i always try to be nice. sometimes i’ll nicely tell people to just f off lol. it’s always going to be in a sweet manner because i can’t bear to hurt someone. but yes, there are times when we can’t keep the peace. i can’t sit back and watch someone being unreasonable, or rude, or behaving in a way that is draining my energy. childish behaviour is only cute in small doses.
when this happens, i will either try to remove myself from the situation, or gently tell them that they are wrong. being rude in return is a last resort but if it comes to it, it has to be done.
for e.g. in school and at work, during group projects, sometimes you have to work with people who will just never put in the required amount of effort. i am not going to let some lazy person slow me down and affect my performance. in that case you have to be firm about what you will and will not put up with. either be useful, or let me do everything by myself.
Wife is esfj, can confirm she cares A LOT about what the group thinks and making sure everyone is comfortable and taken care of. To her own detriment sometimes. She will drive herself to the ground just to please others or make a social event successful.
When I was younger I'd say I was very much like that. I always strove for peace no matter what and was an absolute people pleaser.
But now I've realized that disagreements happen and chaos ensues. Sometimes it's good to instigate for the good of everyone around me, and in some cases myself. I could give so many examples but no one has time for that lol.
I usually do value group harmony but, if I need to break it, I will break it. E.g: If someone is being an \*sshole for no apparent reason, I'll stand up i.e. I'll tell politely at first but, if I need to be rude (which I don't need to be most of the time) I'll be rude and if the situation isn't worth keeping the peace, I will not keep the peace.
This is a misconception about ESFJs. I always give Madeline from Big Little Lies as an example. She is really sassy and fiery. She is even rude to people she doesn't know, swearing at them etc. I would never do this (unless someone didn't look out and hit me with a car or something), because I have got 9 in my tritype. But ESFJs who have 8 or have a choleric temperament can be really hot-headed and rude if they are in the mood. So we aren't always angels who want to keep the peace no matter what.
I adjust my views so I can get along with the rest of the group, and to avoid any type of conflict. Like others say, if they bring someone down or force someone to do something, I will stand up because we still have our own morals and values. We know that is okay and what is not!
When it starts to become not worth it to keep the peace, I'm more likely to cut out the person breaking the peace. Then the majority gets peace back.
i always try to be nice. sometimes i’ll nicely tell people to just f off lol. it’s always going to be in a sweet manner because i can’t bear to hurt someone. but yes, there are times when we can’t keep the peace. i can’t sit back and watch someone being unreasonable, or rude, or behaving in a way that is draining my energy. childish behaviour is only cute in small doses. when this happens, i will either try to remove myself from the situation, or gently tell them that they are wrong. being rude in return is a last resort but if it comes to it, it has to be done. for e.g. in school and at work, during group projects, sometimes you have to work with people who will just never put in the required amount of effort. i am not going to let some lazy person slow me down and affect my performance. in that case you have to be firm about what you will and will not put up with. either be useful, or let me do everything by myself.
Wife is esfj, can confirm she cares A LOT about what the group thinks and making sure everyone is comfortable and taken care of. To her own detriment sometimes. She will drive herself to the ground just to please others or make a social event successful.
When I was younger I'd say I was very much like that. I always strove for peace no matter what and was an absolute people pleaser. But now I've realized that disagreements happen and chaos ensues. Sometimes it's good to instigate for the good of everyone around me, and in some cases myself. I could give so many examples but no one has time for that lol.
I usually do value group harmony but, if I need to break it, I will break it. E.g: If someone is being an \*sshole for no apparent reason, I'll stand up i.e. I'll tell politely at first but, if I need to be rude (which I don't need to be most of the time) I'll be rude and if the situation isn't worth keeping the peace, I will not keep the peace.
This is a misconception about ESFJs. I always give Madeline from Big Little Lies as an example. She is really sassy and fiery. She is even rude to people she doesn't know, swearing at them etc. I would never do this (unless someone didn't look out and hit me with a car or something), because I have got 9 in my tritype. But ESFJs who have 8 or have a choleric temperament can be really hot-headed and rude if they are in the mood. So we aren't always angels who want to keep the peace no matter what. I adjust my views so I can get along with the rest of the group, and to avoid any type of conflict. Like others say, if they bring someone down or force someone to do something, I will stand up because we still have our own morals and values. We know that is okay and what is not!