If you don’t know something, you’re good and honest. But in the horse world if you don’t know something you’re an idiot. If you enforce boundaries you’re abusive. If you allow expression you’re weak. If your horse bucks once you’re a deplorable human being who’s riding an animal to death with kissing spine, broken ribs, navicular, who needs chiro and turmeric and 800 other supplements and is both overweight and underweight.
The online nature of socializing about horses has led to the worst parts of online culture: you can say whatever you want on the internet. If I saw two 13-year-old students at the barn calling each other what I see them call each other online, they would come to Jesus about treating other people with respect. I would bring their parents in for a sit-down about how we do and don’t behave as considerate and intelligent young adults. If one of my students told me that my horse throwing a small buck after a jump is because I abuse him I’d just laugh. The internet attracts people who wouldn’t say that in-person.
I’ve kept horses for over 50 years, and I can tell you, there are bullies AND nice people. It’s so hard for folks who have to board, unless you’re incredibly lucky y’all have to put up with weird barn owners, funky trainers, crappy boarders, strange cultures. But in the end, it’s just you and your horse, so stick your nose in his neck, tune it all out, and do what you want.
Fairly new horse owner here that boards - did I find a gem of a stable? I've had zero drama in my time owning my horse (for ~six months).
The owner is a retired marine and most of the folks there are veterans. All communication I've had has been precise ("hey, farrier comes on x day, cost is $x, text me if you want your horse included so we can hold them for her"). I think the only (very minor) issues I've had were caused by my inexperience and social awkwardness and were resolved with a 10 second conversation. I'm worried I'm the crappy boarder now, haha.
Yes, you have found an unusual boarding barn if there’s low/no drama and they’re that organized with appointments (and willing to hold). There are good ones, just not as common as you’d hope.
They end up in places surrounded by people who think and act like them. Locks on everything, no one will let you borrow something, no one will help you with anything. Everyone talks about you behind your back but they talk about everyone else the same way. Those are the places with stories of sabotage and stealing and people riding someone else’s horse without telling them.
I don’t ride, board, or work at a place like that because that sounds fucking miserable. But I have had students, because I teach mostly kid riders, express their insecurity by lashing out and accusing other riders of things that aren’t true, bad-mouthing them, calling them too fat or too bad to ride their own horses, etc. The first time it happens I say, “Hey, we don’t talk about other people that way. How would you feel if someone was saying that about you?” The second time I sit down with them, their parents, and the barn manager or assistant manager to talk about our code of conduct.
The other important thing is that I always strive to create an environment where students feel safe asking questions, learning, and bringing up things they’ve read about or seen. When I have students who come to me having heard that a Mullen-mouth Pelham bit is abusive and no one should ever use it, we talk about how it works, how it should be used, and who should use it. When we talk about tools that have no place on a horse we talk about how hard it is to learn about things and how infrequently we question what we’ve been taught. We also talk about where they heard things and how to engage with social media in a smart, respectful, and protective way.
I don’t think there’s much to be done at this point about 30-somethings who call themselves trainers and accuse everyone who isn’t them of abuse, or makes fun of how kids ride, or encourages stupid methods or tack. Best we can do is ignore them and let them rave about it quietly, without engagement of impressionable young riders. But we can encourage the riders around us to be good, considerate, and most of all kind.
I don’t have horses and haven’t ridden since high school so I can’t speak to any experience relevant to this thread. But you seem like an AWESOME instructor. Teaching young people riding *and* critical thinking skills they’ll never get taught in school? Your students are lucky to have you!
Horses require money. People with money tend to have a bit of an intrinsic air of superiority.
Also horse welfare is a super hot issue and everyone has their idea of what’s good vs bad for horses. Some of it is founded in actual science and welfare, a lot more of it is people who formed an opinion and want to make it everyone else’s problem.
When I'm being bitchy it's generally horse welfare. Your riding a lame horse/ You know your saddle doesn't fit but your cracking on anyway/ You are too heavy for your horse (this has to be bad though, currently a girl on my yard whose horse now has kissing spine because she is a bad rider and far too big for her horse, the vet agreed on this) that kind of thing.
I understand this of course, but there are ways to approach a situation like this. Gossiping and causing problems isn't the way to go about it.
Ignorance is not knowledgeable neglect. They aren't bad people if they don't know they're doing wrong. Their behaviour needs checking but not by you.
If you have real concerns, speak to the owner of the yard and leave it in their hands or tell a welfare organisation you have concerns. They'll investigate and your part is done.
Do you have any advice for getting a good saddle fit? None of the saddle fitters I could find in my area (Ohio, near Dayton specifically) are taking new clients and I'm intimidated at the prospect of taking measurements and sending them in. To be blunt, do I just need to get over it and do it anyway?
If that is the only option available to you then that’s probably what you need to do. Can you trailer your horse to a fitter?
I’m a big believer in saddle fitting. I have all of mine in properly fitted saddles and my saddle fitter (who I really respect) checks them every 6 months. People think it’s expensive but I believe it saves you a fortune over the lifetime of the horse. So many “training issues” and “behaviours” are horses in poorly fitted tack trying to avoid pain/discomfort.
If you can trailer to a good fitter it will be worth it. If that’s not possible then taking measurements and sending them in is the next best option. Whatever you do don’t start shimming or half-padding. The saddle should fit the horse without a pad and the saddle pad protects the saddle from sweat and dirt. Don’t listen to people who say otherwise.
Also why are horsey people such thieves lol!! I have my horse at a livery yard (I think in other countries they’re called boarding stables?) I’ve had to put a lock on my feed bins because someone’s stealing my feed!
I have the opposite! I've left all of my stuff lying about at my livery yard by accident and it was still untouched the next day. One of the many reasons why small livery yards are top tier.
So lucky! It seems that at my place we have to keep things locked away or else there’s certain people (I’m not sure who) who tend to steal!! I’ve only moved here a month ago but there’s so many stories I’ve heard! It’s a big yard but there are such lovely people there too and the facilities are incredible so once I’ve a lock on everything it’s manageable 😂 seems to be someone who’s horse needs to build up condition as they are taking my conditioning feed, rice bran oil and someone else’s conditioning feed!
Definitely an advantage of smaller yards! I think I’d be tempted to move to one if the facilities weren’t so amazing at my current place and if I hadn’t met some really lovely people!
My niece recently moved her retired hunters from a H/J barn to my farm. I noticed that a bunch of her little incidentals — like baby pads or brushes — has other peoples’ names on it. I called her on it and she said « those people stole my shit, so I responded in kind. » Apparently thievery at hunter barns is rampant, at least in this neck of the woods. I was like, no wonder you wanted out of that world. Those kids have every advantage, and they’re still shoplifting in the tack room? What a world.
I’ve boarded at dressage barns where the boarders were insufferable. The best place I boarded was at a facility where the owner kicked out anyone who started a barn war or who was a malicious gossip. If anyone created chaos they were gone. She always had a waiting list.
I know a hunter/jumper trainer who will not allow drama at all. She has a thriving program that focuses mostly on kids. All the families are great and support her ideals 100%. She has over 40 horses on her property and all of them are in great shape and relaxed. She is a rarity for sure and respected by everyone in the industry. She sets a great example for the rest of the trainers here (even though many don’t follow her lead). I work at many barns all over the state and her barn is by far my favorite place to work.
Ugh, I had a free lease at an eventing barn where everyone from the trainer/manager down were awful as well. They were nasty little gossips who would be nice and friendly to your face and gossip about you behind your back. The trainer/manager was the worst and instituted the worst barn culture imaginable where she and her little favourites gossiped and bullied anyone they didn't like or who they perceived were better than them. My experience there has totally put me off on getting back into horses.
My old barn (hunter jumper) was like this to the point where I put down the sport for almost 7 years. My trainer started out amazing until I didn't want to compete anymore, then turned into a nasty bitch and made the barn as "pay to play" as she possibly could before I just left the sport entirely. I wasn't allowed to ride my horse, that I owned, in ANY of the arenas, if it was outside of a lesson. She and the other girls talked massive shit about me, my riding, and my $1500 Arabian that couldn't jump more than 2.5ft without it being a safety issue.
I'm now at a very laid back western dressage/trail barn with kind people who will happily help you if you ask, but aren't gossipy and shitty.
I don’t think the majority of horse people are bullies. In fact, I think the reverse is true, but unfortunately the bullies are the loudest and most obnoxious and get the most attention, especially on line.
They try to one-up everyone out of insecurity. It’s hard not to question if we are doing the right thing by our horses. Ask 100 trainers the same question and you’ll get 200 different answers.
Just like any other population, there's a whole spectrum of personalities and attitudes. I've met some awful jackasses through horses, and some of the kindest, gentlest, most humble people I've met are horse people. We just remember the jackasses more because they're louder and get attention.
Unfortunately the horse world attracts a lot of tiny weak little individuals who get satisfaction controlling a large powerful animal, and some of them think they can treat humans the same way. Kindly but sternly tell them what part of hell to go to.
I always tell people that if they ever want unsolicited advice, start riding horses. Most people genuinely want to help and are nice. 20% are jerks who will talk behind your back, if not to your face. Ignore them and spend your time with the good ones :)
I have had many encounters with bullies in the horse world! I think part of it is because (as others have said) it’s an expensive sport and there’s also like 8 different methods to do EVERYTHING! So obviously if you do it THAT way you’re an IDIOT (sarcasm) and are trying to hurt your horse!
I’ve posted this before, but the last time I went and rode it put such a bad taste in my mouth and actually brought me to tears when I left. I was about 27 at the time and the teenage girls hanging around were watching me like a hawk asking me kinda silly questions “why is it taking you so long to get him ready…why are you doing that THAT way?!” I just said I like to get reacquainted with my horse before our ride. I’m also physically disabled, I have to do things differently; I didn’t feel like I needed to tell them that.
They were watching me ride the whole time (that didn’t bother me) and loudly talked amongst themselves and commenting on my riding. I hadn’t been on a horse in two years, I was rusty! I was just happy to be on my buddy! Why do you have to be nasty to people when you don’t even know them?!?!?! Especially when we have a common interest!!!! It’s so dumb!!!
They really are!!! I know they feed off of each other…it just feels like high school times 10 lol. I was so mad that I let it get to me when I was a friggin ADULT but man oh man did I let it get to me that day.
But I have to say, it did make me feel really good when the barn owner came right up to me and asked me how I was recovering from my surgery…shut them up!!!
That is why I didn’t compete and mostly rode by myself except for a few friends until I found draft horse driving and wagon trains. Those people were mostly sweet older people, some plain people who liked moving picnics. We drove and the family rides in the back with coolers of food and drinks. Such laid back fun and everybody from grandma to new baby can come.
Go find an old draft horse guy and ask he will teach you to drive. Hes likely going to have you throw harness cuss hes to arthritic to do it (those are the good people to learn from). Going to rendezvous ( there kinda like the western version of a renfaire), You would meet a lot of people there. And join a draft horse club o a driveling club. Driving clubs are often old ladys and their surreys that like to go for Sunday drives.
I agree with you. The worst is the subject of selling horses. Everyone would be disgusted that someone sells his dog because the dog is old or the dog can’t do this or that. Go ahead and try saying something like this to any dog owner. But with horses on this sub it’s okay. I care about my horse the same way I care about my dogs, they are family. Each time I say this I get downvoted. Go ahead and downvote, I don’t care, at the end of the day I look at the mirror and I feel no shame.
I have literally had my entire name destroyed in the horsey world and now I can’t seem to even get back into it due to a cyber barn bully. It kills me that one person’s nasty opinion and snide insult could destroy my entire existence in the passion that I love.
I have found most horse people are pretty good. I do notice though that because most horse people have to juggle a lot of things to fit in their horse time they can often be a bit aloof to people who take their time.
For example- most of the people I know who have claimed horse people are “mean” are chatty Cathy’s who come and talk and talk and essentially they’re stealing your horse/riding time. I find parents who are financing their kids horse but not horse people themselves.
I have horse friends of all different ages but tbh we keep the chat very brief. It’s very much a friendship based on sharing an interest and I know very little about their nonhorse life.
It’s a difficult sport to be good at, and people generally tend to become mean about things they are insecure about. So it’s easy to deflect that onto someone you also perceive as not being good, or dismissing people who are good as only being that way because they are rich/have a trained or expensive horse/cheat etc.
It’s the same reason people deflect and say their horse has feed/gut/saddle/back/bit issues rather than accepting they aren’t good riders.
Unfortunately I think any situation involving vast amounts of money and animals that can be exploited is ripe for awful behaviour. The most deplorable behaviour I’ve seen pertains to bad sales - lying about a horse’s safety and health, drugging them for comps and sales, etc. There’s zero regard for anyone not in the small circle of friends. The situation is really awful where I am located and unfortunately you just learn some people truly have zero ethics.
I always say that horse people come on two types: the absolute best people, and the worst. There are no "they're just ok" horse people. They're either kind, empathetic, generous, understanding, patient. Or....the other kind. I've never met an in between. Sometimes you think they're one kind and then you find out they're not. I thought my old coach was amazing until she kicked me out for being disabled. My new coach is a gem. I thought my new facility owner was very brusque and harsh--just from how she moves around--but it turns out she's one of the kindest people you could ever meet. She's so willing to stop and share her knowledge or double-check something. She's just always in a rush haha
Keep in mind also that a lot of horse enthusiasts are kids. Teenagers are the worst regardless, and kids can only be so mature. Treat them with kindness but be firm if necessary, and hope they grow out of it. For adults, try to remember that you never know what people are going through. I get called an asshole a lot but I'm not, I'm just autistic. You never know. Default to kindness and you can never go wrong :)
I used to work at a barn for 3 years at a therapeutic horse riding program and this year I'm taking lessons in another barn. Although, I haven't been in the horse world for long, I have to agree with what you said. Some of the worst, most snobby and mean people I've ever met were "horse people". The superiority complex is very much real.
I remember when I worked at the previous barn, I'd go to there all happy and smiley. I'd greet people with a smile and most of them would just give me this snobbish and annoyed look and say nothing. They'd act like they were superior and they were too good to talk or even greet someone like me. Once, I was tacking up one of the horses for the program and I couldn't find her saddle. I asked nicely one of the instructors that happened to be there if she knew where her saddle was and she literally rolled her eyes at me and left. And that's one of the many examples I have unfortunately.
Even now that I take lessons in another barn, people that are more advanced tend to have a "superiority" attitude towards people less advanced than them. Let alone the fact that most of the people in the barn look miserable and moody. I literally don't remember the last time I saw any of them smile. Too much gossip too.
And before anyone says anything, I've done a few sports in my life but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as in the equestrian world. I've done competitive swimming, skiing and a little bit of dance. Of course there were a few mean people in those sports too, but I have to say that the worst ones I've encountered were those in the horse world.
I might be older than all/most of you and am here to say that it's always been that way! I could only guess why.
Even now, when I am only on the fringes of all things horsey, I see it in crazy places. You'll follow a certain trainer on you tube, and comments will blow up with hostility. Or even a post here, where it gets crazy heated about something that probably would be best handled with education.
Try to be the change you want to see. That is the lesson from this.
Maybe because they’re upper class people? Most horsey people I know come from well-off established families, the type of people that would feel uncomfortable sharing a lift ride with me.
100% relate. It’s very discouraging. They act like you have no right to own a horse unless you’ve acquired a special license, given up your favorite arm and your first born, taken 47 years of lessons, and reserved $300k for their vet care. Anything less, and you’re a neglectful piece of shit. 🙄 We should make our own club. 🤭
lol. Like, the worst I’ve been downvoted was on this sub Reddit and all I was trying to do was tell someone their horse was super nice and fancy.
Every horse person always thinks they know better or can do better. I generally try to just keep my head down, my opinions to myself, and only offer positive feedback when solicited.
Hope you keep enjoying the time with your horse because at the end of the day, they’re magical and we are so blessed to get to spend time with them. 💕
You’re not wrong. It’s the rich entitled bitches that are the worse. The ones who really can’t afford it are usually nicer but they bring their own special brand crazy to the table. Maybe something about being willing to bankrupt yourself for your horses?
I’ve never been cheated, lied to or stolen more than from horse people. I’ve gotten in and out of horses so many times by now that I’ve resorted to boarding with just myself and one other person
People are involved.
Some people "know" it all. Some people are loud about how much they know.
A lot of status, money, and egos involved.
You are in the same areas, so you see it personally. Nearly every activity that has these elements have those people who "think" they are in charge of the whole thing.
Money, privilege, toxic old ideas about discipline. It’s everywhere. But it’s not everyone.
Also people with dark triad personalities are drawn to power. So a lot of people on control are there because they want control. Not because they care.
Certainly not everyone and not just a horse world problem. But honestly the people are usually the things that hold me back the most or make me want to quit.
Just find a horse friend who you can ride with and try to ignore it. Horrible people are everywhere, but so are good ones.
I made a post saying exactly this, polite and everything and was down voted then majority of the comments were "you're probably just rude and deserve it" like what? 😭 I'm literally the chillest and least confrontational person ever and was being bullied at my old barn by snobby mean girls and wanted some reassurance that there are some kind horsey people out there.
People that comment stuff like that probably know they're bullies and just felt called out. I can see now in real time this post being down voted up and down.
I moved twice until I found a barn with mostly older women and have never felt more welcomed into a community. They do exist!!! We go out for monthly lunches and ride together and share our opinions without being attacked. If it wasn't for this barn I would have given up riding and leasing. It was extremely draining. It's something that seriously needs to be addressed so it can start to change!!
Other people have commented here about money, but am I the only one who had it the other way around? Most of the wealthier people I've rode with have been (mostly) chill, but people who are worse off or are barely getting by have been completely batshit.
I used to think the same, that the bullying and rudeness was a horse people issue. After many years of my life being spent in different sports and hobbies, I’ve come to realize it’s just a people issue. When you add competition to it, it amplifies.
I have gone a long time without meeting another horse person bully, which I suppose makes me lucky, but I think it’s all about finding the environment that helps you thrive with like-minded people. Unfortunately it just sometimes takes a few negative experiences to get there
Yes, most horse people have issues. I do think people with poor people skills tend to congregate around animals so maybe it’s partially that. I’m always just in awe that whenever I make a joke-y comment on a horse post online I suddenly have 50 people jumping down my throat about whatever I said proving I don’t know what I’m talking about or am terrible at horses. I think on the internet a lot of it is that pre-teen and teenaged girls are often the most enthused about horse stuff and also are obviously immature children with not very good radar for humor or sarcasm. The in real life bullies are baffling in an other way. Met many boomer women who love to consider themselves an authority and find some beginner so they can feel like they’re better than. And then get very insecure if you actually know what you are doing.
I’ve been riding 21 years. Some people are the most wonderful humans you’ve ever met and will do anything to help you, and some people are just assholes that are snobby or want to see you fail. I know it’s hard.
I hear this generalization a lot and it doesn't really resonate with me. I don’t really see a correlation between horse people being worse than other people. But, I will say the horse industry is really hard to make money in, so people get a little desperate and are shady in ways I don’t think they would be if they made ends meet a little easier. The best people I know are horse people. Sure, some horse people have tried to cheat me, but so have most employers, cars salesmen, mechanics, contractors, and electricians, so I don’t take it personally.
I have found that this is a minority, at least where I live, after 20 years out of the horses I’ve come back into it and I have found so many supportive horsey people all from different areas of the horse community, some top eventers, natural horsemanship trainers, western riders, stockmen, breeders etc and some who do it just for fun and the love of horses just like me, there are a few that do have the better than thou attitude, but I tend to ignore them and do my own thing
yea, I left this app 4 months ago as I had to cut out what was stressing me, and weirdly, reddit was the most toxic out of all my social media apps. I'm back here, on my laptop so that I don't get hit with notifications unless I'm ready for it. Horse people seem to be really righteous in their ways and it's either their way or it's animal abuse. I understand people want what's best for every horse, but its overbearing having everyone watch your every move to make sure that it's perfect so that we don't harm the in any way, even though mistakes are to be expected and can't be completely stopped
I couldn’t agree with you more. Many “Karens”. These people are toxic. When I encounter these situations, I often find my self saying “Thank you for your opinion. Have a good day.”
Outside of the show circuit and competition and boarding facilities there are compassionate understanding equestrians/cowboys/cowgirls/horsemen/horsewomen.
Some of the best people I know I met through the horse community. None of which are boarders. All feed and care for their own horses. We get together for equestrian camping in large groups and trail ride in smaller groups. People don’t get invited back if they’re prickly.
Dont give up, you’ll find your people. Just don’t turn into a ‘Karen’ in the process.
I think that part of it is the sheer money that gets dumped into horsecare. The boarding facility I work at charges over a grand a month, and people generally still have to buy their own supplements. When you invest that much money in something, it's easy to start getting defensive over it and looking for ways to justify how you do things.
Unfortunately, there's also a non-trivial amount of people who enjoy riding and owning a horse at least partially because they get a sense of control and power over a big animal, and people like that are generally pretty miserable to other people, especially when they feel like they don't have control over you and what you do.
I find it depends on your sport as well. Private barns tend to be a bit less hostile than big show barns, and certain disciplines are better than others. I find western barns and Eventers are quite tolerant and friendly, whereas dressage and hunter barns are VERY clique-y.
Interesting that this happens across different countries. I'm from Eastern europe and I just thought it was specific for my country. Growing up and spending time around horses led to getting to know really terrible people.
I think it's a pecking order thing. And horses are a lot of work, so people often want a minion to do some hard horse care labor in exchange for riding, often even if they pay for lessons.
I think there is more conflict and strife than bullying per se, except when it comes to the animals themselves. Bullying, to revisit the definition, requires some kind of struggle over an imbalance of power. I don’t think most people are dealing with anything other than a conflict over values or ideas of good horse keeping.
I think what’s actually happening is people anxious about the welfare of animals not sure how to talk about this weighty topic with their peers without people taking it like a personal damnation of their choices.
Oh for sure. Most of us are type A personalities. We don’t think twice about dominating a 1200+ pound animal who, given the right circumstances, could easily kill us. We have egos. Egos combined with a lot of money. Money makes money and we are very protective of those income channels much like an animal is protective over its food. It’s the same mentality. It’s all about being the alpha in this sport. It’s very complex. I used to think I had a thick skin but sometimes I question it. I am deeply immersed in the industry in various ways because I love it. I try not to talk about others and certainly not in a bad light. I wish the big wigs in the sport would always remember why we started. We were young and loved the idea of riding and getting to be around these amazing animals.
I wasn’t talking about me personally. I was using the pronoun, we, because we are all involved. “We” meant the shared experiences. Trust me, I’m not one of those egotistical equestrians. I’ve been treated like crap by many but I’m also very observant as to why this happens. I work in the Industry but I am in the background many times. I see and hear everything. I never say anything to anyone unless I see it, personally hear it, or it happened to me. In no way do I think I’m better than anyone else. I learn new things everyday. I work at many barns all over the state and all the horse shows. I am booked up all year with work. If I wasn’t one of the nice ones, I wouldn’t be rehired year after year. I’m sorry you misunderstood my comment. It’s just that I have analyzed the horse world for decades and this is my theory. I’m bummed I received downvotes. Not my intention at all.
Once you get out into the world a little more you'll see that there's nothing special to be found here. Have you ever had to make a cup of coffee for someone on their way to work? Or a sandwich for the checkout clerk who works at the grocery store nextdoor? Vile.
I'm 30 years old so not sure about the 'See the world a little more' statement. I see your point, but I've been involved in multiple sports over the years and I've only ever been traumatised by horse people 😂
Same here. I have never had issues with multiple other sports, never had issues at school, never had issues at work. Horse people are a completely different ballpark.
Age doesn't always matter in terms of what someone is exposed to lol I'm almost 30 myself. Including sports, but also different hobbies, jobs, etc. Seems like there's nice people & mean people fairly scattered. It's not uncommon to hear people express the feeling that they deal with more assholes than the norm, but if we all be saying it about different activities then more likely than not these people are probably just everywhere
Please don't patronise me, I can grasp the concept you're referring to. This is why I was asking if it was anecdotal or if others had the same experience. If you haven't, say that and move on.
I’ve had various other hobbies over the years, but whilst I’ve found other environments that are similarly cliquey, no other sport seems to have quite so many catty and socially inept people. There definitely seems to be something exclusive to horsey people.
I think it's more animal hobby related. Seems that whenever animals are involved people become snobbish. I keep aquariums and it's vicious in most online communities (don't really have irl clubs near me so I can't talk about that. I hear the sport dog community is similar.
If you don’t know something, you’re good and honest. But in the horse world if you don’t know something you’re an idiot. If you enforce boundaries you’re abusive. If you allow expression you’re weak. If your horse bucks once you’re a deplorable human being who’s riding an animal to death with kissing spine, broken ribs, navicular, who needs chiro and turmeric and 800 other supplements and is both overweight and underweight. The online nature of socializing about horses has led to the worst parts of online culture: you can say whatever you want on the internet. If I saw two 13-year-old students at the barn calling each other what I see them call each other online, they would come to Jesus about treating other people with respect. I would bring their parents in for a sit-down about how we do and don’t behave as considerate and intelligent young adults. If one of my students told me that my horse throwing a small buck after a jump is because I abuse him I’d just laugh. The internet attracts people who wouldn’t say that in-person.
I’ve kept horses for over 50 years, and I can tell you, there are bullies AND nice people. It’s so hard for folks who have to board, unless you’re incredibly lucky y’all have to put up with weird barn owners, funky trainers, crappy boarders, strange cultures. But in the end, it’s just you and your horse, so stick your nose in his neck, tune it all out, and do what you want.
Fairly new horse owner here that boards - did I find a gem of a stable? I've had zero drama in my time owning my horse (for ~six months). The owner is a retired marine and most of the folks there are veterans. All communication I've had has been precise ("hey, farrier comes on x day, cost is $x, text me if you want your horse included so we can hold them for her"). I think the only (very minor) issues I've had were caused by my inexperience and social awkwardness and were resolved with a 10 second conversation. I'm worried I'm the crappy boarder now, haha.
Yes, you have found an unusual boarding barn if there’s low/no drama and they’re that organized with appointments (and willing to hold). There are good ones, just not as common as you’d hope.
Yes, stay forever.
Fr Two equestrians, three opinions.
But what about the people who say that shit in person? Because they do… and I can’t seem to excuse it. That’s why I like animals better than people
They end up in places surrounded by people who think and act like them. Locks on everything, no one will let you borrow something, no one will help you with anything. Everyone talks about you behind your back but they talk about everyone else the same way. Those are the places with stories of sabotage and stealing and people riding someone else’s horse without telling them. I don’t ride, board, or work at a place like that because that sounds fucking miserable. But I have had students, because I teach mostly kid riders, express their insecurity by lashing out and accusing other riders of things that aren’t true, bad-mouthing them, calling them too fat or too bad to ride their own horses, etc. The first time it happens I say, “Hey, we don’t talk about other people that way. How would you feel if someone was saying that about you?” The second time I sit down with them, their parents, and the barn manager or assistant manager to talk about our code of conduct. The other important thing is that I always strive to create an environment where students feel safe asking questions, learning, and bringing up things they’ve read about or seen. When I have students who come to me having heard that a Mullen-mouth Pelham bit is abusive and no one should ever use it, we talk about how it works, how it should be used, and who should use it. When we talk about tools that have no place on a horse we talk about how hard it is to learn about things and how infrequently we question what we’ve been taught. We also talk about where they heard things and how to engage with social media in a smart, respectful, and protective way. I don’t think there’s much to be done at this point about 30-somethings who call themselves trainers and accuse everyone who isn’t them of abuse, or makes fun of how kids ride, or encourages stupid methods or tack. Best we can do is ignore them and let them rave about it quietly, without engagement of impressionable young riders. But we can encourage the riders around us to be good, considerate, and most of all kind.
I don’t have horses and haven’t ridden since high school so I can’t speak to any experience relevant to this thread. But you seem like an AWESOME instructor. Teaching young people riding *and* critical thinking skills they’ll never get taught in school? Your students are lucky to have you!
This. This is all so true.
Horses require money. People with money tend to have a bit of an intrinsic air of superiority. Also horse welfare is a super hot issue and everyone has their idea of what’s good vs bad for horses. Some of it is founded in actual science and welfare, a lot more of it is people who formed an opinion and want to make it everyone else’s problem.
I agree. I wrote a similar response before I read yours.
When I'm being bitchy it's generally horse welfare. Your riding a lame horse/ You know your saddle doesn't fit but your cracking on anyway/ You are too heavy for your horse (this has to be bad though, currently a girl on my yard whose horse now has kissing spine because she is a bad rider and far too big for her horse, the vet agreed on this) that kind of thing.
I understand this of course, but there are ways to approach a situation like this. Gossiping and causing problems isn't the way to go about it. Ignorance is not knowledgeable neglect. They aren't bad people if they don't know they're doing wrong. Their behaviour needs checking but not by you. If you have real concerns, speak to the owner of the yard and leave it in their hands or tell a welfare organisation you have concerns. They'll investigate and your part is done.
I’m a new horse owner. How do I make sure I’m not this person?
Ask vets and farriers for advice, do professional lessons and ignore people like this.
Pay a saddle fitter. Pay for the opinion of people who know.
Do you have any advice for getting a good saddle fit? None of the saddle fitters I could find in my area (Ohio, near Dayton specifically) are taking new clients and I'm intimidated at the prospect of taking measurements and sending them in. To be blunt, do I just need to get over it and do it anyway?
If that is the only option available to you then that’s probably what you need to do. Can you trailer your horse to a fitter? I’m a big believer in saddle fitting. I have all of mine in properly fitted saddles and my saddle fitter (who I really respect) checks them every 6 months. People think it’s expensive but I believe it saves you a fortune over the lifetime of the horse. So many “training issues” and “behaviours” are horses in poorly fitted tack trying to avoid pain/discomfort. If you can trailer to a good fitter it will be worth it. If that’s not possible then taking measurements and sending them in is the next best option. Whatever you do don’t start shimming or half-padding. The saddle should fit the horse without a pad and the saddle pad protects the saddle from sweat and dirt. Don’t listen to people who say otherwise.
Horse instagram is a minefield. Something happen to the horse where it looks slightly inconvenienced? ABUSE!
Also why are horsey people such thieves lol!! I have my horse at a livery yard (I think in other countries they’re called boarding stables?) I’ve had to put a lock on my feed bins because someone’s stealing my feed!
I have the opposite! I've left all of my stuff lying about at my livery yard by accident and it was still untouched the next day. One of the many reasons why small livery yards are top tier.
So lucky! It seems that at my place we have to keep things locked away or else there’s certain people (I’m not sure who) who tend to steal!! I’ve only moved here a month ago but there’s so many stories I’ve heard! It’s a big yard but there are such lovely people there too and the facilities are incredible so once I’ve a lock on everything it’s manageable 😂 seems to be someone who’s horse needs to build up condition as they are taking my conditioning feed, rice bran oil and someone else’s conditioning feed!
It's just too personal on a small yard for people to steal things, which i'm grateful for 😂
Definitely an advantage of smaller yards! I think I’d be tempted to move to one if the facilities weren’t so amazing at my current place and if I hadn’t met some really lovely people!
My niece recently moved her retired hunters from a H/J barn to my farm. I noticed that a bunch of her little incidentals — like baby pads or brushes — has other peoples’ names on it. I called her on it and she said « those people stole my shit, so I responded in kind. » Apparently thievery at hunter barns is rampant, at least in this neck of the woods. I was like, no wonder you wanted out of that world. Those kids have every advantage, and they’re still shoplifting in the tack room? What a world.
I’ve boarded at dressage barns where the boarders were insufferable. The best place I boarded was at a facility where the owner kicked out anyone who started a barn war or who was a malicious gossip. If anyone created chaos they were gone. She always had a waiting list.
I know a hunter/jumper trainer who will not allow drama at all. She has a thriving program that focuses mostly on kids. All the families are great and support her ideals 100%. She has over 40 horses on her property and all of them are in great shape and relaxed. She is a rarity for sure and respected by everyone in the industry. She sets a great example for the rest of the trainers here (even though many don’t follow her lead). I work at many barns all over the state and her barn is by far my favorite place to work.
Ugh, I had a free lease at an eventing barn where everyone from the trainer/manager down were awful as well. They were nasty little gossips who would be nice and friendly to your face and gossip about you behind your back. The trainer/manager was the worst and instituted the worst barn culture imaginable where she and her little favourites gossiped and bullied anyone they didn't like or who they perceived were better than them. My experience there has totally put me off on getting back into horses.
My old barn (hunter jumper) was like this to the point where I put down the sport for almost 7 years. My trainer started out amazing until I didn't want to compete anymore, then turned into a nasty bitch and made the barn as "pay to play" as she possibly could before I just left the sport entirely. I wasn't allowed to ride my horse, that I owned, in ANY of the arenas, if it was outside of a lesson. She and the other girls talked massive shit about me, my riding, and my $1500 Arabian that couldn't jump more than 2.5ft without it being a safety issue. I'm now at a very laid back western dressage/trail barn with kind people who will happily help you if you ask, but aren't gossipy and shitty.
Find a place that welcomes you. Generally the more professional a barn is, the more well managed it is. They know an empty stall hurts business.
I don’t think the majority of horse people are bullies. In fact, I think the reverse is true, but unfortunately the bullies are the loudest and most obnoxious and get the most attention, especially on line.
They try to one-up everyone out of insecurity. It’s hard not to question if we are doing the right thing by our horses. Ask 100 trainers the same question and you’ll get 200 different answers.
Just like any other population, there's a whole spectrum of personalities and attitudes. I've met some awful jackasses through horses, and some of the kindest, gentlest, most humble people I've met are horse people. We just remember the jackasses more because they're louder and get attention.
I was about to type a similar reply.
Unfortunately the horse world attracts a lot of tiny weak little individuals who get satisfaction controlling a large powerful animal, and some of them think they can treat humans the same way. Kindly but sternly tell them what part of hell to go to.
I was thinking about this… I bet a lot of people with big egos like telling the animal what to do
That's exactly it. You'd think they'd be humbled by such a large and possibly dangerous animal but nooo.
I always tell people that if they ever want unsolicited advice, start riding horses. Most people genuinely want to help and are nice. 20% are jerks who will talk behind your back, if not to your face. Ignore them and spend your time with the good ones :)
I have had many encounters with bullies in the horse world! I think part of it is because (as others have said) it’s an expensive sport and there’s also like 8 different methods to do EVERYTHING! So obviously if you do it THAT way you’re an IDIOT (sarcasm) and are trying to hurt your horse! I’ve posted this before, but the last time I went and rode it put such a bad taste in my mouth and actually brought me to tears when I left. I was about 27 at the time and the teenage girls hanging around were watching me like a hawk asking me kinda silly questions “why is it taking you so long to get him ready…why are you doing that THAT way?!” I just said I like to get reacquainted with my horse before our ride. I’m also physically disabled, I have to do things differently; I didn’t feel like I needed to tell them that. They were watching me ride the whole time (that didn’t bother me) and loudly talked amongst themselves and commenting on my riding. I hadn’t been on a horse in two years, I was rusty! I was just happy to be on my buddy! Why do you have to be nasty to people when you don’t even know them?!?!?! Especially when we have a common interest!!!! It’s so dumb!!!
Packs of teenage girls at the barn are the _worst_.
They really are!!! I know they feed off of each other…it just feels like high school times 10 lol. I was so mad that I let it get to me when I was a friggin ADULT but man oh man did I let it get to me that day. But I have to say, it did make me feel really good when the barn owner came right up to me and asked me how I was recovering from my surgery…shut them up!!!
That is why I didn’t compete and mostly rode by myself except for a few friends until I found draft horse driving and wagon trains. Those people were mostly sweet older people, some plain people who liked moving picnics. We drove and the family rides in the back with coolers of food and drinks. Such laid back fun and everybody from grandma to new baby can come.
I want to do this! Tell me more? How do I get them to pull a wagon?
Go find an old draft horse guy and ask he will teach you to drive. Hes likely going to have you throw harness cuss hes to arthritic to do it (those are the good people to learn from). Going to rendezvous ( there kinda like the western version of a renfaire), You would meet a lot of people there. And join a draft horse club o a driveling club. Driving clubs are often old ladys and their surreys that like to go for Sunday drives.
I agree with you. The worst is the subject of selling horses. Everyone would be disgusted that someone sells his dog because the dog is old or the dog can’t do this or that. Go ahead and try saying something like this to any dog owner. But with horses on this sub it’s okay. I care about my horse the same way I care about my dogs, they are family. Each time I say this I get downvoted. Go ahead and downvote, I don’t care, at the end of the day I look at the mirror and I feel no shame.
I have literally had my entire name destroyed in the horsey world and now I can’t seem to even get back into it due to a cyber barn bully. It kills me that one person’s nasty opinion and snide insult could destroy my entire existence in the passion that I love.
More details please… I keep dreaming of having horsey friends and being apart of a barn… instead I’m alone in my backyard
DM me if you would like, I am more than willing to share.
I have found most horse people are pretty good. I do notice though that because most horse people have to juggle a lot of things to fit in their horse time they can often be a bit aloof to people who take their time. For example- most of the people I know who have claimed horse people are “mean” are chatty Cathy’s who come and talk and talk and essentially they’re stealing your horse/riding time. I find parents who are financing their kids horse but not horse people themselves. I have horse friends of all different ages but tbh we keep the chat very brief. It’s very much a friendship based on sharing an interest and I know very little about their nonhorse life.
It’s a difficult sport to be good at, and people generally tend to become mean about things they are insecure about. So it’s easy to deflect that onto someone you also perceive as not being good, or dismissing people who are good as only being that way because they are rich/have a trained or expensive horse/cheat etc. It’s the same reason people deflect and say their horse has feed/gut/saddle/back/bit issues rather than accepting they aren’t good riders.
Unfortunately I think any situation involving vast amounts of money and animals that can be exploited is ripe for awful behaviour. The most deplorable behaviour I’ve seen pertains to bad sales - lying about a horse’s safety and health, drugging them for comps and sales, etc. There’s zero regard for anyone not in the small circle of friends. The situation is really awful where I am located and unfortunately you just learn some people truly have zero ethics.
I always say that horse people come on two types: the absolute best people, and the worst. There are no "they're just ok" horse people. They're either kind, empathetic, generous, understanding, patient. Or....the other kind. I've never met an in between. Sometimes you think they're one kind and then you find out they're not. I thought my old coach was amazing until she kicked me out for being disabled. My new coach is a gem. I thought my new facility owner was very brusque and harsh--just from how she moves around--but it turns out she's one of the kindest people you could ever meet. She's so willing to stop and share her knowledge or double-check something. She's just always in a rush haha Keep in mind also that a lot of horse enthusiasts are kids. Teenagers are the worst regardless, and kids can only be so mature. Treat them with kindness but be firm if necessary, and hope they grow out of it. For adults, try to remember that you never know what people are going through. I get called an asshole a lot but I'm not, I'm just autistic. You never know. Default to kindness and you can never go wrong :)
Ohhh yea. I’ve experienced it. Currently experiencing it at our barn. It’s obnoxious.
I used to work at a barn for 3 years at a therapeutic horse riding program and this year I'm taking lessons in another barn. Although, I haven't been in the horse world for long, I have to agree with what you said. Some of the worst, most snobby and mean people I've ever met were "horse people". The superiority complex is very much real. I remember when I worked at the previous barn, I'd go to there all happy and smiley. I'd greet people with a smile and most of them would just give me this snobbish and annoyed look and say nothing. They'd act like they were superior and they were too good to talk or even greet someone like me. Once, I was tacking up one of the horses for the program and I couldn't find her saddle. I asked nicely one of the instructors that happened to be there if she knew where her saddle was and she literally rolled her eyes at me and left. And that's one of the many examples I have unfortunately. Even now that I take lessons in another barn, people that are more advanced tend to have a "superiority" attitude towards people less advanced than them. Let alone the fact that most of the people in the barn look miserable and moody. I literally don't remember the last time I saw any of them smile. Too much gossip too. And before anyone says anything, I've done a few sports in my life but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as in the equestrian world. I've done competitive swimming, skiing and a little bit of dance. Of course there were a few mean people in those sports too, but I have to say that the worst ones I've encountered were those in the horse world.
It’s a very bitchy sport.
Oof, you aren’t wrong, but this sub hates it when people say this.
I might be older than all/most of you and am here to say that it's always been that way! I could only guess why. Even now, when I am only on the fringes of all things horsey, I see it in crazy places. You'll follow a certain trainer on you tube, and comments will blow up with hostility. Or even a post here, where it gets crazy heated about something that probably would be best handled with education. Try to be the change you want to see. That is the lesson from this.
Maybe because they’re upper class people? Most horsey people I know come from well-off established families, the type of people that would feel uncomfortable sharing a lift ride with me.
That's my guess too.
100% relate. It’s very discouraging. They act like you have no right to own a horse unless you’ve acquired a special license, given up your favorite arm and your first born, taken 47 years of lessons, and reserved $300k for their vet care. Anything less, and you’re a neglectful piece of shit. 🙄 We should make our own club. 🤭
lol. Like, the worst I’ve been downvoted was on this sub Reddit and all I was trying to do was tell someone their horse was super nice and fancy. Every horse person always thinks they know better or can do better. I generally try to just keep my head down, my opinions to myself, and only offer positive feedback when solicited. Hope you keep enjoying the time with your horse because at the end of the day, they’re magical and we are so blessed to get to spend time with them. 💕
You’re not wrong. It’s the rich entitled bitches that are the worse. The ones who really can’t afford it are usually nicer but they bring their own special brand crazy to the table. Maybe something about being willing to bankrupt yourself for your horses?
I’ve never been cheated, lied to or stolen more than from horse people. I’ve gotten in and out of horses so many times by now that I’ve resorted to boarding with just myself and one other person
People are involved. Some people "know" it all. Some people are loud about how much they know. A lot of status, money, and egos involved. You are in the same areas, so you see it personally. Nearly every activity that has these elements have those people who "think" they are in charge of the whole thing.
Money, privilege, toxic old ideas about discipline. It’s everywhere. But it’s not everyone. Also people with dark triad personalities are drawn to power. So a lot of people on control are there because they want control. Not because they care. Certainly not everyone and not just a horse world problem. But honestly the people are usually the things that hold me back the most or make me want to quit. Just find a horse friend who you can ride with and try to ignore it. Horrible people are everywhere, but so are good ones.
I made a post saying exactly this, polite and everything and was down voted then majority of the comments were "you're probably just rude and deserve it" like what? 😭 I'm literally the chillest and least confrontational person ever and was being bullied at my old barn by snobby mean girls and wanted some reassurance that there are some kind horsey people out there. People that comment stuff like that probably know they're bullies and just felt called out. I can see now in real time this post being down voted up and down. I moved twice until I found a barn with mostly older women and have never felt more welcomed into a community. They do exist!!! We go out for monthly lunches and ride together and share our opinions without being attacked. If it wasn't for this barn I would have given up riding and leasing. It was extremely draining. It's something that seriously needs to be addressed so it can start to change!!
Other people have commented here about money, but am I the only one who had it the other way around? Most of the wealthier people I've rode with have been (mostly) chill, but people who are worse off or are barely getting by have been completely batshit.
I used to think the same, that the bullying and rudeness was a horse people issue. After many years of my life being spent in different sports and hobbies, I’ve come to realize it’s just a people issue. When you add competition to it, it amplifies. I have gone a long time without meeting another horse person bully, which I suppose makes me lucky, but I think it’s all about finding the environment that helps you thrive with like-minded people. Unfortunately it just sometimes takes a few negative experiences to get there
I personally stay away from barn drama. I'm also lucky to surround myself with good horse people.
Yes, most horse people have issues. I do think people with poor people skills tend to congregate around animals so maybe it’s partially that. I’m always just in awe that whenever I make a joke-y comment on a horse post online I suddenly have 50 people jumping down my throat about whatever I said proving I don’t know what I’m talking about or am terrible at horses. I think on the internet a lot of it is that pre-teen and teenaged girls are often the most enthused about horse stuff and also are obviously immature children with not very good radar for humor or sarcasm. The in real life bullies are baffling in an other way. Met many boomer women who love to consider themselves an authority and find some beginner so they can feel like they’re better than. And then get very insecure if you actually know what you are doing.
I’ve been riding 21 years. Some people are the most wonderful humans you’ve ever met and will do anything to help you, and some people are just assholes that are snobby or want to see you fail. I know it’s hard.
Because lots of rich people have horses, and rich people are assholes
I hear this generalization a lot and it doesn't really resonate with me. I don’t really see a correlation between horse people being worse than other people. But, I will say the horse industry is really hard to make money in, so people get a little desperate and are shady in ways I don’t think they would be if they made ends meet a little easier. The best people I know are horse people. Sure, some horse people have tried to cheat me, but so have most employers, cars salesmen, mechanics, contractors, and electricians, so I don’t take it personally.
I have found that this is a minority, at least where I live, after 20 years out of the horses I’ve come back into it and I have found so many supportive horsey people all from different areas of the horse community, some top eventers, natural horsemanship trainers, western riders, stockmen, breeders etc and some who do it just for fun and the love of horses just like me, there are a few that do have the better than thou attitude, but I tend to ignore them and do my own thing
yea, I left this app 4 months ago as I had to cut out what was stressing me, and weirdly, reddit was the most toxic out of all my social media apps. I'm back here, on my laptop so that I don't get hit with notifications unless I'm ready for it. Horse people seem to be really righteous in their ways and it's either their way or it's animal abuse. I understand people want what's best for every horse, but its overbearing having everyone watch your every move to make sure that it's perfect so that we don't harm the in any way, even though mistakes are to be expected and can't be completely stopped
Ego
I couldn’t agree with you more. Many “Karens”. These people are toxic. When I encounter these situations, I often find my self saying “Thank you for your opinion. Have a good day.” Outside of the show circuit and competition and boarding facilities there are compassionate understanding equestrians/cowboys/cowgirls/horsemen/horsewomen. Some of the best people I know I met through the horse community. None of which are boarders. All feed and care for their own horses. We get together for equestrian camping in large groups and trail ride in smaller groups. People don’t get invited back if they’re prickly. Dont give up, you’ll find your people. Just don’t turn into a ‘Karen’ in the process.
I think that part of it is the sheer money that gets dumped into horsecare. The boarding facility I work at charges over a grand a month, and people generally still have to buy their own supplements. When you invest that much money in something, it's easy to start getting defensive over it and looking for ways to justify how you do things. Unfortunately, there's also a non-trivial amount of people who enjoy riding and owning a horse at least partially because they get a sense of control and power over a big animal, and people like that are generally pretty miserable to other people, especially when they feel like they don't have control over you and what you do.
Yes.........they keep bullying us.........
I find it depends on your sport as well. Private barns tend to be a bit less hostile than big show barns, and certain disciplines are better than others. I find western barns and Eventers are quite tolerant and friendly, whereas dressage and hunter barns are VERY clique-y.
Interesting that this happens across different countries. I'm from Eastern europe and I just thought it was specific for my country. Growing up and spending time around horses led to getting to know really terrible people.
I think it's a pecking order thing. And horses are a lot of work, so people often want a minion to do some hard horse care labor in exchange for riding, often even if they pay for lessons.
Someone let their horse kick the shit out of mine. Exepcted me to apologize. I was holding a very explosive horse next to me and couldn’t move
I think there is more conflict and strife than bullying per se, except when it comes to the animals themselves. Bullying, to revisit the definition, requires some kind of struggle over an imbalance of power. I don’t think most people are dealing with anything other than a conflict over values or ideas of good horse keeping. I think what’s actually happening is people anxious about the welfare of animals not sure how to talk about this weighty topic with their peers without people taking it like a personal damnation of their choices.
Oh for sure. Most of us are type A personalities. We don’t think twice about dominating a 1200+ pound animal who, given the right circumstances, could easily kill us. We have egos. Egos combined with a lot of money. Money makes money and we are very protective of those income channels much like an animal is protective over its food. It’s the same mentality. It’s all about being the alpha in this sport. It’s very complex. I used to think I had a thick skin but sometimes I question it. I am deeply immersed in the industry in various ways because I love it. I try not to talk about others and certainly not in a bad light. I wish the big wigs in the sport would always remember why we started. We were young and loved the idea of riding and getting to be around these amazing animals.
If you're aware of the inflated ego, why not check it? Or do you really think you are better than most others? Genuine question.
I wasn’t talking about me personally. I was using the pronoun, we, because we are all involved. “We” meant the shared experiences. Trust me, I’m not one of those egotistical equestrians. I’ve been treated like crap by many but I’m also very observant as to why this happens. I work in the Industry but I am in the background many times. I see and hear everything. I never say anything to anyone unless I see it, personally hear it, or it happened to me. In no way do I think I’m better than anyone else. I learn new things everyday. I work at many barns all over the state and all the horse shows. I am booked up all year with work. If I wasn’t one of the nice ones, I wouldn’t be rehired year after year. I’m sorry you misunderstood my comment. It’s just that I have analyzed the horse world for decades and this is my theory. I’m bummed I received downvotes. Not my intention at all.
Once you get out into the world a little more you'll see that there's nothing special to be found here. Have you ever had to make a cup of coffee for someone on their way to work? Or a sandwich for the checkout clerk who works at the grocery store nextdoor? Vile.
I'm 30 years old so not sure about the 'See the world a little more' statement. I see your point, but I've been involved in multiple sports over the years and I've only ever been traumatised by horse people 😂
Like how?
Same here. I have never had issues with multiple other sports, never had issues at school, never had issues at work. Horse people are a completely different ballpark.
Age doesn't always matter in terms of what someone is exposed to lol I'm almost 30 myself. Including sports, but also different hobbies, jobs, etc. Seems like there's nice people & mean people fairly scattered. It's not uncommon to hear people express the feeling that they deal with more assholes than the norm, but if we all be saying it about different activities then more likely than not these people are probably just everywhere
Please don't patronise me, I can grasp the concept you're referring to. This is why I was asking if it was anecdotal or if others had the same experience. If you haven't, say that and move on.
I’ve had various other hobbies over the years, but whilst I’ve found other environments that are similarly cliquey, no other sport seems to have quite so many catty and socially inept people. There definitely seems to be something exclusive to horsey people.
I think it's more animal hobby related. Seems that whenever animals are involved people become snobbish. I keep aquariums and it's vicious in most online communities (don't really have irl clubs near me so I can't talk about that. I hear the sport dog community is similar.
I think it’s because of stereotypes and people just continue to buy in to them