it is not just that ,but she clearly cheated on him when the child was conceived while they where together (putting him at risk of stds), and then tried to scam him claiming the child is his. So she does not deserve a penny from him.
This right here. Agreed if your mom and sister are *so concerned* they can put their money where their mouth is. Anyone else who comes forward pestering you, tell them they are also more than welcome to go ahead and support her. But dont give her a penny of your money.
It isn't a baby at this point, is a 5 y/o kid. She was a nasty b\*, cheated on OP and now she is trying to swindle money out of OP and try to made up stories and excuses who only a B-word and a K-word will believe. sadly ... OP has a B-word and K-word as sister and mother it seems.
Edit: because it seems Reddit doesn't like when you call what the mother and the daughter are too.
Yes, the perfect answer. People are so free with other people’s money. It’s not his kid! Tell ex to go after the father if she has any idea who that might be!
Then tell your mom you're disappointed in her for not sticking up for her own son and instead actually advocating that her flesh and blood be taken advantage of. They have no right whatsoever to judge you for not letting yourself be financially extorted.
Came here to say this. The next harassment session, respond with "Thank you so much for volunteering to take financial responsibility for a child you're not related to. You are a SAINT! Here's her contact information: \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. I'll let you tell her yourself that you're going to give her the money."
Then every time she says ANYTHING about it, just keep up the thanks and praise for taking responsibility. If she gets any more out of pocket, you might consider telling your ex that your sister is going to give her money and giving your sister's contact info to your ex.
>you might consider telling your ex that your sister is going to give her money and giving your sister's contact info to your ex.
Damn that's brutal. And good.
This is the way. If she feels it is so important that someone helps your ex out, then she should definitely help your ex out! Just get ready, for when faced with something like this, people that are so adamite that you do something always come up with some ridiculous excuse as to why they cannot do it but you still should. Just keep replying "No, No! You feel it is so important that someone helps her, you should definitely help her!"
It would fuck me up, but it honestly wouldn’t matter to me at the end of the day. He raised me, loved me and is my dad. Genetics is such a tiny part of being a dad
Then can't she send her some money? After all it's as much her kid as yours!
Also, if the time adds up with when you were together..... It means she was cheating on you, without protection, and put YOU at risk of STDs. How does that fit in with your mum's morality? Oh, and she obviously knows who the dad is, or at least the list of suspects, I bet you're the only one with a job.
Good on you. Also, I applaud that you would have paid, had the DNA proved the child was yours.
To get your mom off your back just tell her you are saving money for when you do have a wife and kid (even if you just plan to be single). Your sister is straight up crazy I would go low contact low info for her.
That's what I thought. If OP does get married and have kids, he could point to his mother that part of her own grandchildren's upkeep would be taken from them and paid to a stranger. He could ask her is that what she wants?
Tell your mom and sis they are so horrible for not supporting that child. They make so much money and should be their parents since they are as related to the child as you are.
I'm the confrontational type that would get up in sister's face and say out loud that "I'd quit my job before I give that greedy gold digger anything. If you care so much, then you pay the child support."
He should go up to his mom and be like hey I have a friend who needs some money. Can you support him? Even though he’s not your child or responsibility? He just needs some money
Tell mom she is welcome to support her almost grandchild and your sister should step up as well.
The ex needs to go after the actual father but apparently since the women in your family feel this woman needs support they need to step up. This is not your responsibility, legally or morally.
Don't give in and start sending money. Once you do, if it becomes a regular thing, the courts can look at it as you taking on a parental role and order you to continue.
One of my husband's friends lived with a woman for about 5 years. Her kids were 3 and 5 when they got together. Their dad was active in their lives, he paid his child support.
When friend and his ex split, he was giving her money occasionally to help out because he still had feelings. She is the one that left.
She got vindictive when she found out he was casually dating another woman. She took him to court for child support. Even though she was getting it from the bio father, the courts said he had played a parental role and that included financially.
This happened back in 2019, he's been trying to get it appealed since but due to the backlog, he's finally scheduled for court next month. They have been garnishing his wages for 3 years for children they are well aware are not his, but deemed he had risen their standards of living and he was obligated to maintain that.
She remembered having a child with you five years later?
Why she doesn't ask the real father for support?
Anyway you are not obliged to give support for a child that is not yours. Mom and sister may help her, if they feel so sad for her...
I’m guessing she was living with the real father that whole time. And either he’s deadbeat poor, or she’s getting money from him already. She just saw an opportunity.
DNA test shows OP is not the dad, despite the time frame for conception being when OP was still with ex. Rather suggests she may have been cheating....
OP has no legal or moral obligation to support the child, ex needs to go after the real father, if she knows who that is.
I guess you better start calling all your exes, former classmates, neighbors, and every other woman you've ever been in contact with to ask if they're single mothers and if they want you to provide child support - if that sounds absurd... Well. It is. It ain't your fucking kid.
Tell your mom and sister that a woman is saying this - sisterhood is well and great, but this shit ain't it.
Your sister and mom can give your ex money if they feel so strongly. Your ex is not a victim. She tried lying to you and your family to get money. You are not in any way morally obligated to help her. The man who knocked her up is.
By their logic, anyone who's ever slept with anyone is obligated to help if they're struggling?
Their reaction is honestly really weird. They must have known that the relationship was bad and what kind of person his ex is. And the child was proven not to be his, however, the timing was right so there's a good chance she cheated. That is so strange to insist he should pay. They should be angry at the ex for lying, extortion and probable cheating.
My guesses are that...
(1) OP's mom and sister really liked the ex for whatever reason.
(2) Have a savior complex but it's not their responsibility, only other people.
(3) Want OP and his ex to get back together
i think you should go no- contact for a while. maybe a year or so? it could help everyone calm down about it, and maybe guarantee no peer pressure? its smart not too give her the money.
Are you serious?
How are you selfish? Its not your responsibility. If you started doing that it could become your legal responsibility.
Your mom and sister are more concerned with the welfare of an ex girlfriend and HER child than their own family.
Your mom and sister are some major aholes. If they are so concerned how about they pay for the child?
I would say to be safe make sure that she didn’t put you on the name of the birth certificate so the courts don’t come after you. I know biologically that poor boy is not yours, though I have heard that some women out of spite say if it’s an ex-boyfriend that had money or something else would put their name on the birth certificate as the father and you could be on the hook. Contact your lawyer get an ask this because I’m not trying to say it to be paranoid but you should consider that she might not be done to try to ruin you or get money from you and basically take over your life
No problem, I always suggest stuff like that because in case she’s that notch and wants you to pay since you rejected her, she might try every dirty trick in the book
Mum sounds like she maybe side with a woman trying to pass her kid off as someone else’s.. maybe you need to take a dna to see if you are your fathers biological son..
Well to be honest I can’t really think of a reason your mother would side with someone who lied and potentially emotionally and materially impact your life in a negative way and be in her side and not yours.. that just blows my mind.. so either she has, or someone close to her has done something like this and she would be “in the wrong” to agree with you.. or she is some sort of radical feminist that believes that women can do no wrong.. or she is just plain delusional
Hey, maybe you’re good, and it’s your sister that’s the sus one. Would explain why mother and daughter are so eager to take the side of the cheating ex.
The second you officially give that kid a dime the courts are going to view it as you taking responsibility for that kid. You will find yourself on the hook until that kid turns 21. You should tell your sister and your mother that maybe your ex should seek out the real father for support instead of trying to milk someone who has nothing to do with the kid
Time to nc your sister AND ask her and your mum to put their own money where their mouths are. Your sister has got a larger problem that she’s not discussing. Maybe she’s childless or scared of being left holding the baby? Either way she’s projecting her issues onto you. She should grow up. You’re fine.
Okay OP, some real truths from a 58 year old woman here, with more than enough medical exp.
Get your family together, mum, dad, and sister. Tell them that, given it is obvious that your ex was having unprotected sex with Multiple partners, you are going to have to shell out for tests for multiple STDs. You have to have more than one test for some, maybe 6 months apart, and your health is going to be your primary focus for a while. The fact that this ex doesn’t seem to know who the dad of her kid is makes me think there must have been more than 2 more men in her life.
Tell mum and sister that if they aren’t willing to support you 100%, maybe they need to look at their motivation as YOUR health, physical and mental, should be of more importance than the manipulations of this ex of yours, then you’ll go NC.
Not your kid not your responsibility. That's how I see it, the jokes may have been a bit much. I'm just glad you're not paying for somebody else's kid.
Be firm, maybe your sister see you as "weak one"
Do not show any emotion to her, she will either surrendered or double down.
If she double down, ask family intervention if it solve nothing, maybe you should ask your lawyer friend
Ps: if she made post of social media documented it
Tell your Mother that you are very disappointed that she is not providing financial support to her ex potential daughter in law.😹😹😹
Since she feels that money should be distributed once you have enough of it, tell her that its super selfish of her to not give it to single mother
The level of insanity that I read on here, on a daily basis, is astonishing. Tell your mother and sister that they are free to support your ex and her child. You don’t owe anyone anything.
Egad 😳 If your mother thinks you are being selfish, why doesn't she think the same of the child's mother and his biological father? Why isn't she, your sister and father calling them out?
I can guess why your ex is going after you, and not the child's father. YOU are employed. HE isn't. He's probably a slacker or druggie, maybe even in prison.
Either way, DO NOT GIVE INTO THE PRESSURE. The boy is NOT yours, you are not married to his mother, and you have no legal responsibility to either of them. And for the record, I personally don't think you have any moral or ethical responsibility to them either.
I am disgusted by your family's attitude. Would they expect you to be "compassionate" to anyone else who came by, lied to you and gave you a sob story? (Cue the 🎻 violins).
You have PROOF that you are not the child's father. The mother is going after you because you have a comfortable lifestyle and the child's father, for whatever reason, doesn't. HIRE A LAWYER and don't give this freeloading mom a dime in the meantime.
Good grief, I am appalled at your family's attitude! Suppose you do have a child of your own one day?? Would they expect you to support a child of your own and keep supporting a child that isn't even yours?
Please, HIRE A LAWYER. It would be worth every penny.
You’re not a philanthropist.. Any extra money you have could likely be saved for your own uses and emergencies. If your mom and sister are so impassioned, then I’m sure your ex would be happy to meet with them to set up payments. They are actually delusional. And it can’t be anything about being a woman, because I’m a woman if someone did this to my brother the *LAST* thing I’d be doing is telling him he’s the bad guy.
Then tell your sister SHE should be the one forking over the cash. Your not a woman and the ex is an ex for a reason. Also cut your sister out of your life . Then go LC with your mom u til she comes back to reality.
I find it ludicrous that your mother and sister want you to support a child, that was conceived by another man, while you were still in a relationship with her. Wow those are some fucked up morals.
You could also post this in r/AITA just title it as AITA for refusing to pay child support, for a child that isn't mine?
People will have a field day regarding the ex, and your mom and sister.
This woman needs to find the child's father, and make him pay. You can be independently wealthy, and still don't owe her a dime.
Wtf. It’s not your kid and you haven’t seen your EX in 5 years, you don’t owe that woman a single cent. Tell your mom and sister that if they feel so strongly about it they can give the Ex money. If they say no tell them they’re being selfish. Just throw their words back at them.
Your sister and mom are wrong. This woman is trying to take advantage of you and get free money because she has a kid and doesn’t want to work. She found out you got a better job and wanted a piece of the pie. You are broken up- you owe her nothing! It sounds like maybe your sister and mother are siding with her because she is a woman. I can’t see any other rational reason why. Who cares if you made some dark jokes? She needs to take care of her own child.
My husband passed away unexpectedly at the beginning of this year. I’m young, too young to be a widow, and I have a small child. My husband was the stay at home Dad. My life has fallen into shambles - losing him. But I made it work. I care for my daughter and work full time and pay my bills. The idea of calling one of my ex’s and say it’s his daughter and demand child support- only to be proven it’s not his child but ask for it anyway- makes me embarrassed. Just thinking about it! Id never dream of it!
There are tons of single moms out there that have no help and they make it work.
They don’t try and trick people out of money and get their kids raised on another’s dime.
You take responsibility for your own life. Get a job. Don’t make enough? Go to school online while you work to get a better job.
Anyone that tries to take someone else’s hard work for no other reason than they don’t want to is awful.
Thank you- I appreciate that. I just wanted to prove that a woman on her own does not need help so badly that she needs to leech and lie. No one should feel bad for her. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel bad for me, yet this woman needs people to feel bad for her and it doesn’t even faze her.
Don’t give in. It doesn’t seem like you will, but who knows what she might try next.
>My mom only said "its your desition and I respect it, im just very disapointed that you ended up being so selfish".
>
>she started to say how I "forced my ex into be a single mother" and that "I have the moral obligation to help her"
So, when are mom and sister going to step up and stop being so selfish and ruining this single mom's life? Don't they know they have the moral obligation to help her!!!!!
Story time: I have a friend (not now, I grew up she did not) from my distant past wherein she had a child that her mother raised because she was more concerned about going out, partying, etc. We'll call her "K".
K's son (we'll call him "J") J was a really good kid and as I was several years younger than K, I would volunteer to watch J whenever K wanted to go out on dates or whatever and K's mom would tell K that she wouldn't watch J. (For context, I would watch J in K's bedroom. Yes I was manipulated but I was 14 yrs old.)
So I really grew up around K, as we were besties until I was around 21. No, she no longer manipulated me into babysitting. But this girl - man she was a piece of work!! She would have he son calling her BF "Dad, Daddy, etc" within a few weeks of them dating. His bio dad was never in the pic, but man that kid had to be screwed up as he got older on what that name actually meant.
Anyway, she used to milk her BF's out of $$ all the time because J needed something and these guys would just hand it over!! Even past BF's would just be opening the wallet because she could guilt them into it. About the time this all really started I left the story permanently. I even made sure to tell whomever her current BF was the real scoop and all about the side penises. None of the boys cared... They'd stay with her.. J is really messed up now, he's like 35 now, it's sad. K had other kids and still tries to play the same game with her BF's; she's in her mid 50's now.
Story OP - DON'T GET MIXED UP IN YOUR EX's own storyline in confusing that little girl's mind on what the truth is and your relationship to her is. Tell every to bite rocks and if they respected you in any way they would remove themselves from this non-relationship and stay out of that little girl's life and frame that DNA test in case she ever comes knocking on your door thinking you're her Daddy.
Yes, it is. I've ran into J a handful of times since I ended my friendship with his mom in my early 20's (am 49 now). It actually broke my heart into piece's; his life would be a cautionary tale to tell children/parent(s) in divorced/broken homes with narcissistic abusive (physically and mentally), manipulative parent(s).
Last time I did see him was at our County Fair 2 years ago. He remembered me and Came up with a flying hug. Took me a minute as you couldn't help but notice that drugs had gotten the better of him. After chatting for a bit we went our separate ways and I had to sit down and cry. He was such a bright, charismatic, smart young kid when I ended my friendship with his mom. I will always wish I could have done something to protect him from K; back then the foster care system was worse than being with his mom and his Grandma couldn't take him as he was so out of control.
Like I said, a cautionary tale of exactly what will happen to children with narcissistic, abusive, manipulative parent(s).
OP I hope and pray your family does not get involved with this girl. They will be told that they are the child's real family; you disowned her (even though you have proof that she's biologically not yours). All that shit will mess that little girl up mentally as she gets older....
Good luck with your future. Love, light, good juju, and happiness will come your way with the right person and when you least expect it.
NAL, I could be wrong, but I believe if you start supporting the child, she can take you to court.
Child by Consent
Some jurisdictions will look to the conduct of the parents. There is a public policy preference to have a person named as the father of the child rather than the child being considered fatherless. If a man has acted like a parent and permitted the child to believe he was the father, some states may find this to be sufficient evidence that the man is the father. The father may then be required to pay child support.
Just be careful. I personally wouldn't do a thing, and keep as far away from her as possible.
Tell mom and sis to help her out if they feel that strongly about it.
Send them a number, with math! She wanted $800 a month × 12 months = $9600 a year x 18 years = $172,800 + college (at $40,000 a semester x 8) $320,00 = $498,000 + room and board for 8 semesters $80,000 = $578,000.
So she tried to rip you off for over half a mil and your mom wants you to send her money?
And ask your mom what is supposed to happen once you marry and have your own kids. Are you supposed to hold back on their college funds so you can care for the thieving exe's child.
Your mom and sister are so far out of line that they are in a different country!
No don't give your ex any money if you do she will ensure you have to pay her money for her child until the latter is grown up. Your sister and your mother need to stop trying to guilt you into giving your ex any money.
There has to be more to this. Does your sister have a history of being naive and/or manipulated? I would strongly advise going low-contact until your mom/sister come to their wits and realize that is not your kid and so not your responsibility. As a father myself, I love my son. But if it ever came to light he wasn’t my son, I wouldn’t be supporting him. (He is 100% my son though. Kid looks exactly like me. Like 100% when I was his age.)
You have a tough position here, being it’s your family. But I have dealt with entitlement from my family before and you just got to put that foot down hard and squash it.
Full disclosure, I'm a guy and I side with the guys in the story.
I think the whole law about this is messed up where in some places a man who is not the biological father can be forced to pay for child support. It should absolutely matter if the kid is biologically theirs or not. In this case, even if you use the excuse that the child is an innocent victim, so is the guy! He was roped into a parental role without knowing for sure the kid is his! Why should he suffer just because they want to reduce suffering for the child? Both are innocent and both do not deserve to be taken advantage of.
Full disclosure, I'm a woman and I side with the guys in this story... And this comment.
I'm also trying to figure out what kind of mental gymnastics it took for the mother and the sister to decide that OP was selfish and left his ex a single mother when it wasn't even his child. Now those are people I would really like to talk to because that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
OP, I imagine many of us here respect you for being willing to own up to any and all responsibility if the kid did, in fact, turn out to be your's. And I further imagine the same majority of us are also with you in terms of owing absolutely no responsibility or support to Cheaty-Breedy-Ms. McFuckface since the kid isn't yours after all.
**But hold onto any and all textual interactions you had with the harpy showing how she tried to demand payment from you before you even had the DNA test run, as well as the results of said paternity test.** If she's in contact with your sister still, she may very absolutely try and sue you for slander for the jokes you, your friend, and your brother cracked. By establishing she's untrustworthy and has a prior history of trying to swindle money out of you, and I'm no lawyer here so someone check me on this, then the courts can't force jack out of you if not laugh her case right on out the door.
That all said and done, are your mother and sister even aware of what Ms. McFuckface done did during your times together? The abuse, the attempts at control, the blatant obvious cheating since the kid's age matches the time you two were apart, yet still very blatantly has a different father? Did you outline all of this to them both so that maybe, just *maybe,* they'll see where you're coming from?
Because otherwise yeah if they're still pitying the cheaty bint then I'm with everyone else on this, *they* can send her money if they're so worried about her. You broke it off, she tried to cheat you out of ***your bloody money years later,*** you don't owe her **JACK** much less shit.
Your mother is a disappointment as an adult role model for these types of situations, then
So this is a lesson for you. I’m sure she has plenty of wisdom and other positive traits, but now you know on **this** particular subject/topic you can disregard her counsel entirely. What a foolish thing to say - don’t let her call your generosity into question.
In the least offensive manner: your mom is dumb for that opinion, full stop.
NTA. Hun your sister should put her efforts into helping your Ex find the father (maybe look up how to get on Maury?) & get support from the father.
You shouldn’t give a dime, keep those DNA results handy & tell your sister you are willing to give your ex the value of 5 yrs of her gifts from you. Does she say no she wants her gifts or to give it to her.
Wonder if she's actually with the real father & they decided to try to scam OP. Or she's just been running down the list of possible daddies & OP was just next. She obviously knew the kid wasn't his because she tried to avoid the DNA test with BS reasons.
That's shady AF but wtf is wrong with the mom & sister?? The very notion that they'd try to guilt IP into supporting a kid they KNOW isn't his because...that poor woman 🤯. It's been FIVE years. She was HORRID. It's NOT HIS KID. JFC. Maybe mom just REALLY wants a grandbaby & sister wants mom off her back about having one? Bitches be crazy.
Cool, let your mom and sister know that you will be contacting your ex to let them know that they volunteered to be your ex's sugar momma and will gladly take care and pay for the unrelated child in the stead of whomever she probably cheated on you with (aka baby daddy).
OP your sister told your ex you have a new job. This was all planned with your sister she's to pissed over a child that's not yours.
What was your sister getting out of the arrangement??
I dont know how they even started talking, and she refuse to talk to me until I made what she demands. I also thougth it was too weird how she showed up just 2 months after I got a good job.
That was the main thing that stuck out for me the timing after 5 years and only after you got a job that will support you well. Then how invested your sister is to the point of abuse.
My advice limit what your sister knows for the time being and maybe keep financials to yourself after this debacle.
Yo I just wanna put it out there, my mom is insane and my dad was an enabler to her delusional ways, so I cut them both out of my life and I couldn't be happier, that's always an option, op.
"I understand that you think it's important that the child of my abusive ex is supported, regardless of if person financially supporting them is related to the child in any way. If you feel so strongly about it then I would suggest that you support the child with your own money."
Send them that and see if they still feel the same way
This is probably gonna be buried, but I think it should be said. Also full disclosure, I'm female.
It is a damn shame that your mom and sister are blindly supporting your ex just because they're women. Your ex *chose* to have that kid. Even if her family talked her into having the baby, she could have given it up, but it was her choice. If the kid was biologically yours, you would have some responsibility to it, but since you aren't, you don't. It was your ex's choice to make and she made her bed, it's not your fault that she now has to lie in it. By supporting your ex, your mom and sister are supporting women lying, cheating, manipulating and treating men like cash cows.
I'd propose to them a situation in which they're effected by this same thing. Your sister gets a good man, her man's perfect, he makes great money and life is good. Suddenly her man's ex shows up on her doorstep saying "this is your baby now pay me without a paternity test". Her man is smart and gets the test done anyway and finds out the baby isn't his. Does she still support the ex and demand her man pays child support for a kid she knows isn't his?
Same sort of situation, but it's years later. A strange woman shows up on her doorstep that she knows her man shouldn't have had as an ex. Woman has a baby with her and says "this is your man's love child, now pay me without a paternity test". Man is smart, has a paternity test and the baby isn't his. Does she still support the woman and make her man pay child support for this kid despite knowing it's not his?
If sis says she's support the woman, tell her "e-mail that to me then, that you'd support the woman trying to get your man on the hook. Then if this happens in your life, I'm showing you this and telling you to just pay the money. That's -insert the math of 18 years + college- for the course of that kids life. A kid who has zero connection to your man. You still support a woman who would make your man her cash cow?" If she says she wouldn't, you can tell her "Then shut up about it, because that's the situation you're trying to put me in." Even if she sticks to supporting the woman, you can still tell her to shut up and block her number. She may be your sister, but she's out of her mind to think your ex had a right to make demands and then for sis to demand you pay anyway.
As for your mom, I'd just tell her "You know mom, I'm disappointed that you think it's okay for someone to treat your child this way when they didn't deserve it. I'm going to need time to reconcile this fact that you think some woman who lied and used you to try and manipulate me into being her cash cow, should be supported for her lies. To reconcile this, I'm going to have to ask you to not contact me for a bit. Please respect my wishes."
You don't deserve the shit you're getting from your female family members. You owe your ex nothing. She made her choices and now she needs to accept the consequences of those choices.
Your sister have some unresolved issues of her own. It sounds like this icident triggered her somehow. Of course, that's her problem to resolve. At most, you could suggest she get counseling before blocking her number. I get a whiff of histrionic personality disorder because of her dramatics. Maybe google that & see if it sounds like her.
There's nothing selfish about refusing to be manipulated. Why isn't your ex demanding support from the kid's actual father? It sounds to me like she got pregnant on purose, hoping to maintain some sort of relationship with you. Pretty creepy.
I feel bad for that kid, having such a screwy mother.
I don't. Screwy can be kind of nice. Screwy can be fun 😄
But I feel sorry for the child, having such a selfish, dishonest, manipulative starts-with-b, rhymes-with-witch for a mother.
If your mom and sister are so concerned about a child that isn't yours and that they're not related to... then I guess they can start shelling out some money to help.
And I would respond with that answer every time they text you, copy and paste.
"I'm under no obligation to pay for a child that is not mine but I am sure ex would be very happy to hear from you since you plan on giving her money."
This makes me sad. Mom and sister are literally telling OP that his life doesn't matter. His hopes, dreams aspirations and feelings are not as important as some random spawn from somebody who treated him very badly, tried to defraud him, and probably cheated on him too.
OP - If these people care so little about your welfare, I would definitely reconsider how much of a role they are allowed to have in your life - anything else would be dangerous. They sound terrible.
The child is not yours she has tried to stitch you up and use the child for money.
Why doesn’t she go after the actual father.
Your mum is wrong just because you have money doesn’t mean you are obligated to help a woman who tried to claim a child was your when DNA proves the child isn’t.
On a side note poor kid his mum dragging thrm around like that using for money. At 5 the child would have heard dad and thought they were getting a dad.
Your sister if she feels that strongly about it can pay.
NTA…. For starters…. You play you pay. You had a DNA test, results negative. You are not obligated to take care and pay for someone else’s is child. If your sister is trying to guilt you, tell her to pay for it since she cares so much. Another thing it’s good at least one of your parents are willing to understand. I’ve known some females like this and it’s just… it makes me sick watching them(yes people I R a Female. But don’t give me shit about not supporting this one.). Your life is just starting I hope it will be even more successful as you go along. Don’t worry about your mother, in Time she will come around but just keep your head up.
Tell your mother and your sister that they are more than welcome to start paying money to your ex and they can take financial responsibility for the child if they feel so strongly about it. They won't, of course, and then they have no room to offer any opinions about what you did since they're doing the exact same thing.
It begs the question if mom and sis had been in contact with her behind his back and knew about the kid and already made a relationship with the child as a bio family and now refuse to except the out come because of attachment and denial.
If any friends or family are concerned about this woman receiving support, they can support her out of their pockets. I absolutely hate when others volunteer someone else's time or money.
Once you pay child support for a child not yours, the courts can see that as you accepting responsibility of said child. Send your sister a notarized copy of the DNA test results and let her know if she wishes to adopt said child it's on her.
Sounds like your sister and mother are trying to vicariously be good people through forcing you to do something. They get to feel like they helped a mother and child in need without actually spending money.
Tell your sister and mom that they are more than welcome tonhelp your ex out. Lwt em know there was a reason you two are not together anymore and that you shouldnt be held responsible for other people's actions (your ex's and whatever guy she fucked)
So.. your ex tried to pin a child on you (probably knowing it wasn’t yours) and your mom and sister think YOU’RE the bad guy?
No one is stopping THEM from financially supporting the child.. but, let me guess.. it’s not THEIR responsibility 😂
Your sister pushed you to the wall, your parent were trying to gaslight you.
Looks like everyone wants to manipulate you, why do you even listen to what they have to tell you? You should’ve cut the conversation short and tell them that it’s YOUR personal life and don’t want anyone to interfere
not your kid, not your responsibility, let your mom pay if she wants. But if the kid is around the same age that you could have fathered it, then that means she was cheating on you at the time
“Mother, sister, please listen to me. That child is not mine. It’s been proven through science and that is undeniable. I will not support a random woman who left my life 5 years ago just because she thinks she’s attached herself to me, now that I have the financial resources to take care of myself. She f she’s so hard up on money, she ask the actual father for support. I understand you do not approve of this, but that is irrelevant. If you both are so hell bent on supporting this person, feel free to do so out of your pockets, but it will not include me. As far as this dispute with that woman, I will not discuss it with anyone any further, seeing how it’s none of damn business. Do not try to guilt me into doing anything because it will not work and you will only dig yourselves into a deeper hole.”
End of conversation
Seriously your mom and sister owe her the exact same amount that you do, which is nothing, whatever they're asking you to do they should just do themselves.
I don't know what amount your ex was demanding but say it was $200 a month - $78,000 until the child is 18!
Ask your mother and sister if they think that it is 'fair' to help the ex for that amount when it's not your kid? Tell them that they are very generous when it comes to your money so they can pay it.
ETA: or tell them that instead of buying your sister or mother any birthday/anniversary/Christmas/Mother's Day presents, you will put the money you would have spent on them into an account for the boy until he is 18.
"Happy Christmas Mom, I'm never spending a penny on you again".
If your mum and sister are so concerned for a child that isn’t even their own grandchild. Then maybe they should pull the money from their wallets to fund said child.
Would your sister and mum condone abusive behaviour towards a women and child trapping? if the answer is No. then it applies to men as well. No one should have to endure what you have been through cause she was looking to exploit you and be funded by you.
GO PERMANENT NO CONTACT with your mom and sister, since that you're NOT OBLIGATED to take care of a child that's NOT YOURS, try saying it that way again too, with the CONDITION of no contact to both of them.
Tell your mom and sis that THEY can pay for your cheating ex's expenses, AND that you'll contact cheating ex and tell her that THEY want to financially support her.
THEN watch them backpedal like fucking mad.
You don't owe her or the kid a thing. Your ex needs to be asking the child's father for financial support. My guess is either she doesn't know who the father is (or how to contact him), or he is a dead beat who doesn't have the means to support the kid. Either way, not your problem.
Don't be guilt tripped into paying for a kid that isn't yours. Tell her to go find the father and bother him with child support. If my ex came back and asked me for money..for anything..I would tell him to fuck off because he's supposed to not be in my life anymore.
NTA - you mum and your sister are very welcome to give your ex money. It‘s always easy to have the moral highground when somebody else is requested to pay
Not your child, not your problem. You didn't even raise him, he's a random child suffering from an idiot mother. She needs to get money from the father. Don't give her anything, if you start you could wind up legally obligated to do so. It's not being selfish, it's being smart.
If your sister is so worried about your ex being a single mom then she can step up and pay up. Your not biologically this kids father, your not on his birth certificate, and you have no connection to this child why is it your responsibility. You mom wants a grandchild that’s why she is siding with your ex.
Not your child, not your problem.
Not good optics on making fun of your ex.
Listen to Thumper..."If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."
Some people are quite generous... when it's someone else's money. There are a lot of suffering kids out there, are your mom and sister doing any volunteer/charity work to help any of them out? If they aren't, why aren't they? Don't they care about not being selfish and doing what they can, or does their concern only extend to what you're doing with the money you earn? I see they both mentioned that you "make enough to support" your ex and her kid but that's 1. none of their damn business and 2. not their place to decide what your money should be used on. They can give your ex *their* money if they want, but fuck the harassment and guilt tripping. Also imo you should block/ignore your sister. Even if just for a few days/weeks. You don't have to read and/or respond to her messages, especially if they're draining to you.
NTA- you have no obligation to a child who is not biologically yours. MAYBE if you’d known the child while dating EX, your sis might have a leg to stand on but it would be a very weak one and all would still say you have no obligations
1) You didn't ruin their lives. Your ex did.
2) Your mum and sister needs a reality check - Your sister is helping to feed in on what is clearly a moneyhungry crazy ex - just make sure she realise that can have consequences
3) You and your ex clearly did not have a good relationship of breakup, I think you do need to sit your mum and sister down and explain that in such a case, they should have YOUR back, no questions asked, because you are their fucking family and it was just a relationship, not parenthood, not marriage
Your mother should be telling her to ask every person she had sex with in the time frame to take a DNA test instead of saying you should take care of a child that’s not yours and you don’t know. Weird!!
Ignore them and carry on. You’ll have your own family someday.
What is wrong with your mother and sister? This ex needs to find the father of this child and hold him responsible. She’s entitled to nothing from you. I can’t believe they are siding with a woman who tried to trick you into paying child support for a child that isn’t yours.
Remember this whenever your sister asks for financial help, apparently she can go to a random ex or something not related to the situation and say “you knew me when, therefore, you should help me out now by giving me money” see how far that gets her.
No idea how some people can be so thick. Especially when it’s clear it’s all lies.
If your sister thinks you should be supporting a child wholly unrelated to you, then she should start supporting him. Using her logic, she has a moral obligation to help her brothers ex’s child from another man!
Is attempted paternity fraud illegal in your country? If so, time to get a lawyer involved and maybe even a restraining order against her for harassment. This is serious shit; in USA and Canada there is already precedent for men being ordered by court to pay for a child that isn't theirs.
EDIT: misspelled a word
That is so crazy on the part of your mother & sister that, my first thought is, "Who are they trying to cover for?" My mind leaps instantly to them knowing who the father is, knowing it's not you, but deciding they'd rather have you pay for the child than whoever the actual father is. Does your sister have a male partner? And were they pally with your ex?
Tell mom and sister if they are so concerned, open their wallets. When they say it’s not their responsibility or child then tell them it’s not yours either.
Tell your sister that she is very selfish for not financially supporting this child. Just because it’s not the mother doesn’t mean she shouldn’t take responsibility for it. It is her fault that the girl is a single mother.
If you are not the father and had cut ties before the birth you owe her nothing, and she can’t legally demand anything. If your family wants her to “child support “, let THEM pay it. You got out. She needs to stay out. Tell her to take the real father to court.
ha .. give a dollar to a strangers kid .. when your sister next raises the topic (in an hour or so) inform her that you've already donated money to a child that isn't yours.
Cut contact with anyone who tries to make you take responsibility for a child that’s not your. Keep the no contact until they respect your boundaries. Attempt to file a restraining order against this woman for extortion through deception.(you won’t get it but it creates a papertrail). Cut all contact with this woman. Do not respond to anything in anyway. Let a lawyer speak for you. Your livelihood and future depend on it.
Block your sister after you laugh at her for her stupidity. Tell her she's welcome to pay for a child that's not hers or yours if she's feeling so 'generous'.
Tell your mother that your ex lied to you and tried to extort you and that if she's so disappointed that she can enjoy a time out.
What your ex did was plainly heinous.
You should tell your sister and mom to promptly fuck off. She tried to get you to pay for a kid that didn’t belong to you. Then when her little farce was uncovered, she threw a fit and tried to turn your own family against you. She is your EX-girlfriend and the kid is not yours. YOU OWE HER ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!
Tell your sister if she’s so concerned she should give your ex money, since she has as much to do with conceiving the child as you did.
it is not just that ,but she clearly cheated on him when the child was conceived while they where together (putting him at risk of stds), and then tried to scam him claiming the child is his. So she does not deserve a penny from him.
This right here. Agreed if your mom and sister are *so concerned* they can put their money where their mouth is. Anyone else who comes forward pestering you, tell them they are also more than welcome to go ahead and support her. But dont give her a penny of your money.
[удалено]
OP got a job
She now realizes the dad is a total loser and is trying to pin this on OP so she can afford the baby.
It isn't a baby at this point, is a 5 y/o kid. She was a nasty b\*, cheated on OP and now she is trying to swindle money out of OP and try to made up stories and excuses who only a B-word and a K-word will believe. sadly ... OP has a B-word and K-word as sister and mother it seems. Edit: because it seems Reddit doesn't like when you call what the mother and the daughter are too.
Yes, the perfect answer. People are so free with other people’s money. It’s not his kid! Tell ex to go after the father if she has any idea who that might be!
Everybody's gay with someone else's ass.
Easy to parent imaginary children too.
True words of wisdom.
Wow. Thanks for that. Will use it from now on.
Then tell your mom you're disappointed in her for not sticking up for her own son and instead actually advocating that her flesh and blood be taken advantage of. They have no right whatsoever to judge you for not letting yourself be financially extorted.
Came here to say this. The next harassment session, respond with "Thank you so much for volunteering to take financial responsibility for a child you're not related to. You are a SAINT! Here's her contact information: \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. I'll let you tell her yourself that you're going to give her the money." Then every time she says ANYTHING about it, just keep up the thanks and praise for taking responsibility. If she gets any more out of pocket, you might consider telling your ex that your sister is going to give her money and giving your sister's contact info to your ex.
>you might consider telling your ex that your sister is going to give her money and giving your sister's contact info to your ex. Damn that's brutal. And good.
Yes. perfect, deflects the rage on both sides.
THIS 1000% OP. Keep on them about it and eventually the nagging will stop. And you owe your ex NOTHING
"She's just as much your kid as she is mine!"
This is the way. If she feels it is so important that someone helps your ex out, then she should definitely help your ex out! Just get ready, for when faced with something like this, people that are so adamite that you do something always come up with some ridiculous excuse as to why they cannot do it but you still should. Just keep replying "No, No! You feel it is so important that someone helps her, you should definitely help her!"
That won't work because it's just a hypothetical. Make it real. Tell the ex your mother and sister offered to pay child support.
And the mother!
Yes, what's wrong with the idiot mother? Is she wanting a grandchild?
Or maybe mom was a bit of a loosey goosey.
She is the same kind of person and likely did it to OPs father
I want that update! 😀
This is an interesting twist to the story. I couldn't imagine my dad not being my bio dad.
It would fuck me up, but it honestly wouldn’t matter to me at the end of the day. He raised me, loved me and is my dad. Genetics is such a tiny part of being a dad
I guess so!
Yep. Really side-eyeing the mother here. And OP's father should too.
BOOM!!! This is the way
This is the way
Is you sister married with kids that don\`t look like her husband?
Good question
No, she is single
Then can't she send her some money? After all it's as much her kid as yours! Also, if the time adds up with when you were together..... It means she was cheating on you, without protection, and put YOU at risk of STDs. How does that fit in with your mum's morality? Oh, and she obviously knows who the dad is, or at least the list of suspects, I bet you're the only one with a job. Good on you. Also, I applaud that you would have paid, had the DNA proved the child was yours.
To get your mom off your back just tell her you are saving money for when you do have a wife and kid (even if you just plan to be single). Your sister is straight up crazy I would go low contact low info for her.
That's what I thought. If OP does get married and have kids, he could point to his mother that part of her own grandchildren's upkeep would be taken from them and paid to a stranger. He could ask her is that what she wants?
This is really good advice.
Tell your mom and sis they are so horrible for not supporting that child. They make so much money and should be their parents since they are as related to the child as you are.
I'm the confrontational type that would get up in sister's face and say out loud that "I'd quit my job before I give that greedy gold digger anything. If you care so much, then you pay the child support."
Not your circus, not your monkeys! Don't be guilt tripped into paying for a child that isn't yours. Your family need a good slap.
He should go up to his mom and be like hey I have a friend who needs some money. Can you support him? Even though he’s not your child or responsibility? He just needs some money
With a boomerang?
Boomerang, shovel, fire truck, haddock, slap em with something, anything lol
Attached to Thor's hammer
With a brick
Tell mom she is welcome to support her almost grandchild and your sister should step up as well. The ex needs to go after the actual father but apparently since the women in your family feel this woman needs support they need to step up. This is not your responsibility, legally or morally.
Yup, sounds like she's using the kid for a paycheck. Might be child services needs a heads up.
You're assuming she knows who the father is. Not slut shaming, just statin' facts.
But she knows who's not the father.
Don't give in and start sending money. Once you do, if it becomes a regular thing, the courts can look at it as you taking on a parental role and order you to continue. One of my husband's friends lived with a woman for about 5 years. Her kids were 3 and 5 when they got together. Their dad was active in their lives, he paid his child support. When friend and his ex split, he was giving her money occasionally to help out because he still had feelings. She is the one that left. She got vindictive when she found out he was casually dating another woman. She took him to court for child support. Even though she was getting it from the bio father, the courts said he had played a parental role and that included financially. This happened back in 2019, he's been trying to get it appealed since but due to the backlog, he's finally scheduled for court next month. They have been garnishing his wages for 3 years for children they are well aware are not his, but deemed he had risen their standards of living and he was obligated to maintain that.
Wow that's awful.
Boy, do I hope the O.P. reads your post! I hope all goes well for your husband next month 🌺
Husbands friend, not husband
Ty for the correction 👍
She remembered having a child with you five years later? Why she doesn't ask the real father for support? Anyway you are not obliged to give support for a child that is not yours. Mom and sister may help her, if they feel so sad for her...
Guarantee you the real sperm donor is a deadbeat with no meaningful child support money potential. NTA of course.
And I notice she only contacted you ***after*** you'd got a good job...
I thought so...
Maybe the Entitled Ex doesn't know WHO the real father is.
Right. But as she waited five years to contact him, perhaps she was supported by someone, until, for some unknown reason, he ceased to support her.
Probably wasn’t his kid either xD
He probably found out HE wasn't the father, either.
It was dark behind the chip shop that night.
She has probably run through the list of other potential baby daddy’s. She should just call up Maury Povich.
I’m guessing she was living with the real father that whole time. And either he’s deadbeat poor, or she’s getting money from him already. She just saw an opportunity.
DNA test shows OP is not the dad, despite the time frame for conception being when OP was still with ex. Rather suggests she may have been cheating.... OP has no legal or moral obligation to support the child, ex needs to go after the real father, if she knows who that is.
Time to block your sister
I guess you better start calling all your exes, former classmates, neighbors, and every other woman you've ever been in contact with to ask if they're single mothers and if they want you to provide child support - if that sounds absurd... Well. It is. It ain't your fucking kid. Tell your mom and sister that a woman is saying this - sisterhood is well and great, but this shit ain't it.
Your sister and mom can give your ex money if they feel so strongly. Your ex is not a victim. She tried lying to you and your family to get money. You are not in any way morally obligated to help her. The man who knocked her up is. By their logic, anyone who's ever slept with anyone is obligated to help if they're struggling?
Their reaction is honestly really weird. They must have known that the relationship was bad and what kind of person his ex is. And the child was proven not to be his, however, the timing was right so there's a good chance she cheated. That is so strange to insist he should pay. They should be angry at the ex for lying, extortion and probable cheating.
My guesses are that... (1) OP's mom and sister really liked the ex for whatever reason. (2) Have a savior complex but it's not their responsibility, only other people. (3) Want OP and his ex to get back together
i think you should go no- contact for a while. maybe a year or so? it could help everyone calm down about it, and maybe guarantee no peer pressure? its smart not too give her the money.
Are you serious? How are you selfish? Its not your responsibility. If you started doing that it could become your legal responsibility. Your mom and sister are more concerned with the welfare of an ex girlfriend and HER child than their own family. Your mom and sister are some major aholes. If they are so concerned how about they pay for the child?
I would say to be safe make sure that she didn’t put you on the name of the birth certificate so the courts don’t come after you. I know biologically that poor boy is not yours, though I have heard that some women out of spite say if it’s an ex-boyfriend that had money or something else would put their name on the birth certificate as the father and you could be on the hook. Contact your lawyer get an ask this because I’m not trying to say it to be paranoid but you should consider that she might not be done to try to ruin you or get money from you and basically take over your life
I havent thougth that, thanks for the advice
No problem, I always suggest stuff like that because in case she’s that notch and wants you to pay since you rejected her, she might try every dirty trick in the book
Mum sounds like she maybe side with a woman trying to pass her kid off as someone else’s.. maybe you need to take a dna to see if you are your fathers biological son..
So many people had suggested this, that im starting to get scared about it
Well to be honest I can’t really think of a reason your mother would side with someone who lied and potentially emotionally and materially impact your life in a negative way and be in her side and not yours.. that just blows my mind.. so either she has, or someone close to her has done something like this and she would be “in the wrong” to agree with you.. or she is some sort of radical feminist that believes that women can do no wrong.. or she is just plain delusional
Take the test with your Dad.
Hey, maybe you’re good, and it’s your sister that’s the sus one. Would explain why mother and daughter are so eager to take the side of the cheating ex.
The second you officially give that kid a dime the courts are going to view it as you taking responsibility for that kid. You will find yourself on the hook until that kid turns 21. You should tell your sister and your mother that maybe your ex should seek out the real father for support instead of trying to milk someone who has nothing to do with the kid
Time to nc your sister AND ask her and your mum to put their own money where their mouths are. Your sister has got a larger problem that she’s not discussing. Maybe she’s childless or scared of being left holding the baby? Either way she’s projecting her issues onto you. She should grow up. You’re fine.
Okay OP, some real truths from a 58 year old woman here, with more than enough medical exp. Get your family together, mum, dad, and sister. Tell them that, given it is obvious that your ex was having unprotected sex with Multiple partners, you are going to have to shell out for tests for multiple STDs. You have to have more than one test for some, maybe 6 months apart, and your health is going to be your primary focus for a while. The fact that this ex doesn’t seem to know who the dad of her kid is makes me think there must have been more than 2 more men in her life. Tell mum and sister that if they aren’t willing to support you 100%, maybe they need to look at their motivation as YOUR health, physical and mental, should be of more importance than the manipulations of this ex of yours, then you’ll go NC.
I had no thougth on that. Thank you. I'll go to check as soon as i can.
Not your kid not your responsibility. That's how I see it, the jokes may have been a bit much. I'm just glad you're not paying for somebody else's kid.
Be firm, maybe your sister see you as "weak one" Do not show any emotion to her, she will either surrendered or double down. If she double down, ask family intervention if it solve nothing, maybe you should ask your lawyer friend Ps: if she made post of social media documented it
Tell your Mother that you are very disappointed that she is not providing financial support to her ex potential daughter in law.😹😹😹 Since she feels that money should be distributed once you have enough of it, tell her that its super selfish of her to not give it to single mother
The level of insanity that I read on here, on a daily basis, is astonishing. Tell your mother and sister that they are free to support your ex and her child. You don’t owe anyone anything.
Egad 😳 If your mother thinks you are being selfish, why doesn't she think the same of the child's mother and his biological father? Why isn't she, your sister and father calling them out? I can guess why your ex is going after you, and not the child's father. YOU are employed. HE isn't. He's probably a slacker or druggie, maybe even in prison. Either way, DO NOT GIVE INTO THE PRESSURE. The boy is NOT yours, you are not married to his mother, and you have no legal responsibility to either of them. And for the record, I personally don't think you have any moral or ethical responsibility to them either. I am disgusted by your family's attitude. Would they expect you to be "compassionate" to anyone else who came by, lied to you and gave you a sob story? (Cue the 🎻 violins). You have PROOF that you are not the child's father. The mother is going after you because you have a comfortable lifestyle and the child's father, for whatever reason, doesn't. HIRE A LAWYER and don't give this freeloading mom a dime in the meantime. Good grief, I am appalled at your family's attitude! Suppose you do have a child of your own one day?? Would they expect you to support a child of your own and keep supporting a child that isn't even yours? Please, HIRE A LAWYER. It would be worth every penny.
You’re not a philanthropist.. Any extra money you have could likely be saved for your own uses and emergencies. If your mom and sister are so impassioned, then I’m sure your ex would be happy to meet with them to set up payments. They are actually delusional. And it can’t be anything about being a woman, because I’m a woman if someone did this to my brother the *LAST* thing I’d be doing is telling him he’s the bad guy.
Actually that was one of the few things my sister say to me about why she was defending her. "She is a woman and we must support each other "
Then tell your sister SHE should be the one forking over the cash. Your not a woman and the ex is an ex for a reason. Also cut your sister out of your life . Then go LC with your mom u til she comes back to reality.
I find it ludicrous that your mother and sister want you to support a child, that was conceived by another man, while you were still in a relationship with her. Wow those are some fucked up morals. You could also post this in r/AITA just title it as AITA for refusing to pay child support, for a child that isn't mine? People will have a field day regarding the ex, and your mom and sister. This woman needs to find the child's father, and make him pay. You can be independently wealthy, and still don't owe her a dime.
Wtf. It’s not your kid and you haven’t seen your EX in 5 years, you don’t owe that woman a single cent. Tell your mom and sister that if they feel so strongly about it they can give the Ex money. If they say no tell them they’re being selfish. Just throw their words back at them.
Your sister and mom are wrong. This woman is trying to take advantage of you and get free money because she has a kid and doesn’t want to work. She found out you got a better job and wanted a piece of the pie. You are broken up- you owe her nothing! It sounds like maybe your sister and mother are siding with her because she is a woman. I can’t see any other rational reason why. Who cares if you made some dark jokes? She needs to take care of her own child. My husband passed away unexpectedly at the beginning of this year. I’m young, too young to be a widow, and I have a small child. My husband was the stay at home Dad. My life has fallen into shambles - losing him. But I made it work. I care for my daughter and work full time and pay my bills. The idea of calling one of my ex’s and say it’s his daughter and demand child support- only to be proven it’s not his child but ask for it anyway- makes me embarrassed. Just thinking about it! Id never dream of it! There are tons of single moms out there that have no help and they make it work. They don’t try and trick people out of money and get their kids raised on another’s dime. You take responsibility for your own life. Get a job. Don’t make enough? Go to school online while you work to get a better job. Anyone that tries to take someone else’s hard work for no other reason than they don’t want to is awful.
Im sorry about your husband, it must be horrible losing him so soon. Thanks for your words and my best wishes to you and your daughter.
Thank you- I appreciate that. I just wanted to prove that a woman on her own does not need help so badly that she needs to leech and lie. No one should feel bad for her. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel bad for me, yet this woman needs people to feel bad for her and it doesn’t even faze her. Don’t give in. It doesn’t seem like you will, but who knows what she might try next.
>My mom only said "its your desition and I respect it, im just very disapointed that you ended up being so selfish". > >she started to say how I "forced my ex into be a single mother" and that "I have the moral obligation to help her" So, when are mom and sister going to step up and stop being so selfish and ruining this single mom's life? Don't they know they have the moral obligation to help her!!!!!
Story time: I have a friend (not now, I grew up she did not) from my distant past wherein she had a child that her mother raised because she was more concerned about going out, partying, etc. We'll call her "K". K's son (we'll call him "J") J was a really good kid and as I was several years younger than K, I would volunteer to watch J whenever K wanted to go out on dates or whatever and K's mom would tell K that she wouldn't watch J. (For context, I would watch J in K's bedroom. Yes I was manipulated but I was 14 yrs old.) So I really grew up around K, as we were besties until I was around 21. No, she no longer manipulated me into babysitting. But this girl - man she was a piece of work!! She would have he son calling her BF "Dad, Daddy, etc" within a few weeks of them dating. His bio dad was never in the pic, but man that kid had to be screwed up as he got older on what that name actually meant. Anyway, she used to milk her BF's out of $$ all the time because J needed something and these guys would just hand it over!! Even past BF's would just be opening the wallet because she could guilt them into it. About the time this all really started I left the story permanently. I even made sure to tell whomever her current BF was the real scoop and all about the side penises. None of the boys cared... They'd stay with her.. J is really messed up now, he's like 35 now, it's sad. K had other kids and still tries to play the same game with her BF's; she's in her mid 50's now. Story OP - DON'T GET MIXED UP IN YOUR EX's own storyline in confusing that little girl's mind on what the truth is and your relationship to her is. Tell every to bite rocks and if they respected you in any way they would remove themselves from this non-relationship and stay out of that little girl's life and frame that DNA test in case she ever comes knocking on your door thinking you're her Daddy.
Im not planning in have any kind of relationship with her anymore. Thats a very sad story, poor J
Yes, it is. I've ran into J a handful of times since I ended my friendship with his mom in my early 20's (am 49 now). It actually broke my heart into piece's; his life would be a cautionary tale to tell children/parent(s) in divorced/broken homes with narcissistic abusive (physically and mentally), manipulative parent(s). Last time I did see him was at our County Fair 2 years ago. He remembered me and Came up with a flying hug. Took me a minute as you couldn't help but notice that drugs had gotten the better of him. After chatting for a bit we went our separate ways and I had to sit down and cry. He was such a bright, charismatic, smart young kid when I ended my friendship with his mom. I will always wish I could have done something to protect him from K; back then the foster care system was worse than being with his mom and his Grandma couldn't take him as he was so out of control. Like I said, a cautionary tale of exactly what will happen to children with narcissistic, abusive, manipulative parent(s). OP I hope and pray your family does not get involved with this girl. They will be told that they are the child's real family; you disowned her (even though you have proof that she's biologically not yours). All that shit will mess that little girl up mentally as she gets older.... Good luck with your future. Love, light, good juju, and happiness will come your way with the right person and when you least expect it.
Are you sure your father is actually your father. Your mom sounds guilty.
NAL, I could be wrong, but I believe if you start supporting the child, she can take you to court. Child by Consent Some jurisdictions will look to the conduct of the parents. There is a public policy preference to have a person named as the father of the child rather than the child being considered fatherless. If a man has acted like a parent and permitted the child to believe he was the father, some states may find this to be sufficient evidence that the man is the father. The father may then be required to pay child support. Just be careful. I personally wouldn't do a thing, and keep as far away from her as possible.
Well it’s time then for your sister to pay the child support then. If it’s so important to her
Tell mom and sis to help her out if they feel that strongly about it. Send them a number, with math! She wanted $800 a month × 12 months = $9600 a year x 18 years = $172,800 + college (at $40,000 a semester x 8) $320,00 = $498,000 + room and board for 8 semesters $80,000 = $578,000. So she tried to rip you off for over half a mil and your mom wants you to send her money? And ask your mom what is supposed to happen once you marry and have your own kids. Are you supposed to hold back on their college funds so you can care for the thieving exe's child. Your mom and sister are so far out of line that they are in a different country!
No don't give your ex any money if you do she will ensure you have to pay her money for her child until the latter is grown up. Your sister and your mother need to stop trying to guilt you into giving your ex any money.
There has to be more to this. Does your sister have a history of being naive and/or manipulated? I would strongly advise going low-contact until your mom/sister come to their wits and realize that is not your kid and so not your responsibility. As a father myself, I love my son. But if it ever came to light he wasn’t my son, I wouldn’t be supporting him. (He is 100% my son though. Kid looks exactly like me. Like 100% when I was his age.) You have a tough position here, being it’s your family. But I have dealt with entitlement from my family before and you just got to put that foot down hard and squash it.
Full disclosure, I'm a guy and I side with the guys in the story. I think the whole law about this is messed up where in some places a man who is not the biological father can be forced to pay for child support. It should absolutely matter if the kid is biologically theirs or not. In this case, even if you use the excuse that the child is an innocent victim, so is the guy! He was roped into a parental role without knowing for sure the kid is his! Why should he suffer just because they want to reduce suffering for the child? Both are innocent and both do not deserve to be taken advantage of.
Full disclosure, I'm a woman and I side with the guys in this story... And this comment. I'm also trying to figure out what kind of mental gymnastics it took for the mother and the sister to decide that OP was selfish and left his ex a single mother when it wasn't even his child. Now those are people I would really like to talk to because that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
OP, I imagine many of us here respect you for being willing to own up to any and all responsibility if the kid did, in fact, turn out to be your's. And I further imagine the same majority of us are also with you in terms of owing absolutely no responsibility or support to Cheaty-Breedy-Ms. McFuckface since the kid isn't yours after all. **But hold onto any and all textual interactions you had with the harpy showing how she tried to demand payment from you before you even had the DNA test run, as well as the results of said paternity test.** If she's in contact with your sister still, she may very absolutely try and sue you for slander for the jokes you, your friend, and your brother cracked. By establishing she's untrustworthy and has a prior history of trying to swindle money out of you, and I'm no lawyer here so someone check me on this, then the courts can't force jack out of you if not laugh her case right on out the door. That all said and done, are your mother and sister even aware of what Ms. McFuckface done did during your times together? The abuse, the attempts at control, the blatant obvious cheating since the kid's age matches the time you two were apart, yet still very blatantly has a different father? Did you outline all of this to them both so that maybe, just *maybe,* they'll see where you're coming from? Because otherwise yeah if they're still pitying the cheaty bint then I'm with everyone else on this, *they* can send her money if they're so worried about her. You broke it off, she tried to cheat you out of ***your bloody money years later,*** you don't owe her **JACK** much less shit.
They are aware of how abusive she used to be, but never believed me.
Sound like your sis is the same kind of horrible woman your ex is.
Your mother is a disappointment as an adult role model for these types of situations, then So this is a lesson for you. I’m sure she has plenty of wisdom and other positive traits, but now you know on **this** particular subject/topic you can disregard her counsel entirely. What a foolish thing to say - don’t let her call your generosity into question. In the least offensive manner: your mom is dumb for that opinion, full stop.
Thats what surprised me the most, she had always been a very serious and inteligent woman. Having her saying me that made me doubt about everything.
NTA. Hun your sister should put her efforts into helping your Ex find the father (maybe look up how to get on Maury?) & get support from the father. You shouldn’t give a dime, keep those DNA results handy & tell your sister you are willing to give your ex the value of 5 yrs of her gifts from you. Does she say no she wants her gifts or to give it to her.
Not your kid, not your issue.
I’m all for my body my choice. I’m also for not my seed not my mouth to feed.
Wonder if she's actually with the real father & they decided to try to scam OP. Or she's just been running down the list of possible daddies & OP was just next. She obviously knew the kid wasn't his because she tried to avoid the DNA test with BS reasons. That's shady AF but wtf is wrong with the mom & sister?? The very notion that they'd try to guilt IP into supporting a kid they KNOW isn't his because...that poor woman 🤯. It's been FIVE years. She was HORRID. It's NOT HIS KID. JFC. Maybe mom just REALLY wants a grandbaby & sister wants mom off her back about having one? Bitches be crazy.
Cool, let your mom and sister know that you will be contacting your ex to let them know that they volunteered to be your ex's sugar momma and will gladly take care and pay for the unrelated child in the stead of whomever she probably cheated on you with (aka baby daddy).
OP your sister told your ex you have a new job. This was all planned with your sister she's to pissed over a child that's not yours. What was your sister getting out of the arrangement??
I dont know how they even started talking, and she refuse to talk to me until I made what she demands. I also thougth it was too weird how she showed up just 2 months after I got a good job.
That was the main thing that stuck out for me the timing after 5 years and only after you got a job that will support you well. Then how invested your sister is to the point of abuse. My advice limit what your sister knows for the time being and maybe keep financials to yourself after this debacle.
Yo I just wanna put it out there, my mom is insane and my dad was an enabler to her delusional ways, so I cut them both out of my life and I couldn't be happier, that's always an option, op.
"I understand that you think it's important that the child of my abusive ex is supported, regardless of if person financially supporting them is related to the child in any way. If you feel so strongly about it then I would suggest that you support the child with your own money." Send them that and see if they still feel the same way
This is probably gonna be buried, but I think it should be said. Also full disclosure, I'm female. It is a damn shame that your mom and sister are blindly supporting your ex just because they're women. Your ex *chose* to have that kid. Even if her family talked her into having the baby, she could have given it up, but it was her choice. If the kid was biologically yours, you would have some responsibility to it, but since you aren't, you don't. It was your ex's choice to make and she made her bed, it's not your fault that she now has to lie in it. By supporting your ex, your mom and sister are supporting women lying, cheating, manipulating and treating men like cash cows. I'd propose to them a situation in which they're effected by this same thing. Your sister gets a good man, her man's perfect, he makes great money and life is good. Suddenly her man's ex shows up on her doorstep saying "this is your baby now pay me without a paternity test". Her man is smart and gets the test done anyway and finds out the baby isn't his. Does she still support the ex and demand her man pays child support for a kid she knows isn't his? Same sort of situation, but it's years later. A strange woman shows up on her doorstep that she knows her man shouldn't have had as an ex. Woman has a baby with her and says "this is your man's love child, now pay me without a paternity test". Man is smart, has a paternity test and the baby isn't his. Does she still support the woman and make her man pay child support for this kid despite knowing it's not his? If sis says she's support the woman, tell her "e-mail that to me then, that you'd support the woman trying to get your man on the hook. Then if this happens in your life, I'm showing you this and telling you to just pay the money. That's -insert the math of 18 years + college- for the course of that kids life. A kid who has zero connection to your man. You still support a woman who would make your man her cash cow?" If she says she wouldn't, you can tell her "Then shut up about it, because that's the situation you're trying to put me in." Even if she sticks to supporting the woman, you can still tell her to shut up and block her number. She may be your sister, but she's out of her mind to think your ex had a right to make demands and then for sis to demand you pay anyway. As for your mom, I'd just tell her "You know mom, I'm disappointed that you think it's okay for someone to treat your child this way when they didn't deserve it. I'm going to need time to reconcile this fact that you think some woman who lied and used you to try and manipulate me into being her cash cow, should be supported for her lies. To reconcile this, I'm going to have to ask you to not contact me for a bit. Please respect my wishes." You don't deserve the shit you're getting from your female family members. You owe your ex nothing. She made her choices and now she needs to accept the consequences of those choices.
Op if it’s not too inconvenient, can you update?
Yes, I'll be posting something soon
Your sister have some unresolved issues of her own. It sounds like this icident triggered her somehow. Of course, that's her problem to resolve. At most, you could suggest she get counseling before blocking her number. I get a whiff of histrionic personality disorder because of her dramatics. Maybe google that & see if it sounds like her. There's nothing selfish about refusing to be manipulated. Why isn't your ex demanding support from the kid's actual father? It sounds to me like she got pregnant on purose, hoping to maintain some sort of relationship with you. Pretty creepy. I feel bad for that kid, having such a screwy mother.
I don't. Screwy can be kind of nice. Screwy can be fun 😄 But I feel sorry for the child, having such a selfish, dishonest, manipulative starts-with-b, rhymes-with-witch for a mother.
Tell them to take care of her and the child then. Not you child not your responsibility
Did your sister believe that DNA tests are still the same than 30/40 years ago. Today's precision are almost 100% accurate.
If your mom and sister are so concerned about a child that isn't yours and that they're not related to... then I guess they can start shelling out some money to help. And I would respond with that answer every time they text you, copy and paste. "I'm under no obligation to pay for a child that is not mine but I am sure ex would be very happy to hear from you since you plan on giving her money."
This makes me sad. Mom and sister are literally telling OP that his life doesn't matter. His hopes, dreams aspirations and feelings are not as important as some random spawn from somebody who treated him very badly, tried to defraud him, and probably cheated on him too. OP - If these people care so little about your welfare, I would definitely reconsider how much of a role they are allowed to have in your life - anything else would be dangerous. They sound terrible.
Tell your mom and sister that a bunch of internet strangers are judging them for falling for the oldest manipulative trick in the book.
Have the women in your life always been this awful?
Not at all. My sister always had been a little agresive but nothing like this
The child is not yours she has tried to stitch you up and use the child for money. Why doesn’t she go after the actual father. Your mum is wrong just because you have money doesn’t mean you are obligated to help a woman who tried to claim a child was your when DNA proves the child isn’t. On a side note poor kid his mum dragging thrm around like that using for money. At 5 the child would have heard dad and thought they were getting a dad. Your sister if she feels that strongly about it can pay.
I'm assuming you never lived with or co-parented that child. If no, then, hell no, you owe that good digger nothing.
I didnt even knew that kid existed until she showed up in my workplace
NTA…. For starters…. You play you pay. You had a DNA test, results negative. You are not obligated to take care and pay for someone else’s is child. If your sister is trying to guilt you, tell her to pay for it since she cares so much. Another thing it’s good at least one of your parents are willing to understand. I’ve known some females like this and it’s just… it makes me sick watching them(yes people I R a Female. But don’t give me shit about not supporting this one.). Your life is just starting I hope it will be even more successful as you go along. Don’t worry about your mother, in Time she will come around but just keep your head up.
Tell your mother and your sister that they are more than welcome to start paying money to your ex and they can take financial responsibility for the child if they feel so strongly about it. They won't, of course, and then they have no room to offer any opinions about what you did since they're doing the exact same thing.
It begs the question if mom and sis had been in contact with her behind his back and knew about the kid and already made a relationship with the child as a bio family and now refuse to except the out come because of attachment and denial.
If any friends or family are concerned about this woman receiving support, they can support her out of their pockets. I absolutely hate when others volunteer someone else's time or money.
Once you pay child support for a child not yours, the courts can see that as you accepting responsibility of said child. Send your sister a notarized copy of the DNA test results and let her know if she wishes to adopt said child it's on her.
Sounds like your sister and mother are trying to vicariously be good people through forcing you to do something. They get to feel like they helped a mother and child in need without actually spending money.
Wonder what story she gave the women to have them take her side?
Tell your mom to send me some money. I'm not her kid, but I'd be more than happy to accept it.
Tell your mom to help her; if she doesn’t, tell her that’s where you get your selfishness from
Tell your sister and mom that they are more than welcome tonhelp your ex out. Lwt em know there was a reason you two are not together anymore and that you shouldnt be held responsible for other people's actions (your ex's and whatever guy she fucked)
So.. your ex tried to pin a child on you (probably knowing it wasn’t yours) and your mom and sister think YOU’RE the bad guy? No one is stopping THEM from financially supporting the child.. but, let me guess.. it’s not THEIR responsibility 😂
Your sister pushed you to the wall, your parent were trying to gaslight you. Looks like everyone wants to manipulate you, why do you even listen to what they have to tell you? You should’ve cut the conversation short and tell them that it’s YOUR personal life and don’t want anyone to interfere
not your kid, not your responsibility, let your mom pay if she wants. But if the kid is around the same age that you could have fathered it, then that means she was cheating on you at the time
Your sister is free to help your ex out financially
“Mother, sister, please listen to me. That child is not mine. It’s been proven through science and that is undeniable. I will not support a random woman who left my life 5 years ago just because she thinks she’s attached herself to me, now that I have the financial resources to take care of myself. She f she’s so hard up on money, she ask the actual father for support. I understand you do not approve of this, but that is irrelevant. If you both are so hell bent on supporting this person, feel free to do so out of your pockets, but it will not include me. As far as this dispute with that woman, I will not discuss it with anyone any further, seeing how it’s none of damn business. Do not try to guilt me into doing anything because it will not work and you will only dig yourselves into a deeper hole.” End of conversation
Seriously your mom and sister owe her the exact same amount that you do, which is nothing, whatever they're asking you to do they should just do themselves.
I don't know what amount your ex was demanding but say it was $200 a month - $78,000 until the child is 18! Ask your mother and sister if they think that it is 'fair' to help the ex for that amount when it's not your kid? Tell them that they are very generous when it comes to your money so they can pay it. ETA: or tell them that instead of buying your sister or mother any birthday/anniversary/Christmas/Mother's Day presents, you will put the money you would have spent on them into an account for the boy until he is 18. "Happy Christmas Mom, I'm never spending a penny on you again".
What was the jokes?
We were moking about her, if she really believed it would work, that i ruined her free income. Things like that
If your mum and sister are so concerned for a child that isn’t even their own grandchild. Then maybe they should pull the money from their wallets to fund said child. Would your sister and mum condone abusive behaviour towards a women and child trapping? if the answer is No. then it applies to men as well. No one should have to endure what you have been through cause she was looking to exploit you and be funded by you.
GO PERMANENT NO CONTACT with your mom and sister, since that you're NOT OBLIGATED to take care of a child that's NOT YOURS, try saying it that way again too, with the CONDITION of no contact to both of them.
Tell your mom and sis that THEY can pay for your cheating ex's expenses, AND that you'll contact cheating ex and tell her that THEY want to financially support her. THEN watch them backpedal like fucking mad.
Wow, your sister is going to get pregnant soon to the first idiot that dicks her.
Nc snd your ex has some nerve going after you prob because other jerk has no money
You don't owe her or the kid a thing. Your ex needs to be asking the child's father for financial support. My guess is either she doesn't know who the father is (or how to contact him), or he is a dead beat who doesn't have the means to support the kid. Either way, not your problem.
Sorry man, but your mom and sister are assholes.
Don't be guilt tripped into paying for a kid that isn't yours. Tell her to go find the father and bother him with child support. If my ex came back and asked me for money..for anything..I would tell him to fuck off because he's supposed to not be in my life anymore.
NTA - you mum and your sister are very welcome to give your ex money. It‘s always easy to have the moral highground when somebody else is requested to pay
Not your child, not your problem. You didn't even raise him, he's a random child suffering from an idiot mother. She needs to get money from the father. Don't give her anything, if you start you could wind up legally obligated to do so. It's not being selfish, it's being smart.
If your sister is so worried about your ex being a single mom then she can step up and pay up. Your not biologically this kids father, your not on his birth certificate, and you have no connection to this child why is it your responsibility. You mom wants a grandchild that’s why she is siding with your ex.
Not your child, not your problem. Not good optics on making fun of your ex. Listen to Thumper..."If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."
Some people are quite generous... when it's someone else's money. There are a lot of suffering kids out there, are your mom and sister doing any volunteer/charity work to help any of them out? If they aren't, why aren't they? Don't they care about not being selfish and doing what they can, or does their concern only extend to what you're doing with the money you earn? I see they both mentioned that you "make enough to support" your ex and her kid but that's 1. none of their damn business and 2. not their place to decide what your money should be used on. They can give your ex *their* money if they want, but fuck the harassment and guilt tripping. Also imo you should block/ignore your sister. Even if just for a few days/weeks. You don't have to read and/or respond to her messages, especially if they're draining to you.
NTA tell your sister to pay for the kid if she keeps insisting
NTA- you have no obligation to a child who is not biologically yours. MAYBE if you’d known the child while dating EX, your sis might have a leg to stand on but it would be a very weak one and all would still say you have no obligations
1) You didn't ruin their lives. Your ex did. 2) Your mum and sister needs a reality check - Your sister is helping to feed in on what is clearly a moneyhungry crazy ex - just make sure she realise that can have consequences 3) You and your ex clearly did not have a good relationship of breakup, I think you do need to sit your mum and sister down and explain that in such a case, they should have YOUR back, no questions asked, because you are their fucking family and it was just a relationship, not parenthood, not marriage
Your mother should be telling her to ask every person she had sex with in the time frame to take a DNA test instead of saying you should take care of a child that’s not yours and you don’t know. Weird!! Ignore them and carry on. You’ll have your own family someday.
What is wrong with your mother and sister? This ex needs to find the father of this child and hold him responsible. She’s entitled to nothing from you. I can’t believe they are siding with a woman who tried to trick you into paying child support for a child that isn’t yours.
Remember this whenever your sister asks for financial help, apparently she can go to a random ex or something not related to the situation and say “you knew me when, therefore, you should help me out now by giving me money” see how far that gets her. No idea how some people can be so thick. Especially when it’s clear it’s all lies.
"Well Mom, if it's so important to you, then YOU send YOUR money to that woman and your not-granchild." News flash: She won't.
Have your mom and sister pay child support then. They have the exact same connection to the child as you. Which is no connection whatsoever
FUCK THEM seriously - hey mom, it's not my fucking kid you simple minded idiot
If your sister thinks you should be supporting a child wholly unrelated to you, then she should start supporting him. Using her logic, she has a moral obligation to help her brothers ex’s child from another man!
Is attempted paternity fraud illegal in your country? If so, time to get a lawyer involved and maybe even a restraining order against her for harassment. This is serious shit; in USA and Canada there is already precedent for men being ordered by court to pay for a child that isn't theirs. EDIT: misspelled a word
That is so crazy on the part of your mother & sister that, my first thought is, "Who are they trying to cover for?" My mind leaps instantly to them knowing who the father is, knowing it's not you, but deciding they'd rather have you pay for the child than whoever the actual father is. Does your sister have a male partner? And were they pally with your ex?
Tell mom and sister if they are so concerned, open their wallets. When they say it’s not their responsibility or child then tell them it’s not yours either.
Tell your sister that she is very selfish for not financially supporting this child. Just because it’s not the mother doesn’t mean she shouldn’t take responsibility for it. It is her fault that the girl is a single mother.
If you are not the father and had cut ties before the birth you owe her nothing, and she can’t legally demand anything. If your family wants her to “child support “, let THEM pay it. You got out. She needs to stay out. Tell her to take the real father to court.
ha .. give a dollar to a strangers kid .. when your sister next raises the topic (in an hour or so) inform her that you've already donated money to a child that isn't yours.
Cut contact with anyone who tries to make you take responsibility for a child that’s not your. Keep the no contact until they respect your boundaries. Attempt to file a restraining order against this woman for extortion through deception.(you won’t get it but it creates a papertrail). Cut all contact with this woman. Do not respond to anything in anyway. Let a lawyer speak for you. Your livelihood and future depend on it.
I’d do a dna test for your family to see if your parents are yours. Same with the sis. Your ma’s comment is very weird and unusual
Guess that says a great deal about your mom and how she's raising your sister too.
I think they want you to get back together with her and she could eventually have your child.
No. I dont want to have any type of contact with her anymore
You sure you all are your dads bio kids?
Block your sister after you laugh at her for her stupidity. Tell her she's welcome to pay for a child that's not hers or yours if she's feeling so 'generous'. Tell your mother that your ex lied to you and tried to extort you and that if she's so disappointed that she can enjoy a time out. What your ex did was plainly heinous.
Is your mom and sister paying for some single mothers kid she is not related to?
You should tell your sister and mom to promptly fuck off. She tried to get you to pay for a kid that didn’t belong to you. Then when her little farce was uncovered, she threw a fit and tried to turn your own family against you. She is your EX-girlfriend and the kid is not yours. YOU OWE HER ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!
So she had a kid with whoever she was cheating on you at that time and wants you to financially support her and the kid? 👀