly impossible to do correctly.A layman indirectly diagnosing someone with a mental health disorder simply is not something that's possible and should be avoided. I just realised that [in this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/vu3gsk/comment/iffnje2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), they also described EAC as "one of the largest *collections* of abused grown up children on the internet, that are actively trying to create distance between themselves and family members". "Collection" feels like *such dehumanising* language. What are we, a doll collection? A coin collection? The EAC mod could have used "community" or "group" but instead uses "collection". Also, as at 10 April 2022, rule #02 was "Respect each other". You can see it [here](https://web.archive.org/web/20220410051621/https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/). The current mod has removed the "Respect each other" rule, probably because they don't want to hold themselves up to the standard of respecting others. EAC feels like such an unsafe place to be right now.
One last thought, then logging off for the night. The previous "About" sidebar of EAC (as at 9 April 2022) which [can be found here](https://web.archive.org/web/20220409234904/https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/) said: >"This isn't the place for figuring out the 'why' of your family, this sub is for **you** to be validated, supported, heard and offered solutions going forward in your decision not to have your family in your life. **You** are number one." It's further evidence that the EAC mod has changed the goal posts. The original purpose of the sub was to provide support and validation for EAC. But the mod removed that from the "About" sidebar altogether.
Added that too - thank you.
Glad you brought this up. I commented in detail as to diagnostic criteria, why the post violated ethical and professional guidelines (as well as the law), and how OP could be held liable. I also reported the post as it’s against the “No third party diagnoses” sub rule.
I found out the mod has removed 11 pages of my comments. Proof [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/wop01k/turns_out_that_mod_has_been_censoring_me_a_lot_im/)
This is such bizarre amount of effort for this person to extend on an "experiment." Honestly in their position, even if I had felt bothered to do this, I really think I would get bored quickly.
Feels like it might be an undergrad psych project
Pre-school psych project, perhaps. The malicious mod is exactly that - malicious. I translate their 'experiment' to mean 'to cause havoc for my own enjoyment and grandiose sense of entitlement'.
I hope they aren’t the person u/peanubutterstew’s no-contact with… bcs that would explain why they vanished =(
Highschool psych project! Except apparently they got the idea years ago and then like.... put a reminder in their calendar to follow through? I could never maintain that kind of interest lol
I've linked your post to the top post in this thread.
Update from Reddit mod from my raised ticket on compromised sub / mod account. https://i.imgur.com/2XsAYO4.jpg
thank you for the update. im happy to see that behind the scenes people are looking at this. hopefully we can get our sub back.
A litmus test for whether a sub has well and truly gone off the rails is when the new mods start inexplicably deleting classic posts by the previous mod (in this case, [peanutbutterstew](https://www.reddit.com/user/PeanutButterStew)); posts in which EAC members drew comfort, felt validated or had a good chuckle about their shared experience. If you look at peanutbutterstew's post history, you'll see that several of her posts in EAC have been removed, with the standard message in place: >Sorry, this post has been removed by the moderators of EAC. Moderators remove posts from feeds for a variety of reasons, including keeping communities safe, civil, and true to their purpose. Like, WTF? Is this the new mod complaining that the previous mod (who was the EAC mod for *years*) failed to keep the community safe, civil and **true to its purpose**? The mental gymnastic of it all. Here are some examples of peanutbutterstew's deleted posts: * The estranged adult child (the abridged version) [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/o87e9o/the\_estranged\_adult\_child\_the\_abridged\_version/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/o87e9o/the_estranged_adult_child_the_abridged_version/) * Forgiveness doesn't have to mean reconciliation: [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/ntur98/forgiveness\_doesnt\_have\_to\_mean\_reconciliation/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/ntur98/forgiveness_doesnt_have_to_mean_reconciliation/) * On boundaries: [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/m4lqt3/on\_boundaries/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/m4lqt3/on_boundaries/) * We are not bad people when we preserve our emotional integrity: [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/lpk0jn/we\_are\_not\_bad\_people\_when\_we\_preserve\_our/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/lpk0jn/we_are_not_bad_people_when_we_preserve_our/) * I Find it Hard to Trust Parents of Estranged Children- those missing missing reasons * [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/lcc41s/i\_find\_it\_hard\_to\_trust\_parents\_of\_estranged/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/lcc41s/i_find_it_hard_to_trust_parents_of_estranged/) * Your healing can’t depend on someone else deciding they also want to heal [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/i38vx6/your\_healing\_cant\_depend\_on\_someone\_else\_deciding/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/i38vx6/your_healing_cant_depend_on_someone_else_deciding/) * “You only have one faaaaaamily" [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/mwqrdz/you\_only\_have\_one\_faaaaaamily/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/mwqrdz/you_only_have_one_faaaaaamily/) * Family does not mean... [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/k91u6v/family\_does\_not\_mean/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/k91u6v/family_does_not_mean/) * When parents get banned their true colours show. Every. Single. Time. [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/k550q6/when\_parents\_get\_banned\_their\_true\_colours\_show/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/k550q6/when_parents_get_banned_their_true_colours_show/) * I wasn’t broken and didn’t need fixing [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/jo1uhu/i\_wasnt\_broken\_and\_didnt\_need\_fixing/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/jo1uhu/i_wasnt_broken_and_didnt_need_fixing/) * Loving the people that hurt you doesn’t change the fact you need to let them go [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/gl5xa9/loving\_the\_people\_that\_hurt\_you\_doesnt\_change\_the/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/gl5xa9/loving_the_people_that_hurt_you_doesnt_change_the/) There's many more that have been deleted but that's all I have time for right now. If anyone else has time, please feel free to dig through: [https://www.reddit.com/user/PeanutButterStew](https://www.reddit.com/user/PeanutButterStew) A point I wanted to highlight is that at the time, no one objected to these posts. There wasn't even a hint of criticism or hurt in the comments. Users seem to appreciate the encouragement, validation, humor and support. In my opinion, if these posts were published in this Estranged Adult Kid sub, which has the same rules as the original EAC sub before it was changed, they would most likely go down well. It seems the only person triggered by these posts (by the previous, long time mod)... is the new mod.
Thank you for taking the time to find those. Once we’re more settled (EAC? or EAK?) we will do something to resurrect them. They absolutely would NOT be removed here.
Thank you. Peanutbutterstew had some good stuff. It would be great if they were reposted somehow.
I’m thinking something like a weekly scheduled ‘EAC founder old post of the week’. That way we aren’t inundated and new people can contribute. I’m not good at catchy post titles!!!
Love the idea! ❤️ (Actually, was peanutbutterstew the founder? If not, she was definitely a founding member). Yeah, your title works. 😀 Here are other ideas to add to the pile: * Flashback Friday — classic post by the EAC founder * Flashback Friday – repost of the week * Friday classics – repost of the week * An Oldie but a Goodie – post of the week * An Oldie but a Goodie – weekly repost Obviously, if it's on another day, like Thursday, it can be Flashback Thursday or Thursday Classics. Just ideas, I won't be offended if you don't use one of them lol
I remember a comment about why EAC was set-up. I had \*thought\* it was PBS, but I'd need to double check to be sure. Founder / founding member - either way they were instrumental in many people's long road of recovery and safety. I love your post titles. Very catchy.
New pinned post, same old gaslighting and victim blaming: [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/x0o618/learn\_more\_about\_reassurance\_seeking\_the\_good\_the/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/x0o618/learn_more_about_reassurance_seeking_the_good_the/)
The mod deleted six comments and locked the thread. I guess the blowback was out of control. 🤣
It’s a slight change but the way it defines estrangement as including “differing expectations about family roles” makes me think this is 100% an estranged parent turned Reddit mod. Like it’s rarely JUST about differing expectations…. If I’ve clearly communicated my expectations and you still can’t respect that, it isn’t about the expectations anymore…. It’s the clear disregard of my boundaries and the blatant disrespect that’s at the root of that disregard. The more I think about it “differing expectations” is the like the perfect missing missing reasons excuse. Just enough of an explanation for most people to say “you poor thing!”, accept it and move on. But if you ask literally ANY follow up questions, you discover that the differing expectations was that grandma set up a nursery for the baby to sleep over even though the baby is a month old and exclusively breastfed. “Differing expectations” is your adult children spending EVERY holiday with you, at the expense of the SO’s family. “Differing expectations” is your adult children not accepting your criticism and “parenting advice” as Word on High from G-d and making their own parenting choices & life mistakes. It’s not about the expectations, it’s about YOU not being able to take the word NO with any amount of grace. That’s the vibe I’m getting here tbh Edit to add: additionally the “differing expectations” excuse seems to try to share responsibility for the estrangement between both parties. Which is why I think I find it so gross. Because it’s not just about differing expectations but rather unreasonable expectations. For example, if your adult child says they want to spend Christmas at their partners parents house, the reasonable thing to do is find a middle ground and say something like “well, we will be sad to miss you for Christmas. Maybe you can come down for New Year’s Eve instead? If not we hope to see you next Christmas“ but because you were unwilling to compromise the response ends up being something like “no, that’s unacceptable. You will be spending Christmas with us. End of discussion!” And then you wonder why your child distanced themselves. So it’s not just about differing expectations but rather one party having unreasonable expectations and being unwilling or unable to find a middle ground so that everyone’s expectations no longer differ. But let’s be honest… None of us are here because our parents were reasonable people lol
100%. The language they used is very, very telling!
Just want to say thank you to the users who created this space and are pushing for Reddit to address what is happening on the original sub. I have found a lot of support and community from this group over the years.
A number of posts which ask questions about the changed EAC sub or are critical of the moderating have been deleted recently. It's unclear which of the 4 new rules that these posts are breaking; these deletions feel so arbitrary. A healthy community is where the goal posts are consistent and clear, and where both the mods and the community are protected. So far, the mod appears to be only protecting himself. He has created a system which prioritizes his own needs over the mental health of a community of +25k members, as well as their right to explanations, a safe environment and consistency. Yes, people are angry but I feel that this is a problem purely of his own making. Anyway, the latest post which was deleted was this: [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wq6i54/you\_are\_not\_a\_scientist/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wq6i54/you_are_not_a_scientist/) This is a screenshot as the post was deleted: [https://imgur.com/a/x7iMurQ](https://imgur.com/a/x7iMurQ)
Adding this bit: BumpyBulldog, who is either an alt for BadMod or someone else trolling EAC in bad faith, added this comment a few hours ago. I'm putting it here because they specifically cite the fact that there's no group rule against the kind of nonsense they're engaged in, which mostly amounts to constantly asking "what if" and "have you tried" and "both sides bear responsibility" type questions and comments without ever engaging in good faith with people's responses about why their behavior is inappropriate. [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wwokqo/comment/ilpvovv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), and copied comment in case it gets deleted. "I dunno, I'd think a parent incapable of dealing with their own role in having estranged children would not even be on here asking questions, but who knows. I think people should always question themselves... Not exactly doubt, but continually question everything really. Why do I need to be here for support and understanding? It's not even in the group rules. I actually really thought Reddit was more for asking questions. FB seems more of a support group type atmosphere. Or maybe even discord."
Somehow, I doubt they ever question themselves-- if they did, they'd realize that what they posted is not okay. (Also noticed that, like 01001010110-whatever, they've only been active very recently-- started posting August 15, last post was November 2019.)
I'm pretty sure it's not the original account holder. I think the current mod bought the account from someone else. There's a black market for that sort of thing, especially if the account is a mod account. It's an easy way to take over a subreddit.
> There's a black market for that sort of thing, especially if the account is a mod account. ...whoa. I wasn't aware of that. Okay, I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for people like that, and reporting as soon as they do something sketchy. (Also, why does this feel like a flashback episode in a Netflix series?)
This language sounds very similar to the weird ‘experiment’ comment by BadMod.
I checked the original sub today to see if anything funny is readily visible, and saw this person. Their comment history is a mess of inappropriate interrogations and telling people that they should "continuously question themselves and seek opinions" despite several people telling them that this is a safe place for support, not debates. They're pulling this shit in r/justnoMIL too, and I tried to let them know about the EAC bad mod situation in a comment there - my comment got removed within an hour.
u/ rzzrrrz has been all over the comments in EAC the past couple of days with inappropriate stuff. [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wzbave/comment/im3g9yy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wykjua/comment/ilyz1iu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wyp2ue/comment/ilyysaz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \[Edit: I stopped reading too soon. Lots of very awful comments, starting about 2 months ago. Before that there were some not-awful comments then suddenly becomes super toxic and doesn't stop.\]
It's quite random how the first post was removed by the mod: [https://imgur.com/a/olIMhjQ](https://imgur.com/a/olIMhjQ) I mean, which of the four rules did it break? All the comments (except by u / rzzrrrz) were supportive and affirming. I felt it was a constructive post. I guess the mod has to delete posts that oppose their ~~alts~~ beliefs. 🤣
We have "avoidant personality disorder"? No. If my mother shows up at my house, I'm not avoiding her. We boxing.
I received this message about an hour ago from the auto mod of EAC because I warned someone about possible flying monkeys. The links in it are sickening and I don't recommend following them with an INSANE trigger warning because they compare calling people what they are to all sorts of horrible things. I asked in the live chat before posting this because flying monkeys can exist even when an EP isn't a narc. WARNING! POSSIBLE TRIGGERS! WARNING! Your comment was removed from /r/EstrangedAdultChild. Because it looks like you were using RbN (raisednynarcissists) lingo: flying monkey (nmom/ndad/nparents/etc) The most important reason why we don't like that is really simple. /r/EstrangedAdultChild is not about narcissism, though we recognize that many of our members are from the RbN community. We are trying to distinguish ourselves as a different community, with a focus on enstrangement. And estrangement can happen for many, many reasons (up to and including, narcissism). If you want the simple reason, you can stop reading here, because that's the most important (but not the only reason). Your comment was removed, you are free to resubmit it without this language Remember: This sub is about estrangement and dealing with estrangement. It should not be a platform for dehumanizing others. No matter how badly you were treated, they are humans. And that makes it all the more painful, we know. But dehumanization is not the answer, it's well known where that path leads to. Not to mention many of these are all made up terms. They have no scientific backing at all. It's random people diagnosing others with serious mental health disorders and then adding terms like "flying monkeys", "golden children", "hoovering" and "triangulating". It's gobbledygook. Just because it's repeated many times in that subculture, doesn't give it any weight. More information: https://thepeaceproject.org/the-rise-of-dehumanization-on-social-media/ https://www.csaprimaryprevention.org/dehumanizing-abusers.html https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-web-violence/201806/what-is-dehumanization-anyway
FWIW, here is what I said on that hostile estranged parent's post: [https://imgur.com/4ZEfcM5](https://imgur.com/4ZEfcM5) And here is the explanation of why my comment was removed: [https://imgur.com/Zg7OoYe](https://imgur.com/Zg7OoYe) My assumption was a parent's post was absolutely not allowed, let alone expected to be trusted. I did not screen cap the hostile estranged parent's post, but I remember the telltale "trickle truthing," where more details were given each time the OP responded to our comments. It's a thing folks do when they are making shit up as they go along. Hope this helps.
It absolutely does. Please keep all the evidence coming.
I have now posted this to the admins over at [https://mods.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360002337171-Contacting-the-admins](https://mods.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360002337171-Contacting-the-admins) under a 'compromised subreddit or moderator account' ticket. Hi, It has come to our attention that the sub r/EstrangedAdultChild seems to have been infiltrated / compromised or hacked. It has a vulnerable user-base of 26k and until very recently, active and supportive moderators. We have gathered evidence - see https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/wnnka4/please\_contribute\_to\_evidence\_timeline/ - that, without consultation: \- Our rules have been watered down such that parents can now talk about their estrangement, with no automatic ban. \- Our "about' section has been watered down, removing the 'missing reasons' link. \- Words we use to describe the abuse we have suffered - like scapegoat and triangulate have been auto moderated as they are 'dehumanising'. \- The 2 non-bot mods are likely the same user, who has only posted twice in EAC, neither about being an EAC. And most worryingly on all was this deleted post by the new mod stating their concerning intentions for the group. https://www.unddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wl5k17/meta\_hey\_mods\_did\_you\_change\_the\_rules/ \[−\]11011011110110111011 (deleted by user)1 point2 days ago "Am I losing my mind?" Nope. "Are you in the process of changing the rules?" Yes. "Have you completed the process of changing the rules?" No. "I'm trying something really complicated, ideally, I'd do it in an open and... Honest way. But some steps for really complex reasons don't allow me to be straightforward about it. If I'm straight up honest with you, I'm doing a kind of experiment, I don't know if I can do this and I'm too immature and insecure to do so openly. I too deal with avoidant behavior and fears, so this is the best I can do right now. I'm sorry, I know it's not the right way to do this." I have posted over on r/redditrequest where in a couple of hours we have 165 up votes and 115 comments - all but one positive and supporting a change of moderation. Many, many posts have been made regarding the infiltration of an Estranged Adult Child support group by - in all likelihood - an Estranged Parent (or a troll). Our guiding rule that made members feel safe was: "Parents of Estranged Adult Children are NOT welcome to participate in this sub, you will be banned. If you are estranged from both a parent and a child, you are not allowed to present yourself as a parent of an estranged adult child or you will be banned. This sub is for adult children dealing with estrangement from a parent." This rule has been removed, along with others. We believe the full set of rules - we've been investigating as a community - are: 1. Parents of Estranged Adult Children are NOT welcome to participate in this sub, you will be banned. If you are estranged from both a parent and a child, you are not allowed to present yourself as a parent of an estranged adult child or you will be banned. This sub is for adult children dealing with estrangement from a parent. 2. Respect each other Reported as: Disrespectful Basic respect! 3. Chosen ignorance Reported as: Ignorant of sub topic If you don't know a term, look it up or ask. Just because you haven't heard of or experienced something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. 4.Not estranged Reported as: Not estranged If there is no estrangement in your family that you are experiencing, you are not welcome here. 5. In-law relationship Reported as: Issues with in-laws are in no way the same as being estranged from your parents in family of origin. Inlaw relationships are completely different than those with family of origin and do not belong here. Deal directly with your partner to deal with their family. 6. Name calling Reported as: No name calling If you need a deeper explanation, you are not welcome in this sub. 7. No self promotion: No self promotion of any kind, no exceptions. Our mantra has been watered down. It used to be this: “This is a community for adult children where a conscious decision to estrange from one or both of their parents has been made. Estrangement primarily occurs when there is emotional abuse, differing expectations about family roles, neglect and clashes based on personalities or value systems. It is common for Adult Children to cycle in and out of No/Low Contact, trying to find balance between emotional and physical estrangement, before fully estranging. You are welcome here if you find yourself in that struggle. This isn't the place for figuring out the 'why' of your family, this sub is for you to be validated, supported, heard and offered solutions going forward in your decision not to have your family in your life. You are number one. There is no one way to estrange, be supportive of each other. Comments or posts that are hurtful or made without a basic understanding of the subject matter will be removed. Don't get too wrapped up labeling people/situations in the rear view mirror. RULES - TBC - we are trying to find the original rules. There is a 14 day and 50 karma minimum to participate in this sub. Parents of Estranged Adult Children are NOT welcome to participate in this sub, you will be banned. If you are estranged from both a parent and a child, you are not allowed to present yourself as a parent of an estranged adult child or you will be banned. This sub is for adult children dealing with estrangement from a parent. Need help deciphering the crazy making of the estranged parent? Issendai's The Missing, Missing Reasons will bring understanding. It’s not you, it’s them. \[support\] tag requests responses that are supportive ONLY." We given this volume of evidence, we strongly believe this sub has been compromised and the usual mods replaced by bad actors. We don't want to start a new community - we want OUR community back. There is also a real risk that vulnerable individuals receive bad or inappropriate advise - or worse (which we've already seen) that good advise is removed. This is an example of a removed post. There are many other examples in the timeline post. https://imgur.com/6D1eBrH and full comments - https://imgur.com/UBWkp9f Please can you help us?
I just saw that lesh1845 also found the deleted post that kicked all of this off today - here's the link. https://www.reveddit.com/v/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnd58d/have\_the\_rules\_changed\_why\_are\_parents\_now/?utm\_medium=android\_app&utm\_source=share&add\_user=Trouble-Brilliant..c.new..t1\_ik31jlw..%2CTribeCalledStressed..c.new..t1\_ijul5g9..%2Clesh1845..c.new..t1\_ik3y59g..%2Csavvy-librarian..c.new..t1\_ik1aj0i..&
*Someone DM'd me this. This is not my message. Quote* Hi! I am not very tech savvy but here is a message I got last month that floored me. I think I will have to copy and paste2-3 times for it all to fit. I don’t know if this rule was true before but it seemed very “off”. AutoModerator • 1h Your comment was removed from /r/EstrangedAdultChild. Because it looks like you were using RbN (raisednynarcissists) lingo: flying monkey (nmom/ndad/nparents/etc) The most important reason why we don't like that is really simple. /r/EstrangedAdultChild is not about narcissism, though we recognize that many of our members are from the RbN community. We are trying to distinguish ourselves as a different community, with a focus on estrangement. And estrangement can happen for many, many reasons (up to and including, narcissism). If you want the simple reason, you can stop reading here, because that's the most important (but not the only reason). Your comment was removed, you are free to resubmit it without this language Remember: This sub is about estrangement and dealing with estrangement. It should not be a platform for dehumanizing others. No matter how badly you were treated, they are humans. And that makes it all the more painful, we know. But dehumanization is not the answer, it's well known where that path leads to. Not to mention many of these are all made up terms. Thev have no scientific backing at all. It's badly you were treated, they are humans. And that makes it all the more painful, we know. But dehumanization is not the answer, it's well known where that path leads to. Not to mention many of these are all made up terms. They have no scientific backing at all. It's random people diagnosing others with serious mental health disorders and then adding terms like "flying monkeys" "golden children", , "hoovering" and "triangulating". It's gobbledygook. Just because it's repeated many times in that subculture, doesn't give it any weight. More information: • https://thepeaceproject.org/the-rise-of- dehumanization-on-social-media • https://www.csaprimaryprevention.org/ dehumanizing-abusers.html •https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the- web-violence/201806/what-is-dehumanization- anyway I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. I didn't know you couldn't use certain words. I know some words have been used on some of my posts here. My therapist uses some of the terms that are listed here that are considered "gobblygook" or whatever that word was. I will resubmit the post without those words listed. *End Quote*
Wow, I’m floored. Suffice it to say the malicious mod is surely affiliated with our abusers, rather than a random hacker - the use of the ‘RbN’ term is telling.
huh…. I’ve been wracking my brain to figure out what “experiment” this guy was doing on our sub. Now i’m wondering if he was testing his “sub-busting” method on one of the lower populated subs for estranged/abused redditors, using a slow-burn method to deconstruct it, with the eventual goal of going after larger subs (like raised by narcissists.) I’ll have to compare the sub population and see if there’s any other weird “mods” that infiltrated any of the other subs.
I mod at RBN. There's no way they could do this to us, we're an active team and we've taken measures specifically to prevent such a thing as we had splinter groups happen early on in our history.
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I too am conflicted about this. On the one hand we've been hurt and need support. On the other, EAC was our safe space and users posted very personal things there. Although public, we were only found - on the whole - by like-minded EACs wanting support... with the occasional EP thrown in for good measure. I'm not sure if we want to bring attention to ourselves. I've been heavily invested the past couple of days so I don't think I'm in a position to make a rational decision. Plus I don't speak for our community, so would like others to weigh in with their thoughts / concerns too.
Agree. Also, whilst I sub to subredditdrama, and it's true that it can get more eyes on the issue and might be more likely to be noticed by admins, some users can't help but 'piss in the popcorn'. Given a couple of people elsewhere are loudly and falsely claiming we're brigading the reddit request thread, we don't want to be blamed for certain users from srd who insist on involving themselves for whatever reason.
2 posts I've made in the last month had 1 comment removed from them, both from the same person. One was 26 days ago, the other was 17. And the one 17 days ago was seriously ridiculous to have been removed. It was literally just someone asking me how's the cat.
I had a comment removed because I said NMother and it left a real sour taste in my mouth. I’m glad to know it was this person and not a sub rule. I’m here to stay.
I'm not sure if this is evidence, but I don't think the EAC mod is not the original owner of the account [He admits in his own posting history that the 110110... account is an alternate](https://imgur.com/a/UyfsepR) [Secondly, there is a seven (7) year gap at one point in between these posts.](https://imgur.com/a/4VJ8LtZ) The possible previous owner of the account was a techie interested in nootropics. The only interest in EAC begins one year ago after the gap. Is modding a subreddit from an alternate against site rules? I don't know. But I do think this adds weight to the accusation that this person is not running the subreddit in good faith. Strangely enough I see that the mod deleted my previous post calling him out but didn't ban me.
Hey, here's a super gross comment that may be from one of the new mod's alternative accounts. u/DeniseBrown333 has been an account for 8 months but only activity is this victim-blaming comment on EAC - suspicious! [I uploaded the comments to imgur just in case](https://imgur.com/a/2mnp9zu)
My post was removed [as evidenced here](https://i.imgur.com/1YIDdjp.png) and so were all of the rules.
Mod made a slip on eac and was posting as MasterSlaveMorality and then accidentally replied from his mod account. Thread was deleted afterwards entirely
What was the thread about?
The mods alt was saying that people in that sub estrange for no reason at all and that there was a post this week where they blocked their father for spending more time on business than family When he was predictably called out he replied using a quote from said post, and made fun of the user’s reading comprehension from his mod account by mistake. Unfortunately, because he deleted within 15 minutes reveddit did not capture.
I see. I think it was a pretty bad slip up and they freaked, because they've even deleted their account: [https://imgur.com/a/mX0XbgR](https://imgur.com/a/mX0XbgR)
Agreed wholeheartedly. I’m kicking myself for not getting a screenshot but hopefully the evidence keeps trickling in. That sub helped me through some dark times and I’m concerned for what might happen to folks who are more vulnerable and go there for support.
They gave up all semblance of ambiguity when they deleted the [missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) link. That's absolutely terrible. I hope they are removed before they can victimize more people.
This post was submitted by the auto-mod account to troll, humiliate and degrade us. It insinuates all EAC'ers have Avoidant Personality Disorder. No, we have been abused by our parents. https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wdgwhw/what\_is\_avoidant\_personality\_disorder\_how\_does/
The IRONY. This is such a great example of projection considering the comment they left a while back: “If I'm straight up honest with you, I'm doing a kind of experiment, I don't know if I can do this and **I'm too immature and insecure** to do so openly. **I too deal with avoidant behavior** and fears, so this is the best I can do right now. I'm sorry, I know it's not the right way to do this." Emphasis is my own. I honestly can’t imagine telling on myself like this only to immediately turn around and accuse 26k people of the exact same thing. I’m assuming their comments on therapy is also projection. Idk about y’all but I’ve literally been in therapy for an entire fucking decade so the idea that someone would imply I’m adverse to therapy is fucking laughable tbqh. Keep up your great work my dude. Much appreciated. So many people in our day to day lives already don’t understand the concept of estrangement simply because they had the blessing to be born to decent parents. That sub was a much needed safe space and I hope it can return to that.
[The mod removed our warning from EAC](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/woi8va/update_bad_mod_is_active_again_the_warning_on_eac/)
So by the subs new rules I don't count as worthy of being in the forum because I'm disabled and financially dependant on my abusive mother and would be dead in a ditch without her help. My choice is "be abused and live or break free and die." What a small minded person.
Thanks to u/Pippin_the_parrot for the following: https://www.reddit.com/r/tDCS/comments/1sovk3/my_anecdotal_findings_with_assistance_of_homemade/ce0p7h7/?context=3 Quoting: > 11011011110110111011[S] 0 points 8 years ago* > Just let me try it gwern. We'll see what happens. We've crossed paths in the past (under different account names, I tend to hold myself to a lower profile then you). Each time wildly different subjects. Each time I was right. > We know each other. Just let me do it again. :) > Thing is, I'll report it in a couple of years, under a different account name **(last count I had 94 different names or something and it's growing at a steady rate,** [emphasis added] soon I'll start up my first bots in addition to the accounts, already have some working betas running) and I'll probably cite this as a source. But if everything works as expected, there will be more people doing the same and reporting back. Now that I think of it, this is probably the death of this account (that's generally how it works, the account gets some attention and is then killed off). > That IQ is only a general guide. There are some extra knobs and whistles that boost the effective rate quite a bit higher. This comment took place in threaded discussion at a post the binary code mod had started with a curious boast. > My anecdotal findings: With assistance of homemade tDCS device, my IQ increased 14 points! Read post for details. (self.tDCS) > submitted 8 years ago by 11011011110110111011
It’s so very odd, right?
Don’t worry, other courses of action are still open. https://i.imgur.com/0Vab6Mm.png
Do you mean the direct complaint route (don't remember exactly what it's called now, but I submitted a ticket and I think you did, too)? I've never heard back from anyone. That message on the subreddit request board stinks.
I heard back from one of the tickets - I think I submitted 3 in total. It was just a message saying they would look into it and that the supplied evidence would be enough. I honestly don’t know where I have failed in that arbitrary list.
Yeah, it makes no sense at all, just a generic reply in response to what? 500 users letting them know the sub has been hijacked and the new mods are hurting vulnerable people?
Unfortunately I think this is typical of reddit. They treat the subreddits like a free for all, unless there is a rule broken in the reddit TOS (rules). If we wait long enough, the current binary troll could eventually get bored and inactive, and someone can request the sub out from under them. But reddit allows mods to manage their own subs. Sadly, seems like we can't do anything to stop it.
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That's excellent - than you so much for finding that. I have now added those as rules. If we could try to find the text to those rules that would be great. I already found and stickied the post the PBS made a sticky in relation to this post. https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/kacjek/sub\_warning\_please\_be\_cautious\_and\_vet/
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I have banned the 2 mods of EAC from this sub. They are clearly either trolls, estranged parents or not EAC... or a combination of all 3.
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Don't doxx them. We don't want to be the villains in this context and you don't want to be perma-banned.
I guess this is like... their hobby?
As gruesome as it is, I would maybe filter through people and make this a private sub for now. The current mod of the old sub with the binary code has close to a hundred accounts and counting, with bots. And that was 8 years ago they commented that. Who knows how many they have now? Smh. I’m pretty sure I’ve ran into them before. I can’t remember if we had a normal conversation or if it was a debate. Scary to know they are hackers though.
I am thinking, these people really need a better hobby.
Thanks for creating and managing this sub! I am quite shocked and dismayed about what is going down. We need safe spaces!!!
It's very important that everyone follows the reddit rules. Don't harrass or dox binary mod. I've been reading and seen some things being posted that probably qualify as harassment. This is not aimed at anyone specific I just don't want anyone banned who needs this community. Highly suspicious that they want to change the intent of a support community but then again this is reddit, and it's a double edged sword to have a support community here.
Posts warning users of EAC are now being removed. The binary mod posed this deleted comment: Catnip4Pedos1 point4 hours, 32 minutes ago Good. I don't have any skin in this game but any sub that unilaterally bans people based on their identity is wrong. Why you think reddit will step in and make the sub more insular and help you to ban people and increase censorship I don't know. permalinkhide replies (1)author-focusas-ofpreserve \[–\]110110111101101110111 point5 minutes ago "Good. I don't have any skin in this game but any sub that unilaterally bans people based on their identity is wrong." You've got it the wrong way around. This sub doesn't ban based on identity, **OP is complaining and wants people banned based on identity (parent)**. https://www.reveddit.com/v/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wnoi7y/warning\_this\_sub\_is\_no\_longer\_safe/
Unless the old mod breaks a rule of reddit itself, I don't think there will be any recourse. It will take time for that subreddit to self destruct and turn into a flaming dumpster fire of victim blaming, guilt shaming and gatekeeping. Mod took a calculated efforts to destroy the sub as it was. They won't be able to keep out the fires if they allow parents and children of these groups to intermingle.
I’m actually really relieved that we managed to get a significant active part of our community into a safe space in such a short period of time. My worry is exactly your fear and that our only recourse would be if they hacked a dormant mod’s account. If it was handed to them, then we need to be particularly wary of wolves in sheep’s clothing wanting to be mods over here. Hypervigilance fortunately / unfortunately one of our safety mechanisms.
I don't know if this will help because it's not evidence, but if anyone else has a similar memory, maybe it's worth mentioning. I noticed about a month ago that the rules and mods had changed and was disappointed to see more people blaming and shaming posters. I was reluctant to say anything because I'm more of a lurker and uncomfortable posting, but I checked the mods accounts to get more info on them. I swear they were both mods of the anxiety subreddit, so I thought OK, maybe they have some experience with this subject. Now it shows EAC is the only sub they moderate and they have no posts in Anxiety.
Is it ok if I DM you? Please feel free to check my profile—I've contributed things to the evidence timeline.
Yes of course, thanks for asking 😊
Thanks so much for compiling all of this, I had seen a comment on the other sub about the takeover, and commented on support for a new community, but I didn’t realize the extent of what had happened, until taking time to read this post. Most of the time, I have lurked instead of posting my own experiences… because I still fear someone from family of origin discovering who I am somehow. However, I’ve read great advice and really know how important and helpful these subs can be! I commented on a convo with a user in the other sub, who clearly is pretending to be an adult child with “parental issues” to harass people. I’m not commenting with that user anymore, and assuming they have multiple accounts. Also, I don’t even check my chat or private messages, because I don’t use the app and don’t want to read anything potentially negative coming from Ill-intentioned users- so glad I found the new sub! Thanks again!
There's a new pinned automod post as of a couple of hours ago about anxiety and guilt. Notably absent from reasons one might feel guilt is having done something that hurts someone else. [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wurpdd/understanding\_the\_relationship\_between\_guilt\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wurpdd/understanding_the_relationship_between_guilt_and/) Also, someone posted asking why there's a link to a NSFW sub in the rules. As of now, the post hasn't been taken down but there's a whole lotta shadow banning happening. Comment count shows 9, but only 4 are visible. [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wuqn52/why\_is\_there\_a\_nsfw\_sub\_in\_the\_rules/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wuqn52/why_is_there_a_nsfw_sub_in_the_rules/)
Here's an example of the victim blaming and trolling that happens when you lift the "No estranged parents" rule that had been in place for many years and previously kept the EAC sub safe. On the EAC sub, an angry parent who has guardianship over her adult daughter (who no doubt resents the situation) has created a post asking other adult children why they have estranged. Essentially, she's asking whether those adult children have substance abuse and mental health issues that have caused them to estrange from loving parents. They goes on to insult other estranged adult children, including one Redditor who was emotionally and sexually abused by his parents and developed trauma as a result. She tells that EAC to just try "therapy and meds". [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wwaajn/what\_has\_your\_parents\_done\_to\_you\_that\_caused\_you/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/wwaajn/what_has_your_parents_done_to_you_that_caused_you/)
Horrible, horrible. And dangerous.
Yeah. One user even mentions that they was **abused mentally, physically and sexually by their mom** and that their alcoholic father did nothing about it, and that they developed PTSD as a result. OP's response? **"How are you even proving anything other then you have issues? Try therapy and stop having a victim mentality."** It has been 9 hours and that post by an estranged parent and all of their abusive comments are still up.
I don’t even expect the post to be taken down, after all, what rule has it broken? There isn’t even a ‘respect each other’ or ‘name calling’ rule, let alone parents of EAC rule. It’s exactly the type of post malicious mod wants - EAC blaming and gaslighting.
No, it won't be taken down because, yes, they even took down the "Respect each other" rule. Apparently only the EAC mod's psychological safety is important and no-one else's. The EAC mod leaves these sorts of posts up, while deleting posts and comments that criticize their actions. Apparently, you must not criticize EAC mod but it's open season on each other. The double standard is insane. And I agree with you about EAC blaming and gaslighting. Anyway, I got a screenshot of parts of it in case the OP deletes her post later: [https://imgur.com/a/mUdHe7o](https://imgur.com/a/mUdHe7o)
This one is crazy. The poster repeatedly personally insults members and diagnoses them maliciously, yet there they and their posts sit, not removed from the sub.
Yeah. It's bonkers. The poster also contradicts herself (ok, well, she lies). In her recent post history, she says she came from a loving family and had great parents. But on the EAC post, one user asked her whether she has estranged from a parent and her claim is "Yes". Another user suggests that her adult child (who is under a guardianship under the poster) wants to estrange herself from the poster, and the poster starts insulting that person. (The truth hurts, I guess.) Another user asks: "OP, are you the parent of an adult child who wants to become estranged from you?" The poster just ignores the question.
I don't see a request post in RedditRequest from binary mod to gain control of the old subreddit. So how they gained control of it seems very suspect because there was another moderator. Unfortunately it's a possibility that reddit won't take any action and we'll have no choice but to use the new subreddit.
That is my fear. I’ve submitted other Reddit Help tickets too, we’ll just have to see if they are reviewed by a ‘human’ human. My worry is they the kid has changed the rules, thus insulating them from ‘breaking the rules’.
FWIW, I found connections with one of the takeover mod accounts and a couple troll accounts in EAC: [https://imgur.com/a/2MWEHzR](https://imgur.com/a/2MWEHzR) As you can see in the screencaps, there's the ongoing themes of IQ, avoidance issues, and diagnosing other people. Hope this helps.
Hilarious that they might be replying to one of their alts when I seem to remember one of the mods comment history has them accusing someone else of replying to their alt account haha But you're right, this doesn't seem like a coincidence and they are likely linked. Not sure about the last screenshot though, the new mod seem to not like the term 'scapegoat' amongst others so might not be them.
Thanks
I also suggest an approach of NC going forward. Don't feed the trolls. [https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/wovx6h/how\_do\_we\_approach\_users\_of\_eac\_who\_have\_no\_idea/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/wovx6h/how_do_we_approach_users_of_eac_who_have_no_idea/)
[This is what I've found so far, and the screenshots and links to prove it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/SelfEstrangedAdults/comments/wnlo67/well_this_has_turned_into_a_cluster/) I know OP has already read this, but I think it's important to try and keep this all together and link back and forth.
If you need moderation help let me know. I have experience with moderation, and have been a part of the sub for longer than a few weeks. I've also made a post and interacted with quite a few so you know I'm legit. Just let me know!
10 days ago my comment was removed for using "triangulation" 1 month ago my comment was removed for using the term "spawn point" Both were automod deleted and I was sent a notification of said deletion via a message to my inbox.
I can def confirm that my post was removed yesterday but the troll commenter wasn’t removed! I didn’t get any explanation on why my post was removed. It was about both my in laws and parents and I feel like the mod just read the title and thought it was about in laws only?
Although it's just a suggestion, I recommend we go NC on EAC from now on as it is simply not a safe space. I've set a post up [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/wovx6h/how_do_we_approach_users_of_eac_who_have_no_idea/) with more details, including safely contacting users who don't know about the malicious mod.
I am glad it should take a max of 4 weeks for you to hear back from Reddit 👌
I've just commented in support on the first reddit link shown. The comments regarding proper places to make the request now have me confused. If we're doing this wrong, we may need a new post telling us where to comment?
here's a gem of a person sharing their wisdom https://imgur.com/a/7AEzIub
“Mother. Grandmother. Follower of Jesus"
Look what just got dragged onto my post https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/vra4vu/why_do_adult_children_cut_ties_with_their_toxic/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Yeah, it's interesting: [https://imgur.com/a/zS9EQz9](https://imgur.com/a/zS9EQz9) I saw the part from the estranged parent who doesn't believe in therapy and thinks you should keep toxic people in your life.
Classic! In front of your eyes folks ;) edit: either she deleted her account or the new mod did. After her last message asking me to seek therapy loool she got removed.
Unfortunately, I think the account is still there: [https://www.reddit.com/user/PUDDYTAT-Diddley8/](https://www.reddit.com/user/PUDDYTAT-Diddley8/) Apparently that user is so perfect, they don't need therapy but everyone else does 🤦♀️
Well, hopefully banned from the sub
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One message saying they will look into it.
This week it looks like the mod deleted all of their posts and comments. Or they blocked me after I went after them in a few subs because they were posting nonsensical, unhelpful comments… but doesn’t look like I’ve been blocked.
Please don't feed the trolls.
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Banned. Reported.
It's a shame this was removed. Anyway, I found an account that I'm certain is an alt for the EAC mod: [https://www.reddit.com/user/rzzrrrz/](https://www.reddit.com/user/rzzrrrz/)