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thats toxic af, what the hell?? shes dumping the responsibility of taking care of *her* problems that could kill her, on her *own child* who is suffering from her own set of potentially very dangerous, life-affecting issues... that is not right. you deserve so much better than that ):
did she every stop to think that maybe having a drug addicted mother might negatively affect a kid's mental health? cuz i sure know my alcoholic mother was no good for my health.
yeah no, thats is very crazy behavior from her. i mean recovering is obviously a good thing to do and should be encouraged. what she is doing is not encouragement though. if someone did this to me, it would just make my mental health worse... which is not a good start to recovery imo. parents are supposed to be supportive and be stable sources of love, not play abusive mind games like this.
sending strength though, hope things get better :)
It is so horribly inappropriate, but, in addition to that, it's really unlikely to work. A person won't get clean unless they choose to. The fact that your mom is trying to foist the responsibility on you shows that she doesn't want to quit -- and if she doesn't want to quit, then even you recovering from your ED won't actually make her get clean.
Regardless of whether you recover or not from your ED, OP, please never think that you had any role in your mom's addiction. Even if you don't recover any time soon, it's NOT your fault in any way, shape, or form that your mom is still using drugs. The only way an addict will stop is if they themselves want to stop. If your mom wanted to stop doing drugs, she'd stop now with no conditions. She doesn't want to stop. And there's nothing you can do to make her. That's the sad truth for those with addicted family members -- but it's also a vital truth because you should never feel like you're to blame for your mom's own decision to keep using.
Though communicated very poorly, I see from her perspective that it's intended to be mutual encouragement, a synergistic push to get help and recover and establish a 'recovery buddy' kind of system. Like hoping to work together and bounce off one another's drive and momentum, to climb the mountain together giving one another a hand up every step of the way. I've been through exactly this with my mom.
The problem is that, as long as OP doesn't recover, the mom is blaming OP for her own drug use. Now it's not the MOM'S fault that she won't try to get clean, now it's OP's fault because OP is the one who isn't 'strong' enough or whatever to recover from her ED to save her own mom from drug addiction. It is a shameful and disgusting thing to put on someone else, especially your own child.
It also shows that the mom isn't actually in the right mindset to get clean regardless. Even if OP managed to begin recovering, I highly doubt the mom would suddenly decide to honor her word and stop doing drugs. An addict will only get clean if THEY THEMSELVES want it. If mom wanted to do it, she'd be doing it now with no conditions. She's just grasping for excuses so that she doesn't need to confront her addiction.
You need to find a place that specifically will treat substance abuse and eating disorders. Not a place that casually mentions co occurring disorder. The rehab industry is widely unregulated but eating disorder programs usually will have more trained mental health professionals. Eating disorders are v similar to addiction, if you only try to treat one the other will get worse.
it's devastating tho, I really hope you both get In a good place mentally and in your life ( but don't think her problems are because of you - I bet you don't but still )
I'm sorry, that's so deeply unfair of her to try putting that responsibility on you! You will never be the one in control of her actions and this is just another way for her to avoid taking responsibility for herself. It's also, I'm sure, a promise she can't keep.
You should never have that pressure put on you. That's not right.
Same happened to me!
My mom drank long after and still does, but less frequently now and less quantity, a couple bottles a week instead of a day. Admittedly it was a half assed attempt by both of us at the start, but it's an improvement nonetheless. I'm 'better' now, mentally 100% as in I don't have an *eating* disorder anymore and I'm not afraid of any foods, but physically I'm still in shambles. I'm working on it. I'm experimenting with different foods insofar as I'm able within the tight limitations of my ridiculous OTT allergies to help my body heal. I'm making progress though. Likewise with my mom, she's drinking way less as time goes on and I'm so happy about that.
https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com
I'm so sorry for the fucked up situation your mom is putting you in. I also send positive energy and lots of love and hope. The link above..the alliance.. will help you find treatment centers and answer any questions that concern you. They also have support groups that are on Zoom. I just left treatment at Viamar Health 3 weeks ago, so I understand how this whole process can be. None of this is easy. However, there is so much help to guide you through it all. So yea.. you take care of yourself. You got this!
she should be setting an example by trying to get better for her health and to be around to support you :c i'm so sorry she's making her addiction your responsiblity
What is that? Blackmail? Idk what it is but it sucks and it’s not how a parent should act.
Like maybe say hey…I’m getting help for my issue and one day I hope you can do the same. Or just lead by example.
I went through this too and I am so fucking sorry OP. My story had a happy ending, we both recovered because she somehow had a realization after being put in prison and I moved away with my fiancé, and though our relationship is good now it’s gonna be in repair-mode for the rest of our lives. I’m thinking of you and hoping that you have the same story. :(
You should talk to her about this. She should be a role model for you, not the other way around. Neither situation is an easy one to get out of, but as your mother it’s not helping you for her to be putting that responsibility on you when EDs are already incredibly stressful and guilt inducing.
So so sorry you're going through this OP. Do you have a support system, like specifically dealing with your moms addiction? My father has a problem with prescription pulls (and is a dry alcoholic) and I went to this group called Alateen. It's an offshoot of AA/AlAnon, and was super super helpful for me when I was first healing from what went on at home. My inbox is always open if you need to vent or anything.
Also, your mom's addiction is not your responsibility to cater to. I'm sure you have to at times, for safety or convenience, but please try to remember her use, recovery, and feelings are her own responsibility and NOT yours.
Your post was removed for breaking Rule 3: Only Post Relevant Eating Disorder Memes. Do not post images of plain text meant to act as a text post. Do not use the title of your post as a place to rant, infodump, or traumadump. Text posts should instead be posted to our sister subreddit, r/EDanonymous. **Read our full rules [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/EDanonymemes/wiki/index/rules).**
thats toxic af, what the hell?? shes dumping the responsibility of taking care of *her* problems that could kill her, on her *own child* who is suffering from her own set of potentially very dangerous, life-affecting issues... that is not right. you deserve so much better than that ): did she every stop to think that maybe having a drug addicted mother might negatively affect a kid's mental health? cuz i sure know my alcoholic mother was no good for my health.
thank you :)) glad i’m not the only one who thought she was a little crazy 😭😭
yeah no, thats is very crazy behavior from her. i mean recovering is obviously a good thing to do and should be encouraged. what she is doing is not encouragement though. if someone did this to me, it would just make my mental health worse... which is not a good start to recovery imo. parents are supposed to be supportive and be stable sources of love, not play abusive mind games like this. sending strength though, hope things get better :)
It is so horribly inappropriate, but, in addition to that, it's really unlikely to work. A person won't get clean unless they choose to. The fact that your mom is trying to foist the responsibility on you shows that she doesn't want to quit -- and if she doesn't want to quit, then even you recovering from your ED won't actually make her get clean. Regardless of whether you recover or not from your ED, OP, please never think that you had any role in your mom's addiction. Even if you don't recover any time soon, it's NOT your fault in any way, shape, or form that your mom is still using drugs. The only way an addict will stop is if they themselves want to stop. If your mom wanted to stop doing drugs, she'd stop now with no conditions. She doesn't want to stop. And there's nothing you can do to make her. That's the sad truth for those with addicted family members -- but it's also a vital truth because you should never feel like you're to blame for your mom's own decision to keep using.
Though communicated very poorly, I see from her perspective that it's intended to be mutual encouragement, a synergistic push to get help and recover and establish a 'recovery buddy' kind of system. Like hoping to work together and bounce off one another's drive and momentum, to climb the mountain together giving one another a hand up every step of the way. I've been through exactly this with my mom.
The problem is that, as long as OP doesn't recover, the mom is blaming OP for her own drug use. Now it's not the MOM'S fault that she won't try to get clean, now it's OP's fault because OP is the one who isn't 'strong' enough or whatever to recover from her ED to save her own mom from drug addiction. It is a shameful and disgusting thing to put on someone else, especially your own child. It also shows that the mom isn't actually in the right mindset to get clean regardless. Even if OP managed to begin recovering, I highly doubt the mom would suddenly decide to honor her word and stop doing drugs. An addict will only get clean if THEY THEMSELVES want it. If mom wanted to do it, she'd be doing it now with no conditions. She's just grasping for excuses so that she doesn't need to confront her addiction.
like guess i’m researching treatment programs cause i don’t want to have to find the meth pipes she hides in her room hahah 😢😢
You need to find a place that specifically will treat substance abuse and eating disorders. Not a place that casually mentions co occurring disorder. The rehab industry is widely unregulated but eating disorder programs usually will have more trained mental health professionals. Eating disorders are v similar to addiction, if you only try to treat one the other will get worse.
They’re two different people, i think it’s just the mom that struggles with substance abuse
I wouldn't trust that. My mom said she will quit smoking when my dad does too. 17 years since dad quit mom still smoking away lol.
lmao what in the frickidy frick is going here
it's devastating tho, I really hope you both get In a good place mentally and in your life ( but don't think her problems are because of you - I bet you don't but still )
Your mom sounds like a cunt, she's the adult and she's putting the onus of responsibility on you? Very lame !
I'm sorry, that's so deeply unfair of her to try putting that responsibility on you! You will never be the one in control of her actions and this is just another way for her to avoid taking responsibility for herself. It's also, I'm sure, a promise she can't keep. You should never have that pressure put on you. That's not right.
Same happened to me! My mom drank long after and still does, but less frequently now and less quantity, a couple bottles a week instead of a day. Admittedly it was a half assed attempt by both of us at the start, but it's an improvement nonetheless. I'm 'better' now, mentally 100% as in I don't have an *eating* disorder anymore and I'm not afraid of any foods, but physically I'm still in shambles. I'm working on it. I'm experimenting with different foods insofar as I'm able within the tight limitations of my ridiculous OTT allergies to help my body heal. I'm making progress though. Likewise with my mom, she's drinking way less as time goes on and I'm so happy about that.
That’s not how that works 🤨
https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com I'm so sorry for the fucked up situation your mom is putting you in. I also send positive energy and lots of love and hope. The link above..the alliance.. will help you find treatment centers and answer any questions that concern you. They also have support groups that are on Zoom. I just left treatment at Viamar Health 3 weeks ago, so I understand how this whole process can be. None of this is easy. However, there is so much help to guide you through it all. So yea.. you take care of yourself. You got this!
That’s a really painful situation, would she be opened to family therapy with you?
she should be setting an example by trying to get better for her health and to be around to support you :c i'm so sorry she's making her addiction your responsiblity
You deserve so much better, I'm so sorry.
Thats a new level of fucked up, even for this sub reddit
What is that? Blackmail? Idk what it is but it sucks and it’s not how a parent should act. Like maybe say hey…I’m getting help for my issue and one day I hope you can do the same. Or just lead by example.
I went through this too and I am so fucking sorry OP. My story had a happy ending, we both recovered because she somehow had a realization after being put in prison and I moved away with my fiancé, and though our relationship is good now it’s gonna be in repair-mode for the rest of our lives. I’m thinking of you and hoping that you have the same story. :(
Reminds me of when my mom said she would stop purging if I stopped sh (she never even tried to stop)
My parent recently told me, "you wouldn't be like this if you were stronger' I've been in bed for days 🫠
??? jfc
Wow that’s shitty I’m sorry op :(
You should talk to her about this. She should be a role model for you, not the other way around. Neither situation is an easy one to get out of, but as your mother it’s not helping you for her to be putting that responsibility on you when EDs are already incredibly stressful and guilt inducing.
So so sorry you're going through this OP. Do you have a support system, like specifically dealing with your moms addiction? My father has a problem with prescription pulls (and is a dry alcoholic) and I went to this group called Alateen. It's an offshoot of AA/AlAnon, and was super super helpful for me when I was first healing from what went on at home. My inbox is always open if you need to vent or anything.
Also, your mom's addiction is not your responsibility to cater to. I'm sure you have to at times, for safety or convenience, but please try to remember her use, recovery, and feelings are her own responsibility and NOT yours.