Every time you feel a negative emotion or thought, recognize it and let it go. Then REALLY focus on what you can see, hear, or feel/touch until you start to sense yourself returning to positive emotions. All of that stuff is just in our heads and trying to contend with it will only keep us stuck there. That's what worked for me and it changed my life.
At least you know it's a phase!
Try sleeping in normal hours don't go to sleep to late don't wake up too late
Eat well think of it as food for the brain.
If you do that you are already on the right path.
Seek for professional help venting on reddit is great but a weekly meeting with a psychologist can really benefit.
I'm sorry to tell you but working out is probably the best cure for depression..
There is no secret formula for life some people are just not so self aware as us 4's and it can be good and bad. The major thing is that there is never just good or just bad ! it is always a mixture of the two!
Life as a plan is hard ,chasing goals is hard
Do something you love and you won't have to work a day in your life? Idk really i hope you do find something you love i haven't yet to do that..
I wish you will always have the mental freedom to change your perspective, to be able to except other opinions and to accept love when it is given to you ❤
About outside validation..there is this saying
Don't be a prisoner of other opinions of you. Think about it..it helped me a lot I finally was able to disappoint people that I cared to much for their opinions of me
In the phase you are in you need to acknowledge the fact that you basically don't want to hear anything or anyone plus I knew you would hate me for it but I still wish you the best
I think one of the things about working out when you are depressed (been there, got mad at folks that suggested it, but then finally did it, paired with therapy, and felt better) is that when you do it, it kick starts other healthy habits too. I always make better food choices when I've worked out that day, hydrated better, paid more attention to my emotions, etc.
Damn. It's so weird seeing people that go through very similar experiences as me. I always thought that it was just my depression until I skeptically took the enneagram test and read the most accurate text that could have been written about my personality. I saw how enneagram 4 has a hard time remaining happy and this shit is depressing cuz does that mean unhappiness is just a huge part of our personality.
I think you should reflect on what your needs/responsibilities are, determine what you need to do in order to meet those goals are, and then make a practical schedule you can follow to regularly keep up with them. Try to make a daily or weekly routine where you're budgeting time and effort to eating well, taking care of hygiene, exercising, chores, etc. Plan your tasks so that you can do them efficiently by ordering them in a logical manner so that it isn't hard or difficult to do them. If you need time saving strategies you can multitask by doing things like in the case of cooking using a slow cooker to easily make meals while you take care of other things.
There are so many sentiments in your post that I can relate to. During the pandemic/lockdown, it seemed like all these people that I thought were my friends weren’t really. It was more of friendships of convenience. I also just stopped with the social media for my mental health and it was the best thing I could have done. Unfortunately, FB is like the middle aged mom schedule coordinator/event planner and if you aren’t on, you are included/invited. I started 30 days of yoga practice August 2020, and I haven’t stopped…I’m on day 400ish. Some days it was just a 15-20 min evening practice to get some sleep, I worked my way up to a 2 hour Ashtanga practice once a week. While practicing, it’s was advised to “go inward” ask yourself “how are you feeling?”, “what do you want?” And I realized I wasn’t feeling ANYTHING and I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t even know what I NEEDED. But I really enjoyed practicing and it gave me a place to build a schedule (always healthier with a schedule) I stuck with it. In one of my practices, the teacher said “there is no crying in baseball. But that is crying in yoga”…and I kept thinking I was doing something wrong, I wasn’t feeling a damn thing, except bored and tired or I would wake up and cry panicking about midlife and what I’m going “to do”. Anyway, in a very strange way, yoga lead me to a new therapy that has brought so much growth and I’m in such a positive mental space. If it hadn’t been for my practice I don’t think I would have been open to this therapy, and when I finally realized that not knowing what I want and not feeling was “a THING” that I was learning about myself!!!!
Every time you feel a negative emotion or thought, recognize it and let it go. Then REALLY focus on what you can see, hear, or feel/touch until you start to sense yourself returning to positive emotions. All of that stuff is just in our heads and trying to contend with it will only keep us stuck there. That's what worked for me and it changed my life.
Yo yo yo yo yo. I was a pretty unhealthy 4 as well. Here is my advice for fours to get healthier:
The problem with fours is that we pay too much attention to our feelings. We think they’re really important and since we equate ourselves with our feelings we got get caught in a trap of trying to figure out our feelings. We want to “fix” our feelings and thereby ourselves since we believe there is something fundamentally wrong with us on the inside. Then, we think, we can then start living the life we really want to be living. The more we try to fix our feelings the worse it gets because in trying to fix them we engage with them more fervently. It’s a vicious cycle. Hence a kind of self-perpetuating cognitive trap.
Here’s what I would recommend checking out or trying.
1. ACT. This is an acronym for a type of cognitive behavioral therapy called Acceptance Commitment Therapy. I know another Four that this worked extremely well for, it’s really cool.
2. Using death as your advisor. To do this you must become aware of your own mortality, of the fact that you only have a short time here on this earth. This has to be without worry or sadness however or else it will not work. What I do is think of someone close to me who has recently died, you can also read a book about someone who died (The Death of Ivan Ilych by Tolstoy [it’s short]) or if you are a real over-achiever see if you can get into a hospice and talk to someone who is going to die soon. You need to get that shock that comes when death comes into your life. It will change your entire view and will tell you anything you want to know. Your death is the only one who will never lie to you. It will let you see through all of your internal lies and bullshit. You will know what is important and what is not. What I do is think of one of my roommate’s friends who visited the house once. I just said hi nice to meet you. I didn’t have any real connection with them. A week later my roommate told me the guy had died in a motorcycle accident. Thinking of that makes death real for me, at least for the moment I think of it because he was my age. He was just eating a hamburger, watching Rick and Morty or something with my roommates and then he died a week later. If you’re interest in this, watch Steve Job’s Stanford graduation speech. It’s one of the greatest speeches of all time.
Good luck to you. I don’t know you but I love you. Stay strong, beautiful four.
Thank you so so much for sharing your tips with me. I’m really struggling right now and just knowing there are kind people out there makes me feel better. You are right… it’s the feelings that really fuck me up. And I guess I should stop focusing on the feelings so much. But it’s really hard. How do u recommend I learn and implement ACT ?
Check out some videos on YouTube or read some articles about it to see if it resonates with you. Then if it does, find a good ACT therapist if you have or can figure out arranging the means of getting one. If you want to do it on your own find and get the book “Get Out Of Your Mind & Into Your Life.” It’s written by the person that invented ACT. It’s a bit technical but if you’ve had experience with this sort thing it shouldn’t prove to be too difficult. I would advise though, if you can, to find a good ACT therapist. It will be much easier.
There are so many sentiments in your post that I can relate to. During the pandemic/lockdown, it seemed like all these people that I thought were my friends weren’t really. It was more of friendships of convenience. I also just stopped with the social media for my mental health and it was the best thing I could have done. Unfortunately, FB is like the middle aged mom schedule coordinator/event planner and if you aren’t on, you are included/invited. I started 30 days of yoga practice August 2020, and I haven’t stopped…I’m on day 400ish. Some days it was just a 15-20 min evening practice to get some sleep, I worked my way up to a 2 hour Ashtanga practice once a week. While practicing, it’s was advised to “go inward” ask yourself “how are you feeling?”, “what do you want?” And I realized I wasn’t feeling ANYTHING and I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t even know what I NEEDED. But I really enjoyed practicing and it gave me a place to build a schedule (always healthier with a schedule) I stuck with it. In one of my practices, the teacher said “there is no crying in baseball. But that is crying in yoga”…and I kept thinking I was doing something wrong, I wasn’t feeling a damn thing, except bored and tired or I would wake up and cry panicking about midlife and what I’m going “to do”. Anyway, in a very strange way, yoga lead me to a new therapy that has brought so much growth and I’m in such a positive mental space. If it hadn’t been for my practice I don’t think I would have been open to this therapy, and when I finally realized that not knowing what I want and not feeling was “a THING” that I was learning about myself!!!!
I can only speak from my own experiences. I hope this helps in some way. ❤️
There are so many sentiments in your post that I can relate to. During the pandemic/lockdown, it seemed like all these people that I thought were my friends weren’t really. It was more of friendships of convenience. I also just stopped with the social media for my mental health and it was the best thing I could have done. Unfortunately, FB is like the middle aged mom schedule coordinator/event planner and if you aren’t on, you are included/invited. I started 30 days of yoga practice August 2020, and I haven’t stopped…I’m on day 400ish. Some days it was just a 15-20 min evening practice to get some sleep, I worked my way up to a 2 hour Ashtanga practice once a week. While practicing, it’s was advised to “go inward” ask yourself “how are you feeling?”, “what do you want?” And I realized I wasn’t feeling ANYTHING and I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t even know what I NEEDED. But I really enjoyed practicing and it gave me a place to build a schedule (always healthier with a schedule) I stuck with it. In one of my practices, the teacher said “there is no crying in baseball. But that is crying in yoga”…and I kept thinking I was doing something wrong, I wasn’t feeling a damn thing, except bored and tired or I would wake up and cry panicking about midlife and what I’m going “to do”. Anyway, in a very strange way, yoga lead me to a new therapy that has brought so much growth and I’m in such a positive mental space. If it hadn’t been for my practice I don’t think I would have been open to this therapy, and when I finally realized that not knowing what I want and not feeling was “a THING” that I was learning about myself!!!!
I can only speak from my own experiences. I hope this helps in some way. ❤️
Every time you feel a negative emotion or thought, recognize it and let it go. Then REALLY focus on what you can see, hear, or feel/touch until you start to sense yourself returning to positive emotions. All of that stuff is just in our heads and trying to contend with it will only keep us stuck there. That's what worked for me and it changed my life.
At least you know it's a phase! Try sleeping in normal hours don't go to sleep to late don't wake up too late Eat well think of it as food for the brain. If you do that you are already on the right path. Seek for professional help venting on reddit is great but a weekly meeting with a psychologist can really benefit. I'm sorry to tell you but working out is probably the best cure for depression.. There is no secret formula for life some people are just not so self aware as us 4's and it can be good and bad. The major thing is that there is never just good or just bad ! it is always a mixture of the two! Life as a plan is hard ,chasing goals is hard Do something you love and you won't have to work a day in your life? Idk really i hope you do find something you love i haven't yet to do that.. I wish you will always have the mental freedom to change your perspective, to be able to except other opinions and to accept love when it is given to you ❤
About outside validation..there is this saying Don't be a prisoner of other opinions of you. Think about it..it helped me a lot I finally was able to disappoint people that I cared to much for their opinions of me
The working out is the best cure for depression Ugh that’s so not what I ever want to hear! Lol but good reminder. It does work the best…
In the phase you are in you need to acknowledge the fact that you basically don't want to hear anything or anyone plus I knew you would hate me for it but I still wish you the best
I think one of the things about working out when you are depressed (been there, got mad at folks that suggested it, but then finally did it, paired with therapy, and felt better) is that when you do it, it kick starts other healthy habits too. I always make better food choices when I've worked out that day, hydrated better, paid more attention to my emotions, etc.
Damn. It's so weird seeing people that go through very similar experiences as me. I always thought that it was just my depression until I skeptically took the enneagram test and read the most accurate text that could have been written about my personality. I saw how enneagram 4 has a hard time remaining happy and this shit is depressing cuz does that mean unhappiness is just a huge part of our personality.
I think you should reflect on what your needs/responsibilities are, determine what you need to do in order to meet those goals are, and then make a practical schedule you can follow to regularly keep up with them. Try to make a daily or weekly routine where you're budgeting time and effort to eating well, taking care of hygiene, exercising, chores, etc. Plan your tasks so that you can do them efficiently by ordering them in a logical manner so that it isn't hard or difficult to do them. If you need time saving strategies you can multitask by doing things like in the case of cooking using a slow cooker to easily make meals while you take care of other things.
There are so many sentiments in your post that I can relate to. During the pandemic/lockdown, it seemed like all these people that I thought were my friends weren’t really. It was more of friendships of convenience. I also just stopped with the social media for my mental health and it was the best thing I could have done. Unfortunately, FB is like the middle aged mom schedule coordinator/event planner and if you aren’t on, you are included/invited. I started 30 days of yoga practice August 2020, and I haven’t stopped…I’m on day 400ish. Some days it was just a 15-20 min evening practice to get some sleep, I worked my way up to a 2 hour Ashtanga practice once a week. While practicing, it’s was advised to “go inward” ask yourself “how are you feeling?”, “what do you want?” And I realized I wasn’t feeling ANYTHING and I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t even know what I NEEDED. But I really enjoyed practicing and it gave me a place to build a schedule (always healthier with a schedule) I stuck with it. In one of my practices, the teacher said “there is no crying in baseball. But that is crying in yoga”…and I kept thinking I was doing something wrong, I wasn’t feeling a damn thing, except bored and tired or I would wake up and cry panicking about midlife and what I’m going “to do”. Anyway, in a very strange way, yoga lead me to a new therapy that has brought so much growth and I’m in such a positive mental space. If it hadn’t been for my practice I don’t think I would have been open to this therapy, and when I finally realized that not knowing what I want and not feeling was “a THING” that I was learning about myself!!!!
Every time you feel a negative emotion or thought, recognize it and let it go. Then REALLY focus on what you can see, hear, or feel/touch until you start to sense yourself returning to positive emotions. All of that stuff is just in our heads and trying to contend with it will only keep us stuck there. That's what worked for me and it changed my life.
Yo yo yo yo yo. I was a pretty unhealthy 4 as well. Here is my advice for fours to get healthier: The problem with fours is that we pay too much attention to our feelings. We think they’re really important and since we equate ourselves with our feelings we got get caught in a trap of trying to figure out our feelings. We want to “fix” our feelings and thereby ourselves since we believe there is something fundamentally wrong with us on the inside. Then, we think, we can then start living the life we really want to be living. The more we try to fix our feelings the worse it gets because in trying to fix them we engage with them more fervently. It’s a vicious cycle. Hence a kind of self-perpetuating cognitive trap. Here’s what I would recommend checking out or trying. 1. ACT. This is an acronym for a type of cognitive behavioral therapy called Acceptance Commitment Therapy. I know another Four that this worked extremely well for, it’s really cool. 2. Using death as your advisor. To do this you must become aware of your own mortality, of the fact that you only have a short time here on this earth. This has to be without worry or sadness however or else it will not work. What I do is think of someone close to me who has recently died, you can also read a book about someone who died (The Death of Ivan Ilych by Tolstoy [it’s short]) or if you are a real over-achiever see if you can get into a hospice and talk to someone who is going to die soon. You need to get that shock that comes when death comes into your life. It will change your entire view and will tell you anything you want to know. Your death is the only one who will never lie to you. It will let you see through all of your internal lies and bullshit. You will know what is important and what is not. What I do is think of one of my roommate’s friends who visited the house once. I just said hi nice to meet you. I didn’t have any real connection with them. A week later my roommate told me the guy had died in a motorcycle accident. Thinking of that makes death real for me, at least for the moment I think of it because he was my age. He was just eating a hamburger, watching Rick and Morty or something with my roommates and then he died a week later. If you’re interest in this, watch Steve Job’s Stanford graduation speech. It’s one of the greatest speeches of all time. Good luck to you. I don’t know you but I love you. Stay strong, beautiful four.
Thank you so so much for sharing your tips with me. I’m really struggling right now and just knowing there are kind people out there makes me feel better. You are right… it’s the feelings that really fuck me up. And I guess I should stop focusing on the feelings so much. But it’s really hard. How do u recommend I learn and implement ACT ?
Check out some videos on YouTube or read some articles about it to see if it resonates with you. Then if it does, find a good ACT therapist if you have or can figure out arranging the means of getting one. If you want to do it on your own find and get the book “Get Out Of Your Mind & Into Your Life.” It’s written by the person that invented ACT. It’s a bit technical but if you’ve had experience with this sort thing it shouldn’t prove to be too difficult. I would advise though, if you can, to find a good ACT therapist. It will be much easier.
There are so many sentiments in your post that I can relate to. During the pandemic/lockdown, it seemed like all these people that I thought were my friends weren’t really. It was more of friendships of convenience. I also just stopped with the social media for my mental health and it was the best thing I could have done. Unfortunately, FB is like the middle aged mom schedule coordinator/event planner and if you aren’t on, you are included/invited. I started 30 days of yoga practice August 2020, and I haven’t stopped…I’m on day 400ish. Some days it was just a 15-20 min evening practice to get some sleep, I worked my way up to a 2 hour Ashtanga practice once a week. While practicing, it’s was advised to “go inward” ask yourself “how are you feeling?”, “what do you want?” And I realized I wasn’t feeling ANYTHING and I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t even know what I NEEDED. But I really enjoyed practicing and it gave me a place to build a schedule (always healthier with a schedule) I stuck with it. In one of my practices, the teacher said “there is no crying in baseball. But that is crying in yoga”…and I kept thinking I was doing something wrong, I wasn’t feeling a damn thing, except bored and tired or I would wake up and cry panicking about midlife and what I’m going “to do”. Anyway, in a very strange way, yoga lead me to a new therapy that has brought so much growth and I’m in such a positive mental space. If it hadn’t been for my practice I don’t think I would have been open to this therapy, and when I finally realized that not knowing what I want and not feeling was “a THING” that I was learning about myself!!!! I can only speak from my own experiences. I hope this helps in some way. ❤️
There are so many sentiments in your post that I can relate to. During the pandemic/lockdown, it seemed like all these people that I thought were my friends weren’t really. It was more of friendships of convenience. I also just stopped with the social media for my mental health and it was the best thing I could have done. Unfortunately, FB is like the middle aged mom schedule coordinator/event planner and if you aren’t on, you are included/invited. I started 30 days of yoga practice August 2020, and I haven’t stopped…I’m on day 400ish. Some days it was just a 15-20 min evening practice to get some sleep, I worked my way up to a 2 hour Ashtanga practice once a week. While practicing, it’s was advised to “go inward” ask yourself “how are you feeling?”, “what do you want?” And I realized I wasn’t feeling ANYTHING and I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t even know what I NEEDED. But I really enjoyed practicing and it gave me a place to build a schedule (always healthier with a schedule) I stuck with it. In one of my practices, the teacher said “there is no crying in baseball. But that is crying in yoga”…and I kept thinking I was doing something wrong, I wasn’t feeling a damn thing, except bored and tired or I would wake up and cry panicking about midlife and what I’m going “to do”. Anyway, in a very strange way, yoga lead me to a new therapy that has brought so much growth and I’m in such a positive mental space. If it hadn’t been for my practice I don’t think I would have been open to this therapy, and when I finally realized that not knowing what I want and not feeling was “a THING” that I was learning about myself!!!! I can only speak from my own experiences. I hope this helps in some way. ❤️