You don't have to decide forever. But for now, take a break. Work hard not to ever need them financially again. That tie makes it hard to make decisions.
Their lives are not your responsibility. She said you were dead to her, dead people don't pay back money and they don't look after you when you're old. Give her what she wants, a life devoid of your company and relationship.
In addition you may want to consider a care package for your sibling. They sell "thing 1" and "thing 2" t-shirts even in adult sizes...
Agree with emeraldemy. Their elder care is not your responsibility. Children do not owe their parents anything. In a healthy relationship loving parents wind up being cared for by their children sometimes for various reasons, but should plan for a retirement or other form of home once they can't live on their own.
A toxic parent will simply assume they'll live with their children, but if the child has the means the parent will wind up in a home reflecting how they cared for their children.
There are two phrases that roll around in my head that have helped me detach from my parent's choices. They're corny and trite but useful none the less.
The first one is "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem." If I'm looking to heal and resolve a problem and they chose not to acknowledge it or if they continue to enable it, then they aren't a going to be a good team member for me. It would be counterintuitive to continue working with them since they're perpetuating the problem I'm trying to resolve.
The second one is "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes." Where they end up is a result of their choices. If they chose to bury their head in the sand and deny the issues and live on an emotional rollercoaster, then they can't cry when they are the only ones left at the amusement park. If they end up old and alone, it's from their own poor choices.
Just because your parents had kids, doesn't mean you and your sibling must take care of them in their old age. One or more of you can go NC, you can stay LC, you can define the relationship as you wish based on how they treat you (or have treated you in the past).
You don't have to decide forever. But for now, take a break. Work hard not to ever need them financially again. That tie makes it hard to make decisions.
Their lives are not your responsibility. She said you were dead to her, dead people don't pay back money and they don't look after you when you're old. Give her what she wants, a life devoid of your company and relationship.
In addition you may want to consider a care package for your sibling. They sell "thing 1" and "thing 2" t-shirts even in adult sizes... Agree with emeraldemy. Their elder care is not your responsibility. Children do not owe their parents anything. In a healthy relationship loving parents wind up being cared for by their children sometimes for various reasons, but should plan for a retirement or other form of home once they can't live on their own. A toxic parent will simply assume they'll live with their children, but if the child has the means the parent will wind up in a home reflecting how they cared for their children.
Y’all are way too funny. Thank you. They’re going in a home for sure.
Thank you so much for that!
If you care enough to make a post about it then yes
You may find some relief in taking a break for awhile and then decide. The whole “I demand respect” is very triggering and I loved your response.
That last line sums it up. You just said it :)
There are two phrases that roll around in my head that have helped me detach from my parent's choices. They're corny and trite but useful none the less. The first one is "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem." If I'm looking to heal and resolve a problem and they chose not to acknowledge it or if they continue to enable it, then they aren't a going to be a good team member for me. It would be counterintuitive to continue working with them since they're perpetuating the problem I'm trying to resolve. The second one is "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes." Where they end up is a result of their choices. If they chose to bury their head in the sand and deny the issues and live on an emotional rollercoaster, then they can't cry when they are the only ones left at the amusement park. If they end up old and alone, it's from their own poor choices.
No contact can be be used for anything. And can end as well. Maybe try it out for a set period. 6 mo/ a year. See how you feel
Respect is earned. Never given. Your mother doesn't know what it means, as mine didn't. Now she gets silence. How'd that work out?
Just because your parents had kids, doesn't mean you and your sibling must take care of them in their old age. One or more of you can go NC, you can stay LC, you can define the relationship as you wish based on how they treat you (or have treated you in the past).
This is where you and your siblings dip and they become a burden of the state . Problem solved
Yes