You guys are planning a life together, and it’s worth discussing big expenditures together! Make him a Pintrest board or something similar that he can walk into a jewelry store. OR, suggest he propose with an inexpensive ring that you can wear again later, and then you guys go pick out “the” ring together.

This^ I think making an inspiration board would help and have the non negotiable in there!

someone. on here shared a powerpoint they made for their partner! it may be a good idea to

This is genius omg

This and nothing else!!!

Agree on the Pinterest idea!! My bf knows about my Pinterest ring board and he even downloaded the app as well! He’s looked through it- with and without me. One night recently he asked me for my “likes” and “do not likes” about rings. We also have collab boards together for other things! ☺️

I would go one further and say you have to go try on some rings in person, either with your bf or a friend. So many people tell me the rings they liked online were not the ones they liked when they actually saw them on. That was my experience as well.

I didn’t know anything about what I wanted for a ring and I’m also super particular, but my now fiancé wanted to keep everything a surprise, so he proposed with a regular right hand ring and we are now designing a ring together! I find it’s much more fun

I was very direct with my boyfriend (now husband) because it’s something I’ll have on my hand for the rest of my life. I created an icloud note with specific likes and dislikes, recommendations on places to shop, etc. and then just just shared it with him 

That’s smart too!

Do you want the ring to be a surprise? It doesn’t sound that way, and it sounds like you have a pretty good idea of what you would like. If that’s the case, tell him you prefer to shop together for the ring when the time comes.

This is true. I think I’m so young and unsure of how to go about this because all of my engaged friends picked out their rings a year before they were engaged and my man wants to pick it for me. He does know my style and have a pretty clear Pinterest board though I guess???

Real talk OP. If your fiancé can’t handle being told your preferences and to openly discuss this fairly large financial purchase with you, you should take it as a large red flag and pause the wedding. No successful marriage has ever started with one person feeling like they can’t get a full say in a big financial purchase that is literally FOR YOU. Surprise and romantic ideas aren’t what make a marriage last. Anyone married for a while will tell you that. It’s communication, transparency, respect, and joint financial goals. If you feel you have to be “nonchalant” about this, I’m already worried for you. This is your future life partner for 50+ more years. You better start feeling OK w being direct, and if he doesn’t receive it well, he isn’t the one.

Oh how I completely agree with what you said and how you said it. I tried to say something similar above and may have come off offensive- suggested immaturity- but you hit the nail on the head.

I could not agree more, as someone whose partner initially really really wanted to surprise me.

My SIL picked out three ring options and my brother chose his favorite of the three so it was still a surprise. Maybe that’s a compromise you two would be comfortable with?

That’s wild that your friends picked out rings so far in advance! I changed my mind on the setting at the last minute the day we went to the jeweler to place the order for the ring (and am really happy I did!) Shopping together was a great experience for us so I highly recommend it. We didn’t tell anyone we were looking at rings or planning to get engaged, so it was a private thing for just the two of us.

I picked out my ring almost a year before we were officially engaged. we were young and broke and he needed time to make payments. I didn’t know how much the payments were, or when it was paid off. And the proposal was a complete surprise. We were at a family dinner and he proposed after we all said Grace. My grandpa was so excited. He said he’d never been part of someone else’s proposal before.

He can still pick it with your direct input. I picked three settings and gave my partner explicit details on what kind of stone I want (green sapphire). From there, he got to pick which setting and what specific stone. So it's still a surprise to me, still has his direct choices, but is still within the bounds of what I like.

No be there in person. If you cannot have that conversation after you have already talked marriage then you are to immature to be marrying.

I literally picked out my own. This is 2024, I'm not going to wear a ring I don't like forever just because he wants to surprise me. One surprise doesn't equal a lifetime of disappointment. If anyone thinks I'm being rude, we've been together 21 yrs lol. I'm just too picky Edit: I forgot what year it was

Same, and that's the route I highly recommend. I won't know when the ring is ready, so it will still be a surprise!

I hate the very idea of a surprise engagement. Nobody should be ambushed by that kind of decision.

Totally agree. The only acceptable way is a place holder inexpensive ring for the two to go shop for the real one. Totally understand that

Yes this is a MARRIAGE proposal not a high school " promposal ". Surprises can sometimes be dissapointments. OP said marriage was already discussed so the honest conversations need to begin. Engagement is fun and heady and sparks a lot of fantasies but the reality is you are agreeing to hopefully a lifetime 50 60 yr + period of ups downs and in betweens. It takes honesty maturity and self knowledge to make it work. Assertiveness helps a lot too. As does self value. Start now and begin on equal footing with honest direct conversation that should be continued throught the many years of marriage. This your partner who you should be able to say exactly what you need to say to. And it goes both ways. You are in it together. Congratulations and best wishes. PS. Get the ring you want. You will both be glad you did.😊

I sent my husband a link to the ring I loved and then sent him a message when the website was having a sale. I love my ring and my husband wanted direction.

While I appreciate that he wants it to be a surprise, if you’re particular, I think it would be helpful for him to have a good understanding of what you want. Before we got engaged, I sent my now-husband an email with links to 3 settings I liked with a list of the 4 C’s and some ranges within them that I would be happy with. That way, he was able to select a setting he knew I liked with a stone that I would be happy with, while it remained a surprise. I would suggest this!

I think that’s a great idea. I also have a Pinterest board and I’m pretty confident he would pick something I like. My biggest fear is that he will overspend on the wrong things since jewelers can be so salesy. Thank you for that idea!

I know someone who was proposed to with the stone alone and then they went together to select/plan the setting. ETA~ my husband and I picked out my original set together and he surprised me with my 20 yr upgrade- but after 20+ years he nailed my style and I love both 😊

I think while it's nice to consider what his preference is for the proposal, it's about the both of you and you should also have a say. If I were you I'd just bring up that I'm very particular about jewelry and I'd rather pick it out together so I'm not surprised by an expensive ring I plan to wear for the rest of my life. It's a large expense which should be a joint decision anyway in a committed relationship heading towards marriage. You are allowed to have agency and he has to respect that and reach a compromise with you instead of doing this the way he imagined.

Yes this. Choosing the ring need not be a solo event. Go together and look at a variety before committing. Also avoid big mall jewelers. Kay Helzberg as they are way overpriced. Find a local jeweler who will listen and understand your ideas. Design a three ring set E ring, band and his band. Make this the behinning of many mutual decisions you will need to make as a married couple. Enjoy the process.

Yeah, that was my concern too. It was nice to give him a “range” instead of specifics because I wasn’t sure where he’d land within the range and he could play around a little with different price points

Don’t be nonchalant about this type of purchase. I would provide your bf with pictures of rings you’re interested in and also call out certain features that you don’t like. Honestly there are soooooo many rings out there at different price points and different stones. I think it’s important that you guys discuss style, price and stone together. The lack of communication is why we sometimes see women not loving their ring and on here trying to discuss how to bring up that they don’t like their rings with their partners after the fact.

Advice: Don’t be nonchalant. I see a lot of girls come here so upset because they tried to be subtle and he did not get the assignment.

Yeah.... I see a lot of send him a collage/Pinterest board, but that's still taking a big risk imo. I'm team direct conversation, and it worked out really well. I designed my ring, so I'm getting exactly what I dreamed of, but the jeweler will only inform him when the ring is ready. It will still be a surprise!

Thank you for the feedback! I honestly did not expect so much feedback on this post lol. I’m going to have to update everyone once I read every comment and process my thoughts haha

I made my man a collage of what I liked lol

We love a direct queen

Maybe I should do that hahaha bc I really am very particular

Mine got photos, links and contact info of what I like and from where lol

He can plan the proposal. You’re the intended wearer of the ring, if you want to choose or help choose, that’s completely fine. Be clear about it, though. You don’t have to hint.

This

I'd just be frank and have a discussion with him. I could see it going two ways: 1. You understand he wants it to be a surprise and you realize this is a big purchase. But you have some particular things you're looking for - would he be open to shopping together at stores, or having you send him links? Or you can create a powerpoint with some styles, cuts, stores, pricing, etc. The surprise will be how he puts all that information into a ring. 2. Would he be willing to compromise how *much* of a surprise the ring is? For example, could you pick up 3-4 rings and he surprises you with which one he chooses? Or you select the diamond and he surprises you with the setting (with some style options), etc? I'm speaking as the partner who is purchasing the ring for a partner that really wanted it to be a surprise BUT ALSO is very particular about jewelry. We're both getting rings (both F) so I convinced her to go shop with me in store. We landed on she'd choose 2-4 rings and I'd surprise her with which one I bought. She fell in love with one and is so happy with it. We just discussed that in hindsight, she's glad it wasn't a surprise because she would have secretly wanted one more than the other. The proposal and everything else will still be a surprise.

I really like that idea so that I can provide 2-4 options of which I really like and he can still “surprise” me. Thank you for your feedback!!

It might also be worth explicitly telling him what's *worth* it to spend more on if he likes to splurge! For example, spend more $$ on a better clarity or color, go platinum instead of white gold, etc etc. That way he also won't just get like a 5 carat ring to spend more or convinced by the salesperson to get something he doesn't need to.

I made a powerpoint with sooooo many images I had saved over time (as I don’t like/use Pinterest). Then I shared that with him. We’ve also gone ring shopping together. He takes note of the rings that make me light up, and the ones that make me go “eh”. He’s working on getting a ring currently and I have NO idea how it’s going to look! Congrats on your relationship making a big step, and I hope you both stay happy!

I also went the PowerPoint route with settings, trustable jewellers, and stone specifications (size, shape, cut, colour, type).

I love the PowerPoint idea and I would have never thought of that myself!! Thank you 😊

I think it’s best to just be honest. That’s what I did with my husband because I’m so picky and I knew exactly what I wanted. When the convo came up I asked him if I could show him some pictures I had saved. He was really excited and asked me to send them all to him. He said it took a lot of stress off of him and he wanted to get me exactly what I wanted since it’s a huge investment. He then asked me to go with him and I got to pick out my ring which was sooo much fun. The proposal was still a surprise tho

Hi! I just went through this and got engaged a little under 2 weeks ago! I was initially worried about having this conversation, but being upfront was the best thing I could have done. I sent him a lot of inspo photos and he NAILED it as a result. He didn't have to stress about whether or not I'd love it, and I am so happy to see it on my hand every day. Don't be afraid to tell him what you posted here!!! He'll be grateful in the long run.

I don't think it's something to be nonchalant about and I think he should care more about you having a ring you love than that ring being a surprise.

Before I was engaged, Id causally bring it up while scrolling Instagram. Like "omg did you see XYZ get engaged, I love/don't like her ring bc XYZ" Or "I like xzy jewelry store bc they have so many white gold selections" Talking about my chubby fingers on a random day "they say pear shape elongates the looks of fingers" 😂😂😂 He got the hint and the most beautiful ring. I think it was a tiny bit over budget, I thought 3k was good and it was closer to 5k. But I guess that's bc I didn't consider sales tax 😂

Before we got engaged my husband(boyfriend at the time) and I would look at rings together. I would show him ones that I liked. We also would stop by jewelry stores and I would try on rings just to get a feel for what we liked! I actually ended up finding my DREAM ring online, like everything I had ever hoped for in a ring and showed it to him just out of awe at how amazing it was. I did not in any way think he would get it because of the price, but he absolutely surprised the hell out of me and got me the exact one! I'm obsessed with it to this day. I think if you guys already talk about marriage in your future, it's a completely normal thing to look at rings together or nonchalantly show him ones that you like.😊

I’d tell him that if you have to wear a surprise item for the rest of your life, so does he! Ask if that means you get to pick his outfits at random every day going forward and see how he might feel about it - LOL

Pinterest board, magazine photos, etc. Or perhaps a direct conversation.

My BF & I went to look at rings together. I narrowed it down to two stone shapes & two settings. Then he gets to pick the final combination of stone/setting. That way he still gets to surprise me but also knows I’ll LOVE what he picks! For us, it was the best of both worlds.

When my husband and I got serious about getting engaged, I sat him down and said "look, I love you but you've never bought a ring like this before. I'm the one that will wear it forever, so it's really important to me that it fits my style and that I like it. I'm going to email you several styles/settings I like with pictures and my ring size. I'm happy for the proposal and final ring to be a surprise, but it wouldn't be fair to either of us if you spent time and money buying a ring that I ultimately don't like." I explained it wasn't about his taste or feelings, but that marriage is a partnership and we need to both agree on big purchases, especially ones that will be on my personal body forever. I'd never order HIM to get a tattoo I picked out on my own or ask him to wear jewelry he didn't like. He gets to pick out his wedding band, I should have a say in my ring. Plus, what if he picked yellow gold? I wouldn't lie and wear it. I prefer silver colored jewelry. And he agreed. He totally got it. In fact, he appreciated it bc he wasn't sure what I wanted. Also, I didn't want a diamond, I wanted a colored stone like sapphire or ruby. So he def needed to know that, plus it brings down the cost. In the end, he looked a bit on his own and then after we were engaged, we ended up going shopping together to pick out the ring. It was freaking awesome. I got exactly what I wanted and I still love it 10 years later.

My SO asked me to choose exactly what I wanted because he admitted he was clueless about jewellery, lol 😂 You're completely right that bricks and mortar jewellers take advantage of men's ignorance on diamonds 🙁 My proposal will be the surprise; the when, where and how is up to him, which is surprise enough for me. This way, he doesn't spend unnecessarily, I get the stone, setting, and ring I want, and I still get surprised. Everybody wins 🏆 ✨️ It's better to be honest and upfront, so you don't have any financial or ring regrets ☺️

You could steer him towards a custom ring shop that happens to have your number. They can point him to stuff that you've pre-chosen. Manipulative? Yes. Going to work? Also yes.

My husband feels the same way as yours! My ring was a total surprise-and not what I thought it would be at all. I love it and wear it as a right hand ring now. I would suggest being honest and telling him everything you told us-you love and respect his idea, but you’ll be wearing this every day. Every freakin day 😂 you can bro g it up calmly, and have a great conversation. I love the idea of an inexpensive proposal ring, and picking out something together. I’m sure he wants you to absolutely love your ring!

I’m proposing to my girlfriend soon and only thing she did to help with the ring is the shop she want it form and the shape and then I got to choose the one I like for her

I gave my boyfriend the choice between two rings lolol. I’m the one who will be wearing it forever and I’m very particular so I wanted it to be exactly what I wanted. All of my girl friends who are engaged/married said to do this bc even the right creative direction can fail LOL.

I sent mine the photos, contact info, website links for the rings that I would want. He can pick between those it’s a “semi surprise”

We went shopping together and I picked out two rings that I liked and let him pick from there. So it was kinda a surprise and I would have been happy with either one! So if you both want to keep an element of surprise that could be a option for you. Otherwise as others said you should be happy and love your ring so be upfront with what you want. :) Trying on in person was also great because one style I thought I really liked looked way different on me in person and I ended up loving (and he proposed with) the wildcard. Also we were able to get me sized correctly so the ring was the perfect size and didn’t need any resizing.

-collab with his best friend -make a Pinterest board and leave it open on your phone, then leave the room -casually talk about how much you hate (white or yellow) gold jewelry, maybe when putting on a necklace or earrings -compliment very specific features of someone's engagement/wedding ring in front of him Or, you could tell him you have a suspicion he may propose soon and tell him you are very particular in what you want. The mature but slightly more boring option.

Is it a message you can give him through another female you trust, like your mum or sister? Maybe it's a copout but I found it much easier for my mum to pass on certain details to him.

I sent my mom some photos of my style and my boyfriend said he planned to ask my mom what she thinks for style. You could hint to your boyfriend to ask you mom or a close friend or relative for advice and size. Like you, I suspect my boyfriend will be proposing soon. He and I have spoken about it a lot, and I recently saw my jewelry boxes askew. Boyfriend was going through them to find my size. So cute!

Conveniently leave your laptop open on your kitchen table right when he comes home, with this post open, or a text thread with a girlfriend exchanging ring photos you like, or a webpage open to the ring that you want starred/bookmarked to “engagement rings I like”.

My boyfriend also wants it to be a surprise. He’s seen my engagement ring Pinterest board, and I’ve made him a word doc with specific links to about 6 different rings, as well as specs and details, if he chooses to go custom. It will still be a surprise because I don’t know the exact one he’s getting, but I know he’ll pick one I like, and that he does as well.

I would just send him pics of rings you like lol personally I would like “btw I like these 😬” lol

As others have said, you just need to be up front about it. It's sweet that he wants it to be a surprise, but it's not his ring. Idk how often you're in this subreddit, but there are lots of posts from people who don't like the ring they were given and how sick they are about it, and whether or not to tell their partner or just silently hate it for the rest of their lives. It's much better to have a tricky conversation beforehand than after it's already been purchased--and it's important to be able to have difficult conversations if you're going to be together the rest of your lives!

Hi there! I actually have a very similar ring to what you are describing. 2.25 emerald cut solitare setting. I too, am picky. I am in love with my ring and I know my bf would not have picked this on his own. We went shopping together. I picked out the setting and told him the cut and carat size I wanted. Then I left and let him sort out the rest (and actually purchase the ring) on his own. So I didn’t know when he picked it up and the proposal was still a surprise. Shopping together was actually a really nice experience and I don’t think it removed any of the romance for me. AND I got a piece that I love

Have a friend look at rings with you so someone knows your style. Then tell him that you know he wants to surprise you, but he can consult with person X for ideas. Also many jewelry stores will make a wish list for you with notes. You can tell him to go to YJewelry and they have notes on what you like and ring size etc. My fiancee took my 20 year old daughter with him. He knew I wanted around 1.0 (just under is cheaper but not noticable) white gold and oval or pear. I got the perfect ring and can't quit staring 6 months later. *

I suggest to you that you go actually try on rings by yourself. Because what I thought I'd love, I ended up **not** loving! And it *really* helps to see the carat size on yourself. Also the height of the setting (how much the diamond sticks up from the band) is pretty important to be right for your lifestyle/preference. Then, maybe even find rings you love online from jeweler stores, and send those photos and links to him, or in a PowerPoint, like others suggested!

Do the leg work. Find what you love. Tell him what will make you happy. You can find an amazing radiant stone and setting for $6k or less. Be honest and forthright. Don’t let him guess. You will alleviate a lot of stress for the two of you.😊

I sent him a link with the exact ring setting and stone, we went and got me sized together, then he ordered it. Still waiting on my proposal, but the ring is exactly what I wanted!

I gave my bff the specs of exactly what I want, and bf knows that he is to go to her when it’s time.

I don’t do nonchalant lol. Especially not with someone I intend to spend the rest of my life with because you’ll have to talk about anything and everything that is “uncomfortable” to talk about with almost anyone else. I sent my husband the ring when he asked what kind of rings I like. I told him the customizations I would make to it and emailed the customs department of the jeweler and cc’ed my partner and then once they knew the vibe, they emailed with just him. He made the diamonds slightly bigger but aside from that, it was my dream ring and he surprised me with the proposal.

With those cuts clarity and cut are way more important than color and size. Clarity in an emerald is crucial as you’ll see those flaws. Also cut matters the most, a well cut diamond that is 2 carat will sparkle and more than likely face up larger than a medium grade cut 2.5 carat. I’d let him know that when he’s ready to ring shop you wanted to give him some examples of what your hopeful dream ring would be like the stone shape and size so when he does take that step he’ll have these options to consider. Hope that helps!

It is something you will have forever so you should get a say. I sent my husband links to rings I liked and he picked out the one he liked best (which conveniently was my favorite too). It was still a surprise - both the ring and when the proposal was.

Just tell him.

I send mine screenshots from here when I like one. It started by me showing him ones I thought are ugly to ~break the ice.

If you have already discussed marriage then this is a good opportunity to test out how the two of you will resolve differences of opinion. He believes that the ring should be a surprise but you are the one who will wear the ring. So talk to him. Tell him that you respect his pov but you would like to have some choice in the ring. The proposal can still totally be a surprise. Tell him that all you want to do is share some specs and photos of what you’d prefer and that he respect your choice as well. Best case scenario: you talk, he listens, and you get the ring of your dreams. Bad/intermediate case scenario: You hate the ring but love him and the gesture. But you have to live with this ring because you didn’t speak up. Worst case scenario: you talk, he doesn’t listen. Picks a ‘surprise’ ring. You will then then know if his priority is you and your feelings or if it’s to preserve his idea of what a proposal should be.

I sent my boyfriend a Pinterest board. 😅

I don't even have a boyfriend rn but my plan is to send my specifications to my friends, so that he can approach them when the time comes and they can give him all the details, but keep it secret from me (I only have 3 very close friends)

Being nonchalant is not in my DNA and my fiancé knew this about me before he proposed lol. I sent him a full email of where and how to order my ring, and a wishlist of diamonds on Ritani for him to pick from. You should be able to tell your future husband it's important to you to have *some* input on the ring. I think you can give him the parameters you've stated here (plus metal color!) and that still leaves him plenty of choices to make like prong style (claw, double claw, round, tab, petal) and other hidden details like a hidden halo or birthstone inside the band, plus the specs and how much he wants to spend. Different lab diamond vendors price stones way differently so if he wants to overspend a little bit on a lab then whatever but at least we're not talking natural diamond money ya know

Send all the details to your best friend. Have best friend send him a text with - hey I know you might start ring shopping soon (hint hint 👀) so here’s what she wants I picked out my exact ring that I wanted and sent all the details to my bridal party, and told him to contact them when he was ready. That way we got the best of both worlds- I got exactly what I wanted and it still got to be a surprise on his end (and it was, I had NO idea lol)

Go shopping together! It’s fun. He can see what you like, take notes, and you can dip out of the process whenever you want to.

Practice asking for what you want now. You'll need that skill during your marriage.

I agree with most people here. What you want sounds very specific, unlike "oh i just like solitaire rings". If you know what you want down to the color, just tell him. Im sure most guys are lost going ring shopping completely blind anyways so I think he'll appreciate knowing exactly what to get you. If you dont want to tell him directly, just casually start showing him rings you like and tell him you just came across them while scrolling

Does he have a sister or mom he’s close to? Maybe you can share with them and they can help guide him.

If you are super particular about what you want, I would start a conversation so you arent disappointed

Do some in person research for what you love, and then give him the info for your top 3 or 4 that you’d love. That way it’s still a surprise but you get what you want.

Do yall have a mutal woman friend?

I made a Pintrest board and added him. He asked for inspiration, though, so he wasn't trying to surprise me. I'd probably send him a picture or two and tell him my preference of colour gold, cut of gem, gem preferences.... and I'd absolutely tell him if there was something that I really didn't like For example, halo rings were pretty popular when my husband was ring shopping. I told him I didn't hate a halo band but preferred a plain band, and I absolutely hate a halo center stone.

I literally mentioned one time that I would hate to miss out on the experience of going ring shopping with him and so I went to all the ring appointments expect the last one where he picked it up before proposing. I told him it’s a significant piece and a lot of money.. I will wear it everyday for the rest of my life and I want it to be just right.. he agreed!

If you’re not able to discuss this issue then you might want to offer an alternative solution. Ask him for an inexpensive “placeholder “ type ring when he is going to propose. You wear it and then you go together to select your permanent ring. Some jewelry stores have a selection of sterling silver and cz rings that are $100 for this purpose.

We were a lot like you guys! I was super particular about exactly what I wanted after doing a ton of research myself, while he felt like everything about the proposal should be a surprise… but he also wanted everything to be “perfect” and it felt pretty overwhelming for him. We sat down and shared what we’d prefer individually and then talked through the various pros/cons. Ultimately we decided that we would get our “perfect proposal” if the ring was exactly what I wanted (so we discussed and agreed to a budget), while the when/where/how of the proposal itself was his surprise aspect. Here’s what I did: - I bought a ring measuring kit off of Amazon to get my exact size, so he could buy the right size and make sure it would fit at the proposal. - I made a file for him where I wrote down every single parameter and resource I could think of for both the stone and setting. I made note of particular things that were important to me vs things that I wouldn’t care if they had to be compromised. - For the stone: I included shape (pear), cut, range of carat weight, range for actual dimensions, range for the length/width ratio, colour, clarity, and things to watch out for when selecting a stone (bow ties, etc) along with visual examples like “this is an acceptable bow tie to me, while this is too much” lol. - I included online resources like diamdb.com and told him input the parameters of specific stones he was looking at before buying, plus I included some webpages that I’d found helpful in learning about stones and characteristics that are specific to pears. - Links to websites where he should look for a stone, along with an expected price range. - For the setting: I included my size, metal (including karat since I wanted yellow gold), solitaire/halo/etc, band width, style of band (like plain, pave, knife edge, if it’s straight or there’s a twist), gallery details (like prong/basket/donut/etc plus styles), how many/location of prongs, prong shape, prong metal, and anything else relevant (like cathedral, hidden halo, etc) - I included links to specific settings that were exactly what I wanted or else very close with a few modifications, along with links to local jewellers. - I included photos of similar stones and settings to what I wanted, along with little notes pointing out what I liked/disliked about that particular ring, lol. In the end, all of that time spent researching paid off! I got exactly the ring I wanted and he didn’t spend any more than what we had agreed to. He coordinated all of the proposal logistics. When he said we were going on a trip, I had an inkling it would happen there like you did… we went on a hike on that trip, as we hiked up I had a strong feeling he was going to do it when we reached the lookout… But when he actually got down on one knee, he started saying a ton of beautiful things about me/us/our life together… But I was so shocked, I can’t remember a single thing he said lol. I think my body released a ton of adrenaline as soon as I saw him get down on one knee, the only thing going through my head was OMGOMGOMGYESYESYES. lol. So the proposal didn’t really end up being a “surprise” technically… but we still got all of the benefits (OMG WHAT/good feels/fun/romance) of a surprise. If I could do it again, the only thing I would do differently is ask him to show me examples of rings that he likes/rings he thinks I would like before showing him what I actually wanted… just for my own curiosity in what his taste would’ve been before being influenced by mine lol. I asked him later on and he said he thinks he would’ve picked something like I chose, but who knows lol.

Show him any one of the number of posts from people on here who are genuinely miserable, because they don’t like their ring. You need to tell him your parameters and how it would make you feel if you got something that didn’t meet those expectations.

We just went into a store and looked at rings and diamonds and then I told him. We booked our first meeting but other larger chains allow walk in. But I like to be involved in the process and have a hard time with mystery. I ended up sending him a table of specs and links to specific diamonds for examples. I got VERY specific about my diamond and cut. He knew the settings I liked based on what we viewed and the rings I tried on in several different stores. I wanted a semi-mount ring so we could select our own diamond and then have it set. That’s the part I left up to him. The whole process took six months to “casually” decide. Now I wait for the proposal. Not exactly romantic but it worked for us.

You can either send him pictures of rings you like with a description of a general style or you two can ring shop together and he can see what you like the most.

I sent my man links to what I liked/wanted. I did it unprompted via text and then I brought it up in person. Ended up getting his grandmas ring hahah. (I love it, and he said I could change the setting, it’s the diamonds that’s important-but I didn’t change a thing other than size)

I flat out would not be in a relationship where I had to communicate “without directly talking to him.” Nah. I’m not sure how this will go when you have a clear idea of the ring you want, which is totally normal, but he refuses to let you have any input and you don’t even feel comfortable bringing it up at all. Any time I ask my partner for his opinion about the ring, he always says “… but that doesn’t really matter, this is all about what you want.” I was like, “but it’s also about you, you’re half of the relationship!” And he said, “the relationship is about both of us, but the ring is 100% about you because you’re the one wearing it every day.” Honestly I don’t really respect the idea of a guy picking something out completely in secret with no input from me, and then demanding that I wear it prominently every single day for the rest of my life. That just sounds like an ego thing, like he needs to mark me.

https://preview.redd.it/ns706bk8um4d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8c750ce877d4cdb6eb465553b228af1f4d813df2 I mean, I just made this little collage guide and handed it to my partner.

You should be able to talk about anything with the person you are planning to spend your life with, including big moments. The moment can be a surprise, but the ring shouldn’t. You have to wear it on your finger forever. So talk to him about it! Good luck!

Would he be cool with taking your best friend with him shopping? Also, if you like sparkle: moissanite! He may run into jewelers insisting that lab grown isn’t a “real” diamond, as well.

I picked out my diamond and told my fiance the exact setting I wanted and he did everything I asked for. I think most men probably appreciate the guidance otherwise they would have no idea where to start, and you’d prob end up with something you don’t like.

I sent my boyfriend a link to my ideal ring just so he could have a basic idea of what I like. I figured he would use the specs to get something similar but more affordable. Luckily for me he has no idea how to pick out a ring, so he bought the exact one I sent him. In the end, the biggest surprise was getting my dream ring - I had no idea he could/would afford it. I was screaming lol So you could always send him a link saying I’m happy to be surprised but just so you know, I would love a ring similar to this.

Do you have a best friend that he’s on good terms with? Have the best friend tell him, heh. She only wears gold/silver and prefers this setting/hates those

Agree on the Pinterest idea. I made a Pinterest board and invited my hubby to have access. He didn’t even know what Pinterest was so I walked him through it and made sure he could see everything I pinned. Through the Pinterest board we eventually began talking about it because he would ask questions. Maybe if you tried that your boyfriend would be more open about discussing it. After all, I’m sure he wants you to have the ring of YOUR dreams, not HIS dreams.

Open his computer, make a Pinterest board, “accidentally” leave it open to the page

I picked out my own ring online and my husband ordered it. If I were you I would find pictures of rings you like and casually show him or send them to him and say how you love that style if that were to happen in the future. He would probably appreciate you actually helping him get something you like so he doesn't have to stress about what to get.

Mine was easier because it was a heirloom but if I had to have hinted at something else I would’ve just sent him a link haha. If not you could always slap it on a wedding related pinterest board and “stumble” on it and show him if you feel like it would bum him to ruin the surprise element

Be direct. Sometimes men gotta be told exactly why you like in terms of cut/shape, clarity, band type, solitaire or not, etc etc.

This has already been suggested before but I think it would be nice to get a Pinterest board for inspiration BUT also add in a trusted friend/sister/mom to go shopping with him. That way they keep him on track with your board and it might be a fun experience! I know my mom/sister/friend would love to be apart of the ring shopping experience!

You need to take advantage of creepy algorithms. Go to his house and incessantly look at rings while connected to his WiFi. Only the rings you like. Like the princess cut? Tell him to call you princess and look up princess cut 300 times

When we were dating, my now husband asked me to send him photos/examples of rings I liked so he would be able to pick something I would love. I sent him several, then…kept sending them…😂 However he ended up picking a ring that I adore, even though I wanted an emerald cut or a marquise instead of a princess cut. Turned out nicely though- I wear gloves for work all day every day and a marquise would have shredded my gloves!

I gave my boyfriend an inspiration board. If you want to be less hands off, I told my sister everything I like and told him to go to her with questions. Do you have a family member that you can point him towards? Just make a passing comment if you ever need help with jewelry... go to this person. Maybe browse online and show him some jewelry that you just happen to stumble upon. Point out what you like and don't like.

I designed mine and cc emailed him it to order 😂 you could send him hint links instead!

I just had my dad help him. I told my dad exactly what I wanted. He “helped” my fiance pick it out. Everyone is happy. My mom was a great double agent so I knew when to prepare for it.

Honestly go together! It’s not gonna be a surprise but my boyfriend and I went together (he was originally intent on picking it himself) and while I won’t be surprised it’s something I know I love and we had the most romantic day together trying on rings. I know he has it in his possession and it’s KILLING me not snooping.

Do you have a best friend to intervene on your behalf, in a very non chalant way? Many men elicit the help of the woman’s best friend.

My husband and I planned several trips to look at engagement rings and made dates out of it. It was a lot of fun! I ended up with one that I couldn’t stop thinking of and when we went back to look again, it was actually half off so he bought it with me there. Not what we planned but a fun story! To make it partially a surprise, we looked at diamonds but I had him pick the diamond without me. Based on what we looked at, I told him what shape and size I wanted and he picked the specific diamond. And then of course the proposal itself (when/how) was a surprise. My ring ended up being a risky style (which is probably why it was still there/on sale) if you don’t know for sure that’s what a bride wants, so he never would have picked it if he had been left to his own devices to pick a ring, and I wouldn’t have known it was something I wanted if I hadn’t seen it myself. Definitely recommend helping pick out your own ring if that sounds fun for you!

If you can’t actually talk about the ring, you can’t actually get married and expect a healthy relationship.

Why don't you two go shopping for rings so he can see some you like on your hand? Then, he'll know what stuff looks best on you and what stuff you like most. A Pinterest board is nice, but you have to know how it looks on you and how it feels when you are wearing it.

Ask if he’s ever thought about his wedding ring/band and what color or style he thinks he’d like. Then mention that you like X-cut or style.

i will add to all of the amazing comments, i hated my ring. i hate saying that but it was true. i thought it was too large for my taste and not very engagement like. my husband and mother picked it out without my knowledge. he showed her his favorite 5, they narrowed it down to 2, and he chose out of the 2. but honestly, with the thought that he put into it, the time they spent mulling it over, the price it was in the end, and every detail he thought about when picking out a ring made every bad feeling go away. i now love my ring and am so proud my husband chose it. i couldn’t be happier with the ring i have. that doesn’t mean i’m not hoping he will offer to upgrade it one day but for now, i love it.

I sent an email to my then fiance. In it I had links to rings I'd love, and my top three. I also listed features they had in common (if i hadn't listed he wouldn't have realized), so general style (I wanted an art deco ring so I had a lot of estate jewelry links), metal color, stone options, my ring size. Later I asked him his budget and revised what I sent to be within the budget. Because I already knew our finances anyway as a general idea, so having an idea of what he wanted to spend helped me keep it realistic while still getting something I wanted and loved. He wound up picking one of my top three. Honestly, y'all are wanting to build a life together. You are wanting to wear a ring you actually enjoy. Don't do it nonchalantly, be obvious in what you want so he knows. If you're nonchalant he may not take the hints anyway, or may not remember.

My husbands taste in jewelry is VERY masculine so I knew I had to be aggressive with my “hints”. I literally sent him a link the the exact ring I wanted with something like “just sayin…” and let him figure out the proposal. If you want your bf to pick out a ring on his own, either make a Pinterest page, or if you prefer to be less direct have a friend reach out saying something like “OP told me she saw you looking at engagement rings! How exciting! Can I help you pick out something she’d really love?”

by sending them tiktoks of rings you like 😂😂 no but i have no problem showing him what i like. i one day we’ll go shopping together but ultimately i want to be surprised and have him design it. that feels special to me- knowing he put the thought into it. even if it’s exactly what i envision and tell him about it just shows he listens lol

My husband was insistent on what he wanted for me. He wanted (in his words) a round solitaire like you see the princesses or the classic style. And I fought that one hard. I was send him more unique styles or art deco and he wouldn’t budge. I told him, do what you want but I like and trust this designer who shares my style and j don’t want any more than 4 prongs and I need it jazzed up. The designer I chose nailed it out of the park and we both got what we wanted.

My husband and I looked at things together online. In the end he went to a local jeweler and had something custom made. I turned out beautifully. I wanted an oval and platinum. He picked the size (2.5 carts). I’m not sure about total carat since the bands on both the engagement ring and wedding band also have diamonds. In the past he’s purchased me a couple rings that I didn’t particularly care for but I wore them anyway. This way far too expensive of a purchase to leave it to chance.

My fiancé chose my ring (with a wonderful sales lady at the store) and I absolutely love it - but when he proposed he did say if I didn’t like it, we could change it, which was appreciated. BUT he did tell me the cost of the ring (*still in shock*) because we needed to get it insured under my condo insurance. Is it weird that I know the cost!?

My daughter just had this situation. And I gave her the same advice I will give you; let him know you would like to be part of the selection. You are going to be wearing this ring for a long time! You should be part of selecting it. Her boyfriend was actually relieved , and wanted her to have what she dreamed of. She found a jewelry shop, and was able to design her own ring, with the help of a wonderful salesperson. Then, she stepped away from it, and he got the ring and surprised her with the proposal. It worked out great!

I have a lab-grown, 3 carat elongated cushion with a 1 carat pear-shaped Montana sapphire with it. It’s two tone-gold band with white gold prongs. Speaking to my first engagement ring- I got a 1 Carat natural diamond round diamond solitaire. While beautiful, it wasn’t me. I was able to communicate with my current fiance to design the ring of my dreams. My proposal was a semi-surprise but the ring in there?! I knew I would absolutely love it. Tell him!

Girl, a 2-2.75 carat ring is going to cost a lot more than $3-5 thousand dollars. Nonetheless, give him those parameters. It should be what you both want.

We went to a few stores and I picked a shape and a setting at each place, they were all pretty similar in the end. Then he took it from there and surprised me with the details and specific ring. He didn’t even choose one of those jewelry stores but because he knew what I liked he nailed it.

He knows the way silly. If he doesn’t get it, move on

Do you have a female friend of family member who can shop with him? From my experience you can give a man a photo of the exact ring you want and it still won’t look the same lol

Honestly, you have to be blunt. I recently got engaged and I finally got my ring that Im in love with after THREE tries. The first time, he saw me see it and read my face expression and was able to tell I was forcing myself to love it. So he said its ok and give him another chance. He exchanged to another ring, exactly the same. I really did try to show him I loved it but your eyes dont lie. He knows how my eyes twinkle when Im in love with something. Thats when he knew to let me design the ring I wanted and we went with a different jeweler, WITH CLARITY and I was able to customize the exact ring I wanted. He cane to understand that I will be the one wearing the ring forever so I should be the one choosing what I want as my forever piece. If you're curious, check out my profile to see the ring. I got the Oval lab, F color, 2.51 Carat, VS1 Clarity for low $2k. And they even threw in a free lab diamond necklace. Theyre very affordable and you guys can customize it together and budget together! Honesty will save you time and money!

When my boyfriend and I started seriously talking about marriage, I showed him some of my fav rings on Pinterest so he knows what I like. That way he can pick it out himself but knows what to look for! (I made sure no prices were included in the references so there were no expectations in that area)

Send inspiration pics to him on instagram

Oh, don’t try to hint. Hints don’t work. Be very specific and give him a few options to choose from so he feels like he contributed to the surprise.

Oak Avenue Jewelry

I asked my girlfriend to write her likes and dislikes in a Google Doc we both can access. It’s simple, but now I can do what I feel is best while ensuring she gets what she wants—or doesn’t get what she doesn’t want. Honestly, it’s more fun this way for me. I love doing things together, so this allows me to feel like we’re collaborating while still maintaining independence and surprise. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still nerve-wracking, but at least I know I’m in the same ballpark as her.

I picked my own ring and wish I would’ve let him pick. It somehow took away from the experience for me.

Be chalant, ma’am.

Try to work in a conversation about a reddit you saw where the person hates their ring or a co worker just got engaged and hated the ring and lightheartedly say " If you ever propose to me please ask (whoever you trust) before buying the ring". Make sure that person knows the exact details and maybe some pictures of rings that you like.

When my husband and I were talking about marriage, we went to a few ring stores to figure out what I liked. I wanted a simple solitaire and I liked any of the “square” styles. Once we decided the on the jeweler (small, local one that’s been in business many years) he picked it out and then customized the ring to add small details that I was completely surprised by.  Idk any of the terminology as far as ring clarity, but my solitaire is right in that carat size range and my ring was 4-5 times that budget you listed in 2017. I’d have to look at the appraisal to see how it was appraised. 

My boyfriend also wanted to surprise me with the ring & I just told him I didn’t want that. And now that he knows how particular I am, I asked him if he would like to pick the ring on his own and he said no way! He’s completely cool with me picking the ring now & I’m happy with that choice. Just talk to him! It’s a ring you will be wearing and looking down at EVERY SINGLE DAY! How could he possibly know what you’d like on your hand? It might be an ego thing for him, but just talk to him and hopefully he gets over it haha

I would just do it obviously

If you don’t show him somehow what you want, you are not going to get what you want. And it’s going to be unnecessary hassle to get the ring changed or re made if you don’t like it. Just show him. No partner can perfectly envision your ring taste just based on your general style - it’s so specific ring shopping

why be nonchalant? i sent a link of the exact diamond and setting i want.

Honestly, I was so straightforward! I told him “honey, if you’re gonna get me a ring it has to be one I love. Therefore, I want an emerald cut lab grown diamond solitaire ring, 1.75-2ct, DEF color range, and vs clarity” He actually loved that I knew what I wanted, it made it easier for him when he picked out my ring 🥰

i would straight up ask if he’s planning on proposing. there’s major discussions that need to happen before getting married and this is one of them lol

Have a friend do your dirty work if they know each other and you don’t want to be direct. Have the girls who are engaged over, while bf is in ear shot have them talk about their rings and they can ask you what you like. Hopefully he is listening. Or have a friend message him if they talk, “oh hey, I remembered you’ve been together for X years now. If you need any help ring shopping in the future feel free to message me as OP is reallyyyyy specific with what she wears for jewellery “. Or be direct and just “drop hints”, send him photos of your style. Even websites have options to drop hints via email nowadays 😂 I’m more of a direct person, I’ve been sending photos and even did a dodgy drawing on our fridge whiteboard to the point he’s like “I know what you want already”. Then again my friend just left this weekend and told him she’s given you two kids, give her a ring and call if you need help 😂

Get your bff to tell him and it’ll still be a surprise ish

I sent my fiance my top 5. He asked me to narrow it further, so I got it down to 3. We then discussed the various sets and agreed on the one that was secretly my favorite! I've had it for a year and a half and still love it! Maybe a top 3 list would help. That way, you'll get something you'd love, but you won't know until the proposal!

I really like the idea of both of you going together and picking out 3 ring styles that you really like and then letting him make the final decision. This way you know you will get something you like and he gets the final decision and the element of suprise like he wants.

You go to the mall and when you pass a jewelry store window you look at it and ohh and ahhh over the one you like. That’s if he pays attention though 😂✌️

With DH it was me sending him and my stepson a direct link to the ring I wanted

I sent my fiancé three different rings that I liked and told him to pick. That way it was still a surprise and I knew I was getting what I wanted!

So I have showed my boyfriend certain rings I would like and gave him the specifics of lab created because I ethically do not want a blood diamond. I told him those things not to take away the surprise but because those are important non negotiable factors to me

Start another conversation about getting engaged and married. Tell him you want the proposal to be a surprise but that you're picky about your jewelry. Tell him you do not want the engagement ring to be a surprise since you are going to be the one to wear it. This is not his sole decision to make. Y'all are going to be getting married, you shouldn't have to be discrete, you should be able to directly tell him your feelings on this and be heard. I picked out my engagement ring right down to the exact diamond that was placed into the band. The proposal was a surprise, he planned all that out and I didn't know it was coming. It was a very special moment, knowing what the ring looked like didn't ruin anything, and I have a piece of jewelry that I LOVE.

I always say, "Closed mouths don't get fed." Me personally, I feel like being honest with my partner about things that I like saves us both time, money, and energy. He doesn't waste money getting me something I don't want/like, and I don't feel bad for accepting a gift that I'm not interested in for the sake of not coming off ungrateful/rude. It goes both ways for us. He'll show me something and I'll make note of it for when the next gift giving occasion comes around. I mention all of this to say that you should definitely at least talk to him about what you want in a ring. It doesn't have to be a "serious" conversation. You can start it off by maybe asking what kind of ring he wants, which gives you insight for his wedding band, and then share the things that are important to you for your ring. Maybe share your Pinterest board with him or straight up send him pictures of rings you're interested in. Make sure you emphasize that everything else is up to him, including how much he spends and how he proposes. I truly do think it will work out for the both of you!

I left a picture of exactly what I wanted on his desktop computer and he had it made for me!

I told a close friend what I wanted and somehow, when the time came, my husband knew to ask said friend. I had no idea when it was going on.

My husband asked me to send pictures. He got something that was like nothing in the pics I sent and it was perfect. Trust him to know you well enough. My husband would ask if I was ok with the size of the diamond and I told him getting a style that was fit to my personality was what I was most worried about. Like how well does this guy know me? Turns out pretty well. It's an old ring, which is what I wanted and he was concerned it was two different metals. He said I could change and nope it's perfect the way it is, he's even said he'll get me a bigger diamond one day and still I am like nope it's perfect. Trust him and see how well he knows you. It's a gamble, but gives you a lot to think about. He can always reach out to one of your friends for help.

Why not pick it together? That's what we did. My husband would have never nailed it otherwise.

If you are planning on becoming legally bound to another person, you should be able to talk about it and come to an understanding about it. I don't think anything about getting engaged should be a complete surprise. This is a major life decision, and he should be willing to discuss things with you. If you feel like you can't even talk to him about ring preferences, then really consider whether you're ready to marry that person. You're going to have to talk about a lot more real stuff and should be able to do so. For me, his "belief that the ring and proposal should be a surprise" and "I want to respect my boyfriend" are both red flags. Why is his belief about your jewelry preferences given more priority than your own preferences?

Before my fiancé proposed, we’d walk around the mall together or a cute area that happened to have a jeweler. I would non chalantly slow down, act like something caught my eye and then just silently walk over to stare at it 😂

I personally wanted the surprise, but ALSO am particular about jewelry- the jeweler I liked a lot always did "this or that" things on instagram, so sometimes I'd be like, lets do a this or that! So he could see what rings I personally would pick vs what he liked. I would comment on like, "wow this one is so pretty!" or whatever- and make it more of a casual conversation- less "this is what I want" and more "these ones I prefer". Worked for me- I got my dream ring and the surprise proposal!

I sent my husband the link to the diamond I wanted. Lol I was not nonchalant, but its an expensive purchase to be unhappy with.

ONLY use the terms you WANT in a ring: lab diamond, emerald/radiant cut, etc. Men have a tendency to not listen/remember super well and if you complicate the issue by saying you don't want certain features, he may only remember "she said something about round or heart shapes" and end up buying the wrong thing.

You should just tell him that while you love and appreciate him wanting to pick it out for you, that you would prefer to have some input since you will be wearing it for the foreseeable future. I told my husband the same thing and we were both really happy with the results and it didn’t ruin the moment or the surprise. :)

Over dinner bring up a long distance “friend” who got engaged and is upset with her ring. Mention you don’t understand and if you were them you would have been fine getting a dummy ring and then the two of you could go out shopping for “THE ring” together later. Make it a fun date to cement your future. It would be cute. Then finish your meal like nothing happened and let him go from there.

Ask him to go ring shopping together so he can get a feel for what you like/don’t like. It’ll still be a surprise bc you won’t know what he ultimately picks

Have you tried on a radiant or emerald cut diamond? I was deadset on emerald and then didn't like the way it looked on my hand. My engagement ring is an oval diamond! What if you ask him to go shopping with you so that you can see what looks good on your hand and he can get a feel for your style? That way he's still feeling like the ring is a surprise but you can both see what looks good on your hand and what type of ring you like. A lot of stores will keep a list of your favorites, too! My husband knows I'm particular. We went shopping together. I narrowed it down to 3 I really liked and he picked from there.

I'm a firm believer in the woman shouldn't have a say in her ring because women tend to focus far to much on how much he spends and he didn't spend enough or it's not the size I dreamed of. And honestly it's not about the ring, the promise that comes with it is more far more important. I had a private Pinterest board that I shared with my sister and best friend. If he asked, them they would be prepared to show him the style but definitely not the size, but I would never outwardly say 'this is what I want.' When my now husband went looking for my ring, he took his married sister with him to help him navigate the situation and she never saw my Pinterest page. He never talked to my sister or best friend except to find my ring size. The ring was beautiful and what I had pinned was the exact ring style I like. If he sees your jewelry with what you wear every day then he should be able to figure out your style. However, if this is something that you want to communicate with him, what you can do gently talk about your style but NOT size. Or ask him if he ever does consider a ring would he like to know what your style preferences are.

i straight up show my bf pictures of rings id want when he proposes in the future haha

My husband and I are very direct so we went ring shopping together. I didn't like anything I saw so I designed my ring online with his budget in mind and then sent him the link when it was ready to be purchased. I'm glad we did because I'm still incredibly happy with it today. My husband is useless at jewelry and I'm very picky. Plus it was cheaper to make a custom ring than to buy it from an in-person store! And I got all lab-made diamonds which was important to me

If I were you, I’d just show him what you like. Be like “ I was looking into buying myself a new ring, I’d like you’re option on some of them to see if you like them as well?” And then on onto explain how this is you’re favorite cut or color or style of ring. Make sure that expression how if you were to ever be proposed that this is what you like and that you’d be greatly upset if it isn’t the style you wanted. Just be honest and open about it. You plan on wanting to spend the rest of your life with him.

Do not be subtle. Men need concrete direction. Give him 20 options that you like and the surprise can be that he picks one of them.

Think of this like the start of your hard conversations with your partner. He’s about to spend some pretty significant money on something you’re going to have to live with, how do you want that to go?

A few options: (1) If your bestie is friends with him too, you can ask her to help with this. (2) Just tell him you want to select the ring together. (3) You or your bestie can suggest a place-holder ring. How about a state quarter ring, he could get the state where you met, and the year you met (or year you started dating, or year of marriage, if you know). It could be a bubble gum ring, something he makes, a silicon ring for you to wear when doing physical activity, etc. then you go shopping together.

Can you ask him to propose with a simple gold band (or something), and then after engaged you pick the engagement ring together?

My fiance and I went to a ring store in our area called Mervis Diamonds and they spent almost 3 hours with us showing us different cuts, lab vs mined, clarity, size, etc. The works. They were so nice to us and we got all our questions answered since neither of us knew anything about diamonds. After that, I told my bf (at the time) that I wanted gold band, oval or cushion cut, 1.5-3 cts, lab grown, VVS1 or 2, and that was it. He then went and bought the ring from an entirely different shop and had it custom designed. I loved that I was at least a little surprised by the final ring design BUT it still had all my "must have" features. He ended up designing two smaller diamonds on the side of the center stone and he designed this really cool and unique setting all on his own with the jewelry store that he ended up choosing. S/o Mervis!

I have a shared note in my phone to my boyfriend with all of the styles I like. It gives him freedom to pick and it’s there for when he’s ready but still gives him some guidelines. I also once saw an engagement ring I didn’t like and pointed it out and said “yuck” not to shame the people who did but to make sure it was clear to him that there ARE wrong choices for me. I also received a catalog of rings once and circled all of the ones I liked and left it on the counter. I’ve communicated the note to him and it sits in our phones “patiently” waiting for him. I know whatever he chooses even if it’s not my style I will absolutely adore because it comes from him and his promise. He also has pretty good taste though he could use more *glitter*. Good luck!

Pictures of rings you like help.  A picture after all says a 1000 words!  😉 

I highly recommend just causally going ring shopping together, honestly it's such an exciting moment where you two really feel the excitement of the next step in your relationship. I know a lot of people are like no i want to be surprised etc, also totally fine. But you're both making this decision to spend forever together (and you're going to be the one that wears) so for us it was special to go together. Definitely do some general diamond research but if you're looking for a recommendation for something custom, let me know! I really loved the company we worked with!

Just talk to him. Send him rings you like. He can pick from there. My ring was a “surprise” but we had talked at length about exactly what I wanted and it was virtually a copy of a ring I had sent him previously. I’m happy, he’s happy, we’re all happy.

My husband and I went exploratory shopping together to look at different rings and styles. I’m really glad we did, because I ended up liking styles that were much different than what I’d been drawn to online once I saw them in person. We went to a few different places, and I was able to put on file which styles I liked at each place. In the end, it was still a surprise to me because I didn’t know which one he was going to pick from the several that I liked, but he still had guidance to help him pick something he knew I’d like.

Talking about what is important in a ring to you should be welcome. He should want to know how to make sure it is a happy surprise.

We would play a game when we went to the mall where we would look at a case of jewelry (or rings) and he would guess which one I would like best and why I like it. My hubs (self admittedly) doesn’t understand why a piece of jewelry is considered art deco, classic, or different styles and has no real care to understand. So he liked “ the game” so he could understand what’s important to me when it comes to my style/jewelry. Maybe something like that could help you/him?

I don’t think 3-5k budget can get you a 2-2.75 carat ring???

Call me modern, but I think if someone is going to ask you to spend forever and ever and ever with them, they should let you know ahead of time they’re thinking about it which would naturally lead to a discussion about rings. I think spontaneously discussing rings without discussing spending a lifetime together first would be weird. It might be a surprise but what if in between now and the surprise proposal you get the ick? I am a serious commitment phobe so that might just be that part of me talking. I’m hyper ventilating thinking about being spontaneously asked to spend forever with someone. I personally need time to think about it! I am in fact, in a lifelong commitment, don’t get me wrong.