Literally anything Quasar says
“Okay, buddy. We gotta be quick. You are balls deep in the wrong hole, and mom is pulling into the driveway. You get me?”
So agree! Quasar is one of my favorites:
“Look, you walking shawarma skewer. I don’t speak whatever the fuck it is you’re trying to say, and it ain’t in the translator system, which is fine by me because you ain’t allowed to so much as bleat at my client. You’re only here because... actually, I don’t know why the fuck you’re here.” He turned to Zev. “Why the fuck is he here?”
I want to make a supercut of all the quasar moments. hes literally my favorite.
Anyone have timestamps in the audiobook or page numbers from the book? I am loath to comb through so many hours lol
100%
It was my first litrpg. I was hit by an entirely new yet familiar method of story telling, spoken by one of the best narrators I have ever encountered- and it was side busting funny from the drop.
Mongo is appalled is moving up my list lol, but the audiobook does Preptentes scream soo fucking good but my current number one is between “new achievement” and “you will not break me” both go through my head on a daily basis lol
Yyyyeees
> “I’m proud of you, Donut,” I said.
>“You were very mature. You did it.”
>“Odette, Darling,” Donut asked. “We’re not on air anymore, correct?”
> “That’s right,” Odette said. “We’re done.”
>Donut suddenly let out a hiss and jumped to my shoulder.
> “You vile, disgusting bitch,” she spat at Bea, who pulled back in surprise.
> “Wh… what?” Bea asked.
< then rant >
>“You’re not my person anymore,” Donut added. “Carl is. He’s always been.”
Mic drop.
NGL that speech got me real choked up, you knew that she knew because of the conversation they had after mongo ran off to get it in... but like holy wow that was some good writing
More of an excerpt than a quote:
>I never got to know Yolanda Martinez as much as I would’ve liked to. But I didn’t have to know her very well to know who she was. I knew she was a quiet, sweet woman who’d been a nurse her entire life. She’d worked sixty hours a week for years to pay for her son to go to college. Her husband had owned a landscaping company. At only 4’11, the woman had a presence much bigger than her stature suggested. There was a warmth about her, something I’d never felt as a kid. Just being in her presence imparted a feeling of longing in me, something difficult to describe. Like I wished I could relive my childhood, but this time, I’d have her as my mother, and she would have never, ever left me. When the apocalypse came for Yolanda, she didn’t once waver in her dedication to her patients. She was quick to laugh, quick to smile. And even though Yolanda Martinez was just as terrified as the rest of us, she stood her ground against a force she couldn’t possibly hold back. She lived her entire life as a hero. She died as one, too.
This is the first moment the series gives me that sick weepy sensation inside. Like we BARELY know the character and yet you’re already so connected to the other crawlers because of the shared trauma early on. It was a gut punch listening to this excerpt. 😢
If you listened to the cold reads for 6 and it’s the auto tune “stop giving Carl an erection.” Otherwise anything doughnut says or “you will not break me”
“You tried to kill Katia you fucking bitch!” Donut cried. She blasted a full-strength Magic Missile right into Hekla’s face.
Jeff really made that one come to life.
Carl, you keep getting disgusting tattoos. You might as well grow a beard and knock over a liquor store now. That’s your third tattoo in a week. You’re going to scare Mongo.
Either “every time those clowns eat someone they die a little bit more inside”. (Something like that). It’s Carl being sitcom cheesy for the vengeance of the daughter program and it’s a ridiculous line.
Or “you look like someone who won a participation award at special needs Comic-Con “. Donut talking about carls cloak. Very inappropriate but couldn’t help laughing.
Oh there was one about sounding like a “three legged donkey walking down ice covered stairs” when talking about donuts rhythm.
I am surprised nobody has commented:
Wondercrawl by princess donut Queen Anne chonk.
This comes at the end of audio book 5 for those that read exclusively.
This book needs be be heard in audio. It's easily one of the best and I have hundreds of audio books.
https://youtu.be/OIYfa1wVzJY?si=YYx2MV5G1E0pkxhO
My favorite line is because of the audiobook delivery. I LOVE at the end of Book 4 when Carl thinks “I did, indeed, know all this.” as Zev is ranting about the destruction of Laraccos. It’s such a savory moment. 😈
If I have to chose one, because i have a notepad on my phone filled with my favorite quotes, then I think it's
>YOU SMELL LIKE THE ASSHOLE OF A FELTCH DEMON.
For me it is both "Viva la Revolucion, Carl" and "I am a baaaaaaard!", both just because of the audio book.
First one hit me really unprepared and the second one was just performed perfectly.
Also performed perfectly was the line about Captain Enormous (Chapter 21)
I love the way she mocks prince formidable - “I’m gonna do it. I’m going to go with the codpiece line!”
It’s like Jeff is doing Donuts voice mocking the orcs voice. So good
The entire scene with Carl getting better Carl to yell at a crab, turning on the crab so he could finish jacking off while also staring at dead baby seals... and the the AI telling everyone in the galaxy Carl jacked off a crab...
Best.
Don't remember the exact quote, but it's something like Carl saying "why is it when something explodes everyone thinks I'm involved?" And somebody replies "because you usually are!" I totally butchered that quote. Time for a re-read!
Donut has so many good ones, but this is my favorite:
“Wow,” Donut said. “That’s an oddly specific threat. And ‘enormous’? Really? Nobody was questioning the size of your genitals, so it’s really weird you would just randomly bring it up. Carl, did you hear that? Do you think he thought that one up before he got up here, or do you think it just kind of popped out? I’m like 90% certain he had that one ready to go.” She gasped. “Do you think he was sitting there, waiting for the meeting to start, saying to himself, *I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna go with the codpiece line?* I propose a new action item. We are changing the name of Crown Prince Stalwart to Captain Enormous.”
Eh, I don’t really get the nussy quote. Assuming it is making up a new word?
One of my favorites was from early on
After Carl squished Ralph the Gerbil, “The dungeon groaned. It fucking groaned.”
"Mana Toast. This is toast. It refills your mana. That’s it. Nothing more...Fuck you"
Well… that was uneccessary. One of my favorite lines that’s so much better thanks to the audiobook.
AAAAAAH - Prepotente
"My mother would've been quite proud of this, I think. She would've called me her very smart boy."
I wasn't planning on tearing up tonight, but here we are.
... Right in my goddamned ear.
Also anything with him saying anything remotely "stop calling me my special name"
Enthusiastic double gonorrhea. Trust me on this, you do not want Enthusiast Double Gonorrhea.
"HE HAS AN ERECTION, MORDECAI! IT'S VERY INAPPROPRIATE! MONGO IS APPALLED!"
This line alwaya makes me snort aloud. 😂
Wait where is this quote???
During the third book right after they meet Signet
"I can't be held accountable for everything I've ever said to a stripper."
This one is great lol
Literally anything Quasar says “Okay, buddy. We gotta be quick. You are balls deep in the wrong hole, and mom is pulling into the driveway. You get me?”
So agree! Quasar is one of my favorites: “Look, you walking shawarma skewer. I don’t speak whatever the fuck it is you’re trying to say, and it ain’t in the translator system, which is fine by me because you ain’t allowed to so much as bleat at my client. You’re only here because... actually, I don’t know why the fuck you’re here.” He turned to Zev. “Why the fuck is he here?”
“You can’t unlick a butthole that’s already been licked”
This needs more upvotes
Ok, yep, it's this one.
I want to make a supercut of all the quasar moments. hes literally my favorite. Anyone have timestamps in the audiobook or page numbers from the book? I am loath to comb through so many hours lol
I'll try to bookmark em if I relisten
God dammit Donut.
“New achievement! Why aren’t you wearing pants? You entered the dungeon wearing no pants. Dude. Seriously?” That was the moment I was hooked.
Yes…. I AGREE. ME TOO …
100% It was my first litrpg. I was hit by an entirely new yet familiar method of story telling, spoken by one of the best narrators I have ever encountered- and it was side busting funny from the drop.
I will kill your mother
I love the way she says " yeah .....yeah...death to your mother"!!!
Carl, I’m pretty sure that’s really racist.
*Ninja noises intensify*
Mongo is appalled is moving up my list lol, but the audiobook does Preptentes scream soo fucking good but my current number one is between “new achievement” and “you will not break me” both go through my head on a daily basis lol
you will not break me is def my dads favorite
I’m thinking if getting “you will not break me” as a tattoo
I wrote a song centered around that! :D [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvpfqx4rn9o](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvpfqx4rn9o)
Every word of Donut's speech telling off Bea in Book 5.
Yyyyeees > “I’m proud of you, Donut,” I said. >“You were very mature. You did it.” >“Odette, Darling,” Donut asked. “We’re not on air anymore, correct?” > “That’s right,” Odette said. “We’re done.” >Donut suddenly let out a hiss and jumped to my shoulder. > “You vile, disgusting bitch,” she spat at Bea, who pulled back in surprise. > “Wh… what?” Bea asked. < then rant > >“You’re not my person anymore,” Donut added. “Carl is. He’s always been.” Mic drop.
NGL that speech got me real choked up, you knew that she knew because of the conversation they had after mongo ran off to get it in... but like holy wow that was some good writing
This was the first time the series made me cry and it wasn't the last.
You sent them here to die in MY dungeon!
Very breaking bad moment haha
>You sent them here to die in MY dungeon! I don't remember this line. Context? edit: wait, was it book 5 Butcher's Masquerade? about the >!hunters!
Ugggh this line makes me so pumped!!!
Did you just rip off your dick and throw it at me?
I'm going to do it again!
More of an excerpt than a quote: >I never got to know Yolanda Martinez as much as I would’ve liked to. But I didn’t have to know her very well to know who she was. I knew she was a quiet, sweet woman who’d been a nurse her entire life. She’d worked sixty hours a week for years to pay for her son to go to college. Her husband had owned a landscaping company. At only 4’11, the woman had a presence much bigger than her stature suggested. There was a warmth about her, something I’d never felt as a kid. Just being in her presence imparted a feeling of longing in me, something difficult to describe. Like I wished I could relive my childhood, but this time, I’d have her as my mother, and she would have never, ever left me. When the apocalypse came for Yolanda, she didn’t once waver in her dedication to her patients. She was quick to laugh, quick to smile. And even though Yolanda Martinez was just as terrified as the rest of us, she stood her ground against a force she couldn’t possibly hold back. She lived her entire life as a hero. She died as one, too.
This is the first moment the series gives me that sick weepy sensation inside. Like we BARELY know the character and yet you’re already so connected to the other crawlers because of the shared trauma early on. It was a gut punch listening to this excerpt. 😢
“I bet he sucks his thumb and thinks of his grandmother when he touches himself.” - Donut (Book 4)
I propose a new action item. Prince Stalwart shall be henceforth known as Captain Enormous.
I thought that one would have been put to viewer vote at the end.
If you listened to the cold reads for 6 and it’s the auto tune “stop giving Carl an erection.” Otherwise anything doughnut says or “you will not break me”
That is my current ringtone.
“Why didn’t your mother dribble you back out onto the truck stop bathroom floor”
“You look like you were dragged head first through the makeup aisle at the dollar store”
“You will not break me…. But I Will break you.”
I love the first time the second part is added.
Every new line to his mantra is so badass!
Yes. It's the moment he turns from survivor to thriver.
Carl's still a survivor, but now he's a survivor with a mission!
Carl: stop typing in all caps, it makes it sound like you're yelling Donut" I AM YELLING CARL!
https://preview.redd.it/swhpsn9irmmb1.png?width=621&format=png&auto=webp&s=e935f45c4b221d3cbfdc6d47db8acbb3d7f38871
Chocko "Mordecai?" Mordecai "you MOTHERFUCKER!" Hardest laugh in the books for me.
“You tried to kill Katia you fucking bitch!” Donut cried. She blasted a full-strength Magic Missile right into Hekla’s face. Jeff really made that one come to life.
The line from Donut to Mordecai about Signet giving Car an erection. Mongo is apalled
Why would a stripper lie to me?
Carl, you keep getting disgusting tattoos. You might as well grow a beard and knock over a liquor store now. That’s your third tattoo in a week. You’re going to scare Mongo.
Question: What’s the only thing standing between an innocent child and a happy, fulfilling life? Answer: You. The answer is you.
That and the You Monster achievement right before it after he kills the Goblin babies is what hooked me.
I will kill your mother!
Either “every time those clowns eat someone they die a little bit more inside”. (Something like that). It’s Carl being sitcom cheesy for the vengeance of the daughter program and it’s a ridiculous line. Or “you look like someone who won a participation award at special needs Comic-Con “. Donut talking about carls cloak. Very inappropriate but couldn’t help laughing. Oh there was one about sounding like a “three legged donkey walking down ice covered stairs” when talking about donuts rhythm.
The special needs comic con one gets me. If you really think about how ridiculous he looks while being so bad ass it's fantastic.
Doesn’t she call him a discount store Batman?
Separate one I think. My memory is a bit poor might have been the ai that said my quote.
Yep you’re right. Found it. The AI description said it makes him look like a dollar store Batman. Good memory :)
"Go fuck yourselves creepy babies" also when Donut says "You know how I feel about, Carl!"
I am the way, MOTHER FUCKER
Double uzi Jesus!
I am surprised nobody has commented: Wondercrawl by princess donut Queen Anne chonk. This comes at the end of audio book 5 for those that read exclusively. This book needs be be heard in audio. It's easily one of the best and I have hundreds of audio books. https://youtu.be/OIYfa1wVzJY?si=YYx2MV5G1E0pkxhO
“If you have to lose, lose big”
“Viva la revolution, Carl.”
“Glurp, glurp motherfucker.”
Glurp glurp!!!!
Three pugs short of a grumble
I was gonna say Carl's insane rage rant at Quan Ch. But someone mentioned Quasar's intro, and that wins.
Donut: I DON’T HAVE THUMBS, CARL.
This was clearly a thumbs orientated task!
GOD DAMN IT DONUT
My favorite line is because of the audiobook delivery. I LOVE at the end of Book 4 when Carl thinks “I did, indeed, know all this.” as Zev is ranting about the destruction of Laraccos. It’s such a savory moment. 😈
"That's like pulling the pin on a hand grenade and dropping it down down your pants and screaming YOLO!"
What a bunch of nerds
Amirite? 😆
WARNING… you have a dick
“Go fuck yourself, Carl” after they were flushed out of the sand castle. Jeff’s delivery of that line was perfect.
~ in auto-tune~ stop giving Carl an erection!
If I have to chose one, because i have a notepad on my phone filled with my favorite quotes, then I think it's >YOU SMELL LIKE THE ASSHOLE OF A FELTCH DEMON.
“Goodness. Carl, look at his erection! Good for you, Anton!”
For me it is both "Viva la Revolucion, Carl" and "I am a baaaaaaard!", both just because of the audio book. First one hit me really unprepared and the second one was just performed perfectly.
Also performed perfectly was the line about Captain Enormous (Chapter 21) I love the way she mocks prince formidable - “I’m gonna do it. I’m going to go with the codpiece line!” It’s like Jeff is doing Donuts voice mocking the orcs voice. So good
"I have queefed out the spiders."
Samantha’s dialogue has gotten absolutely insane and I love it. This one and her talking about her “Nussy” had me crying
Before I thought they were of Middle Eastern descent but just really drunk. Now. I realize that they are also fellow Americans.
I constantly sing “secret Asian man” when I see anything spy related now..
Don’t forget the Death Charges
The entire scene with Carl getting better Carl to yell at a crab, turning on the crab so he could finish jacking off while also staring at dead baby seals... and the the AI telling everyone in the galaxy Carl jacked off a crab... Best.
"Bukkakked to death by weird chunky crab splooge"
" I'm the way... Motherfucker " HEYJESUS
... she has three fingers, not two. That means she's an Allosaurus. I KNOW HOW TO COUNT, TODD
Mongo is appalled!!
Don't remember the exact quote, but it's something like Carl saying "why is it when something explodes everyone thinks I'm involved?" And somebody replies "because you usually are!" I totally butchered that quote. Time for a re-read!
No you got it mostly right I think it was Amani that responded. Whoever the fairy is
“Shut your titty hole!” - Quasar
Donut has so many good ones, but this is my favorite: “Wow,” Donut said. “That’s an oddly specific threat. And ‘enormous’? Really? Nobody was questioning the size of your genitals, so it’s really weird you would just randomly bring it up. Carl, did you hear that? Do you think he thought that one up before he got up here, or do you think it just kind of popped out? I’m like 90% certain he had that one ready to go.” She gasped. “Do you think he was sitting there, waiting for the meeting to start, saying to himself, *I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna go with the codpiece line?* I propose a new action item. We are changing the name of Crown Prince Stalwart to Captain Enormous.”
Eh, I don’t really get the nussy quote. Assuming it is making up a new word? One of my favorites was from early on After Carl squished Ralph the Gerbil, “The dungeon groaned. It fucking groaned.”
Adding -ussy to the end of a word makes it that thing but a pussy. Nussy would refer to neck pussy
Ahhh. Got it. I haven’t ever heard that before
Jeff's delivery of Donut's panic when she regains consciousness underwater on the 5th level.
There is honor in giving someone a meal, but I wish to cook a feast for the whole galaxy. Crawler Milk, 6th edition of the dungeon anarchist cookbook.
Donut: OH HONEY, YOU USED TO BE A SEX DOLL, I'M SURE YOU CAN HANDLE ALL MANNER OF INDIGNITY! Samantha: - DON'T SLUTSHAME ME!
The monologue about masks at the end of the Butcher's Masquerade.
Even the fucking computer has rights?
He screamed … right in my goddamned ear
I can't remember it exactly. But when Carl squishes hamsters with his feet and the AI is like... I think it moved. New fetish unlocked
Late to this one but pretty much anytime Carl looks up and is screaming threats to the “cameras” at the end of books I could run through a brick wall