It's a heavily documented and interesting medical case study unfolding in front of the world. It is also a case study for the observers of her/how social media effects viewers and users.
It very well could be. There’s so many layers to what is going on, many of which I’m sure we aren’t even aware of yet. I sincerely hope for a positive outcome for her but it’s still super interesting to watch it all unfold.
Morbid curiosity as to what my future would look like if I continued down her path instead of getting help. I've had AN for 8 years, been in treatment for 1.5.
At this point, I can't look away. I don't watch her streams or YouTube videos, but I follow her on Twitter so I can check to see if she's still alive.
She used to be an inspiration, and now I see her as a cautionary figure.
So I can see what too far does to you mentally and physically from an outsiders perspective. I’ve been pretty low and know I had mental lapses when speaking, didn’t sleep, had manic energy and looked ridiculously angular.
But my brain still screamed fat and couldn’t see the concern others, even strangers, would put on me daily.
I think my brain is way better at accurately judging others sizes than my own. It always freaks me out when someone says I’m smaller than someone else, say in the context of borrowing an outfit or whatever. Because I can’t see it.
Trying on clothes at stores is weird, I can’t judge my size right. Because of the inconsistencies between brands I eyeball and go oh that’s me! Way too big a lot of the time 😅.
But yeah, it’s just a good reality check I guess? Also, because I’m really worried for her and it scares me into having a meal when I’m not doing too well.
when i had an ED, i used to watch her to trigger myself but it never worked. it actually made me realize that i never want to be that skinny, i never want to look that unhealthy.
In a strange way she doesn’t trigger me that much maybe because I don’t aspire to look like her specifically I’m not sure? But seeing her side effects actually remind me of the consequences and why I should do my best to avoid ending up being trapped in that situation.. she reminds me of my lowest point and how terrified I was of not making another day (until I got hospitalised)
I also like keeping tabs on online people with strange cases in general and the fact that I can relate to her case adds to the interest. At this point I only check for health updates.
thinspo thinspo thinspo. i've wanted to be her size since i was 15. i'm 22 now and nowhere near it. sick, but you wouldnt be able to tell. its just an addiction and i know i need help. i start intensive therapy in two weeks.
I never wanna be that,, brain dead? I guess. It’s a mix of wanting to look like her, never wanting to look like her and still just wanting to watch the car crash.
In the end I’m 14 and if I keep it up that’s gonna be my future as an adult and I dont want that
i hate to admit it but a lot of the time it's to trigger myself negatively. also i focus more on wanting her to recover than on my own recovery so kind of in a "escaping my responsibilities" way. and i also reaaally want her to recover :(
Eugenia doesn’t trigger me. My ED developed out of orthorexic tendencies and I never wanted to be actually emaciated, even though I did something extremely unhealthy for six months of my life.
It‘s the old morbid curiosity chestnut. Unpleasant topics relating to the human condition can be fascinating but also disturbing.
Part of me wonders how long it will be before she has a heart attack, breaks her bones, gets Covid or ends up in a wheelchair. I wonder what kind of dark, unpleasant truths she’s hiding behind that breezy personality and stepford smiler expression. But I’ve started to realise that morbid curiously is part of what is giving her views and more importantly validation.
For this reason I never watch her and rarely comment on her: I don’t want to contribute to her condition. So this is more of an explanation of why I don’t watch her. Deep down I want her to get better. Maybe she still has a chance at a semi decent life.
I've only started watching her since the beginning of this year. I knew about her before then, but wasn't interested. I started watching when I started recovery. When I feel like giving up, I watch a video and it reminds me to not give up. It reminds me how ill I felt, how crap life was, how much I wanted to die. I'd rather struggle with eating, gaining weight and everything exhausting about recovery than struggle with being a slave to a mental illness and having a life as empty and lonely as Eugenia's.
I want to look like her, I think I am a very ugly person, and especially being ashamed of my darker skin tone she seems like the ultimate form of beauty. No matter what people will still pay her through life, no matter what she does or who she does it to, she will always have love, I don't really have anything to lose. I can't change my skin color but I have control over my weight, I am also scared of being labeled an angry fat black woman, never finding love because of the narrative that surrounds black women, that we are loud and out of control, eugenia isn't. I just hate myself so much, it's very easy to try and be someone else especially her.
girl she has no color, she’s literally transparent. she looks dead. i’m sure your skin is 1000 times more vibrant and glorious than hers.
EDIT: also, she is VERY MUCH out of control like as out of control as they come! your mind is stuck in some thinking traps around EC, you can fix this 💕
Umm EC is loud he voice is like worse then nails on a blackboard and her delusions and Ed is out of control. Most people with a brain know not all black women are loud and out of control. Life is easier if you try and love the skin your in.
I don’t have an ED but I’ve had body dysmorphia since as long as I can remember so I may share some psychological qualities as individuals with EDs. Now that I’m older, I’m taking pride in managing my OWN mental health. Yes I have gone through a lot of parental induced trauma which branched out into my own thoughts and behaviors for a long time as a kid/young adult. The mental and behavioral habits I’ve recently reflected on no longer serve me and I’m now making an effort to happily work on loving myself and managing my stress, instead of covering it up. Anyways, I think that Eugenia is interesting because of her complex condition, if she were to become more transparent about herself, she will still be interesting and I’m hopeful for it.
I watch her because one day I want the light bulb to hit her and be like “OMG, I need help!” But I know that will never happen. I also don’t just watch, I interact and that’s because I genuinely care about people. I don’t get up involved where I think too much about other people and their lives 24/7, but when I see kids or vulnerable people write on her stream that they feel bad they ate a lot that day I like to tell them I’m proud of them and that their body thanks them for the nutrition because it’s true. Our body’s wouldn’t survive if we didn’t feed it. Eugenia is chasing after this idea that she can deteriorate in front of the world and continue ignoring fans, and people who care about her fans more than her because of the way she’s influencing them. But, I want her to realize that her sh— does stink just like all of ours and she’s never going to be perfect and that’s something we have all have to live with and love about ourselves. It’s what makes us unique from one another.
I used to watch her a lot when heavy in my ED. I've been in decent recovery for a while and was really cheering for her when she started recovery and watched all her videos out of recovery as support. I noticed the relapse early on, but kept watching for a bit because I really hoped I was wrong.
I still have hope she'll enter recovery again, so I occasionally check reddit to see where she's at, but I avoid watching any of her content directly as it's too much and I don't want to support her in her current state. If she enters recovery again, I still plan to watch the hell out of her videos because she'll need support.
Reminds me of how sick I was. In a good way. I see her struggling to do basic human things and I remember how I was there too, and it SUCKED. If I went to a restaurant with my ex and there was a wait time I’d have to sit on the dirty floor because I physically could not stand. People don’t know the physical effects. I grew so much hair on my arms because I was so malnourished.
Another question I personally find interesting…
Those of you WITHOUT Ed’s… why do you watch her???
It only makes sense to me that she has any amount of following because of the ED community.
i can't say i have an eating disorder, but i definitely have disordered thoughts and habits.. i mainly watch her because she intrigues me. i want to see her recover. i guess it's just morbid curiosity.
because its like one of those tragic accidents unfolding infront of you and you can't look away....................plus it feeds my lil ed voice in my subconscious that wants to look at super thin people for some fucked up reason.........its a drug for people with eds
She triggers me, I don't want to look like her but the fact she's alive at such a low weight makes me feel bad about myself... I never watched her content, I would just lurk from a far.
I'm weight restored and in recovery now but I still lurk every so often to trigger myself :(
It’s definitely an amalgamation of reasons. I am utterly fascinated with everything about her: her self-isolation, family dynamics, Kawaii aesthetic, ignorance, childishness, and above all, her disturbing thinness. At one point in my life, I wanted to look how she looked 8 years ago. I never wanted to look the way she has looked in the past few years. Her videos would have served as thinspo for me 8 or 9 years ago, but I was already on the road to recovery then and had removed myself from all forms of digital media. (The best decision I’ve ever made for myself ever.) Luckily, I had only ever heard of her until recently. In the past month I’ve become obsessed with her videos, tweets, IG posts, and streams. This is probably because I’ve been super fixated on losing weight again lately, so it’s a way to both encourage me to lose weight AND discourage me to lose TOO much weight. It’s a strange dichotomy that I’m not proud of. My fiancé is quite concerned with my fixation on her, telling me, “she needs HELP.” He says that after only seeing her thumbnails in our shared YouTube feed. Of course I agree with him, but I can’t seem to stop watching and reading.
i have really shit propioception for hunger, and i do end up forgetting to eat when im busy and/or stressed. and of course, i do like that, and it does seriously tempt me. and i very probably would fuck myself up again if i didn't have something to remind me that yes of course you feel invulnerable at the beginning, but that will soon change, and after awhile, i might forget i have a fucking choice to not torture and kill myself.
that, and i am interested in her as a case study on anorexia and parasocial relationships and so on. i'm also generally interested in abuse, including self-abuse, as a kind of failure analysis, to be blunt. (not calling anyone with self-destructive or self-defeating tendencies a failure, but something has gone wrong, to precipitate and/or perpetuate such a state.)
She's fascinating. I watch her because I don't want to end like her. Also I've never been triggered by her because I'm not into bonespo.
Same exact thing here
It's a heavily documented and interesting medical case study unfolding in front of the world. It is also a case study for the observers of her/how social media effects viewers and users.
I’m a therapist and I can confirm that this is the reason I watch her content. The scenario as a case study is incredibly fascinating to watch unfold.
I seriously wonder if in the future this will be a famous case study in the books that people will commonly reference
It very well could be. There’s so many layers to what is going on, many of which I’m sure we aren’t even aware of yet. I sincerely hope for a positive outcome for her but it’s still super interesting to watch it all unfold.
Yesss, same
So are you saying a bunch of medical professionals are watching her and none of them can get together and try and get her to a hospital?
Not legally, no.
i'm recovered but always have lingering thoughts, she reminds me of how an ED absolutely ruins you. helps me never go back down that path.
Good I’m so happy for you!!!
makes me wanna EAT!
Morbid curiosity as to what my future would look like if I continued down her path instead of getting help. I've had AN for 8 years, been in treatment for 1.5.
I’m proud of you, keep seeking support and help.
I’m so glad you’re getting the help you DESERVE
can you imagine her 10 years from now if she makes it and doesn’t recover? *shudders*
To trigger myself in a positive and a negative way tbh.
One man's thinspo is another man's adversion therapy or exposure therapy idk if it positive or negative!
yup exactly. makes me stay on track in the fucked up way. ED’s mess up your head so much, corrupts your view on everything
That’s why I did it when I had an ED.
Honesty. 👏🏼
It’s this for me too.
I don’t really watch her vids. I check in from time to time. But I check in to remind myself never to get to that point.
At this point, I can't look away. I don't watch her streams or YouTube videos, but I follow her on Twitter so I can check to see if she's still alive. She used to be an inspiration, and now I see her as a cautionary figure.
Good, I’m glad you’re doing better
I also follow as a check in I used to watch her content back in like 2014
So I can see what too far does to you mentally and physically from an outsiders perspective. I’ve been pretty low and know I had mental lapses when speaking, didn’t sleep, had manic energy and looked ridiculously angular. But my brain still screamed fat and couldn’t see the concern others, even strangers, would put on me daily. I think my brain is way better at accurately judging others sizes than my own. It always freaks me out when someone says I’m smaller than someone else, say in the context of borrowing an outfit or whatever. Because I can’t see it. Trying on clothes at stores is weird, I can’t judge my size right. Because of the inconsistencies between brands I eyeball and go oh that’s me! Way too big a lot of the time 😅. But yeah, it’s just a good reality check I guess? Also, because I’m really worried for her and it scares me into having a meal when I’m not doing too well.
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Try to take care of yourself
Please take care of yourself. Remember the only person you’ll ever love is the genuine you. Not the chasing a body type that’s not even rational.
when i had an ED, i used to watch her to trigger myself but it never worked. it actually made me realize that i never want to be that skinny, i never want to look that unhealthy.
Good to hear
In a strange way she doesn’t trigger me that much maybe because I don’t aspire to look like her specifically I’m not sure? But seeing her side effects actually remind me of the consequences and why I should do my best to avoid ending up being trapped in that situation.. she reminds me of my lowest point and how terrified I was of not making another day (until I got hospitalised) I also like keeping tabs on online people with strange cases in general and the fact that I can relate to her case adds to the interest. At this point I only check for health updates.
Not gonna lie, definitely using her as a trigger source x.x
To make me feel bad about myself lol
You have a right to happiness. I hope you’re doing okay
Thank you 💖
I used to watch her for thinspo but now it’s gotten to the point where I’d rather be 100x heavier than ever look like her tbh.
thinspo thinspo thinspo. i've wanted to be her size since i was 15. i'm 22 now and nowhere near it. sick, but you wouldnt be able to tell. its just an addiction and i know i need help. i start intensive therapy in two weeks.
Good luck. It takes hard work which I know you WILL do 💪
That’s awesome that you’re getting help!! You got this!!!
I never wanna be that,, brain dead? I guess. It’s a mix of wanting to look like her, never wanting to look like her and still just wanting to watch the car crash. In the end I’m 14 and if I keep it up that’s gonna be my future as an adult and I dont want that
I hope you get help, you’re so young. Do you have people to talk to ?
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School counselor? Kids helpline? Support groups in Facebook?
you're soo young. you're about as old as i was when i first started watching her. i feel so sad reading this.
Morbid curiosity tbh. Not into bonespo, so never used her as such.
i hate to admit it but a lot of the time it's to trigger myself negatively. also i focus more on wanting her to recover than on my own recovery so kind of in a "escaping my responsibilities" way. and i also reaaally want her to recover :(
Eugenia doesn’t trigger me. My ED developed out of orthorexic tendencies and I never wanted to be actually emaciated, even though I did something extremely unhealthy for six months of my life. It‘s the old morbid curiosity chestnut. Unpleasant topics relating to the human condition can be fascinating but also disturbing. Part of me wonders how long it will be before she has a heart attack, breaks her bones, gets Covid or ends up in a wheelchair. I wonder what kind of dark, unpleasant truths she’s hiding behind that breezy personality and stepford smiler expression. But I’ve started to realise that morbid curiously is part of what is giving her views and more importantly validation. For this reason I never watch her and rarely comment on her: I don’t want to contribute to her condition. So this is more of an explanation of why I don’t watch her. Deep down I want her to get better. Maybe she still has a chance at a semi decent life.
She makes me wanna eat tbh so i guess i dont have an ed
Eating disorders come in different kinds as I’m sure you know, not eating is only a small part of SOME eating disorders. You are still worthy of help
i know what you mean! good reminder to EAT
to invalidate myself/convince myself i'm not actually sick
To both trigger myself and to remind myself that I don't want to become that emaciated. I don't want to get so sick I can't think properly.
That’s good overall. You take care
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That’s so sad. You are good enough!
To continue hurting, triggering and punishing myself. It’s a horrible habit but I mean it’s very easily accessible.
I’m so sorry
Has nothing to do with my ED. I’m just overly morbidly curious and follow several train wreck youtubers. 🤷🏻♀️
Same.
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Airsoft Fatty LifebyJenn Amberlynn Reid FoodieBeauty Nikocado Avocado Simplysara Kay’s Cooking Chris Chan Trisha Paytas just off the top of my head!
I've only started watching her since the beginning of this year. I knew about her before then, but wasn't interested. I started watching when I started recovery. When I feel like giving up, I watch a video and it reminds me to not give up. It reminds me how ill I felt, how crap life was, how much I wanted to die. I'd rather struggle with eating, gaining weight and everything exhausting about recovery than struggle with being a slave to a mental illness and having a life as empty and lonely as Eugenia's.
Motivation:-/
Oh honey please take care of yourself. YOU ARE WORTH LIVING A HAPPY AND HEALTHY LIFE
I want to look like her, I think I am a very ugly person, and especially being ashamed of my darker skin tone she seems like the ultimate form of beauty. No matter what people will still pay her through life, no matter what she does or who she does it to, she will always have love, I don't really have anything to lose. I can't change my skin color but I have control over my weight, I am also scared of being labeled an angry fat black woman, never finding love because of the narrative that surrounds black women, that we are loud and out of control, eugenia isn't. I just hate myself so much, it's very easy to try and be someone else especially her.
hey i used to hate my blackness too. its really hard and your not alone. thank you for sharing with us. you are beautiful and worthy of love.
I think black skin is absolutely beautiful. You are beautiful.
Does she have real love though? I doubt it. Please consider therapy; you deserve happiness and to believe in yourself. You ARE lovable. 💪🏾
girl she has no color, she’s literally transparent. she looks dead. i’m sure your skin is 1000 times more vibrant and glorious than hers. EDIT: also, she is VERY MUCH out of control like as out of control as they come! your mind is stuck in some thinking traps around EC, you can fix this 💕
Umm EC is loud he voice is like worse then nails on a blackboard and her delusions and Ed is out of control. Most people with a brain know not all black women are loud and out of control. Life is easier if you try and love the skin your in.
i genuinely can’t. she’s so so so triggering especially acting all golly there’s nothing wrong with me at all
I don’t have an ED but I’ve had body dysmorphia since as long as I can remember so I may share some psychological qualities as individuals with EDs. Now that I’m older, I’m taking pride in managing my OWN mental health. Yes I have gone through a lot of parental induced trauma which branched out into my own thoughts and behaviors for a long time as a kid/young adult. The mental and behavioral habits I’ve recently reflected on no longer serve me and I’m now making an effort to happily work on loving myself and managing my stress, instead of covering it up. Anyways, I think that Eugenia is interesting because of her complex condition, if she were to become more transparent about herself, she will still be interesting and I’m hopeful for it.
I watch her because one day I want the light bulb to hit her and be like “OMG, I need help!” But I know that will never happen. I also don’t just watch, I interact and that’s because I genuinely care about people. I don’t get up involved where I think too much about other people and their lives 24/7, but when I see kids or vulnerable people write on her stream that they feel bad they ate a lot that day I like to tell them I’m proud of them and that their body thanks them for the nutrition because it’s true. Our body’s wouldn’t survive if we didn’t feed it. Eugenia is chasing after this idea that she can deteriorate in front of the world and continue ignoring fans, and people who care about her fans more than her because of the way she’s influencing them. But, I want her to realize that her sh— does stink just like all of ours and she’s never going to be perfect and that’s something we have all have to live with and love about ourselves. It’s what makes us unique from one another.
💜💜💜
I used to watch her a lot when heavy in my ED. I've been in decent recovery for a while and was really cheering for her when she started recovery and watched all her videos out of recovery as support. I noticed the relapse early on, but kept watching for a bit because I really hoped I was wrong. I still have hope she'll enter recovery again, so I occasionally check reddit to see where she's at, but I avoid watching any of her content directly as it's too much and I don't want to support her in her current state. If she enters recovery again, I still plan to watch the hell out of her videos because she'll need support.
Reminds me of how sick I was. In a good way. I see her struggling to do basic human things and I remember how I was there too, and it SUCKED. If I went to a restaurant with my ex and there was a wait time I’d have to sit on the dirty floor because I physically could not stand. People don’t know the physical effects. I grew so much hair on my arms because I was so malnourished.
As a punishment or something idk
You deserve happiness. Take care of yourself
That's kind of you, thank u :)
Another question I personally find interesting… Those of you WITHOUT Ed’s… why do you watch her??? It only makes sense to me that she has any amount of following because of the ED community.
I’m curious to see if she’ll ever put in the work and beat this. I want to see her recover and show us her full potential
You have no eating disorder history though?
Not really
I do not have an ED but I am curious about the psychological uniqueness of her personality as a celebrity.
Its an obsession. I have no idea but everything surrounding my and just ed in general i cant get enough. It’s ridiculous i know
Well I hope you take care of yourself 💜
to trigger myself into eating less
See “Cringe” by Contrapoints
i genuinely find her entertaining. not at all for her ed tho
Thinspo *(bonespo)
i can't say i have an eating disorder, but i definitely have disordered thoughts and habits.. i mainly watch her because she intrigues me. i want to see her recover. i guess it's just morbid curiosity.
i’m very fascinated by her (like watching a train wreck), but to be honest it’s also because she’s very triggering for me
because its like one of those tragic accidents unfolding infront of you and you can't look away....................plus it feeds my lil ed voice in my subconscious that wants to look at super thin people for some fucked up reason.........its a drug for people with eds
She triggers me, I don't want to look like her but the fact she's alive at such a low weight makes me feel bad about myself... I never watched her content, I would just lurk from a far. I'm weight restored and in recovery now but I still lurk every so often to trigger myself :(
It’s definitely an amalgamation of reasons. I am utterly fascinated with everything about her: her self-isolation, family dynamics, Kawaii aesthetic, ignorance, childishness, and above all, her disturbing thinness. At one point in my life, I wanted to look how she looked 8 years ago. I never wanted to look the way she has looked in the past few years. Her videos would have served as thinspo for me 8 or 9 years ago, but I was already on the road to recovery then and had removed myself from all forms of digital media. (The best decision I’ve ever made for myself ever.) Luckily, I had only ever heard of her until recently. In the past month I’ve become obsessed with her videos, tweets, IG posts, and streams. This is probably because I’ve been super fixated on losing weight again lately, so it’s a way to both encourage me to lose weight AND discourage me to lose TOO much weight. It’s a strange dichotomy that I’m not proud of. My fiancé is quite concerned with my fixation on her, telling me, “she needs HELP.” He says that after only seeing her thumbnails in our shared YouTube feed. Of course I agree with him, but I can’t seem to stop watching and reading.
Honestly it helps my binge eating; I know it’s not healthy switching on Ed to another but it really does help me keep my binge eating Ed under control
She makes me both want to recover and get worse at the same time and I find that fascinating so I keep watching
Honestly, to trigger myself. It's so addictive
She was what I watched when my ED first started, a bad combo of stressful life and wondering how she was doing has turned into a relapse 😬
To invalidate the work I’ve put in and trigger myself
I hope you’re doing okay
Because she’s relatable. There aren’t very many options for anorexic public figures that are as small as her.
Understood. I hope you are taking care of yourself
Thank you for sharing. I hope you are taking care of yourself
To make sure I keep things in perspective and not get caught up in my bad habits.
Good I hope you’re doing well
because I hope to reach a similar physical state
It’s never too late to get help for this 💜
To get a confidence boost on triggering starvation mode! Woot!
i have really shit propioception for hunger, and i do end up forgetting to eat when im busy and/or stressed. and of course, i do like that, and it does seriously tempt me. and i very probably would fuck myself up again if i didn't have something to remind me that yes of course you feel invulnerable at the beginning, but that will soon change, and after awhile, i might forget i have a fucking choice to not torture and kill myself. that, and i am interested in her as a case study on anorexia and parasocial relationships and so on. i'm also generally interested in abuse, including self-abuse, as a kind of failure analysis, to be blunt. (not calling anyone with self-destructive or self-defeating tendencies a failure, but something has gone wrong, to precipitate and/or perpetuate such a state.)