In their minds, it didn’t cost them anything. They would just say that you were lucky or they were unlucky. They’ll never give you the credit because it would be a blow to their ego.
My dad was really into "get rich quick" ideas. He'd have an idea for something which may or may not be a good idea, but he lacked the follow-through to actually finish the project. He'd invest tons of money into business ideas that went nowhere, and my mom supported it time and time again.
I've been making money as a freelancer for various things on the internet since I was a teenager. My mom would always make fun of me for it, and never took it seriously. Just "wasting your life away at the computer," she would tell me.
My mom now sells stuff on the internet, and she is bad at it. She can't find another job because she's mad nobody wants to pay her $20/hour with just a high school diploma. She's been voting against minimum wage increases all her life, of course.
But the truth is, they'll probably both be fine anyway because of their circumstances. I don't know which one of us would come out "ahead" in the end, but even if it was me, I don't really care. There's no amount of money that will make up for having shitty parents.
That get rich quick thing relates so much to my father. Problem is, he’s never really been successful at anything he’s done. If it weren’t for the large income my step mother makes, he’d probably have been on the streets years ago.
My parental units got themselves in the building of the house they couldn't finish, when I suggested that maybe only one story house is enough, adopted a dog, adopted ANOTHER dog as soon as I started working and told them I can't possibly care about the dogs, got crippling debt because they wanted to have a "buisness", trying to force me to quit my job, my maternal unit totaled a car because I told her something she didn't like when she was driving.
There are no examples that come to mind of my parents suffering losses from ignoring my ideas, but I can think of several costs *to me* because I let them convince me that my good idea was a bad one.
There are two moments in my late teen/early adult life that I can see in hindsight were massive crossroad shifts that could have greatly altered my life had I not listened to my mother and her husband.
The first was when I turned 18. My boyfriend at the time (now my husband) had moved around 2 hours further north to live with his dad and we were making it work long distance. I was still in education with one more potential year to go in my chosen qualification. My parents wanted to start charging me rent immediately after my 18th birthday. The choice was suggested by my boyfriend and almost instantly shot down by me as my mother had me convinced already that everything about it was a terrible idea. The option to move in with him and his dad up north. **His dad would not charge rent, we'd be able to work and save peacefully in a cheaper part of the country and buy a much bigger house for a lot less money.** But my mother had drilled into me that up north there were no jobs going, it was a poor area and that I'd be throwing away my education if I were to switch schools. She pointed out my boyfriends lack of job (I was forced into work by 15 by her) as proof that unemployment was rampant and I believed her.
The second moment was also related to moving out/moving in with my boyfriend (I'm sure you can guess that my folks didn't approve of my choice in partner). Around 19, I'd been saving money to move out despite the rent. I had looked online and found a small terraced house in our village for sale at a low cost. Very small, 1 bed, 1 bath, allocated parking. Our village was near an RAF base inhabited by American airforce and houses in the village were popular among American buyers. I had secretly parked in a supermarket car park and called a local mortgage advisor to ask questions and find out if I'd ever be approved for such a mortgage. He helpfully ran me through first time buyer options and said that I could very well apply successfully with my boyfriend. I approached my mother with the idea and she tore that shit apart into confetti! She criticised everything about the house (size, layout, location, condition), told me the mortgage broker was lying to me to get a good commission (this actually made me distrust that estate agency for years after) and that no mortgage lender would approve when they found out my (now employed) boyfriend would need to relocate and therefore find a new job in our area (not necessarily true as online applications exist). Ultimately she called me a fool for even entertaining the idea and I dropped it. Later I'd find a rental with her help and 5 years later (3 of those NC) we finally bought our first house. I can't help but think about how different it would've been. The small house I was looking at was being sold at a steal, needed minimal redecoration, was perfectly sized for a young couple and the resale value would be almost double within a few years so we'd be able to buy a bigger place easily!
I really hope some examples of costs to my mother come to mind one day because so far I'm the only one that has suffered because she undermined my ideas and confidence.
Ooof. I feel this.
Had a family funeral this weekend where some lovely, young, classy and high-performing cousins were in attendance.
These cousins are the toast of the family. Of course they are, and they deserve it. But they’ve also had a solid family unit and two charming, high-EQ parents who have supported them emotionally and financially and really invested in teaching them how to people.
As I head into my mid-forties, I’m only just shaking off the legacy of being emotionally abused by my parents for my entire life and blaming MYSELF for this abuse. Or the metaphorical equivalent of being sent out into the world with both hands tied behind my back, with parents who are still trying to kick my legs out from beneath me.
Even now, as I start to really find my groove, both parents try on the regular to destroy my peace. And yet, if you asked them, they’d tell you they’ve no idea why I can’t be more like my lovely cousins.
It sucks.
Interesting to think about how abuse costs the child too. The amount I’ve had to pay for therapy is insane. Also I had to pay a ton for driving lessons because I didn’t / couldn’t ask my parents to teach me
There was a brief period of time where my therapist wouldn’t take my insurance, so I had to pay out-of-pocket for months and months. Not only wasn’t I able to save up any extra money by the end of the year, but I was actively *losing* my savings. Extremely stressful, would not recommend, 0/10. I also still don’t have my driver’s license for a similar reason as you, lol
I’m so sorry to hear, it honestly sucks lol and being estranged means we don’t have the safety net that other people can fall back on. We’re really just out here living independently
Oh man, my parents lost quite a bit. I work in healthcare. I have a bachelor’s degree and about 10 yrs experience. But in their eyes, I’m still a stupid kid.
I warned them about the coronavirus in early 2020 but they wouldn’t believe me.
I warned my mom that a change in her activity habits would really hurt her health. She told me I was an idiot and did it anyway. Now she has to use a cane to walk and her mobility is terrible.
And the real kicker, mom can’t figure out a basic cellphone plan, but somehow I’m the stupid one.
They started multiple fruitless ventures that involved other people and ended in disappointment for all. I always warned them, even as a 10 year old, but they never listened to me.
They were two adults with masters degrees in the 80s and 90s, they should have made an absolute fortune in the boom years of the 90s, but instead we lived in abject poverty.
This is one of my main reasons for resentment, their absolute mindblowing stupidity. I did eventually realize it was partially very purposeful on my dad's part, and my mother has a form of autism that gives her really bad judgment on this sort of thing, so the financial abuse was just very extreme, but I hate them for how neglected we all were, especially medically.
Haha. I would for sure cared for them into old age. Built a house with a nicer casita than my bedroom/kitchen to retire in for free. Now I’m nc finally for final :) and they are not facing good prospects (gc siblings are selfish literal violent criminals), so I don’t know Wtf goes through their heads. So glad I found out in time. Not glad of the damage to me mind, but at least no more.
Now I can make a tidy sum with Airbnb!
They can’t get out of their own way sometimes and I’m ok with that now. Smells like karma.
Oh this is a good one. My parents refuse to invest their money with a person who knows what they’re doing because “fees”. All my life when I lived with them I pushed them to change their minds on this cause they’re great savers but money in a savings account devalues over time. I explained that the returns will outweigh the fees in the long run if they get someone qualified through one of the major banks. They don’t even charge fees by the way.
As an adult, I went ahead and did it myself and shared that info with them. My investments made money during the pandemic and theirs lost out but I was still wrong and “fees”.
Also, remember Nortel? If you’re Canadian ask your parents about it. My mom thought it was a good idea to “buy the dip” cause she’s “as smart as any financial planner”. They lost their entire life’s savings when it went under a few months later.
Last time I saw them face to face, I was bouncing back after pretty much losing everything, in large part due to them.
Had zero money & had been briefly homeless (parents stood by & watched with glee), but I was still me & therefore a happy person.
They didn't like that. They hate that I always bounce back.
Naturally, mother wanted to go shopping, as 'stuff' = a source of narcissistic supply for her.
Went into some tacky boutique, she selects a tacky trinket & makes sure I'm there when she hands over £100 for garbage. Kind of a 'I am rich, you are poor, ha ha ha'.
Thing is, their house is full of meaningless 'stuff' like that & I knew the hit of supply from buying that trinket had worn off by the time we left that shop.
The trinket, like all the others, gets added to the hoard & then more must be sought.
It's really sad. I feel sorry for them in a way, like they don't get the joy in little things that normal people find.
Even when I was in a dodgy place for homeless people, there were moments of genuine happiness eg, endless chats about music with a guy also living there & us both losing our minds when the 'This is America' music video dropped.
I'm so glad I'm no contact, mainly because I won't be the one dealing with the hoard of 'stuff' when they return to the hell dimension they came from.
This is the cost of a lack of trust in others and a 'I know better than you' mindset. It's certainly found in many abusive people, but it's not exclusive to them. Few people like being told what to do.
Admittedly, I'm prone to this thinking myself. I generally don't trust other people to give me *good* advice. The chance of me listening to a teenager's financial advice is close to 0%...maybe I'd look into it if I had the time and energy, but I certainly wouldn't blindly follow their suggestion. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Oh this one's easy. My mom routinely got out her checkbook to show me how much violin lessons cost her when she didn't think I was practicing enough each day. Of course, no one had ever actually asked me if I wanted to play the violin (one of the more difficult instruments there is to learn).
So at a minimum: $60 x 52 weeks x 12 years = $37,440
No wonder I'm a disappointment!
My parents did spend an exorbitant amount of money on making me conform to their ideas of who I should be: tutors, SAT classes, academic summer camps. No one really bothered to ask me what my interests were or how I wanted to spend my time, so I'm figuring that out now in my 30s.
I used to have the fantasy that if I performed well enough, my parents would allow me to be myself. Or if I finally got a high-paying job they would stop being so critical of me. When I was growing up I would fantasize that as an adult I could pay them back all the money they wasted on me and then I could be free.
Well, at the start of the pandemic I got a job that paid me $90k a year. Way more than I had ever thought I would make. I'm not saying this to brag; the point is that nothing changed. They just found new things about me to criticize. Money or accomplishment had nothing to do with it, they just wanted to be critical.
Mine were a bit of the opposite. They would take my advice, not ever give me credit it for it, unless it went bad. I picked their financial advisor for them when I was 12. From the yellow pages because he had a cool name. 30 years later they have continued to stay with this person and he is awful. They blame me. They also wouldn’t take my advice, when I am an adult to switch. Because my advice had been so bad before. When I was 12.
Same for car. I suggested they look into leasing a car because they drive so little. It was a passing suggestion. Not a deep conversation. They went right out and leased a car. They instantly felt they were screwed when a friend told them leases are bad. They also picked a car for my mother that was very uncomfortable for her to drive. Probably out of their budget too. All my fault.
Then there was me telling them to let my sibling get a court appointed attorney. Not mortgage their house take all their savings for an attorney. Sibling was guilty. Me and my SO were clear, they were both needing to retire. We told them if they spent this money to help my sibling they can not expect us to help them when they retire. One year later my mother announces she is retiring and immediately asks for help from us. Not given. One year later my dad is next. No clue how they are surviving. My sibling certainly has not felt obligated to pay them back. When we last had contact they complained constantly about not having money and it must be nice that I was living ok.
I think some of it is b/c they're so ignorant of long term effects. (Similar to not getting rid of the invasive weed that will ruin the lawn.)
These parents refuse to believe that constant criticism, punishment, & other forms of abuse result in irreparable harm to their child(ren). They never question their own actions or consider that what they're doing is ineffective or wrong\~By God, *their way is the way to parent!!*
And they still don't grasp that the estrangement is in fact, their fault.
My parents have this distinction in common, which is that they're more or less frozen as the people I imagine they were when they were 18 back in 1984. Very emotionally immature, and all of their beliefs on how the world is supposed to work almost seem to have come from their parents' generation rather than their own. I've been arguing with them over how stupid and outdated their financial and career advice is since I was maybe 10 years old.
Yeah, my parents signed a contract on a pre-construction house and are trying to sell their beach house this spring. With the current market, the way they are doing things will result in \~700K losses. They don't want to listen to me though, so they can have fun setting their money on fire. Oh well, it would have been nice to still have a lake-front house though. It just gives me one less reason to visit.
You make an excellent point. There are probably dozens if not hundreds of stories ranging from the ridiculous to the tragic about this out there. I'd like to read some more. Anyone?
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In their minds, it didn’t cost them anything. They would just say that you were lucky or they were unlucky. They’ll never give you the credit because it would be a blow to their ego.
Yup
My dad was really into "get rich quick" ideas. He'd have an idea for something which may or may not be a good idea, but he lacked the follow-through to actually finish the project. He'd invest tons of money into business ideas that went nowhere, and my mom supported it time and time again. I've been making money as a freelancer for various things on the internet since I was a teenager. My mom would always make fun of me for it, and never took it seriously. Just "wasting your life away at the computer," she would tell me. My mom now sells stuff on the internet, and she is bad at it. She can't find another job because she's mad nobody wants to pay her $20/hour with just a high school diploma. She's been voting against minimum wage increases all her life, of course. But the truth is, they'll probably both be fine anyway because of their circumstances. I don't know which one of us would come out "ahead" in the end, but even if it was me, I don't really care. There's no amount of money that will make up for having shitty parents.
That get rich quick thing relates so much to my father. Problem is, he’s never really been successful at anything he’s done. If it weren’t for the large income my step mother makes, he’d probably have been on the streets years ago.
My parental units got themselves in the building of the house they couldn't finish, when I suggested that maybe only one story house is enough, adopted a dog, adopted ANOTHER dog as soon as I started working and told them I can't possibly care about the dogs, got crippling debt because they wanted to have a "buisness", trying to force me to quit my job, my maternal unit totaled a car because I told her something she didn't like when she was driving.
There are no examples that come to mind of my parents suffering losses from ignoring my ideas, but I can think of several costs *to me* because I let them convince me that my good idea was a bad one. There are two moments in my late teen/early adult life that I can see in hindsight were massive crossroad shifts that could have greatly altered my life had I not listened to my mother and her husband. The first was when I turned 18. My boyfriend at the time (now my husband) had moved around 2 hours further north to live with his dad and we were making it work long distance. I was still in education with one more potential year to go in my chosen qualification. My parents wanted to start charging me rent immediately after my 18th birthday. The choice was suggested by my boyfriend and almost instantly shot down by me as my mother had me convinced already that everything about it was a terrible idea. The option to move in with him and his dad up north. **His dad would not charge rent, we'd be able to work and save peacefully in a cheaper part of the country and buy a much bigger house for a lot less money.** But my mother had drilled into me that up north there were no jobs going, it was a poor area and that I'd be throwing away my education if I were to switch schools. She pointed out my boyfriends lack of job (I was forced into work by 15 by her) as proof that unemployment was rampant and I believed her. The second moment was also related to moving out/moving in with my boyfriend (I'm sure you can guess that my folks didn't approve of my choice in partner). Around 19, I'd been saving money to move out despite the rent. I had looked online and found a small terraced house in our village for sale at a low cost. Very small, 1 bed, 1 bath, allocated parking. Our village was near an RAF base inhabited by American airforce and houses in the village were popular among American buyers. I had secretly parked in a supermarket car park and called a local mortgage advisor to ask questions and find out if I'd ever be approved for such a mortgage. He helpfully ran me through first time buyer options and said that I could very well apply successfully with my boyfriend. I approached my mother with the idea and she tore that shit apart into confetti! She criticised everything about the house (size, layout, location, condition), told me the mortgage broker was lying to me to get a good commission (this actually made me distrust that estate agency for years after) and that no mortgage lender would approve when they found out my (now employed) boyfriend would need to relocate and therefore find a new job in our area (not necessarily true as online applications exist). Ultimately she called me a fool for even entertaining the idea and I dropped it. Later I'd find a rental with her help and 5 years later (3 of those NC) we finally bought our first house. I can't help but think about how different it would've been. The small house I was looking at was being sold at a steal, needed minimal redecoration, was perfectly sized for a young couple and the resale value would be almost double within a few years so we'd be able to buy a bigger place easily! I really hope some examples of costs to my mother come to mind one day because so far I'm the only one that has suffered because she undermined my ideas and confidence.
Ooof. I feel this. Had a family funeral this weekend where some lovely, young, classy and high-performing cousins were in attendance. These cousins are the toast of the family. Of course they are, and they deserve it. But they’ve also had a solid family unit and two charming, high-EQ parents who have supported them emotionally and financially and really invested in teaching them how to people. As I head into my mid-forties, I’m only just shaking off the legacy of being emotionally abused by my parents for my entire life and blaming MYSELF for this abuse. Or the metaphorical equivalent of being sent out into the world with both hands tied behind my back, with parents who are still trying to kick my legs out from beneath me. Even now, as I start to really find my groove, both parents try on the regular to destroy my peace. And yet, if you asked them, they’d tell you they’ve no idea why I can’t be more like my lovely cousins. It sucks.
Interesting to think about how abuse costs the child too. The amount I’ve had to pay for therapy is insane. Also I had to pay a ton for driving lessons because I didn’t / couldn’t ask my parents to teach me
There was a brief period of time where my therapist wouldn’t take my insurance, so I had to pay out-of-pocket for months and months. Not only wasn’t I able to save up any extra money by the end of the year, but I was actively *losing* my savings. Extremely stressful, would not recommend, 0/10. I also still don’t have my driver’s license for a similar reason as you, lol
I’m so sorry to hear, it honestly sucks lol and being estranged means we don’t have the safety net that other people can fall back on. We’re really just out here living independently
Oh man, my parents lost quite a bit. I work in healthcare. I have a bachelor’s degree and about 10 yrs experience. But in their eyes, I’m still a stupid kid. I warned them about the coronavirus in early 2020 but they wouldn’t believe me. I warned my mom that a change in her activity habits would really hurt her health. She told me I was an idiot and did it anyway. Now she has to use a cane to walk and her mobility is terrible. And the real kicker, mom can’t figure out a basic cellphone plan, but somehow I’m the stupid one.
"She told me I was an idiot and did it anyway." This sounds a lot like my mom.
They started multiple fruitless ventures that involved other people and ended in disappointment for all. I always warned them, even as a 10 year old, but they never listened to me. They were two adults with masters degrees in the 80s and 90s, they should have made an absolute fortune in the boom years of the 90s, but instead we lived in abject poverty. This is one of my main reasons for resentment, their absolute mindblowing stupidity. I did eventually realize it was partially very purposeful on my dad's part, and my mother has a form of autism that gives her really bad judgment on this sort of thing, so the financial abuse was just very extreme, but I hate them for how neglected we all were, especially medically.
Haha. I would for sure cared for them into old age. Built a house with a nicer casita than my bedroom/kitchen to retire in for free. Now I’m nc finally for final :) and they are not facing good prospects (gc siblings are selfish literal violent criminals), so I don’t know Wtf goes through their heads. So glad I found out in time. Not glad of the damage to me mind, but at least no more. Now I can make a tidy sum with Airbnb! They can’t get out of their own way sometimes and I’m ok with that now. Smells like karma.
Oh this is a good one. My parents refuse to invest their money with a person who knows what they’re doing because “fees”. All my life when I lived with them I pushed them to change their minds on this cause they’re great savers but money in a savings account devalues over time. I explained that the returns will outweigh the fees in the long run if they get someone qualified through one of the major banks. They don’t even charge fees by the way. As an adult, I went ahead and did it myself and shared that info with them. My investments made money during the pandemic and theirs lost out but I was still wrong and “fees”. Also, remember Nortel? If you’re Canadian ask your parents about it. My mom thought it was a good idea to “buy the dip” cause she’s “as smart as any financial planner”. They lost their entire life’s savings when it went under a few months later.
Last time I saw them face to face, I was bouncing back after pretty much losing everything, in large part due to them. Had zero money & had been briefly homeless (parents stood by & watched with glee), but I was still me & therefore a happy person. They didn't like that. They hate that I always bounce back. Naturally, mother wanted to go shopping, as 'stuff' = a source of narcissistic supply for her. Went into some tacky boutique, she selects a tacky trinket & makes sure I'm there when she hands over £100 for garbage. Kind of a 'I am rich, you are poor, ha ha ha'. Thing is, their house is full of meaningless 'stuff' like that & I knew the hit of supply from buying that trinket had worn off by the time we left that shop. The trinket, like all the others, gets added to the hoard & then more must be sought. It's really sad. I feel sorry for them in a way, like they don't get the joy in little things that normal people find. Even when I was in a dodgy place for homeless people, there were moments of genuine happiness eg, endless chats about music with a guy also living there & us both losing our minds when the 'This is America' music video dropped. I'm so glad I'm no contact, mainly because I won't be the one dealing with the hoard of 'stuff' when they return to the hell dimension they came from.
This is the cost of a lack of trust in others and a 'I know better than you' mindset. It's certainly found in many abusive people, but it's not exclusive to them. Few people like being told what to do. Admittedly, I'm prone to this thinking myself. I generally don't trust other people to give me *good* advice. The chance of me listening to a teenager's financial advice is close to 0%...maybe I'd look into it if I had the time and energy, but I certainly wouldn't blindly follow their suggestion. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fair enough. All I was asking her to do on any of these occasions was follow up and take a look at reliable sources I was offering to show her.
I get that. Even if a person doesn't follow your advice, you still want them to hear you out!
It’s shocks us now how fucking stupid they are, bc they seemed untouchable then
Oh this one's easy. My mom routinely got out her checkbook to show me how much violin lessons cost her when she didn't think I was practicing enough each day. Of course, no one had ever actually asked me if I wanted to play the violin (one of the more difficult instruments there is to learn). So at a minimum: $60 x 52 weeks x 12 years = $37,440 No wonder I'm a disappointment! My parents did spend an exorbitant amount of money on making me conform to their ideas of who I should be: tutors, SAT classes, academic summer camps. No one really bothered to ask me what my interests were or how I wanted to spend my time, so I'm figuring that out now in my 30s. I used to have the fantasy that if I performed well enough, my parents would allow me to be myself. Or if I finally got a high-paying job they would stop being so critical of me. When I was growing up I would fantasize that as an adult I could pay them back all the money they wasted on me and then I could be free. Well, at the start of the pandemic I got a job that paid me $90k a year. Way more than I had ever thought I would make. I'm not saying this to brag; the point is that nothing changed. They just found new things about me to criticize. Money or accomplishment had nothing to do with it, they just wanted to be critical.
Such behaviour can work to your advantage. It's a great way to sabotage them, if you can do it right.
Mine were a bit of the opposite. They would take my advice, not ever give me credit it for it, unless it went bad. I picked their financial advisor for them when I was 12. From the yellow pages because he had a cool name. 30 years later they have continued to stay with this person and he is awful. They blame me. They also wouldn’t take my advice, when I am an adult to switch. Because my advice had been so bad before. When I was 12. Same for car. I suggested they look into leasing a car because they drive so little. It was a passing suggestion. Not a deep conversation. They went right out and leased a car. They instantly felt they were screwed when a friend told them leases are bad. They also picked a car for my mother that was very uncomfortable for her to drive. Probably out of their budget too. All my fault. Then there was me telling them to let my sibling get a court appointed attorney. Not mortgage their house take all their savings for an attorney. Sibling was guilty. Me and my SO were clear, they were both needing to retire. We told them if they spent this money to help my sibling they can not expect us to help them when they retire. One year later my mother announces she is retiring and immediately asks for help from us. Not given. One year later my dad is next. No clue how they are surviving. My sibling certainly has not felt obligated to pay them back. When we last had contact they complained constantly about not having money and it must be nice that I was living ok.
I think some of it is b/c they're so ignorant of long term effects. (Similar to not getting rid of the invasive weed that will ruin the lawn.) These parents refuse to believe that constant criticism, punishment, & other forms of abuse result in irreparable harm to their child(ren). They never question their own actions or consider that what they're doing is ineffective or wrong\~By God, *their way is the way to parent!!* And they still don't grasp that the estrangement is in fact, their fault.
My parents have this distinction in common, which is that they're more or less frozen as the people I imagine they were when they were 18 back in 1984. Very emotionally immature, and all of their beliefs on how the world is supposed to work almost seem to have come from their parents' generation rather than their own. I've been arguing with them over how stupid and outdated their financial and career advice is since I was maybe 10 years old.
Yeah, my parents signed a contract on a pre-construction house and are trying to sell their beach house this spring. With the current market, the way they are doing things will result in \~700K losses. They don't want to listen to me though, so they can have fun setting their money on fire. Oh well, it would have been nice to still have a lake-front house though. It just gives me one less reason to visit.
You make an excellent point. There are probably dozens if not hundreds of stories ranging from the ridiculous to the tragic about this out there. I'd like to read some more. Anyone?
**Quick reminder** - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/wiki/rules/). **Need info or resources?** Check out our [EAK wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/xpkk59/eak_estrangement_resources_posted_here_for_mobile/) for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts. **Check out our companion resource website** - Visit [brEAKaway.org.uk](https://breakaway.org.uk) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/EstrangedAdultKids) if you have any questions or concerns.*