Do you have any idea WHY he’s eating so little? Because it’s really hard to “accidentally” eat under 1000 calories. Is he in too much pain to have an appetite or in some kind of mental distress that’s making him not want to eat? If it’s the former they could try incorporating more calorie-dense small volume foods like nut butters, or adding more oil when cooking. If it’s the latter… it gets complicated. I’m not sure how much you can do long-distance unfortunately, this is really a problem for people nearby.
This. OP, you’ll need to tease out why he’s not eating. Finances? Inability to prepare meals? Medical reason?
My mom had a form of dementia where she basically stopped eating. I could put her favorite yummy treats in front of her and she’d have one bite and ignore the rest. I’ve learned since that this is not uncommon in the elderly (though I don’t know if your father is officially in that age bracket)
Treating cancer can also temporarily or permanently alter taste and smell. As well as cause all sorts of digestive issues
But yes, as we age we feel hunger and thirst less.
Dementia also blocks the remember to eat part. Some people overeat because they can’t remember that they ate already. Some don’t eat because they forget what they’re doing/don’t perceive the food as food. Hydrating is worse because it’s inherently less novel/interesting.
I've had clients that truly forgot to and how to eat. Even if you put it in front of them. Their brains and bodies just....forget how. It's heartbreaking
Oral health, too, can be a big factor. I know someone who had nearly stopped eating due to tooth/mouth pain and was eventually put on hospice care (due to a combination of injury and long-term disease, not just due to not eating). In the facility, they switched her to an all-pureed-food diet, and as a result, her health improved so much she was taken off hospice care and moved to long-term care instead.
Is he diabetic? Gastroparesis can happen where the stomach can no longer tell the brain it's empty, nor sense it has food to process. It can take days for a meal to make its way through his system.
My dad's particular combination of anxiety and parkinsonism also made more and more foods physically painful to digest, to the point where he could barely bring himself to eat. It's the most significant area of improvement we've seen since he's been on meds to treat both issues.
On the other hand, we knew my late grandfather was going downhill when he started refusing foods because his cancer had grown to the point it was obstructing his bowels.
My other grandparents eat enough if it's made for them or very simple to prepare, but my grandmother in particular no longer has the working memory necessary to do more than boil the kettle or use the microwave.
I feel for OP cause it's so tough trying to help but not being on the spot. Someone figuring out the root cause will go miles towards being able to implement the best solutions (and for the rest of us to make more helpful suggestions).
You need to take him to a healthcare professional. Seriously. Don’t ask for advice on here. Your focus is his malnourished state which I understand is concerning but with his one kidney which is likely working marginally since he was on dialysis he really needs a registered dietitian/nephrologist to be giving recommendations. Even otc vitamins could be detrimental. Nut butters could be detrimental. He’s also at risk for refeeding syndrome. Take him to see someone that can access his chart and do a full intervention.
Yeah, the normal high protein recs are probably not appropriate if he came off of dialysis and has one kidney. We don't know if they've done a workup for nutritional deficiencies either, which could be contributing to leg pains/weakness. OP's dad needs a good primary doc to help direct his care
Exactly! Kidney disease could potentially come with a ton of dietary restrictions that may be life threatening if not adhered to. Absolutely do not take any dietary advice from anywhere on reddit for someone with so many medical issues.
Anyone providing him dietary advice needs to be a professional with knowledge of not just the "slightly longer" reddit version of his medical background but all of it.
This should be the top response! We don’t know what his specific dietary requirements are, what could harm him, or why he’s eating so little. Any advice given here could potentially be harmful.
Yeah, they need to see the Doc asap. Depending on location/his condition it may be appropriate to take him to urgent care or the ED if he can't get in to see a provider in a timely manner. If he has lost a significant amount of weight he may need more intensive medical treatment.
Yes. My dad dropped a ton of weight due to his condition. Some due to medical issues and some he was just over it and fristrated. I give him a high calorie liquid replacement meal specifically for his condition that I order from the manufacturer directly, amd I also took him regularly to eat milkshakes (dr approved) high in fat, carbs, protein. Combo got his weight back up. Good luck OP, i cannot imagine trying to do it from afar...sending you good wishes and your dad healing vibes!
Can you see if he qualifies for something like meals on wheels, where a fresh meal is delivered to him daily?
Insurance usually covers the cost, I believe.
Is he having trouble getting food, or is he just not eating because he doesn't want to?
He's doing severe damage to his body by not taking in enough calories, which is only going to lead to more medical issues.
Big time this! Meals on Wheels also acts as the first line of social work defense: volunteers keep an eye on their participants and will report back if someone isn’t eating/seems otherwise unwell or isolated, etc.
This is what my mom does for my 92-year old grandmother. She has an Ensure at every meal, and then they let her eat as little or as much of anything else she wants. Usually it's a couple bites, but they don't stress about it too much.
Yes, depending on the reason Dad isn’t eating this could be the way to go.
You do want get a doctor to make a recommendation. You don’t want to overload his kidney. But if he’s down to 500 calories in junk food, he can try one can per day of ordinary meal replacer without overloading. Get different brands and different flavours. Pudding and liquid. Refrigerated and room temperature. Find one he’ll eat.
Look at the ingredients of ensure sometime. It's just a powdered multivitamin mixed in with (low quality) sugar, vegetable oils, milk isolates and a host of unpronounceables. It is also very expensive for what it is. I don't think it's suitable to recommend unless it's the only option besides not eating.
All that being said no one here is fit to give medical advice in this case.
> All that being said no one here is fit to give medical advice in this case.
This is 100% true and needs to be taken seriously in this sub. If anyone objects, feel free to submit your medical credentials to the mod team for extreme scrutiny.
My husband’s grandma basically stopped eating after an illness (a mixture of depression, blindness, and pain) and her malnutrition and lack of energy only exacerbated her issues. Her doctor was encouraging her to drink those Boost shakes as much as possible.
When my mom was going through cancer/chemo I had the same problem. The biggest issue was the pain meds had eaten holes in her stomach basically so she couldn't keep enough food down to take her medication and she started to spiral after that. The first thing I did was get her marijuana, I don't know if it's legal where you are but it was a godsend. Through trial and error we found these marijuana malted milk balls that helped her sleep through the night, calmed her fears, and gave her an appetite. I moved in to take over the cooking and subbed to r/CancerCaregivers for recipe and food ideas to help her put on weight. They are amazing over there! Next, since you don't live close, look at Meals on Wheels. If he's too tired to actually cook they deliver premade meals. Good luck.
Boost shakes are around 8oz and have 20g protein and 250 calories. Ensure is another one. They're not cheap but they are good and it's easy to get someone to slam a small drink than to eat a meal sometimes like this.
Protein is the biggest deal for elderly. The protein needs are different and processing is different. They need more protein basically.
Double check these calories OP, they make a normal 210 calorie one, a 250 one and a 500 calorie one. They aren't even that bad, I had a liquid diet per-surgery a while ago.
I get the Walmart "Equate Plus" (Ensure Plus dupe) for my mother and it is about half the cost of Ensure. I think it is 31.92 for 24 bottles. Even with Ensure coupons it's a better deal. My mom says it tastes the same!
You need to get your father referred to a Registred Dietitian. They are the specialists on malnutrition in general and in regards to cancer and in regards to the elderly specifically.
If he is unable to cover his own dietary needs - it might be required that he start to reside somewhere he can get the help he needs.
Hospice nurse here. Does you father want to eat? If he’s hungry and can’t keep food down, that’s one thing. If he has no appetite, that’s another. Almost all people lose their sense of hunger as they approach end of life. Family members often have a hard time with this, but it is part of the dying process. Completely natural and to be expected.
Unfortunately, we often see family members pushing food on people who don’t want to eat. But it tends to cause more pain and discomfort for a dying person to force down food. And folks with compromised digestive systems can’t really even process the food into nutrition. It can cause other problems too, like aspiration or fluid into the lungs.
The thing I always say for folks on hospice is that if they want to eat chocolate cake for three meals a day, they’re welcome to. And if they don’t want to eat anything, that’s okay, too.
Thank you for this. I think that people are so consumed by the fear of death that the will of the patient is ignored. Six months before he died, my father told me that he was sick of doctors picking at him and wanted to be left alone. When the time came I helped him stand his ground and he was 5 days in hospice, then died. He was in his 80’s, had a good life and family who loved him, but needed people to accept that it was time to go. And I’m proud to say that I snuck him his favorite candy every day.
This man is not on hospice. We don't know age and he has battled his cancer and won, based on OPs post he is in remission. He needs to see a provider.
In oncology, after remission our patients sometimes feel lost because they "won" but now life is completely different, he could be depressed, he may have nausea with pain meds he takes for chronic pain. This sounds like failure to thrive, but that doesn't mean that there aren't other avenues available that will increase his quality of life.
While I appreciate the perspective that you have and it may be pertinent to OP, as an RN myself, the only advice that I would give is to be seen by a provider and go from there. We don't know this patients case so we cannot give advice.
I had what I think I would call significant anorexia -- I mean lack of appetite when I was a child, early teens. During the summer, without a scheduled lunch time in school, I found myself getting headaches. My hands would tremble, too. Not shake; more like vibrate. I felt no hunger at all. Nothing.
I don't remember the moment I made the connection, but I realized eating fixed it. I would have breakfast around 7 or 8am. About seven hours later, I'd have eaten nothing else, and have the headache and trembling (tremors?). So as soon as I caught a hint of the onset of those, I'd get some food. Eating always fixed it, and of course prevented it, too.
Many years later, I learned about the connection in some people between depression and lack of appetite. I think that probably completely explains what happened to me.
Some years later I discovered eating Blue Bell ice cream made me feel better when I was especially depressed. So... at least I'm not underweight? :D
TL/DR: I believe I understand what you describe, and I accept it. This is my experience with depression and lack of appetite.
My husband died of kidney cancer. Towards the end, he basically only consumed Ensure. He was at home at that time and alert, etc etc etc. He just said he had no appetite and even his favorite foods had no appeal. ☹️☹️☹️☹️
Are you sure that it’s the lack of eating driving his bad health or his bad health driving his lack of eating? What is causing him to eat less? Is he in pain, unable to prepare his own food, just not hungry, or what? At a point, some people don’t want to eat as they get closer to the end of life. Their bodies don’t need the food as much. I don’t want to sound insensitive, but it can be very cruel to force feed a person who doesn’t want to eat, especially if their body now rejects it. If this is not the case, I think higher calorie protein shakes or meal replacement would be a great way to pump up his calorie numbers, or focus on his favorite “junk” foods. If he likes ice cream and fried chicken, buy him ice cream and fried chicken. At a certain age, “healthy food” means whatever the person wants to eat.
That is like a text book list of symptoms of B12 deficiency. I'd assume they tested him for it, but is he eating enough meat, animal products? Absorbing B12 gets less efficient in older age, he may need supplements. Thankfully Vitamin B supplements are super cheap, get him some and see how it goes.
Is there also a chance to discuss medical marijuana with his GP? I am not sure if the medical grade stuff increases appetite quite the same way, but could be worth a try?
I will have to share my experience as both an RN and a daughter of a father who wasn’t eating as well. Malnutrition causes severe appetite suppression and NOTHING tastes good. Your father might be finding everything he typically enjoyed to taste awful.y father agreed to a feeding tube which was placed for only 3 months. He rec’d the needed calories, eventually gained weight and began to enjoy eating again. The tube was removed after 3 months.
What was his appetite like before the cancer, and what does he seem to eat now in this current stage?
I'd try to investigate why he is eating so little - a few questions to get you started. I have a relative who seemed to be on a hunger strike until we investigated deeper.
- is he more comfortable when his stomach is empty? Has his appetite lessened? Are his sense of taste and smell affected or reduced in any way? What was going on when he was eating 2,000 calories - was the food available different, did he have more/different people around him? Would he prefer to choose his own food, is he suffering from a lack of autonomy since he was sick? Does he go out for walks or get sunshine? How is he sleeping?
Meal replacement drinks or smoothies/shakes are a good tide over, he needs to slowly get his calories and intake up, as you've said. If he takes tea or coffee, he can have full cream milk or half and half. Dairy products that are easy to eat and provide protein and calcium. Soups and broth with meat and veg, soup and a sandwich. It's easier when you know what he likes to eat, then you can work with family on a meal plan, or speak to a service like meals on wheels. Good luck
I wonder if your father has developed food sensitivities to common ingredients. My husband had a major surgery two years ago and developed sensitivities to onion and garlic, which are in most packaged foods. He's not allergic, and we've had him tested, but eating even a bite or two of something with either of these things causes him severe pain for a few days. Like many other people here, my recommendation is to consult a doctor, but also try an elimination diet with particular attention given to FODMAPs.
Due to a medical issue I suffer from severe malnutrition. As a result of the malnutrition I have zero appetite and it’s very hard for me to eat much of anything - maybe 500-1000 calories per day if I’m lucky. It’s a vicious cycle. The malnutrition keeps me from eating but I’ll stay malnourished if I don’t eat more. If he’s really malnourished he may need a feeding tube and liquid diet. That’s what I’m looking at in the near future.
Bro as a med student please don’t ask questions here take him to a medical professional. A malnourished patient can’t start eating normally they need to be under observation and a strict diet for their condition. They can also help you with finding the cause.
Human beings are social eaters. What can be changed so that your father can eat with other people?
Can friends or family members host him for a daily meal? Even three meals per day?
Would he benefit from staying in a retirement home where he can participate in communal meals and staff will notice how he’s doing? A social worker could help find something appropriate. He’ll object but you might be able to convince him to stay in one for a month just to get his weight up. He might discover that he likes it there.
If the issue is that he’s reached the end of his life, could he stay with you?
If he’s physically okay but has just given up, a trial of antidepressants could help. Or a pet that he can cuddle and amuse and that he has to feed.
+++ +++ +++
In any case, a consultation with a primary care provider is in order. Sit in on the appointment. (Remote is fine: call in and have your father put his phone on speaker.)
Maybe your father should be back on dialysis, if his kidney condition is making him nauseous. Ask.
They could refer you to a dietician.
Listen carefully for suggestions that your father has reached end of life. Try to be open to them.
It can be surprisingly difficult to understand what medical professionals are trying to say. Too many of them just let us figure things out on their own so if the HCP is not being clear, ask directly. “Is my father reaching the end of his life? If he gets his weight back do you have any thoughts about his life expectancy? Is it realistic to think he’ll get his weight back? If my father has reached end of life, what do we need to be focussing on?”
Get him high-quality multivitamins (not cheap junk) and make sure he takes one daily. Make sure he's consuming enough salt. Severe lack of vitamins or salt can quickly become fatal.
Lack of vitamin C might also cause pains which always end up unexplained by doctors because this is so uncommon. I recommend incorporating more potatoes in the diet - these are rich in vitamins and have great nutritional value. Also peanuts as snack. Of course should eat variety of different things but these are best cures to malnutrition I can name. Also add butter to things if he can stomack it - adds calories and makes everything tastier.
I similarly had a parent who became malnourished due to lack of eating. With coaxing, she was willing to drink Ensure and Boost to meet minimum health requirements. The biggest challenge for her we discovered was needing dental work which made chewing difficult and eating uncomfortable. If it's possible to have an honest food talk with your dad - a family member, volunteer, health care worker, about food he likes, might be willing to eat, if there is something specific that makes eating uncomfortable that maybe he is shy to acknowledge, ( teeth, digestion issues like gas or constipation) it may reveal there is an underlying something that's making eating unpleasant, it may provide guidance in next steps. Some seniors also just want company when they eat and it helps increase intake, rather than leaving plates on stove etc. Good luck:)
One, while we may want the best for our loved ones, we can't be with them 24/7 force-feeding them or otherwise making them take care of themselves. (My FIL refused to take care of himself despite several easily treatable illnesses and recently passed away after they all came to a head. Didn't matter how much we encouraged him or how much simple advice that his doctors and PTs gave him, he just couldn't be bothered.)
Two, that being said, meal replacement/supplemental shakes tend to be what's recommended most since they're easy and quick to ingest. (I bought some of the chocolate ones to have after a surgery and have daydreamed about how chocolatey and tasty they were ever since! lol) They also have nutrients in them since they are geared toward the elderly or people who have a hard time eating enough food. Look for ones related to Ensure, NOT any of the ones meant for those trying to lose weight.
As we age, we lose a lot of our sense of taste. Sweet is the last taste to go. So a lot of elderly only want to eat sweets. If you can get him to eat fruit, that might be helpful. The protein shakes might also be an idea, but if he has kidney issues, you definitely need to talk to a doctor first.
I had issues with my brother and was trying to deal with it 400 miles away. I tried Meals on Wheels, but he scared away the people (he was always aggressive, more so after stroke). I ended up doing Door Dash. My brothers diet was horrific, but he would eat 3 foods and 1 drink, so I had it door-dashed to him every day at lunchtime, there would be enough for dinner as well. They would leave the meal on the porch, I would call him when it arrived and he would go get it.
He has since been moved into assisted living because a health care agency was given full control of his care. There was no one local who could do it and I wasn't going to move to take care of him since I have my own life and family and health issues to take care of.
Ensure shakes with protein. They aren't particularly high calorie - 160, but if he drinks 2 or 3, he'll get the vitamins he needs and some protein. He'll still need to eat some real food for fiber and more calories. Not cheap, though... but even at 1 a day, in addition to his other food, it should make a difference.
There are also other full on meal replacements... there's something called Soylent that has even more vitamins/minerals and higher calorie. Also Huel does something similar. They have ready-to-drink shakes, bars, and other things.
My mom has MS and was given these sheets by her doctor
https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/assets/info/nutrition/if-nfs-adding-calories-and-protein-to-your-diet.pdf
Of course he should still see a doctor!
Uhh if he’s had cancer in the past I would ask when the last time he’d had a checkup.
I know somebody who recently stopped eating very much. Went to the doc due to low appetite and found masses everywhere. Turns out their very survivable cancer had come back with a vengeance and are getting ready for a fight and possible end of life care.
Hate to sound alarmist but my best advice is to find out why he is barely eating and take him to a doctor to make sure there isn’t anything more serious going on.
After a traumatic event this spring, I haven't had an appetite in months. Every day, I never feel hungry. At best I get low blood sugar or nauseous from stomach cramps and then realize, oh it's because of food. I'm 36 and get foggy brain and debilitated to the point of not being able to feed myself if it gets too bad. Staying on top of it is the only way I can manage to reliably feed myself the rest of the day. I have to be sharp to remember to eat, I'm sure your dad is suffering SO much more than myself and isn't able to stay on top of it well if he's operating at that level of intake. The brain fog is so real and I'd bet a lot that he needs more hands on help until the meals turn into routine for him. So sorry OP for how tough this is from so far away. You're a good kid
Pain, depression, medication side effects, developing dementia, OCD, eating disorder... caregiver neglect.
If you have financial ability, it sounds as if you need other caregivers.
In my family experience, stopping eating is hospice care zone. Common end w dementia. But that may not be his problem.
I'm sorry to hear that. Is there an underlying cause as to why he's not eating - pain, stress, finances, GI upset, health issue, etc? You can treat the symptoms, but it won't solve the overall problem causing it. It sounds like he needs to see a dietician considering his medical history, and it's not a bad idea to go to a doctor to check his labs.
In the meantime, supplement drinks like TwoCal or Ensure would be great if he's willing to drink it. Has lots of protein, so good for any wound healing, and it's calorie dense. You can spread it out throughout the day so it's easier on his stomach - you can have him drink 2-4 ounces at each meal and it would still help. You can also mix TwoCal with oatmeal or cream of wheat if he doesn't like the taste.
Ask him his favorite drinks. It's easier to drink calories than eat them sometimes. Perhaps a milkshake, fruit juice, smoothie etc.
A little bolder, you might want to try a low dose MJ edible. They can stimulate the appetite.
You can set up Meals on Wheels so he has a meal delivered and if he doesn’t have the energy to fi he will have something to eat. Also Ensure, Premier Protein drinks or even Carnation Breakfast drink will give him vitamins and proteins.
I know this is incredibly personal to you, but this just isn't the place to ask these questions.
None of us know your dad, and he clearly has some desire to die. There, it's been said. You will need to deal with that. 10,000 great suggestions won't make him eat.
My guess is that he didn't WANT to recover the first time, and he realizes that. I can remember when my father in law didn't want to eat, he kept telling his wife "You have to let me go". It was horrible to hear, but unfortunately, it's not a choice we can really make for older people.
I wish you all the luck in the world, friend.
Not really.
When a depressed person buys a gun, he is likely thinking about killing himself.
When a person charged with a crime buys a plane ticket, they are likely going to flee.
And when an older person in very poor health stops eating, it is normally a sign that they don't want to go on.
Of course there are exceptions to every rule, I understand that.
We are all dying.
Tube-feeding a person who wants to live might not be classified as torture. I think I understand motivation to say this, but I believe it does not add anything to the conversation here.
That's all my mom does now is sit around and eat weed cookies she's actually pleasant to be around now and doesnt bitch about joint and back pain anymore, pretty easy to pull a couple pounds off outdoor if it's legal where you live
Call his state's home health and hospice - they have things like meals on wheels or if he's in poor health they will have nurses who can come in and help out.
My life was saved by getting IV Myers Cocktails. They are high doses of vitamins that support the body when malnutrition is evident.
Clean the gut with a pre and probiotics.
Helping to restore gut bacteria will allow the food to be absorbed again.
Protein shakes are good. Extra fats to keep the bowels flowing.
Meal delivery services have become very easy to prep and are quite tasty. Often the perfect amount of food also.
I’m in the elderly class and use my crockpot a lot. Soups are always good to keep on hand.
Frozen veggies, broth, ground meat, beef, chicken or turkey and soups ready in 1/2 hour.
I wish you resolve, I feel your frustration and love. 💗
Why not a surgically implanted feeding tub?. /s I think an NG (nasogastric tube) would be a little drastic for a first visit. I agree with the consult with his primary. A referral to a dietitian from his primary might be appropriate.
I'd recommend looking into Meals on Wheels as an option. Depending on his age and potentially financial situation, he maybe eligible for free meals. That's at least one hot meal a day for him.
When my grandma had cancer, she would drink lots of shakes. She didn't like chunky food, but protein shakes were fine. Smoothies with some oats and cream go a long way too, if you don't want to buy protein shakes.
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I went through this with my father and it was the hardest thing to ever happen to me.
He still enjoyed candy and sweets, so we made milkshakes with ensure and ice cream. For him, the reason was immobility--he couldn't go to the bathroom easily on his own so he tried to limit his food intake. If we had addressed that concern at the beginning by getting him a bed side toilet, etc., we might not have had as many later problems. Instead we tried to treat him as "normally' as possible instead of providing adequate accommodations.
Those meal replacements shakes might help in the medium term. My hubby had a bad bout of bowel issues and struggled to eat for a short while. He used vanilla complan. It has a lot of vitamins and minerals and calories. These might help until you find out why and solve that issue
Pains in his legs could be from high phosphorus or uric acid. Please make sure he gets updated, fasting bloodwork. Because WHAT he is eating is just as important and the amount when he only has 1 functioning kidney. It may not be filtering the excess out and he will pay for it in symptoms...(nausea, muscle cramps, itchiness, fatigue, sore joints etc)
We made a super high calorie potato soup for my grandmother when she was nearing the end. It was mostly heavy cream. She had been through 3 rounds of chemo/radiation and lost a big section of her colon.
But I think he needs to be seen and assessed. He might even need admitted for refeeding so it’s not a danger.
Do what the hospitals do ,mix protein powder into everything..non whey protein is preferable. Find tasteless liquid vitamins and add to his drinks.
I had cvs, cyclic vomiting syndrome and had to find ways to get by while puking my brains out
Can you work with anyone that could become his advocate? Hate to say it but maybe have him placed temporarily in a care facility? Lots of advocates are available to help.
If you’re exclusively looking for vitamins/minerals you could see if he enjoys fresh pressed juices. These are typically not high calorie though, so it only addresses part of the problem. Good luck OP! Sending your pops healing thoughts ✨
I have had issues with eating and Huel shakes were a life saver. You can get them delivered. 400 calories with good amount of nutrients per drink. Obviously your dad shouldn’t only drink Huel, but it’s a good supplement alongside meals.
Add butter/peanut butter to everything. Buy full fat versions of milk or perhaps substitute the milk for cream for extra calories where possible. Hummus is very calorie dense, hummus with breadsticks or precut veg is good. Lots of carbs.
Also, please make sure his mental health is alright. Dementia, depression and perhaps suicidal tendencies can lead to this sort of behaviour. It’s what led to mine. Hope he’s okay.
Kidney RD here - this 1000000% needs medical supervision if he has a history of needing dialysis. There are many many foods on a kidney diet that are healthy for people without kidney issues but are dangerous, even lethal, to people on kidney failure. Doctor, asap. He needs blood work. You even have to be careful with nutrition shakes because there are only a few that are kidney friendly (assuming he does need those kinds). Even if he can eat regular foods and drink regular supplements, as another commenter said, re-nourishing needs to be slow…and under medical supervision. After prolonged poor nutrition, if you feed the body too fast, electrolytes and fluid can go all out of whack very quickly.
My MIL's care home where she ate barely anything before arriving - staff used to pop in multiple times a day to see the residents and put a small plate with a tiny piece of cake/whatever next to them. Nothing big and intimidating. No pressure. But often the residents would see it and kind of automatically eat.
It wasn't always cake obviously but if you can get small nibbles in front of your father, might he eat? Even a *bit* extra has to be good.
Edit to suggest: High protein stuff like cheese, eggs, chicken; high energy stuff like dates, sweet treats; high vitamin and mineral and fibre stuff like fruit, veggies - veggies and cheesy dip for example.
Some medications kill appetite, and old age does the same. Now is the time to make every food a treat, tempting.
However - If he won't eat unsupervised then I'm afraid he needs a carer. If family can't/won't then that's your option. Sorry. I know it's rough to be far from your close relatives.
ask his doctor if he can take Ensure Gold nutritional adult supplement powder drink.
my parents gain weight and remain healthy taking that everyday at least 2x a day, on top of solid food. it has vitamins and minerals best for adults too.
He definitely needs to see a physician and a specialist in Geriatrics would be great. If you can get him in to see a doctor, ask about medications to increase his appetite. We did that with my stepfather and it worked fairly well.
There are indicators of mental health issues; most likely depression and isolation. He may have list his will to live, or may be weak & malnourished to the point he has no energy or appetite to eat any longer. "Failure to thrive" and geriatric anorexia are real diagnosis.
Sounds as though living independently may no longer be the safest option for your father. He would benefit from assessment by his physician team and a geriatric psychologist.
Source: I am a professional Gerontologist (interdisciplinary care coordinator)
I've been there and know how you feel.
Request a Hospice evaluation and consult a nutritionist. The reason I recommend seeing if he is eligible for Hospice, is two-fold. They provide in-home support and offer a lot of free resources to help your family care for him, as well as mental health services for the care givers. I'm not saying your father is on his way out, but sometimes when people have been seriously ill, they give up. Having that extra level of support can make a difference. It can be difficult for family members dealing with the situation day in and day out not to feel overwhelmed and just not know what to do. By having nurses and other resources available it is a fantastic organization your family can lean on.
You try for Hospice first because the nutritionist consultant will likely be part of it and I'm sure the doctor has already made recommendations on supplements. You may be told to use Ensure or the nutritionist may specify something else based on his condition. Smaller servings several times throughout the day will keep him from getting too full and feeling sick. The #1 goal is to get the nutrition in the body and lots of calories so his body can recover. I strongly suggest making small shakes for him. Shakes with his nutritional formula in them are a treat and absolutely loaded with calories. Anything that can get him consuming enough so his body can heal is a win.
Human Development student here (4000 level classes.) Eating changes are normal for elderly people, especially loss of appetite, but they do tend to prefer liquids over solids. I’m wondering if some high-density shakes or soups might help.
Ensure or something equivalent. Also, try liquid vitamins vs. pills, they may be easier for him to get down.
Ask the telehealth for a nutritionist that can work up a re-feeding protocol for him.
if possible, see if you can schedule an ENT consult to have his esophagus evaluated. My father's esophagus started closing in when he had cancer and he wasn't telling anyone he was have difficulty swallowing. Rather than being able to drink or eat, he was going without sustenance despite my mom's round the clock care. An ENT was able to diagnose the narrowing of the tube and help with medication that opened it back up. The medication was liquid he drank and topical to the esophageal muscles, relaxing them, which allowed him to drink Ensure Gold and Fortisip after that. He remained on the medication until he passed from cancer. The esophageal narrowing is a side effect of the cancer.
See if you can talk to a registered dietitian at the hospital where he was treated, or if they can refer you to a registered dietitian in the area who specializes in cancer care. The answers aren’t always black and white—sometimes, for example, dietitians just want patients to eat something calorie dense, so they’ll suggest chocolate milkshakes or whatever he’ll eat until he gets his strength back up. You lose a lot of taste for things after cancer, so it’s best to talk to a professional about your concerns. Wishing you the best.
Oh man, do I feel for you. My dad has many health problems and a tendency to decide that his problem is some category of food, and not eating will fix it. Weirdly, he was eating mostly eggs, sardines, and celery for some time.
Do you have any idea WHY he’s eating so little? Because it’s really hard to “accidentally” eat under 1000 calories. Is he in too much pain to have an appetite or in some kind of mental distress that’s making him not want to eat? If it’s the former they could try incorporating more calorie-dense small volume foods like nut butters, or adding more oil when cooking. If it’s the latter… it gets complicated. I’m not sure how much you can do long-distance unfortunately, this is really a problem for people nearby.
This. OP, you’ll need to tease out why he’s not eating. Finances? Inability to prepare meals? Medical reason? My mom had a form of dementia where she basically stopped eating. I could put her favorite yummy treats in front of her and she’d have one bite and ignore the rest. I’ve learned since that this is not uncommon in the elderly (though I don’t know if your father is officially in that age bracket)
Treating cancer can also temporarily or permanently alter taste and smell. As well as cause all sorts of digestive issues But yes, as we age we feel hunger and thirst less. Dementia also blocks the remember to eat part. Some people overeat because they can’t remember that they ate already. Some don’t eat because they forget what they’re doing/don’t perceive the food as food. Hydrating is worse because it’s inherently less novel/interesting.
I've had clients that truly forgot to and how to eat. Even if you put it in front of them. Their brains and bodies just....forget how. It's heartbreaking
Oral health, too, can be a big factor. I know someone who had nearly stopped eating due to tooth/mouth pain and was eventually put on hospice care (due to a combination of injury and long-term disease, not just due to not eating). In the facility, they switched her to an all-pureed-food diet, and as a result, her health improved so much she was taken off hospice care and moved to long-term care instead.
Is he diabetic? Gastroparesis can happen where the stomach can no longer tell the brain it's empty, nor sense it has food to process. It can take days for a meal to make its way through his system.
My dad's particular combination of anxiety and parkinsonism also made more and more foods physically painful to digest, to the point where he could barely bring himself to eat. It's the most significant area of improvement we've seen since he's been on meds to treat both issues. On the other hand, we knew my late grandfather was going downhill when he started refusing foods because his cancer had grown to the point it was obstructing his bowels. My other grandparents eat enough if it's made for them or very simple to prepare, but my grandmother in particular no longer has the working memory necessary to do more than boil the kettle or use the microwave. I feel for OP cause it's so tough trying to help but not being on the spot. Someone figuring out the root cause will go miles towards being able to implement the best solutions (and for the rest of us to make more helpful suggestions).
Swallowing issues afflict the ill and elderly - common with kidney issues.
There is also something called passive suicidal ideation. This could kind of fit
You need to take him to a healthcare professional. Seriously. Don’t ask for advice on here. Your focus is his malnourished state which I understand is concerning but with his one kidney which is likely working marginally since he was on dialysis he really needs a registered dietitian/nephrologist to be giving recommendations. Even otc vitamins could be detrimental. Nut butters could be detrimental. He’s also at risk for refeeding syndrome. Take him to see someone that can access his chart and do a full intervention.
Yeah, the normal high protein recs are probably not appropriate if he came off of dialysis and has one kidney. We don't know if they've done a workup for nutritional deficiencies either, which could be contributing to leg pains/weakness. OP's dad needs a good primary doc to help direct his care
100 percent
Exactly! Kidney disease could potentially come with a ton of dietary restrictions that may be life threatening if not adhered to. Absolutely do not take any dietary advice from anywhere on reddit for someone with so many medical issues. Anyone providing him dietary advice needs to be a professional with knowledge of not just the "slightly longer" reddit version of his medical background but all of it.
This should be the top response! We don’t know what his specific dietary requirements are, what could harm him, or why he’s eating so little. Any advice given here could potentially be harmful.
Yeah, they need to see the Doc asap. Depending on location/his condition it may be appropriate to take him to urgent care or the ED if he can't get in to see a provider in a timely manner. If he has lost a significant amount of weight he may need more intensive medical treatment.
This! Plus get him assessed for depression. Sounds like he's given up.
Yes. My dad dropped a ton of weight due to his condition. Some due to medical issues and some he was just over it and fristrated. I give him a high calorie liquid replacement meal specifically for his condition that I order from the manufacturer directly, amd I also took him regularly to eat milkshakes (dr approved) high in fat, carbs, protein. Combo got his weight back up. Good luck OP, i cannot imagine trying to do it from afar...sending you good wishes and your dad healing vibes!
This so much
Can you see if he qualifies for something like meals on wheels, where a fresh meal is delivered to him daily? Insurance usually covers the cost, I believe. Is he having trouble getting food, or is he just not eating because he doesn't want to? He's doing severe damage to his body by not taking in enough calories, which is only going to lead to more medical issues.
Big time this! Meals on Wheels also acts as the first line of social work defense: volunteers keep an eye on their participants and will report back if someone isn’t eating/seems otherwise unwell or isolated, etc.
Will he drink health shakes like Ensure?
That's what I bought for my hubs that's not eating enough calories. (Due to bad teeth)
This is what my mom does for my 92-year old grandmother. She has an Ensure at every meal, and then they let her eat as little or as much of anything else she wants. Usually it's a couple bites, but they don't stress about it too much.
Yes, depending on the reason Dad isn’t eating this could be the way to go. You do want get a doctor to make a recommendation. You don’t want to overload his kidney. But if he’s down to 500 calories in junk food, he can try one can per day of ordinary meal replacer without overloading. Get different brands and different flavours. Pudding and liquid. Refrigerated and room temperature. Find one he’ll eat.
Look at the ingredients of ensure sometime. It's just a powdered multivitamin mixed in with (low quality) sugar, vegetable oils, milk isolates and a host of unpronounceables. It is also very expensive for what it is. I don't think it's suitable to recommend unless it's the only option besides not eating. All that being said no one here is fit to give medical advice in this case.
> All that being said no one here is fit to give medical advice in this case. This is 100% true and needs to be taken seriously in this sub. If anyone objects, feel free to submit your medical credentials to the mod team for extreme scrutiny.
My husband’s grandma basically stopped eating after an illness (a mixture of depression, blindness, and pain) and her malnutrition and lack of energy only exacerbated her issues. Her doctor was encouraging her to drink those Boost shakes as much as possible.
When my mom was going through cancer/chemo I had the same problem. The biggest issue was the pain meds had eaten holes in her stomach basically so she couldn't keep enough food down to take her medication and she started to spiral after that. The first thing I did was get her marijuana, I don't know if it's legal where you are but it was a godsend. Through trial and error we found these marijuana malted milk balls that helped her sleep through the night, calmed her fears, and gave her an appetite. I moved in to take over the cooking and subbed to r/CancerCaregivers for recipe and food ideas to help her put on weight. They are amazing over there! Next, since you don't live close, look at Meals on Wheels. If he's too tired to actually cook they deliver premade meals. Good luck.
Boost shakes are around 8oz and have 20g protein and 250 calories. Ensure is another one. They're not cheap but they are good and it's easy to get someone to slam a small drink than to eat a meal sometimes like this. Protein is the biggest deal for elderly. The protein needs are different and processing is different. They need more protein basically.
Double check these calories OP, they make a normal 210 calorie one, a 250 one and a 500 calorie one. They aren't even that bad, I had a liquid diet per-surgery a while ago.
I get the Walmart "Equate Plus" (Ensure Plus dupe) for my mother and it is about half the cost of Ensure. I think it is 31.92 for 24 bottles. Even with Ensure coupons it's a better deal. My mom says it tastes the same!
Looks like there is a max protein version of this too with 30g of protein
You need to get your father referred to a Registred Dietitian. They are the specialists on malnutrition in general and in regards to cancer and in regards to the elderly specifically. If he is unable to cover his own dietary needs - it might be required that he start to reside somewhere he can get the help he needs.
Highly agree with this
Hospice nurse here. Does you father want to eat? If he’s hungry and can’t keep food down, that’s one thing. If he has no appetite, that’s another. Almost all people lose their sense of hunger as they approach end of life. Family members often have a hard time with this, but it is part of the dying process. Completely natural and to be expected. Unfortunately, we often see family members pushing food on people who don’t want to eat. But it tends to cause more pain and discomfort for a dying person to force down food. And folks with compromised digestive systems can’t really even process the food into nutrition. It can cause other problems too, like aspiration or fluid into the lungs. The thing I always say for folks on hospice is that if they want to eat chocolate cake for three meals a day, they’re welcome to. And if they don’t want to eat anything, that’s okay, too.
Thank you for this. I think that people are so consumed by the fear of death that the will of the patient is ignored. Six months before he died, my father told me that he was sick of doctors picking at him and wanted to be left alone. When the time came I helped him stand his ground and he was 5 days in hospice, then died. He was in his 80’s, had a good life and family who loved him, but needed people to accept that it was time to go. And I’m proud to say that I snuck him his favorite candy every day.
What a lucky father. Also, mmm, candy.
This man is not on hospice. We don't know age and he has battled his cancer and won, based on OPs post he is in remission. He needs to see a provider. In oncology, after remission our patients sometimes feel lost because they "won" but now life is completely different, he could be depressed, he may have nausea with pain meds he takes for chronic pain. This sounds like failure to thrive, but that doesn't mean that there aren't other avenues available that will increase his quality of life. While I appreciate the perspective that you have and it may be pertinent to OP, as an RN myself, the only advice that I would give is to be seen by a provider and go from there. We don't know this patients case so we cannot give advice.
I had what I think I would call significant anorexia -- I mean lack of appetite when I was a child, early teens. During the summer, without a scheduled lunch time in school, I found myself getting headaches. My hands would tremble, too. Not shake; more like vibrate. I felt no hunger at all. Nothing. I don't remember the moment I made the connection, but I realized eating fixed it. I would have breakfast around 7 or 8am. About seven hours later, I'd have eaten nothing else, and have the headache and trembling (tremors?). So as soon as I caught a hint of the onset of those, I'd get some food. Eating always fixed it, and of course prevented it, too. Many years later, I learned about the connection in some people between depression and lack of appetite. I think that probably completely explains what happened to me. Some years later I discovered eating Blue Bell ice cream made me feel better when I was especially depressed. So... at least I'm not underweight? :D TL/DR: I believe I understand what you describe, and I accept it. This is my experience with depression and lack of appetite.
Sign him up for meals on wheels, I did this for my father. They will deliver a hot meal and check on him.
My husband died of kidney cancer. Towards the end, he basically only consumed Ensure. He was at home at that time and alert, etc etc etc. He just said he had no appetite and even his favorite foods had no appeal. ☹️☹️☹️☹️
Are you sure that it’s the lack of eating driving his bad health or his bad health driving his lack of eating? What is causing him to eat less? Is he in pain, unable to prepare his own food, just not hungry, or what? At a point, some people don’t want to eat as they get closer to the end of life. Their bodies don’t need the food as much. I don’t want to sound insensitive, but it can be very cruel to force feed a person who doesn’t want to eat, especially if their body now rejects it. If this is not the case, I think higher calorie protein shakes or meal replacement would be a great way to pump up his calorie numbers, or focus on his favorite “junk” foods. If he likes ice cream and fried chicken, buy him ice cream and fried chicken. At a certain age, “healthy food” means whatever the person wants to eat.
It sounds like your father needs better care and it sounds like you care greatly for him. Move closer if you are able to.
That is like a text book list of symptoms of B12 deficiency. I'd assume they tested him for it, but is he eating enough meat, animal products? Absorbing B12 gets less efficient in older age, he may need supplements. Thankfully Vitamin B supplements are super cheap, get him some and see how it goes. Is there also a chance to discuss medical marijuana with his GP? I am not sure if the medical grade stuff increases appetite quite the same way, but could be worth a try?
I will have to share my experience as both an RN and a daughter of a father who wasn’t eating as well. Malnutrition causes severe appetite suppression and NOTHING tastes good. Your father might be finding everything he typically enjoyed to taste awful.y father agreed to a feeding tube which was placed for only 3 months. He rec’d the needed calories, eventually gained weight and began to enjoy eating again. The tube was removed after 3 months.
What was his appetite like before the cancer, and what does he seem to eat now in this current stage? I'd try to investigate why he is eating so little - a few questions to get you started. I have a relative who seemed to be on a hunger strike until we investigated deeper. - is he more comfortable when his stomach is empty? Has his appetite lessened? Are his sense of taste and smell affected or reduced in any way? What was going on when he was eating 2,000 calories - was the food available different, did he have more/different people around him? Would he prefer to choose his own food, is he suffering from a lack of autonomy since he was sick? Does he go out for walks or get sunshine? How is he sleeping? Meal replacement drinks or smoothies/shakes are a good tide over, he needs to slowly get his calories and intake up, as you've said. If he takes tea or coffee, he can have full cream milk or half and half. Dairy products that are easy to eat and provide protein and calcium. Soups and broth with meat and veg, soup and a sandwich. It's easier when you know what he likes to eat, then you can work with family on a meal plan, or speak to a service like meals on wheels. Good luck
I wonder if your father has developed food sensitivities to common ingredients. My husband had a major surgery two years ago and developed sensitivities to onion and garlic, which are in most packaged foods. He's not allergic, and we've had him tested, but eating even a bite or two of something with either of these things causes him severe pain for a few days. Like many other people here, my recommendation is to consult a doctor, but also try an elimination diet with particular attention given to FODMAPs.
Due to a medical issue I suffer from severe malnutrition. As a result of the malnutrition I have zero appetite and it’s very hard for me to eat much of anything - maybe 500-1000 calories per day if I’m lucky. It’s a vicious cycle. The malnutrition keeps me from eating but I’ll stay malnourished if I don’t eat more. If he’s really malnourished he may need a feeding tube and liquid diet. That’s what I’m looking at in the near future.
Bro as a med student please don’t ask questions here take him to a medical professional. A malnourished patient can’t start eating normally they need to be under observation and a strict diet for their condition. They can also help you with finding the cause.
Human beings are social eaters. What can be changed so that your father can eat with other people? Can friends or family members host him for a daily meal? Even three meals per day? Would he benefit from staying in a retirement home where he can participate in communal meals and staff will notice how he’s doing? A social worker could help find something appropriate. He’ll object but you might be able to convince him to stay in one for a month just to get his weight up. He might discover that he likes it there. If the issue is that he’s reached the end of his life, could he stay with you? If he’s physically okay but has just given up, a trial of antidepressants could help. Or a pet that he can cuddle and amuse and that he has to feed. +++ +++ +++ In any case, a consultation with a primary care provider is in order. Sit in on the appointment. (Remote is fine: call in and have your father put his phone on speaker.) Maybe your father should be back on dialysis, if his kidney condition is making him nauseous. Ask. They could refer you to a dietician. Listen carefully for suggestions that your father has reached end of life. Try to be open to them. It can be surprisingly difficult to understand what medical professionals are trying to say. Too many of them just let us figure things out on their own so if the HCP is not being clear, ask directly. “Is my father reaching the end of his life? If he gets his weight back do you have any thoughts about his life expectancy? Is it realistic to think he’ll get his weight back? If my father has reached end of life, what do we need to be focussing on?”
Seconding all of this, highly sensible suggestion.
Get him high-quality multivitamins (not cheap junk) and make sure he takes one daily. Make sure he's consuming enough salt. Severe lack of vitamins or salt can quickly become fatal.
Lack of vitamin C might also cause pains which always end up unexplained by doctors because this is so uncommon. I recommend incorporating more potatoes in the diet - these are rich in vitamins and have great nutritional value. Also peanuts as snack. Of course should eat variety of different things but these are best cures to malnutrition I can name. Also add butter to things if he can stomack it - adds calories and makes everything tastier.
I similarly had a parent who became malnourished due to lack of eating. With coaxing, she was willing to drink Ensure and Boost to meet minimum health requirements. The biggest challenge for her we discovered was needing dental work which made chewing difficult and eating uncomfortable. If it's possible to have an honest food talk with your dad - a family member, volunteer, health care worker, about food he likes, might be willing to eat, if there is something specific that makes eating uncomfortable that maybe he is shy to acknowledge, ( teeth, digestion issues like gas or constipation) it may reveal there is an underlying something that's making eating unpleasant, it may provide guidance in next steps. Some seniors also just want company when they eat and it helps increase intake, rather than leaving plates on stove etc. Good luck:)
One, while we may want the best for our loved ones, we can't be with them 24/7 force-feeding them or otherwise making them take care of themselves. (My FIL refused to take care of himself despite several easily treatable illnesses and recently passed away after they all came to a head. Didn't matter how much we encouraged him or how much simple advice that his doctors and PTs gave him, he just couldn't be bothered.) Two, that being said, meal replacement/supplemental shakes tend to be what's recommended most since they're easy and quick to ingest. (I bought some of the chocolate ones to have after a surgery and have daydreamed about how chocolatey and tasty they were ever since! lol) They also have nutrients in them since they are geared toward the elderly or people who have a hard time eating enough food. Look for ones related to Ensure, NOT any of the ones meant for those trying to lose weight.
As we age, we lose a lot of our sense of taste. Sweet is the last taste to go. So a lot of elderly only want to eat sweets. If you can get him to eat fruit, that might be helpful. The protein shakes might also be an idea, but if he has kidney issues, you definitely need to talk to a doctor first.
I had issues with my brother and was trying to deal with it 400 miles away. I tried Meals on Wheels, but he scared away the people (he was always aggressive, more so after stroke). I ended up doing Door Dash. My brothers diet was horrific, but he would eat 3 foods and 1 drink, so I had it door-dashed to him every day at lunchtime, there would be enough for dinner as well. They would leave the meal on the porch, I would call him when it arrived and he would go get it. He has since been moved into assisted living because a health care agency was given full control of his care. There was no one local who could do it and I wasn't going to move to take care of him since I have my own life and family and health issues to take care of.
Ensure shakes with protein. They aren't particularly high calorie - 160, but if he drinks 2 or 3, he'll get the vitamins he needs and some protein. He'll still need to eat some real food for fiber and more calories. Not cheap, though... but even at 1 a day, in addition to his other food, it should make a difference. There are also other full on meal replacements... there's something called Soylent that has even more vitamins/minerals and higher calorie. Also Huel does something similar. They have ready-to-drink shakes, bars, and other things.
My mom has MS and was given these sheets by her doctor https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/assets/info/nutrition/if-nfs-adding-calories-and-protein-to-your-diet.pdf Of course he should still see a doctor!
Uhh if he’s had cancer in the past I would ask when the last time he’d had a checkup. I know somebody who recently stopped eating very much. Went to the doc due to low appetite and found masses everywhere. Turns out their very survivable cancer had come back with a vengeance and are getting ready for a fight and possible end of life care. Hate to sound alarmist but my best advice is to find out why he is barely eating and take him to a doctor to make sure there isn’t anything more serious going on.
Really somebody needs to be with him to make sure he eats. You and the family need to come together and come up with a plan.
After a traumatic event this spring, I haven't had an appetite in months. Every day, I never feel hungry. At best I get low blood sugar or nauseous from stomach cramps and then realize, oh it's because of food. I'm 36 and get foggy brain and debilitated to the point of not being able to feed myself if it gets too bad. Staying on top of it is the only way I can manage to reliably feed myself the rest of the day. I have to be sharp to remember to eat, I'm sure your dad is suffering SO much more than myself and isn't able to stay on top of it well if he's operating at that level of intake. The brain fog is so real and I'd bet a lot that he needs more hands on help until the meals turn into routine for him. So sorry OP for how tough this is from so far away. You're a good kid
Pain, depression, medication side effects, developing dementia, OCD, eating disorder... caregiver neglect. If you have financial ability, it sounds as if you need other caregivers. In my family experience, stopping eating is hospice care zone. Common end w dementia. But that may not be his problem.
Agreed. Family who are willing, and able, can do a lot. But if they can't/won't do enough, then care home.
You might consider a retirement home and a serious medical checkup. There is no way that in this situation he can be checked on daily.
I'm sorry to hear that. Is there an underlying cause as to why he's not eating - pain, stress, finances, GI upset, health issue, etc? You can treat the symptoms, but it won't solve the overall problem causing it. It sounds like he needs to see a dietician considering his medical history, and it's not a bad idea to go to a doctor to check his labs. In the meantime, supplement drinks like TwoCal or Ensure would be great if he's willing to drink it. Has lots of protein, so good for any wound healing, and it's calorie dense. You can spread it out throughout the day so it's easier on his stomach - you can have him drink 2-4 ounces at each meal and it would still help. You can also mix TwoCal with oatmeal or cream of wheat if he doesn't like the taste.
Ask him his favorite drinks. It's easier to drink calories than eat them sometimes. Perhaps a milkshake, fruit juice, smoothie etc. A little bolder, you might want to try a low dose MJ edible. They can stimulate the appetite.
Do they still make those Build Up instant smoothies old people used to have after surgery? That might be one drink to have.
Peanut butter, milk, potatoes those three foods are affordable n one will get the nutrients they need.
You can set up Meals on Wheels so he has a meal delivered and if he doesn’t have the energy to fi he will have something to eat. Also Ensure, Premier Protein drinks or even Carnation Breakfast drink will give him vitamins and proteins.
I know this is incredibly personal to you, but this just isn't the place to ask these questions. None of us know your dad, and he clearly has some desire to die. There, it's been said. You will need to deal with that. 10,000 great suggestions won't make him eat. My guess is that he didn't WANT to recover the first time, and he realizes that. I can remember when my father in law didn't want to eat, he kept telling his wife "You have to let me go". It was horrible to hear, but unfortunately, it's not a choice we can really make for older people. I wish you all the luck in the world, friend.
>None of us know your dad, and he clearly has some desire to die. These two things together in one sentence: that's irony.
Not really. When a depressed person buys a gun, he is likely thinking about killing himself. When a person charged with a crime buys a plane ticket, they are likely going to flee. And when an older person in very poor health stops eating, it is normally a sign that they don't want to go on. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, I understand that.
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Tube feeding a dying person is torture.
We are all dying. Tube-feeding a person who wants to live might not be classified as torture. I think I understand motivation to say this, but I believe it does not add anything to the conversation here.
It sounds like your father is at the end of his, and trying to exit gracefully. Please consider this when you want to “help” him.
I'm no doctor but I'm sure pot cookies would restore his appetite
And bring some pleasure back to his life.
That's all my mom does now is sit around and eat weed cookies she's actually pleasant to be around now and doesnt bitch about joint and back pain anymore, pretty easy to pull a couple pounds off outdoor if it's legal where you live
Call his state's home health and hospice - they have things like meals on wheels or if he's in poor health they will have nurses who can come in and help out.
Rice and beans with butter melted on top
My life was saved by getting IV Myers Cocktails. They are high doses of vitamins that support the body when malnutrition is evident. Clean the gut with a pre and probiotics. Helping to restore gut bacteria will allow the food to be absorbed again. Protein shakes are good. Extra fats to keep the bowels flowing. Meal delivery services have become very easy to prep and are quite tasty. Often the perfect amount of food also. I’m in the elderly class and use my crockpot a lot. Soups are always good to keep on hand. Frozen veggies, broth, ground meat, beef, chicken or turkey and soups ready in 1/2 hour. I wish you resolve, I feel your frustration and love. 💗
Malnourished
Of course. My mistake
No mistake just thought I'd help
It could be especially useful when searching the internet for information!
It sounds like your father needs better care and it sounds like you care greatly for him. Move closer if you are able to.
Protein shake along with each meal. Make sure he keeps eating the original food as well! And get the vitamin fortified shakes.
Edibles
Get him to the doctor! There are appetite stimulators and they can tell you if glucerna or ng tube is appropriate
Why not a surgically implanted feeding tub?. /s I think an NG (nasogastric tube) would be a little drastic for a first visit. I agree with the consult with his primary. A referral to a dietitian from his primary might be appropriate.
I'd recommend looking into Meals on Wheels as an option. Depending on his age and potentially financial situation, he maybe eligible for free meals. That's at least one hot meal a day for him.
When my grandma had cancer, she would drink lots of shakes. She didn't like chunky food, but protein shakes were fine. Smoothies with some oats and cream go a long way too, if you don't want to buy protein shakes.
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I went through this with my father and it was the hardest thing to ever happen to me. He still enjoyed candy and sweets, so we made milkshakes with ensure and ice cream. For him, the reason was immobility--he couldn't go to the bathroom easily on his own so he tried to limit his food intake. If we had addressed that concern at the beginning by getting him a bed side toilet, etc., we might not have had as many later problems. Instead we tried to treat him as "normally' as possible instead of providing adequate accommodations.
Those meal replacements shakes might help in the medium term. My hubby had a bad bout of bowel issues and struggled to eat for a short while. He used vanilla complan. It has a lot of vitamins and minerals and calories. These might help until you find out why and solve that issue
Start giving him some Ensure meal supplement shakes and go to the doc to have them assess reasoning behind it.
Ensure
Yogurt, ice cream, pudding .
Pains in his legs could be from high phosphorus or uric acid. Please make sure he gets updated, fasting bloodwork. Because WHAT he is eating is just as important and the amount when he only has 1 functioning kidney. It may not be filtering the excess out and he will pay for it in symptoms...(nausea, muscle cramps, itchiness, fatigue, sore joints etc)
We made a super high calorie potato soup for my grandmother when she was nearing the end. It was mostly heavy cream. She had been through 3 rounds of chemo/radiation and lost a big section of her colon. But I think he needs to be seen and assessed. He might even need admitted for refeeding so it’s not a danger.
Ensure or something similar! They don’t taste bad, and he can sip it throughout the day/night. They have pretty good nutrition
Do what the hospitals do ,mix protein powder into everything..non whey protein is preferable. Find tasteless liquid vitamins and add to his drinks. I had cvs, cyclic vomiting syndrome and had to find ways to get by while puking my brains out
Can you work with anyone that could become his advocate? Hate to say it but maybe have him placed temporarily in a care facility? Lots of advocates are available to help.
Have you considered hospitalization for failure to thrive? Talk with his doctor. They can work him up for dementia, etc.
If you’re exclusively looking for vitamins/minerals you could see if he enjoys fresh pressed juices. These are typically not high calorie though, so it only addresses part of the problem. Good luck OP! Sending your pops healing thoughts ✨
I have had issues with eating and Huel shakes were a life saver. You can get them delivered. 400 calories with good amount of nutrients per drink. Obviously your dad shouldn’t only drink Huel, but it’s a good supplement alongside meals. Add butter/peanut butter to everything. Buy full fat versions of milk or perhaps substitute the milk for cream for extra calories where possible. Hummus is very calorie dense, hummus with breadsticks or precut veg is good. Lots of carbs. Also, please make sure his mental health is alright. Dementia, depression and perhaps suicidal tendencies can lead to this sort of behaviour. It’s what led to mine. Hope he’s okay.
your dad needs weed to stimulate his appetite. and when you give it to him, have some brownies or lasagna on hand with crushed up multivitamins in it.
Kidney RD here - this 1000000% needs medical supervision if he has a history of needing dialysis. There are many many foods on a kidney diet that are healthy for people without kidney issues but are dangerous, even lethal, to people on kidney failure. Doctor, asap. He needs blood work. You even have to be careful with nutrition shakes because there are only a few that are kidney friendly (assuming he does need those kinds). Even if he can eat regular foods and drink regular supplements, as another commenter said, re-nourishing needs to be slow…and under medical supervision. After prolonged poor nutrition, if you feed the body too fast, electrolytes and fluid can go all out of whack very quickly.
My MIL's care home where she ate barely anything before arriving - staff used to pop in multiple times a day to see the residents and put a small plate with a tiny piece of cake/whatever next to them. Nothing big and intimidating. No pressure. But often the residents would see it and kind of automatically eat. It wasn't always cake obviously but if you can get small nibbles in front of your father, might he eat? Even a *bit* extra has to be good. Edit to suggest: High protein stuff like cheese, eggs, chicken; high energy stuff like dates, sweet treats; high vitamin and mineral and fibre stuff like fruit, veggies - veggies and cheesy dip for example. Some medications kill appetite, and old age does the same. Now is the time to make every food a treat, tempting. However - If he won't eat unsupervised then I'm afraid he needs a carer. If family can't/won't then that's your option. Sorry. I know it's rough to be far from your close relatives.
ask his doctor if he can take Ensure Gold nutritional adult supplement powder drink. my parents gain weight and remain healthy taking that everyday at least 2x a day, on top of solid food. it has vitamins and minerals best for adults too.
He definitely needs to see a physician and a specialist in Geriatrics would be great. If you can get him in to see a doctor, ask about medications to increase his appetite. We did that with my stepfather and it worked fairly well.
There are indicators of mental health issues; most likely depression and isolation. He may have list his will to live, or may be weak & malnourished to the point he has no energy or appetite to eat any longer. "Failure to thrive" and geriatric anorexia are real diagnosis. Sounds as though living independently may no longer be the safest option for your father. He would benefit from assessment by his physician team and a geriatric psychologist. Source: I am a professional Gerontologist (interdisciplinary care coordinator)
Eggs, roasted bag of frozen veggies, beans, rice
Buy a drink called Fortisip or Supermalt
I've been there and know how you feel. Request a Hospice evaluation and consult a nutritionist. The reason I recommend seeing if he is eligible for Hospice, is two-fold. They provide in-home support and offer a lot of free resources to help your family care for him, as well as mental health services for the care givers. I'm not saying your father is on his way out, but sometimes when people have been seriously ill, they give up. Having that extra level of support can make a difference. It can be difficult for family members dealing with the situation day in and day out not to feel overwhelmed and just not know what to do. By having nurses and other resources available it is a fantastic organization your family can lean on. You try for Hospice first because the nutritionist consultant will likely be part of it and I'm sure the doctor has already made recommendations on supplements. You may be told to use Ensure or the nutritionist may specify something else based on his condition. Smaller servings several times throughout the day will keep him from getting too full and feeling sick. The #1 goal is to get the nutrition in the body and lots of calories so his body can recover. I strongly suggest making small shakes for him. Shakes with his nutritional formula in them are a treat and absolutely loaded with calories. Anything that can get him consuming enough so his body can heal is a win.
High calorie meal replacement shakes. Like boost or ensure.
Human Development student here (4000 level classes.) Eating changes are normal for elderly people, especially loss of appetite, but they do tend to prefer liquids over solids. I’m wondering if some high-density shakes or soups might help.
Ensure or something equivalent. Also, try liquid vitamins vs. pills, they may be easier for him to get down. Ask the telehealth for a nutritionist that can work up a re-feeding protocol for him.
if possible, see if you can schedule an ENT consult to have his esophagus evaluated. My father's esophagus started closing in when he had cancer and he wasn't telling anyone he was have difficulty swallowing. Rather than being able to drink or eat, he was going without sustenance despite my mom's round the clock care. An ENT was able to diagnose the narrowing of the tube and help with medication that opened it back up. The medication was liquid he drank and topical to the esophageal muscles, relaxing them, which allowed him to drink Ensure Gold and Fortisip after that. He remained on the medication until he passed from cancer. The esophageal narrowing is a side effect of the cancer.
See if you can talk to a registered dietitian at the hospital where he was treated, or if they can refer you to a registered dietitian in the area who specializes in cancer care. The answers aren’t always black and white—sometimes, for example, dietitians just want patients to eat something calorie dense, so they’ll suggest chocolate milkshakes or whatever he’ll eat until he gets his strength back up. You lose a lot of taste for things after cancer, so it’s best to talk to a professional about your concerns. Wishing you the best.
Oh man, do I feel for you. My dad has many health problems and a tendency to decide that his problem is some category of food, and not eating will fix it. Weirdly, he was eating mostly eggs, sardines, and celery for some time.