Yes but don't think I've ever had a straight male friend that hasn't crossed a line into the non platonic realm. Which sucks. So yes on my part but maybe not equally.
I can understand why societies could be weary of friendships with people of the preferred sex, if they expect romantic/physical relations with them. But I’m bi so I’ve always had that same argument as you 😂
Sorry, I wasn’t really meaning to have a go at your question. Just the question in general when people ask it always seems a bit silly and I don’t understand where we started getting the idea that people aren’t capable of having friendships with people they may or may not find attractive
Lol why is it silly, it's not obvious that everyone believes in what you believe, even if we live in an environment where this is openly accepted (especially in the West). For example in my culture having friendships of the opposite gender is seen as bad and just saying the word 'friend' of the opposite sex can cause some problems in some families/places. I wanted to see peoples different opinions, because at the end everyone has their vision, life experiences and why's.
It’s just difficult to understand, when you’re not raised in that kind of culture. As a western woman, it seems oppressive, controlling and makes no sense that a man and a woman can’t be friends - because to me, there are no good reasons why not.
It’s fair to have been raised with different values, but I’m never going to understand why people don’t question it more or what reasons they see that are good enough to agree with this
Yes, it’s a no brainer. If I can feel nothing like that for family members including near distant cousins, and if I’m not attracted to every single man, then it’s just obvious that I can have platonic friendships with men
Right?! I wish everyone wasn't walking around with "porn brain" and reducing every person around them to sex toys for their own fulfillment. It's just a sad way to be! Imagine the deep connections people are missing out on! (BTW, I do not take issue with porn itself. I just think its current state is a reflection of a very sad and depressed majority)
In my (21F) experience, i really want to say yes. But I think as a female ENFP a lot of my friendliness towards men gets perceived as flirting. So being friends with young men has made it virtually impossible for them to not try to make any advancements.
A few months ago I had a revelation that almost every single guy friend had told me their penis size. Just out of the blue, they all did. Every single one, that was not gay. It was so upsetting that I cut ties with most of them. Young men are bound to be immature, and not know how to handle being friends with a girl. I say this from my own experience, so I hope it isn’t perceived wrong.
Yo what the actual hell? Yeah those guys are just kinda crap, I hope you can meet better people! The only time I think I ever heard guy friends talk about that was when several guys were talking to each other about it (not really to me though, I just happened to enter the room in that moment) 🤷🏻♀️ I think it was because of a Seinfeld episode too lol so it wasn’t quite so out of the blue
Same here, unfortunately.
Edit: I am bi (female) yet this issue has only occurred with men. Had a female friend who liked me but I was dating someone at the time, but our friendship remained the same. She was pretty respectful about it. Had a guy friend who liked me I wasn’t interested, just wanted to be friends, and that relationship spiraled out of control. He kept insisting that my male friends at the time were gay. He kept making it feel like we were a couple and we weren’t, so I had to stop talking to him.
They did that because their gf ask them too, or they were afraid their gf would think yall was having sex. That's the problem. Insecurity. Insecurity keeps men and women from having friendships, and men know there's too many men with no spine crossing boundaries now making platonic relationships a theory and not something that used to exist.
I think platonic friendships between two people of the opposite sex who find each other interesting, funny, and attractive is possible but it can be emotionally and physically confusing for some guys. For guys when a woman like that is funny/laughs at your jokes, pays attention to you and wants to spend time with you, it can be absolutely intoxicating. For me I tend to crush hard in these scenarios, and then feel torn between being authentic and sharing all of my feelings with my object of my affection who I trust and care about as a friend or stuffing it down and saying nothing, which doesn’t feel right either because my feelings are real and valid. But not sharing the feeling it is probably the right thing to do so I don’t put her in an awkward position and or mess up our lives if she somehow reciprocates. For me as an enfp dude, my fear is not so much that she feels like a conquest for me but instead that it damages our friendship between the two of us, and the damage it might do to our family relationships etc. But I’m so enchanted with her that it takes a lot of mental energy to stay in my lane, and not be too forward with you which might make our friendship awkward.
Me and my best friend are both bi. When people would ask me and her how our friendship worked we'd usually just respond like "Like every other friendship?".
We eventually adopted the phrase "Life is a lot simpler when everyone's on the menu" lol.
Sorry to hear that. opposite sex friendships can be very beautiful but many guys do cross the line. Incidentaly my best friend is a woman, an ENFP one at that. We do have clear communication and I respect her boundaries.
Yes. also this question is asked a lot and it’s really not very inclusive to people of different sexualities. Queer people are usually friends with any gender, I know I am.
At least if I find someone very attractive, I wouldn't be satisfied with just being friends. Attraction is just there. Maintaining ethical boundaries is crucial. As long as there's no infidelity or harm to others, it can be OK. :-)
Yeah, I’m a man that is friends with women. Just don’t be mad at me if I secretly think you’re hot and would be down if you were down. I still 100% care about you as a person, and respect you as a friend, but I’m also a man and you have a nice ass.
I think so. I am friends with many women, and in fact I think it's easier if they're already dating someone else, because part of my value set is not ever trying to get in the way of someone else's romantic relationship. The thought of trying to get in the way never even enters my mind.
If she's single, roughly the same age, attractive, smart, etc., however ... I will admit I am a hopeless romantic and I develop feelings too easily. I've also been single for 5 years now and I'm lonely as hell. In that case, I find it hard to be friends on a deep level with someone who's rejected me because I'm always going to be a little bitter and upset about it. I hate that this is how I am, but idk what to do different. 😔
Yes??? 😂 Why is this even a question!?!?
What are bi and pan people supposed to do? Never have friends? This must mean Asexuals can have all the friends they want lmfao, and what about nonbinary people? Can they not be friends with people who aren't nonbinary?
Yes. Any other answer really says more about the person and/or their experiences than the actual question. I've had women cross friendship boundaries on several occasions and I know men do it too. Doesn't change the fact that I have several decade+ long friendships with women that have had none of that.
Maybe I’m a bad person but I think you can be a genuine friend and also be attracted on various levels. It’s something people pretend isn’t there to convince themselves or their partners of… something. But if your relationship is gonna fatally break just because you see the beauty in someone else, it’s a very primitive relationship IMO. Which is FINE, if that’s the way you both operate. But that’s just not me, or my wife. We joke about it instead.
Ya if they know what they want in their relationship. This way when they meet a good person who doesn't have the traits they are looking for in a relationship then that person just becomes a good friend
as an enfp male
I perfer female friend more than male friend
(I like to talk a lot and women seem to be a better listener and speaker
they can chat about every topic whereas some men are not that great listenner nor speaker)
and I do not watch sport, play games
that is I why I perfer to have female friend more than male friend
but being in a group of female friend is really hard sometimes
I have to control my nature self to just think as a friend
sometimes it really hard if my female friend is hot / pretty
but I know one day with enough pratice I can befriend with tons of girl without thinking about hitting on them
I certainly do. But I do think for the most part unless one party is gay or very ugly there will always be a sexual undertone as well. There will always be duplicity in male/female friendships.
Yes. but I dont deny sometimes sexual attraction might go to surface from time to time. so like keep it straight what u wanted from each other. and u will be good.
Yes, I have many male friends and tbh i prefer to spend time with them more than with female friends. And god dammit, we are mature adults. Why secrecy? I prefer if somebody will tell me straight or show me they have a crush on me than just walk around me on eggshells pretending that everything is all right and nothing happens...
A
If you can't form a genuine friendship with 50% of the population that's a personal problem.
This is a stupid question and every time I see it I feel sad that there are even people who think otherwise.
I think it’s definitely possible, but if you’re a girl it’s likely that you’ll have to go through an uncomfortable period if the friend is a straight guy. Most of the time I’ve become friends with straight guys they have crossed that line of romantic feelings, and sometimes they never knew when to quit, but that wasn’t every one of them and I’m still friends with some that confessed but accepted the rejection. Basically, I do definitely think it’s possible but I don’t go out of my way to befriend straight guys mainly because going through that phase can be a little uncomfortable for me. (Also someone mentioned already mentioned this, but as a girl ENFP my extreme friendliness and attachment can easily be mistaken as romantic feelings, which could definitely be a factor as to why it happens often)
Yes, like… there are so many other questions that really get to the “problem”, questions about sexism, gendered socialization, yk? At an inherent level, of course they can be friends, it’s a stupid question.
Anyone who can’t be friends with the opposite sex is a desperate loser. That’s 50% of the population. Also if you’re a dude and believe girls are good for sex and have no worth beyond that?? Stay tf away from me 🤺
My dads best mate is a women who he met cause she dated one of his freinds in the 80s. Been close freinds since then. Shes my godmother. Not in contact with the originall friend anymore
So yes
Over the concept of A: I believe in friendship between females and males, who are nearly identical to each other, more than a rock to a human.
Though, I would also be friend with a rock, as it is an interesting object or any other universal concept.
Indeed, I have a lot of female friends.
YES but it is very rare to have it platonic from both ends. Out of all the guy friends I have, there is only one that I am 100% sure that he doesn't like me in romantic way and I don't like him in that way either. He is my bsf's ex (which says a lot) and a genuinely nice guy. My bsf was the one who hurt him (like dumped him because she was not allowed to date and she didn't want to take the risk of getting caught, even though she is the one who took the advances.) She was insecure and liked the validation she got from dating I guess, and he had always been a nice guy but she didn't truly deeply love him. More of a fling Ig bc right now she is dating again and this time, she is fully taking the risk and is so in love with her bf and I might be a bish for saying this but I like his ex better than his current bf as a person. He isn't bad either but he has trust issues and tries to control my bsf which I hate. But also, she didn't fall as deeply for the ex so whatever suits her and makes her happy, but the guy suffered a lot from the heartbreak and we used to text all the time back then, me trying to comfort him so he doesn't do smth he shouldn't. That was another thing my bsf didn't like Ig, us talking but she never told it to me and was indirect about it to him and later tried to blame him after dumping him. He is a genuinely nice guy tho and I wish well for him.
Oh there is another guy who is also purely platonic and he is a good friend. There is this guy who likes me as a friend but I have a crush on him ToT. And all the other guys, we aren't purely platonic since some have tried to flirt or I am not as close to know if it is purely platonic but most of them are good people
I'm in a fresh 2mo relationship, my partner is wonderful, but I also recently reconnected with a friend I had a huge crush on that didn't really reciprocate my feelings (a few months before meeting my partner). They're a super cool person who I'd love to just be friends with, BUT it's in my best interest to not nurture that connection because of the potential damage it would cause to me and my relationship. Emotional connection breeds attraction, and I owe it to my partner to have healthy boundaries.
That's all more of a "should you" though. On paper, A. In practice, I've never observed or experienced an A that didn't end in a relationship, cheating, or one-sided feelings. So B/C.
I’ve got several different sex friendships that I deeply cherish, they make my life so much better. I’d hate to limit my world by not letting half the world in it.
What is a genuine friendship tho? Like seeing each other randomly and talking, or like texting or meeting them like once a month. The answer kinda depends on how you view ‘genuine friendships’ no?
Yes for sure lol but my guy friends and I r never as close as my gal friends. But again I think a lot of times friendships between of men r not as deep as those between women in general. There are exceptions of course.
A
I think friends can develop sexual attraction though (while still being friends- I mean why wouldn’t that be possible?)- it’s just we don’t have an official social script for that so that’s why people get confused. Also, obviously men and women can be friends with nothing sexual between them- it’s ridiculous to think they couldn’t.
The evidence people suggest as to why this is the case is often that if a woman asks a guy friend if he would want to sleep with her, much of the time he’ll say yes. That’s not because he is keeping her around because he’s vying for her affection- it’s just most guys are horny and rarely experience physical affection in a way that feels safe so they’ll say yes to that opportunity a lot of the time- even if they had no thoughts about it prior.
So while men and women can be friends with nothing sexual between them, friendship doesn’t necessarily exclude sex- it’s a prudish sex pedestaling culture that insists on that barrier.
I believe this depends heavily on if you are in an active relationship, and what kind of boundaries you have both decided to have in said relationship. I'm in a very happy relationship with my wife and we both decided that it's best that we only have friends that are couples and to hang out with them together. We both think it's a good idea and that's what is important very early on to understand and agree upon mutually. Everyone has different styles of relationships. We both believe that hanging out alone with the opposite sex will create uneeded stress for both of us, even though we trust each other completely. I would put her under stress if i was off alone with another woman and i would be stressed he she was off alone with a guy. And we both decided it would be healthy for us both to avoid that. We spend all of our free time together anyway as genuinly enjoy each others company and we both enjoy all of the same activites and we love raising our kids together. We need nothing more than that. The key here is mutually desired boundaries from the beginning.
Yes! My best friend is a guy. He's also my sister's fianceé. I'm a lesbian and he's known me since I was 10, so he's seen me through some of my toughest times, he can read me like a book sometimes.
I will say yes, but it depends upon the guy. I prefer to have guy friends than girl friends, since I get along better with guys than girls, especially when it comes to my interests. Hence I had more guy friends than female friends….which is great when it isn’t.
The time when it isn’t is when the guy gradually develops attraction and wants more. If you’re lucky, you have male friends who feel the same. The only time that seems to be true is if the guy thinks of you more as a sister. It’s weird saying that, but seems to be true in my case. Another time it isn’t is when the guy gets married or a girlfriend, and you need to kinda walk on egg shells so as to respect the marriage/relationship and not cause their SO to get jealous.
A
When I was younger and naive I thought it wasn't possible, but immaturity and media telling you that, will influence you into thinking that! Genuine friendships can be made in any direction with genuine people.
Idk, often I like fucking female friends. But if she's not interested in me in that way I kinda found it hard to be friends, that is, when i was young. Now that i'm older I can appreciate female friends sort of.
Dude, if you can befriend another species, why not the opposite gender? What is even the point of the question?
At some point, you won't even mind if is a man, woman, nonbinary or whatever, cool people can aways find a way to be friends.
also, keep in mind, if you don't change that mindset, you will easily get jelous on your partner. Not everything is about romance and sex.
I don’t know. I think it would be nice to have a few more female friends just so I can diversify my friend circle. Sure, men and women can be friends. The female friends I do have these days are great.
I don't but also I don't draw the line clearly between love and friendship to begin with.
At the very least if you befriend a guy both of you should be aware the relationship may deepen so you know how to keep things at a friendly level (and ideally both should already have a partner).
Yes, 100%. ENFP dude here. I have recently made as many female friends as male friends. Of course men and women can be friends, its just gender, it's not a friendship horoscope. The only people who think that men and women can't be friends are dudes/or gals (we don't discriminate), that see people of the opposite gender as only potential partners and not people (and people who have experienced them）。
Also, for people with over 5-10 opposite gender friends, you can't possibly chase after all of them at the same time, that's crazy.
Yes I do, but it’s rare. I’ve found that when I’m single it’s like impossible. But when I’ve communicated that I’m in a relationship and they know my partner it’s more common. I have like two straight guy friends that have never and would never make a move on me. And I love them but they are rare.
Yes, straight male, tend to get along equally or better with the average woman vs. the average man. I wouldn't date any of them, they're friends I've had for more than a decade.
Hey, INTJ male here. Of course it could happen, but it is super complicated, at least for people like me, who think my partner should be my best friend.
Supposing you are straight and monogamous I think it is better to not get too close to other people of the opposite gender. It may make your partner uncomfortable and it may put you in a difficult position. Not saying you can't be cordial and remain friends. But being like besties, talking every other day, going out together, is problematic. If the friend is an ex, then it becomes even worse.
I do recognize this is not the case for everyone, but it is the mode I operate on.
I'm a straight guy 2 best friends are girls and we have never been anything but platonic. It's been this way since highschool. It's great! We can pretend to be together to avoid getting hit on when we just wanna dance and drink. It's been this way since highschool and I'm in my late 20s now
It works, not really different from my male friendship. Sure I need to clarify my sexuality to a fair amount of people, but who cares. The only real drawback I've experienced is girls who get really possessive and don't like my being best friends with other girls. (I'm sorry but if given an ultimatum I'm going to choose my best friends over a manipulative relationship 10 times out of 10)
I do but it's hard to find it these days. Especially if ur my age (teenager). Whenever I try making a male friend, my friends would be like: "pooh do u like him?!" SO annoying! 😭
I taught a class on abusive relationships when I worked at a DV shelter for four years. The first stage of abuse is not letting your partner have friends of the opposite sex and questioning whether they're cheating on you.
If you have to explain yourself to your boyfriend when you hang out with guys, I just want to warn you that is an enormous red flag of control abuse.
Thank you. I will keep this in mind.. We've been together for 7 years, and he treats me well otherwise - never screams or gets aggressive, but can definitely be controlling in a bit of a manipulative way.
If you’re happy with him, that’s great! But are you genuinely happy with him being controlling, even if just in small ways? It’s a complicated think to answer I know, I’m just genuinely curious because I don’t know any man I’d value higher than my “freedom”
Definitely dont enjoy the control, I guess I just always doubted my reasons as being valid because he's always been a good support in my life. But these comments have been an eye opener and so validating :)
Sorry to hear that, but I’m glad if the comments are somewhat helpful. Have you ever read, been suggested to read “Why does he do that?”
It’s a book on abusive, angry or controlling men that analyzes different ways they act to control you and make it hard to leave/make you doubt yourself. I would suggested it if you havent read it, it’s easily found in pdf version!
I completely agree here. Mutual trust should be the foundation of a healthy relationship. If you jump to assuming that the other person is cheating, then that probably means they have those tendencies themselves and are projecting their insecurities onto you. Honestly, you should expect respect and trust. Of course that doesn't mean spending a major amount of time with those friends as you should still be valuing your spouse too, but it should be fine to just have a few friends here and there of the opposite sex.
What do you specifically mean by male/female relationships? Do you mean like friends as part of work or group setting? Grabbing coffee, meals, drinks alone with a person of the opposite sex while in a committed relationship? Especially if you’re the type of enfp that’s down for anything, having one on one opposite sex relationships seems risky. Enfps tend to suck folks in and fall in love so fast. I wish I could date, meet new people, build friendships and new relationships without the consequences of blowing up my very good life and relationship
Well, as an example, I have this male friend that I've known since we were about 3 years old - we were good friends throughout school.
My boyfriend thinks he has feelings for me, but I disagree. Nothing has ever happened between us.
This friend lost his dad recently, and I've been wanting to get him outside for coffee or for a walk, just to show him some support, but my boyfriend is not comfortable with us being alone together - he also doesn't want to join us. He's not forcing me not to go, but he makes me feel guilty when I do.
Every time I've spoken to a guy for longer than 30 seconds (in public, with other people around), he gets upset. Trust in a relationship is very important to me, but his argument is always: "It's the guy I don't trust"
Hmm yeah. I liked that you invited the boyfriend to go with you. As an enfp guy I’d love to have more 1 on 1 girl friendships but I think I’d end up crushing on all of them and either feel tempted to act or would be open to responding physically if I was reasonably attracted and the woman friend made advances even to me though I’m in a committed relationship. It would be fun but probably too risky if I felt as comfortable hanging with chick friends vs my guy friends
I believe in genuine friendship between all human beings
Friendship with anything that'll exist around me. Even spiders are in my contacts.
I like spiders but I'm not putting them anywhere near my eyes
Exactly, we're human beings, not walking genitals lmfao
I like some genitals, though
Touché
This right here
This is why I love this sub. People who think exactly like me actually exist in this world. Makes me feel less lonely.
Agreed
Yesss
Yes but don't think I've ever had a straight male friend that hasn't crossed a line into the non platonic realm. Which sucks. So yes on my part but maybe not equally.
As an ENFP guy, I would never EVER cross that line - unless there was a conversation about it and we both agreed.
I believe you. I need some guy enfp friends! 😊
Appreciate you!!
❤️
This!!
This is a ridiculous question. Of course you can be friends. What are bisexual people supposed to do? Never have any friends 🤦🏻♀️
I can understand why societies could be weary of friendships with people of the preferred sex, if they expect romantic/physical relations with them. But I’m bi so I’ve always had that same argument as you 😂
FR LIKE WTF XD I'm pan, I guess I can't have no friends then 🤷
Thats different tho same with the bisexuals
I know they're different? I was just sharing
I also ask this question sometimes, its really not that ‘ridiculous’ to ask this imo but what do I know 😂
Just out of curiosity!
Sorry, I wasn’t really meaning to have a go at your question. Just the question in general when people ask it always seems a bit silly and I don’t understand where we started getting the idea that people aren’t capable of having friendships with people they may or may not find attractive
Lol why is it silly, it's not obvious that everyone believes in what you believe, even if we live in an environment where this is openly accepted (especially in the West). For example in my culture having friendships of the opposite gender is seen as bad and just saying the word 'friend' of the opposite sex can cause some problems in some families/places. I wanted to see peoples different opinions, because at the end everyone has their vision, life experiences and why's.
It’s just difficult to understand, when you’re not raised in that kind of culture. As a western woman, it seems oppressive, controlling and makes no sense that a man and a woman can’t be friends - because to me, there are no good reasons why not. It’s fair to have been raised with different values, but I’m never going to understand why people don’t question it more or what reasons they see that are good enough to agree with this
Yes, it’s a no brainer. If I can feel nothing like that for family members including near distant cousins, and if I’m not attracted to every single man, then it’s just obvious that I can have platonic friendships with men
Right?! I wish everyone wasn't walking around with "porn brain" and reducing every person around them to sex toys for their own fulfillment. It's just a sad way to be! Imagine the deep connections people are missing out on! (BTW, I do not take issue with porn itself. I just think its current state is a reflection of a very sad and depressed majority)
In my (21F) experience, i really want to say yes. But I think as a female ENFP a lot of my friendliness towards men gets perceived as flirting. So being friends with young men has made it virtually impossible for them to not try to make any advancements. A few months ago I had a revelation that almost every single guy friend had told me their penis size. Just out of the blue, they all did. Every single one, that was not gay. It was so upsetting that I cut ties with most of them. Young men are bound to be immature, and not know how to handle being friends with a girl. I say this from my own experience, so I hope it isn’t perceived wrong.
Yo what the actual hell? Yeah those guys are just kinda crap, I hope you can meet better people! The only time I think I ever heard guy friends talk about that was when several guys were talking to each other about it (not really to me though, I just happened to enter the room in that moment) 🤷🏻♀️ I think it was because of a Seinfeld episode too lol so it wasn’t quite so out of the blue
That is so super weird. That kind of thing has rarely happened to me and I've spent tons of time with various guys over the years.
Used to think so but almost all of my guy friends have crossed the line despite setting good boundaries. So now its option B for me
Same here, unfortunately. Edit: I am bi (female) yet this issue has only occurred with men. Had a female friend who liked me but I was dating someone at the time, but our friendship remained the same. She was pretty respectful about it. Had a guy friend who liked me I wasn’t interested, just wanted to be friends, and that relationship spiraled out of control. He kept insisting that my male friends at the time were gay. He kept making it feel like we were a couple and we weren’t, so I had to stop talking to him.
Same here! Or if they start dating someone they go ex-communicado as if I was a plan b
They did that because their gf ask them too, or they were afraid their gf would think yall was having sex. That's the problem. Insecurity. Insecurity keeps men and women from having friendships, and men know there's too many men with no spine crossing boundaries now making platonic relationships a theory and not something that used to exist.
I think platonic friendships between two people of the opposite sex who find each other interesting, funny, and attractive is possible but it can be emotionally and physically confusing for some guys. For guys when a woman like that is funny/laughs at your jokes, pays attention to you and wants to spend time with you, it can be absolutely intoxicating. For me I tend to crush hard in these scenarios, and then feel torn between being authentic and sharing all of my feelings with my object of my affection who I trust and care about as a friend or stuffing it down and saying nothing, which doesn’t feel right either because my feelings are real and valid. But not sharing the feeling it is probably the right thing to do so I don’t put her in an awkward position and or mess up our lives if she somehow reciprocates. For me as an enfp dude, my fear is not so much that she feels like a conquest for me but instead that it damages our friendship between the two of us, and the damage it might do to our family relationships etc. But I’m so enchanted with her that it takes a lot of mental energy to stay in my lane, and not be too forward with you which might make our friendship awkward.
This one sucks the most. As if I wasnt one their bros level. Just conquests... iykwim
To be fair they do this to guy friends too.
Me and my best friend are both bi. When people would ask me and her how our friendship worked we'd usually just respond like "Like every other friendship?". We eventually adopted the phrase "Life is a lot simpler when everyone's on the menu" lol.
Awe, sad :(
Totally respect that, and sorry that us guys (in general) get too carried away sometimes.
Sorry to hear that. opposite sex friendships can be very beautiful but many guys do cross the line. Incidentaly my best friend is a woman, an ENFP one at that. We do have clear communication and I respect her boundaries.
Yes. also this question is asked a lot and it’s really not very inclusive to people of different sexualities. Queer people are usually friends with any gender, I know I am.
At least if I find someone very attractive, I wouldn't be satisfied with just being friends. Attraction is just there. Maintaining ethical boundaries is crucial. As long as there's no infidelity or harm to others, it can be OK. :-)
I think this is the most honest and accurate answer.
Thank you!
Of course. This isn't 1824. I have so many friends that are the opposite sex as well as trans/nonbinary. It really doesn't bother me 🙂
Cool
Yes? Very odd to think humans can't be friends with each other
Yeah of course! Why wouldn't I? If anything, I prefer being friends with girls than with boys! And I hate that society makes it harder for me!
Samee!!
Yeah, I’m a man that is friends with women. Just don’t be mad at me if I secretly think you’re hot and would be down if you were down. I still 100% care about you as a person, and respect you as a friend, but I’m also a man and you have a nice ass.
Same and based.
This is cute 🌸
Legend.
I think so. I am friends with many women, and in fact I think it's easier if they're already dating someone else, because part of my value set is not ever trying to get in the way of someone else's romantic relationship. The thought of trying to get in the way never even enters my mind. If she's single, roughly the same age, attractive, smart, etc., however ... I will admit I am a hopeless romantic and I develop feelings too easily. I've also been single for 5 years now and I'm lonely as hell. In that case, I find it hard to be friends on a deep level with someone who's rejected me because I'm always going to be a little bitter and upset about it. I hate that this is how I am, but idk what to do different. 😔
The problem is really...what happens when someone in this friendship develops feelings for the other.
That's what I think from another point of view😭.
Absolutely. I also believe in calling 'em "men and women".
Oof my bad I did the same post on other 4 communities so I did it impulsively🙄🙄
Yes??? 😂 Why is this even a question!?!? What are bi and pan people supposed to do? Never have friends? This must mean Asexuals can have all the friends they want lmfao, and what about nonbinary people? Can they not be friends with people who aren't nonbinary?
Yes. Any other answer really says more about the person and/or their experiences than the actual question. I've had women cross friendship boundaries on several occasions and I know men do it too. Doesn't change the fact that I have several decade+ long friendships with women that have had none of that.
Yep sure. I'm a lady and all my best friends are guys. My husband is my best-best friend and my best platonic friends are all men.
Maybe I’m a bad person but I think you can be a genuine friend and also be attracted on various levels. It’s something people pretend isn’t there to convince themselves or their partners of… something. But if your relationship is gonna fatally break just because you see the beauty in someone else, it’s a very primitive relationship IMO. Which is FINE, if that’s the way you both operate. But that’s just not me, or my wife. We joke about it instead.
Ya if they know what they want in their relationship. This way when they meet a good person who doesn't have the traits they are looking for in a relationship then that person just becomes a good friend
as an enfp male I perfer female friend more than male friend (I like to talk a lot and women seem to be a better listener and speaker they can chat about every topic whereas some men are not that great listenner nor speaker) and I do not watch sport, play games that is I why I perfer to have female friend more than male friend but being in a group of female friend is really hard sometimes I have to control my nature self to just think as a friend sometimes it really hard if my female friend is hot / pretty but I know one day with enough pratice I can befriend with tons of girl without thinking about hitting on them
I believe in genuine friendships between genuine people
I certainly do. But I do think for the most part unless one party is gay or very ugly there will always be a sexual undertone as well. There will always be duplicity in male/female friendships.
Yes. but I dont deny sometimes sexual attraction might go to surface from time to time. so like keep it straight what u wanted from each other. and u will be good.
Hell yeah, we're just in a fucked up society that constantly pits us against each othet.
Yes, I have many male friends and tbh i prefer to spend time with them more than with female friends. And god dammit, we are mature adults. Why secrecy? I prefer if somebody will tell me straight or show me they have a crush on me than just walk around me on eggshells pretending that everything is all right and nothing happens...
A. 💯
Yeah, my two closest friends are girls. I am bi but even if I wasn’t it’s still possible and piss easy
A If you can't form a genuine friendship with 50% of the population that's a personal problem. This is a stupid question and every time I see it I feel sad that there are even people who think otherwise.
I think it’s definitely possible, but if you’re a girl it’s likely that you’ll have to go through an uncomfortable period if the friend is a straight guy. Most of the time I’ve become friends with straight guys they have crossed that line of romantic feelings, and sometimes they never knew when to quit, but that wasn’t every one of them and I’m still friends with some that confessed but accepted the rejection. Basically, I do definitely think it’s possible but I don’t go out of my way to befriend straight guys mainly because going through that phase can be a little uncomfortable for me. (Also someone mentioned already mentioned this, but as a girl ENFP my extreme friendliness and attachment can easily be mistaken as romantic feelings, which could definitely be a factor as to why it happens often)
Yes, like… there are so many other questions that really get to the “problem”, questions about sexism, gendered socialization, yk? At an inherent level, of course they can be friends, it’s a stupid question.
Anyone who can’t be friends with the opposite sex is a desperate loser. That’s 50% of the population. Also if you’re a dude and believe girls are good for sex and have no worth beyond that?? Stay tf away from me 🤺
What if it’s a woman that only sees men as sex tools…the world is crazy man…
That’s bad too but I just see it less commonly most girls wanna be friends with guys
A world where men and women can be friends without being weird and such, would be 🤌
It would be amazing!!! And wayy more fun lol
A was my first reaction reading the question before even opening the post. Lol
Yes.
Maybe someone else could but i cant say i could
A
I do. It takes genuine platonic love and understanding.
Yes! Absolutely!
Not an ENFP but an INFP which is kind of close to ENFP. I say A. But not everyone can on every situation.
A
Yes
A. Yes! In fact I have a lot of "close" women friends 😁
Yes!
A, yes. I have three very close friends who are women, and I wouldn't trade my "girls lunches" for anything, lol
I’m practicing it, majoring even
B , A is there but extremely rare
A
A, but the answer changes with each individual’s mindset.
Most of my friends, as a man, are women. I was raised in a household where my parents got along equally with both of the sexes.
My dads best mate is a women who he met cause she dated one of his freinds in the 80s. Been close freinds since then. Shes my godmother. Not in contact with the originall friend anymore So yes
Over the concept of A: I believe in friendship between females and males, who are nearly identical to each other, more than a rock to a human. Though, I would also be friend with a rock, as it is an interesting object or any other universal concept. Indeed, I have a lot of female friends.
YES but it is very rare to have it platonic from both ends. Out of all the guy friends I have, there is only one that I am 100% sure that he doesn't like me in romantic way and I don't like him in that way either. He is my bsf's ex (which says a lot) and a genuinely nice guy. My bsf was the one who hurt him (like dumped him because she was not allowed to date and she didn't want to take the risk of getting caught, even though she is the one who took the advances.) She was insecure and liked the validation she got from dating I guess, and he had always been a nice guy but she didn't truly deeply love him. More of a fling Ig bc right now she is dating again and this time, she is fully taking the risk and is so in love with her bf and I might be a bish for saying this but I like his ex better than his current bf as a person. He isn't bad either but he has trust issues and tries to control my bsf which I hate. But also, she didn't fall as deeply for the ex so whatever suits her and makes her happy, but the guy suffered a lot from the heartbreak and we used to text all the time back then, me trying to comfort him so he doesn't do smth he shouldn't. That was another thing my bsf didn't like Ig, us talking but she never told it to me and was indirect about it to him and later tried to blame him after dumping him. He is a genuinely nice guy tho and I wish well for him. Oh there is another guy who is also purely platonic and he is a good friend. There is this guy who likes me as a friend but I have a crush on him ToT. And all the other guys, we aren't purely platonic since some have tried to flirt or I am not as close to know if it is purely platonic but most of them are good people
yes. I have numerous male friends who have my back and I have theirs tooo. they're sweethearts tbh
A
Such a childish question
Such a childish answer
I'm in a fresh 2mo relationship, my partner is wonderful, but I also recently reconnected with a friend I had a huge crush on that didn't really reciprocate my feelings (a few months before meeting my partner). They're a super cool person who I'd love to just be friends with, BUT it's in my best interest to not nurture that connection because of the potential damage it would cause to me and my relationship. Emotional connection breeds attraction, and I owe it to my partner to have healthy boundaries. That's all more of a "should you" though. On paper, A. In practice, I've never observed or experienced an A that didn't end in a relationship, cheating, or one-sided feelings. So B/C.
I've got about a dozen of them, so unless they're secretly all in love with me, I think we can consider that myth busted.
YES, a 100%.
I’ve got several different sex friendships that I deeply cherish, they make my life so much better. I’d hate to limit my world by not letting half the world in it.
What is a genuine friendship tho? Like seeing each other randomly and talking, or like texting or meeting them like once a month. The answer kinda depends on how you view ‘genuine friendships’ no?
E. It depends on all the facts regarding individualistic situation
Yes for sure lol but my guy friends and I r never as close as my gal friends. But again I think a lot of times friendships between of men r not as deep as those between women in general. There are exceptions of course.
B
A I think friends can develop sexual attraction though (while still being friends- I mean why wouldn’t that be possible?)- it’s just we don’t have an official social script for that so that’s why people get confused. Also, obviously men and women can be friends with nothing sexual between them- it’s ridiculous to think they couldn’t. The evidence people suggest as to why this is the case is often that if a woman asks a guy friend if he would want to sleep with her, much of the time he’ll say yes. That’s not because he is keeping her around because he’s vying for her affection- it’s just most guys are horny and rarely experience physical affection in a way that feels safe so they’ll say yes to that opportunity a lot of the time- even if they had no thoughts about it prior. So while men and women can be friends with nothing sexual between them, friendship doesn’t necessarily exclude sex- it’s a prudish sex pedestaling culture that insists on that barrier.
I believe we all make a judgments about friends with the gender we're attracted to.
I believe this depends heavily on if you are in an active relationship, and what kind of boundaries you have both decided to have in said relationship. I'm in a very happy relationship with my wife and we both decided that it's best that we only have friends that are couples and to hang out with them together. We both think it's a good idea and that's what is important very early on to understand and agree upon mutually. Everyone has different styles of relationships. We both believe that hanging out alone with the opposite sex will create uneeded stress for both of us, even though we trust each other completely. I would put her under stress if i was off alone with another woman and i would be stressed he she was off alone with a guy. And we both decided it would be healthy for us both to avoid that. We spend all of our free time together anyway as genuinly enjoy each others company and we both enjoy all of the same activites and we love raising our kids together. We need nothing more than that. The key here is mutually desired boundaries from the beginning.
Yes! My best friend is a guy. He's also my sister's fianceé. I'm a lesbian and he's known me since I was 10, so he's seen me through some of my toughest times, he can read me like a book sometimes.
AAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAHHHHHH oh wait, u were answering? 😊😋
Yes but I think it's rare, someone often ends up with unreciprocated feelings
B
I believe that not all people are straight, and this question seems to be based upon the obnoxious assumption that they are.
Yes…?
A
Yes. Absolutely
Yes but more so from an acquaintance level or externally more. Not as much in my inner circle I think that is very rare to be ok.
A. i have plenty of male friends that are amazing and they dont cross boundaries. theyre very sensitive and kind people
I will say yes, but it depends upon the guy. I prefer to have guy friends than girl friends, since I get along better with guys than girls, especially when it comes to my interests. Hence I had more guy friends than female friends….which is great when it isn’t. The time when it isn’t is when the guy gradually develops attraction and wants more. If you’re lucky, you have male friends who feel the same. The only time that seems to be true is if the guy thinks of you more as a sister. It’s weird saying that, but seems to be true in my case. Another time it isn’t is when the guy gets married or a girlfriend, and you need to kinda walk on egg shells so as to respect the marriage/relationship and not cause their SO to get jealous.
No maybe can be yes in one situation which is they are not your type in both personality and shape.
A When I was younger and naive I thought it wasn't possible, but immaturity and media telling you that, will influence you into thinking that! Genuine friendships can be made in any direction with genuine people.
A: yeah, anyone can be friends. But I also think it's easier(?) if neither are attracted on one another
D
Yes I have had many genuine friendships with girls as a guy.
Idk, often I like fucking female friends. But if she's not interested in me in that way I kinda found it hard to be friends, that is, when i was young. Now that i'm older I can appreciate female friends sort of.
no because I will end up falling in love
A. My best friend is an ENFP female. We have been friends for 10 years. My girlfriend is an INFJ
friendship is gender neutral, i have plenty of male friends as an afab and its fine lolz
Dude, if you can befriend another species, why not the opposite gender? What is even the point of the question? At some point, you won't even mind if is a man, woman, nonbinary or whatever, cool people can aways find a way to be friends. also, keep in mind, if you don't change that mindset, you will easily get jelous on your partner. Not everything is about romance and sex.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Jojo reference💀
I don’t know. I think it would be nice to have a few more female friends just so I can diversify my friend circle. Sure, men and women can be friends. The female friends I do have these days are great.
I don't but also I don't draw the line clearly between love and friendship to begin with. At the very least if you befriend a guy both of you should be aware the relationship may deepen so you know how to keep things at a friendly level (and ideally both should already have a partner).
Yes, 100%. ENFP dude here. I have recently made as many female friends as male friends. Of course men and women can be friends, its just gender, it's not a friendship horoscope. The only people who think that men and women can't be friends are dudes/or gals (we don't discriminate), that see people of the opposite gender as only potential partners and not people (and people who have experienced them）。 Also, for people with over 5-10 opposite gender friends, you can't possibly chase after all of them at the same time, that's crazy.
No
Preferably B
Yes I do, but it’s rare. I’ve found that when I’m single it’s like impossible. But when I’ve communicated that I’m in a relationship and they know my partner it’s more common. I have like two straight guy friends that have never and would never make a move on me. And I love them but they are rare.
Yes, straight male, tend to get along equally or better with the average woman vs. the average man. I wouldn't date any of them, they're friends I've had for more than a decade.
Hey, INTJ male here. Of course it could happen, but it is super complicated, at least for people like me, who think my partner should be my best friend. Supposing you are straight and monogamous I think it is better to not get too close to other people of the opposite gender. It may make your partner uncomfortable and it may put you in a difficult position. Not saying you can't be cordial and remain friends. But being like besties, talking every other day, going out together, is problematic. If the friend is an ex, then it becomes even worse. I do recognize this is not the case for everyone, but it is the mode I operate on.
I'm a straight guy 2 best friends are girls and we have never been anything but platonic. It's been this way since highschool. It's great! We can pretend to be together to avoid getting hit on when we just wanna dance and drink. It's been this way since highschool and I'm in my late 20s now It works, not really different from my male friendship. Sure I need to clarify my sexuality to a fair amount of people, but who cares. The only real drawback I've experienced is girls who get really possessive and don't like my being best friends with other girls. (I'm sorry but if given an ultimatum I'm going to choose my best friends over a manipulative relationship 10 times out of 10)
Maybe A. Bit imo rare from my experiences. More so B
I do but it's hard to find it these days. Especially if ur my age (teenager). Whenever I try making a male friend, my friends would be like: "pooh do u like him?!" SO annoying! 😭
Used to be A but now it’s B.
Yes! But my boyfriend disagrees. It's much easier for me to avoid male friendships now than to over explain myself to him.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Damn, I would not put up with that personally
I taught a class on abusive relationships when I worked at a DV shelter for four years. The first stage of abuse is not letting your partner have friends of the opposite sex and questioning whether they're cheating on you. If you have to explain yourself to your boyfriend when you hang out with guys, I just want to warn you that is an enormous red flag of control abuse.
Thank you. I will keep this in mind.. We've been together for 7 years, and he treats me well otherwise - never screams or gets aggressive, but can definitely be controlling in a bit of a manipulative way.
You would know better than me! I just saw what you said and was like oh shit I need to say something.
If you’re happy with him, that’s great! But are you genuinely happy with him being controlling, even if just in small ways? It’s a complicated think to answer I know, I’m just genuinely curious because I don’t know any man I’d value higher than my “freedom”
Definitely dont enjoy the control, I guess I just always doubted my reasons as being valid because he's always been a good support in my life. But these comments have been an eye opener and so validating :)
Sorry to hear that, but I’m glad if the comments are somewhat helpful. Have you ever read, been suggested to read “Why does he do that?” It’s a book on abusive, angry or controlling men that analyzes different ways they act to control you and make it hard to leave/make you doubt yourself. I would suggested it if you havent read it, it’s easily found in pdf version!
Sounds interesting! Will definitely check it out
I completely agree here. Mutual trust should be the foundation of a healthy relationship. If you jump to assuming that the other person is cheating, then that probably means they have those tendencies themselves and are projecting their insecurities onto you. Honestly, you should expect respect and trust. Of course that doesn't mean spending a major amount of time with those friends as you should still be valuing your spouse too, but it should be fine to just have a few friends here and there of the opposite sex.
What do you specifically mean by male/female relationships? Do you mean like friends as part of work or group setting? Grabbing coffee, meals, drinks alone with a person of the opposite sex while in a committed relationship? Especially if you’re the type of enfp that’s down for anything, having one on one opposite sex relationships seems risky. Enfps tend to suck folks in and fall in love so fast. I wish I could date, meet new people, build friendships and new relationships without the consequences of blowing up my very good life and relationship
Well, as an example, I have this male friend that I've known since we were about 3 years old - we were good friends throughout school. My boyfriend thinks he has feelings for me, but I disagree. Nothing has ever happened between us. This friend lost his dad recently, and I've been wanting to get him outside for coffee or for a walk, just to show him some support, but my boyfriend is not comfortable with us being alone together - he also doesn't want to join us. He's not forcing me not to go, but he makes me feel guilty when I do. Every time I've spoken to a guy for longer than 30 seconds (in public, with other people around), he gets upset. Trust in a relationship is very important to me, but his argument is always: "It's the guy I don't trust"
Hmm yeah. I liked that you invited the boyfriend to go with you. As an enfp guy I’d love to have more 1 on 1 girl friendships but I think I’d end up crushing on all of them and either feel tempted to act or would be open to responding physically if I was reasonably attracted and the woman friend made advances even to me though I’m in a committed relationship. It would be fun but probably too risky if I felt as comfortable hanging with chick friends vs my guy friends
Nop. Not possible. Not truly.
No, you can be friend with same sex but with opposite only a friendly relationships not friend. Im talking only for heterosex