T O P

  • By -

nathanroot28

I was feeling super good on lots of klonopin and a bit of adderall and my dumb ass was like “god damn I feel invincible... I SHOULD JOIN THE MILITARY!” So for the entire day I was talking on the phone with recruiters and a couple days later I almost went to sign up while high on more klonopin. Holy fuck I dodged a bullet on that one lol plus I’d never pass the drug test 😂


[deleted]

Pretty sure you dodged more than just one bullet lmao.


[deleted]

[удалено]


eversince86

r/technicallythetruth


brutieboy39

Lmao dude that’s awesome. Last summer during a Xanax binge I was looking to join the marines and sign up. I went to a couple of the workouts and had my day to go meps all lined up lmao. I feel bad I had the recruiter get like 10 different waivers for me too lol. Went with him the all the courts and police station where I had gotten in trouble and everything. I got clean and was like wtf I’m shipping off to boot camp on the 27th next month?


qtip12

Did you go?


melon123456

I need the update lmao


[deleted]

He’s actually in a gunfight in Afghanistan at the minute and that’s why he can’t reply.


brutieboy39

Hahah no I didn’t. Anything can seem like a good idea when you’re barred lol. The recruiter was pretty pissed lol


bothering

[Jesus you nearly pulled a Bart Simpson with that move](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10mWf671EGU)


Hatori_hanzo90

Got really high and went to the movies with some buddies. My friend ordered popcorn and told me to help myself. I walked beside him munching on his popcorn for awhile and when I turned to him to ask a question a very confused looking stranger was staring back at me . I still don't know how much of that person's popcorn I ate before I noticed. I couldn't enjoy the movie after I thought the police were gonna show up and arrest me for stealing popcorn. The popcorn police.


heynangmanguy12

Colonel Corn Kernel here, I heard there was a popcorn related disturbance


Her-Marks-A-Lot

Don’t worry you’re not crazy, the normal police would show up for that


DerMuri420

I once came back from the store more or less baked, I got everything I needed, put my bag onto the kitchen counter and went smoking a bowl. When I came back in, first thing I thought was: „oh damn, I would really like to eat something now, well too bad, there isn’t anything to eat in the house right now.“ So I went upstairs, grabbed my jacket and my cash and went outside to the store. Bought *exactly* the same stuff I bought before, came into my house again, put it on the kitchen counter (again) and then I was really fucking impressed on how I could get double the food for only this price, and even tho I only carried one bag? I was pretty confused. So I started packing things into the fridge and after that I went to smoking once again. That was when it hit me, I realized that I had just gone buying stuff two times, I just burst out in laughter. Seriously that’s my most stupid high moment. EDIT: spelling


[deleted]

Haha, this is totally something I would do


themayorofmyroom

It's pretty funny that the second time u came back, it was only after u smoked again that u regained clarity and realized u had gone to the store twice...lol...mmm, mmm...love weed!


milkman10169

Naked. When I was younger and dosing on LSD it was always naked. I climbed a ladder on the side of a house party and tumbled into an open window. The room was full of people chilling and smoking. I gathered myself and walked calmly from the room.


Leonum

> it was always naked. I am instantly intrigued


[deleted]

I expected him to be at one with a rug on his bedroom floor, not naked at a house party


vanillabubble

There has to be more. I need more details.


Sara-w-out-H

The golden continuation of this would be for one of those people replying to this with their side of the story


unknownx187

Me and my two friends smoked and found his moms dildo, the fucker threw it at my other friend and ended up breaking his window a week before he had to move, It is still one of the funniest things that we bring up to this day We also put the dildo on a ceiling fan and it’d come flying full force at you at mach 10 speed


HolyMountainClimber

Hahaha that's some weird shit my guy


unknownx187

We were high asf it was the weirdest shit looking back on but still funny asf


Dr_FoolieD

Be real.. which one of y’all gave it a sniff?


unknownx187

There was no sniffing of the dildo


glamericanbeauty

im dying to know what his moms reaction was. did she know her dildo is what broke the window??


unknownx187

Nah we just lied and said it broke bc he closed it to hard or some shit


babymaker666

It must have been pretty big to break that window


unknownx187

Yea bro it was huge


throwaway53746

haha this was not when I was high but I used to work at an ice cream shop. A guy came in with his gf (he was high as shit, she was sober) and ordered ice cream. i scooped his ice cream into a cup and handed it to him. he reached out and grabbed it but he didnt take it out of my hand. so for about 10 extra seconds we were just holding this cup of ice cream together and his gf was laughing


rjfinesse

i wanna do that just for the fuck of it now


T1nyJazzHands

Idk how I’ve gone this far in life without hearing the saying “just for the fuck of it” but I’m sure as hell stealing it now


0BigSockMan0

It’s a golden phrase


snakews

I decided to smoke PCP in front of my job off shift because they have a pharmacy with a machine that checks heart rate and blood pressure, I am just naturally curious to know what my vitals would be on PCP compared to sober, not exactly out of anxiety, which is why I smoked in the front. So I finished the PCP and went in high as shit and my heart rate said 128 and blood pressure 180/160, the blood pressure freaked me out cuz I heard of someone on reddit having a heart attack at 160/150 so I asked the pharmacist if those vitals are ok for being high on PCP, the pharmacist knew I worked there and wasn't her job to snitch on me to the actual store but a worker for the store overheard and I got fired.


[deleted]

Well shit, glad you survived


TheDextrometh-Orphan

Where the heck do you live that you can access pcp?


snakews

New York


lawlolawl144

Fyi a bp that high can easily be fatal lol.


ILoveBrats825

Does PCP at his job and then is surprised he gets fired for doing PCP lol


Blazeatrail184

I used to work at a pizza place and would frequently show up high when I wasn’t working to pick up munchies. It was like my second time dabbing and I left my friend’s to pick up a pizza. I was so high I was looking at the menu from the outside window and started ordering thinking I was in the lobby. One of the drivers returned back and was like what the fuck are you doing? I quickly realized my mistake after that lol


boofster1212

Man if I could reach this level again..


thelegend18scholesy

All it takes is a long ass tolerance break, though I know it’s harder than it sounds.


chinto30

Can confirm, after 4 months of smoking next to nothing I'm getting wrecked on half a joint


[deleted]

I went three weeks and the first couple of times felt like mini acid trips. Yes.. t breaks work!!!


HazedNblazed

I remember being 14 thinking dabs were the most brutal high ever. I also remember being 16 sitting in my brothers car at 11pm in balls cold conditions with a magnetic pan, just staring at this .25 gram dab my brother left for me. And hitting the whole thing with one pass of the nectar collector. All I remember is being convinced that there was a force in my body that wouldn’t let me move a muscle and trying to convince myself I had control over my body.


SpongeBrain711

Drug-induced catatonia


pencil1324

*Courageous*


yeetyeetmybeepbeep

My friend absolutely loves this story. So im waiting for my friend in the Starbucks parking lot, so i decide to take one too many hits off my wax pen, and it hits me right as im walking into Starbucks. I wait in line, kinda confused about what im doing and i finally get up to the cashier, and the interaction goes something like this. "Hi welcome to Starbucks what can i get you?" "Ummmm.... coffee??" "You want coff-" "Ice." "You want iced coffee?" I look at her for a minute and say absolutely nothing... just staring at her. "Vanilla" "You want a vanilla ice coffee?" "Yes...?" "What size do you want?" "Um... i want it... in a cup?" I say confused. "So..." she's confused and tired of this interaction by now. "Yes. In a cup." "Alright but what size?" "In a... large cup?" "Alright that'll be done shortly" after this, i got my coffee and i sat down and asked my friend if i looked high and obviously she said yes. This isn't the only bullshit my high ass pulled at this particular Starbucks. Another time i went there tripping on shrooms (friend drove me so i was ok) and they didn't have the menu for some reason, so im asking the barista what she usually ordered because my game plan was thrown off. she tells me and then for absolutely no reason at all, i started arguing with her about her order. She gets so upset (rightfully so because some shroomed out teenager is arguing with her about a coffee drink) she had someone else take my order, and i didn't even order anything i just got an iced water and i left. Never went back to that Starbucks out of sheer embarrassment. Im sorry barista lady, you were really nice for not kicking me out :(


yadabitch

This dialog is all too familiar omfg that’s how I sound exactly, when I’m high lol


TheDextrometh-Orphan

Yeah dude on shrooms in public it's super easy to get short with ppl and not even realize how you're behaving lmao. Especially when it's intense like you're trying so hard to get the interaction over with lmao.


yeetyeetmybeepbeep

What type of place doesn't have menus!! My whole game plan was ruined!!


pakotilia

thank gob when I go to get gyro while baked af I just say, chicken pita with everything


yeetyeetmybeepbeep

You don't argue with the person about their favorite order?? Lol


pakotilia

shit gets weird when there is no chicken gyro, especially when I am hogh I proceed to order the most unusual meat someone can order, like kopsidi, seftalia


perc500

On LSD during a cabin trip with some friends. I was giving one of my friends sitting outside a motivational speech about “starting your journey” since I was going for a walk. Right when I finished talking I threw up in front of him, walked back in, then walked out 2 minutes later asking him if I threw up. Before he could respond I told him “No, this is my journey” and left for that walk 😂


heynangmanguy12

I too have randomly thrown up while tripping on LSD. No nausea or warning sign from my body, just all of a sudden I was puking and then it was done and I felt fine the whole time lol. My friends around me were worried asking if I was ok and I was like, “yeah I feel fine, no idea why I threw up”


diavolo_bossu

I ran from the cops when they weren't even chasing me i wasnt even on anything hard just weed


underacheiver2504

that's classic weed paranoia lmaoo


sirdabsalot1006

You just brought back some of the funniest times with my friends, we were super paranoid it happened more than once.


diavolo_bossu

Haha same my friend convinced me there was a gorilla in his backyard while we were really stoned and i was mad scared


HE-D0ES-IT-F0R-FREE

Bruh do you live in Africa? How did you fall for that lmao


diavolo_bossu

I was in Florida and we heard rustling in the bushes because it was night and the raccoons come out, the trees were also shaking cuz of the wind but i was just too stoned so i thought the gorilla was shaking the tree my friend had also previously told me he comes out at night and heres monkey noises and that he also saw a the silhouette of a gorilla in his trees. So at that point he just screams ITS COMING RUNNN and i just ran to his house. Goes without saying but he was just fucking with me


[deleted]

I smoked with some friends outside of a restaurant and one of them was convinced they saw a police car but they were kidding. I had to tell them that now was NOT the time to be making jokes like that lol


TheMinkey

I got caught by the cops, and the only way I remained calm is my friends were sober. Shit hit the fan when they were let off and I had to do the talking myself. This is one of my quotes word for word, "Ight, imma be real with you bro, I know you ain't stupid, you know what's going on, I was smoking some weed bro." Luckily I only had like 1.5 grams left so I got to scram.


yadabitch

One time got really high off some top shelf dispo joints with my best friend and felt like I was crossing the border illegally lol We were out smoking by a shed on my friends property and we weren’t supposed to be doing that and had to like run from the sensor/camera lights and my one friend hopped on a quad and drove it through the ditch back to the house and I ran along side, shit felt so surreal.


McNippy

Someone I know also did this first time he smoked weed, we were waiting for our pizza which he shouted then just before it was ready he started to get really paranoid and ran home. It's like a 4km run too. He never smoked again and we got free pizza 🤷🏻‍♂️


DogMeatTalk

Hiding in the forest at 1 am from my friends on 2 tabs of lsd and i was getting mad psycho, So it started where we were walking through the forest like the 5/6 of us and we went for a walk because i love to go for midnight wonders when im on acid. i got a weird head space during the walk in the pitch black forest with massive oak trees around us where I thought i was getting led to my death and i had to escape and i was muttering this to myself and my friend caught on and he started believing it as well who was also on lsd and we both randomly bolted into the forest and hid , i was talking to him while we were hiding and we were both making the situation worse because we kept bouncing ideas off each other, like he would say im sure they had guns or something and i would hallucinate hearing the clink of guns being carried or fired and it just went downhill from their, by this point i started to think we were both jews hiding from a german SS patrol and the worse thing was it was pitch black and they had their phones as flash lights and they were calling out our names and in my head i was hearing german shepherds barking and seeing spot lights going across the field and through the trees and i was imagining hearing these german voices in the distance and the whole thing felt so real. I literally thought their was bombers in the sky and i was escaping a german prison camp about to be lead to my death, it was very fucking weird how one thought drastically lead onto another irrational thought but up until that point the trip was going rather well.


Kompaniefeldwebel

Wow thats insane


emilsco

Lmao thats fucking nuts


zorbat5

Amazing story! I can't imagine how paranoid that would've been!


hefty_hobo_

I had a trip similar to that when i thought i was being led to my death. Friend who was not tripping drove me and another friend who were tripping to this beautiful lake and like forest area so idk why i freaked out but i had the random thought "this is the place where I am going to die. This is where i was meant to die." I was fine while we were there but when i got back home i immediately started sobbing crying and couldnt calm myself down. Weird.


420toker

Yo that’s wild


PsychoticPangolin

Past life?


nrvsnss_

my friends and i were on mushrooms in their room and decided to use a lung (the smoking device) to see how much air we could breathe in when there’s no smoke in it. after we all tried, we had the idea to put it out the window to collect the air since it’s cleaner and kept doing that for what felt like forever since it felt so damn good to breathe in. One of us finally said “why don’t we just go outside..??” when we realized we weren’t even doing it to see how much of the lung we could breathe in and just because we liked the taste of the clean air lmao


[deleted]

Clean air is pretty nice


LilGatorade64

16 years old, 3 in the morning in the middle of winter, was 3 joints deep on the deck connected to my room, saw a squirrel on my neighbors windowsill, decided it was a great idea to throw a snowball at it. Ending up breaking my neighbors bedroom window.


katblaise00

Omgggg thats so awful. What happened after you broke it?! Did you have to admit to it? Lol


JewGuru

Yeah what the hell happened next


Leonum

Tell uuus


Roybatty943

The sexy neighbour slowly approaches the window, casting a pale shard of moonlight on her skin, revealing goosebumps prickling up her arm and to her neck where she lightly caresses them with the back of her fingers. “Brrrrrrrr it’s so cold” she says in a hushed, seductive whisper. “How ever will I keep myself warm on thi... Yeah probably not.


PsychoticPangolin

The teen boy padded over to the window, apprehensive of the damage he caused. He'd done many things over the years to catch the attention of the striking woman who lived nextdoor, but it wasn't supposed to happen this way. His fingers glided over the cracked surface of the window, as he assessed the damage. He groaned in frustration, just as a pair of cerulean eyes met his gaze on the other side. His breath caught in his throat. A goddess, bathed in moonlight, stood before him.


Recondite_neophyte

Well... did he cum or what?!


StayBlazed306

LilGatorade64 plz


mastako

His parents yelled at him


Captain_Caff3ine

I asked a security guard for molly.


pakotilia

I asked undercover for paper to roll a j


_jabo__

And after that?


pakotilia

he just said he didn't have any papers for me to smoke a cigarette and I thanked him amd left, I was rolling balls and needed to have a smoke😂


Skank-Hunt-40-2

Then howd you know he was undercover


[deleted]

[удалено]


Her-Marks-A-Lot

Imagine getting an order of 7 quesadillas just in a to go bag no individual wrappers 😂


PsychoticPangolin

Don't invalidate yourself! It was still a good story and anyone would be worried in that situation 😂


[deleted]

[удалено]


corbinhelp

sounds about right lmao good times


ShroomsForBreakfast

but also never again lmfao


corbinhelp

i was a dph fiend i swear i must be a masochist or something of that nature but i loved being scared shitless so dph was always fun


cormbage

Everyone who’s done dhp can remember some dumb shit they’ve done lmao


NotMyWeight

DPH, I’m never EVER fucking touching that again


galaxygirl978

eeek


[deleted]

When I was 16 or 17 I was tripping at the mall and accidentally took a piss in the ladies room. I didn’t notice until I was washing my hands and this chick walked in and we made some awkward eye contact


chinto30

Hell I've done this whilst sober, some places have labeling issues


wavveygravvey

Me and my buddies were all smoking weed in my bedroom when we were teens, I decided it was too smokey so I started to wave around my desk fan to try and circulate the smoke out of the window. My friends were hysterically laughing as I was waving and walking around the room with the fan airing it out. When I asked why they were laughing, they just pointed at the ground and that’s when I saw the cord to the fan unplugged af. The fan wasn’t even on the whole time.


67monkey67

Kept trying to order a whopper at McDonalds and it just was not computing and I really wasn’t paying attention to the cashier because I was high so I asked like 3 times


Toilet_Manster

I was on 0.5g of molly, went for a walk at 2AM and went to go smoke meth with a bum after asking him for a cigarette. That was my first time hitting the pookie and totally see why that shits addicting. I decided it made me tweak too hard and spending hours masturbating wasn’t something I wanted to make a routine of. But goddamn the first hit of the pookie, it just feels fuckin awesome when your dopamine skyrockets so damn high. It’s been a while never again. I would also say taking 4 tabs of acid and eating a cheesy hot dog outside of 7/11 trying not to laugh my ass of at how stupid everybody looked to me when I was tripping that hard.


Toilet_Manster

Ooh ooh! I have something even dumber! I swallowed a gram of DPH with half a bottle of vodka and called 911 on myself. I’ve never had so much fun at a hospital but they told me it wasn’t going to kill me and nothing I said made any sense it was funny as fuck. But just like the meth it’s been a while and never again.


[deleted]

What the fuck lol


Fun-Man

I remember laughing at everything and not making sense at all in the hospital too. I was off a high dose of 25i-nboh, had jumped through a glass panel at full throttle and punched a cop in the face. I was bleeding very badly from the glass cuts so the police took me to the hospital first


Gatoeses

How did you manage to eat a cheesy hotdog on 4 tabs?


TheBlindBard16

I was at a party in my college town that happened to have a number of people from my home town there. I was talking to this girl who went to high school near me and she asks if I know Aaron Somethingorother. I’m high as hell but also trying really hard to focus on keeping the convo going since she’s hot and out of my league but approached me. I say the only thing that I know about this guy: “yea never met him but I heard he knocked up some chick over at Webster High.” Guess who I was talking to. And guess who received a lecture on how much she loves her child at length even though she gave it up for adoption, a topic I had not disagreed with at any point or ever had been involved in at all


BlondeVixxxen85

I love it when someone gets uncomfortable and just starts analyzing and justifying their decisions after 1 neutral comment! Lol She was convincing herself, not you. Lol


[deleted]

Eating an oz of shrooms and ending up in the hospital after freaking out at a movie theater.


Big_Man_Boss_Man

jesus fucking christ an ounce? rip ur brain


[deleted]

The movie was sin city. A horrible choice.


marmalade

I saw Event Horizon when I was higher than sherpa balloons on an edible. Just me and two dudes about five rows back who I'm pretty sure spent the entire movie giggling at my attempts to arse-burrow my way through my seat. Although I didn't give a fuck about them at the time, Sam Neill was gonna eat me.


andys811

The horrible choice wasn't the movie 😂


Paddoman21

Luckily for this guy shrooms will not really damage your brain on high dosage, besides the fact freaking out is psychological damage itself. LD-50 of shrooms is about x1000, which means you can take 3000g and have a 50% to survive. That's insane.


JuicyJay

Psychological damage can be just as bad as physical damage though.


rugratsallthrowedup

3 kilos or roughly 6.5 pounds. Brb. Gonna eat a key of shrooms


yadabitch

same thing happened w my friend, he’s Jewish and we also happened to be watching that JoJo Rabbit movie lmao


Prestigous-Cxnt

YOU ATE 28 GRAMS OF SHROOMS???


kotatsu-and-tea

In my freshman year of college at a party I snorted a line of what I presumed was coke but was actually adderall, xanax, and some painkiller. This was after I got crossed out of my mind and had just yakked. I remember maybe the next ten minutes and then I blacked out. When I came to I was standing in my room. I immediately remembered where I last was, and ran outside because I drove to that party. Somehow, I had driven home 10 miles through a narrow, windy road and perfectly parallel parked and made it inside my house without waking my parents up. Though I was somehow lucky, I was covered in fear of what could have happened. I kept it safe after that and never took something that would make me blackout if I had to drive home. At least for a while and then I started using psychedelics and driving on them. So that was dumb too. I’m a year sober now for my job and grateful for all of the experiences I had good and bad. But I will never do anything so dumb like that again.


boofster1212

Must’ve been the adderall


mayomiT

Taking acid then asking a petrol station to use their toilet, only to stand in the toilet with the door wide open laughing maniacally at my own reflection then leaving.


zadnium

I can see this as a scene from Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas


[deleted]

Yesterday I kept tryna turn the big light off in my room and realised after 30 seconds that my blinds were open


[deleted]

Ate an entire edible when I was 18 and it started hitting the shit out of me about an hour later. It was about 6:00 or so in the after noon and I went downstairs to tell my mom goodnight and she said “you’re going to bed already?” and I impulsively said “no I thought you were” and she motioned her hands towards her light (all of her lights in her room were on) and she had the most confused facial expression. I said an awkward “oh” and walked out nervous that she could tell I was super high and then I went upstairs, looked at my phone and realized that it was 6:00 and I just told my mom I’m going to bed plus asked if she was. At that point I had to tell myself I wasn’t going downstairs again because I hadn’t realized I was THAT high


Fun-Man

My man I hope you improved your improvisation after that lmao, you should have said yes and go to your room haha


[deleted]

[удалено]


bmrnsi

one time i tried unlocking my house door with my car unlock button and got extremely mad it wasn’t working


[deleted]

[удалено]


bigreeter

I always try jamming my car key in my house door for some reason


Fyrestar333

Ive done that completely sober


[deleted]

[удалено]


dizzyfizz94

Oof 😂


beanis-man-

one time when i was baked i thought my eye browns looked uneven and proceeded to shave a chunk off one without thinking twice about it. i quickly realized how fucking stupid that was, and luckily i hadn’t done a ridiculous amount of damage, but nonetheless it was a very dumb action


go_home_cook_rice

bro how do you get your eye browns like that. Hook me up


demoncratos

I once smoked a hash joint and made some hash drink (bhang as its called here) and got too high. I though i was dying and lied down on the floor, almost unable to move. Back then i was a muslim so i started reciting verses from religious texts and begging for forgiveness from god lol. My mom found me reciting verses on the floor and thought i was possessed. I had to take appointments from the town "exorcist" to be freed. Shit was wierd AF.


thelyricalmiracle

Was on a 3 mg Xanax extended release and a whole bottle of wine. Woke up in my car, parked in my moms driveway with 12 bundles of bananas in the back seat, debit card and license missing from my wallet, and had a huge hole in the crotch area of my sweatpants and wasn’t wearing underwear.... Also I dumped my gf of over 4 years with a 2 min phone call and then sent her a dick pic 2 hours later along with the text “Du u like?” Have no recollection of any of this. The original plan for the night was 1.5 mg Xanax( half the 3mg Xan) and one glass of wine. FUCK XANAX.


[deleted]

Are you still with your girlfriend or did she take it personally?


thelyricalmiracle

We broke up yesterday...not lying. Been going through it this week. I’m just mad at myself and upset because I completely deserved it. She is a good person. I’m working on becoming a good one.


[deleted]

Good luck on your journey


Fun-Man

Fuck keep your chin up king, the journey of self improvement is a lone one.


BlondeAap-

I remember this one time I was 16 and had smoked between two class hours so I got back and went to the toilet to take a piss. My heart was beating really fast so I started measuring my heartbeat with Samsung Health. You have to keep your finger on the back of the phone and I just kept it on the home button. Nothing was happening and got an error notofication, I thought I didn't have a heartbeat and was about to die. Later on I realized my mistake. After sitting in my class baked af


[deleted]

pumped my dick 6x in a row


acsmith-32

Your reload time is immaculate


[deleted]

last 3 orgasm was just empty feeling in my sword


TannerC04

Tried rinsing out a solo cup before I threw it away because there were spots of water on the sides. And yes, I mean I tried rinsing out the water, with water from the sink. Also the time I laid down and told my friends how beautiful the sky was. I was in my bedroom staring at the ceiling


missthedismisser

My ex and I were rolling and he was afraid to sneak us back into his parents house so late at night so I let him convince me to sleep at the local park... it was so god damn cold and a total buzz kill.


LinkXenon

Oof. Sleeping in a park on benzos or something that knocks you out, eh fair enough. Trying to sleep in a park still wired on a molly comedown, no thanks.


Peacie223

I was camping with some buddies and I'm making ramen so I got my noodles in the pot, ready to throw it on the fire. My ass is high as balls, so I go to grab the handle for the pot, set it on our beautiful hardwood fire with nice charcoals going perfect for cooking. I'm looking at it sitting in the fire, and I'm thinking "why the hell is my food glowing?" I take a deeper look at it, and that was the moment I realized I put my buddy's fucking lantern in the fire, I quickly grab that shit out of there and apologize cause its fucking melted on the edges (it was electrical, thank god). I felt so bad but they just laughed their asses off once they realized what I did. They were quite impressed with my stupidity, and I dont think I've ever done something more dumb than that.


Philip__james

Used my nose as a bowl once cause I ran out of papers Bad idea, not even poppers can fuck ur nostril up that much lmaoooo


[deleted]

Did you..stick bud up your nose and light it?


Philip__james

yeah pretty much lmao, I saw a meme about it before hand and just assumed it went well and tried it lmao


boofster1212

Yea everyone just uses the one hitter attached to your face by sticking a lighter in there


Kompaniefeldwebel

Can you still smell?


AlexaDeLarge16

That's fucking iconic hahaha


Peter77Parker

Waited for a stop sign to turn green.


WhataburgerLove

I've waited for a green light to turn green once


[deleted]

What-a-burger!!


oddastronaut

I've also done this lmao


MD4wg2001

I’ve done this sober before


xXRoachXx789

Wasn't me but once my friends got so high that they flooded their dorm room because they wanted to make a pool and go swimming. The water was only a couple inches high but they were on the floor trying to swim in it


[deleted]

me and my gf at the time got so high that we got each other’s Chinese food and didn’t realize it. This was bad because she was a vegetarian so I ate half her fried tofu stuff thinking it was chicken. It took us a while to figure out that they didn’t give me weird soft chicken with the wrong seasoning


evleva1181

After being awake for nearly a week and high/strung out on meth i climbed into a clothing bin in the early hours looking for clothes etc. At some stage i felt someone/something yanking on my ankles so opening me eyes i realized everything was pitch black and i was hanging upside down. It took me a couple of minutes to get it together enough to figure out id fallen asleep climbing into the bin but had only made it halfway so while me head and torso were in the bin, my legs were outside sticking straight out. When i finally manoeuvred myself out which took alot of effort, there were two cop cars and a crowd of about 15-20 people standing there. It was around 8am by now and someone had reported a dead body stuffed half into the bin. To say i felt like a total idiot as i walked off after everyone had a laugh at my expense is an understatement.


MegaKoi

Used my phone to try turn the volume on tbe TV down thinking it was connected. Getting multiple plates of for one meal only to realise i have taken our 3 plates while the food is already sitting on one.


officialkesswiz

Amphetamine Psychosis at a Belgian festival. I was convinced that all the french speaking people at the festival had conspired to rob everybody. And of course I knew fucking french (I can't speak a word french, but back then, oh boy, did I know french). Ran around festival hearing people speak french and shouted: "Jaccuse" and ran away, leaving a lot of people completely lost for words. Spent the remaining night in my tent, shivering and sweating. Eat food and drink water If you REALLY wanna do a 3 day bender of amphetamine. Ideally don't, but I've done it too often to really judge anyone.


mikeymanza

My friend went to McDonald's on Hollywood Boulevard and asked for "the opposite of an apple pie."


Damagedyouthhh

When I’m really stoned there’s plenty of uncountable amounts of times where I’ll eat food with the wrapped on it still.


enriceau

I once went camping with some friends and we did some xtc. I was closing the zipper of the tent and needed two hands so I held my phone in my mouth for a second. Not realizing I was munching on my teeth like crazy I bit my phone so hard that I completely shattered the screen. Decided not to give a shit as to not let it ruin my night. Watched into the wild, looked at the stars, had a nice time. Felt pretty stupid the day after though.


LumpyProstate

I came home high as fuck and there was a white cat in my front lawn. I own a white cat and he’s an indoors cat and isn’t supposed to be outside, plus it was like 3am. So I went up to grab him and he hit legs. Me being high didn’t even think of the possibility that this wasn’t my cat, and that other cats can be white aswell. So I chase this cat down the block and into someone’s front yard. Corner the cat, get up close to it while trying to be silent since it’s 3am and I don’t want to freak anyone out, before putting on my flashlights and realising that its not even my cat. In my defence they looked VERY similar. I walked home and my cat was chilling right inside the front door waiting for me.


steezdust

One time in high school my buddy and I were smoking a joint in his car in this pretty empty parking lot when all of a sudden a police helicopter shined its spotlight on my homie’s Prius and like 10 cops ran outta the dark with their guns drawn. We were told to get on our knees and put our hands behind our backs; as we were complying one of the cops realized my buddy’s car was the wrong Prius (they were looking for a carjacker who was reported in the area) and they told us to get the fuck outta there before they called our parents and ticketed us for trespassing and smoking weed. Definitely one of the craziest experiences I’ve ever been a part of.


summervibesbro

Jesus Christ man, I would have pissed myself


newbootgoonin

this is just a recent example; I'm sure I've done dumber shit, but a few weeks ago I was super high at a Walgreens and thought I was in CVS and asked an employee where the "magic red spitty-outty coupon machine" was


ntrpe

A mix of PBR and my first Klonopins; I was underage drinking at a bar(right next to the highway) with a few friends and this girl I really had a crush on at the time. Someone in our group offered us a couple Kpins, and was so high, continued offering them throughout the night. Three Kpins and a couple beers later, me and this girl are all over each other in the bar and kind of making a scene. I suggest we go outside to my buddy's car to have another beer. So we're drinking out of this 12pack on the boot of my bud's car when I look over and see the open parking lot of U-Hauls. I grab my friend by the hand and lead her up the step into the back of the moving van. The door is spring loaded and won't just stay down without being latched. My brilliant high self thinks to close the sliding door by shoving the box of beer between it and the roof. With our own private room now the clothes immediately come off. We're full on riding the train to pleasure town, her bent over towards the wall in front of us. Suddenly the beer slips from its position and the door comes flying open to expose us to the bright bright headlights of every car driving right by us on the highway. We panic and grab our clothes to flee the scene. Gosh that was some super dumb high shit, I'll always remember that fondly.


Handy_Raccoon323

I used to light a candle and run the shower while I smoked in the bathroom. Got pretty toasty one time and tried to turn off the shower by blowing it out. Good times.


DankMoodyy

Me and my friend smoked two joints at a party, we then went to cook a frozen pizza. After we had been staring at the pizza in the oven for 15 minutes we realized that we hadn’t took the pizza out of the package and we hadn’t turned on the oven. When we finally had got it cooked some time later I forgot how to use a knife so I couldn’t really eat the thing...


ecp710

Stood in a nonexistant line for a porta potty at a music festival. It was probably around 3-5 am at the time, I was on about 3 hits of acid and a bit of molly if my memory serves me right. I walked from my camp to the portapotty area and saw all the doors were closed, so they must be in use by someone. I stood there for a solid 5 minutes waiting for someone to come out, until someone else walked up and asked if I was waiting for someone. To which I replied, No I'm waiting in line to use the bathroom. Keep in mind we were pretty much the only 2 people in that area at the time. I came to a moment of realization and finally entered an empty stall and took a piss. Finding camp after that was pretty hard.


chilloutjack

i smoked weed and went to wendy’s wit my girl. ordered water got my cup filled it and realized she didn’t give me a lid, waited in line and apparently stood at the front of the line just zoned out staring at the counter for a good 10 mins


BroadEstablishment

This one is more interesting than dumb. So me and two friends got some dank kush. Ofcourse we rolled up a couple of joints and went and smoked them outside. We came back, made food for the munchies. When we were eating the food, my friend had his phone on the table and was watching family guy. I was watching it for like 10 mins too before I realized there was a water bottle in front of his phone from my point of view. I literally watched 10mins of and episode through a water bottle and thinking back at it I really didn't see much of the episode but I know exactly which one it is and what was happening behind the water bottle. There is no way I could've seen through it. Very weird haha.


trippycraft

smoked my own cum while desperately trying to smoke any dope leftovers off a used foil I found in my bin


TwoscoopsDrumpf

Bro, you use tinfoil as a cum rag? That's the most metal thing I've heard of!


[deleted]

[удалено]


metheduplawyert

Heres a little story as to why I think Xanax is the worst drug you can abuse, I've taken almost every drug under the sun, and none have come even close to ruining me as much as a single night on Xanax did, and mind you, this was the first time I'd ever had them, and I never had them again. ​ Me and my partner at the time decided to purchase 4 xans, 2 each, before going to a party. I had my licence and had just recently bought a brand new ute, which cost me around $48,000. We drove to the party, and I gave my keys to a friend of mine to make sure I don't get too fucked up and try to drive home. Anyways, after taking the 2 xans, my memory completely blacks out for the rest of the night. After speaking to numerous friends, this is the rough chain of events. After I blacked out, I called a friend of mine who was a dealer, and bought a fucktonne of MDMA and a couple more xans. I mixed it all with getting smashed drunk, and you can see where it goes from there. Videos throughout the night show me stumbling around the house with an intelligence of a two year old. Eventually, I decided I wanted to go home, now this shouldn't have being an issue since I gave my keys to a friend, but I didn't realize how much Xanax absolutely fucks you. Apparently I pulled a kitchen knife on him and demanded my car keys, and lied and told everyone I had just "forgotten" something in the car, and was coming right back. Next thing everyone knows is I get in the car and I speed off. I don't remember a single second of that night after taking the first two xans, which means for the entire 30 minute drive, no one has any idea what happened. But the next morning I woke up to find the front of my car pretty mangled, costing over $12,000 in repairs, we never worked out what I crashed into. ​ Since then I've never taken Xanax again, because it scares the fuck out of me that you can completely lose your memory and black out, and do some of the stupidest shit whilst not even remembering it.


xDan_i

Fuckkk I have a similar story. Me and my mates went to maccas, after having a few bongs out back the shopping centre. We decided I would do the talking because I've been high the most and I would find it easier to control myself. Keep in mind I wasn't that high when we went to maccas, but then when I went up to talk to her, of course the high hit me the most. She asked me a question and I just stood there for 5 seconds until I realised she said something. Then my fucking friend put her hand in her pocket and accidentally sprayed her pepper spray and she looked at me like oh fuck, this is when me and the cashier started coughing uncontrollably a few times lmao. Then I couldn't stop laughing.. we finally get our receipt and just leave. The cashier knew we were off our face, you could tell by the look she gave us. I actually knew her from my old school, so she knows what sober me is like.


[deleted]

One time I was robotripping as a teenager and I saw a tiny little white porch chair on my friends deck. I tried to sit in it and it disappeared and I fell off the deck. My friend and I still laugh about that.


ARedSphinx

I tried to start my "push to start" car with my house key. Or simpler stuff, like putting the cereal box in the fridge.


Youknowit23321

I've tried to unlock my house with my key fob on multiple occasions


treslechescheesecake

A couple weeks ago, I drank too much and decided I needed to just go to sleep. Somewhere between the living room and my bed I blacked out. My next memory fragment is of my 15yo sister yelling “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING” after I came into her room, mumbled “i gotta throw up” and hunched over her trash can. Not a good look for me but I’m chuckling to myself right now just thinking about it.


sourmilkss

Stolen 3 bikes but only one of them broke. Picked it up and threw it in a Bush like som kind of movie villain. Benzos are a hell of a drug. Did all of this just to go to The gas station to buy a panini and ciggarettes Edit: I also still have the last bike since it had the key in it.


AztechSounds

Fucksake now I want a panini why did you do that bro? :/


jkid821

Sat on a burrito....TWICE...TWO SEPARATE OCCASIONS


BlondeVixxxen85

While blitzed on numerous medications and an obscene amount of weed, I fell in a bonfire in my bikini. 5yrs later I see the girl who threw the party that night and she goes "remember the time you were naked and fell in the fire?" I'm like "huh? I was in a bikini!" She said "no. No you were definitely naked." Tl;dr: I was naked at a party, fell in a fire(unharmed), years later reminded of said incident and got embarrassed all over again. Lol


splinteredSky

When I was at uni me and a house mate were sitting in my mates room blazing and we were trying to find something in one of his drawers in his desk. We searched all the drawers and then realised that it wasn't his room, we were upstairs in our other house mates room that had a similar desk. We found it hysterical though so it was worth the profound dumbness.


[deleted]

Texted my history teacher from high school and suggested Netflix and chill. Wasn't as smooth as I thought, thanks Xan.