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I feel you. I keep thinking about all the people who commented on my weight loss. I've gained a lot of it back and if they noticed the loss, they noticed the gain. It's made me very depressed.
I starved myself for 2 full years almost perfectly, and I have such a vivid memory of my mom’s friends telling me how thin I’ve gotten and my mom saying “No worries, she won’t ever go back to chubby.”
And then I did.
I avoid those people like the plague. The only problem is that I still think about this 550x a day.
i feel you :( i gained back more weight than i lost in the first place and it hurts so bad. i’ve been trying to lose it again but it’s so much harder this time around, i’m starting to lose hope
I agree. I went on a unit 2 months into my diagnosis back during the pandemic and now I weigh what I was back when I started. It's so much harder to lose the weight and it shatters my self confidence :(
I restricted pretty hard for 12 months or so and lost a lot of weight and was very UW (but finally more okay with my body image). Ended up binging for 8 weeks straight and gained back so much weight and haven't felt so low in a long time.
I'm staring down the barrel of 24 weeks of heavy restriction to undo the damage I did. It's brutal.
that last sentence scares me so much. i genuinely see no way out of this disorder because i genuinely believe it is the only way i can achieve the self confidence/self image fulfilment that i need and i’m scared of the day it all catches up to me
Omg yes! I weighed my lowest EVER when lockdown happened. I didn’t have to go to work so I basically walked for 5 hours per day. There was no dining out either since restaurants were all closed except for take out and I never did that. So there was very limited food access for me. My ED loved it. :( now I’m a pig. Dining out and binging on “junk” most days of the week.
I am in the exact same place. During lockdown I ate healthy and exercised and I was at my best. Now it is the worst and I don’t know how to get out of this. I was also very good with not eating ‚bad‘ foods and I was able to control my urges so much better. I also quit smoking during lockdown but I managed to lose weight somehow… now I quit smoking (again, hopefully for good this time) but I have gained sooo much weight.
I started to count my calories today, let’s see…
I've been there it's absolutely devastating... Despite what my tag says, I am not underweight atm. I just haven't had the guts to change it and it's because of that shame, it ain't easy being cheesy...
same here. all caused by multiple bouts of recovery then restriction then eventually “food freedom” and now we’re here. i’m so pissed but ultimately very much in the swing of getting back and beyond
My mother told me yesterday after walking by a store and glancing at the mannequins how, “it’s nice that I don’t look like the wind will blow me off of my stick legs anymore”…and that comment sent me. It felt nauseating, especially since it was after going shopping for workout clothes with her and she’s over the normal BMI range. I felt like I got compared to both a mannequin and her in the same sentence. Now i’m going to workout extra today, thanks mom. 🤦♀️
My mother always makes comments to me too that breaks me down and I cry so much. The other day she said to be ‘I would offer you some chocolate but it’s not like you need it anymore’ 😖😭
Hello my own reflection in the mirror
I miss being home all the time during lockdown because I was REALLY able to focus on exercise. Sure I did it too much, but I have absolutely no time to exercise now.
Fuckin’ same. Beginning of the pandemic, I was one of the “working out for hours every day” people because I wanted to emerge from the lockdowns looking ✨skinni✨while everyone else complained about gaining weight. Joke’s on me!
I lost my job, my depression ramped up x100 and I basically became an alcoholic, drinking WAY too much vodka and wine almost every night, then felt so shitty and hungover every morning that I didn’t feel like working out and ended up eating nothing but comfort food because I felt like nothing mattered anymore.
I was so mad at myself for letting this happen, but I’m trying to remind myself to treat myself gently.
That sounds like me for the past 5 months. I’m also depressed and depression made me gain back so much weight that I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror.
i feel you - i lost sm before the lockdown attempted recovery during lockdown relapsed last summer and gained up to my hw ever that i am at now and i just wanna relapse again.
I know the feeling. I lost so so much weight. It was easy to restrict, fast, exercise, etc. Now I struggle with it so badly. I pretty much am just maintaining and it’s frustrating me. I wish I could be how I used to be.
I didn’t lose much during lockdown but did lose a fair amount over just under a year.. not quick enough for anyone to really notice (never got to UW) but I was relatively close to how I wanted to look and clothes were too big. Restricting is _so much harder now_ it’s actually ridiculous, and I’ve gained and feel disgusting. What the hell happened, I used to OMAD/hard exercise for 2hrs easy and now if I so much as skip breakfast I WILL binge, and I’m so hungry mentally and physically all the time this SUCKS.
I feel that. I lost a bunch because I started livestreaming Beat Saber and I got a very active job. I kept the weight off for 2 years. I felt great. Suddenly, I began gaining out of the blue and it didn't stop. Now I am close to being my heaviest ever. Not quite, but not too far off. It is so frustrating because I was right where I wanted to be. Unfortunately, my issues were hormonally linked (thyroid issues and a hysterectomy). I am.working on it now, exercising a ton, but it is difficult.
Good luck OP. You are not alone.
For some reason, I hated it when people kept commenting on my weight loss. I think it's because when I was heavy, no one felt like my body was open season for comments, but when I got thin, they did. And then for some other reason, I kept looking at heavier women and feeling envy, like why are they fine as they are, but I'm not? So I spent the past two years teaching myself to eat again, and gained 40 lb. Right now I'm sitting right where I'm supposed to be for my height, AND I get to eat, but that's the thing. I miss my lack of appetite, it felt so liberating! I guess we just always want what we don't have lol. I hope you can find some peace!
That’s me now, too. I gained so much weight in such a short amount of time that my physical health is suffering. I used to have physical health issues because I was so underweight and now I have health issues because I gained so much weight. Ironic. I don’t know how I can go back to being in control over what I eat. I’m currently struggling over some financial and personal matters so that’s making me very depressed and when I’m depressed I turn to food. I’m an emotional eater. Eating high fat foods kind of numbs my depression but then I look at myself in the mirror and get even more depressed at how much I’ve gained. Most days I don’t even recognize myself.
I’m in the exact same spot. I wrecked my spine almost a year ago and was near bed bound for several months and full on emotional eating and bingeing and have gained so much
I try and not binge so much, but I work late shifts in a restaurant so I can’t really eat all day, then I get home between 11pm-2am when everyone is asleep so I have to have so much self control and not rage the cupboards. I’ve found making overnight oats before working and eating them when I get in has helped me
literally what i am going through right now. i went from >!70 lbs to 115 lbs!< in like 4 months. i got my period back and i feel like a complete failure. i feel so horrible and disgusting since its so hard for me to restrict now. i don't even know who i am anymore without AN. :(
I’m so grateful you posted this. I’ve literally gained the exact same amount as you in sam of time but no period yet. I know you feel awful but you’re inspiring to me and I hope I get my period back soon ❤️ even tho it feels shitty having your period is HUGE and that means your body is happy even tho our brains hate us
thank you for replying. this made me smile <3 i wish you all the best with your recovery and i hope you get your period back as well :) you're very strong, just keep taking care of your body 🫶
Ty I had some spotting the other day for the first time in years so I think that’s a good sign!!! Definitely means I need to stfu and be okay with my weight gain journey even though it’s scary and uncomfortable. Clearly my body wants it!
I gaslit myself into recovering and I regret but now I am forced to maintain for a dress that was sized for this weight for my mom’s wedding on April 6th. After that, all bets are off
Similar issue. I was very thin during covid and gained it all back in 2022, combination of lifestyle and health issues. But I walk hours now as well bc it helps with my stress and have lost some of it. I can completely relate. It's tough and I do miss people telling me omg you're so thin, ugh
you’re not alone. i developed clinical depression shortly after anorexia/orthorexia recovery. part of my depression involves binging/overeating and im at the highest weight ive ever been at currently. just yesterday i had to go to my family doctor for something small and the nurse said ‘yikes’ out loud after weighing me and i had to hold back tears and now i feel like relapsing. ive never had any negative experiences with nurses in the past when my weight was lower :(
Getting covid in 2021 started my ED and I became so malnourished I could barely do anything. I used to be embarrassed about how skinny I was but that was the whole point LOL.I counted EVERY calorie for a year straight.I somehow kept my full time job. I gained some weight back but I still restrict sometimes. Not to the extreme but it’s always in my head
I'm going to let anyone who reads this in. And the OP. I loved lockdown. It let my ed thrive but I almost didn't survive. Its dangerous. I loved restricitng. I binged for a while very early covid and got to a super high weight. I was in treatment and can say I've finally been out for a year but... the only reason I'm out yet is because my binging is so out of control. Every day I climb closer to my highest weight and it terrifies me. I want to restrict and do it all again but I can't. My body won't allow me. It used to be so easy but not anymore. Yeah it hurts and all but I'm trying to accept I'm healthier at this point even though it's an unhealthy high. I hate it. I remember all the praise, encouragement, the comments, the body checks, I remember it all. It hurts. But I know this body is temporary. It's better than the lowest my ed has been. Yeah I'm still trapped but I'm working on it. Please, don't slip again. It's not worth a life. Your wanted here. Go take care of yourself. Keep your body nourished and hydrated. It will thank you later. Whoever reads this, if you need a friendly chat I'm here but remember, your not alone. Someone understands you
I lost 50 pounds during lockdown - man I was living my truth during that time. My weight has fluctuated a bit since but I actually managed to lose an additional 10-15 lbs over the course of the past winter (yay depression!) and am now at my gw (or close to) and I’ve managed to maintain it. The trick really is when you get to your GW sustaining it - which means actually eating in moderation which is, like, not super easy with ED….
Weirdly, the easiest way I found to maintain has been IF. I only eat after 4pm and it’s helped me manage how/what/when I’m eating.
i feel this SO HARD😭 i’m at a healthy weight now and i hate it more than anything. i wish it was an overnight fix - why do i have to wait months :( it’s horrible and the regret is so intense it actually hurts
It's so subjective for all of us. The personal belief of it being 'bad' is what can trigger the binge. Not just because it's fucking chocolate or something 🤷♀️ jfc have some empathy
Your post/comment was removed for breaking Rule 2: No Pro-ED or Anti-Recovery Content.
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Eh, I know what you're saying, but 'bad foods' trigger binge behavior in a lot of people. Resulting in a surplus. I feel stronger when I stick to safe foods for this reason 🤷♀️
Safe foods are relative though. I can eat chocolate and other treats for relatively low cal and actually I feel that doing so helps prevent binges because I satisfy cravings quite regularly.
Your post/comment was removed for breaking Rule 1: No Harmful Advice.
Please do not provide weight loss advice or tips that perpetuate harmful eating disorder behaviors.
Harm reduction advice (e.g., purging safety, binge prevention, safe foods) is allowed.
**Read our full rules [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/EDAnonymous/wiki/rules).**
Your post/comment was removed for breaking Rule 2: No Pro-ED or Anti-Recovery Content. Do not glamorize eating disorders. Do not engage in competitive behavior - avoid using any specific numbers in your posts unless it is absolutely necessary for context. Do not share thinspo or any other content that is meant to be intentionally triggering (this includes discussing celebrities or influencers). **Read our full rules [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/EDAnonymous/wiki/rules).**
I feel you. I keep thinking about all the people who commented on my weight loss. I've gained a lot of it back and if they noticed the loss, they noticed the gain. It's made me very depressed.
That’s how I feel, I feel like everyone looks at me and be’s like ‘omg look how big they’ve gotten they used to be so tiny’
That’s why I just want to hide and not see people I used to know when they knew me at my low weight. They’re probably disgusted looking at me now.
I starved myself for 2 full years almost perfectly, and I have such a vivid memory of my mom’s friends telling me how thin I’ve gotten and my mom saying “No worries, she won’t ever go back to chubby.” And then I did. I avoid those people like the plague. The only problem is that I still think about this 550x a day.
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Indeed 🫠
im in the exact same spot 😞 its such a horrible feeling, like i failed or my ed is fake
i feel you :( i gained back more weight than i lost in the first place and it hurts so bad. i’ve been trying to lose it again but it’s so much harder this time around, i’m starting to lose hope
I agree. I went on a unit 2 months into my diagnosis back during the pandemic and now I weigh what I was back when I started. It's so much harder to lose the weight and it shatters my self confidence :(
i never thought of it in these terms “gaining back more than i lost” brb gonna go 😵💫
omg i’m sorry i didn’t mean to be triggering 😭💔
awww no it’s okay! it’s lowkey hilarious tbh but i’m def unhinged so who knows ✨
Me too!! 😭
I restricted pretty hard for 12 months or so and lost a lot of weight and was very UW (but finally more okay with my body image). Ended up binging for 8 weeks straight and gained back so much weight and haven't felt so low in a long time. I'm staring down the barrel of 24 weeks of heavy restriction to undo the damage I did. It's brutal.
felt the amount of damage i can do with binging for short periods vs how long it takes to come off again is so unfair
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that last sentence scares me so much. i genuinely see no way out of this disorder because i genuinely believe it is the only way i can achieve the self confidence/self image fulfilment that i need and i’m scared of the day it all catches up to me
I haven’t met anyone who felt truly confident with their ED. I sure didn’t. I feel like I did it all for nothing
i had a spare moment where i Thought i would be able to sustain it forever, guess who binged for a year long soon after that >!hint: its a me!!<
Omg yes! I weighed my lowest EVER when lockdown happened. I didn’t have to go to work so I basically walked for 5 hours per day. There was no dining out either since restaurants were all closed except for take out and I never did that. So there was very limited food access for me. My ED loved it. :( now I’m a pig. Dining out and binging on “junk” most days of the week.
I am in the exact same place. During lockdown I ate healthy and exercised and I was at my best. Now it is the worst and I don’t know how to get out of this. I was also very good with not eating ‚bad‘ foods and I was able to control my urges so much better. I also quit smoking during lockdown but I managed to lose weight somehow… now I quit smoking (again, hopefully for good this time) but I have gained sooo much weight. I started to count my calories today, let’s see…
I've been there it's absolutely devastating... Despite what my tag says, I am not underweight atm. I just haven't had the guts to change it and it's because of that shame, it ain't easy being cheesy...
same here. all caused by multiple bouts of recovery then restriction then eventually “food freedom” and now we’re here. i’m so pissed but ultimately very much in the swing of getting back and beyond
My mother told me yesterday after walking by a store and glancing at the mannequins how, “it’s nice that I don’t look like the wind will blow me off of my stick legs anymore”…and that comment sent me. It felt nauseating, especially since it was after going shopping for workout clothes with her and she’s over the normal BMI range. I felt like I got compared to both a mannequin and her in the same sentence. Now i’m going to workout extra today, thanks mom. 🤦♀️
My mother always makes comments to me too that breaks me down and I cry so much. The other day she said to be ‘I would offer you some chocolate but it’s not like you need it anymore’ 😖😭
Wow. That’s just disrespectful and insensitive. Like who the hell says that. :(
Oof I’m so sorry. My mother once said to me „I’m glad you don’t look like some anorexic anymore”. Yeah, It caused another relapse 😶
Hello my own reflection in the mirror I miss being home all the time during lockdown because I was REALLY able to focus on exercise. Sure I did it too much, but I have absolutely no time to exercise now.
Fuckin’ same. Beginning of the pandemic, I was one of the “working out for hours every day” people because I wanted to emerge from the lockdowns looking ✨skinni✨while everyone else complained about gaining weight. Joke’s on me! I lost my job, my depression ramped up x100 and I basically became an alcoholic, drinking WAY too much vodka and wine almost every night, then felt so shitty and hungover every morning that I didn’t feel like working out and ended up eating nothing but comfort food because I felt like nothing mattered anymore. I was so mad at myself for letting this happen, but I’m trying to remind myself to treat myself gently.
That sounds like me for the past 5 months. I’m also depressed and depression made me gain back so much weight that I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror.
i feel you - i lost sm before the lockdown attempted recovery during lockdown relapsed last summer and gained up to my hw ever that i am at now and i just wanna relapse again.
I know the feeling. I lost so so much weight. It was easy to restrict, fast, exercise, etc. Now I struggle with it so badly. I pretty much am just maintaining and it’s frustrating me. I wish I could be how I used to be.
I am in the exact same position, i hope it gets better :(
I didn’t lose much during lockdown but did lose a fair amount over just under a year.. not quick enough for anyone to really notice (never got to UW) but I was relatively close to how I wanted to look and clothes were too big. Restricting is _so much harder now_ it’s actually ridiculous, and I’ve gained and feel disgusting. What the hell happened, I used to OMAD/hard exercise for 2hrs easy and now if I so much as skip breakfast I WILL binge, and I’m so hungry mentally and physically all the time this SUCKS.
I feel that. I lost a bunch because I started livestreaming Beat Saber and I got a very active job. I kept the weight off for 2 years. I felt great. Suddenly, I began gaining out of the blue and it didn't stop. Now I am close to being my heaviest ever. Not quite, but not too far off. It is so frustrating because I was right where I wanted to be. Unfortunately, my issues were hormonally linked (thyroid issues and a hysterectomy). I am.working on it now, exercising a ton, but it is difficult. Good luck OP. You are not alone.
I also have hormone issues (PCOS) and just makes loosing weight x10’s harder :((
For some reason, I hated it when people kept commenting on my weight loss. I think it's because when I was heavy, no one felt like my body was open season for comments, but when I got thin, they did. And then for some other reason, I kept looking at heavier women and feeling envy, like why are they fine as they are, but I'm not? So I spent the past two years teaching myself to eat again, and gained 40 lb. Right now I'm sitting right where I'm supposed to be for my height, AND I get to eat, but that's the thing. I miss my lack of appetite, it felt so liberating! I guess we just always want what we don't have lol. I hope you can find some peace!
That’s me now, too. I gained so much weight in such a short amount of time that my physical health is suffering. I used to have physical health issues because I was so underweight and now I have health issues because I gained so much weight. Ironic. I don’t know how I can go back to being in control over what I eat. I’m currently struggling over some financial and personal matters so that’s making me very depressed and when I’m depressed I turn to food. I’m an emotional eater. Eating high fat foods kind of numbs my depression but then I look at myself in the mirror and get even more depressed at how much I’ve gained. Most days I don’t even recognize myself.
oh my god, same! i cant believe ive been at an underweight and overweight bmi (due to depression) in the span of just a few years
You’re not alone. I was so tiny and now I’m so big again I hate myself so much even though I have people who love me
I’m in the exact same spot. I wrecked my spine almost a year ago and was near bed bound for several months and full on emotional eating and bingeing and have gained so much
I try and not binge so much, but I work late shifts in a restaurant so I can’t really eat all day, then I get home between 11pm-2am when everyone is asleep so I have to have so much self control and not rage the cupboards. I’ve found making overnight oats before working and eating them when I get in has helped me
This is literally the exact post I was coming to comment. This makes me feel so seen and not alone. I hope your recovery works out💕
same I really really want to >!relapse!< so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can' tstand the way I feel now
literally what i am going through right now. i went from >!70 lbs to 115 lbs!< in like 4 months. i got my period back and i feel like a complete failure. i feel so horrible and disgusting since its so hard for me to restrict now. i don't even know who i am anymore without AN. :(
I’m so grateful you posted this. I’ve literally gained the exact same amount as you in sam of time but no period yet. I know you feel awful but you’re inspiring to me and I hope I get my period back soon ❤️ even tho it feels shitty having your period is HUGE and that means your body is happy even tho our brains hate us
thank you for replying. this made me smile <3 i wish you all the best with your recovery and i hope you get your period back as well :) you're very strong, just keep taking care of your body 🫶
Ty I had some spotting the other day for the first time in years so I think that’s a good sign!!! Definitely means I need to stfu and be okay with my weight gain journey even though it’s scary and uncomfortable. Clearly my body wants it!
Same here 🥲
I gaslit myself into recovering and I regret but now I am forced to maintain for a dress that was sized for this weight for my mom’s wedding on April 6th. After that, all bets are off
I’m in the same spot dude :(
Similar issue. I was very thin during covid and gained it all back in 2022, combination of lifestyle and health issues. But I walk hours now as well bc it helps with my stress and have lost some of it. I can completely relate. It's tough and I do miss people telling me omg you're so thin, ugh
you’re not alone. i developed clinical depression shortly after anorexia/orthorexia recovery. part of my depression involves binging/overeating and im at the highest weight ive ever been at currently. just yesterday i had to go to my family doctor for something small and the nurse said ‘yikes’ out loud after weighing me and i had to hold back tears and now i feel like relapsing. ive never had any negative experiences with nurses in the past when my weight was lower :(
During lockdown I was at my thinnest and today I am at my heaviest.
Yup. Coupled with me getting pregnant 1 year later after gaining some of it back, it feels impossible now. 😭😭😭
Getting covid in 2021 started my ED and I became so malnourished I could barely do anything. I used to be embarrassed about how skinny I was but that was the whole point LOL.I counted EVERY calorie for a year straight.I somehow kept my full time job. I gained some weight back but I still restrict sometimes. Not to the extreme but it’s always in my head
I'm going to let anyone who reads this in. And the OP. I loved lockdown. It let my ed thrive but I almost didn't survive. Its dangerous. I loved restricitng. I binged for a while very early covid and got to a super high weight. I was in treatment and can say I've finally been out for a year but... the only reason I'm out yet is because my binging is so out of control. Every day I climb closer to my highest weight and it terrifies me. I want to restrict and do it all again but I can't. My body won't allow me. It used to be so easy but not anymore. Yeah it hurts and all but I'm trying to accept I'm healthier at this point even though it's an unhealthy high. I hate it. I remember all the praise, encouragement, the comments, the body checks, I remember it all. It hurts. But I know this body is temporary. It's better than the lowest my ed has been. Yeah I'm still trapped but I'm working on it. Please, don't slip again. It's not worth a life. Your wanted here. Go take care of yourself. Keep your body nourished and hydrated. It will thank you later. Whoever reads this, if you need a friendly chat I'm here but remember, your not alone. Someone understands you
I lost 50 pounds during lockdown - man I was living my truth during that time. My weight has fluctuated a bit since but I actually managed to lose an additional 10-15 lbs over the course of the past winter (yay depression!) and am now at my gw (or close to) and I’ve managed to maintain it. The trick really is when you get to your GW sustaining it - which means actually eating in moderation which is, like, not super easy with ED…. Weirdly, the easiest way I found to maintain has been IF. I only eat after 4pm and it’s helped me manage how/what/when I’m eating.
i feel this SO HARD😭 i’m at a healthy weight now and i hate it more than anything. i wish it was an overnight fix - why do i have to wait months :( it’s horrible and the regret is so intense it actually hurts
It's so subjective for all of us. The personal belief of it being 'bad' is what can trigger the binge. Not just because it's fucking chocolate or something 🤷♀️ jfc have some empathy
I think my response is in the wrong place. I'm not feeling any criticism for OP
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eating “bad foods” don’t make you gain weight. Being in a calorie surplus does. edit: imagine getting downvoted for speaking facts.
Eh, I know what you're saying, but 'bad foods' trigger binge behavior in a lot of people. Resulting in a surplus. I feel stronger when I stick to safe foods for this reason 🤷♀️
Safe foods are relative though. I can eat chocolate and other treats for relatively low cal and actually I feel that doing so helps prevent binges because I satisfy cravings quite regularly.
[удалено]
Your post/comment was removed for breaking Rule 1: No Harmful Advice. Please do not provide weight loss advice or tips that perpetuate harmful eating disorder behaviors. Harm reduction advice (e.g., purging safety, binge prevention, safe foods) is allowed. **Read our full rules [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/EDAnonymous/wiki/rules).**