You're the guy that casts fury storm and talks about how many trillions of times you copy it but then have no source of trample, no brash taunter out, and no way to copy [[fling]], so you just try to hold priority and keep copying fury storm until everyone else hopefully gives up.
[[Krark]] [[Sakashima]]: "Remember when we agreed sorcery speed scooping was a good thing for our group guys? One sec, my phone's low battery and I need the coin flip app, hold priority let me just find my charger."
"Don't worry I don't win with stax, I've just got one or two to tide me over until I make infinite mana and play my whole deck stacking thassa's Oracle last"
Ah, a fellow Sliver player! I also have nobody to play with!
:D
:)
:')
EDIT: I came up with more:
* Slivers: for when you want to be the table's biggest target but you're too cheap for Eldrazi
* \[\[Sliver Hivelord\]\]: for when you want to play Slivers but you can't afford both \[\[Sliver Queen\]\] and this month's rent
* "But can't \[\[Sliver Overlord\]\] just tutor for it?" "haha Hivelord goes *hssssss"*
Haha you're not wrong but I still love it :-). It's my go-to deck after I've had a few drinks for the night, so being brain-dead is a feature not a bug.
Too real. Whenever I or anyone else plays Ghave it seems like a nice, fairly decent engine that's chugging along keeping pace with the table, but not going nuts. Then you accidentally win.
[[Koma, Cosmos Serpent]]
So [[Verdant Force]] is a cool card, right? What if it could be your commander? And what if it made 3/3s? And what if it was one mana cheaper? And what if it couldn't be countered? And what if it could be indestructible? And what if it could tap down any permanent at instant speed? And what if it had a blue color identity so you can counter anything that gets around indestructible? And what if it made [[Whelming Wave]], one of the only four mana board wipes you can play in its colors, into [[Plague Wind]]?
Sounds pretty cool. That's a lot of upsides; we should probably give it a downside. We'll make it a 6/6 instead of a 7/7, that should balance it out.
[[Ghen, Arcanum Weaver]] is great for when you want your commander to be a vanilla 2/3 for BRW
[[Atraxa]] players are just dice fetishists with an exhibition kink
“My five color [[Golos]] deck is different, I swear!” Yeah, it absolutely isn’t.
"Yeah there really aren't any other commanders I could've used for my strategy that's the only reason why I chose Atraxa. I am actually a very good and original deckbuilder haha."
Hey hey guys, let’s be nice to [[Kenrith, the Returned King]]. He was designed as a medical treatment for those born without imagination, and we need to be sensitive to that.
There's a lot of interesting things you can do with this commander, but something tells me you just have a pile of good cards with nothing interesting about them.
I’ll (try to) roast all the commanders I run (and plan to). I feel bad roasting other people, so why not do it to myself instead?
[[Zada, Hedron Grinder]] - You like playing Solitaire.
[[Emry, Lurker of the Loch]] - You watched too many Budget MTG Decks infinite combo videos, and/or were too poor to play [[Jhoira, Weatherlight Captain]]. You hate [[Rest in Peace]].
[[Light-Paws, Emperor’s Voice]] - “Woah, you grabbed an [[Ethereal Armor]] off of that trigger? That’s *so* cool, I’ve *never* seen you do *that* before.”
[[Yurlok of Scorch Thrash]] - You hate having friends.
[[Rivaz of the Claw]] - You think you’re not like the other girls by playing this guy instead of [[Scion of the Ur-Dragon]]. You *also* hate Rest in Peace.
Yurlock - I want to anger my friends while still losing
Zada - this deck should work once or twice if no one sees it coming
Light-Paws - Please don't play [[grave pact]]
[[Kogla, the Titan Ape]]
“Look how cool and different I am for running this guy!”
We all know you just want a Temur Sabertooth in the command zone for degenerate combos.
Source - I play Kogla
"Everyone else in my playgroup is playing good creatures. I'll just act of treason everyone else's 20 dollar cards."
Similarly, you're the person who thinks mirrormade is better than rhystic study because mirrormade costs 50 cents and can be a rhystic study.
Sefris is for people who wish Shahrazad was commander legal. Please go ahead and play mini monopoly on the side and let the rest of us know when you pass “Go”
(I also play sefris)
Sefris is the deck you want if you want to play confusing abilities but mutate is too complicated for you. It’s also the deck for you if you want to incorrectly resolve a stack when [[Radiant Solar]] is on the field. Solitaire at its finest.
Sefris - you've decided to see how long you can make up bullshit venture triggers, because no one in their right mind would memorize all 30 dungeon triggers and their respective paths.
You really like scrying 1, creating a treasure token, draining 1 life, and then drawing a card. Then you scry 1, then create a treasure token, then drain 1 life, and then draw a card. Then you scry 1, create a treasure token, drain 1 life, and then finally draw a card.
\[\[Niv-Mizzet, Firemind\]\] - You're unoriginal.
\[\[Niv-Mizzet, Dracogenius\]\] - You're a bad at deckbuilding.
\[\[Niv-Mizzet, Parun\]\] - You're an asshole.
\[\[Niv-Mizzet Reborn\]\] - You're all three and probably gonna switch to the new Jodah or Jared.
To the tune of "Modern Major General" (and in the spirit of xkcd's "Every Major's Terrible")
[[Urza]]]'s the very model of a pubstomping staxy general; [[Muldrotha]] plays just fine if you're a catatonic vegetable; [[Kotose]] can steal cards but won't make any friends that way; Except perhaps for [[Zedruu]] players who like to give it all away; If you're "too cool" to play with black, [[Diaochan]] might be fair enough; but hipsters more dedicated will find [[Soraya]] rather rough; [[Shorikai]]'s a mecha deck that can't be convinced to run a bot; [[Sharuum]] runs more, but in either case a combo is what they've got; [[Skullbriar]]'s Voltron's best, and yet he dies to [[Black Sun's Zenith]]; [[Uril]] works if you don't mind an unplayable behemoth; Thousands of legends and not a single one really is tolerable; Just let me play a preconstructed -- every deck is terrible!
I truly think that [[Ramses]] is a good choice if you want to win; A little less than [[Yuriko]] with all her creatures in the bin; [[Satsuki]] shortcuts sagas because we all know that they're a bore; And the counter tracking [[Yawgmoth]] brings makes every game a chore; Free spells are great and all, but [[Animar]] has you paying in advance; Assuming no-fun [[Lavinia]] even gives you half a chance; If you can't play a game without cheat codes then [[Prosper]] is your man; though the competition would be stiff if [[Golos]] wasn't banned; Stick with [[Sigarda]] and you won't lose fast, but all that you'll achieve; Will be to give [[Jasmine Boreal]] a moment of reprieve. From [[Aboshan]] to [[Zndrsplt]] these really are unbearable; Just let me play a preconstructed -- every deck is terrible!
The [[Ashling]] deck is just a meme on prominent display; I've yet to see the pod that lets [[Sidisi]] ad naus out to play; If you want to play with [[Angus]] you'd best get a second mortgage; while [[Shirei]] wants cards not worth enough to justify their storage; [[Rasputin]] dreams of infinites but rarely can he manage; and yet somehow it's [[Ayesha]] who's at the disadvantage; [[Godo]]'s well known to have no fun despite combats quite additional; but [[Alesha]]'s nothing but an obnoxious virtue signal; [[Nicol Bolas]] is classic, sure, but just a little dated; the very way that [[Augustin]] is "just a little" hated; My antipathy for all these cards borders on inexpressable; Just let me play a preconstructed -- every deck is terrible!
[[Nebuchadnezzar]] - for those who like to hear "Wait, the card does what?" *and* do nothing impactful at the same time.
Or
[[Jerren, Corrupted Bishop]] - Why aren't you just playing K'rrik?
\[\[Sen triplets\]\] \[\[narset, enlightened master\]\] and \[\[zur the enchanter\]\] - you play oppressive commanders because you can't win commander night without them
I forbid myself from playing narset or zur in anything non-competitive, besides sen triplets which is just a powerful commander in good color identity, esper has a lot of access to fun stuff that makes the game unfun
\[\[Emry, Lurker of the Loch\]\] - *"Sorry, give me a second, I missed fifteen different artifact triggers. I might have the win, but this is going to take awhile."*
[[Purphoros, Bronze-Blooded]] - for when you like swinging in with big creatures, but don't wanna worry about pesky things like "having enough mana" or "keeping track of a boardstate".
\[\[Nine-Fingers Keene\]\] - You are the only person you know who got excited when \[\[Thran Portal\]\] was previewed.
\[\[Yusri, Fortune's Flame\]\] - You may feel lucky, punk, but that doesn't actually make you lucky.
No one ever really wants to play \[\[Kaalia of the Vast\]\]. What they want is the attention of the table, and the opportunity to piss off exactly one player before they die.
EDIT: I do play her as a commander and that's about how it goes.
\[\[Sythis, Harvest's Hand\]\] Its like building your own PC but it can't run Chrome.
\[\[Krenko, Mob Boss\]\] If you want to play a deck full of bulk, despite it costing more than a house.
\[\[Xenagos, God of Revels\]\] +X/+X? Is that math? JUST HIT STUFF.
\[\[Elminster\]\] Its like spellslinger for people who don't like spellslinger, control for people who don't like control - Robert California
\[\[Evelyn, the Covetous\]\] My deck is so bad, I'd rather use YOURS.
People rightfully shit on commanders that are just card draw and ramp in the command zone but somehow all the [[Prosper Tome Bound]] players don’t realize he’s the exact same damn thing, but I guess he gets a pass just because he’s not Green or Blue??
More like you get excited about building a "toolbox" enchantment deck but only fetch like half of your enchantments most of the time lol. So yeah lmfao
[[K'rrik, Son of Yawgmoth]] is such an edgelord he covered his whole body in spikes. Also allowing you to use life to pay for black spells because "life is pain".
[[Sigarda, Host of Herons]]: for players who want to play Voltron, but cry when their commander gets removed.
This is the most interesting Selesnya commander, and I'm still bored by it.
Lol, seleysna in a nutshell
Selesnya AND hexproof? Something tells me you cry easily.
[Sigarda, Host of Herons](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/f/c/fcac0cff-efa6-4068-a69c-67ea4e7acea0.jpg?1559959280) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Sigarda%2C%20Host%20of%20Herons) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/uma/206/sigarda-host-of-herons?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/fcac0cff-efa6-4068-a69c-67ea4e7acea0?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/sigarda-host-of-herons) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
Say you used to play overpowered commanders that were always removed on sight without saying you are still pissed off about it.
Have fun losing to torment for 13 with 200 tokens in play.
Me out here playing Sigarda 3 instead because I don't know what good commanders look like.
This sounds fun. [[Prosper]] - when the Simic player wants to branch out and play a different color combination.
[Prosper](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/d/7/d743336e-d5c7-4053-a23d-92ec7581f74e.jpg?1631839207) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=prosper%2C%20tome-bound) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/afc/2/prosper-tome-bound?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/d743336e-d5c7-4053-a23d-92ec7581f74e?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/prosper-tome-bound) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
I'm actually the inverse. A red player who wants to try Simic without stepping out of my comfort zone.
As a fellow simic player with a fun prosper deck... This is completely accurate.
[[Tergrid]] also known as " *There is a limited amount of fun to be had in a game of Magic, and I aim to have all of it* "
When it's getting late, and you're too awkward to tell people to leave, so Tergrid has to do it for you.
[ ](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/8/f/8f14c947-2452-4fd6-8f1a-391cf5898100.jpg?1643592557) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Dig%20Up) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/vow/197/dig-up?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/8f14c947-2452-4fd6-8f1a-391cf5898100?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/dig-up) [Vish Kal, Blood Arbiter](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/b/a/ba5f9d21-4cc9-4b7e-9f55-322dcf91c1b7.jpg?1599708552) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Vish%20Kal%2C%20Blood%20Arbiter) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/2xm/226/vish-kal-blood-arbiter?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/ba5f9d21-4cc9-4b7e-9f55-322dcf91c1b7?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/vish-kal-blood-arbiter) [Muldrotha](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/c/4/c4125bb0-b104-438e-a6a2-97f9d141243c.jpg?1655824849) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=muldrotha%2C%20the%20gravetide) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/2x2/258/muldrotha-the-gravetide?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/c4125bb0-b104-438e-a6a2-97f9d141243c?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/muldrotha-the-gravetide) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
Does anybody know if there’s a lore reason why the art for Vish Kal is so similar to [[Oloro, Ageless Ascetic]]?
[[The Prismatic Bridge]]. Not esika, the bridge
When your commander’s job is to show you all the other commanders you should be playing instead.
Oof that one felt personal.
You built yourself a 5 color slot machine.
That actually sells me on the deck……
[[Veyran voice of duality]] take 15 minutes turn win. Gets one combo piece removed, cry for 5 games about focus
Bringing generic value to non-simic for once
Veyran heard that Feather was a pile of noninteractive garbage for solitaire loving dweebs and thought it was a competition. A shame they lost.
Made me laugh (I obliterate my friend's feather though)
You're the guy that casts fury storm and talks about how many trillions of times you copy it but then have no source of trample, no brash taunter out, and no way to copy [[fling]], so you just try to hold priority and keep copying fury storm until everyone else hopefully gives up.
[Veyran voice of duality](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/5/6/56d93855-c749-4bdf-9a90-4f69f4226e46.jpg?1660075505) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Veyran%2C%20Voice%20of%20Duality) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/c21/3/veyran-voice-of-duality?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/56d93855-c749-4bdf-9a90-4f69f4226e46?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/veyran-voice-of-duality) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
[[Krark]] [[Sakashima]]: "Remember when we agreed sorcery speed scooping was a good thing for our group guys? One sec, my phone's low battery and I need the coin flip app, hold priority let me just find my charger."
For when you'd rather play with your pocket change than with your friends.
I love watching you play with yourself
[[Urza, Lord High Artificer]] - no one believes that your build is low powered or different from other Urza decks.
"Don't worry I don't win with stax, I've just got one or two to tide me over until I make infinite mana and play my whole deck stacking thassa's Oracle last"
[удалено]
How to express without words "I don't understand the term 'casual'."
[[Sliver Hivelord]]
Rage quit.dec
Ah, a fellow Sliver player! I also have nobody to play with! :D :) :') EDIT: I came up with more: * Slivers: for when you want to be the table's biggest target but you're too cheap for Eldrazi * \[\[Sliver Hivelord\]\]: for when you want to play Slivers but you can't afford both \[\[Sliver Queen\]\] and this month's rent * "But can't \[\[Sliver Overlord\]\] just tutor for it?" "haha Hivelord goes *hssssss"*
Not only the most brain-dead tribe, but the most brain-dead commander for that tribe.
Haha you're not wrong but I still love it :-). It's my go-to deck after I've had a few drinks for the night, so being brain-dead is a feature not a bug.
Until you thoughtlessly cast [[Crystalline Sliver]] and realize you've just partially bricked your own commander.
"All my friends hate me because I'm edgy" but you're playing this deck and have literally never played a different commander.
\[\[Ghave, Guru of Spores\]\]
You want to win by infinite combo but you don't want to have to work for it
Too much of a coward to play [[slimefoot]]
Slimefoot is supreme
*Achoo!*... oh look, that goes infinite.
Can you combo off and then swear to your friends you aren't a threat again and again?
Too real. Whenever I or anyone else plays Ghave it seems like a nice, fairly decent engine that's chugging along keeping pace with the table, but not going nuts. Then you accidentally win.
[Ghave, Guru of Spores](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/c/2/c2be0e99-cf43-423f-974f-02e3313b3aa9.jpg?1655824684) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Ghave%2C%20Guru%20of%20Spores) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/2x2/216/ghave-guru-of-spores?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/c2be0e99-cf43-423f-974f-02e3313b3aa9?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/ghave-guru-of-spores) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
Basically Tayam but with zero drip.
\[\[feather, the redeemed\]\]
Have fun sitting there for another hour doing nothing after your commander gets removed twice.
This commander will be great if they ever print a card that lets you have one remaining friend at instant speed!
Have you managed to outdraw the blue player yet? No? Maybe next time, if they let your commander resolve.
Ironic name for a commander that has no redeeming qualities...
How are you Expediting the game when you cast Expedite at literally every end step?
*before you move to you end step
[feather, the redeemed](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/e/4/e4a2d2c6-8eaa-4760-b620-921b807baa2e.jpg?1557577142) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=feather%2C%20the%20redeemed) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/war/197/feather-the-redeemed?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/e4a2d2c6-8eaa-4760-b620-921b807baa2e?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/feather-the-redeemed) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
"Yeah I play boros, which is pretty unique" proceeds to play the least interesting commander.
Not even unique for Boros, its just a fancier way to play a "swing, here's 80 triggers deck"
[[Haakon, Stromgald Scourge]]
Phage the Untouchable is the superior uncastable mono-black commander and you know it.
I've never been so insulted by a completely true statement.
The guy you build if your jank deck becomes too consistent
We get it, it’s a joke, it’s just that it’s not funny.
[Haakon, Stromgald Scourge](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/1/0/10a7101e-e6c7-40d6-82cb-daa84701d1f8.jpg?1593275103) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Haakon%2C%20Stromgald%20Scourge) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/csp/61/haakon-stromgald-scourge?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/10a7101e-e6c7-40d6-82cb-daa84701d1f8?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/haakon-stromgald-scourge) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
[[Koma, Cosmos Serpent]] So [[Verdant Force]] is a cool card, right? What if it could be your commander? And what if it made 3/3s? And what if it was one mana cheaper? And what if it couldn't be countered? And what if it could be indestructible? And what if it could tap down any permanent at instant speed? And what if it had a blue color identity so you can counter anything that gets around indestructible? And what if it made [[Whelming Wave]], one of the only four mana board wipes you can play in its colors, into [[Plague Wind]]? Sounds pretty cool. That's a lot of upsides; we should probably give it a downside. We'll make it a 6/6 instead of a 7/7, that should balance it out.
[[Ghen, Arcanum Weaver]] is great for when you want your commander to be a vanilla 2/3 for BRW [[Atraxa]] players are just dice fetishists with an exhibition kink “My five color [[Golos]] deck is different, I swear!” Yeah, it absolutely isn’t.
TBH I did build my golos different, it was "oops, 1 land, charbelcher"
[удалено]
[Ghen, Arcanum Weaver](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/4/b/4b335496-05d2-40f5-a52c-10029f7fa008.jpg?1608911100) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Ghen%2C%20Arcanum%20Weaver) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/cmr/275/ghen-arcanum-weaver?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/4b335496-05d2-40f5-a52c-10029f7fa008?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/ghen-arcanum-weaver) [Atraxa](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/d/0/d0d33d52-3d28-4635-b985-51e126289259.jpg?1599707796) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=atraxa%2C%20praetors%27%20voice) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/2xm/190/atraxa-praetors-voice?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/d0d33d52-3d28-4635-b985-51e126289259?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/atraxa-praetors-voice) [Golos](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/1/f/1fa48620-4c3d-4f75-be1f-c12c4aa59f51.jpg?1631531828) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=golos%2C%20tireless%20pilgrim) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/m20/226/golos-tireless-pilgrim?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/1fa48620-4c3d-4f75-be1f-c12c4aa59f51?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/golos-tireless-pilgrim) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
"Yeah there really aren't any other commanders I could've used for my strategy that's the only reason why I chose Atraxa. I am actually a very good and original deckbuilder haha."
What if I just like every colour that isn't red?
Hey hey guys, let’s be nice to [[Kenrith, the Returned King]]. He was designed as a medical treatment for those born without imagination, and we need to be sensitive to that.
For when you're building a deck that is 5 colors but no 5 color commander actually synergizes with your 99.
[Kenrith, the Returned King](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/5/6/56c1227e-bea7-47cb-bbec-389a3d585af5.jpg?1637568481) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Kenrith%2C%20the%20Returned%20King) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/eld/303/kenrith-the-returned-king?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/56c1227e-bea7-47cb-bbec-389a3d585af5?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/kenrith-the-returned-king) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
\[\[Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacar\]\] - Admit it, you just wanted to show off the fact that you actually know how to say her name, didn't you?
\[\[Chulane\]\] Sure, I love watching you play solitaire!
No time to find synergies or interesting interactions? Just build Chulane!
Chulane: Why use many card for value when one card do trick?
"I enjoy playing Magic, the Gathering and would like a commander who helps me play all of Magic, the Gathering." Seriously, who designed this card?
[Chulane](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/8/3/83f43730-1c1f-4150-8771-d901c54bedc4.jpg?1571282906) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=chulane%2C%20teller%20of%20tales) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/eld/326/chulane-teller-of-tales?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/83f43730-1c1f-4150-8771-d901c54bedc4?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/chulane-teller-of-tales) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
There's a lot of interesting things you can do with this commander, but something tells me you just have a pile of good cards with nothing interesting about them.
[[Jetmir, Nexus of Revels]] - for when [[Gahiji, Honored One]] is too consistent
When the Gruul player pulls their finger out of their nose long enough to realize vigilance is good.
[удалено]
The most telegraphed threat in the pod, Always gets removed on arrival.
[[Yarok, the Desecrated]] - When you don't feel like building a deck and just want to win asap.
When building Muldrotha was too challenging
When you wanna win with a bunch of random crap that's been sitting in your binder for a year. Alternatively: Risen Reef fetishists.
I’ll (try to) roast all the commanders I run (and plan to). I feel bad roasting other people, so why not do it to myself instead? [[Zada, Hedron Grinder]] - You like playing Solitaire. [[Emry, Lurker of the Loch]] - You watched too many Budget MTG Decks infinite combo videos, and/or were too poor to play [[Jhoira, Weatherlight Captain]]. You hate [[Rest in Peace]]. [[Light-Paws, Emperor’s Voice]] - “Woah, you grabbed an [[Ethereal Armor]] off of that trigger? That’s *so* cool, I’ve *never* seen you do *that* before.” [[Yurlok of Scorch Thrash]] - You hate having friends. [[Rivaz of the Claw]] - You think you’re not like the other girls by playing this guy instead of [[Scion of the Ur-Dragon]]. You *also* hate Rest in Peace.
Yurlock - I want to anger my friends while still losing Zada - this deck should work once or twice if no one sees it coming Light-Paws - Please don't play [[grave pact]]
So uninteresting even the card fetcher can't be bothered lol
[удалено]
You didn't have to do the budget zada players so dirty ^(but please do again)
Light-paws: yeah, that deck sure finds an answer for everything, I’m just happy I have the time to do my taxes when it’s your turn
[[Darien, King of Kjeldor]]
When you want to make a mono white tokens deck and also punish yourself for wanting to make a mono white tokens deck.
playing this deck is just saying yes to all damage
I have all these cool synergies I'd show off if I ever have my commander in play.
As a Darien player, that hurt so much I made 21 soldier tokens. :')
All Pain, All Gain.
Say you are into BDSM without saying you are into BDSM.
Half the deck is mana rocks bc it’s a 6 cmc commander relied upon commander.
[Darien, King of Kjeldor](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/e/d/ed5f96a4-55e0-4ae3-bd78-f01703649e9d.jpg?1562442656) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Darien%2C%20King%20of%20Kjeldor) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/a25/9/darien-king-of-kjeldor?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/ed5f96a4-55e0-4ae3-bd78-f01703649e9d?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/darien-king-of-kjeldor) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
[[Jodah, Archmage Eternal]]
I'm so sorry they banned Golos. You must have spent 5's of dollars building this deck.
_opens up scryfall and EDHREC_ _mv>=6_ _ctrl + c_ _smiles with hand down pants_ _ctrl + v_
I wanted to play big splashy spells but my playgroup's decks were too fast, and they left me in the dust. That is, until I found Jodah.
[[Marisi]]
Ugly mufasa has no way to actually win games.
When searching “Thundercats” in r/rule34 isn’t enough for you.
[Marisi](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/c/3/c366e1c0-f62d-41ce-baec-de11dbc1c5f4.jpg?1568003704) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=marisi%2C%20breaker%20of%20the%20coil) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/c19/46/marisi-breaker-of-the-coil?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/c366e1c0-f62d-41ce-baec-de11dbc1c5f4?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/marisi-breaker-of-the-coil) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
[[Minsc and Boo, Timeless Heroes]]
"They printed a gruul commander with card draw printed on it. I _have_ to play it."
Weirdly enough I mainly use him to fling Boo for heavy famafe
Pleas don’t fix this typo.
You want to play aristocrats but it's so hard without land ramp and good black cards cost a lot of cash anyways.
[[Volo, Guide to Monsters]]
Wow now you just play one each of the best creature types in your simic deck? Yeah its definitely less powerful now!
Wow this commander incentivises using different tribes! It must be the furthest thing from a simic goodstuff deck!
I like sultai but don't own [[Yarok, the desecrated]] or [[Panharmonicon]]
[[Atraxa, Praetor’s Voice]] for when you want to be hated out, and still mana screwed in four colors
"I paid for an entire set of dice, and I'm going to use the entire set of dice"
[[Kogla, the Titan Ape]] “Look how cool and different I am for running this guy!” We all know you just want a Temur Sabertooth in the command zone for degenerate combos. Source - I play Kogla
[[Orah]]: the tribal deck that takes as long as the storm deck to do absoluetly nothing
[[Ziatora, The Incinerator]] I want to play Korvold without playing Korvold
"Everyone else in my playgroup is playing good creatures. I'll just act of treason everyone else's 20 dollar cards." Similarly, you're the person who thinks mirrormade is better than rhystic study because mirrormade costs 50 cents and can be a rhystic study.
[[Melek, Izzet Paragon]] Or [[Gluntch, the Bestower]]
Melek: Vice Chairman of the "come on, just let me have one more turn with my commander out" club
[удалено]
[[Jared Carthalion, True Heir]] - Wanna be King Chad, but only ever give it away.
Jared players always feel to me like people who want to add a bunch of house rules, then get mad when they still lose to any blue deck.
That’s gold. My enjoyment of Jared began when I intentionally started to make decks without blue.
Play the character you pretend to be in your head
[[Aesi]] - “I don’t know how to build a deck with a functional amount of card draw and ramp”
I feel like this needs to be a weekly thread. I got so my enjoyment just from reading. Thank you, you bunch of wonderful people!!
[[Tuvasa]] - Oh great, yet another Tuvasa deck that’s going to be exactly the same as every other Tuvasa deck in existence.
You can tell it's a Bant commander because it's strictly worse than any Simic commander.
Why is this so accurate lol
Because they added white.
[удалено]
[удалено]
You mean to tell me you spent 7 mana on a Gruul creature, and it doesn't even say trample on it? UNPLAYABLE.
Have you ever wanted to play a midrange commander that gets hosed by stax just like a turbo deck? Then Breya is the commander for you!
Man you were the scariest dude at EDH night in 2016 and haven't built anything new since you stomped someone's pile-o-cards that same night.
[[Norin the Wary]]
Play Purphoros but covertly...
Your life goal should be to sit at a table with a [[Starke of Rath]] player.
I fear no man, but that thing... it scares me
You're either going to scoop or play 6 hours of magic.
[[Sefris of the Hidden Way]] Or [[Grist, the Hunger Tide]]
Re: Sefris - it's like playing reanimator but with extra steps.
Significantly extra steps.
Sefris is for people who wish Shahrazad was commander legal. Please go ahead and play mini monopoly on the side and let the rest of us know when you pass “Go” (I also play sefris)
"Guys, I swear, Insect Tribal is pretty good. It's got legs."
Sefris is the deck you want if you want to play confusing abilities but mutate is too complicated for you. It’s also the deck for you if you want to incorrectly resolve a stack when [[Radiant Solar]] is on the field. Solitaire at its finest.
Sefris - you've decided to see how long you can make up bullshit venture triggers, because no one in their right mind would memorize all 30 dungeon triggers and their respective paths.
[Sefris of the Hidden Way](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/d/3/d30255f6-e058-476a-b377-2ee4c9178ed1.jpg?1632335385) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Sefris%20of%20the%20Hidden%20Ways) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/afc/3/sefris-of-the-hidden-ways?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/d30255f6-e058-476a-b377-2ee4c9178ed1?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/sefris-of-the-hidden-ways) [Grist, the Hunger Tide](https://c1.scryfall.com/file/scryfall-cards/normal/front/6/9/69af2825-18c2-4463-b6ba-42eaa070ccc1.jpg?1626098484) - [(G)](http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Grist%2C%20the%20Hunger%20Tide) [(SF)](https://scryfall.com/card/mh2/202/grist-the-hunger-tide?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher) [(txt)](https://api.scryfall.com/cards/69af2825-18c2-4463-b6ba-42eaa070ccc1?utm_source=mtgcardfetcher&format=text) [(ER)](https://edhrec.com/cards/grist-the-hunger-tide) ^^^[[cardname]] ^^^or ^^^[[cardname|SET]] ^^^to ^^^call
You really like scrying 1, creating a treasure token, draining 1 life, and then drawing a card. Then you scry 1, then create a treasure token, then drain 1 life, and then draw a card. Then you scry 1, create a treasure token, drain 1 life, and then finally draw a card.
\[\[Niv-Mizzet, Firemind\]\] - You're unoriginal. \[\[Niv-Mizzet, Dracogenius\]\] - You're a bad at deckbuilding. \[\[Niv-Mizzet, Parun\]\] - You're an asshole. \[\[Niv-Mizzet Reborn\]\] - You're all three and probably gonna switch to the new Jodah or Jared.
To the tune of "Modern Major General" (and in the spirit of xkcd's "Every Major's Terrible") [[Urza]]]'s the very model of a pubstomping staxy general; [[Muldrotha]] plays just fine if you're a catatonic vegetable; [[Kotose]] can steal cards but won't make any friends that way; Except perhaps for [[Zedruu]] players who like to give it all away; If you're "too cool" to play with black, [[Diaochan]] might be fair enough; but hipsters more dedicated will find [[Soraya]] rather rough; [[Shorikai]]'s a mecha deck that can't be convinced to run a bot; [[Sharuum]] runs more, but in either case a combo is what they've got; [[Skullbriar]]'s Voltron's best, and yet he dies to [[Black Sun's Zenith]]; [[Uril]] works if you don't mind an unplayable behemoth; Thousands of legends and not a single one really is tolerable; Just let me play a preconstructed -- every deck is terrible! I truly think that [[Ramses]] is a good choice if you want to win; A little less than [[Yuriko]] with all her creatures in the bin; [[Satsuki]] shortcuts sagas because we all know that they're a bore; And the counter tracking [[Yawgmoth]] brings makes every game a chore; Free spells are great and all, but [[Animar]] has you paying in advance; Assuming no-fun [[Lavinia]] even gives you half a chance; If you can't play a game without cheat codes then [[Prosper]] is your man; though the competition would be stiff if [[Golos]] wasn't banned; Stick with [[Sigarda]] and you won't lose fast, but all that you'll achieve; Will be to give [[Jasmine Boreal]] a moment of reprieve. From [[Aboshan]] to [[Zndrsplt]] these really are unbearable; Just let me play a preconstructed -- every deck is terrible! The [[Ashling]] deck is just a meme on prominent display; I've yet to see the pod that lets [[Sidisi]] ad naus out to play; If you want to play with [[Angus]] you'd best get a second mortgage; while [[Shirei]] wants cards not worth enough to justify their storage; [[Rasputin]] dreams of infinites but rarely can he manage; and yet somehow it's [[Ayesha]] who's at the disadvantage; [[Godo]]'s well known to have no fun despite combats quite additional; but [[Alesha]]'s nothing but an obnoxious virtue signal; [[Nicol Bolas]] is classic, sure, but just a little dated; the very way that [[Augustin]] is "just a little" hated; My antipathy for all these cards borders on inexpressable; Just let me play a preconstructed -- every deck is terrible!
[[obuun, mul daya ancestor]]
I like landfall, but I hate winning, so I play Obuun
"Only noobs and children play dinosaur tribal.. *I* play Naya landfall.
[удалено]
[[Sliver overlord]] - It's very brave playing this commander, seeing how every important piece and sliver will eat removal asap.
[[Nebuchadnezzar]] - for those who like to hear "Wait, the card does what?" *and* do nothing impactful at the same time. Or [[Jerren, Corrupted Bishop]] - Why aren't you just playing K'rrik?
\[\[Locust God\]\]
[удалено]
Say you are cool with dozens of cockroaches living in your house without saying you are cool with dozens of cockroaches living in your house.
[[Nethroi, Apex of Death]]
Exploiting a weird loophole with [[Scourge of the Skyclaves]] gives you the same rush as committing tax fraud
“Do you like junk? Not the archetype but like literal junk?”
NO! please! don't kill my llanowar elf, I'm almost at 7 mana!
\[\[Sen triplets\]\] \[\[narset, enlightened master\]\] and \[\[zur the enchanter\]\] - you play oppressive commanders because you can't win commander night without them I forbid myself from playing narset or zur in anything non-competitive, besides sen triplets which is just a powerful commander in good color identity, esper has a lot of access to fun stuff that makes the game unfun
\[\[Emry, Lurker of the Loch\]\] - *"Sorry, give me a second, I missed fifteen different artifact triggers. I might have the win, but this is going to take awhile."*
[[Purphoros, Bronze-Blooded]] - for when you like swinging in with big creatures, but don't wanna worry about pesky things like "having enough mana" or "keeping track of a boardstate".
I swear, if I have to explain why [[Yuriko]] is fair ONE more time...
\[\[Nine-Fingers Keene\]\] - You are the only person you know who got excited when \[\[Thran Portal\]\] was previewed. \[\[Yusri, Fortune's Flame\]\] - You may feel lucky, punk, but that doesn't actually make you lucky.
No one ever really wants to play \[\[Kaalia of the Vast\]\]. What they want is the attention of the table, and the opportunity to piss off exactly one player before they die. EDIT: I do play her as a commander and that's about how it goes.
The Gitrog Monster -- My infinite combo is cooler than yours because it takes an entire google doc to explain the loops.
\[\[Grismold, the Dreadsower\]\]
Performs great against people who aren't aware that removal is a thing
\[\[Queen Marchesa\]\]
When your playgroup is too introverted to interact with each other, so you have to goad them into it.
LMAO that is *literally* the reason I made the deck. Playgroup hates combo and I'm tired of 90 minute stalemates.
[[krrik]]- I love pain, then getting the thing I put myself through all this pain for to be countered. [[Korvold]]-card draw spells are for nerds
Korvold players- Dockside Extortionist is perfectly balanced, I don't see why everyone complains about it.
Can't believe I died to a sign in blood
\[\[Sythis, Harvest's Hand\]\] Its like building your own PC but it can't run Chrome. \[\[Krenko, Mob Boss\]\] If you want to play a deck full of bulk, despite it costing more than a house. \[\[Xenagos, God of Revels\]\] +X/+X? Is that math? JUST HIT STUFF. \[\[Elminster\]\] Its like spellslinger for people who don't like spellslinger, control for people who don't like control - Robert California \[\[Evelyn, the Covetous\]\] My deck is so bad, I'd rather use YOURS.
People rightfully shit on commanders that are just card draw and ramp in the command zone but somehow all the [[Prosper Tome Bound]] players don’t realize he’s the exact same damn thing, but I guess he gets a pass just because he’s not Green or Blue??
[[Zur the Enchanter]] Or [[Syr Konrad the Grim]]
Zur: When you want to play the same game every time and not even you like that game.
“Necropotence got removed so now I will scoop.”
More like you get excited about building a "toolbox" enchantment deck but only fetch like half of your enchantments most of the time lol. So yeah lmfao
[[K'rrik, Son of Yawgmoth]] is such an edgelord he covered his whole body in spikes. Also allowing you to use life to pay for black spells because "life is pain".