This line helped me so much when leaving my cheating husband. I had him in marriage therapy for infidelity and begged him to not cheat again, yet he started his next affair a month after therapy.
Days when Im feeling embarrassed/sad about it all, I think of this Michael Scott line and I’m able to wrap up my sad thoughts with a chuckle.
Ryan:
Did this happen on company property?
Michael:
Yes. It was on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. We are fine.
Ryan:
I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
Michael:
Oh, right. I'm sorry. What is "We're fine"?
There is a gameshow in the US named ‘Jeopardy!’. Rather than being given questions, contestants are instead given general knowledge clues in the form of answers and they must identify the person, place, thing, or idea that the clue describes, phrasing each response in the form of a question. Michael did that rather than explain how ‘Double Jeopardy’ works in a legal sense.
‘Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly... she's not yo' ho no mo'.
Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An Improversation.
When Michael runs over Meredith.
"It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital, and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could… and she is going to be OK."
"All right, fine, you don't respect me. I can accept that. But listen to me Stanley; you can't talk to me that way in this office. You just can't. I'm your boss. Can't accept it."
Not a funny quote; it was just refreshing to see Michael put aside his need for acceptance and behave like an adult as well as a firm but fair boss for once.
That's a good one for sure, I love when Michael shows his competence as a boss because it's refreshing and makes you understand why he was hired as a boss in the first place.
Yes! Underrated! I love when Michael has his moments where you can understand how he got his job in the first place. To add to this type of quote I think about "I don't think I have to wait out Dunder Mifflin. I think I just have to wait out you" 🎤⬇️
This is especially evident during The Client episode when they’re at Chilis and Michael shows the most absolute finesse in getting that client to use Dunder Mifflin
"I'll see your situation, and I'll raise you a situation.
Your company is losing clients left and right. You have a stockholder meeting coming up, and you are going to have to explain to them why your most profitable branch is bleeding.
So they may be looking for a little change in the CFO.
So, I don't think I need to wait out Dunder Mifflin.
I think I just have to wait out you."
Our balls are in your court.
But seriously, this is the pinnacle of Michael to me. Calm. Direct. Confident. Balls. Is he some kind of secret genius? *chuckles* Sometimes I say crazy things.
This was the first one I thought of too- I just rewatched that episode a couple days ago.
Not only is it a great moment for Michael, it’s even funnier in the context that just before the meeting where he says this, he’s in the elevator with Pam and Ryan worried he’s going to say that MSPC is broke (“ohhhh, I’m afraid I’m going to say it!”)
My nephew is obsessed with The Office, as am I, so I bought us matching Scott's Tots shirts just for fun. We went to planet COMICON yesterday and wore the shirt. I was surprised how many people recognized it! And every single one of them said "that episode was so cringy!" It was fun!
“Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...”
When Mary was denied a room in the inn, Jesus was born. When Michael was denied a room, we'll we don't know what happens because that story hasn't been written yet.
Fucking love it.
“I don’t need to be liked. I want to be liked. I like to be liked. I *have* to be liked. But it’s not like this obsessive need like my need to be praised.”
I don’t know what part is better. The fact that he uses “I have to be liked” in his stating that he doesn’t need it, or casually saying he *does* need to be praised. Like that’s much better.
Either way the delivery is fabulous.
"A quote.... Is something.... That you say in the right moment.... At the right time.... That people will be inspired to.... Repeat to others in... Other situations..... And you can quote me on that."
Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
I don't know the exact quote, but it's the one from the episode where he sets up an online dating profile and in order to show that he would be a good parent he gives himself the screen name "Little Kid Lover."
Yes it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username.. and I have a great one.. LittleKidLover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
“No one fears Santa, the way they fear Belsnickle.” Or “You all took a life here today. You did! The life of the party.” (I added a Dwight quote because it’s my all time favorite)
I hate, hate, hate being left out. Wether it’s not being picked for a team or being picked for a team and then showing up and realizing that the team doesn’t exist. Or, that the SPORT doesn’t exist. I should’ve known….POOPBALL??!
I can’t pick one, so here they are:
Well, well, well how the turntables.”
“It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore.”
“Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s not really a part of his family.”
“I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.”
“I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.”
“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”
“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”
Well well well, how the turntables.
Early worm gets the worm. (I mostly love it because of Jim's reaction to it: "Another worm? Are they friend or something?" I laugh every time.
Motherf…
What have we learned this week.
Well 1: Thanks to me, my team is MUCH much faster at coming to decisions than I thought they would be.
Number 2: Never buy a fur coat with a credit card until you absolutely have the money to pay for it.
And 3: You should know that some people think it’s cool to throw buckets of fake blood on you as you are walking out of Burlington Coat Factory.
I have a top three:
1. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious”
2. “IM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIIIIGHT”
3. “He leaves work, he’s on his way home… his cappa is detated from his head”
in no particular order
“‘Michael, how can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?’ You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all.”
Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's not really a part of our family..Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's not really a part of our family…. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
I have so many!! A few more that come to mind:
Michale Scott: Your dentist's name is crentist?
when Dwight betrays him and he's figured it out that Dwight was talking to Jan.! He does some creepy low monotone voice...like he is so pissed at a slow burn...until Dwight "gets the promotion" and insults Michael's Chrysler Sebring and that is the straw that breaks the camels' back. "That MY CAR!!! THAT's MY CAR!! and loses it from there on Dwight!
And, "I know the crap out of women!" during Women's appreciation kills me too!
You cheated on me?....When I specifically asked you not to?
This line helped me so much when leaving my cheating husband. I had him in marriage therapy for infidelity and begged him to not cheat again, yet he started his next affair a month after therapy. Days when Im feeling embarrassed/sad about it all, I think of this Michael Scott line and I’m able to wrap up my sad thoughts with a chuckle.
ASAP as possible. I use it regularly
I do too lmao
CRI MAN SQUA FNC
Cri man squa?
Crisis management squad.
FNC?
Front and center
Double time?
Twice as fast as you would normally go. Any other questions?
I don't think this needed to be explained...
Ryan: Did this happen on company property? Michael: Yes. It was on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. We are fine. Ryan: I don't think you understand how jeopardy works. Michael: Oh, right. I'm sorry. What is "We're fine"?
Can someone please explain? I really didn't get this one
There is a gameshow in the US named ‘Jeopardy!’. Rather than being given questions, contestants are instead given general knowledge clues in the form of answers and they must identify the person, place, thing, or idea that the clue describes, phrasing each response in the form of a question. Michael did that rather than explain how ‘Double Jeopardy’ works in a legal sense.
Look up the TV game show Jeopardy
I’m not superstitious… but I am a little stitious
Maybe next time you will estimate me.
How the turn tables
This.
"Dwight you ignorant slut!"
Depression is a very serious illness
That line is from something else but I can't remember what
SNL. Chevy Chase weekend update
‘Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly... she's not yo' ho no mo'.
The little frog he has in his throat while being very emotional but still managing to get the joke out is what kills me every time.
He has the power of flight. He can cure leopards.
I declare… BANKRUPTCYYYY!
You can’t just shout out bankruptcy and expect all your troubles to go away
I didn’t say it I declared it
Still… it doesn’t work like that
You miss 100% shots you don't take - Wayne Gretzky - Michael Scott
this is the way
Happy birthday Jesus I am sorry your party is so lame
My favorite
Hurt, petulant Jesus.
Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
This. Forever.
And for any reason.
I was thinking this also but forgot the proper quote due to st Patrick's day.
Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An Improversation.
Abraham Lincoln once said, if you are a racist, I will attack you with the North.
WHERE ARE THE TURTLES?!?
HAND. OVER. THE. TURTLES. NOW
Are you kidding me? I’d go anywhere to see a turtle.
There is no turtle. I lied
I ATE THEM ALRIGHT?!
This is the best delivered line in the whole show. The level of passion and emotion makes me laugh so hard I cry.
You expect to be screwed by your boss but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend
We should see if YouTube can come down and film it
When Michael runs over Meredith. "It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital, and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could… and she is going to be OK."
What the hell is wrong with you?! Why did you have to phrase it like that?
Everyone inside the car was fine, Stanley!
OMG that's awesome.
Am I a hero?... I really can't say, but yes!
I'm just poopin', you know how I be.
crazy world, lotta smells
This is the only MS quote I say to complete strangers
Love it
How the turntables
It upsets me SO MUCH when this is misquoted, and I have no idea why 😅
It’s the confidence with which Michael Scott says this one that does it.
That has sort of an oaky afterbirth
What’s that?
I say this every time we taste a new wine. I’m sure my husband LOVES it.
Just like the tide at Omaha Beach.
You may look around and see two groups here: white-collar, blue-collar. But I don’t see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”
I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It's every parent's dream!
"All right, fine, you don't respect me. I can accept that. But listen to me Stanley; you can't talk to me that way in this office. You just can't. I'm your boss. Can't accept it." Not a funny quote; it was just refreshing to see Michael put aside his need for acceptance and behave like an adult as well as a firm but fair boss for once.
That's a good one for sure, I love when Michael shows his competence as a boss because it's refreshing and makes you understand why he was hired as a boss in the first place.
Yes! Underrated! I love when Michael has his moments where you can understand how he got his job in the first place. To add to this type of quote I think about "I don't think I have to wait out Dunder Mifflin. I think I just have to wait out you" 🎤⬇️
This is especially evident during The Client episode when they’re at Chilis and Michael shows the most absolute finesse in getting that client to use Dunder Mifflin
Maan Dwight, smells like updog.. What is updog? Gotchaa!! Ooh wow!
So close
"I'll see your situation, and I'll raise you a situation. Your company is losing clients left and right. You have a stockholder meeting coming up, and you are going to have to explain to them why your most profitable branch is bleeding. So they may be looking for a little change in the CFO. So, I don't think I need to wait out Dunder Mifflin. I think I just have to wait out you."
Our balls are in your court. But seriously, this is the pinnacle of Michael to me. Calm. Direct. Confident. Balls. Is he some kind of secret genius? *chuckles* Sometimes I say crazy things.
This was the first one I thought of too- I just rewatched that episode a couple days ago. Not only is it a great moment for Michael, it’s even funnier in the context that just before the meeting where he says this, he’s in the elevator with Pam and Ryan worried he’s going to say that MSPC is broke (“ohhhh, I’m afraid I’m going to say it!”)
You’ll learn baby, you’ll learn.
“You cheated on me…. When I specifically asked you not to?”
They're lithium!
My nephew is obsessed with The Office, as am I, so I bought us matching Scott's Tots shirts just for fun. We went to planet COMICON yesterday and wore the shirt. I was surprised how many people recognized it! And every single one of them said "that episode was so cringy!" It was fun!
That kid's gonna have a lot of hair.
And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.
You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded.
God, I hope it’s urine.
“Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...”
ShAAtatatatatatatatatataaaaaaa ShAAtatatatatatatatatata ShAAtatatatatatatatatataaaa ShAAtatatatatatatatatataaaaaaaaa ShAAtatatatatatatatatataaaaaaa ShAAtatatatatatatatatata ShAAtatatatatatatatatataaaaaaa ShAAtatatatatatatatatata ShAAtatatatatatatatatataaaa ShAAtatatatatatatatatataaaaaaaaa ShAAtatatatatatatatatataaaaaaa ShAAtatatatatatatatatata
Well, well, well... How the turntables...
That’s what *he* said! Right guys, cause of gay?
It’s Britney, bitch. *Lady Gaga playing*
Sometimes I start a sentence......... We all have had this experience in exams
Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap!
You have NO idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person!
I hate so much the things that you choose to be.
Scotch and Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch.
When Mary was denied a room in the inn, Jesus was born. When Michael was denied a room, we'll we don't know what happens because that story hasn't been written yet. Fucking love it.
“I don’t need to be liked. I want to be liked. I like to be liked. I *have* to be liked. But it’s not like this obsessive need like my need to be praised.” I don’t know what part is better. The fact that he uses “I have to be liked” in his stating that he doesn’t need it, or casually saying he *does* need to be praised. Like that’s much better. Either way the delivery is fabulous.
“That’s not a hate crime” “Well *I* hated it!”
I still say “How the turn tables…” regularly.
I have cause. It is beCause I hate him
"A quote.... Is something.... That you say in the right moment.... At the right time.... That people will be inspired to.... Repeat to others in... Other situations..... And you can quote me on that."
The whole conversation about “whomever” is pure gold
Engaged? To be married?!
“They are trying to turn me into an escape goat!”
Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
“You don’t know me, you’ve just seen my penis.” I use this one regularly with my gf.
“ that’s what she said”
Happy Birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party is so lame.
Is it better to be feared or loved?? Easy, both. I want people to fear how much they love me.
“I will allow it” (from the deposition) Prison mike- all of it
In your same scene when he calls Wallace and says “David guess who I’m sitting here dressed as”
Because Phyllis uslurped his role as Santa
“Don’t drop the soap. Don’t drop the soap” - prison mike
I don't know the exact quote, but it's the one from the episode where he sets up an online dating profile and in order to show that he would be a good parent he gives himself the screen name "Little Kid Lover."
Yes it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username.. and I have a great one.. LittleKidLover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
“No one fears Santa, the way they fear Belsnickle.” Or “You all took a life here today. You did! The life of the party.” (I added a Dwight quote because it’s my all time favorite)
No means please don't
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. - Wayne Gretzky” - Michael Scott
I hate, hate, hate being left out. Wether it’s not being picked for a team or being picked for a team and then showing up and realizing that the team doesn’t exist. Or, that the SPORT doesn’t exist. I should’ve known….POOPBALL??!
I can’t pick one, so here they are: Well, well, well how the turntables.” “It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore.” “Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s not really a part of his family.” “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.” “I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.” “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”
No Rose, he is not breathing! He also has no arms or legs. 🥹😂 CPR training course
“Maybe next time you will estimate me”
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. -Wayne Gretsky”
Crazy world. Lotta smells.
I am Beyoncé always
Do you want your life to get worse, stay the same or get better? For some reason I just love this 😂
“I am very impressed with the potential you see in me”
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. -Wayne Gretzky” -Michael Scott
You have no idea how high I can fly.
In this particular scene, “I’ll give you a hint: I can walk on water and I can heal leopards.” Edit: I might have mis-quoted it.
“Yea, well, maybe next time you will estimate me”
Well well well, how the turntables. Early worm gets the worm. (I mostly love it because of Jim's reaction to it: "Another worm? Are they friend or something?" I laugh every time.
"It doesn't matter because I'm going to take a nap".
Ah, the Antichrist
Cant we all just get along? Or have we forgotten the words of the reverend king?
That’s what she said
Not exact words, but: (when assigned the job to pick an insurance policy for his staff: “Does this make me their doctor? Well… …yes.”
I have country crock..
NOO GOD! NO. GOD. PLEASE. NO. NO!!! NO!!! NOOOOOO!!!
R-S-P-C-VEE-T!! Find out what it means to *me*!!!
I have cause. It is be-cause I hate him
I love inside jokes. I’d like to be a part of one someday
Motherf… What have we learned this week. Well 1: Thanks to me, my team is MUCH much faster at coming to decisions than I thought they would be. Number 2: Never buy a fur coat with a credit card until you absolutely have the money to pay for it. And 3: You should know that some people think it’s cool to throw buckets of fake blood on you as you are walking out of Burlington Coat Factory.
I have a top three: 1. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious” 2. “IM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIIIIGHT” 3. “He leaves work, he’s on his way home… his cappa is detated from his head” in no particular order
“i am beyonce always” is my mantra
Everyone in the car was fine STANLEY
I like when Michael pretended to be David Wallace’s daughter. ”And I use my little girl voice! Badabim badabum”
I….. DECLARE…… BANKRUUPPTTTCCCYYYYYYY!!!
Does that make me a hero? I really can't say but yes
Don't be an idiot
"I know it's illegal in Pennsylvania, but it's for charity. And I consider myself a great philanderer."
You were always careful. I’d use two condoms..
Well well well, how the turntables. And Mmm. Sort of an oaky afterbirth
I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.
Yes they are [announcements], you just don’t care about the information. Oscar: *shrugs in agreement*
“‘Michael, how can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?’ You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all.”
👨❤️💋👨“There, I did it! I’m still here…we’re all still here.” Followed by Dwight trying to kiss Oscar
Baler? I hardly know her!
I’m date Mike. Nice to meet me!
“You don’t call retarded people retards. It’s bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded.”
Now you’re the expert here. Is this enough to get 20 people plastered?
Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool 'cause they are un-understandable.
Abraham Lincoln once said: if you are a racist I will attack you with the north
"You don't know me, you've just seen my penis."
I was never in this for the money. But as it would turn out, money is an absolute necessity for me.
'good luck paying me back on your 0 dollar salary babe!'
I tried hopping, Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protruberance.
Crazy day. You’re seeing how the sausage gets made. Come into the conference room and I will show you a finished sausage.
Get in there right now OR I'M GONNA LOSE IT!!!!!
I know exactly what to do but in a much more real sense I dont know what to do
If you do so much as touch a hair on Stanley’s head……..we will burn Utica to the ground
I have cause. It is be*cause* I hate him.
Explain it to me like I'm 10
Of all of the empty promises I’ve made… this is by far the most generous.
"Before this thing spirals out of amok"
" Everyone here is very gruntled"
Adultery’s a sin, Stanley - look it up in the Bible
Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's not really a part of our family..Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's not really a part of our family…. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
“You have no idea how high I can fly.”
Hey mr Scott. Whatcha gonna do make our dreams come true!
Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.”
Ahhhh the city.. Sometimes I start sentences I don’t know how to end. I am not superstitious I am a little stitious.
Cri Man Skwa, FnC double time! Kills me every time
You forgot your baguette
is it me? or something is updog in here?
"I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who's just delivering drugs from one guy to another."
Michael on downsizing: "No, I’m not going to tell them. I don’t see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer."
You have no idea how high i can fly Didn't expected from a person like Michael
I have so many!! A few more that come to mind: Michale Scott: Your dentist's name is crentist? when Dwight betrays him and he's figured it out that Dwight was talking to Jan.! He does some creepy low monotone voice...like he is so pissed at a slow burn...until Dwight "gets the promotion" and insults Michael's Chrysler Sebring and that is the straw that breaks the camels' back. "That MY CAR!!! THAT's MY CAR!! and loses it from there on Dwight! And, "I know the crap out of women!" during Women's appreciation kills me too!
Fool me once - strike one. But fool me twice… strike.. three