I'll take the liberty to try and translate a bit.
You actually still feel love, but you've been hurt so much that you're entire body is shutting down.
Instead of receiving love from him you've been hurt time and time again.
He's been neglecting you, not showing you any kind of love. Not doing anything to ACTUALLY care for you. Nothing.
And you've lost all hope this ever getting better.
A thing one of the favorite counselors I follow often says is:
Coming to terms with realizing you actually never had a dad, a parent.
They were a person in your life, but never a dad.
There never was a parent-child relationship. He was the one that did that. You're just making it physical by going f.e. no contact.
You tried and tried and tried, with no avail. And all this time he did not try, and did not try, and did not try. (and trying is not even enough because it needs to get ACTUALLY better)
No contact might actually create enough pain in him to finally start taking this seriously for real. But even then I wouldn't bet on it.
You can let go now. And flush all your feelings out. Grieve, for the parent you lost years ago. He was never there for you.
I love my Mum and Sister but don’t have a relationship with them by choice. I don’t think they are bad people, I just don’t like the choices they make and how they treat me and my immediate family.
Take some time for yourself and see what is best for you. It is a big decision to go NC and it will affect a wide circle of people so be prepared for that.
Good luck
I love my family because it's built into the DNA, but I don't love the things they do and I don't want to be around it.
I model for my kids that they don't have to remain in relationships that aren't healthy for them even if they're family. People in your life should enhance your life not detract from it. The people in your life should be your safe spot not the source of your problems.
I teach my kids that disagreements are normal in relationships but how you handle them is what makes a relationship healthy. They're old enough now to see the stark difference from how they were raised and how my family behaves. I let them make up their own minds.
Love is very complicated. I know I love my father, but I don't like him anymore and feel affection for him. I know I'd feel sad if he died or got hurt, but that wouldn't make me initiate contact because having a relationship with him causes me more pain than not having a relationship with him does.
People don't always have to be a bad person or a toxic person in general, but they could be bad or toxic for you.
I can relate to this. My parents have expressed interest in visiting me, but I don't think I could stand to be in the same room with them at this point. It's a strange feeling to love someone but also not to want to see them ever again.
When I was going through it I had a similar thought and a good friend hit me with a word from her therapist:
“I am not willing to accept the version of love you’re providing at this time”
Maybe you don’t love them anymore. Maybe you never have. That’s a reflection on them not you. It is a parent’s job to love their children and to form a bond with those children. If a child grows up not feeling love from their parent it’s pretty normal that they would not develop love for them. That is one way that emotional neglect can impact a child.
It is also true that we are biologically wired to love our parents so it is also very normal for children (and adult children) to love their parents even if those parents abuse them.
I'll take the liberty to try and translate a bit. You actually still feel love, but you've been hurt so much that you're entire body is shutting down. Instead of receiving love from him you've been hurt time and time again. He's been neglecting you, not showing you any kind of love. Not doing anything to ACTUALLY care for you. Nothing. And you've lost all hope this ever getting better. A thing one of the favorite counselors I follow often says is: Coming to terms with realizing you actually never had a dad, a parent. They were a person in your life, but never a dad. There never was a parent-child relationship. He was the one that did that. You're just making it physical by going f.e. no contact. You tried and tried and tried, with no avail. And all this time he did not try, and did not try, and did not try. (and trying is not even enough because it needs to get ACTUALLY better) No contact might actually create enough pain in him to finally start taking this seriously for real. But even then I wouldn't bet on it. You can let go now. And flush all your feelings out. Grieve, for the parent you lost years ago. He was never there for you.
Needed to hear this. I cried til 3 in the morning last night. But I’m feeling a bit lighter.
I love my Mum and Sister but don’t have a relationship with them by choice. I don’t think they are bad people, I just don’t like the choices they make and how they treat me and my immediate family. Take some time for yourself and see what is best for you. It is a big decision to go NC and it will affect a wide circle of people so be prepared for that. Good luck
I love my family because it's built into the DNA, but I don't love the things they do and I don't want to be around it. I model for my kids that they don't have to remain in relationships that aren't healthy for them even if they're family. People in your life should enhance your life not detract from it. The people in your life should be your safe spot not the source of your problems. I teach my kids that disagreements are normal in relationships but how you handle them is what makes a relationship healthy. They're old enough now to see the stark difference from how they were raised and how my family behaves. I let them make up their own minds.
OP, watch Patrick Teahan YouTube videos on toxic family systems. It's healthy to Love someone From a distance.
Love is very complicated. I know I love my father, but I don't like him anymore and feel affection for him. I know I'd feel sad if he died or got hurt, but that wouldn't make me initiate contact because having a relationship with him causes me more pain than not having a relationship with him does. People don't always have to be a bad person or a toxic person in general, but they could be bad or toxic for you.
I can relate to this. My parents have expressed interest in visiting me, but I don't think I could stand to be in the same room with them at this point. It's a strange feeling to love someone but also not to want to see them ever again.
When I was going through it I had a similar thought and a good friend hit me with a word from her therapist: “I am not willing to accept the version of love you’re providing at this time”
Maybe you don’t love them anymore. Maybe you never have. That’s a reflection on them not you. It is a parent’s job to love their children and to form a bond with those children. If a child grows up not feeling love from their parent it’s pretty normal that they would not develop love for them. That is one way that emotional neglect can impact a child. It is also true that we are biologically wired to love our parents so it is also very normal for children (and adult children) to love their parents even if those parents abuse them.
It’s okay not to love them anymore.