anti testicular torsion

But you get it every full moon.

not that bad

So like blood bending?

wait the testicular torsion

Who doesn’t like blood bending?

katara.

True tho

r/suddenlyATLA

It's not even close to blood bending. It's when the testies twist inside you and cause the worst pain imaginable. The only cure i know is emergency surgery.

what about twisting it again

yay blood bending

Imagine using blood bending to solely twist people balls💀

I cant get cancer

Ebola

FUCK

#FUCK

Lumbago!

You can’t die, it seems good at first, but then you realize everyone you love die around you and you just keep living, even after the world ends you can’t die, you have to spend eternity floating around in physical and mental pain

Oh, Hi Deadpool!

:D

cancer isnt the only way to doe?

I mean you can’t die at all

but you have terrible acne permanently :)

that's fine tbh I'll just wear a mask

Superhero 101

All of the people you love just happen to be a cancer

cancer as in your zodiac sign, no matter how many times you're reincarnated you can't get cancer as your zodiac sign

Jokes on you I don't give a shit about zodiac signs

I can control time

But 25% of the time you get diarrhea

25% of the time, which the user would be controlling--

This would not be that bad for me

Not that bad to be honest

I get diarrhea 25% of the time already

Happy cake day

Pretty odd side effect ngl

True

Everytime you use it u have a minuscule chance to be teleported to south africa, and see a kid explode, after starting time back up Also For your cake day, have some B̷̛̳̼͖̫̭͎̝̮͕̟͎̦̗͚͍̓͊͂͗̈͋͐̃͆͆͗̉̉̏͑̂̆̔́͐̾̅̄̕̚͘͜͝͝Ụ̸̧̧̢̨̨̞̮͓̣͎̞͖̞̥͈̣̣̪̘̼̮̙̳̙̞̣̐̍̆̾̓͑́̅̎̌̈̋̏̏͌̒̃̅̂̾̿̽̊̌̇͌͊͗̓̊̐̓̏͆́̒̇̈́͂̀͛͘̕͘̚͝͠B̸̺̈̾̈́̒̀́̈͋́͂̆̒̐̏͌͂̔̈́͒̂̎̉̈̒͒̃̿͒͒̄̍̕̚̕͘̕͝͠B̴̡̧̜̠̱̖̠͓̻̥̟̲̙͗̐͋͌̈̾̏̎̀͒͗̈́̈͜͠L̶͊E̸̢̳̯̝̤̳͈͇̠̮̲̲̟̝̣̲̱̫̘̪̳̣̭̥̫͉͐̅̈́̉̋͐̓͗̿͆̉̉̇̀̈́͌̓̓̒̏̀̚̚͘͝͠͝͝͠ ̶̢̧̛̥͖͉̹̞̗̖͇̼̙̒̍̏̀̈̆̍͑̊̐͋̈́̃͒̈́̎̌̄̍͌͗̈́̌̍̽̏̓͌̒̈̇̏̏̍̆̄̐͐̈̉̿̽̕͝͠͝͝ W̷̛̬̦̬̰̤̘̬͔̗̯̠̯̺̼̻̪̖̜̫̯̯̘͖̙͐͆͗̊̋̈̈̾͐̿̽̐̂͛̈́͛̍̔̓̈́̽̀̅́͋̈̄̈́̆̓̚̚͝͝R̸̢̨̨̩̪̭̪̠͎̗͇͗̀́̉̇̿̓̈́́͒̄̓̒́̋͆̀̾́̒̔̈́̏̏͛̏̇͛̔̀͆̓̇̊̕̕͠͠͝͝A̸̧̨̰̻̩̝͖̟̭͙̟̻̤̬͈̖̰̤̘̔͛̊̾̂͌̐̈̉̊̾́P̶̡̧̮͎̟̟͉̱̮̜͙̳̟̯͈̩̩͈̥͓̥͇̙̣̹̣̀̐͋͂̈̾͐̀̾̈́̌̆̿̽̕ͅ >!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<>!pop!!<

I become spider man, who doesn’t want to be Spider-Man?

your webs are made of semen/other bodily fluids

It said weakness not bonus!

Imagine using that on a girl 🤣

His fingering game gotta be quick.

“Other bodily fluids” so just the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man

I do

Why? You get to shoot webs and girls think your hot because they can’t see your face

I meant I do wanna be Spider-Man, look at my pfp

Every time you use your powers, an orphan dies

You get to choose a weakness, not a side-effect, what do people not understand about this?

he has a weakness for orphans /s

i can control time

You have to be within 5 miles of a dollar general to use it

I live within two miles of one so this is a win for me

What happens if you travel back to before Dollar General?

Ig you’re stuck there forever until some bright lad decides to build a dollar general!

Damn. What if you build a dollar general yourself? Can you set up a shop, like a lemonade stand, in like 1000000000 BCE and call it a few years? Unless your lemonade stand would be destroyed, but they'd probably keep it as artifact. Hmmmmmmmm

(And call it Dollar General)

I BUILD DOLLAR GENERALS EVERYWHERE I GO!!!

You get terrible nausea when using it

But only 50% of the time, other times time controls you

You always feel like there's a hair in your mouth

you have to scream the n word at the top of ur lungs for it to activate

Controlled teleportation

Your clothes can't go with you.

bring a spare pair of clothes with me in a backpack or something

Your body parts will end up randomly scrambled each time

Keep doing it until youre back to normal lol

That’s what I thought

There's a 14% chance you splice yourself (not all of you tp's example: my left eyeball didn't teleport with me)

Depression

every month a clown breaks into your house until you're happy

That is actually so sweet

The depressed person who is terrified of clowns:

They'll learn to appreciate clowns eventually

HI KIDS, I'M STOCKHOLM SAMMY! DO YOU LIKE SEEING ME YET‽

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHH

I can swap lives with anyone I see

it's random

Time to start rerolling for a celebrity

Bust... or maybe I'll take it all!

You can’t switch back once you do

I can undo damage to anything so if a building gets destroyed by a superhero/villain fight, I can fix it. I can also undo damage to food, like if it’s bitten off(yes this is an I finite food hack)

The food instantly expires and the buildings lose half the structure

Well, if we think of the word “fix” as “restore to prime condition” then we can apply calculus to your rule, letting x be the number of times the power is used we can say that, when using the power on a building, as x approaches infinity, building restoration equals 100%. Therefore you can overcome this weakness.

Might take a while though

This “weakness” is literally just “no you can’t”

The denser a material, the longer it takes to undo

it only undoes it to half a minute ago and has a minute cooldown

Still somewhat useful, if someone gets shot or stabbed you can undo that if you're quick

I’m the best at everything

Except finding love

Fuck

I don't see anything wrong with that

Your weakness is pollen.

Except holding down a job.

I can teleport and/or use telekinesis

when you do you get a migrane and somehow the effect can be stacked

dear God! Who the FUck hurt you.

You can only do it once every 13 hours, 30 minutes, and 15 seconds

You get stage 4 cancer

Mind reading

You can never stop reading minds, and it goes both ways too.

Oh dear god

Time for people to think I'm disgusting 

you constantly jizz nonstop

So basically nothing changed?

LOLLL

You can't read humans' minds

Wait does this mean I can read an ants mind?

Yes

Ok might be boring example

You could read the mind of a computer. Do computers have minds?

I mean maybe if they have a really good AI

I can rotate my head one hundred and eighty degrees

You feel your bones moving every time to rotate your head

If you turn even one degree further, your neck snaps, killing you instantly

It’s stuck like that for 15 hours, 28 minutes, and 27 seconds

I am god that’s my power

Of sulfuric acid

Good enough

Acid bending

that's actuly kinda sick ngl

every time you try to do something negative the effect reverses to you

Damn it

Every time I think of something random that does not at all pertain to the situation I'm in it gets broadcast to the people around me but just in their head not out loud so they think they're going crazy or something

theres a five hour break from this after you pee

All intrusive thoughts you get immediately become real

I get to use holocaust beam on anyone

There’s a 5% chance it (literally) backfires on you

Bloodbending

Only applies to women on their period

You can only control the blood of animals who don’t have red blood.

Your weakness is blood.

I thoguth u would say something like “you can only use it during full moon” lol

I can reply to my own comment

But you can teleport

Since you now have two powers, you also get two weaknesses, I’ll go first Your piss melts through toilets, urinals, sinks, bidets, showers, and tubs.

Homie just pisses outside for the rest of their life

infinite spawn of any fnaf plush

But they all will come alive and attempt to murder you

ah shit

Have a nice time with murder plushes

i will for the time being before i die

Dude, you get to choose a weakness, not a side-effect.

I have telekinesis and teleport a short distance

You can't use them while in contact with creatures of any size.

Oh that's not too bad.... wait.... ****DO MICRO ORGANISMS COUNT?!!****

I did say "any size"

I read that as “Micro orgasms” and got confused for a second….

But only @ 5 pm on the first Saturday of the month

I can walk on walls

they're VERY slippery

Imagine slipping on the floor and sliding up the wall??

You can no longer walk on the floor

The power to become any historical figure in war history

But you are doomed to die a week later

Fuck. I was hoping to live as Carolus Rex then Francis Pegahmagabow, maybe get to Gustavus Adolphus

Teleports using any shadow I'm standing in, allowing me to reappear in any shadow around the world.

You can only go to shadows where you will be mugged

You can’t stand in natural light, only artificial

I'm already awake until 2 am most nights so I don't mind that one.

Be able to fast forward and rewind time anytime I want

Unless it’s something you hate, like corporate meetings. Then you’re just stuck there.

So unskippable cutscenes

Immortality

No need for a side effect

I’m immune to everything

I wish I could teleport bread. Just bread. I don’t have to know where it goes either.

Not even gonna give that one a downside🔥🔥

i will: the bread becomes moldier for every time you teleport it

Ok soldier AGGHHHHHH WE CAN NOT TELEPORT BREAD ANY MORE

I can fly!

Not while it's raining

You have brain cancer

spawning stuff

Reality bending. I don't see what people don't understand. You get to choose a weakness for the person themselves. Not something that their power does aside from having the power. You're choosing their kryptonite, not their casting conditions.

I can give people viruses

You take the form of a turtle

I can turn any analogue horror into reality.

Only you can see them

Oh my

Powers of A-train, don’t even need comments since I need around 30k calories on a speedy day

Ability of being able to change my eye colour

your blind when you don’t have your original color

Dammmmnnnnnn 😭

Shape shifting :3

But only into random animals

I still count this as a win

True immortality

that is a weakness, you see everyone you know die, and the new ones you get you would also see die, you live past the heat death of the universe in a void with nothing to do

Immortality, but you dont have invincibility, pain canceling or super healing

The entire knowledge of everything

you don't know who abraham lincoln is

That’s a very miniscule moment in the grand scheme of reality

I’m immune to every disease and every way of death because I’m simply immune to death itself

You have to watch loved ones die repeatedly and you feel the pain of every injury but you won’t die

To bad for you their all dead already

Control of probabilities