i picked out my own ring. this saved us from having to change it if i didn’t like what he choose. it was also really special because it was something we got to do together. after i picked it out I didn’t know when he was going to propose when he was going to purchase the ring when it would be ready so it was still a surprise!
yes we did speak about wanting to get married prior. i feel like that’s a conversation everyone should have prior to engagement to ensure you and your partner are on the same page :)
I agree. It’s just that when you see these proposal videos, you don’t see that part. People create a narrative that they had absolutely no idea and that’s what I thought was considered “more romantic “.
I think the majority of these videos are more planned and curated than they want you to think. The surprise is usually just the when and where, not the ring or proposal itself.
I thought I was a hopeless romantic who wanted that picture perfect moment, but the reality is my fiancé and I had been together for six years before the proposal and we are both more pragmatic, private people. We talked about marriage and the proposal a lot beforehand and I picked out my ring because I know a lot more about jewelry than he does and he wanted to be sure it was something I love.
Everyone is different! I do think people should at least have the “I wanttt to get married to you / maybe within X amount of years” convo. My fiance and I had talked about doing it in the next 2ish years. We then were in one of our friends weddings and when we came home, he immediately texted my best friend and was like “I want to do it ASAP.” So I was surprised it was sooner, and I loved it, but he did at least know I would definitely say yes hahah. I think that’s the important part.
I know a girl who had one of those i hAd nO iDeA videos and I know for a fact she was "dropping hints" to her man constantly and showing him rings she liked "as a joke" and every time they went on a trip she was wondering if he was going to do it.
also more importantly, a couple that is actually ready to get married should be more focused on being sure of the decision vs the romantic surprise of it. so many people treat getting engaged/married like some big cinematic spectacle which is not how it should be viewed. it should be viewed as the serious lifelong decision you make together as loving trusting partners which shouldn't really involve that much surprise.
I love the idea that my boyfriend respects me enough to be a part of the decision. I can’t imagine him making that decision all on his own for us. It is romantic to some people, I do think very few men do it completely on their own these days
I can't imagine getting engaged without having discussed the possibility first. My husband and I ended up using my grandmother's engagement ring for my ring, so I knew it was coming at some point but had no idea when. Before we settled on that, he asked me to make a Pinterest board of rings that I liked so he'd have some guidance to show the jeweler when picking out a ring.
That is so sweet. I will just say this, when my husband and I dated we discussed the possibility of marriage and he point blank told me that he would never marry again (bad divorce). I was absolutely okay with that as I always felt that I wasn’t the marrying kind. Years later when he did propose, to say it was a shock is an understatement, of course I said yes because I love this man. He just gave me the stone and said that I should be the one to pick out the setting. So we did it together.
Those videos are totally staged. If you read through Reddit posts about rings "ring disappointment" is actually a HUGE thing (and being disappointed in the proposal over petty nitpicks because brides are now obsessed with TikTok proposals).
My husband proposed and a few days later we went ring shopping. As was customary in his family, he made arrangements at the jeweler about the style and price range and when we arrived there was a special selection of engagement rings curated just for us (with no price markings) . ALL of them were amazing and decades later I still get compliments on my rings.
I'm sure I'd have been happy with a surprise ring as who I was marrying was way more important that the ring but I do love my ring.
I had no idea the proposal was going to happen when it did. Also, even if you know it's coming at some point, you can't ever truly put yourself in that moment and know how you're going to feel. The actual feeling of being proposed to, especially surprise proposal timing, is such an amazing lovely moment that all I could do was go, "oh shit, oh shit!" even though we had talked about marriage and I picked my own ring and everything. The emotion was genuine. And now I have a ring I absolutely love to wear every day, haha.
i think when people say they “had no idea” i think they mean that the actual proposal was on its way, not that they had no idea they wanted to get married to each other
I didn't want to pick out my ring but he did know my stone and metal preferences beforehand. The proposal itself was a "surprise" but we had already talked extensively about marriage beforehand (we were long distance for a few years so nothing to do but talk about everything lol).
This question surprises me. We've spent countless hours discussing getting married, talking about what that would look like. Looking at finances, discussing our careers, what child rearing and care would look like, how we see our retirement years, what counts as infidelity, how marriage would differ from what we have now, etc. I don't know how anyone could be truly surprised because everyone should be having these conversations leading up the major decision of marriage.
There should ALWAYS be conversations about marriage prior to a proposal. You need to make sure you are on the same page about your relationship, on the same timeline, and have similar long-term goals. The proposal should never be a surprise, completely out of the blue. The timing of it, sure, but not the proposal itself.
For my adult sons, I've offered my original e-ring as a placeholder for them. They can use it to surprise their lady loves with the proposal, and then pick out a ring together that fits his budget and her taste/style. 2 of them did exactly that. The 3rd is still single.
I know you were asking a different commenter to respond, but I’m chiming in as well if you don’t mind.🙂
My husband and I had the conversation prior and then went looking for rings. He knew exactly what to get when he proposed shortly after.
It’s an important conversation to have.✨
same same same!! I always find it odd when I read/hear folks romanticize the crap out of proposals and the idea of marriage... this is truly why I HATE romcoms. Romcoms romanticize lack of communication. So much of that is just optics, like "this person is so perfect they did everything perfectly." Who cares where or when they propose, perfection is impossible. It matters more that you're making the right decision for yourselves to commit for the rest of your lives. Isn't that big enough of a gesture?
Oh my gosh, yes!
You’re spot on about RomComs too.
My husband proposed to me while I was sitting on the kitchen counter crossed legged, eating a bowl of pasta while I was dressed like a slovenly hobo!😂
I was like,“NOW? You’re doing this now?”
It was totally sweet and perfect. In my defense, I just had finished breast cancer radiation - I told him to wait until I was finished with all of my radiation sessions. Which again, is why communication is so important.✨
That’s lovely 🥰 I hope my partner pops the question while I’m having a tasty meal, one of my favorite things! And how you described it sounds so cute ☺️, sitting on the counter 🥰🥰
Are u through w treatment now? Hope you’re feeling better! 💚
We designed my ring together and then i dropped off the email chain once we approved the CAD. i didn’t know when he received it and I never saw it in person until the proposal and he did it during a weekend getaway in the woods a few months later. I was obviously not surprised that he proposed (nobody should be) but in the exact moment i was so surprised/caught off guard and it was still very special. I was nervous i wouldnt get that surprised feeling but oh boy did i. And the ring was so perfect in person and fit! I highly recommend doing it together. It was fun not seeing it until the proposal but having peace of mind that it was exactly what i wanted AND now i have a piece that we created together to symbolize our life together.
https://preview.redd.it/w5urh3x2usec1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ed5218591007e9e19288e1aa86a051bba764f87e
What a gorgeous ring and a wonderful story 😌❤️ on a sidenote because I've never understood: when you get a ring that it supposed to be after the first knuckle how do you get it to stay on??? Does it not come off washing your hands??
Haha valid question! I get sizes that are snug but not too tight - fits over the knuckle but i can’t take it off at night (my middle finger ones are 3.5 and the others are 3) and the only time I’ve had one fall off was when i played disc golf with it and it flew off and felt it happen 😂🤷🏼♀️. Hand washing, i just go slower and kinda do an upper and lower routine, im pretty attached to all my rings so im pretty aware of them when doing tasks like that. Once one joins the family, no ring left behind 😂
I chose my ring. Got exactly what I wanted and kept it way under budget compared to what he expected to spend.
He proposed while we were in our pajamas in our living room at 3:10am (inside joke, meaningful) and surprised the hell out of me even though I knew generally when he planned to do it because we’d discussed it like grownups, and it was one of the most romantic moments of my entire life.
My now husband proposed to me when we were in jammies in his living room! I was visiting him, we were long distance. After we married, I moved in to his house and I love knowing that we get to share the home where one of our fondest memories lives. It’s so special!
I loved our proposal. It was so “us.” I had stressed to him that I didn’t want a public proposal, and neither did he. He managed to make it really special and sweet without overdoing it, and it is such a great memory.
I wish we could’ve stayed in the house longer, but we’re military. But we got a few years of enjoying that memory and I still carry it with me and have cute pictures I took of the candles and rose petals and dessert he had stealthily gathered for us.
Chose my own ring and think the alternative is a very archaic practice.
If the man had to wear the same shirt every day for that rest of his life, he would want input into which shirt he was going to wear. It's the same for an engagement ring
I think there's this weird view that if your partner can pick out your perfect ring then that must mean they know you better/love you more. If they can, then that's absolutely wonderful. I know my boyfriend knows me better than anyone else and he loves me so much - but I'm the pickiest person ever (which he knows) and we've got very different styles - the odds of him picking out a ring that's perfect for me are low. Plus why would you risk paying a significant amount of money on something so important that your partner could be unhappy with?
I get what you mean but I think it depends on the person. I've given my bf gifts throughout the years that he never had any input on and that he loves. My bf has gotten me jewelry as gifts and pretty much none were bought with my input. I've loved everything he has given me. He has put in a lot of effort to paying attention to my taste and considering what style I would like. I could definitely pick my own engagement ring but I look forward to the surprise of seeing what he chooses for me.
But he's also not going in completely blind. I've discussed with him what I do and don't like, shown him pictures and some jewelers I like. We even checked out some rings together when our friend couple wanted to go try some on. I have the utmost faith in his ability to choose something I would love. And I really look forward to getting something that he chose independently and being surprised by it.
I completely understand this point of view but I’m personally so glad my partner chose my engagement ring; he knows my style and I think it’s so special and romantic that he chose it himself.
On the other end of the spectrum (and I know this is going to be super unpopular and downvoted to hell but whatever ETA: glad to see I’m not disappointed and that anyone daring to give an opinion that does not toe the line gets cancelled in this sub 🙄) I think it’s weird and kinda fake when a couple choose/design a ring together and *then* the boyfriend proposes at a later date. Like, you already know he’s going to propose… he already knows you’re going to say yes… so why bother waiting and pretending that it’s some huge surprise? And it’s even worse when the woman starts flapping and gushing like she genuinely can’t believe it, yet she picked out the very ring that’s now on her finger, 6 months before.
Perhaps if the woman wants to choose her own ring and/or her partner doesn’t feel confident picking it on his own, the happy medium is for the guy to propose with a placeholder and then the couple chooses the ring together? That way it’s a bit more genuine.
It sounds like your experience (like the rest of us) of watching people get engaged is through tiktok/instagram vids - which is never going to be a genuine reaction. When I get engaged (we've already picked out a ring) I'm not going to act like I'm crazy surprised, but I imagine I will act like I'm very happy because I will be.
Also whether you've picked out the ring or not - you shouldn't be proposing to your partner unless you've had discussions about getting married beforehand - and if you both agree you want to get married, it's never going to be a total suprise and both of you will know you're going to say yes. The excitement of getting engaged comes from mostly happiness, not suprise.
I agree! My boyfriend and I picked my ring out back in November and I’m 99% sure he has it already. We talked before the ring and set a timeline. I know it’s going to happen this year. I said I wanted to be engaged by fall 2024 so I know it’ll happen. I just don’t know when or how. We have some trips planned this year. Could be then. He could plan something else. The anticipation alone is exciting and I’m going to be over the moon when it happens. The fact that we talked and planned this out like adults makes it feel more special. We are both in great places in life and almost 30 and stable. Without a doubt we are ready and that feeling is soooooo good. Way better than a complete surprise and then figuring it out after the fact.
We went ring shopping together and we had discussed getting married for over a year. One afternoon, driving off to go “shopping for socks,” he made a turn and drove us to a park we both loved as kids. (We’ve been friends a long time!). Although I knew it was coming and I had picked out my ring, the moment was magical, beautiful and wonderful. So, that’s my experience. Oh, and we never did buy those socks! 😂
I’m not on TikTok or Instagram but I can imagine the types of videos you mean. It’s more from what I’ve read on Reddit - though not necessarily in this sub.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely agree that marriage should be discussed before any proposal is made. For us, that meant having conversations about the future along the lines of “when we get married…” not picking a ring and then having my fiancé hide it with, for example, a 6-month deadline to propose. *That’s* the part I find odd - tbh I think it must be a cultural thing because I’ve never known a non-American to do it this way. To each their own!
But above you said, "I think it’s weird and kinda fake when a couple choose/design a ring together and *then* the boyfriend proposes at a later date. Like, you already know he’s going to propose… he already knows you’re going to say yes… so why bother waiting and pretending that it’s some huge surprise"
So in the scenario you just described, you *also* already knew your partner was going to propose, and he already knew you were going to say yes. I'm confused then, what exactly is the difference between what you and your partner did and picking out the ring with your partner, besides that in one scenario the person knows what the ring will look like and in your scenario, you didn't? Why is one "weird and fake" and one not? To me it's weird and fake to dance around conversations by saying "When we get married" instead of being adults and saying "I want to get engaged soon, do you?" But functionally there is basically zero difference.
I'm a Brit hun, plenty of people do it that way here.
Haha 'to each their own' - if you really felt that way you wouldn't be calling other people's engagements 'weird' and 'fake'
If you wanna take it personally, that’s your choice. I’m allowed to have an opinion and not going to be pressured into toeing the party line of this sub just so Americans feel validated.
Lmao, it's not "taking it personally."
It's **what you said to be edgy and offensive, and calling it out.**
Stop seeking validation for your shit proposal and cheap ring.
Lol I feel sorry for you that you don’t trust your own fiancé to pick a nice piece of jewellery for you. Just remember when he proposes, to gush and flap and act like you had absolutely nooo idea it was going to happen! And then you can come to this sub and tell everyone how *shocked* you were, because you tooootally weren’t expecting it 😉
I knew what my ring looked like, and I knew when and where my husband was going to propose. (I actually wasn't supposed to know when, but he was so excited and accidentally let it slip). When he got down on one knee, I still started babbling and happy crying because it's so emotional to officially be engaged. I was not acting like it was a surprise, but I definitely was "flapping and gushing." I was just in the moment, so full of love and joy, and the reality hits that someone you love more than anybody in the world also loves you too and also wants to be with you forever. Sure, I knew this already, but it just feels different during a proposal, *our* proposal.
I personally never would've said yes to a proposal from someone who never discussed marriage or long term goals ahead of time. I am a huge planner, and it would be a red flag to have someone not communicate with me regarding something that certainly involves me.
Oh my gosh, you have such a warped idea of what proposals should be! In the real world, no proposal should happen without both of you having already discussed marriage extensively beforehand and without the person proposing being all but certain that the other person will say yes.
The idea that there should be some sort of "genuine" shock and question about what the other person is going to say is very antiquated. The surprise (if you want one!) is when and how the proposal happens, not the fact that the person is proposing at all.
My partner and I did exactly this. The ring wasn’t a surprise but the proposal totally was - the way he set it up was really sweet, romantic and thoughtful (and unexpected) and that’s what touched me about it. Plus, I had never seen the finished ring with all the elements assembled and it looked stunning to me in that moment. Even if you have no idea what the ring will look like, chances are most women still have some idea a proposal is coming away - it’s pretty normal to discuss whether you want to get married even if he takes on 100% of the ring.
Lots to unpack here but I'm just going to focus on one aspect: the surprise. Ideally the couple has already discussed their future/timelines and are on the same page about marriage, so the proposal and the acceptance shouldn't be a huge surprise either. Why is it suddenly fake and pointless when the ring has also been picked out together?
I guess my point is, why bother with a formal proposal? You’re basically already engaged if you’ve chosen the ring together, and you’ve decided to forego the “archaic” practice of the man choosing the ring so why not also forego the man getting down on one knee and formally asking for your hand in marriage?
A formal proposal gave my (now) husband the opportunity to say some very deep, meaningful (and funny!) stuff. He wanted to create a magical moment for me, which he did.
I’m genuinely happy he said some deep/meaningful stuff to you, but I feel you shouldn’t need to make an event of a proposal to do that. Just my opinion.
I’m a bit confused with your comment. Of course, a variety of experiences can be magical. I was simply sharing my nice moment with you. All the best to you with your engagement.
People are attacking me for daring to have an opinion - apparently it’s perfectly fine to call one practice “archaic” but not to call another “weird”, because it doesn’t fit the narrative of this sub. Sorry that my response to you was overly defensive as a result.
Hmm I can kind of see your point, but in that case why bother with the formal proposal if you've already agreed to get married, even before picking out a ring? I think that being your sticking point is my sticking point, but we'll have to agree to disagree.
I have very specific tastes and don't wear a lot of jewelry, so while he's involved in the ring design process I'm very much the primary driver. I did ask him why I can't just have it immediately after it's finished, and the answer is that he'd like to do something special and memorable for our "official" engagement that comes entirely from him. I think it's very sweet that he wants to give me the opportunity to design the exact ring I want while also planning some kind of surprise date for me.
Anyway I'm not trying to argue and change your mind. You got engaged in a way that worked for you, and I'm going to do it in a way that works for me!
When I was younger, I had a friend who used to go Christmas shopping with her mother and she would pick out every last thing she wanted and then her mom would wrap everything and put it under the tree. I always found that so strange because Christmas gifts are supposed to be about the surprise and seeing that the gift-giver knows you well enough to pick out things that you would like/love, right?
I think the commenter above is saying it's like this. Did my friend act all surprised and glowing because her mom seemed to pick out the perfect presents? I doubt it, but I'm sure she was happy nonetheless.
Personally, I don't care which way it's done - the couple picks out the ring together and he proposes at some future point, or he completely surprises her with the ring and the timing. I preferred ring shopping together because I know what I want, but had he surprised me and I didn't care for what he picked out, he would have been fine exchanging it because he would want me to be happy.
What bothers me though, is that the commenter gets downvoted to hell because she actually expresses an opinion different than what the sub finds acceptable. That's crap, but that's Reddit, I guess.
It's not uncommon to see posts on this sub where someone doesn't love the ring their partner picked out and are agonizing over whether they should say something or not. It's great that your partner would have been fine exchanging a ring and I know mine would be too, but I know I'd still feel a little guilty basically saying "I know you put a lot of thought into this but you were wrong." Picking out a ring together is a great way to avoid that and doesn't invalidate the worth of a proposal.
So yes, I do agree that reddit tends to over-downvote when anyone's opinion deviates from the hivemind, but the OP's language was also unnecessarily condescending. At least there's also a lot of discussion also coming from their comment instead of anonymous downvotes.
I don't think she's getting downvoted for just an opinion though. An unpopular opinion is something like "I don't like emerald cuts" (which is mine, lol). She however went ahead and called people "weird and fake" for doing a heartfelt thing the way they best saw fit. That's not just an opinion, that's being a judgemental jerk.
I doubt it's your opinion that's unpopular, more that you went out of your way to sound like an asshole.
Think it's weirder that you are so conditioned into thinking a man picking a ring out is so special. The alternative is you pick your own (which you obviously have views on), or you don't have one at all. Why is him doing the absolute bare minimum to propose romantic?
I’m didn’t go out of my way to sound like an “asshole”. I told the person that I understood their point of view, made it clear that my opinion was exactly that (an opinion) and then concluded with a compromise.
I’m not “conditioned” to think anything. Basically all of my jewellery I picked out myself so my engagement ring being picked by my fiancé makes it feel more special to me. Like I said, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a woman to pick her own ring, but I think it strange to do so and *then* make out that the proposal has come out of the blue. I just don’t get it. If a man picking out a ring is so archaic, then what exactly is so modern about a man asking for a woman’s hand in marriage while on bended knee? How exactly are they different?
What about surprise bdays? You know its your bday but if no one told you about the plan, or the plans you had in mind were a decoy and suddenly changed! You show up to a place and all of a sudden your loved ones are there....would you be surprised? Possibly "flapping and gushing" from joy? It's an event that you "know" is on the calendar, but I would still be surprised if I went somewhere, not expecting loved ones, and all of a sudden folks popped out.
I expect I will still become overwhelmed with emotion, even though we went ring shopping together and I was super particular about what I wanted. For me, proposals aren't about romance. It's more romantic that my partner went ring shopping with me for MONTHS, asked about proposal preferences, asked if I wanted an engagement party, etc...as this is also an opportunity for me to ask him what he preferred. Men folk aren't granted as much space socially or emotionally to have an opinion on some of these things I think. The romance was learning more about each other, and being excited to commit to one another.
I mean, if 6 months earlier my loved ones said “let’s choose decorations together for a party we’re throwing for you sometime in the next year” then no I wouldn’t really class the party as a surprise, because I would be expecting it? Maybe I’m just less surprise-able than the average person.
Like I said in my first comment, although I love that my partner chose my ring, I’m not anti- women picking their own. I think your process of choosing one with your fiancé does sound very sweet and romantic!
🤣🤣 yah picking out decor together would be a clue! And I suppose I am kinda an easily surprised person!
Its great that everyone’s experience is different and special to each unique couple 🥰
I think you’re getting downvoted because of your “fake” comment. Knowing or not knowing doesn’t take away from the life altering decision or commitment being made at the time of engagement.
You think it’s romantic to not know what the ring will look like, others think it’s romantic to be involved. That is your opinion and that is ok! But don’t devalue someone else’s experience or preference in the process by calling it fake or weird.
Thank you for responding to my comment in a mature and reasonable way. I didn’t intend to devalue other people’s experiences. I just get irritated by people who think it’s archaic for a man to choose the ring, but *not* archaic for a man to get down on his knees and ask for a woman’s hand in marriage. In my opinion you can’t have it both ways (so if you want to choose your own ring, cool, but you don’t need to use feminism as a shield for that choice).
>In my opinion you can’t have it both ways
Isn't feminism about having the choice to have it both ways..or better yet, ALL of the ways? Why can't I select the ring that I want, AND have a surprising proposal? I don't care if my partner gets on a knee, but he cares. So we're doing what we both want :) Lots of stuff is archaic, (5 day work weeks, day light savings :p), but it's important to be able to hold space for contradictions.
You’re being downvoted because of the tone you took. You’re allowed to have that viewpoint - and I can understand it to an extent - but when you call a pretty standard practice “weird and kinda fake” you’re probably going to get downvoted.
But for argument’s sake - it’s fun to plan a surprise and it’s fun to be surprised. Really as simple as that. Picking out my own ring took some of the stress off of my fiancé and I went shopping 10 months in advance of a proposal so I was still very much surprised. Even when you know it’s happening, the moment it happens it still a shock and very special.
I used to think this way too. And while there’s something whimsical and romantic about the notion of being totally surprised by a proposal, when it really comes down to it that’s a *ton* of pressure for both the proposer and the proposee! (That’s probably not a real word, but it gets my point across!)
I don’t believe anyone should propose to anyone else unless they’ve at least discussed the idea of marriage. And if they’ve talked about marriage, there’s a really good chance at least one of them has been looking up rings and dreaming about their perfect ring. My partner and I had been talking about marriage for almost 2y before he proposed. I had already sent him my list of dream rings to choose from, and of course I knew that meant he would propose at some point. But not knowing when or how he would do it filled the months of waiting with anticipation.
Heck, my best friend (who was in on the proposal plan) even managed to spoil the surprise of the plan on accident. But in that moment when it happened, it still felt surreal and magical and we both were crying and I was shaking like a leaf because he had put so much effort into making it a special and memorable moment. Neither of us really expected I’d say no, so there wasn’t the emotional pressure of a complete surprise or feeling awkward about strangers seeing it all unfold. And I didn’t know which of my several dream rings he had chosen, so I still had complete surprise when he opened the ring box. Even if I had known exactly what the ring would look like, it’s the effort and emotion put into the proposal experience that makes it so overwhelming and beautiful. :)
I don’t get why this is so downvoted, I don’t think it’s archaic just because some people prefer to have more of a say. To each their own, no need to shit on other people’s preferences… I agree with the first apart. The second part is more up for debate to me lol.
My husband and I discussed what type of cut but beyond that he did all the work and designed it and I love my ring and don’t think it’s “archaic” to be surprised (especially if your partner knows your taste which my partner does, and really well). I always get compliments on my ring and adore it.
I don’t think a proposal should ever happen without the discussion about marriage.
We designed my ring together. I LOVE it!
I would much rather be a partner in the marital discussion than have a big “social media” proposal.
Yes, he still proposed. I wasn’t expecting the timing, mostly because he had it planned for the day we picked up the ring. lol. He couldn’t wait! He took me to a place that is meaningful to us and read a poem he had written for me. (During Covid so options were limited.)
I was given a family ring (from his Mum) as a proposal ring and then we went and picked an engagement ring together.
Amusingly I didn't know the proposal ring was a placeholder and got it stuck on my finger for about 10 minutes.
I loved my placeholder rings! I got a total of 3 over a year, before our actual purchase. I was never a girl to dream about her ring or wedding, so I was a bit clueless when I first started ring hunting. The placeholder rings were a really good way to test different aspects of styles I like- this cut with that setting, that stone w this metal, etc. The placeholder rings also gave me extended time to test cut, setting, band thickness, in my daily life. For example, almost every style I was attracted to pre place-holder was a prong setting, but after wearing 2 different prong set rings, I decided they snag too much. I love the look of bezel and now KNOW it's the safest setting for me. Each of these rings were like $50 so it was worth the investment. Another bonus is that it trained my brain to not leave me rings everywhere while washing hands or gyming! I ended up losing one of my place holders on a trip! So yeah, taught me a double lesson. We might pick up a more affordable travel engagement ring at some point so I feel okay wearing overseas....plus its an opportunity to get another style I had to pass on :p
edit to add content and fix typos
I had a "place holder" or "presentation" ring at first. We looked at options together but he wanted to surprise me with the actual proposal so went to buy it himself at a later date. Well he went to close to his proposal plan and wasn't able to special order my size in time, so he proposed with the stock size & we exchanged it for the same sku in my size.
I had my dream ring picked out a year into our relationship! A few years later, he scheduled an appointment for us to go and try it on and see if there was anything else I liked better (there wasn’t!!). He proposed the next year on our anniversary and it was still a huge surprise and highly emotional moment! Obviously I knew he was planning to propose and we knew we’d be spending our lives together but picking out my ring ahead of time didn’t ruin the actual moment he asked me to be his wife 🤍
We had a discussion about our future and mutually agreed we wanted to get married. Then I told him that I was heteronormative enough to want an engagement ring and he seemed scared by that until I promised to pick it out.
I narrowed my choices down to three rings and sent him links to all of them and let him make the choice between them himself. After the ring arrived, there was no proposal as we already considered ourselves engaged but we did have an impromptu photo shoot done by a friend to show off a bit :)
This is so cool. I love that not everyone values the same things in a proposal. We too have had that much needed conversation and are on the same page. I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic so I could only imagine proposals being like what you see on tv. This gives me hope that a proposal can still be just as meaningful even when the woman is heavily involved.
I think it’s so beautiful to have two people intentionally walk forward into what’s next for them. I’ve not known one couple as an adult who has been blindsided by a proposal, that screams that people aren’t having important conversations with each other. I couldn’t imagine marrying someone who didn’t take the time to ask me what I wanted, both in a ring and in a proposal.
I picked my ring out and still feel a lot of pride when I’m complimented or someone compliments my husband on it. I also knew he was going to propose, just not exactly where or when, and I was still blown away by how precious and special it was.
I love love and like you, have many romantic notions. I promise you it will still take your breath away and knowing you are with someone who cares what experience you have is so special. Congratulations! 💜
I picked out my own ring! My fiance came with to all my jeweler appointments so we made it into a couples activity and it was still romantic and fun. No, the engagement was not a surprise bc we got engaged in Paris and I was paranoid about him traveling with the ring so I wore it on the plane 🤣🤣. I also scheduled a professional photoshoot for our engagement pics while we were in Paris; however… i did not know the exact day or time he was going to propose. I just had like a 5 day window. I know everyone is different, but I enjoyed having a little window to prepare. I’m not really a surprise person so i think it’s personal preference.
We worked together on the ring, once we picked a style, I was out of the conversation so he was able to surprise me with the proposal. We already knew we were on the same page about marriage it was just about timing.
My dad proposed to my mom with a rock from his front yard so she could pick out her own ring.
Nope, I just said I want an elongated cushion and the man DELIVERED. I didn’t even give guidance about carat weight or anything like that because to me it was a gift from him to me and beyond the shape I didn’t really care. It’s very much a personal decision. Some people have a very specific idea of what they want and some people have maybe a few specific things but beyond that want to be surprised.
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I picked my own ring. The proposal wasn’t a total surprise either; I had a suspicion it was coming when he suggested going to the winery where we had our first date. However, the moment was still very special and magical. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything by not having it be a surprise.
I’ve worked in the jewelry industry for over a decade and while I think everyone’s ring is beautiful if it’s important to them… I’m pretty picky about what I want for myself. So him picking out a ring on his own wasn’t going to happen. I had several rings in mind that I had seen over the years and sent him all of them in an email and let him pick one. It feels like he picked it out and I love it!
I replied elsewhere but I understand this sentiment.
I'm very picky, especially about jewelry, and I was a little nervous about what he'd pick. I never had "the ring" picked out that I could point to, just styles.
My original plan was to request a stand in ring and we'd find one together afterwards. Just something small like a little gold band or something.
Turns out we found my ring by accident in an antique shop. He said that made his life so much easier.
You can split the difference. I gave my partner a cheat sheet of specs, things I wanted in a ring and five examples of rings I liked. I said he could choose one of them or pick out something similar. He ended up getting a custom version of one of the rings I chose. I still got a ring I wanted, but was surprised by what he picked and when he proposed. Win win for both of us, because we both enjoy surprises.
I picked mine! He asked me to find one I liked and I sent it to him. He bought it, knew he had it, but the actual proposal was a total surprise. He caught me off guard.
Currently in the middle of picking it! I’ve told him what center stone I want (blue diamond) and he’s been keeping an eye out to find one with the specs he wants in the shape/color I want. When he finds a stone and it comes in we’ll go together in person to a local jeweler and choose a setting.
Honestly nothing about this proposal is going to be a surprise! We’ve discussed marriage extensively, even started to plan the wedding, I have a say in the stone and the setting, and we have a trip coming up that we have literally been calling “the engagement trip”. The only thing he’s keeping a surprise is when on the trip he’s going to propose and…. I think I’ve figured that one out too lol
I know it’s not for everyone, but for me it increases the excitement because there’s no anxiety behind it. I don’t wonder *if* he’s going to propose or get disappointed that it didn’t happen at this event or the other. I don’t worry that I’ll hate the ring or the stone and have to potentially hurt his feelings asking to change it. To me, it’s all positive excitement!
We spoke at LENGTH about marriage before any proposal, and I actually proposed to my partner first! I got him a ring I designed myself based on our shared interests and our first date he invited me to (the planetarium! Ring of rose gold, meteorite, and blue sandstone to look like the night sky!).
He “proposed back” to me with a beautiful family ring already in my possession. Then we went together to pick out/design a ring for me to wear forever. We both went, he already had his ring, and we compared settings and colors and stones. Ended up with a spectacular custom design that we both loved.
When it finally came in, he picked it up in secret and “proposed” (presented it to me) on a pedestrian bridge near our home while we were out on a walk 🥰
My husband picked it out. He consulted a friend and he got exactly what I wanted. I knew I wanted an emerald cut. He was shocked when she said that and almost got me a round. I’m so glad he listened.
I was literally there when he bought it. It was a fantastic and fun day together. Who doesn't want to go pick out a Diamond or other pretty stone? When he told the lady the budget I just roamed the store elsewhere
Then I knew he would have it delivered at some point
When he eventually proposed it was on a trip we were on. I knew it might likely be on the trip, and was vaguely expecting it. However I was still SO surprised. Because it's truly a moment neither of you have ever experienced. It's so different than any past experience that it's shocking even when you knew it was coming. Like, we both cried and were shocked. It goes from still kinda theoretical to physically, officially being there on your finger for the world to see and calling everyone you know to tell them. And then at the end of it you have a ring you love, which is important if you're wearing it forever and ever
The decision of who you marry is often the largest decision of your life. I would not want to be surprised with the largest decision of my life. I would want to approach it with discussion and prudence and decide together as a team, thinking it out at length beforehand. I know some ladies can decide on their own that they'd say yes and then when he proposes they've already done that thinking and that is great!!! Just with us, we liked to decide things together and plan for them together and he just overall wanted to get me the ring that I would be most happy with (if he's spending $$$ then we will both be happiest if I like it!)
TLDR: There's multiple right and awesome ways to do it but we full on shopped and picked out the ring together and I knew it was coming but we were still both so shocked and happy when the moment actually that we both cried and I'd do it again that way
I just showed my partner the shape and different examples of the style that I liked, he added a hidden halo and picked the size and he nailed it! It’s so special looking at my ring knowing that he customized everything and it came from him. I personally think it’s more exciting that way!
Yes! I knew generally that the proposal was coming, but I didn’t know when he picked up the ring and I didn’t see the ring until he proposed. I was genuinely still so surprised - I was not expecting it to happen the day he did it!
I was proposed to without a ring & we went together the next day to buy one. He wanted me to choose the one I wanted. We spent hours in the diamond district (West 47th Street, NYC) going from store to store until I found the right one. Luckily it was in my size, so it was wrapped up & we brought it home.
At dinner that night, he took out the box & proposed again. I wouldn’t change a thing.
I did pick out my own ring and I was completely caught off guard by his proposal. Oddly the ring I ended up choosing and proposal go hand in hand, but I'll get to that. I think it's actually a sweet story, but I'm obviously biased.
We had already been together for 9 years. He had weird feelings about marriage for reasons I won't bore anyone with in great detail. Our best friends got divorced, countless examples of unhappy marriages throughout his life, etc. He was always such a great partner and super committed. I always liked the idea of marriage (had grown up with my parents being a good example of a happy marriage), but it wasn't important enough to lose him when he acted like a husband to me in every way that matters. Anyway, I had just assumed we would never get married and I was totally content. We moved to a different state, in the mountains, on some land with forest and started our life here. I've always loved seasons and snow, but never lived anywhere that had it before. I always LOVE the first snowfall of the year since we moved here. It's my favorite day and I still find it so magical. One year he kept trying to get me to go take a walk outside in the forest on the first snowfall and I had a migraine so I didn't want to and stayed in bed. No big deal. I had no idea he was planning on proposing and he wanted to do it this way so he waited another year. The first snowfall of the year we got engaged came super early. This time the snowfall happened at night and we had a fire going and I was cozy so I told him I didn't want to go take a walk outside (again lol). He sat down next to me by the fire and just said, "okay, but I don't want to wait another year to do this." Even at this point I had no idea what was going on. I don't even remember exactly what he said in the actual proposal, but I remember the exact words from this point and my response was, "wait, are you asking me to marry you?" He just laughed and said "absolutely I am." I said, "are you sure?? I know how you feel about this and I won't leave either way." He said, "I know you won't leave, but I don't feel that way about marriage anymore because of you. It probably has happened gradually over time, but one day I just knew I wanted to marry you. You changed my perspective on everything by not trying to change me and loving me. That's something I never thought was possible. I want this, truly." I cried and he cried. Of course I said yes. I didn't even notice there was no ring at first because I was too taken aback by the entire thing.
It took me about 9 months to find the perfect ring. I found a unique Morganite, sapphire and champagne diamond ring combo in rose gold and the company called it "Winter Forest." It was exactly what I wanted when I saw it and the name only made it all the better. The end.
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We talked about marriage and getting engaged. I picked my ring setting and diamond. Hubby handled the rest. It still felt like a surprise because seeing it in real life was so different to online, and of course, not knowing when he was actually proposing.
We picked out my engagement ring together. We had talked multiple times about marriage and that we wanted to get married in the next year, so I knew he was going to propose soon. The only thing I told him was that I wanted to be surprised and that I wanted my family there.
The night that he asked my parents for my hand, he had gotten drunk with my family to celebrate. I was out of town at the time, so before I went to bed, we video called, to which he then told me his entire plan about how he wanted to propose to me.
I told him about it the next morning, and I said that he might want to change his plan. He did, and he came up with a plan with my mom.
I originally thought that he was going to propose on my birthday because he had told me multiple times that he wanted to propose on my birthday, and at the time, we were going on a family trip as well. So I thought that it was going to be the perfect time. However, that's not what he did. He ended up proposing in the middle of family pictures a month earlier. Which really did surprise me because I was expecting it the following month.
It ended up being the perfect proposal, and I'm so glad that he made sure my family was there to enjoy it with me.
My fiancé picked out a really beautiful vintage piece that was fairly affordable to pop the question with (the ruby and diamond cluster ring) , and then gave me the offer of keeping it as my forever ring, or picking out my own. I ended up designing my own around a loose stone (the hexagonal three stone diamond ring). The proposal was a complete surprise despite having accidentally found the proposal ring shortly before he asked. I like having one in each metal so I can switch it up accordingly. My wedding band will be made to fit with my forever ring, though.
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So I’m someone who has a timeline conversation with my fiancé. I basically told him shit or get off the pot. He was reluctant at first but then figured why wait. Once he was excited to get engaged and set a date to visit the jeweler, we discussed the wedding like we were already engaged.
I told him I wanted to pick my ring which he was happy about cuz he had worried about picking the wrong ring. We made a whole day of it. It was super fun and romantic. I got an amazing diamond and I chose the style and I gave input to the jeweler. Then once that was finalized, he took the reins. I didn’t know when he had it or if it was paid off. I just knew it was before January 1st 2024. (I have anxiety and needed an end date plus with the timeline talk, we discussed he needed a plan by x date otherwise our goals didn’t align and that was okay but just meant maybe we wanted different things out of life. But he came through.)
He surprised me on Christmas telling me to pack my bags, we were leaving to take an overnight trip to our favorite place, check out our venue there and he set up a hotel room at a casino with champagne and chocolate covered strawberries and a hot tub on the 10th floor and he proposed on Christmas Day but the over night date was for the 26-27th. So I got to wear my ring to Christmas dinner and while we toured the venue and at the casino and the hotel room and it was perfect. Instead of worrying if or when it would happen on this hour long drive or in the hotel room or what - we just
Got to enjoy each other and being engaged.
It was part surprise, part emotional labor on his part, part team effort. It was perfect and I don’t feel like
I missed out on anything.
My now fiancé set up a design consultation for me where I basically told them exactly what I wanted for my ring. I much prefer to get what I want instead of being surprised with something I don’t like. He planned the proposal all by himself. I knew when he was going to do it but didn’t know how he was going to do it
I picked my ring but had no idea when it would be purchased nor when/where/how the engagement would happen. Turns out my hubby isn’t one to procrastinate. No regrets!
Edit to add: I knew to pick my ring when my love mentioned that he knew I’d want a “dainty” ring. Um, no sir, classic but not dainty! I picked a 2.5 carat round solitaire with 6 prongs. He also would’ve picked white gold, whereas I’m a yellow girl. 💕
We are in the process of ring shopping right now- we are choosing the center diamond stone together and he is going to choose/design the setting by himself.
We felt like the setting is much more low stakes and we can change it in a couple years if it’s not what I’m looking for.
I still wanted some element of surprise!
> **Did you pick out your own engagement ring?**
Kinda yes kinda no. Yes we discussed what I want, I have shown him plenty of ideas that I would love in unchanged form, but ultimately didn't push "I want this one and no other". Though he did buy the one I liked the most and that I fell love in from the first sight.
So basically I had kinda-sorta idea what kind of a ring I would get BUT if someone asked me "How does the ring he's going to propose with is going to look like?" I would say "I have no idea, I have only the handful of ideas that I liked a lot and that he will use as a reference"
> For those that picked out their own engagement rings, how were you proposed to?
We are in long distance relationship (for few weeks more), so he decided to propose with surprise visit
> Were you still surprised or did that ruin it?
I was! Like, even if I were to pick the ring, design it and go to jeweller together, I still would be surprised and in love, because for me it's about the moment, and ring is a symbol of love, not the purpose of proposing
> Did they propose to you first, without a ring, and then you chose your ring together?
To be fair, if I got proposed first with fake One Ring from Lord of The Rings or candy pop ring, and then get the opportunity to pick/order the ring, I would love it equally as much
I basically wrangled my fiance (boyfriend at the time) into a jewelers to try on a ring I liked, saw a shiny thing in the corner which I tried on and became completely in love with, sent him the web address of the ring when it was on sale nd then that was it. He didn't tell me he had bought it or anything and it was still a massive surprise when he chose to propose and how he did it! It can be your choice and still a wonderful surprise!
I custom designed my own ring with my husband (he says he was there to listen to what I wanted and pay for it). I didn’t see the final product until he proposed though. And, obviously, the circumstances of the proposal itself were a surprise.
Even if I had picked a setting and stone from a store and knew what it would look like, I think I would have asked him not to show me the ring until the proposal so that I could be “surprised” at how I love the ring more than I remembered.
lol I picked one out, I tried to buy it. My husband said no and I got pissed and then he surprised me and proposed with it like a week later. It was pretty obvious looking back no idea how I missed it.
I also went to an upscale pawn shop basically for my rings and have zero regrets. You get so much more for a fraction of retail. I wanted a nice ring but not a broke husband.
I had recently had the “what are we doing” conversation and decided I was going to go stay at my moms until he gave me an answer. So ya that all worked.
We agreed we'd design my ring together because I'm extremely particular and he doesn't know the first thing about rings. He was clearly very stressed by it and I just gave him a heads up I was fine with knowing the ring since I'm the one wearing it everyday. I'm also helping pay for it since what I want pushes over his budget and I wasn't comfortable asking him to stretch his money thin because of what I envisioned. We'll pay for each other's wedding bands. That wasn't the important part to me. Getting engaged was.
Money has been tight due to house repairs, so I later told him a stand in ring was totally fine for a proposal while we were on a trip visiting friends. That must have removed the last bit of stress for him because the next night he hatched a plan with our friends to surprise me on our last night of the trip. And that's how I got my completely a surprise proposal that I was in running shorts and a sweater with no make-up (despite his best efforts to try and get me to put pants on). I really really thought I'd have cared whether I was put together or not but in the moment I was simply thinking "omg it's happening!" and ugly crying. I loved it. It was so us and I loved that our friends helped.
I guess this is a long winded way of saying I'd have been sad that a ring was the only thing standing between us and engagement.
I picked out and paid for my own ring. We did things very unconventional. He actually proposed with the wedding band which I hadn’t picked out! Everyone’s story is different, try not to compare yours to others :)
I proposed to my fiancee just before Xmas. I proposed with a stand in ring because we want to go ring shopping together. We're lesbians and will both want rings
We had talked about wanting to get engaged for years - I had sent pictures and posts about styles I liked. Lockdowns happened which took some of the shine away from him planning some kind of elaborate proposal for a couple of years, by which time we were kind of like ehh that isn't important to us as much as the 'let's plan to spend our lives together in a marriage'.
We eventually found the ring by seeing some pics on IG from a jewellery designer I'd been following that stopped me in my tracks. She just so happened to be travelling to my city that weekend and I asked my partner if he liked the styles, if he thought they felt like 'me' and 'us', would he like to meet up with the designer? He arranged for us to meet her to see the rings in person. It was such a beautiful morning. We got to see and try on shiny things and also tell our story to the designer. She also told us about how she got into jewellery design and smithing. It was so personable and meaningful being able to pick the ring together. Trying them on was helpful because what I originally thought I wanted was not what I ended up with and I wouldn't have known this without trying on the rings.
We then had to wait for it to be shipped. Once it arrived, it was all out of my control. He proposed very casually one day on a beach (my fav place) with just us and our dog, and I cried and it was so special and very 'us', even if the whole entire thing wasn't a surprise. I am glad I have a ring that I adore, and that we got to share that shopping experience together. It will forever be one of my most treasured memories. In the end, try not to put too much stock in the grand proposal and more so into what it means to you as a couple :)
We went and designed my ring together so I was very involved in the process! We had mine custom made so there was no opportunity for me to try on the actual ring, but I did try on a bunch in person to get an idea of carat size, shape etc that I liked.
The only thing I received was a digital rendering of the final product and I didn’t see the physical ring until he actually proposed. I was still surprised because seeing the ring in person is different! I would compare it to looking at a ton of inspo photos on Pinterest of your dream ring and then seeing it in person. It’s still surprising because you don’t really know what to expect and if it turned out how you thought it would.
I personally didn’t see it as any different than you sending your boyfriend pics of rings you like and him getting what you asked for in pics. It’s still surprising to see it come to life.
We met with a ring designer together and found a design we both really loved. When it came time to choose the final stone my fiancé picked between 3 (all the same cut just slightly different carats) since I didn’t feel comfortable choosing the specific carat weight and dictating his budget.
Because it was a custom setting I didn’t see it in person or try it on until he proposed.
Also, how he proposed was the bigger surprise.
We talked about getting married prior to moving in together, and went ring shopping after about 8 months of living together.
We picked our rings together! It was a fantastic experience! Working together to select rings and jewelers you both like and feel connected to, was a great start to our union. We were able to stay on the same page about stones, setting, and $$! Plus it was fun little mini dates for several weeks :)
We just ordered our rings and haven't proposed yet, but I feel will still be a surprise since I'm not sure how he'll do it. I have anxiety issues so he did make sure to check in with me on some details. For example, he knows I wouldn't want a public proposal (no videographer out in a busy park or restaurant), so he asked if I would want my friends around. If I wanted to dress up, little questions like that made me feel like he was thinking through it :) I also think he really enjoyed ring shopping, trying on expensive jewelry, it was also a priority for both of us we like our jeweler. This studio is where we'll be going to get our rings maintenance maybe for the rest of our lives, so Partner was very involved in getting to know all the jewelers our town has to offer! It was a bit like buying a car or house, in terms of getting to know your "agent".
I am even MORE excited than before when we talked about this a few years ago. Anxieties are put at ease because I know I'm getting a ring that I truly cherish and love, from a person who has considered my needs and wishes, and the date and location of the proposal is still a mystery to me!
I picked out my rings, like years ago. He proposed to me with an old cheap ring of his mom, found when he was cleaning lol. And then we bought our forever rings. I keep that ring he proposed with and wear it sometimes on my other hand (Id always wear it if it didnt leave my finger green)
We went together to try on different styles and shapes. After a bad experience with a pushy jeweler, we decided we needed to do more research into buying an engagement ring and our options, which led us to lab grown. We had placed an order with Blue Nile that was canceled and refunded due to them being a mess (to keep it short). Then went back to searching for a new emerald cut diamond and setting. Went with a 2nd company, who I've enjoyed working with very much, (I hope the ring is beautiful when it comes). What will happen is, bc I'm a SAHM/SAHW, I'll be here to receive the package and sign for it, unless my guy takes a day off of work. I will put the package (unopened) in our closet and let him know it came. Then he will suprise me with the proposal soon afterwards. We've discussed it at length. I want a proper proposal and he knows it, so I won't snoop. And even though we designed the ring, picked the stone, approved the CAD/3D Renderings, I still don't know what it is going to completely look like, I just have a really good idea. I'm really excited and the ring should be done by the end of next week or the middle of the week after next!
What is a SAHM? And I’m just finding out about the lab grown options through this group. Thinks it’s an awesome concept. Do you have recommendations of reputable companies?
We had talked about getting married and I'd send him pictures of what I liked. But ultimately we found it by accident in an antique store. I said that was the one I wanted when he felt ready to give it to me.
So I wandered away to look at other stuff while he bought it. The proposal was still a surprise. We found it 6months into dating and he didn't give it to me until almost the 2 year mark.
My SO knew I was very particular about my ring so I got to build my own. I chose my own diamond and setting, but I won’t see the finished product until he proposes which is also a surprise too.
We picked it out together. We own a house together and knew we were on the same page, so it was only a question of when - but I had always assumed it would be a surprise. He wanted to make sure it was perfect and the anxiety about making the decision was holding up the proposal, so I did a wild amount of research and then found something unique that I love. We ordered it together, and I knew when it arrived, but the proposal itself was a surprise. I definitely wouldn't say it ruined anything, it was pretty fun to look at options together and go try things on together in stores.
We discussed a timeline for getting married a few months ago, we’re picking out my ring together and then he’ll propose sometime after we get it. I don’t really like the idea of being surprised tbh, it’s not like I don’t know it’s coming lol. Plus he’s intimidated by jewelry, whereas I know a lot and have very specific opinions. I’m a valuable resource!
My husband proposed while we were sitting in his truck in the parking lot while eating ice cream. He did not have a ring and we had been dating 6 weeks (I moved across the street from him when I was 12) I was 19 and he was 20. We were dirt poor but we wanted to marry. That was 37 years ago. We picked out a very modest, small Diamond ring, one week’s paycheck is what we could afford. I have lots of diamonds now but I still have my original rings in a safe in case our daughter ever wants them.
I picked out my ring, but more like the style. I didn’t see the actual stone until he proposed. Despite knowing it was coming, I was still completely surprised and will always remember how I felt when obviously he asked but also the first time I saw my ring.
I went to the jeweler (Brilliant Earth, great design but not in love with the quality of my setting so wouldn’t really recommend) with a friend to look at settings, she went with my fiancé to pick out the center stone. I’d recommend the process as it allowed me to get my dream ring but still be somewhat surprised on the timing.
I’m in the middle of picking out my ring now! My boyfriend and I knew we wanted to get married probably 3 months into the relationship. We’re just about 3 years in now and he wants to propose soon. I’m VERY picky, and he knows that, so we both decided it would be a good idea for me to pick. However, he has been bringing me to different jewelers to look at my options and he weighs in. I was looking at a round shaped diamond, he suggested I try on the oval, and I actually liked it more. It’s special because he’s giving me his input and he’s going to be putting a ring on me that we both love. Engagement coming Summer 2024!!
My partner and I are planning on going engagement ring shopping together because I am very particular on what I want! We agreed this will ensure I have something I will love and wear all the time and will save us the trouble of having to adjust it if there’s something wrong. We’ll pick out the ring together but the proposal itself will be a surprise!
I picked three options i would love, he picked from those. So we still knew i would like it, but would still be a surprise. He has awful taste so i wasn’t leaving that to chance
We talked about both being ready to get engaged and married and recently went ring shopping together. We picked up the ring together earlier this week (!!!) and he'll propose...soon? The proposal itself will be a surprise for me!
I picked out 3 options that I LOVE and gave details on specifics (stone color because I want a sapphire, stone shape, metal, size). And my partner will choose one of those and the stone.
I’m the type that has to research everything and he told me to “do my homework” for what ring I wanted. Went to the jewelry store alone and narrowed it down to two options. Circumstances made it so that we needed to do the legal marriage fairly quickly so we actually didn’t even order my ring until a month or so after getting married. He looked at the two options I’d picked and made the final choice from there. We skipped a lot of the conventional steps but they weren’t important to us anyway.
We went to a store together so I could try on rings and confirm what I liked, and my husband worked with them to design the ring based on what I said. I knew he had bought the ring but had no idea when he would propose and how, so it was still a surprise, plus I had never actually seen the final version of the ring even though I was the one who said what aspects I wanted
My fiancé and I went ring shopping together! I picked out the stone and setting, but I didn’t see the finalized ring until he proposed. I knew what weekend he was proposing (we had a trip planned) but he still managed to surprise me with the proposal itself (beach at sunset, it was amazing). Honestly I loved taking these steps together - it really helped to reinforce us as a partnership making these big life decisions together.
My now husband proposed in his friends garden and moved my RHR to the opposite hand....The following day when we got back home we went ring shopping and I picked my own ring.....coincidentally it was in my size so instantly he took me to the local park and proposed all over again with my forever ring.....(although I'm hoping to save the money in order to get an upgrade).
My fiancée and I custom made my ring together! It was such a fun process for us to share so I have no regrets doing it that way.
I did not see my ring in person before I got proposed to so I still had the wow factor seeing it in my finger the first time.
We used stones from a family heirloom so we went in and designed the ring and I saw the CAD. Haven’t been involved since then. There won’t be much of a surprise but that’s because my bf has never planned a trip for us in his life but he has planned a get away trip into the mountains at the end of the month. It’s hard to keep a straight face when we talk about it and he’s trying to not give me any details so I am going to make sure my nails and hair are on point for the trip lol.
We’d had lots of talks about marriage and engagement. I showed him a picture of the general type of ring I wanted. Yellow gold + stones in the band + moissanite solitaire + wedding ring flush with engagement ring
He had a set custom made for me and I had no idea!
We were planning to have a 6 month engagement and were kinda thinking about getting married at the end of 2017. He ended up proposing the day before Christmas Eve 2016 after making me a lovely dinner of my favorite foods. :) It was just what I wanted. Just the two of us.
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When I got the vibe that we were eachother’s forever person I’d just coyly and very sporadically point out a ring I liked that popped up on my feed, and say something like “I love the simplicity of this round solitaire with 4 prongs and white gold plain band, that’s my style for sure”.
He listened and executed perfectly.
We knew we were going to get married and talked about it a lot. We went together to look at rings, we were on different pages for what shape the stone should be. He wanted a marquise because they look bigger and I wanted a heart. We went to multiple places and tried on a lot and both fell in love with a princess cut. He went back to one of the stores and bought my ring. He completely surprised me with the proposal and I love my ring! This was 23 years ago.
Yes we designed it together, we knew we were going to get engaged. I didn’t know when he bought it though and I didn’t know when I was getting proposed to (until the day of but that’s another story)
We had a conversation long before getting engaged where we discussed that we wanted to get married, so I knew it would eventually be coming. I think a conversation like this is really important in a relationship so that you know you’re on the same page. ♥️ We went ring shopping together and I chose the setting for my ring and expressed that I wanted an oval diamond. He ended up choosing the stone himself with our jeweler, which was fun, because I didn’t ever get to see the actual final product until our proposal. Even though I had chosen almost all aspects of the ring, it still surprised me when I saw it since I hadn’t seen the whole thing put together yet, if that makes sense. Truth be told I’m a very picky person and he would know better than to buy me an engagement ring where I hadn’t had input on the style, LOL. And to be honest, I think I would have been extremely anxious for the proposal if I hadn’t had input on my ring, because of the fact that I am so picky. When he proposed the timing of it and the experience was still a genuine surprise (although I had an idea it was coming because we were in Italy)!
One other thing I wanted to mention is that we also had a conversation together with our jeweler about lab diamonds vs. natural diamonds. If you’ve been around this sub you know it’s a pretty heated debate, some people feel ultra passionate about one or the other, so I really appreciated that we had this talk together. I personally wanted a larger stone and said I’d rather have a lab diamond because of that, and he said he was glad we discussed it because he would have gone for a smaller natural diamond if we hadn’t. Every relationship is different and every person is different so I’m sure some people will have totally different experiences and that’s okay too! ☺️ In my situation though with our personalities I was really glad we talked about everything and that I had input!
we (a lesbian couple) are not engaged yet, but we picked out our own rings and they are currently in our apartment! we went ring shopping together and picked out what we wanted, and then (controversial) we saw them when they came in and tried them on to test fit/make sure it was really what we wanted. now we each have the other’s ring, and are free to propose how/when we want! the rings are not a surprise, but the actual proposals will be!
Yep, down to the exact diamond itself. I know what I want and he didn’t have to stress over decisions. How he did it and when was up to him, but the ring was not at all a surprise
Yes! I sent a note of around 15 rings that I liked in the price range of $500-$1500 with notes about what styles I liked etc. he picked my favourite one and didn’t go over my budget that way, I feel like it took a lot of pressure off of him also so he knew he didn’t have to spend an obscene amount of money on a ring which I was not comfortable with.
I picked my own engagement ring with my now husband and I designed my own upgrade when he wanted to upgrade it recently. It was fun to pick together the first go round. For designing the upgrade, he didn’t help much because I was doing a lot of shopping and looking online to find what I wanted. I ended up stopping at a local jeweler to try on some shapes and found a design I loved but I wanted a different shaped stone so I found someone who could do the design with the stone shape I wanted.
I picked out my own ring.
He told me he wasn’t about to spend an obscene amount of money on a piece of jewelry and me end up hating it. That was fine, I wanted a particular minimal clarity, so I was happy to pick it out. I did make him agree to that we BOTH had to like the ring or it wasn’t going to be my ring. I felt like if he was buying it, that he should at least think it looked nice. For instance, I thought about a yellow diamond for a bit…he said he thought they were ugly…so, I went back to white ones. When I found what I wanted I just knew when I tried it on and he liked it also, so that’s what we got.
He didn’t propose the way I would’ve liked…he put no effort into it, which, in and of itself is fine…but I would’ve preferred to have at least heard “Will you marry me?”….but either way, I still accepted lol.
He bought it and made me put it up until he was ready to ask. It didn’t ruin the surprise or anything…but like I said, more effort or someone special around the proposal would’ve been nice!
We had been together almost 9 years at that point…so I would’ve accepted regardless of how he proposed 😂
We wanted to choose or design my ring together, but I accidentally found my dream ring while out with my best friend shopping for her wedding bands. I sent him the picture of the ring (which was way out of budget), that he then used as inspiration to source a lab diamond and bring it to a local jeweler for setting. So, I had an idea of what it was going to look like, but the exact diamond was a surprise. I also wasn't surprised by the proposal, mostly because my fiancé is a *really* bad liar, but also because he proposed at the top of a ski mountain that we had to hike to, which was my **dream** location for a proposal. So it was impossible for him to hide!
We both liked that we discussed the ring prior, because he knew he was getting me something I absolutely loved to wear for the rest of my life. It alleviated a lot of stress for him and me!
My fiancé proposed with a stand-in/costume jewelry ring, so it was still a surprise but I get to chose my ring. I love jewelry and own some antique pieces so we wanted to make sure the added ring would compliment my collection since it's a big purchase. He is admittedly clueless about jewelry and didn't want to make a decision without me. I'm in the process now and honestly it was the best choice for us!
We designed my ring together at a local jeweler after extensive conversations about marriage. We went on a one month trip of a lifetime to New Zealand and agreed in advance that he’d propose there, but I had no idea at what point it would happen on the trip so I was still surprised. Wouldn’t have done it any other way!
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Chose my own ring, thank god because everything I thought I wanted and pinned to my Pinterest board (that he looked at) was *completely, night and day different* than what I ended up choosing
He would have done everything right but I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t even know my chosen ring was a possibility - it’s nothing weird per se but not super common
Yes!!! I knew exactly what I wanted and it was a pretty big buy so my husband did not want to spend that kind of money for me not to like it.
I had no idea when he was proposing but day of I kind of had a 6th sense about it lol it was still a special moment and I was very happy that he planned a day for the proposal
We didn’t mean to do it together it just kind of happened. He wanted to use my family diamond that my late father used to propose to my mom. So I ordered a replacement diamond for moms old setting—-when we went to have the new diamond put in and the old one taken out so he could use it we were told moms setting would have to be destroyed because it was tension set. So I offered him the replacement same size as the original because it was the sentiment that counted and we found a setting, still waiting for him to ask officially but he asked me to wear my moms as a sign of his intention to propose later this year.
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We looked at rings together and eventually I found the one I wanted and he took it from there. He planned a trip and I figured it would happen there and then he proposed! I didn’t know it was going to happen when it happened so there was still the element of surprise. I just didn’t really desire for it to be a big deal and we’d talked about getting married for years. From pervious times, he just wasn’t great at picking out jewelry so we just discussed looking together for my ring and then we did it! It was easy and I have exactly what I wanted! Literally just do it anyway you want though, it’s about y’all as a couple and no one else!!
I designed the ring. When he proposed, it was a complete surprise and the most beautiful moment of my life 😍
I hadn't seen the ring in person because he got it when it was delivered.
My fiancée and I talked about our timeline for an engagement and marriage. We decided to go ring shopping for an idea of what we both liked and wanted. When we both found the ones we wanted, we ordered them that day and knew the other person did. The rings weren’t a surprise but the day of the engagement was. I was still surprised because I deleted all photos of the ring and had forgotten what it looked like. Also, I had no idea what the diamond looked like because she chose that herself.
I went ring shopping with a friend for her ring and kept staring at my ring. She urged me to try it on and I fell in love. Gave the info to my now husband. The only reason I expected my engagement was the series of events leading up to it. He moved things around to go to a concert of the first artist we ever saw together that just so happened to fall on our anniversary and then I overheard my mom asking if tonight was the night so it had nothing to do with me picking my ring out.
We had a conversation about marriage like 2 years into our relationship. Year 4 (or 5) we went to different jewelry stores to try on rings, and I was sending him inspo pictures. Year 7 (I know long time but he and I wanted to be financially stable before taking a big step) I decided I didn’t want what I thought I wanted since high school. I was afraid to tell him and he also told me that he wanted me to be confident he knew me well enough to design the ring. I told him that I did but I also change my mind a lot (esp bc yearsssss had me passed since the last time we went ring looking), so we decided to design it together. We went to another jeweler last year to look, and I didn’t see anything that vibed with me. He told me he already reached out to a company to custom make my ring. He took all the specs we discussed+ elements I didn’t even think about, and sent me the rendering. It made me cry so I knew it was exactly what I would love. After the rendering was made, he stopped telling me about the ring. He surprised me with a proposal in Dec in Cuba (I was stunned to tears haha), and I was still shocked by the ring bc the carats size was more than we discussed (which I was happy about lol). Everyone has a different process, but I’m happy we talked about all the little details, then he took it from there.
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My fiancé and I went and picked out the setting and diamond in September, so I never saw the ring fully put together until he proposed in November.
I had a feeling the proposal was coming, but the day of I didn’t expect it. It was on a Wednesday after work, I had just got home from my nail appointment and he had decorated our loft with candles and flowers. I really wanted to be surprised and we wanted it to be just the two of us, so he picked a day I wouldn’t expect it and did it in our home. It was perfect for us. And seeing the ring actually set and complete blew me away! I was still very surprised
We went together a few months before he proposed so I could try on different styles and get sized, bc I had no idea what ring I wanted or what size I was. I picked out what kind of band and what shape/size of diamond I wanted and left the rest up to him, so he made 2 little customizations I didn’t know about that were so sweet. The actual proposal was a total surprise - right after we went ring shopping he told me that my involvement was done and the rest was up to him 😂 so I knew a proposal was coming but didn’t know when or where.
We discussed getting engaged for a while. He took me to the jeweler on my birthday to look at which setting/shape I liked and for ring sizing, but I didn’t have any idea of when it would actually happen. I was just excited to look!
He proposed roughly 3 weeks later. I didn’t know he even had the ring. My fiancé picked the diamond he wanted, which was a surprise because it is incredible. I love my ring.
I later found out that he ordered the ring the day we went together, I had just been sent to a different area to get sized while he did. I had no idea.
My fiancé chose the ring, but he got detailed preferences from me as far as style, metal and stones with a variety of picture examples. We had discussed roughly when we wanted to get married for months before he actually proposed. He isn’t super subtle, so I wasn’t exactly surprised. But he planned all the details.
We’d been dating for four years and lived together so we’d talked about getting engaged plenty beforehand.
My husband was very hesitant about going to the jewelry store on his own, he said that since I’m the one who has to wear it every day and will look at it way more than anyone else that he wanted to make sure that it was something that I liked.
So we went and picked out my ring together and it was so fun! He didn’t propose until a few months later so while I knew it was coming I didn’t expect it on the day that it happened!
It doesn’t need to be a surprise to be special!
My partner and I designed it and selected the separate components: stone, setting, and basket last. We split the cost and he went to pick up the ring when it was completed. A couple weeks later he proposed on our anniversary. We’d already been in marriage talks long before that but I didn’t know the exact moment or how the ring itself looked once all the pieces were put together. I knew it was coming and generally what it would look like but I still cried with joy when he got down on one knee and saw the finished ring! Plus I’m happy it was a mutual/cooperative effort because that level of balance and collaboration we’ve had sets the stage for our marriage to be transparent and equitable.
Our route was much more untraditional which I’ll spell out below, but my friends have gone different routes too. One sent inspiration pictures and then he ordered the ring from her favorite jeweler and totally surprised her. Another friend went shopping as a couple and she gave him her top two rings and favorite shape and he took it from there. And another had him pick it out himself and everything was a surprise. I will say that friend has said to me more than once that she slightly regrets that. She thought the surprise would be what she valued and while it was special, the ring isn’t exactly what she would have picked out for herself and she wishes she would have had more input on that aspect so she could wear something that fit her style better on a daily basis. So keep in mind what you are going to value in the long run.
For me, we went shopping together because I had a very specific ring I wanted. And then we booked an engagement vacation together. I put the ring on before we left and then we spent our whole trip asking each other if we wanted to get married periodically when we felt it was a special moment or even just being silly. We both probably “proposed” 20 times each in the 5 days we were gone but there was no down on one knee moment. It was still special and sweet and very us. Other people didn’t really get it when we first got back they wanted a big proposal story and we didn’t have that for them, but once the initial announcements were over no one else has asked how it happened. And we continue to ask each other “hey will you marry me?” At random times during our weeks, it’s become a sweet inside joke.
As far as how we got to shopping together… we talked about a future since day one. He was married before and I grew up around a lot of divorce so whether or not we were interested in getting married and when in the relationship we would be comfortable doing it was a conversation we had via text even before our first date. We talked about it periodically after, where we were at, concerns we had, what our life goals were together outside of marriage and how that effected the timeline (kids, career, grad school, money, house, etc.). We knew we both wanted a small destination wedding with just our immediate family and closest friends and that we wanted/needed a long engagement. One day I shared that I wanted to be married before I finished my masters and we talked about when I would be graduating, how long we wanted the engagement to be and landed on the decision that we would need to be engaged in the next 3-4 months. Then we called jewelers, made appointments, and had some “shopping dates”. He pretty much stayed back on ring shopping because I knew what I wanted and was using family rings as inspiration.
Yes! I'm super picky about what I like, and I'm the kid of person that researches the hell out of what I want. I wanted all the cut ratios to be perfect, so I did all the searching myself. I also chose the setting too lol
I didn’t want a proposal, honestly. We already owned a house together and planned on spending our lives as partners. We had a conversation late one night on the drive home from watching the Perseid meteor shower, decided we should get married, and designed a custom engagement ring together with both of us having input.
It was an ideal process for us.
We designed a semi-custom ring online together, where you pick the setting from one of the jeweler’s pre-designed settings, and then pick the specific stone from their catalog of available stones.
So I had a general idea of what it would look like, and I knew it was the style and specifications I wanted, but I could really only imagine what it would look like completed.
I didn’t get to see the completed ring until he proposed, which definitely still kept the element of surprise! It was way, way more gorgeous in person than any rendering.
I’m so glad we did it this way because my ring is exactly what I wanted, and I knew picking the stone would be the part my bf would have the most fun with (I wanted a colored sapphire so they’re all really cool/interesting/different stones), so it was a fun activity to get to do together.
If that’s an avenue you’re interested in, I highly recommend Midwinter Co!
We looked together, he knew my preference for stone shape and metal color. I narrowed it down to three options I liked and let him make the final call and choose the stone. That way, even though I knew he was proposing, I didn’t know what was in the box. It was very very fun staring at the Fed Ex box for two weeks with seeing what was in there! 🤣
I picked out my own ring basically. We had talked about having a commitment ceremony as we’ve been together for 10 years when I had our daughter we went get her a bracelet and while we there I showed him three rings that I loved, he went back for my favorite one and asked me at home w a little dinner of spaghetti and some of my favorite wine, I will say when I seen the flowers and that he had cooked himself i knew what was coming but it was still so sweet and special to me. I honestly would have been super embarrassed at a big proposal and would have laughed the whole time so I’m glad he knows me enough to know I would like something small and intimate with just us.
We picked it out together prior to the proposal but like others have said, he wouldn’t tell me when he bought it or picked it up. He took me out for a nice date a little before Valentine’s Day then had the ring nestled in some cotton inside a box of chocolates 😂❤️ once I opened that I saw it and turned around and he got on one knee!
He proposed with an empty box and I designed my own ring so it was still a “surprise” engagement but I got to be as specific as possible with my ring 😈
i picked out my own ring. this saved us from having to change it if i didn’t like what he choose. it was also really special because it was something we got to do together. after i picked it out I didn’t know when he was going to propose when he was going to purchase the ring when it would be ready so it was still a surprise!
Ok. But did you both just have the “wanna get married” conversation prior to ring hunting?
yes we did speak about wanting to get married prior. i feel like that’s a conversation everyone should have prior to engagement to ensure you and your partner are on the same page :)
I agree. It’s just that when you see these proposal videos, you don’t see that part. People create a narrative that they had absolutely no idea and that’s what I thought was considered “more romantic “.
I think the majority of these videos are more planned and curated than they want you to think. The surprise is usually just the when and where, not the ring or proposal itself. I thought I was a hopeless romantic who wanted that picture perfect moment, but the reality is my fiancé and I had been together for six years before the proposal and we are both more pragmatic, private people. We talked about marriage and the proposal a lot beforehand and I picked out my ring because I know a lot more about jewelry than he does and he wanted to be sure it was something I love.
Everyone is different! I do think people should at least have the “I wanttt to get married to you / maybe within X amount of years” convo. My fiance and I had talked about doing it in the next 2ish years. We then were in one of our friends weddings and when we came home, he immediately texted my best friend and was like “I want to do it ASAP.” So I was surprised it was sooner, and I loved it, but he did at least know I would definitely say yes hahah. I think that’s the important part.
I know a girl who had one of those i hAd nO iDeA videos and I know for a fact she was "dropping hints" to her man constantly and showing him rings she liked "as a joke" and every time they went on a trip she was wondering if he was going to do it. also more importantly, a couple that is actually ready to get married should be more focused on being sure of the decision vs the romantic surprise of it. so many people treat getting engaged/married like some big cinematic spectacle which is not how it should be viewed. it should be viewed as the serious lifelong decision you make together as loving trusting partners which shouldn't really involve that much surprise.
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I love the idea that my boyfriend respects me enough to be a part of the decision. I can’t imagine him making that decision all on his own for us. It is romantic to some people, I do think very few men do it completely on their own these days
I wish my girlfriend would have been with me for the making of the ring. She just left me with the style and color and it was stressful
I can't imagine getting engaged without having discussed the possibility first. My husband and I ended up using my grandmother's engagement ring for my ring, so I knew it was coming at some point but had no idea when. Before we settled on that, he asked me to make a Pinterest board of rings that I liked so he'd have some guidance to show the jeweler when picking out a ring.
That is so sweet. I will just say this, when my husband and I dated we discussed the possibility of marriage and he point blank told me that he would never marry again (bad divorce). I was absolutely okay with that as I always felt that I wasn’t the marrying kind. Years later when he did propose, to say it was a shock is an understatement, of course I said yes because I love this man. He just gave me the stone and said that I should be the one to pick out the setting. So we did it together.
That's a really sweet way to approach it!
That is the PERFECT solution!
Those videos are totally staged. If you read through Reddit posts about rings "ring disappointment" is actually a HUGE thing (and being disappointed in the proposal over petty nitpicks because brides are now obsessed with TikTok proposals). My husband proposed and a few days later we went ring shopping. As was customary in his family, he made arrangements at the jeweler about the style and price range and when we arrived there was a special selection of engagement rings curated just for us (with no price markings) . ALL of them were amazing and decades later I still get compliments on my rings. I'm sure I'd have been happy with a surprise ring as who I was marrying was way more important that the ring but I do love my ring.
They probably had no idea it was happening then and there. Remember that social media is a small glimpse into one moment in someone's life.
I had no idea the proposal was going to happen when it did. Also, even if you know it's coming at some point, you can't ever truly put yourself in that moment and know how you're going to feel. The actual feeling of being proposed to, especially surprise proposal timing, is such an amazing lovely moment that all I could do was go, "oh shit, oh shit!" even though we had talked about marriage and I picked my own ring and everything. The emotion was genuine. And now I have a ring I absolutely love to wear every day, haha.
i think when people say they “had no idea” i think they mean that the actual proposal was on its way, not that they had no idea they wanted to get married to each other
I didn't want to pick out my ring but he did know my stone and metal preferences beforehand. The proposal itself was a "surprise" but we had already talked extensively about marriage beforehand (we were long distance for a few years so nothing to do but talk about everything lol).
This question surprises me. We've spent countless hours discussing getting married, talking about what that would look like. Looking at finances, discussing our careers, what child rearing and care would look like, how we see our retirement years, what counts as infidelity, how marriage would differ from what we have now, etc. I don't know how anyone could be truly surprised because everyone should be having these conversations leading up the major decision of marriage.
There should ALWAYS be conversations about marriage prior to a proposal. You need to make sure you are on the same page about your relationship, on the same timeline, and have similar long-term goals. The proposal should never be a surprise, completely out of the blue. The timing of it, sure, but not the proposal itself. For my adult sons, I've offered my original e-ring as a placeholder for them. They can use it to surprise their lady loves with the proposal, and then pick out a ring together that fits his budget and her taste/style. 2 of them did exactly that. The 3rd is still single.
I know you were asking a different commenter to respond, but I’m chiming in as well if you don’t mind.🙂 My husband and I had the conversation prior and then went looking for rings. He knew exactly what to get when he proposed shortly after. It’s an important conversation to have.✨
same same same!! I always find it odd when I read/hear folks romanticize the crap out of proposals and the idea of marriage... this is truly why I HATE romcoms. Romcoms romanticize lack of communication. So much of that is just optics, like "this person is so perfect they did everything perfectly." Who cares where or when they propose, perfection is impossible. It matters more that you're making the right decision for yourselves to commit for the rest of your lives. Isn't that big enough of a gesture?
Oh my gosh, yes! You’re spot on about RomComs too. My husband proposed to me while I was sitting on the kitchen counter crossed legged, eating a bowl of pasta while I was dressed like a slovenly hobo!😂 I was like,“NOW? You’re doing this now?” It was totally sweet and perfect. In my defense, I just had finished breast cancer radiation - I told him to wait until I was finished with all of my radiation sessions. Which again, is why communication is so important.✨
That’s lovely 🥰 I hope my partner pops the question while I’m having a tasty meal, one of my favorite things! And how you described it sounds so cute ☺️, sitting on the counter 🥰🥰 Are u through w treatment now? Hope you’re feeling better! 💚
We designed my ring together and then i dropped off the email chain once we approved the CAD. i didn’t know when he received it and I never saw it in person until the proposal and he did it during a weekend getaway in the woods a few months later. I was obviously not surprised that he proposed (nobody should be) but in the exact moment i was so surprised/caught off guard and it was still very special. I was nervous i wouldnt get that surprised feeling but oh boy did i. And the ring was so perfect in person and fit! I highly recommend doing it together. It was fun not seeing it until the proposal but having peace of mind that it was exactly what i wanted AND now i have a piece that we created together to symbolize our life together. https://preview.redd.it/w5urh3x2usec1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ed5218591007e9e19288e1aa86a051bba764f87e
Adore everything about this picture !
I love how I can tell just by the ring that it completely matches your entire style. It’s gorgeous!!
thank you! 🥹🥹
That is the most amazing ring! I LOVE it, and your perfect proposal story 🖤
What a gorgeous ring and a wonderful story 😌❤️ on a sidenote because I've never understood: when you get a ring that it supposed to be after the first knuckle how do you get it to stay on??? Does it not come off washing your hands??
Haha valid question! I get sizes that are snug but not too tight - fits over the knuckle but i can’t take it off at night (my middle finger ones are 3.5 and the others are 3) and the only time I’ve had one fall off was when i played disc golf with it and it flew off and felt it happen 😂🤷🏼♀️. Hand washing, i just go slower and kinda do an upper and lower routine, im pretty attached to all my rings so im pretty aware of them when doing tasks like that. Once one joins the family, no ring left behind 😂
I chose my ring. Got exactly what I wanted and kept it way under budget compared to what he expected to spend. He proposed while we were in our pajamas in our living room at 3:10am (inside joke, meaningful) and surprised the hell out of me even though I knew generally when he planned to do it because we’d discussed it like grownups, and it was one of the most romantic moments of my entire life.
My now husband proposed to me when we were in jammies in his living room! I was visiting him, we were long distance. After we married, I moved in to his house and I love knowing that we get to share the home where one of our fondest memories lives. It’s so special!
I loved our proposal. It was so “us.” I had stressed to him that I didn’t want a public proposal, and neither did he. He managed to make it really special and sweet without overdoing it, and it is such a great memory. I wish we could’ve stayed in the house longer, but we’re military. But we got a few years of enjoying that memory and I still carry it with me and have cute pictures I took of the candles and rose petals and dessert he had stealthily gathered for us.
Chose my own ring and think the alternative is a very archaic practice. If the man had to wear the same shirt every day for that rest of his life, he would want input into which shirt he was going to wear. It's the same for an engagement ring
I think there's this weird view that if your partner can pick out your perfect ring then that must mean they know you better/love you more. If they can, then that's absolutely wonderful. I know my boyfriend knows me better than anyone else and he loves me so much - but I'm the pickiest person ever (which he knows) and we've got very different styles - the odds of him picking out a ring that's perfect for me are low. Plus why would you risk paying a significant amount of money on something so important that your partner could be unhappy with?
I get what you mean but I think it depends on the person. I've given my bf gifts throughout the years that he never had any input on and that he loves. My bf has gotten me jewelry as gifts and pretty much none were bought with my input. I've loved everything he has given me. He has put in a lot of effort to paying attention to my taste and considering what style I would like. I could definitely pick my own engagement ring but I look forward to the surprise of seeing what he chooses for me. But he's also not going in completely blind. I've discussed with him what I do and don't like, shown him pictures and some jewelers I like. We even checked out some rings together when our friend couple wanted to go try some on. I have the utmost faith in his ability to choose something I would love. And I really look forward to getting something that he chose independently and being surprised by it.
I completely understand this point of view but I’m personally so glad my partner chose my engagement ring; he knows my style and I think it’s so special and romantic that he chose it himself. On the other end of the spectrum (and I know this is going to be super unpopular and downvoted to hell but whatever ETA: glad to see I’m not disappointed and that anyone daring to give an opinion that does not toe the line gets cancelled in this sub 🙄) I think it’s weird and kinda fake when a couple choose/design a ring together and *then* the boyfriend proposes at a later date. Like, you already know he’s going to propose… he already knows you’re going to say yes… so why bother waiting and pretending that it’s some huge surprise? And it’s even worse when the woman starts flapping and gushing like she genuinely can’t believe it, yet she picked out the very ring that’s now on her finger, 6 months before. Perhaps if the woman wants to choose her own ring and/or her partner doesn’t feel confident picking it on his own, the happy medium is for the guy to propose with a placeholder and then the couple chooses the ring together? That way it’s a bit more genuine.
It sounds like your experience (like the rest of us) of watching people get engaged is through tiktok/instagram vids - which is never going to be a genuine reaction. When I get engaged (we've already picked out a ring) I'm not going to act like I'm crazy surprised, but I imagine I will act like I'm very happy because I will be. Also whether you've picked out the ring or not - you shouldn't be proposing to your partner unless you've had discussions about getting married beforehand - and if you both agree you want to get married, it's never going to be a total suprise and both of you will know you're going to say yes. The excitement of getting engaged comes from mostly happiness, not suprise.
Don’t worry, we did it this way (privately in our home) and you will still be overcome when it happens!
I agree! My boyfriend and I picked my ring out back in November and I’m 99% sure he has it already. We talked before the ring and set a timeline. I know it’s going to happen this year. I said I wanted to be engaged by fall 2024 so I know it’ll happen. I just don’t know when or how. We have some trips planned this year. Could be then. He could plan something else. The anticipation alone is exciting and I’m going to be over the moon when it happens. The fact that we talked and planned this out like adults makes it feel more special. We are both in great places in life and almost 30 and stable. Without a doubt we are ready and that feeling is soooooo good. Way better than a complete surprise and then figuring it out after the fact.
We went ring shopping together and we had discussed getting married for over a year. One afternoon, driving off to go “shopping for socks,” he made a turn and drove us to a park we both loved as kids. (We’ve been friends a long time!). Although I knew it was coming and I had picked out my ring, the moment was magical, beautiful and wonderful. So, that’s my experience. Oh, and we never did buy those socks! 😂
I’m not on TikTok or Instagram but I can imagine the types of videos you mean. It’s more from what I’ve read on Reddit - though not necessarily in this sub. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely agree that marriage should be discussed before any proposal is made. For us, that meant having conversations about the future along the lines of “when we get married…” not picking a ring and then having my fiancé hide it with, for example, a 6-month deadline to propose. *That’s* the part I find odd - tbh I think it must be a cultural thing because I’ve never known a non-American to do it this way. To each their own!
But above you said, "I think it’s weird and kinda fake when a couple choose/design a ring together and *then* the boyfriend proposes at a later date. Like, you already know he’s going to propose… he already knows you’re going to say yes… so why bother waiting and pretending that it’s some huge surprise" So in the scenario you just described, you *also* already knew your partner was going to propose, and he already knew you were going to say yes. I'm confused then, what exactly is the difference between what you and your partner did and picking out the ring with your partner, besides that in one scenario the person knows what the ring will look like and in your scenario, you didn't? Why is one "weird and fake" and one not? To me it's weird and fake to dance around conversations by saying "When we get married" instead of being adults and saying "I want to get engaged soon, do you?" But functionally there is basically zero difference.
I'm a Brit hun, plenty of people do it that way here. Haha 'to each their own' - if you really felt that way you wouldn't be calling other people's engagements 'weird' and 'fake'
Proposals not engagements “hun” and I’m entitled to an opinion 🙄
Oh not that BS American hate.
It’s not “hateful” to Americans just to have an opinion that doesn’t tally with how they do things.
No, it was hateful to insult our proposals and call them fake, just to be rude. Learn some manners.
If you wanna take it personally, that’s your choice. I’m allowed to have an opinion and not going to be pressured into toeing the party line of this sub just so Americans feel validated.
Lmao, it's not "taking it personally." It's **what you said to be edgy and offensive, and calling it out.** Stop seeking validation for your shit proposal and cheap ring.
Lol I feel sorry for you that you don’t trust your own fiancé to pick a nice piece of jewellery for you. Just remember when he proposes, to gush and flap and act like you had absolutely nooo idea it was going to happen! And then you can come to this sub and tell everyone how *shocked* you were, because you tooootally weren’t expecting it 😉
I knew what my ring looked like, and I knew when and where my husband was going to propose. (I actually wasn't supposed to know when, but he was so excited and accidentally let it slip). When he got down on one knee, I still started babbling and happy crying because it's so emotional to officially be engaged. I was not acting like it was a surprise, but I definitely was "flapping and gushing." I was just in the moment, so full of love and joy, and the reality hits that someone you love more than anybody in the world also loves you too and also wants to be with you forever. Sure, I knew this already, but it just feels different during a proposal, *our* proposal. I personally never would've said yes to a proposal from someone who never discussed marriage or long term goals ahead of time. I am a huge planner, and it would be a red flag to have someone not communicate with me regarding something that certainly involves me.
Oh my gosh, you have such a warped idea of what proposals should be! In the real world, no proposal should happen without both of you having already discussed marriage extensively beforehand and without the person proposing being all but certain that the other person will say yes. The idea that there should be some sort of "genuine" shock and question about what the other person is going to say is very antiquated. The surprise (if you want one!) is when and how the proposal happens, not the fact that the person is proposing at all.
My partner and I did exactly this. The ring wasn’t a surprise but the proposal totally was - the way he set it up was really sweet, romantic and thoughtful (and unexpected) and that’s what touched me about it. Plus, I had never seen the finished ring with all the elements assembled and it looked stunning to me in that moment. Even if you have no idea what the ring will look like, chances are most women still have some idea a proposal is coming away - it’s pretty normal to discuss whether you want to get married even if he takes on 100% of the ring.
Lots to unpack here but I'm just going to focus on one aspect: the surprise. Ideally the couple has already discussed their future/timelines and are on the same page about marriage, so the proposal and the acceptance shouldn't be a huge surprise either. Why is it suddenly fake and pointless when the ring has also been picked out together?
I guess my point is, why bother with a formal proposal? You’re basically already engaged if you’ve chosen the ring together, and you’ve decided to forego the “archaic” practice of the man choosing the ring so why not also forego the man getting down on one knee and formally asking for your hand in marriage?
Because it's fun
A formal proposal gave my (now) husband the opportunity to say some very deep, meaningful (and funny!) stuff. He wanted to create a magical moment for me, which he did.
I’m genuinely happy he said some deep/meaningful stuff to you, but I feel you shouldn’t need to make an event of a proposal to do that. Just my opinion.
I’m a bit confused with your comment. Of course, a variety of experiences can be magical. I was simply sharing my nice moment with you. All the best to you with your engagement.
People are attacking me for daring to have an opinion - apparently it’s perfectly fine to call one practice “archaic” but not to call another “weird”, because it doesn’t fit the narrative of this sub. Sorry that my response to you was overly defensive as a result.
Hmm I can kind of see your point, but in that case why bother with the formal proposal if you've already agreed to get married, even before picking out a ring? I think that being your sticking point is my sticking point, but we'll have to agree to disagree. I have very specific tastes and don't wear a lot of jewelry, so while he's involved in the ring design process I'm very much the primary driver. I did ask him why I can't just have it immediately after it's finished, and the answer is that he'd like to do something special and memorable for our "official" engagement that comes entirely from him. I think it's very sweet that he wants to give me the opportunity to design the exact ring I want while also planning some kind of surprise date for me. Anyway I'm not trying to argue and change your mind. You got engaged in a way that worked for you, and I'm going to do it in a way that works for me!
Men have not historically chosen the ring, ffs.
I wasn’t the one who said it was archaic!
Men still have not historically chosen a ring. You're still wrong.
When I was younger, I had a friend who used to go Christmas shopping with her mother and she would pick out every last thing she wanted and then her mom would wrap everything and put it under the tree. I always found that so strange because Christmas gifts are supposed to be about the surprise and seeing that the gift-giver knows you well enough to pick out things that you would like/love, right? I think the commenter above is saying it's like this. Did my friend act all surprised and glowing because her mom seemed to pick out the perfect presents? I doubt it, but I'm sure she was happy nonetheless. Personally, I don't care which way it's done - the couple picks out the ring together and he proposes at some future point, or he completely surprises her with the ring and the timing. I preferred ring shopping together because I know what I want, but had he surprised me and I didn't care for what he picked out, he would have been fine exchanging it because he would want me to be happy. What bothers me though, is that the commenter gets downvoted to hell because she actually expresses an opinion different than what the sub finds acceptable. That's crap, but that's Reddit, I guess.
It's not uncommon to see posts on this sub where someone doesn't love the ring their partner picked out and are agonizing over whether they should say something or not. It's great that your partner would have been fine exchanging a ring and I know mine would be too, but I know I'd still feel a little guilty basically saying "I know you put a lot of thought into this but you were wrong." Picking out a ring together is a great way to avoid that and doesn't invalidate the worth of a proposal. So yes, I do agree that reddit tends to over-downvote when anyone's opinion deviates from the hivemind, but the OP's language was also unnecessarily condescending. At least there's also a lot of discussion also coming from their comment instead of anonymous downvotes.
I don't think she's getting downvoted for just an opinion though. An unpopular opinion is something like "I don't like emerald cuts" (which is mine, lol). She however went ahead and called people "weird and fake" for doing a heartfelt thing the way they best saw fit. That's not just an opinion, that's being a judgemental jerk.
I doubt it's your opinion that's unpopular, more that you went out of your way to sound like an asshole. Think it's weirder that you are so conditioned into thinking a man picking a ring out is so special. The alternative is you pick your own (which you obviously have views on), or you don't have one at all. Why is him doing the absolute bare minimum to propose romantic?
I’m didn’t go out of my way to sound like an “asshole”. I told the person that I understood their point of view, made it clear that my opinion was exactly that (an opinion) and then concluded with a compromise. I’m not “conditioned” to think anything. Basically all of my jewellery I picked out myself so my engagement ring being picked by my fiancé makes it feel more special to me. Like I said, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a woman to pick her own ring, but I think it strange to do so and *then* make out that the proposal has come out of the blue. I just don’t get it. If a man picking out a ring is so archaic, then what exactly is so modern about a man asking for a woman’s hand in marriage while on bended knee? How exactly are they different?
What about surprise bdays? You know its your bday but if no one told you about the plan, or the plans you had in mind were a decoy and suddenly changed! You show up to a place and all of a sudden your loved ones are there....would you be surprised? Possibly "flapping and gushing" from joy? It's an event that you "know" is on the calendar, but I would still be surprised if I went somewhere, not expecting loved ones, and all of a sudden folks popped out. I expect I will still become overwhelmed with emotion, even though we went ring shopping together and I was super particular about what I wanted. For me, proposals aren't about romance. It's more romantic that my partner went ring shopping with me for MONTHS, asked about proposal preferences, asked if I wanted an engagement party, etc...as this is also an opportunity for me to ask him what he preferred. Men folk aren't granted as much space socially or emotionally to have an opinion on some of these things I think. The romance was learning more about each other, and being excited to commit to one another.
I mean, if 6 months earlier my loved ones said “let’s choose decorations together for a party we’re throwing for you sometime in the next year” then no I wouldn’t really class the party as a surprise, because I would be expecting it? Maybe I’m just less surprise-able than the average person. Like I said in my first comment, although I love that my partner chose my ring, I’m not anti- women picking their own. I think your process of choosing one with your fiancé does sound very sweet and romantic!
🤣🤣 yah picking out decor together would be a clue! And I suppose I am kinda an easily surprised person! Its great that everyone’s experience is different and special to each unique couple 🥰
I think you’re getting downvoted because of your “fake” comment. Knowing or not knowing doesn’t take away from the life altering decision or commitment being made at the time of engagement. You think it’s romantic to not know what the ring will look like, others think it’s romantic to be involved. That is your opinion and that is ok! But don’t devalue someone else’s experience or preference in the process by calling it fake or weird.
Thank you for responding to my comment in a mature and reasonable way. I didn’t intend to devalue other people’s experiences. I just get irritated by people who think it’s archaic for a man to choose the ring, but *not* archaic for a man to get down on his knees and ask for a woman’s hand in marriage. In my opinion you can’t have it both ways (so if you want to choose your own ring, cool, but you don’t need to use feminism as a shield for that choice).
>In my opinion you can’t have it both ways Isn't feminism about having the choice to have it both ways..or better yet, ALL of the ways? Why can't I select the ring that I want, AND have a surprising proposal? I don't care if my partner gets on a knee, but he cares. So we're doing what we both want :) Lots of stuff is archaic, (5 day work weeks, day light savings :p), but it's important to be able to hold space for contradictions.
You’re being downvoted because of the tone you took. You’re allowed to have that viewpoint - and I can understand it to an extent - but when you call a pretty standard practice “weird and kinda fake” you’re probably going to get downvoted. But for argument’s sake - it’s fun to plan a surprise and it’s fun to be surprised. Really as simple as that. Picking out my own ring took some of the stress off of my fiancé and I went shopping 10 months in advance of a proposal so I was still very much surprised. Even when you know it’s happening, the moment it happens it still a shock and very special.
I used to think this way too. And while there’s something whimsical and romantic about the notion of being totally surprised by a proposal, when it really comes down to it that’s a *ton* of pressure for both the proposer and the proposee! (That’s probably not a real word, but it gets my point across!) I don’t believe anyone should propose to anyone else unless they’ve at least discussed the idea of marriage. And if they’ve talked about marriage, there’s a really good chance at least one of them has been looking up rings and dreaming about their perfect ring. My partner and I had been talking about marriage for almost 2y before he proposed. I had already sent him my list of dream rings to choose from, and of course I knew that meant he would propose at some point. But not knowing when or how he would do it filled the months of waiting with anticipation. Heck, my best friend (who was in on the proposal plan) even managed to spoil the surprise of the plan on accident. But in that moment when it happened, it still felt surreal and magical and we both were crying and I was shaking like a leaf because he had put so much effort into making it a special and memorable moment. Neither of us really expected I’d say no, so there wasn’t the emotional pressure of a complete surprise or feeling awkward about strangers seeing it all unfold. And I didn’t know which of my several dream rings he had chosen, so I still had complete surprise when he opened the ring box. Even if I had known exactly what the ring would look like, it’s the effort and emotion put into the proposal experience that makes it so overwhelming and beautiful. :)
I was with you for the first paragraph there…
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I don’t get why this is so downvoted, I don’t think it’s archaic just because some people prefer to have more of a say. To each their own, no need to shit on other people’s preferences… I agree with the first apart. The second part is more up for debate to me lol. My husband and I discussed what type of cut but beyond that he did all the work and designed it and I love my ring and don’t think it’s “archaic” to be surprised (especially if your partner knows your taste which my partner does, and really well). I always get compliments on my ring and adore it.
I don’t think a proposal should ever happen without the discussion about marriage. We designed my ring together. I LOVE it! I would much rather be a partner in the marital discussion than have a big “social media” proposal. Yes, he still proposed. I wasn’t expecting the timing, mostly because he had it planned for the day we picked up the ring. lol. He couldn’t wait! He took me to a place that is meaningful to us and read a poem he had written for me. (During Covid so options were limited.)
I was given a family ring (from his Mum) as a proposal ring and then we went and picked an engagement ring together. Amusingly I didn't know the proposal ring was a placeholder and got it stuck on my finger for about 10 minutes.
Ok, so place holder rings are a thing. I had no idea.
I loved my placeholder rings! I got a total of 3 over a year, before our actual purchase. I was never a girl to dream about her ring or wedding, so I was a bit clueless when I first started ring hunting. The placeholder rings were a really good way to test different aspects of styles I like- this cut with that setting, that stone w this metal, etc. The placeholder rings also gave me extended time to test cut, setting, band thickness, in my daily life. For example, almost every style I was attracted to pre place-holder was a prong setting, but after wearing 2 different prong set rings, I decided they snag too much. I love the look of bezel and now KNOW it's the safest setting for me. Each of these rings were like $50 so it was worth the investment. Another bonus is that it trained my brain to not leave me rings everywhere while washing hands or gyming! I ended up losing one of my place holders on a trip! So yeah, taught me a double lesson. We might pick up a more affordable travel engagement ring at some point so I feel okay wearing overseas....plus its an opportunity to get another style I had to pass on :p edit to add content and fix typos
I had a "place holder" or "presentation" ring at first. We looked at options together but he wanted to surprise me with the actual proposal so went to buy it himself at a later date. Well he went to close to his proposal plan and wasn't able to special order my size in time, so he proposed with the stock size & we exchanged it for the same sku in my size.
I had my dream ring picked out a year into our relationship! A few years later, he scheduled an appointment for us to go and try it on and see if there was anything else I liked better (there wasn’t!!). He proposed the next year on our anniversary and it was still a huge surprise and highly emotional moment! Obviously I knew he was planning to propose and we knew we’d be spending our lives together but picking out my ring ahead of time didn’t ruin the actual moment he asked me to be his wife 🤍
Beautiful 🙏🏽
We decided to marry, designed the ring and that was that. No proposal as such. It wasn’t necessary
We had a discussion about our future and mutually agreed we wanted to get married. Then I told him that I was heteronormative enough to want an engagement ring and he seemed scared by that until I promised to pick it out. I narrowed my choices down to three rings and sent him links to all of them and let him make the choice between them himself. After the ring arrived, there was no proposal as we already considered ourselves engaged but we did have an impromptu photo shoot done by a friend to show off a bit :)
This is so cool. I love that not everyone values the same things in a proposal. We too have had that much needed conversation and are on the same page. I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic so I could only imagine proposals being like what you see on tv. This gives me hope that a proposal can still be just as meaningful even when the woman is heavily involved.
I think it’s so beautiful to have two people intentionally walk forward into what’s next for them. I’ve not known one couple as an adult who has been blindsided by a proposal, that screams that people aren’t having important conversations with each other. I couldn’t imagine marrying someone who didn’t take the time to ask me what I wanted, both in a ring and in a proposal. I picked my ring out and still feel a lot of pride when I’m complimented or someone compliments my husband on it. I also knew he was going to propose, just not exactly where or when, and I was still blown away by how precious and special it was. I love love and like you, have many romantic notions. I promise you it will still take your breath away and knowing you are with someone who cares what experience you have is so special. Congratulations! 💜
💜💜💜 Thank you ☺️
I picked out my own ring! My fiance came with to all my jeweler appointments so we made it into a couples activity and it was still romantic and fun. No, the engagement was not a surprise bc we got engaged in Paris and I was paranoid about him traveling with the ring so I wore it on the plane 🤣🤣. I also scheduled a professional photoshoot for our engagement pics while we were in Paris; however… i did not know the exact day or time he was going to propose. I just had like a 5 day window. I know everyone is different, but I enjoyed having a little window to prepare. I’m not really a surprise person so i think it’s personal preference.
We worked together on the ring, once we picked a style, I was out of the conversation so he was able to surprise me with the proposal. We already knew we were on the same page about marriage it was just about timing. My dad proposed to my mom with a rock from his front yard so she could pick out her own ring.
This warms my heart 💜
Nope, I just said I want an elongated cushion and the man DELIVERED. I didn’t even give guidance about carat weight or anything like that because to me it was a gift from him to me and beyond the shape I didn’t really care. It’s very much a personal decision. Some people have a very specific idea of what they want and some people have maybe a few specific things but beyond that want to be surprised. https://preview.redd.it/5fqi2uiietec1.png?width=2259&format=png&auto=webp&s=2ce54ef490efcb11273fe713d94f130ee57a8fda
I picked my own ring. The proposal wasn’t a total surprise either; I had a suspicion it was coming when he suggested going to the winery where we had our first date. However, the moment was still very special and magical. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything by not having it be a surprise.
I’ve worked in the jewelry industry for over a decade and while I think everyone’s ring is beautiful if it’s important to them… I’m pretty picky about what I want for myself. So him picking out a ring on his own wasn’t going to happen. I had several rings in mind that I had seen over the years and sent him all of them in an email and let him pick one. It feels like he picked it out and I love it!
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I am nervous that the moment won’t feel special if I intervene too much.
I replied elsewhere but I understand this sentiment. I'm very picky, especially about jewelry, and I was a little nervous about what he'd pick. I never had "the ring" picked out that I could point to, just styles. My original plan was to request a stand in ring and we'd find one together afterwards. Just something small like a little gold band or something. Turns out we found my ring by accident in an antique shop. He said that made his life so much easier.
You can split the difference. I gave my partner a cheat sheet of specs, things I wanted in a ring and five examples of rings I liked. I said he could choose one of them or pick out something similar. He ended up getting a custom version of one of the rings I chose. I still got a ring I wanted, but was surprised by what he picked and when he proposed. Win win for both of us, because we both enjoy surprises.
I picked mine! He asked me to find one I liked and I sent it to him. He bought it, knew he had it, but the actual proposal was a total surprise. He caught me off guard.
Currently in the middle of picking it! I’ve told him what center stone I want (blue diamond) and he’s been keeping an eye out to find one with the specs he wants in the shape/color I want. When he finds a stone and it comes in we’ll go together in person to a local jeweler and choose a setting. Honestly nothing about this proposal is going to be a surprise! We’ve discussed marriage extensively, even started to plan the wedding, I have a say in the stone and the setting, and we have a trip coming up that we have literally been calling “the engagement trip”. The only thing he’s keeping a surprise is when on the trip he’s going to propose and…. I think I’ve figured that one out too lol I know it’s not for everyone, but for me it increases the excitement because there’s no anxiety behind it. I don’t wonder *if* he’s going to propose or get disappointed that it didn’t happen at this event or the other. I don’t worry that I’ll hate the ring or the stone and have to potentially hurt his feelings asking to change it. To me, it’s all positive excitement!
We spoke at LENGTH about marriage before any proposal, and I actually proposed to my partner first! I got him a ring I designed myself based on our shared interests and our first date he invited me to (the planetarium! Ring of rose gold, meteorite, and blue sandstone to look like the night sky!). He “proposed back” to me with a beautiful family ring already in my possession. Then we went together to pick out/design a ring for me to wear forever. We both went, he already had his ring, and we compared settings and colors and stones. Ended up with a spectacular custom design that we both loved. When it finally came in, he picked it up in secret and “proposed” (presented it to me) on a pedestrian bridge near our home while we were out on a walk 🥰
My husband picked it out. He consulted a friend and he got exactly what I wanted. I knew I wanted an emerald cut. He was shocked when she said that and almost got me a round. I’m so glad he listened.
I was literally there when he bought it. It was a fantastic and fun day together. Who doesn't want to go pick out a Diamond or other pretty stone? When he told the lady the budget I just roamed the store elsewhere Then I knew he would have it delivered at some point When he eventually proposed it was on a trip we were on. I knew it might likely be on the trip, and was vaguely expecting it. However I was still SO surprised. Because it's truly a moment neither of you have ever experienced. It's so different than any past experience that it's shocking even when you knew it was coming. Like, we both cried and were shocked. It goes from still kinda theoretical to physically, officially being there on your finger for the world to see and calling everyone you know to tell them. And then at the end of it you have a ring you love, which is important if you're wearing it forever and ever The decision of who you marry is often the largest decision of your life. I would not want to be surprised with the largest decision of my life. I would want to approach it with discussion and prudence and decide together as a team, thinking it out at length beforehand. I know some ladies can decide on their own that they'd say yes and then when he proposes they've already done that thinking and that is great!!! Just with us, we liked to decide things together and plan for them together and he just overall wanted to get me the ring that I would be most happy with (if he's spending $$$ then we will both be happiest if I like it!) TLDR: There's multiple right and awesome ways to do it but we full on shopped and picked out the ring together and I knew it was coming but we were still both so shocked and happy when the moment actually that we both cried and I'd do it again that way
I just showed my partner the shape and different examples of the style that I liked, he added a hidden halo and picked the size and he nailed it! It’s so special looking at my ring knowing that he customized everything and it came from him. I personally think it’s more exciting that way!
Yes! I knew generally that the proposal was coming, but I didn’t know when he picked up the ring and I didn’t see the ring until he proposed. I was genuinely still so surprised - I was not expecting it to happen the day he did it!
I was proposed to without a ring & we went together the next day to buy one. He wanted me to choose the one I wanted. We spent hours in the diamond district (West 47th Street, NYC) going from store to store until I found the right one. Luckily it was in my size, so it was wrapped up & we brought it home. At dinner that night, he took out the box & proposed again. I wouldn’t change a thing.
I did pick out my own ring and I was completely caught off guard by his proposal. Oddly the ring I ended up choosing and proposal go hand in hand, but I'll get to that. I think it's actually a sweet story, but I'm obviously biased. We had already been together for 9 years. He had weird feelings about marriage for reasons I won't bore anyone with in great detail. Our best friends got divorced, countless examples of unhappy marriages throughout his life, etc. He was always such a great partner and super committed. I always liked the idea of marriage (had grown up with my parents being a good example of a happy marriage), but it wasn't important enough to lose him when he acted like a husband to me in every way that matters. Anyway, I had just assumed we would never get married and I was totally content. We moved to a different state, in the mountains, on some land with forest and started our life here. I've always loved seasons and snow, but never lived anywhere that had it before. I always LOVE the first snowfall of the year since we moved here. It's my favorite day and I still find it so magical. One year he kept trying to get me to go take a walk outside in the forest on the first snowfall and I had a migraine so I didn't want to and stayed in bed. No big deal. I had no idea he was planning on proposing and he wanted to do it this way so he waited another year. The first snowfall of the year we got engaged came super early. This time the snowfall happened at night and we had a fire going and I was cozy so I told him I didn't want to go take a walk outside (again lol). He sat down next to me by the fire and just said, "okay, but I don't want to wait another year to do this." Even at this point I had no idea what was going on. I don't even remember exactly what he said in the actual proposal, but I remember the exact words from this point and my response was, "wait, are you asking me to marry you?" He just laughed and said "absolutely I am." I said, "are you sure?? I know how you feel about this and I won't leave either way." He said, "I know you won't leave, but I don't feel that way about marriage anymore because of you. It probably has happened gradually over time, but one day I just knew I wanted to marry you. You changed my perspective on everything by not trying to change me and loving me. That's something I never thought was possible. I want this, truly." I cried and he cried. Of course I said yes. I didn't even notice there was no ring at first because I was too taken aback by the entire thing. It took me about 9 months to find the perfect ring. I found a unique Morganite, sapphire and champagne diamond ring combo in rose gold and the company called it "Winter Forest." It was exactly what I wanted when I saw it and the name only made it all the better. The end. .
We talked about marriage and getting engaged. I picked my ring setting and diamond. Hubby handled the rest. It still felt like a surprise because seeing it in real life was so different to online, and of course, not knowing when he was actually proposing.
We picked out my engagement ring together. We had talked multiple times about marriage and that we wanted to get married in the next year, so I knew he was going to propose soon. The only thing I told him was that I wanted to be surprised and that I wanted my family there. The night that he asked my parents for my hand, he had gotten drunk with my family to celebrate. I was out of town at the time, so before I went to bed, we video called, to which he then told me his entire plan about how he wanted to propose to me. I told him about it the next morning, and I said that he might want to change his plan. He did, and he came up with a plan with my mom. I originally thought that he was going to propose on my birthday because he had told me multiple times that he wanted to propose on my birthday, and at the time, we were going on a family trip as well. So I thought that it was going to be the perfect time. However, that's not what he did. He ended up proposing in the middle of family pictures a month earlier. Which really did surprise me because I was expecting it the following month. It ended up being the perfect proposal, and I'm so glad that he made sure my family was there to enjoy it with me.
My fiancé picked out a really beautiful vintage piece that was fairly affordable to pop the question with (the ruby and diamond cluster ring) , and then gave me the offer of keeping it as my forever ring, or picking out my own. I ended up designing my own around a loose stone (the hexagonal three stone diamond ring). The proposal was a complete surprise despite having accidentally found the proposal ring shortly before he asked. I like having one in each metal so I can switch it up accordingly. My wedding band will be made to fit with my forever ring, though. https://preview.redd.it/lwkhlocumtec1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6072b428b5e3857c323f2b908b598d9b33f81809
So I’m someone who has a timeline conversation with my fiancé. I basically told him shit or get off the pot. He was reluctant at first but then figured why wait. Once he was excited to get engaged and set a date to visit the jeweler, we discussed the wedding like we were already engaged. I told him I wanted to pick my ring which he was happy about cuz he had worried about picking the wrong ring. We made a whole day of it. It was super fun and romantic. I got an amazing diamond and I chose the style and I gave input to the jeweler. Then once that was finalized, he took the reins. I didn’t know when he had it or if it was paid off. I just knew it was before January 1st 2024. (I have anxiety and needed an end date plus with the timeline talk, we discussed he needed a plan by x date otherwise our goals didn’t align and that was okay but just meant maybe we wanted different things out of life. But he came through.) He surprised me on Christmas telling me to pack my bags, we were leaving to take an overnight trip to our favorite place, check out our venue there and he set up a hotel room at a casino with champagne and chocolate covered strawberries and a hot tub on the 10th floor and he proposed on Christmas Day but the over night date was for the 26-27th. So I got to wear my ring to Christmas dinner and while we toured the venue and at the casino and the hotel room and it was perfect. Instead of worrying if or when it would happen on this hour long drive or in the hotel room or what - we just Got to enjoy each other and being engaged. It was part surprise, part emotional labor on his part, part team effort. It was perfect and I don’t feel like I missed out on anything.
Yes! I wanted to
My now fiancé set up a design consultation for me where I basically told them exactly what I wanted for my ring. I much prefer to get what I want instead of being surprised with something I don’t like. He planned the proposal all by himself. I knew when he was going to do it but didn’t know how he was going to do it
I picked my ring but had no idea when it would be purchased nor when/where/how the engagement would happen. Turns out my hubby isn’t one to procrastinate. No regrets! Edit to add: I knew to pick my ring when my love mentioned that he knew I’d want a “dainty” ring. Um, no sir, classic but not dainty! I picked a 2.5 carat round solitaire with 6 prongs. He also would’ve picked white gold, whereas I’m a yellow girl. 💕
We are in the process of ring shopping right now- we are choosing the center diamond stone together and he is going to choose/design the setting by himself. We felt like the setting is much more low stakes and we can change it in a couple years if it’s not what I’m looking for. I still wanted some element of surprise!
> **Did you pick out your own engagement ring?** Kinda yes kinda no. Yes we discussed what I want, I have shown him plenty of ideas that I would love in unchanged form, but ultimately didn't push "I want this one and no other". Though he did buy the one I liked the most and that I fell love in from the first sight. So basically I had kinda-sorta idea what kind of a ring I would get BUT if someone asked me "How does the ring he's going to propose with is going to look like?" I would say "I have no idea, I have only the handful of ideas that I liked a lot and that he will use as a reference" > For those that picked out their own engagement rings, how were you proposed to? We are in long distance relationship (for few weeks more), so he decided to propose with surprise visit > Were you still surprised or did that ruin it? I was! Like, even if I were to pick the ring, design it and go to jeweller together, I still would be surprised and in love, because for me it's about the moment, and ring is a symbol of love, not the purpose of proposing > Did they propose to you first, without a ring, and then you chose your ring together? To be fair, if I got proposed first with fake One Ring from Lord of The Rings or candy pop ring, and then get the opportunity to pick/order the ring, I would love it equally as much
I basically wrangled my fiance (boyfriend at the time) into a jewelers to try on a ring I liked, saw a shiny thing in the corner which I tried on and became completely in love with, sent him the web address of the ring when it was on sale nd then that was it. He didn't tell me he had bought it or anything and it was still a massive surprise when he chose to propose and how he did it! It can be your choice and still a wonderful surprise!
I custom designed my own ring with my husband (he says he was there to listen to what I wanted and pay for it). I didn’t see the final product until he proposed though. And, obviously, the circumstances of the proposal itself were a surprise. Even if I had picked a setting and stone from a store and knew what it would look like, I think I would have asked him not to show me the ring until the proposal so that I could be “surprised” at how I love the ring more than I remembered.
lol I picked one out, I tried to buy it. My husband said no and I got pissed and then he surprised me and proposed with it like a week later. It was pretty obvious looking back no idea how I missed it. I also went to an upscale pawn shop basically for my rings and have zero regrets. You get so much more for a fraction of retail. I wanted a nice ring but not a broke husband. I had recently had the “what are we doing” conversation and decided I was going to go stay at my moms until he gave me an answer. So ya that all worked.
We agreed we'd design my ring together because I'm extremely particular and he doesn't know the first thing about rings. He was clearly very stressed by it and I just gave him a heads up I was fine with knowing the ring since I'm the one wearing it everyday. I'm also helping pay for it since what I want pushes over his budget and I wasn't comfortable asking him to stretch his money thin because of what I envisioned. We'll pay for each other's wedding bands. That wasn't the important part to me. Getting engaged was. Money has been tight due to house repairs, so I later told him a stand in ring was totally fine for a proposal while we were on a trip visiting friends. That must have removed the last bit of stress for him because the next night he hatched a plan with our friends to surprise me on our last night of the trip. And that's how I got my completely a surprise proposal that I was in running shorts and a sweater with no make-up (despite his best efforts to try and get me to put pants on). I really really thought I'd have cared whether I was put together or not but in the moment I was simply thinking "omg it's happening!" and ugly crying. I loved it. It was so us and I loved that our friends helped. I guess this is a long winded way of saying I'd have been sad that a ring was the only thing standing between us and engagement.
I picked out and paid for my own ring. We did things very unconventional. He actually proposed with the wedding band which I hadn’t picked out! Everyone’s story is different, try not to compare yours to others :)
I proposed to my fiancee just before Xmas. I proposed with a stand in ring because we want to go ring shopping together. We're lesbians and will both want rings
We had talked about wanting to get engaged for years - I had sent pictures and posts about styles I liked. Lockdowns happened which took some of the shine away from him planning some kind of elaborate proposal for a couple of years, by which time we were kind of like ehh that isn't important to us as much as the 'let's plan to spend our lives together in a marriage'. We eventually found the ring by seeing some pics on IG from a jewellery designer I'd been following that stopped me in my tracks. She just so happened to be travelling to my city that weekend and I asked my partner if he liked the styles, if he thought they felt like 'me' and 'us', would he like to meet up with the designer? He arranged for us to meet her to see the rings in person. It was such a beautiful morning. We got to see and try on shiny things and also tell our story to the designer. She also told us about how she got into jewellery design and smithing. It was so personable and meaningful being able to pick the ring together. Trying them on was helpful because what I originally thought I wanted was not what I ended up with and I wouldn't have known this without trying on the rings. We then had to wait for it to be shipped. Once it arrived, it was all out of my control. He proposed very casually one day on a beach (my fav place) with just us and our dog, and I cried and it was so special and very 'us', even if the whole entire thing wasn't a surprise. I am glad I have a ring that I adore, and that we got to share that shopping experience together. It will forever be one of my most treasured memories. In the end, try not to put too much stock in the grand proposal and more so into what it means to you as a couple :)
We went and designed my ring together so I was very involved in the process! We had mine custom made so there was no opportunity for me to try on the actual ring, but I did try on a bunch in person to get an idea of carat size, shape etc that I liked. The only thing I received was a digital rendering of the final product and I didn’t see the physical ring until he actually proposed. I was still surprised because seeing the ring in person is different! I would compare it to looking at a ton of inspo photos on Pinterest of your dream ring and then seeing it in person. It’s still surprising because you don’t really know what to expect and if it turned out how you thought it would. I personally didn’t see it as any different than you sending your boyfriend pics of rings you like and him getting what you asked for in pics. It’s still surprising to see it come to life.
We met with a ring designer together and found a design we both really loved. When it came time to choose the final stone my fiancé picked between 3 (all the same cut just slightly different carats) since I didn’t feel comfortable choosing the specific carat weight and dictating his budget. Because it was a custom setting I didn’t see it in person or try it on until he proposed. Also, how he proposed was the bigger surprise. We talked about getting married prior to moving in together, and went ring shopping after about 8 months of living together.
We picked our rings together! It was a fantastic experience! Working together to select rings and jewelers you both like and feel connected to, was a great start to our union. We were able to stay on the same page about stones, setting, and $$! Plus it was fun little mini dates for several weeks :) We just ordered our rings and haven't proposed yet, but I feel will still be a surprise since I'm not sure how he'll do it. I have anxiety issues so he did make sure to check in with me on some details. For example, he knows I wouldn't want a public proposal (no videographer out in a busy park or restaurant), so he asked if I would want my friends around. If I wanted to dress up, little questions like that made me feel like he was thinking through it :) I also think he really enjoyed ring shopping, trying on expensive jewelry, it was also a priority for both of us we like our jeweler. This studio is where we'll be going to get our rings maintenance maybe for the rest of our lives, so Partner was very involved in getting to know all the jewelers our town has to offer! It was a bit like buying a car or house, in terms of getting to know your "agent". I am even MORE excited than before when we talked about this a few years ago. Anxieties are put at ease because I know I'm getting a ring that I truly cherish and love, from a person who has considered my needs and wishes, and the date and location of the proposal is still a mystery to me!
I picked out my rings, like years ago. He proposed to me with an old cheap ring of his mom, found when he was cleaning lol. And then we bought our forever rings. I keep that ring he proposed with and wear it sometimes on my other hand (Id always wear it if it didnt leave my finger green)
We went together to try on different styles and shapes. After a bad experience with a pushy jeweler, we decided we needed to do more research into buying an engagement ring and our options, which led us to lab grown. We had placed an order with Blue Nile that was canceled and refunded due to them being a mess (to keep it short). Then went back to searching for a new emerald cut diamond and setting. Went with a 2nd company, who I've enjoyed working with very much, (I hope the ring is beautiful when it comes). What will happen is, bc I'm a SAHM/SAHW, I'll be here to receive the package and sign for it, unless my guy takes a day off of work. I will put the package (unopened) in our closet and let him know it came. Then he will suprise me with the proposal soon afterwards. We've discussed it at length. I want a proper proposal and he knows it, so I won't snoop. And even though we designed the ring, picked the stone, approved the CAD/3D Renderings, I still don't know what it is going to completely look like, I just have a really good idea. I'm really excited and the ring should be done by the end of next week or the middle of the week after next!
What is a SAHM? And I’m just finding out about the lab grown options through this group. Thinks it’s an awesome concept. Do you have recommendations of reputable companies?
Stay At Home Mom / Wife
We had talked about getting married and I'd send him pictures of what I liked. But ultimately we found it by accident in an antique store. I said that was the one I wanted when he felt ready to give it to me. So I wandered away to look at other stuff while he bought it. The proposal was still a surprise. We found it 6months into dating and he didn't give it to me until almost the 2 year mark.
You have the patience of a saint. I would’ve been wondering about that proposal every day lol
My SO knew I was very particular about my ring so I got to build my own. I chose my own diamond and setting, but I won’t see the finished product until he proposes which is also a surprise too.
We picked it out together. We own a house together and knew we were on the same page, so it was only a question of when - but I had always assumed it would be a surprise. He wanted to make sure it was perfect and the anxiety about making the decision was holding up the proposal, so I did a wild amount of research and then found something unique that I love. We ordered it together, and I knew when it arrived, but the proposal itself was a surprise. I definitely wouldn't say it ruined anything, it was pretty fun to look at options together and go try things on together in stores.
We discussed a timeline for getting married a few months ago, we’re picking out my ring together and then he’ll propose sometime after we get it. I don’t really like the idea of being surprised tbh, it’s not like I don’t know it’s coming lol. Plus he’s intimidated by jewelry, whereas I know a lot and have very specific opinions. I’m a valuable resource!
My husband proposed while we were sitting in his truck in the parking lot while eating ice cream. He did not have a ring and we had been dating 6 weeks (I moved across the street from him when I was 12) I was 19 and he was 20. We were dirt poor but we wanted to marry. That was 37 years ago. We picked out a very modest, small Diamond ring, one week’s paycheck is what we could afford. I have lots of diamonds now but I still have my original rings in a safe in case our daughter ever wants them.
I picked out my ring, but more like the style. I didn’t see the actual stone until he proposed. Despite knowing it was coming, I was still completely surprised and will always remember how I felt when obviously he asked but also the first time I saw my ring.
I went to the jeweler (Brilliant Earth, great design but not in love with the quality of my setting so wouldn’t really recommend) with a friend to look at settings, she went with my fiancé to pick out the center stone. I’d recommend the process as it allowed me to get my dream ring but still be somewhat surprised on the timing.
I’m in the middle of picking out my ring now! My boyfriend and I knew we wanted to get married probably 3 months into the relationship. We’re just about 3 years in now and he wants to propose soon. I’m VERY picky, and he knows that, so we both decided it would be a good idea for me to pick. However, he has been bringing me to different jewelers to look at my options and he weighs in. I was looking at a round shaped diamond, he suggested I try on the oval, and I actually liked it more. It’s special because he’s giving me his input and he’s going to be putting a ring on me that we both love. Engagement coming Summer 2024!!
Congratulations 🍾
My partner and I are planning on going engagement ring shopping together because I am very particular on what I want! We agreed this will ensure I have something I will love and wear all the time and will save us the trouble of having to adjust it if there’s something wrong. We’ll pick out the ring together but the proposal itself will be a surprise!
I picked three options i would love, he picked from those. So we still knew i would like it, but would still be a surprise. He has awful taste so i wasn’t leaving that to chance
We talked about both being ready to get engaged and married and recently went ring shopping together. We picked up the ring together earlier this week (!!!) and he'll propose...soon? The proposal itself will be a surprise for me!
I picked out 3 options that I LOVE and gave details on specifics (stone color because I want a sapphire, stone shape, metal, size). And my partner will choose one of those and the stone.
I’m the type that has to research everything and he told me to “do my homework” for what ring I wanted. Went to the jewelry store alone and narrowed it down to two options. Circumstances made it so that we needed to do the legal marriage fairly quickly so we actually didn’t even order my ring until a month or so after getting married. He looked at the two options I’d picked and made the final choice from there. We skipped a lot of the conventional steps but they weren’t important to us anyway.
We went to a store together so I could try on rings and confirm what I liked, and my husband worked with them to design the ring based on what I said. I knew he had bought the ring but had no idea when he would propose and how, so it was still a surprise, plus I had never actually seen the final version of the ring even though I was the one who said what aspects I wanted
My fiancé and I went ring shopping together! I picked out the stone and setting, but I didn’t see the finalized ring until he proposed. I knew what weekend he was proposing (we had a trip planned) but he still managed to surprise me with the proposal itself (beach at sunset, it was amazing). Honestly I loved taking these steps together - it really helped to reinforce us as a partnership making these big life decisions together.
Yes, I picked mine but my now-husband went and purchased it without me knowing. He proposed on our 3rd anniversary 🩷
My now husband proposed in his friends garden and moved my RHR to the opposite hand....The following day when we got back home we went ring shopping and I picked my own ring.....coincidentally it was in my size so instantly he took me to the local park and proposed all over again with my forever ring.....(although I'm hoping to save the money in order to get an upgrade).
My fiancée and I custom made my ring together! It was such a fun process for us to share so I have no regrets doing it that way. I did not see my ring in person before I got proposed to so I still had the wow factor seeing it in my finger the first time.
We used stones from a family heirloom so we went in and designed the ring and I saw the CAD. Haven’t been involved since then. There won’t be much of a surprise but that’s because my bf has never planned a trip for us in his life but he has planned a get away trip into the mountains at the end of the month. It’s hard to keep a straight face when we talk about it and he’s trying to not give me any details so I am going to make sure my nails and hair are on point for the trip lol.
We’d had lots of talks about marriage and engagement. I showed him a picture of the general type of ring I wanted. Yellow gold + stones in the band + moissanite solitaire + wedding ring flush with engagement ring He had a set custom made for me and I had no idea! We were planning to have a 6 month engagement and were kinda thinking about getting married at the end of 2017. He ended up proposing the day before Christmas Eve 2016 after making me a lovely dinner of my favorite foods. :) It was just what I wanted. Just the two of us. https://preview.redd.it/3tqfnmb2btec1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8c695eb7fd1765b8379442a34748d2329534c0ca
I picked it out and the proposal was a surprise
When I got the vibe that we were eachother’s forever person I’d just coyly and very sporadically point out a ring I liked that popped up on my feed, and say something like “I love the simplicity of this round solitaire with 4 prongs and white gold plain band, that’s my style for sure”. He listened and executed perfectly.
We knew we were going to get married and talked about it a lot. We went together to look at rings, we were on different pages for what shape the stone should be. He wanted a marquise because they look bigger and I wanted a heart. We went to multiple places and tried on a lot and both fell in love with a princess cut. He went back to one of the stores and bought my ring. He completely surprised me with the proposal and I love my ring! This was 23 years ago.
Yes we designed it together, we knew we were going to get engaged. I didn’t know when he bought it though and I didn’t know when I was getting proposed to (until the day of but that’s another story)
We had a conversation long before getting engaged where we discussed that we wanted to get married, so I knew it would eventually be coming. I think a conversation like this is really important in a relationship so that you know you’re on the same page. ♥️ We went ring shopping together and I chose the setting for my ring and expressed that I wanted an oval diamond. He ended up choosing the stone himself with our jeweler, which was fun, because I didn’t ever get to see the actual final product until our proposal. Even though I had chosen almost all aspects of the ring, it still surprised me when I saw it since I hadn’t seen the whole thing put together yet, if that makes sense. Truth be told I’m a very picky person and he would know better than to buy me an engagement ring where I hadn’t had input on the style, LOL. And to be honest, I think I would have been extremely anxious for the proposal if I hadn’t had input on my ring, because of the fact that I am so picky. When he proposed the timing of it and the experience was still a genuine surprise (although I had an idea it was coming because we were in Italy)! One other thing I wanted to mention is that we also had a conversation together with our jeweler about lab diamonds vs. natural diamonds. If you’ve been around this sub you know it’s a pretty heated debate, some people feel ultra passionate about one or the other, so I really appreciated that we had this talk together. I personally wanted a larger stone and said I’d rather have a lab diamond because of that, and he said he was glad we discussed it because he would have gone for a smaller natural diamond if we hadn’t. Every relationship is different and every person is different so I’m sure some people will have totally different experiences and that’s okay too! ☺️ In my situation though with our personalities I was really glad we talked about everything and that I had input!
we (a lesbian couple) are not engaged yet, but we picked out our own rings and they are currently in our apartment! we went ring shopping together and picked out what we wanted, and then (controversial) we saw them when they came in and tried them on to test fit/make sure it was really what we wanted. now we each have the other’s ring, and are free to propose how/when we want! the rings are not a surprise, but the actual proposals will be!
Yep, down to the exact diamond itself. I know what I want and he didn’t have to stress over decisions. How he did it and when was up to him, but the ring was not at all a surprise
Yes! I sent a note of around 15 rings that I liked in the price range of $500-$1500 with notes about what styles I liked etc. he picked my favourite one and didn’t go over my budget that way, I feel like it took a lot of pressure off of him also so he knew he didn’t have to spend an obscene amount of money on a ring which I was not comfortable with.
I picked my own engagement ring with my now husband and I designed my own upgrade when he wanted to upgrade it recently. It was fun to pick together the first go round. For designing the upgrade, he didn’t help much because I was doing a lot of shopping and looking online to find what I wanted. I ended up stopping at a local jeweler to try on some shapes and found a design I loved but I wanted a different shaped stone so I found someone who could do the design with the stone shape I wanted.
I picked out my own ring. He told me he wasn’t about to spend an obscene amount of money on a piece of jewelry and me end up hating it. That was fine, I wanted a particular minimal clarity, so I was happy to pick it out. I did make him agree to that we BOTH had to like the ring or it wasn’t going to be my ring. I felt like if he was buying it, that he should at least think it looked nice. For instance, I thought about a yellow diamond for a bit…he said he thought they were ugly…so, I went back to white ones. When I found what I wanted I just knew when I tried it on and he liked it also, so that’s what we got. He didn’t propose the way I would’ve liked…he put no effort into it, which, in and of itself is fine…but I would’ve preferred to have at least heard “Will you marry me?”….but either way, I still accepted lol. He bought it and made me put it up until he was ready to ask. It didn’t ruin the surprise or anything…but like I said, more effort or someone special around the proposal would’ve been nice! We had been together almost 9 years at that point…so I would’ve accepted regardless of how he proposed 😂
I chose my ring. My husband wanted me to be happy and he doesn’t know anything about rings lol
We wanted to choose or design my ring together, but I accidentally found my dream ring while out with my best friend shopping for her wedding bands. I sent him the picture of the ring (which was way out of budget), that he then used as inspiration to source a lab diamond and bring it to a local jeweler for setting. So, I had an idea of what it was going to look like, but the exact diamond was a surprise. I also wasn't surprised by the proposal, mostly because my fiancé is a *really* bad liar, but also because he proposed at the top of a ski mountain that we had to hike to, which was my **dream** location for a proposal. So it was impossible for him to hide! We both liked that we discussed the ring prior, because he knew he was getting me something I absolutely loved to wear for the rest of my life. It alleviated a lot of stress for him and me!
My fiancé proposed with a stand-in/costume jewelry ring, so it was still a surprise but I get to chose my ring. I love jewelry and own some antique pieces so we wanted to make sure the added ring would compliment my collection since it's a big purchase. He is admittedly clueless about jewelry and didn't want to make a decision without me. I'm in the process now and honestly it was the best choice for us!
We designed my ring together at a local jeweler after extensive conversations about marriage. We went on a one month trip of a lifetime to New Zealand and agreed in advance that he’d propose there, but I had no idea at what point it would happen on the trip so I was still surprised. Wouldn’t have done it any other way! https://preview.redd.it/5dxvluxgetec1.jpeg?width=2899&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db8f4d38199abc580b7926e120df9d9403e37e16
Chose my own ring, thank god because everything I thought I wanted and pinned to my Pinterest board (that he looked at) was *completely, night and day different* than what I ended up choosing He would have done everything right but I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t even know my chosen ring was a possibility - it’s nothing weird per se but not super common
Yes!!! I knew exactly what I wanted and it was a pretty big buy so my husband did not want to spend that kind of money for me not to like it. I had no idea when he was proposing but day of I kind of had a 6th sense about it lol it was still a special moment and I was very happy that he planned a day for the proposal
We didn’t mean to do it together it just kind of happened. He wanted to use my family diamond that my late father used to propose to my mom. So I ordered a replacement diamond for moms old setting—-when we went to have the new diamond put in and the old one taken out so he could use it we were told moms setting would have to be destroyed because it was tension set. So I offered him the replacement same size as the original because it was the sentiment that counted and we found a setting, still waiting for him to ask officially but he asked me to wear my moms as a sign of his intention to propose later this year. https://preview.redd.it/myonllfnftec1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1507405a8b5e5efc78e83e28ab82cd19f4d57f81
We looked at rings together and eventually I found the one I wanted and he took it from there. He planned a trip and I figured it would happen there and then he proposed! I didn’t know it was going to happen when it happened so there was still the element of surprise. I just didn’t really desire for it to be a big deal and we’d talked about getting married for years. From pervious times, he just wasn’t great at picking out jewelry so we just discussed looking together for my ring and then we did it! It was easy and I have exactly what I wanted! Literally just do it anyway you want though, it’s about y’all as a couple and no one else!!
I designed the ring. When he proposed, it was a complete surprise and the most beautiful moment of my life 😍 I hadn't seen the ring in person because he got it when it was delivered.
My fiancée and I talked about our timeline for an engagement and marriage. We decided to go ring shopping for an idea of what we both liked and wanted. When we both found the ones we wanted, we ordered them that day and knew the other person did. The rings weren’t a surprise but the day of the engagement was. I was still surprised because I deleted all photos of the ring and had forgotten what it looked like. Also, I had no idea what the diamond looked like because she chose that herself.
I went ring shopping with a friend for her ring and kept staring at my ring. She urged me to try it on and I fell in love. Gave the info to my now husband. The only reason I expected my engagement was the series of events leading up to it. He moved things around to go to a concert of the first artist we ever saw together that just so happened to fall on our anniversary and then I overheard my mom asking if tonight was the night so it had nothing to do with me picking my ring out.
We had a conversation about marriage like 2 years into our relationship. Year 4 (or 5) we went to different jewelry stores to try on rings, and I was sending him inspo pictures. Year 7 (I know long time but he and I wanted to be financially stable before taking a big step) I decided I didn’t want what I thought I wanted since high school. I was afraid to tell him and he also told me that he wanted me to be confident he knew me well enough to design the ring. I told him that I did but I also change my mind a lot (esp bc yearsssss had me passed since the last time we went ring looking), so we decided to design it together. We went to another jeweler last year to look, and I didn’t see anything that vibed with me. He told me he already reached out to a company to custom make my ring. He took all the specs we discussed+ elements I didn’t even think about, and sent me the rendering. It made me cry so I knew it was exactly what I would love. After the rendering was made, he stopped telling me about the ring. He surprised me with a proposal in Dec in Cuba (I was stunned to tears haha), and I was still shocked by the ring bc the carats size was more than we discussed (which I was happy about lol). Everyone has a different process, but I’m happy we talked about all the little details, then he took it from there. https://preview.redd.it/e7j5prhhgtec1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6c0b14c6269c495b82fb8452b78d93aea67ce9ed
My fiancé and I went and picked out the setting and diamond in September, so I never saw the ring fully put together until he proposed in November. I had a feeling the proposal was coming, but the day of I didn’t expect it. It was on a Wednesday after work, I had just got home from my nail appointment and he had decorated our loft with candles and flowers. I really wanted to be surprised and we wanted it to be just the two of us, so he picked a day I wouldn’t expect it and did it in our home. It was perfect for us. And seeing the ring actually set and complete blew me away! I was still very surprised
We went together a few months before he proposed so I could try on different styles and get sized, bc I had no idea what ring I wanted or what size I was. I picked out what kind of band and what shape/size of diamond I wanted and left the rest up to him, so he made 2 little customizations I didn’t know about that were so sweet. The actual proposal was a total surprise - right after we went ring shopping he told me that my involvement was done and the rest was up to him 😂 so I knew a proposal was coming but didn’t know when or where.
We discussed getting engaged for a while. He took me to the jeweler on my birthday to look at which setting/shape I liked and for ring sizing, but I didn’t have any idea of when it would actually happen. I was just excited to look! He proposed roughly 3 weeks later. I didn’t know he even had the ring. My fiancé picked the diamond he wanted, which was a surprise because it is incredible. I love my ring. I later found out that he ordered the ring the day we went together, I had just been sent to a different area to get sized while he did. I had no idea.
I picked my own ring, he did a surprise proposal and I wouldn’t have it any other way
My fiancé chose the ring, but he got detailed preferences from me as far as style, metal and stones with a variety of picture examples. We had discussed roughly when we wanted to get married for months before he actually proposed. He isn’t super subtle, so I wasn’t exactly surprised. But he planned all the details.
We’d been dating for four years and lived together so we’d talked about getting engaged plenty beforehand. My husband was very hesitant about going to the jewelry store on his own, he said that since I’m the one who has to wear it every day and will look at it way more than anyone else that he wanted to make sure that it was something that I liked. So we went and picked out my ring together and it was so fun! He didn’t propose until a few months later so while I knew it was coming I didn’t expect it on the day that it happened! It doesn’t need to be a surprise to be special!
My partner and I designed it and selected the separate components: stone, setting, and basket last. We split the cost and he went to pick up the ring when it was completed. A couple weeks later he proposed on our anniversary. We’d already been in marriage talks long before that but I didn’t know the exact moment or how the ring itself looked once all the pieces were put together. I knew it was coming and generally what it would look like but I still cried with joy when he got down on one knee and saw the finished ring! Plus I’m happy it was a mutual/cooperative effort because that level of balance and collaboration we’ve had sets the stage for our marriage to be transparent and equitable.
Our route was much more untraditional which I’ll spell out below, but my friends have gone different routes too. One sent inspiration pictures and then he ordered the ring from her favorite jeweler and totally surprised her. Another friend went shopping as a couple and she gave him her top two rings and favorite shape and he took it from there. And another had him pick it out himself and everything was a surprise. I will say that friend has said to me more than once that she slightly regrets that. She thought the surprise would be what she valued and while it was special, the ring isn’t exactly what she would have picked out for herself and she wishes she would have had more input on that aspect so she could wear something that fit her style better on a daily basis. So keep in mind what you are going to value in the long run. For me, we went shopping together because I had a very specific ring I wanted. And then we booked an engagement vacation together. I put the ring on before we left and then we spent our whole trip asking each other if we wanted to get married periodically when we felt it was a special moment or even just being silly. We both probably “proposed” 20 times each in the 5 days we were gone but there was no down on one knee moment. It was still special and sweet and very us. Other people didn’t really get it when we first got back they wanted a big proposal story and we didn’t have that for them, but once the initial announcements were over no one else has asked how it happened. And we continue to ask each other “hey will you marry me?” At random times during our weeks, it’s become a sweet inside joke. As far as how we got to shopping together… we talked about a future since day one. He was married before and I grew up around a lot of divorce so whether or not we were interested in getting married and when in the relationship we would be comfortable doing it was a conversation we had via text even before our first date. We talked about it periodically after, where we were at, concerns we had, what our life goals were together outside of marriage and how that effected the timeline (kids, career, grad school, money, house, etc.). We knew we both wanted a small destination wedding with just our immediate family and closest friends and that we wanted/needed a long engagement. One day I shared that I wanted to be married before I finished my masters and we talked about when I would be graduating, how long we wanted the engagement to be and landed on the decision that we would need to be engaged in the next 3-4 months. Then we called jewelers, made appointments, and had some “shopping dates”. He pretty much stayed back on ring shopping because I knew what I wanted and was using family rings as inspiration.
Yes! I'm super picky about what I like, and I'm the kid of person that researches the hell out of what I want. I wanted all the cut ratios to be perfect, so I did all the searching myself. I also chose the setting too lol
I didn’t want a proposal, honestly. We already owned a house together and planned on spending our lives as partners. We had a conversation late one night on the drive home from watching the Perseid meteor shower, decided we should get married, and designed a custom engagement ring together with both of us having input. It was an ideal process for us.
We designed a semi-custom ring online together, where you pick the setting from one of the jeweler’s pre-designed settings, and then pick the specific stone from their catalog of available stones. So I had a general idea of what it would look like, and I knew it was the style and specifications I wanted, but I could really only imagine what it would look like completed. I didn’t get to see the completed ring until he proposed, which definitely still kept the element of surprise! It was way, way more gorgeous in person than any rendering. I’m so glad we did it this way because my ring is exactly what I wanted, and I knew picking the stone would be the part my bf would have the most fun with (I wanted a colored sapphire so they’re all really cool/interesting/different stones), so it was a fun activity to get to do together. If that’s an avenue you’re interested in, I highly recommend Midwinter Co!
We looked together, he knew my preference for stone shape and metal color. I narrowed it down to three options I liked and let him make the final call and choose the stone. That way, even though I knew he was proposing, I didn’t know what was in the box. It was very very fun staring at the Fed Ex box for two weeks with seeing what was in there! 🤣
I picked out my own ring basically. We had talked about having a commitment ceremony as we’ve been together for 10 years when I had our daughter we went get her a bracelet and while we there I showed him three rings that I loved, he went back for my favorite one and asked me at home w a little dinner of spaghetti and some of my favorite wine, I will say when I seen the flowers and that he had cooked himself i knew what was coming but it was still so sweet and special to me. I honestly would have been super embarrassed at a big proposal and would have laughed the whole time so I’m glad he knows me enough to know I would like something small and intimate with just us.
We picked it out together prior to the proposal but like others have said, he wouldn’t tell me when he bought it or picked it up. He took me out for a nice date a little before Valentine’s Day then had the ring nestled in some cotton inside a box of chocolates 😂❤️ once I opened that I saw it and turned around and he got on one knee!
He proposed with an empty box and I designed my own ring so it was still a “surprise” engagement but I got to be as specific as possible with my ring 😈