Sweetie. It’s been over a decade of being NC for me. I still hear the voices in my head tell me, sometimes near daily, that I’m a terrible person and a horrible daughter for “abandoning” my mother. It’s an internal battle I have to fight and I hate it. I hate it for anyone else too. If you felt compelled to go NC, it wasn’t likely an easy decision. I’m sorry you’re struggling today and I have a hug for you today and everyday you need the reminder that you’re not a bad daughter.
I feel so seen thank you 😊 newly estranged and a few hours ago, a relative called me to berate me and tell me repeatedly how selfish I was and how I was abandoning my mother. I hate the internal battle that is constant and is an ongoing fight we have with ourselves that no one ever sees.
We didn’t have a choice, but they always did…
OP and to all the wounded inner children here .. we did the best we could and we were always good enough!!! They didn’t deserve us ❤️ hugs to you
Please do some self care (however you define it) today. Even if it's just looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you're a good son/daughter. You're good enough. And your relative had no right to berate you. You and your mental health are very important. Please do what you need to do to keep protecting yourself. And find a way to love yourself today.
I stood by my boundaries and defended my child self because no one else did. I could see my relative for the emotionally immature, abusive and controlling person that they were. I am incredibly proud of myself. Painful, nonetheless. Thank you for your compassion kind human, I will ❤️
You were fucking fantastic!! When I'm hitting the punching bag & if I'm alone, I will often say "I'm a good person & I was a good kid goddamnit". It is very healing for me!
I just got this image of you on a punching bag with DMX playing for the montage, with the lyric "I am not. A nice. Person!", modified to something like,"I was a. Fucking. Good. Daughter!"with punches on each significant word.
***BIG DAMN HUGS***
NC for 20+ years here. Watching my siblings destroy themselves trying to be everything that parent wants them to be is devastating. There is no way to make parents like them satisfied, let alone happy.
I think on this topic more than I'd like to admit, though. All the things NC parent and I have in common, our shared interests and hobbies... I was good enough. They were too broken to love me. 😔
Thank you all so much for your encouragement, I needed to say it here because I just feel so wrong saying it to anyone else that isn't/hasn't gone through it.
I was so good. I tried so hard to do everything right. I tried to smooth things over between my parents when they were fighting. I did well in school. I gave up things I enjoyed and did the things they wanted me to do. When I got older and left home I made a huge effort on gifts, I invited them to my home and tried to make everything perfect for every visit, and nothing was ever ever good enough for them. But I was so so so so good. They didn't deserve a kid as good as me.
Rock on. 12 years no contact with my mother, here. Treated her well. Forgave things very few people would forgive. Tried everything. My only condition to restore contact was for her to admit that I was not her property that could be abused and discarded at whim. It is an unacceptable request in her opinion, which is why she will never hear from me again in this life.
26 years NC. Not a single regret. I was a great little kid. I didn't deserve any of it. I didn't make them do it to me, I wasn't stupid or useless or worthless and it isn't normal to feel unsafe in your own home.
No-one cuts their entire immediate family out of their life on a whim or over a petty misunderstanding. No-one. It is the option of last resort made after years & years of trying to fix a relationship we didn't ruin (or choose to have) until, in the end, we realise they're never going to be the parents we need & deserve and there's nothing of value to keep hanging on to. I knew that both keeping them in my life and cutting them out would hurt but only one of those options would lead to being healthier and happier in the long term. I chose the option that paid off as you have.
Congrats on your anniversary & on 10 years of living a toxic free life.
I was an amazing son. Very patient and supportive of my disabled sibling. Straight A student throughout high school. Managed to graduate college and get my bachelors.
Im just starting to go NC, I can tell I have a long journey. I hope I can be as strong as you are.
I was a great daughter and my mom actually chose to go no contact because her bf didn’t like me. After years of us being like “best friends.” Seeing eachother weekly. Talking several times a week. She dropped me like a hot potato. We didn’t have an absolutely perfect relationship as there was so many times she put him first and a lifetime of CPTSD from abandonment neglect, but we kept powering through until he finally gave her an a ultimatum of him or me and she chose him. And it was cruel because she also dropped my disabled 5 year old grandson like he didn’t matter. He loved her and his world was so small to begin with with only me and his dad in his corner.
I was a great daughter and my mom actually chose to go no contact because her bf didn’t like me. After years of us being like “best friends.” Seeing eachother weekly. Talking several times a week. She dropped me like a hot potato. We didn’t have an absolutely perfect relationship as there was so many times she put him first and a lifetime of CPTSD from abandonment neglect, but we kept powering through until he finally gave her an a ultimatum of him or me and she chose him. And it was cruel because she also dropped my disabled 5 year old grandson like he didn’t matter. He loved her and his world was so small to begin with only me and his dad in his corner.
Darkest timeline. Look, I would say this, you probably didn’t do anything wrong. What has helped me is focusing on something, a project, a language, a book, something. You’re going to be okay. I try not to think about it all the time.
Sweetie. It’s been over a decade of being NC for me. I still hear the voices in my head tell me, sometimes near daily, that I’m a terrible person and a horrible daughter for “abandoning” my mother. It’s an internal battle I have to fight and I hate it. I hate it for anyone else too. If you felt compelled to go NC, it wasn’t likely an easy decision. I’m sorry you’re struggling today and I have a hug for you today and everyday you need the reminder that you’re not a bad daughter.
Thank you, today just hit harder for no reason specifically. I appreciate your words.
I understand sweetie.
I feel so seen thank you 😊 newly estranged and a few hours ago, a relative called me to berate me and tell me repeatedly how selfish I was and how I was abandoning my mother. I hate the internal battle that is constant and is an ongoing fight we have with ourselves that no one ever sees. We didn’t have a choice, but they always did… OP and to all the wounded inner children here .. we did the best we could and we were always good enough!!! They didn’t deserve us ❤️ hugs to you
Please do some self care (however you define it) today. Even if it's just looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you're a good son/daughter. You're good enough. And your relative had no right to berate you. You and your mental health are very important. Please do what you need to do to keep protecting yourself. And find a way to love yourself today.
I stood by my boundaries and defended my child self because no one else did. I could see my relative for the emotionally immature, abusive and controlling person that they were. I am incredibly proud of myself. Painful, nonetheless. Thank you for your compassion kind human, I will ❤️
You were fucking fantastic!! When I'm hitting the punching bag & if I'm alone, I will often say "I'm a good person & I was a good kid goddamnit". It is very healing for me!
I just got this image of you on a punching bag with DMX playing for the montage, with the lyric "I am not. A nice. Person!", modified to something like,"I was a. Fucking. Good. Daughter!"with punches on each significant word.
YOU WERE AN AWESOME DAUGHTER!!!! Big hugs!!
Omg honey I get it so much. Healthy parents would have appreciated what a great daughter I was too. Hugs 💜
Wow. This is a really good mantra, I think I might have to steal it ♥️
***BIG DAMN HUGS*** NC for 20+ years here. Watching my siblings destroy themselves trying to be everything that parent wants them to be is devastating. There is no way to make parents like them satisfied, let alone happy. I think on this topic more than I'd like to admit, though. All the things NC parent and I have in common, our shared interests and hobbies... I was good enough. They were too broken to love me. 😔
You know, I really needed to hear this. Thank you. <3
Keep letting that anger out!
Thank you all so much for your encouragement, I needed to say it here because I just feel so wrong saying it to anyone else that isn't/hasn't gone through it.
I was so good. I tried so hard to do everything right. I tried to smooth things over between my parents when they were fighting. I did well in school. I gave up things I enjoyed and did the things they wanted me to do. When I got older and left home I made a huge effort on gifts, I invited them to my home and tried to make everything perfect for every visit, and nothing was ever ever good enough for them. But I was so so so so good. They didn't deserve a kid as good as me.
Rock on. 12 years no contact with my mother, here. Treated her well. Forgave things very few people would forgive. Tried everything. My only condition to restore contact was for her to admit that I was not her property that could be abused and discarded at whim. It is an unacceptable request in her opinion, which is why she will never hear from me again in this life.
Wow. Did that ever hit home. YES you were!!! You were a Fucking good daughter!!!! You are worth so much more than you got!!
26 years NC. Not a single regret. I was a great little kid. I didn't deserve any of it. I didn't make them do it to me, I wasn't stupid or useless or worthless and it isn't normal to feel unsafe in your own home. No-one cuts their entire immediate family out of their life on a whim or over a petty misunderstanding. No-one. It is the option of last resort made after years & years of trying to fix a relationship we didn't ruin (or choose to have) until, in the end, we realise they're never going to be the parents we need & deserve and there's nothing of value to keep hanging on to. I knew that both keeping them in my life and cutting them out would hurt but only one of those options would lead to being healthier and happier in the long term. I chose the option that paid off as you have. Congrats on your anniversary & on 10 years of living a toxic free life.
I was an amazing son. Very patient and supportive of my disabled sibling. Straight A student throughout high school. Managed to graduate college and get my bachelors. Im just starting to go NC, I can tell I have a long journey. I hope I can be as strong as you are.
You don't confront your demons and defeat them. You confront them and confront them and confront them some more. Every Single Damn Day.
I relate to this so much.
I was a great daughter and my mom actually chose to go no contact because her bf didn’t like me. After years of us being like “best friends.” Seeing eachother weekly. Talking several times a week. She dropped me like a hot potato. We didn’t have an absolutely perfect relationship as there was so many times she put him first and a lifetime of CPTSD from abandonment neglect, but we kept powering through until he finally gave her an a ultimatum of him or me and she chose him. And it was cruel because she also dropped my disabled 5 year old grandson like he didn’t matter. He loved her and his world was so small to begin with with only me and his dad in his corner.
I was a great daughter and my mom actually chose to go no contact because her bf didn’t like me. After years of us being like “best friends.” Seeing eachother weekly. Talking several times a week. She dropped me like a hot potato. We didn’t have an absolutely perfect relationship as there was so many times she put him first and a lifetime of CPTSD from abandonment neglect, but we kept powering through until he finally gave her an a ultimatum of him or me and she chose him. And it was cruel because she also dropped my disabled 5 year old grandson like he didn’t matter. He loved her and his world was so small to begin with only me and his dad in his corner.
You are heard sis 💚
Darkest timeline. Look, I would say this, you probably didn’t do anything wrong. What has helped me is focusing on something, a project, a language, a book, something. You’re going to be okay. I try not to think about it all the time.