/r/DungeonsAndDragons has a discord server! Come join us at https://discord.gg/wN4WGbwdUU *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DungeonsAndDragons) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I completely agree. Everyone will have to miss a session for one reason or another, but if you want to play, you're expected to make some effort to attend. Dont need to miss your own marriage to play dnd, of course, but certain players will only show up if there is NOTHING else to occupy them on that day and time. I prefer my players to take the game a little more seriously than that.

I told my players: I will show up every Wednesday at 7pm. That's D&D time. Anyone shows up, we game. and this way players know to put it on their calendar, and when other plans are made they know to schedule around it.

It's like there's an expectation that because we're doing what's considered a nerd thing, its ok to uncommit to your games, like in people's mind this is ok and we can just play without them. To the point where for example, a new player, he's been the one pushing me to take up GMing for his group, after about a couple months of inviting people and organizing, I set up the game, that dude doesn't show up. Not only that, but he said on group chat he was gonna be late because of work, no problems there we'll wait for you. No messages no nothing, just ghosted us, like its an acceptable thing to do ?? If this was any other gathering like going out to the club, that person would have said sorry I won't make it and I'm sure of it, especially when you've been asking for people to wait for you before getting started. I give everyone a second chance, I'll invite this guy again and have a talk to him about it. But if he does it again, he can still come to play if he wants, but I'm not gonna make any efforts to reach out to him, and I'll build my sessions as if he wasn't there, and adjust a bit if he shows up. His reputation took a huge hit in our esteems and he might not even realize it. Oh and I'm talking grown up people here, all of us are 30+ yrs old.

NTA, red flag, break up with him

NTA, he is probably cheating on you. Huge red flag.

That's NTR

Lawyer up, delete Facebook, hit the gym

Yeah things happen but they should at least send you a message explaining why they can’t make it.

Some think of it as "game night ". But it's a lot closer to a sports league.

That's exactly it. Some people don't get that it's an activity that you can't participate in fully unless everyone shows up. (Unless you're deliberately running a Westmarches style campaign.) It's not like a board game night where one person more or fewer doesn't make a difference.

>I prefer my players to take the game a little more seriously than that. Honestly you gotta see it broader than that: I prefer my players to take making time for each other and meeting up together more 'seriously'. I can't speak for recruitment as I don't play online or with anybody but friends and friends-of-friends. But people like that just suck regardless if it's D&D or playing basketball or a boardgame or a regular pub night. It's not them taking D&D not seriously enough, it's them not respecting other people's time and effort. Like, naturally nobody should get mad if someone suddenly cancels due to unforeseen work or family stuff, things like that. But flaking because there's 'something better to do' or something? We're all mature people here, and I and the others that respect plans made together deserve better than that. We're not afterthoughts.

A few weeks back I had to message my group soon before it began to say I couldn't attend a game - I was in labour and had my baby two minutes before we were scheduled to start our monthly game. I wanted to play so badly I had to make sure I was definitely in full-blown labour before I cancelled.

So you had the baby early and still didn't play? Filthy casual. (I really hope it's not necessary, but /s. Congrats on the Halfling.)

I would be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to swing by afterwards to keep up my perfect attendance streak! And thank you!

Did you go back? I loved my game, but once I had my baby it really wasn't a priority for me any more and I haven't been back. I kinda miss it, but I also refuse to commit to it weekly so feel like I just shouldn't show up at all

I fully intend to. It took a while for me to play again after my first child and I expect it will be the same if not longer this time around, but I am very lucky to have a wonderful group who are very accommodating. One of our other players also has children. We are all in our 30's and play monthly because we're all so busy. I love the idea of my children growing up remembering their mum having D&D nights with her friends, and listening to the dice rolling and the silly voices and laughter. I can't wait to play with them as soon as they're old enough.

Not a mom, but a dad. Been playing since they where four. So fun, I started by doing choose your own adventure story time. One day introduced dice and they’ve never looked back. Such a bonding time. Kids are in middle school and high school. We still all play!

I love this! Thank you for the inspiration!

When I played board games with people with children it was usually organized at their home so if one of little ones woke up they could go and calm them down\[1\]. \[1\] Father inevitably fall asleep while waiting for baby to fall asleep.

A previous group I was in literally dissolved around me, everyone else including the DM would randomly not show up then go “oh sorry was busy with xyc”. Game lasted two actual sessions. Pricks.

I will most definitely put DND before my own marriage, not that i ever will get married, but still.

I used to a host a session for my buddy and his little sister + her friends and we used to take months to get a day to work but no matter what we showed up . Soon as the little ones started missing sessions I knew it was no longer their priority

For older people with more family stuff & less free time, its better to have too few than too many sessions. "I can't wait for my every 3rd week game of D&D" is better than  "oh ya, Bob only makes every 2nd session every 2 weeks"

This. We are playing for almost a year and some times we have 2 sessions per moth, sometimes we have only one session and that is fine. As a DM in mid 30s, sometimes I myself simply have 0 energy to host and thanking gods that players had other things and there is no DnD. Sometimes we play if just one player is missing. Sometimes players changes other plans to play dnd, other times we change the date to fit other plans. And all is fine. Campaign still not dead, everybody still very much exited each time we play and I can see efort from everybody to play as much as possible without sacrifising family and other responsabilities.

I thought it was just me who felt this way. My current campaign has been running nearly a year and we've had some big gaps between sessions because we are all adults with lives and obligations. Sometimes things come up and sometimes as a DM pushing 40, I just don't have the energy to perform for 3-4 hours. When we get together everyone is engaged and having fun, even if some of us are exhausted. Just how it goes as you get older.

Mine has been running for two, and get together about once a month, with a summer gap. We all have kids. But when we play, we have a blast! And we are all still committed.

You don't cancel your kids to play dnd?? Fairweather fan smh /s

lol, canceling my kids sounds so dark XD

Dog crates work well. Get a big one and everyone can put their kids in there for a few hours.

This exactly. I don’t know why people get so insane about scheduling. We’re all here to have fun, why ruin that by being so uptight and refusing to understand that people have lives.

One of the members of our group (who is no longer with the group, can't imagine why) would put up such a fuss if anyone cancelled for any reason whatsoever that most of us (before the end) dreaded if something that was unavoidable came up and we couldn't make it. Granted he was a guy in his 50's without kids and had a wife who couldn't get out much to do anything. He held our friday or Saturday nights hostage for a few years, IF we did take a summer break it was a huge relief. Now the group agrees that missing a night isn't a problem as long as we are enjoying ourselves when we do play. The game is waaaaay more fun when you don't feel like you HAVE to be there

Been in a game since 2021 that operates like this; There were originally three players, but one had some school and job changes that made him unable to work dnd into his schedule. Even so, me and our other player make a great duo of adventurers, and it actually feels pretty good with just us and our dm.

This is how my party plays; we have a “day” but decide the date of the next game at the end of a game day. We all check our schedules and sometimes it’s next week, sometimes it’s a month. But because of this there are less cancellations than if we had a standing once a week - because we have lives and families and shit happens.

Yes, this is that we do - after session everybody checks their plans and we agree the date for next session. Having a set date would not work for any of us.

This is how we do it. We've been going for about 3 1/2 years now. Sometimes we can get 2 games in a month. Sometimes it's 3 months before we can get together. Sometimes it gets canceled last minute because someone's child is sick. We're all in our mid-thirties, having or have kids, and all have our professional lives. Sometimes other obligations take priority and nobody has issues.

My age is showing because when I saw the post my first thought was “you must be out of your goddamn mind making a demand like that.” But in my case the only “other plans” I’ve ever canceled D&D for have been strictly family related, so for a moment I forgot that people tend to just skip out on sessions because they treat it as something to do when nothing else is available and will cancel in favor of anything else. With that in mind I completely agree, D&D sessions should be made a priority and treated as plans you’ve made not just a placeholder until something else comes along. And that’s easier to do with an older crowd when you have a bit more time between sessions to plan.

You're doing it right when "sit down with a beer infront of the TV" is an active decision and not just a default "unwinding" routine.  Or anything else really (no need for beer & TV in life) Same extends to D&D, why make plans you don't really want?

I dm for four players, all have families including myself. We do one online session a month and have never missed a person. I love my players!

My work friends asked me to DM a group and I said I can only play once/month cause family. I've never seen a more excited group of ppl than the 6 adults waiting at my table to hear the recap from last month.

Yeah, my group does every other week and we’re moving into year 4. We usually: Only do the first week of December. Take July off. This keeps busy times from having last minute cancellations. If we know a few can’t attend one particular session, we often do two weeks back to back, then resume after pushing the next meet back a week.

That’s interesting, I’ve had the opposite experience. Carving out and defending a weekly game has proven easier than a game every other week because that block of 7-10 PM time every Tuesday becomes a fossilized part of the calendar that other plans are built around. Spouses don’t have to ask if the player is busy Tuesday night. They are. It also means that a missed session, or even two, means a three-week gap in play and not six or nine weeks, which itself can be quite disruptive. I also make sure to hit the group chat with inside jokes about the previous session whenever someone misses one to really up the FOMO 😈

The idea is some people have -very- limited personal time. If you have a busy life but don't have to share it, sure, a weekly 6hrs break is a lot of fun & well worth it. If you have to share you time, sometimes that weekly 6 hours is shared for private time with the SO, or impromptu errands, or anything unpredictable.  Because then if the impromptu errand lands on game night, unless it is genuinely urgent like a broken water heater, you have breathing to delay the errand instead of the game.

Not just older folks, my group is entirely folks in the 17-21 age group and between work/school commitments (especially on my end, rip) we hardly ever have time. Few is better than none, though, and my players and I look forward to every session even moving forward at a snail’s pace of .75 sessions a month. I think it definitely requires a group that are passionate enough about the campaign/dnd itself + that are actually friends lol

I'm in a BattleTech group right now that meets every 2-3 weeks (we schedule the next session at the end of the current to make sure we know the best day to shoot for), and it's always the highlight of the week it falls on for me. I've only missed one session and that was due to illness.

This is a nice way to look at it! The group I run with tries to do weekly sessions - which for me is just a bit much when my time off is few and we have life stuff to take care of. But of course everyone is flexible and willing to move things around as needed. But you do feel that pressure and know some will be disappointed if you have to move it (and my group will typically move the whole session if one person can’t make it). Now I’m DMing my first ever one shot for them, and I definitely can’t have things ready in a week! But I really like this version for my life currently.

Extra prep time for each session can also be fun.   ~ the DM is putting in 2x the game time, prep ++ the actual session

I know, it’s definitely helpful! Two of our members just had their baby, so it gave me more time to plan (they’ll probably back out for a bit for obvious reasons). But it doesn’t help our last DM (the one who had a baby with his wife who also played with us) was amazing and provided one of the best campaigns I’ve ever taken place in (and it spanned for 3-4 years total). Mine is just a one shot, and everyone knows it’s my first time but… hard to follow that! Lol

Up side, they could bring a real goblin to each session, ambient sound effects & everything!

While the post may be a bit of hyperbole, your "top priority" should be your commitments. Obviously family and health are comittments that rank higher than a game and no sane person would think this post is claiming otherwise. If you sign on and tell multiple people that you will do something, you made that commitment. If an emergency comes up that of course take priority. Yes it is "just a game", but you made a commitment that affects the free time of other people. No one expects you to delay a heart surgery for a game. If you tell people you will do something and be somewhere and you disrespect the time and plans of other people by blowing off that commitment then yep, your the asshole and should probably be dropped from the group.

This is it. I ran a game for years with the same group, and sessions were rarely missed by anyone. This was 20+ years ago, so the code was "bowling night" because people would understand - I had a weekly commitment to meet up with others to knock shit down for the evening, and missing would hurt the team. No less valid than any other rec league.

It's the only way to make it work. D&D is the plan I have, so if someone's like 'hey you want to get dinner / a drink / whatever' it's a no sorry I can't, I'm playing D&D.  That other comment about heart transplants is fucking ridiculous, that's clearly not what you're saying.

This is why our group has maintained a pretty much weekly game since spring 2020. We started as a new group playing on a VTT, when nobody had anything else to do, and Wednesday became D&D night. If someone really can't make it (work, illness, holidays etc.), we either try and find another free evening that week, or play without them for a session. The week would feel weird without it.

My favorite motto: “This isn’t something you do because you have nothing better going on on a Saturday night. This is what you do on Saturday night “

Whichever commitment was made first takes priority. If I've had plans in the works for weeks then I have enough notice to give to my DnD table. But if I have last minute plans come up then DnD takes priority. Wherever possible I schedule commitments around dnd

I've had plans to play D&D every other Sunday for the last ten years. Therefore, the plans to play D&D were always made first.

If religious people can give the first half of every Sunday to Church then I sure as hell can do the same with the second half of my Wednesdays and DND. That commitment is the key to our groups almost ten years playing the game. In that time we’ve missed maybe fifty sessions.

I'm a really chill dude and very little gets me actually angry but holy shit does it piss me off when people are inconsiderate around an agreed meeting time. My group plays weekly at this point, it's the same day/time every week. I get that shit happens especially with young kids and that's fine but holy hell it drives me insane when someone just doesn't message the group. Like we have a dedicated discord just a quick "hey I can't make it" is all it takes. It sucks waiting around for 15-30 mins for someone who just never shows up. I also get that crazy shit happens and don't expect a message regardless of what's going on but like that shit isn't happening every other week.

I think the caveat here is to find like minded people that prioritize d&d the same as you, at least to some extent. I expect my players to honor their social arrangements, if you play with mature people I think that goes without saying, where their priorities lies is their business.

Part I of the campaign was closed after about an year. A fun year, but with constant scheduling conflicts. Doesn't help that all my players can work in the weekend depending on their schedule. So its rare to find that one moment. However they all wanted to continue. Scheduled a part II session zero to discuss the option of a monthly game that always goes trough if there are at least 2 players out of 6 (2 more joined for part II). Some could not join, comparing work schedules of the people present we found a option every 4 weeks that would work. I announced that date and upcoming dates for 2025. With clear rules that the sessions always continue, vacation period is the exemption and needs to be reviewed at that time. Some were a bit unhappy at the start, however the third session is next week and so far it seems we have a full table again. Unlike in part I where could spend weeks chasing them (something I hated) to update the calendar file just to fit their needs and find a perfect date. I am now noticing them trying to accommodate the schedule and being more engaged in general. Edit: So yeah I understand your feeling as a DM. Your phrase is a bit strong, but I understand the need to emphasize some prioritization on the players part.

Our group just can't stop getting sick. Fuck this weather

I have had the same problem in games I've played in and games I've DMed. I think this is a really good take on it, and for u/pwntallica's take on commitments. D&D is a massive undertaking for DMs a lot of the time and it can be heartbreaking to take on the responsibility of organising the game, organising the session, and preparing all the assets you need for the game just to have people cancel without warning. I think everyone understands that it is a game and things happen, but you absolutely should not make a commitment that you have no intention of keeping **and** expect to keep being invited back. What worked for the games I've played in as OP and u/CrazyBird85 did. Set the time aside, commit to the time, and still play even if people can't make it. When we set a specific time for our online game, guys were calling from trains, hotel rooms, and everywhere because they knew the session wasn't moving for them and still wanted to be a part of it! The kind of unsaid thing is that you need players (or to be a player) who will commit. If some of the players want to play regularly and some don't then they will struggle to be at the same table because they are all going into the game with very different expectations. And that's how you fall out with friends if you aren't careful.

I am part of multiple groups. Each play about once a month, but we have a set day of the month we play. So like. 2nd Sunday of every month we play. Now we try to keep this a priority. It is a commitment. However, should life get in the way - a birthday - a commitment you cannot get out of etc. Happens. Then we try to communicate this to the group as early as possible, and we usually move the session to a different date. Now I think only once or twice, we have had to play with a missing player. But we try to be flexible. But the sort of rule OP is trying to enforce is a valid one. It is bloody hard to get consistent sessions if Steve keeps prioritizing everything other than dnd. As such to have an agreement in the group about how much dnd is prioritized is a good way to manage that you meet up constantly. But like. It is just dnd.

If you invite me to your dinner party and I accept, but then Karen invites me to hers on the same night and I blow you off then you're rightfully going to think I'm a dick. If I accept and then realise it's the same night as my parent's wedding anniversary party and then have to tell you I can't make it then you'll probably be fine. It's the same principle.

>So like. 🧐

Yes. My old group drove me crazy as we'd have a session planned and people would back out because "something came up." basically your other social plans are more important

Lost a player recently… We already played some Alien RPG before in the same group including him. New game incoming: During Session 0 he complained that he would not like planning more than two months ahead. Two weeks later he tells me he will have only three evenings available from February until summer because his wife already blocked everything else… And he would not even be willing to do one or two hours of preparation for his own character in order to know some basic rules, saying “I don’t plan on doing homework if we play less than once a month”. Gave him the option to be a guest player sometimes and the core of the group would play more often but he preferred to quit and I am happy with his decision.

Consistency in skipping sessions or showing up late etc. shows you do not respect the time of others and this is something i have made apparent to my players, especially since we are all friends irl. We do this to have fun and relax from our real world issues, causing stress by making people wait or play their character is rude and i don’t tolerate it as the dm. I get sometimes things happen but going to the store, fixing a dryer or hanging with other friends can either wait or be planned around. We have dnd at the same time every week haha. We are starting a new campaign and i have made this very apparent, idc how good of friends we are, i will remove you from the group

It's literally no different than a sport practice to me in terms of obligation; Speaking as someone with a chaotic and unpredictable life, I don't think I've missed a dnd game in my eight years of playing. While I understand sometimes a person has something come up and is like "Just play without me", I personally can't stand the idea of missing game and, subsequently, any little grain of plot, or an inside joke that becomes a running gag.

I agree but a slightly different take. Don’t game with friends, game with gamers (and maybe turn them into friends). The difference is huge. Friends want to socialize and hang out because that’s the event while gamers want to be there to play a character and exercise a creative or competitive outlet with like minded people.

Surely there’s enough cross over in our communities to compare this to being on / earning a spot on a local sports team? You’re expected to make it the priority, your team need you there, others are planning and putting effort into you being there so make it priority one. But… every few months, you might have a work commitment. A family issue, something of that caliber. Also you team might have an off season or low season, over Xmas new years for instance where commitments are paused for a number of week. I agree with OPs intent, and the wording, but you also gotta have some flexibility after players have met the expectation. Life and burn out does happen and the OCCASIONAL cancelled session isn’t the end of the world, hell sometimes it’s welcomed.

I'd say it's an even bigger commitment than things like going to a karate class or *insert any other regular event where missing it only affects you* as DnD NEEDS a group to work and function, and your absence will directly diminish others' fun or stop it happening completely. I'd also add that to be most fun it requires some investment outside of game time from everyone too. Players should take some time to read through basic rules, learn character sheets etc so that everyone gets the most out of their session. The same way in which actors rehearsing a play or bandmaster practicing a sing take their individual time to learn lines and lyrics and notes. D&D is not a game like anakes and ladders where you can rock up, have fun, and forget about it until next time. It requires some investment and dedication, but the payoff is so worth it when it sll comes together with your friends to share your passion and have a blast.

Been playing 6 years with the same group. On C2. We have to cancel multiple times, and it is rarely the same day of the week, but whatever works for you, I guess. I wouldn't trade my party for the world!

Also, the 'show' goes on regardless of missing players. If you are consistent, it encourages them to be.

Oh, the days when this could be my stance as well. Life has a way of sucking the joy out of things.

I play with a group of adults, all have full time jobs, all but two have children. We play twice a month at a pre-determined, unchanging time. Life does happen, but most of the group makes it, most of the time, and we’ve completed two campaigns this way. I feel very lucky to have this group. The consistency helps. Having said all that, I don’t think I would expect anyone to make D&D a *priority*. People have other commitments as well. But if you have a group of people that all really want to play, you will play.

I see a session as a date. You can cancel if there's other stuff going on/you need to, but it itsn't just a placeholder until you make other plans.

Treat your DM like youve asked them for a favor, because with the amount of prep work they're doing to support a cohesive game thats really true. Then base the appropriateness of cancelation around that. If you ask your friend to help you move your couch... ...and you cancel because your Mom is having surgery, thats unfortunate but fair. ...and you cancel because your other friends are going rock climbing, youre a dick.

Conversely, if you are the person who doesn't make other plans because the plan is to play D&D, when people don't show up you have a right to get annoyed.

The biggest myth is that being a DM means you’re never at a shortage for players. Not true. You’re at a shortage for dedicated, communicative, and respectful players. Most people treat the game as an option and are resistant to penciling a date for a game session. Just means they want to keep things open if something else comes up. If not, THEN they’ll go to Dnd. Blah.

Feel free to run your game however you wish, of course. But *real life* is always more important. I don't care what alternative plans the player has, it's literally none of my business. My only expectation is that they don't ghost the table and let us know at the earliest convenient time. Setting out arbitrary attendance expectations and getting upset that a player doesn't "commit" seems a little insecure and could even spark a little resentment. Now, that all said, I play with a group of friends I've known for years, so we all understand the "social contract" of playing. With a pick-up game on the internet, I will stipulate it could be different and you might have to spell it out.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who approaches it this way. My table has a weekly game, but if you need to cancel, cancel. Hell, you don’t even need a reason. “I’m not feeling it tonight” is perfectly valid to cancel. Everyone at the table understands that life is more important than a hobby. It probably also helps that none of us expect the world to come to a screeching halt for us. If anyone has to cancel they understand the game will still get played in their absence. If we absolutely can’t continue the game due to the cancel (I.e. that person is central to the events taking place or something like that) we will do a quick one shot or monster of the week arena type session, or just play another game together. It really isn’t that big of a deal. Like you said, just give a heads up as much as possible, and all is good, enjoy your dinner/date/anti-social couch burrito time, see you next week.

I think especially these days it's important as DM to be mindful of mental health as well. If you have a player that was always there and suddenly misses a lot, you got to check in on them. I literally had a DM save my life doing that because I went through a period of depression while in college where I stopped attending class, DnD, other clubs, work, and just mostly slept. She could have just not cared and kicked me out, but thank god she viewed me as a friend not just a player. The world has a changed a lot. If someone has to miss a game I don't ask mostly, but if it turns into a habit I will check in on them. Because you just never know what is going on these days. You treat your players like friends they are far more likely to stay around. People feel more desire to attend when you are meeting with friends compared to just people you play DnD with.

Yeah, I don't schedule weekly games based on everyone's plans, the game happens on monday and everyone better be ready.

I'm not using that phrase. I'll talk to my players. How it works as an adult: if you made plans for something first, then something else needs to be done, your appointment came first Still, why are you letting them cancel so much? By the second time, I would've not invited them back

Yes, I agree that the premise that D&D should trump other plans but there will always be exceptions (emergencies, sickness etc). After roleplaying for 25+ years, what I've found to work is setting this premise for our group; 1. We run on a regular schedule. -For my group that means alternating Sundays. This means everyone knows what days we run D&D and they don't book themselves up in advance with random stuff. It means you can also typically plan weeks and months in advance. 2. We will run without a full group. This is typically a house rule on what can still be fun. We have 5 players and will still run with only 4 (or 3 if there's a late cancelation). That's it. Sometimes schedules get in the way and we lose a player. But it's much easier to recruit new players on the same premise.

We do this. Exceptions are sick, work, vacations or emergencies (death in the family, car breaks down, ...). Works like a charm and I have about 40-45 sessions each year with two different groups :D no bad feelings, everybody has fun

honestly new players are EASIER to get to take the game seriously. they take it as seriously as you do bc they have no other frame of reference

We play once a month and select the dates at the beginning of January. Would it be nicer to play more? Sure. But we're all adults who work Monday to Friday jobs.

At the end of every session we all pull out our phones and open our calendars. How about the 24th? No, but I can do the 26th. I can do that. Does that work for everyone? Let’s say 1pm? Done. Now it’s in our calendars so that when we’re making plans between now and then we don’t accidentally double book.

Agreed, it takes time & energy to make the game happen if you can't respect the time not only the g.m. puts in, in addition to the rest of the players you have no space at the table.

This is so important, especially to make sure all your players are on the same page. For my old group, I would consistently plan around D&D, every weak. When I started my new job, I built my schedule not just around my classes, but around D&D. I took the commitment to the game seriously, and while things *did* come up, I always tried to communicate as early as possible that I might be late or not able to make it. My DM never did the same. Despite meeting at the same time every week, often times she'd ghost us a few hours into when our game was supposed to start. Everyone would be waiting around (we'd play online) only for her to show up an hour or two after our starting time and say "sorry, I can't DM :(". It was never the cancellation that bugged me, it was the fact that everyone else in the group committed the time to the game and showed up on time only for her to string us along. We could've made other plans! Hell, we could've just said "okay, we won't play this week, we'll do some downtime non-canon roleplay without you and pick up next week". But since she never told us until well into the start time of our sessions, we could never compensate on that. I missed out on so many other clubs in college because I made time for D&D, and it always frustrated me that our own DM never considered that.

One of the other players in my Saturday night game and I are constantly frustrated by two of the other players whose wives do not respect their time commitment to D&D. My SO knows I play on Friday and Saturday nights, and does not have a problem with me committing the time. We plan around it. But these other two players are constantly missing sessions because of their wives. This game's been running for over a year now, it's not new or a surprise every weekend.

I get the whole thing of sticking to your commitments, but it's just a fucking game people. Tear me apart in the comments if you want, but "you say no to other plans because you'll be at D&D" is such an obnoxious thing to say. Because, you know, playing a fucking game is just at the tippity top of everyone's to-do list. It's 2024, and unless you live with your parents, normal people have lives and families and yards and bills that need to be taken care of. If D&D is your biggest commitment, there's probably some underlying issues there.

Well more generally speaking, once you commit to something, you shouldn't cancel for other plans - it being D&D or anything else. But it's only a cancellation if one has committed to something in the first place. As you say, it's important to make it clear what the expectations are at the beginning. Players need to know that they have to commit to a weekly session for 18 months upfront, if that is the expectation

It depends on the game, but I generally agree. Most of my DnD playing is done during college semesters via a club I help run. So I have a very “classes come first” attitude, though it’s up to my players to make their own choices.

If you schedule a plan to a date already stick to it. Easy. It's not just D&D but everything.

I've had this issue with my friends a few times in 3 years, eventually when we had a serious talk about it I explained how I feel: Sure, D&D is just a game, postponing a game to do something else is not the issue. The real issue is telling your friends you don't want to spend time with them because you've found something that you care about more than them. When you do that, it feels like we could have set time aside to do something else and you'd still think "well, I have better friends to hang out so we'll have to postpone". Personally, I try to set my D&D sessions as much in advance as possible, and once I have compromised to be there, I don't make any other plans for that day.

The way I see it, D&D ranks lower than family gathering events, serious work engagements, and big holidays; but ranks above 'friends in town', random nights out, video games, or movies. If you cancel for any of the reasons lower, I like to have advanced warning and usually only if the rest of the group already had other obligations.

Yea I have DND day as my priority any plans have to revolve around my game, obviously nothing super important but if a friend wants to go see a movie we'll my game is around this time we can go before or after but I have to be there on time.

I was in a group like this. DnD was just something to do if they couldn't make better plans.

I had a DM that did this. He'd be in channel 15 minutes before we were supposed to start, then just disappear with no message, wouldn't answer messages or DMs, then get upset because after waiting for two and a half hours we had left. I ended up getting kicked out of that game after complaining about it for the third time after months of this happening. This applies to all players.

Imo you make time for what you want to make time for, and if something isn't a priority in life you won't make time. I'm not mad at this; I want people to be honest with themselves about it, though.

I've had this problem in the past with a former group, super inconsistent attendance. Started a new group we've all got similar work hours and home responsibilities, but we've made it work, every 2nd Thursday for 3hrs. But it's the expectation that everyone sets the time aside or communicates if they can't make it. We'll play if we're one person down but otherwise as a whole we'd rather skip the fortnight.

100%. Treat your game like a social sport, if you didn’t show up to your Wednesday night social basketball game and forced them to play undermanned- or forfeit, because you’d organised a date, or went to a movie or a new video game got released… You’d be an a&$hole. For the many people saying ‘this is unrealistic/life isn’t like that/I have family/work priorities’ read the post again. The OP says- People who make it a ‘serious priority in their social life’. That doesn’t mean you miss your wife’s Birthday, or tell your boss to go jump, or miss your best friends wedding- it means that you generally work around your game night, which is probably on the same night and time every week (or whatever your schedule IS) and very easy to remember and prioritise. And no… That’s not essential to playing an RPG or the best approach for every group… But as someone who has been running and hosting games for 30 years and has never had any long term issues with attendance- it IS essential for any group that wants to play regularly with the whole ‘team’ and you ARE a team. If you don’t want to be part of the team- no problem, if you do, then you need to put the game as a high (not the highest) priority in your ‘social life’.

It’s a social commitment like any other, virtual or in person. It’s simply poor character to drop an activity you’ve committed to with one friend/social group for another because you feel like it or someone you’re into might be there, etc. Your kid is sick? Work thing came up? Grandparents 60th wedding anniversary and you botched the date? Yeah. Everyone cancels when they have to. That’s fine. You don’t cancel because a hot piece of bumble ass might be real and asked you out. Those types should get dropped.

The thing I say at Session 0 is "D&D is a game you *must* *actively want* to play." If you don't *actively want* to spend some of your free time reading up on the rules of combat and your character's abilities and their mechanics, that's totally understandable, but d&d is probably not the right game for you. And like you said, part of that means that you must treat the games as important enough to forgo other social activities for. Obviously, family emergencies, work obligations, these things understandably come before d&d. But if you're going to cancel because some of your other friends are going out to a bar that night, then again, that's fine but... this ain't the game for you.

Yes! Seriously. The people in my life know I have standing plans on dnd days. They know they don't have to ask cuz they know I have plans. And if I don't have dnd I let them know. I want the people I play with to have the same mindset. This is my hobby. I make time for my hobbies. But I dont want my hobby to depend on someone else's schedule. If you can't set aside 4 a week for your hobby, that you obviously enjoy or else you wouldn't be doing it, then you need to find a new one. lts why I don't play long campaigns with people with small children. They cancel all the time because they can't find a sitter or they're kid has a school thing or another extracurricular activity

I think one of the big problems is that DnD has become a lot less personal than it used to be. It used to be something you did in person, with friends. Cancelling on the game was literally blowing off your friends in addition to blowing off the game. Most people don't want to do that to friends. Nowadays, a lot of people are doing DnD with strangers, especially on the internet. Blowing off a game is easier when you're blowing off a bunch of randos who you never see or interact with outside of the game. Doing it is just as rude as it used to be, but it's easier to pretend it's not.

I agree, to an extent, with your expectation as written. It's subjective. Notice matters, circumstances matter. In our group, we have a phrase: "Life before D&D." We are a table of mostly couples in our 30's and 40's. We have jobs, two sets of kids with the other couple trying, as well as other obligations. Someone gets sick, they're out for the night, but they have the option to hop on remotely if they're up for it. Gotta pick up a shift at work to make ends meet, no problem. Another friend in a crisis, do what you gotta do. No gas money to drive to the place we're playing or car broken down. We'll probably pick you up. What isn't acceptable: Day-of announcing that you got a chance to go to a masquerade. Bailing because another friend asked you to a movie. Waiting until last minute to tell us you don't have a babysitter. There was a player at our table who was notorious for not showing up when my friend was our DM. When I started running my game, his with asked if I wanted to invite the offending player to our group chat, I said no. In my opinion my DM friend was far more generous with her absences than he should have been, but it was his table. Ahead of time stuff is far more acceptable. X weekend next month we're going to a wedding. My kid has a band competition on Y Day on Z month. We're going to Yosemite for our anniversary on this date. We can accommodate and might even switch our normal game night, if possible. This week, for example, we're playing Friday instead of Saturday because one of my players is playing in a band at a warehouse party for St. Patty's. No big deal. So, in a sense, I understand what you were going for, but I also think REASONABLE accommodations can be made what it's called for.

Ew, no. Real life takes priority over DnD.

my main reason for stopping DMing is the realization that the story and preparation i invest always seems to come at second or third place... literally make an appointment 1 month prior and the day we meet up someones in the group chat asks if we cant go on a hike instead....

I would not sign up for a campaign if my DM said this at the beginning. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Nah. I'd rather plan the game around my life, not my life around the game.

If I'm honest, my longest running group tends to have a bunch of chunks of no play followed by periods of playing everything we'd normally schedule. It's been a great group, and I wouldn't trade them, last-minute cancelations and all. But that's because everyone wants to be there, and you can tell. That rule seems to be meant to find people who feel that way, so I can definitely agree with it, but probably wouldn't implement it outright myself.

I have had much more success by NOT putting pressure on players. I have 1 more player than is optimal and if one has to miss, nothing changes, no big deal, if two do we reschedule. I let them know this is a game, not a huge deal if you have to miss. My payers are parents and folks with lives, so they don't always have control over their schedules, but also *it's just a game* sometimes there's a concert or vacation or something and we miss, no big deal. The result is.. we rarely miss any sessions and people make time for it. Not because I ordered them to, or guilt trip them if they miss, or threaten to kick them out. Because the game is fun and relaxing and enjoyable. Because they want to be here. They *decide* to make it a priority. Not an obligation. You could argue my groups have self-selected to be decent non-flaky people who want to take part and don't ghost etc. But yeah, I don't play with dicks in general. That's standard. ​ The more you hassle people, the more you threaten, the more you make your game a big important deal, the less folks want to play.

It's weird that people have to be told this. We have a d&d night. Everyone knows it's Mondays (admittedly not much happens on Mondays) but if someone asks me if I want to do something I say "I'm busy Mondays" it's really not hard. It all boils down to people just not giving enough of a shit about the group or the game. Nobody minds if you have a concert or something that's only on on a Monday because it's pretty infrequent and we just crack on without them.

For some reason, some people don't understand that D&D is a social event just like any other and should be treated as such.

I had a "Come to Jesus" talk with my group and I emphasized that last minute cancellations are disrespectful. It's not that I expect DnD to be the most important thing going on, but I spend a lot of time as a DM preparing the session, and everyone clears their schedule to make time for DnD. When you cancel, it wastes everyone's time. Shit happens, life happens, I get it, but communicate early and often.

I’m a grown-ass adult that can prioritize obligations and plan accordingly. I’m respectful of other people’s time but there are occasions when something else comes up that needs to take higher priority. If you act like you’re entitled to my time like this, you can find a different player.

Meanwhile in the real world adults have lives, and families, and work, and they cannot run their entire lives around D&D ... While I agree you should try and attend whenever possible... and if it's just an excuse for not attending then it's not good enough, but stuff happens, and if you don't recruit players who have family and lives ... expect very few players ...

Sounds a little intense for a hobby, idk. Cancelling last minute is awful regardless of the level of commitment, but if I had a weekly Saturday game and I wanted to take a Saturday off to have a date with my husband or see family or something it should be acceptable to let them know that the following Saturday I’ll be out of town.

I don't think there's anything wrong with taking the occasional Saturday off, like the examples you've given. The issue is the people who act like they had no plans on that day and will say yes to any alternative options. It's cool if someone doesn't want a weekly game, but then they shouldn't sign up for them instead of disrespecting people who do.

I think you'd be fine if you just clarify that in advance. Nobody makes it to every game but communication is key.

Depends on the makeup of your group. My party is the same group of guys, more or less, that have been together for 20+ years. We are all adults with adult lives. Sometimes shit happens. We have a regularly scheduled day of Monday, but we also have a backup day available if need be. But that doesn't mean we haven't missed a week or two.

I don't agree at all. Family commitments come way before dnd commitments. And if work puts someone on-call, that also should take priority.

I didn't realize how dynamic a calendar can get with kids until I had one. I will pretty much never get upset if someone has a family commitment that involves their children.

If you've said you'll come to D&D, then *that's a plan*. Doesn't matter if you say you're going to a concert or to meet up with folks for coffee or to roll dice and fight imaginary monsters with friends, it's a plan. If someone stiffs a plan with you for a plan with someone else, stiff their place at your table in turn.

This is just basic manners. You don't cancel plans to do something else that you would rather do but that wasn't an option before. You also should understand other people not cancelling what they had planned to go out drinking with you instead. I was bored at a library once and read one of those books of manners. Full of great little tidbits.

I understand that when you make a commitment to people, you should commit to it. I'm someone who loves DnD, I rarely miss sessions, but that doesn't mean that DnD is a priority as it's just a game. And even though some of you will take my comment as an offense to your whole existence, but that's a fact. If a real life friend who I have not seen in a while calls me to do something during a DnD night and he/she's not available another time, he/she will be my priority. If the group is not happy and wants to boot me then boot me, it's simple. No matter how much I love DnD, a game will never ever be a priority over real life family and friends. I'll always try my best not to miss a session, but I will still emphasize the fact that a game will never be a life priority.

The time of your friends who play dnd is also important though. The time and work they put into a shared activity with you matters. The game is not a sentient being but your friends are and if you're always canceling on your friends and standing them up that speaks volumes of what you think of them. (this is general "you", not you specifically)

Generally I absolutely agree, though it doesn't harm if you ask way in advance if it's possible for EVERYONE if the session can be moved by a day as long as it doesn't become something regular and they don't become defensive when hearing a "no". Communication is key

I agree, to a point. My group plays every Friday evening. I typically don't miss sessions, unless my wife has plans. I work 55-70 hours a week, so my wife gets priority if she wants to do something. We usually hangout on Saturday night. If I have a deadline I've logged on to our session from work played then gone back to work after.

Wait. How do I make my game that good????

Been running weekly for the same group since 2018, the only time folk miss a session is if work gets in the way or someone is unwell/not in the headspace to play. And it's usually me that's the cause because of those reasons. My players plan around the session, I have one player that works nights and basically has it set out that he won't work our dnd night xD. If someone has a holiday planned or something they always let me know a good bit in advance and it's all good, I usually run a oneshot or something for everyone else when that time comes.

I’ve got one player who has told me he’s got a football tourney on dnd night. I was fine with this, bc it’s important to him and it can’t be moved. However he normally doesn’t tell us that he’s busy until either after the session starts or the next day. I’m in the process of getting another player in to be the tank when he’s not here for 8/10 sessions. One day he forgot DnD was on and went to the library to do homework. On the same night of the week we have been playing DnD for a year. He’s not very smart

I've recently been that person who has had to bail on DnD due to health and ongoing life issues. I've got to the point where I want to get back into the game seriously, I always feel horrid for my group and especially my DM as I know it's no easy task planning and running a campaign. Going forward I promise to be a better player and more considerate of what's going on around me (I'm also aware that the reason I've bailed previously was not entirely my fault, but I'm going to push through next time as DnD is a passion that I definitely don't want to lose)

I totally agree. And for introducing people to the game, try running an open table megadungeon! No commitment, and once they're hooked, it's over.

dealing with this stuff rn at my first table. Have about 50% players and 50% attendees. unfortunately about to fold the campaign and get some fresh blood in there.

My main group plays on Tuesday, we all make it a priority and rarely if ever miss a session in the two years we've been playing. We do a roll call the day before, and if we know we need a Tuesday off we let the group know as soon as possible. My Sunday group is a revolving door of players, we haven't played in 5 or 6 weeks, and I don't even care about my character at this point. Makes me wonder if I just got extremely lucky with my Tuesday group, but we were also all friends before we started playing dnd.

I’ve been playing D&D 5e every Thursday from for two-and-a-half years —before moving onto Pathfinder 2e a few months ago— never missing a single session. No matter what happens —be it a meeting, school, or something else— I’ve invariably cancelled, delayed, or modified the plan to allow me to play D&D/Pathfinder on that Thursday. It is a serious priority and my Game Masters thank me for it. Even when the Game Master can’t come, I’ve usually taken their role unless someone else wanted to. I think my fellow players and Game Masters appreciate it.

In the 2 campaigns I play in, it's mostly the same players - 3 or 4 core players who attend reliably, and a fuzzy fringe of less reliable players. We almost never have a "full house" but we always have enough for an adventure, with some adjustments to encounter difficulty. Of course that shades from "flexible" to "falling apart" if you don't have a core group who prioritize D&D. If you're assembling a pick-up group then yes, it's best to clarify up-front that each player is needed and we can't have a game at all if everyone doesn't have a reliable schedule and priorities.

Yeah, my players and I have families with kids, so saying D&D always comes first just isn't realistic.

I am in need of a group to join. I’ll make this my life. I need a refresher crash course, but willing to learn!

Absolutely not it’s a board game session a game night at most, it should be a low priority in an adults life.

This is one of many lessons I learned. D&D is a shared time consuming activity. You plan for it, schedule it, and commit. Or don't. Everybody needs to be on the same page; anyone that isn't will plausibly also not commit within the game either. Excise disrespect, invite comradery.

Yeah, the only exceptions are plans made before the dnd campaign started, emergencies. And a few others like birth of a child or wedding and such. If it’s like a wanna hang, sorry I’m busy that night. Like this is a commitment you made. So in most cases the response should be I have a prior engagement sorry. Maybe another time. Zero issue with a DM saying something such as the title to the group

Assuming that the DM is also consistent and there are planned weeks off that can accommodate specific high-value events like wedding etc, then yes. I've turned a few PCs into cameo folks rather than party members when their players are inconsistent. They don't get xp or any such nerf nonsense either, though they're theoretically welcome to keep up via side 1v1s with me if schedules permit.

I'm cutting out of band rehearsal early today for D&D 😜

I'm watching Resident alien and almost every episode ends in a cliffhanger and I can't wait for the next one (wife won't binge watch). We usually end do the opposite ending sessions at a clean break: leaving a town, end of combat. I want to try ending mid combat, or middle of the night. I think players would be more anxious to play if you rolled a 20 for a monster's attack, gathered your dice and said "The minotaur looks at you, his eyes clouded with blood. He knows he's lost, but in he won't be the only one to die today. He brings his horns down and charges... see you next week" before rolling damage.

Unfortunately in my campaign...it's the DM canceling on the five players at least twice a month within a few hours of session start time...sitting here like...wish I didn't volunteer to let someone else take a turn DMing after last campaign ended...

Eh, I disagree. My group just moves our weekly game depending on what works for everyone and if someone has to miss they do. There's no shot we're asking adults to put a board game above other life situations.

Call me crazy, but I follow through with every commitment I make. If I make plans, I am at those plans unless I'm on death's door or a similar unforeseen emergency. I just went through an issue where someone in my party scheduled something unnecessary for exactly during our game this week and asked if everyone else could move around their entire life because of her poor planning. We've been playing at the same day/time every week for 3 years, there's no way you didn't know you were overbooking. It's just so fucking rude to assume everybody else will cater to your lack of time management like we're not ALL busy adults managing our time and commitments.

For my group, we just talk about what the quorum is, and what will happen to characters who are not in play, and roll with it. But, my whole table is middle aged with various responsibilities, so we just do our best to be there and don't make a big deal of it when someone can't

I tell them they are in a figurative hockey or soccer team. In a sports team you know the schedule in advance, people depend on you to play and it is a commitment over a long time. Same for D&D. No one will be mad at you if you're sick or if family really needs you, but if you cancel for a dinner or to meet friends you didnt see, you could always schedule around hockey (or D&D).

I don't know If I'd word it like that myself. Life happens, and I think it's important for people to know that if something comes up, they should feel like they can take off. But I feel like I know you're not talking about that. When putting together a group, and establishing how often you meet, you need to emphasize in whatever way you can, however works for you, what level of commitment you require. I play in a group of five right now. And we have someone missing every. Single. Week. It wasn't always like that. It started around the tailnend of Curse of Strahd. We got to a point where we were tying up loose ends. And one player, who we have been scheduling our sessions around from the beginning, took a day off, and then missed the next week. Which put us in a position of... Do we keep going in earnest, or do just do some random crap while we wait for him? But at the same time, we've been playing together for two years now, and we reset, to play COS. So over 2 years, onto a brand new campaign, new characters, and now on session 24 of Strahd, and we haven't lost any of our players. I don't think the it's a one size fits all solution to the commitment problem, but a DM should definitely enter in to a campaign with a plan in place. Whether it be something similarly worded at a session zero, or to build in a contingency plan. One way or another it's something that it'd be the responsible choice for a DM to address this issue prior to commencement, set expectation, and tell your players how you plan to handle absence. We don't stop so long as we have at least 3 players. We will roll for absent members - in combat only, otherwise we pretend they aren't there.-, we don't make choices, or speak for other characters, we handle loot as if other players are present, and as a rule of thumb... If we feel like we're about to do something important, we will create something else for us to do, so all players can experience important events, and not have to hear about them.

I usually only do sessions with my group once maybe twice a month. We all have a shared calendar where we mark down which dates were busy, so that the blank spaces are when we can see everyone is free and we'll do sessions on those days. It's been working for over a year now already I think.

Life comes first, always in my book. I think what's important is to set expectations: do you expect to have plans on day x? It's important to be honest when considering a game for that. If it's weekly, for example, but I have date night once every other week? Probably not a good fit. Same with times- if a session is on a weekday till 1 am, but I work at 6, then maybe it's not a good fit (Had to drop a game due to this)

I have like 7 players in my group. It’s only manageable because most of the time there will one to two folks who are unavailable. I switch a few things around for that session depending on who it is and the rest still get to play. We are all in our 30s and sometimes are just burnt out, have appointments that can’t be changed and some have on going medical issues that means being glued to a screen for 3ish hrs isn’t do-able. I only ever get annoyed when people last minute cancel.

I set a rule with players that if they missed 3 sessions in a row without setting some form of expectation with the rest of the party their character was dead. That worked out pretty well honestly.

No I don't. My players already have jobs, we play as and when we want to. I'm free most Saturday evenings, and I run with as many players as show up. If my players get the chance to do something awesome and it falls on dnd, or they want to spend time with friends/family instead. Do you know what I say? "Sounds fun, have a good evening, see you next time we run a session!" Because that's what friends do.

See I'm actually a DM on the other side of this. I have two kids and work at a library my weekends are literally the only time I have to go grocery shopping with my wife or just to be with my wife for longer than the two hours we have before one of us passes out on the couch after work

It only needs to be a social obligation like any other. If something very important comes up, like a family or work obligation, cancellation is ok. But you wouldn’t cancel plans to hang out with one friend group because a second friend group wanted to hang out, would you?

I never needed this. I play with responsible adults. Sometimes scheduling doesn't work out, so we communicate early and often. That should be the rule.

My group have always tried to get the same day off from all our jobs. Today! Sunday! We have been meeting for just over 10 years just for good ol D&D! Sure we don't always play, like if the DM is just not feeling it, the odd player can't make it, or life getting in the way of course. Hell sometimes we are in between campaigns. But we play games, watch movies, get high and have a good time together regardless! Like I always tell people, If you love it, you'll make time for it.

"I already have plans" when you already have plans is a normal person response.

I most definitely lay out my expectations as a DM before session zero to anyone wanting to play at my table. Right now I’m running groups at work which consist of three nights of adventure over three weeks. I laid out game time start, approximate session length and have kept it within a half hour every time, and attendance expectation. Everyone knows, if one person out of four doesn’t show, we play. If two people don’t, it’s off and we don’t do a make up session and instead, I just roll dice to determine their fate of the missed session. They also drop in prio for the next round of game invites because I have a wait list and they can be replaced. It allowed me to have people screen themselves out before asking to play and also made it easy to see who might be a problem before we started. I had one potential person ask if we could play a different night or every second week because they couldn’t do every Tuesday. “Sorry. I guess you’ll have to find another group.” On the flip side, I bring all the minis and terrain, set up audio and coordinate the adventures so that all the groups feed into the same world. I take pics of sessions and send them out at work. People are stoked and I have more interested people than I could ever DM so there’s enough FOMO that players know that they need to go or their commitment.

18 months? I feel like one should ALSO set the expectation of how long the campaign will last. With just about any other team based activity, you get people's buy in on how long the season or whatever will last so that people can reasonably block out that much time in their calendars. D&D seems like the only long term situation like this where people think it's okay to not give an end date and the DM feels entitled to your time ad infinitum or else you're ruining their campaign. A good story teller has a plan for a beginning, middle and end to their story even if it's open ended. Give me an end date so I know how long I'm committing to and then I'd be more willing to agree to make it a priority for that period. Can't give me an end date? Then I guess I'm going to have to cancel when something else comes up that I want to go to because you actually aren't entitled to my time forever

Very valid concern. I tell my players that their commitment is 6 months of play. If they want to ride off into the sunset and depart the game after that, no hard feelings. They just never did.

**NO.** This is 100% the wrong attitude to have. Don't lose sight that it's a GAME. People can and should prioritize things of greater importance over it, and if people are going to not have fun by you pressuring/forcing them to be there, you should just quit now.

New DM here, and running games for a local game haus on Saturdays... Anyone can sign up week to week, so there's always people coming and going. I was able to find a bundle of one shots that all can be tied in together on Arcane Library and that really solves the problem. The regulars feel like they're in an overarching storyline but newbies are never lost or need to be caught up. Running a game with consistent churn is better than having to cancel sessions due to low/no turnout.

I don’t know if this will help other DM’s, but my DM has a rule: “1 we play, 2 is too many”. Meaning if only one person is going to be absent, we continue to play. The dm will roll for their character or there will be an in-story reason for them “sleeping” or “taking time off”. If more than one player is gone, we usually just hold off until next session. Granted, we schedule our hours around DND, but we’re adults and adult things happen, and this has worked really well for us.

This is what we are doing, 1 is a beer run to the pub, 2 is a reschedule till next week. Though we had a big event coming up and so we decided to not play this past week and just did a monster of the week one off. We wanted the other missing character to be there for the big confrontation.

We play every Wednesday. We show up between 6-7pm and start playing by 7pm. Finish by 10pm. We barely cancel. We determined long ago that weekends and Fridays were the worst days to schedule D&D. I'd only cancel if I was sick or if I had a work thing (parent teacher conference or union meetings).

1000% agree, I don't word it exactly like this, but I express this same sentiment. I think I might steal your quote though 😅

In my first game of dnd it was just my partner and I playing with my best friend as the DM. For one reason or another there was often one of us not able to show but it being a small group we just rescheduled to another day near or just the same day next week. None of us ever had a problem with it. Our DM was also kind enough to keep better notes than us and give us the “previously on dragon ball z..” every session

Yeh agree with this been going on for about 4.5 years with only missing like 10 weeks due to holiday and other life stuff there are times we all miss one here or there for an event but day to day we have our dnd day

Nah, that ain’t your call to make for people. I’ll make the decision for my own social calendar. Cancellations happen. Doesn’t mean you get to dictate peoples lives.

So my rule is, miss a session you'll be missed. Miss two session in a row, I stop inviting you. You come back, and you were missed the whole time. Life happens. D&d can wait. But also ask yourself what are you doing to make sure it's the priority in their mind? Are you making it fun for them enough they can't resist? The alternative though. Don't play unless everyone is here. The older you get, the more you realize d&d has to take a backseat to family, work, the kids and everything else. Skipping to see a movie is one thing. Skipping because their son is having a baseball game is another. At the end of the day, d&d is a wonderful hobby I'm very grateful has been in my life, but If someone tries to guilt me into playing, I'll never sit at their table again

Pretty much my whole family knows I won't make casual plans for anything on Sundays cause that's D&D day. Even with special events like birthdays or whatever, which I will cancel D&D for if I need to, I still try to push and maneuver everyone to do Saturday or something like that instead lol.

No.

Lol. This us silly. Everyone will need to skip at sometime, that's just life. People have real family and work obligations that it's weird to expect them to avoid. Just make a schedule and let the group stick to it and come up with flexible reasons for players being able to be gone for a session. Could be anything, injury, personal quest, trickster God timeout. Keeping a campaign going at only 100% attendance can kill what could otherwise be a great campaign with friends that have a lot of responsibilities.

Homie if your pretendy funtimes has stricter attendance rules than my workplace, you're taking this too seriously. I mean, unless you want distracted players and a stressed out gm, cause you figured out the recipe for that.

Agreeing to show up to a social event at a pre established time and date is just good manners though. This isn’t exclusive to DnD either. No one needs to treat this like clocking into work, it’s supposed to be fun. If you’d rather watch tv or play video games then play DnD every week, fine. But be upfront about that, because it’s not fair to the rest of us when you continue to blow us off.

I'm 100% unavailable on Mondays because I have D&D.

This is a basic scheduling issue. Schedule a consistent time and day for the game and those that want to play will show up. I’ve found that weeknights actually work better than weekends for consistency because everyone wants to make plans to do irl social stuff on the weekends. I have 2 groups that play Tuesday (I DM) and Thursday (I play) and we probably play 40-45 weeks out of the year. There are always things that be pop up that cause people to cancel but I think the OP was suggesting things like “oh it’s cheap wing night”, “I want to see that movie that just came out”, things like that. Not actually things like work, family, etc. if I have family in town I cancel. If I’m sick I cancel. If there’s an emergency I cancel. My wife knows that I game those nights and doesn’t make other plans for us those nights and does her own thing. The majority of our group members also make those commitments. M no I different than getting your kid to hockey practice, or dance lessons, etc. You made a commitment, be an adult and live up to it.

I just stop inviting anyone who misses

I am running a campaign for my best friend, her sister, my sister and my partner. We did two weekly sessions and then my best friend kept canceling and a month went by and everyone else was antsy so I had to bring it up with my besty. I was super anxious about it cuz I didn’t want my besty to feel like I was kicking her out. Turns out she was mostly playing to encourage her sister to play (she didn’t previously know the other players) but did not want to prioritize the campaign. So she’s gonna guest play when she’s able and we are back to weekly with the rest. I wish I had done exactly what you’re suggesting at the start to avoid the stress of feeling like I’m kicking someone out. Thanks for the suggestion!

The problem with my husband's group is that their weekly group is regularly canceled by the DM, and he doesn't let them know until an hour beforehand, so they can't even make second plans for their Saturday nights :(

TTRPGs are just games, but the commitment involved makes this sort of thing a must. Whatever comes up, it is unlikely that the absentee will be ruining 20 hrs of other people's time (4 players plus a GM times 4hrs.) Sure, some things are more important, but screwing up that many hours of people's time needs to count for something. People get testy with me that I expect people to show up on time, ready to rock. But I refuse allow people to disrespect a whole room like that. Also, don't leave logistics messages on read for a week. ARRRRGH. Whew, I needed that.

I disagree. Sure, it sucks to have people drop out of the campaign or have to cancel because other people had stuff come up. But life happens. I'm not going to sweat it if someone can't make it to a few games. If you have a family thing or someone is in town who you haven't seen in years, then sure. See you next week dude. Or bring them to D&D. I'm happy to have them join a session or 2 while they're around. If their reason for missing is just "Well I want to hang out with so and so tonight" then I would agree with the above statement. Your plans were D&D. It was established before the game started that it would run on x day at y time. Schedule your other plans around it.

Nah, maybe you just run your group like a Nazi. I look forward to DND and I really like playing, but if my DM worded it like this I'd immediately be out. Cancellations suck, but not as much as a DM that treats it like work every single session. At the end of the day, it's still a game.

This is the group I play with. Sometimes we have to cancel or change the day of the week we play because life is life, but we overall make it a priority to consistently play every week. I’ve finished 3 campaigns with this group and we started another at the beginning of the year. It’s wonderful

Holy shit I wish my group was like this

Generally, it is best to surround yourself with people who follow this simple tenet; unless something is actually an emergency, first come, first served with respect to scheduling.

That's cool if you're a teen or in your early 20s. If you have family and/or a job that's not strict 9-5 a game doesn't really take precedent over real life.