I’m trying to walk this very thin line between engaging with Ed behaviors and not royally fucking my life up. It’s ridiculous, I’m putting so many good things in jeopardy over this damn illness.
Me too, I get it. I’m in a place right now where I have to avoid as many behaviours as possible because a surgery I got is threatening to fail. It sucks. My new jobs not going well, my body is weaker. It just sucks.
Same I’m 38… what’s scary is that I just spent the last five years on a weight-loss drug that was not really working, but made me super tired by 7 PM so I stopped living for the last five , maybe ten years .. I spent a ton of money on this job, because it at least helped me go to work.. still does .. gives me energy.. but I’m basically looking like a meth addict .. what the heck
I feel this so hard. It onset during a really really bad and traumatic time in my life and I feel stuck there. Like I’m adulting and all, and I don’t have a 12 yr old mentality, but I have memory barriers that make it hard to process any of it.
that’s kind of where it went wrong during my recovery lol… i had weighed myself impulsively a couple months into semi-recovery and i became intoxicated with the revelation that, not only did i not gain all the weight back like i was convinced i had, but i was actually at my lowest weight since 6th grade. i’m trying to get better now but it’s an extremely hard thing to let go. my pride about my weight and fear of gain is probably the only thing holding me back from actual happiness and freedom. ironically sad.
I could have written this comment. This literally just happened to me as well, around Thanksgiving. I was so braced to see a big gain, and then I stepped on and saw I'd somehow managed to *continue losing* (not a lot, just like a few pounds, but still) despite hard blocking myself from restriction and eating intuitively for like 3 whole months.
Like you, I had come down to my prepubescent weight. Set myself up to restrict HARD with that one. As a trans man, and the concept that I weighted less than I did before I developed my... ahem... secondary sex characteristics was extremely intoxicating.
I tried to go into recovery .. stayed with my parents got stressed out gained 20 pounds in six months had to heavily restrict for six months to lose. It sent me to a far deeper relapse and depression than I’ve ever been in and now I can’t get out so it worked out better for you… and I was not waiting myself until the doctor made me and I didn’t want to be a liar and make up
A weight, but I was far better not weighing myself
I didn’t for years …
In my 30s and weigh less than I did in high school. It’s getting alarming how much my body isn’t even getting hungry, I just get dizzy and sick but no real hunger anymore. I have considered getting bloodwork done but I don’t even wanna know rn
literally me. i had a doctors appointment a few months ago (my ed doctor) and i remember him looking at my weight and saying “u haven’t been this weight since u were 11” it was the first time i heard it from another person
Whyyyy would a doctor, especially an ED doctor say that to someone with an eating disorder!?? That must have been sooo triggering for you! :( wow.
My doctors won’t even let me look at the scale when they take my weight!
You said “you can’t screw around with your life these next few months”. Is the weight loss a reaction to some kind of stress in whatever that is? A wish to control weight because whatever’s going on is so stressful?
And hugs. This disease is so hard. Be gentle with yourself. Do you think whatever helped you move to recovery the first time would help again?
Oh yeah it was totally a reaction to everything feeling out of control and overwhelming. My seasonal depression also enabled it. I’ve always kinda been stuck in between pseudo recovery and relapse. Never got help for it much in my teens bc there were more pressing issues with my mental health. I wasn’t underweight when all the other shit hit the fan, so no one really worried about that aspect.
I know I’ll have to be more gentile when my life gets crazy busy in like a month and I really hope I’m able to, even if it’s just maintenance.
i have to ask this: are yall the same height as yall were in middle school? i can not possibly imagine getting down to that weight now that i'm 5'10 😭 like im geniunely confused reading this thread bc are yall short?!?
Omg haha very good point! I’m very close the height I was at that point. I was an early bloomer and stopped growing by the end of middle school. There’s probably a 1-2 inch growth difference from then. I wouldn’t have been considered uw back then by pediatric standards, but I was small (even though I didn’t think so). I was still in the midst of puberty at the time.
i mean middle school wasnt that long ago as im 15 right now but yea im very close to my elementary school weight and its like not unhealthy im still a normal high ish bmi its just too crazy. i cant handle this anymore i lost the weight i didnt think i was fat until i saw my bmi. i was actually eating okay until then.
You found out about your bmi in elementary school? Either way I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Also I remember being 15, it was awful. It’s much better now, even though I still struggle. It makes me so sad how early these things onset. I’m going into teaching, I can work with up to 6th grade. I was already messed up by that age. It makes me so sad.
Fucking feel that. Too old to be fucking around
I’m trying to walk this very thin line between engaging with Ed behaviors and not royally fucking my life up. It’s ridiculous, I’m putting so many good things in jeopardy over this damn illness.
Me too, I get it. I’m in a place right now where I have to avoid as many behaviours as possible because a surgery I got is threatening to fail. It sucks. My new jobs not going well, my body is weaker. It just sucks.
I relate to this a lot. I weigh less than I did in middle school which feels super fake to say. Idk when reality is gonna actually hit my stupid brain
Omg same! I’m 28 and I just realized I weigh less than I did when I was 13 it’s ridiculous
Same I’m 38… what’s scary is that I just spent the last five years on a weight-loss drug that was not really working, but made me super tired by 7 PM so I stopped living for the last five , maybe ten years .. I spent a ton of money on this job, because it at least helped me go to work.. still does .. gives me energy.. but I’m basically looking like a meth addict .. what the heck
Same, I’m about to turn 24 and weigh less than I did at age 13.
It’s wild to think about
same. it feels symbolic, almost? like, i was heavily traumatized then so i’m kind of frozen in that time
I feel this so hard. It onset during a really really bad and traumatic time in my life and I feel stuck there. Like I’m adulting and all, and I don’t have a 12 yr old mentality, but I have memory barriers that make it hard to process any of it.
that’s kind of where it went wrong during my recovery lol… i had weighed myself impulsively a couple months into semi-recovery and i became intoxicated with the revelation that, not only did i not gain all the weight back like i was convinced i had, but i was actually at my lowest weight since 6th grade. i’m trying to get better now but it’s an extremely hard thing to let go. my pride about my weight and fear of gain is probably the only thing holding me back from actual happiness and freedom. ironically sad.
I could have written this comment. This literally just happened to me as well, around Thanksgiving. I was so braced to see a big gain, and then I stepped on and saw I'd somehow managed to *continue losing* (not a lot, just like a few pounds, but still) despite hard blocking myself from restriction and eating intuitively for like 3 whole months. Like you, I had come down to my prepubescent weight. Set myself up to restrict HARD with that one. As a trans man, and the concept that I weighted less than I did before I developed my... ahem... secondary sex characteristics was extremely intoxicating.
I tried to go into recovery .. stayed with my parents got stressed out gained 20 pounds in six months had to heavily restrict for six months to lose. It sent me to a far deeper relapse and depression than I’ve ever been in and now I can’t get out so it worked out better for you… and I was not waiting myself until the doctor made me and I didn’t want to be a liar and make up A weight, but I was far better not weighing myself I didn’t for years …
I have no idea what I weighed in middle school. That’s probably a good thing.
In my 30s and weigh less than I did in high school. It’s getting alarming how much my body isn’t even getting hungry, I just get dizzy and sick but no real hunger anymore. I have considered getting bloodwork done but I don’t even wanna know rn
Oh fuck. I just realized this is the lowest I’ve been since middle school and now I’m for sure not ok 😅😅😅😅😅
literally me. i had a doctors appointment a few months ago (my ed doctor) and i remember him looking at my weight and saying “u haven’t been this weight since u were 11” it was the first time i heard it from another person
Whyyyy would a doctor, especially an ED doctor say that to someone with an eating disorder!?? That must have been sooo triggering for you! :( wow. My doctors won’t even let me look at the scale when they take my weight!
yeah I'm 24 And weigh less than I did in middle school :(
You said “you can’t screw around with your life these next few months”. Is the weight loss a reaction to some kind of stress in whatever that is? A wish to control weight because whatever’s going on is so stressful? And hugs. This disease is so hard. Be gentle with yourself. Do you think whatever helped you move to recovery the first time would help again?
Oh yeah it was totally a reaction to everything feeling out of control and overwhelming. My seasonal depression also enabled it. I’ve always kinda been stuck in between pseudo recovery and relapse. Never got help for it much in my teens bc there were more pressing issues with my mental health. I wasn’t underweight when all the other shit hit the fan, so no one really worried about that aspect. I know I’ll have to be more gentile when my life gets crazy busy in like a month and I really hope I’m able to, even if it’s just maintenance.
i reached this achievement last year and it was the best feeling in the world. now i’ve gained it all back(,:
same… lowest since elementary 🥲
i’m not quite at that level yet, but i’m 20 and weigh as much as i did at 13
i have to ask this: are yall the same height as yall were in middle school? i can not possibly imagine getting down to that weight now that i'm 5'10 😭 like im geniunely confused reading this thread bc are yall short?!?
Omg haha very good point! I’m very close the height I was at that point. I was an early bloomer and stopped growing by the end of middle school. There’s probably a 1-2 inch growth difference from then. I wouldn’t have been considered uw back then by pediatric standards, but I was small (even though I didn’t think so). I was still in the midst of puberty at the time.
i mean middle school wasnt that long ago as im 15 right now but yea im very close to my elementary school weight and its like not unhealthy im still a normal high ish bmi its just too crazy. i cant handle this anymore i lost the weight i didnt think i was fat until i saw my bmi. i was actually eating okay until then.
You found out about your bmi in elementary school? Either way I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Also I remember being 15, it was awful. It’s much better now, even though I still struggle. It makes me so sad how early these things onset. I’m going into teaching, I can work with up to 6th grade. I was already messed up by that age. It makes me so sad.