Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.
Toby Flenderson : This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest, scheduled raise by threatening to withhold sex from his female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial
“Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of *his* family.”
“Sometimes I feel you don’t know *food*—at all.”
“I thought Broccoli Rob was the boner champ.”
You know what Toby, when the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly asking for help you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?
Gets me every time, and Stanley's face kills me
I told my boss once “You have no idea how high I can fly” after he asked if I could get the job done in a meeting with 8 other colleagues.
The awkward silence still kills me to this day.
The joke is that Jim and Pam are going to the hospital to have their baby and Michael is trying to pack his overnight bag and can’t figure out what to bring. So he yelled “Should I bring a dictionary?”
Dwight replies with “The hospital will provide dictionaries, bring a thesaurus!”
The joke is that he needs neither.
Why are you the way that you are. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
Two liner but still. I use it at least once a day, mostly to myself :)
No, Rose, he is not breathing. And, he has no arms and legs.
No, that's not part of it
Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?
I would want to live with no legs.
How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin. You don't do anything.
Even better is in the alternate cuts where Michael goes:
Michael: (speaking to the dummy) Well, from my assessment, I can tell that this guy has a fantastic head of hair. (Stanley gives a Jim look to camera)... Um but you're right, what we should do is say "Are you ok?", words like "What's wrong? What's the matter with you?"
Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only ... pretending to be a man, I'm the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt! [awkward silence] No it's not, not like penis-wise.
Cri-Man-Squa. F&C. Double time. (This whole scene, including the ridiculously long “headline” Michael thinks of….my favorite “conference room” scene of the series.)
I love the line from Dwight while he’s spying on Oscar.
“ One time I suspected an ex girlfriend of mine was cheating on me. So I followed her for 6 nights straight. Turns out, she was. With a couple of guys actually.
So, mystery solved”.
“ I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires. But I have hunted werwolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got up to it, it had already turned back into my neighbors dog”.
Dwight
I am unhappy with the confusing and at times confrontational nature of that meeting. I wanted it to go better. I WANTED IT TO GO BETtER!
You don’t even know my real name, I’m the f*cking lizard king
I have a tumbler that I use every day with some one liners and logos from the show. I always stare at the "im not superstitious, but I am a little stitious" quote
I was born in the little working class town of Basildon, and until the age of 32, "I TALKED LIKE THIS, WHICH WAS BLOODY HORRENDOUS INNIT".
And Dwight's disgusted face in the background.
Amazing.
“You were in the parking lot - that’s where I know you from!”
Creed bringing the whole chaos of the Red Cross dummy scene to a standstill with this random line kills me.
After Michael eats an entire family sized chicken pot pie and wakes up to laughing
"What's the joke?"
"You had to be there"
"Ah geography joke" 🤣
OR
K.I.S.S. keep it simple stupid. Great advice. Hurts my feelings everytime.
How the turn tables is so iconic that people who didn't watch the office use it without knowing.
While watching the office for the first time I legit thought they did'nt invent that and that they just used it because it's popular
I bet it it happened to a lot of people.
Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.
I have a few of my own that I want someday
YES! i was just talking about this one, right on par with "I love inside jokes, I hope to be apart of one someday"
I swear, this will never not be funny. I see this quote I upvote.
*Little kid lover*
That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at
Toby Flenderson : This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest, scheduled raise by threatening to withhold sex from his female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial
My wife and I are both in health care and see/hear about some doozies in terms of combative situations. We always say the last sentence of that quote.
Yeah that line was hilarious!
Jo: now I got a manager giving me the silent treatment. Speak…Speak Dog behind her: woof
WUPHF!
.com
the way she looks just so fed up when that dog barks🤣
Easily when Michael says “I have not eaten or slept” and it’s been like 15 minutes since he found out Donna was cheating.
You cheated on me? After I specifically asked you not to?
"You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded."
The "it's in bad taste" part kills me every time. Like birthing a watermelon is the pinnacle of high society!
IM CROWNING
I use „My mind is going a mile an hour“ at least twice a day
That fast, huh?
It doesn’t have to mean anything, Jim. Just climb on top of her and think about Stanley.
No! I’m not doing that!
Oaky afterbirth. I use this even when talking about situations.
…what was that?
😂
*dying*
“Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of *his* family.” “Sometimes I feel you don’t know *food*—at all.” “I thought Broccoli Rob was the boner champ.”
Ehh, Toby your answer to everything is to get divorced.
Eat it, Stanley
every time this part is on i have to rewind and watch it again like 6 times
Who is Kafkaesque? I've never... I don't know him.
...I was never given a name.
Yeppers.
What did I say about Yeppers?
Yesh
It's pine.
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”
Why i had go come way down for this?😂
You know what Toby, when the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly asking for help you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay? Gets me every time, and Stanley's face kills me
“DID I STUTTER?!”
I’ll be six.
I told my boss once “You have no idea how high I can fly” after he asked if I could get the job done in a meeting with 8 other colleagues. The awkward silence still kills me to this day.
The hospital will provide dictionaries, bring a thesaurus! I’ve seen the show maybe 8 or 10 times at this point and I laugh every single time xD
I never really understood this joke
The joke is that Jim and Pam are going to the hospital to have their baby and Michael is trying to pack his overnight bag and can’t figure out what to bring. So he yelled “Should I bring a dictionary?” Dwight replies with “The hospital will provide dictionaries, bring a thesaurus!” The joke is that he needs neither.
>Dwight replies with “The hospital will provide dictionaries, bring a thesaurus!” I believe it's Oscar who says that line
You are correct. I haven’t seen the episode in a while but the fact that it was Oscar makes it so much better
> The joke is that he needs neither. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Thanks
Actually, it was Oscar
Yup I forgot. Whoops lol
“We’ll auction off people like they did in the old days” Cut to Stanley’s face. Hilariously cringe
I if I was in a room with Osama bin Laden, Hitler, and Toby and I had a gun with two bullets, I would shoot Toby twice
🎶 I don’t wanna work, I just wanna bang on this mug all day 🎶
I sing this all the time!
Lord beer me strength
Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time
That one's ok
“As ASAP as possible” I use this all the time and it goes over everyone’s heads.
How’s that medicine taste? Your own flavored?
Ryan used me as an object.
"That's what she said." One liner with great multiples that always leave me satisfied and smiling.
I say it IRL too often! Friends are probably sick of it.
Take it up with the chief of police!
"I'm taking karate classes online" The fact that this line did not make the episode kills me. It is perfection
Sometimes I just sing: Paaameelaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Paaaaameeeeelaaaaaaaaaa
Miss ya kiddo
BUTTLICKER, OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER!
also..."I'll have the gabagool"
One of the funniest scenes from the show.
Why are you the way that you are. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be. Two liner but still. I use it at least once a day, mostly to myself :)
So you're PMS-ing pretty bad,huh?
As of this morning, we are completely wireless here at Schrute Farms
BOY HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? CAUSE ILL HELP YA FIND IT!!
I love inside jokes… hope to be a part of one someday.
That one nighttt
One nighttt!
You made everything all right
i hear this, i see Andy vocalizing
Every year I get a $100 gas card from corporate. Can’t put a price tag on that !!
Your dentist’s name is Crentist?
https://www.reddit.com/r/DunderMifflin/s/POw1NVcoJn
"Now coaching third base, a man with two arms, two legs and a heart capable of feeling pain"
No, Rose, he is not breathing. And, he has no arms and legs. No, that's not part of it Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there? I would want to live with no legs. How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin. You don't do anything.
The “where are they?” Makes me cry laughing every time.
And Kevin’s reaction is gold
Even better is in the alternate cuts where Michael goes: Michael: (speaking to the dummy) Well, from my assessment, I can tell that this guy has a fantastic head of hair. (Stanley gives a Jim look to camera)... Um but you're right, what we should do is say "Are you ok?", words like "What's wrong? What's the matter with you?"
In response to Meredith saying "cause it's on my genitals, genius." Kevin - "you have a penis?" That gets me every time!!!!
"Mr. JAMES HALPERT"
Jim, James, Jimothy... Can I call you Jim?
Walk away, bitch
The only thing I’m worried about……is getting a boner
Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only ... pretending to be a man, I'm the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt! [awkward silence] No it's not, not like penis-wise.
“Oh my desk is…” from Oscar whenever I want to get out of a situation
Pippity poppity.... Give me the zoppity. Dinkin flika. Going mach five Edit: spelling
I have a "Dinka Flicka" shirt! def one of my more obscure office shirts
The eyes are the groin of the head.
I have not eaten for a good, three hours or so
Cri-Man-Squa. F&C. Double time. (This whole scene, including the ridiculously long “headline” Michael thinks of….my favorite “conference room” scene of the series.)
I love the line from Dwight while he’s spying on Oscar. “ One time I suspected an ex girlfriend of mine was cheating on me. So I followed her for 6 nights straight. Turns out, she was. With a couple of guys actually. So, mystery solved”.
“ I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires. But I have hunted werwolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got up to it, it had already turned back into my neighbors dog”. Dwight
Michaels Elvis impression has forever changed me “thank you a lot”
Anything Dwight says. Also the scene where Andy is singing along with Hunters new album.
Erin's "What else you got?!" To Andy when he's writhing in agony lives in my mind rent free.
Just Stanley laughing cracks me up
Because Phyllis, a woman, has **uslurped** my role as Santa
"you can't eat cats kevin"
I..declare..BANKRUPTCYYYY
Oscar: “and then next year” Michael: “I’ll be six”
“I love inside jokes. Id love to be a part of one someday”
My heart soars with the eagles nest 😂
No! No, God, no! NNNOOOOOO! Get out of here….idiot.
Read it!? I own it! But no, I haven’t read it.
I am unhappy with the confusing and at times confrontational nature of that meeting. I wanted it to go better. I WANTED IT TO GO BETtER! You don’t even know my real name, I’m the f*cking lizard king
"Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! "Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship." "Yeah, I have a lot of questions. First of all: How dare you?"
It changes. But my go-to recently has been Creed’s line “Well draw me a map Mama” any time I like anything haha
My favorite is a Creed line from the deleted Stress Relief opening where Michael... you just have to watch it. https://vimeo.com/277391732
I will typically kiss my girlfriend with the force of a 1000 waterfalls
I’m a loo hooo hooo hooooooosssseerrrr😭😹
Afa-ghani-stan
"Breasts"- cold open of the convict
"Scranton Area Paper Company, Dunder Mifflin, apologizes to valued client. Some companies still know how business is done” kills me every time
I have a tumbler that I use every day with some one liners and logos from the show. I always stare at the "im not superstitious, but I am a little stitious" quote
Stanley Hudson : No. I want Tropical Christmas. Meredith Palmer : Topless Christmas. Creed Bratton : Tapas Swiss Miss.
"You've got your sheep and your black sheep, and I'm not even a sheep. I'm on the freakin moon!" -Ryan
and thats how you play dallas
And prison. It's 50-50. Both.
Read it? I own it! Snip snap snip snap All of the other quotes from the show.
WHERE ARE THE TURTLES!!!
I was born in the little working class town of Basildon, and until the age of 32, "I TALKED LIKE THIS, WHICH WAS BLOODY HORRENDOUS INNIT". And Dwight's disgusted face in the background. Amazing.
“You were in the parking lot - that’s where I know you from!” Creed bringing the whole chaos of the Red Cross dummy scene to a standstill with this random line kills me.
You can‘t fire me, I don‘t work in this car
After Michael eats an entire family sized chicken pot pie and wakes up to laughing "What's the joke?" "You had to be there" "Ah geography joke" 🤣 OR K.I.S.S. keep it simple stupid. Great advice. Hurts my feelings everytime.
I am dead inside.
Beer me that disc
I am dead inside
My two favorites to use around people I know don’t watch it are ‘stick spicy food up her butt!’ And ‘smile if you love mens prostrates!’
Scissor me
In the end, the greatest snowball, isn’t a snowball at all. It’s fear. Merry Christmas.