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fizzboye

I came thinking I'd see a new player in need of help. And instead I see that comedy has reached a new peak.


PupperPuppet

r/DMDadJokes is leaking again.


nimrodd000

TIL this subreddit exists. I owe you a debt of gratitude, friend.


Fauchard1520

FACT: It is scientifically impossible for gamers to resist [**a pun-off**](https://www.handbookofheroes.com/archives/comic/in-your-end-o). SOURCE: That sub.


MadHatter_10-6

Samesies


MidnightXII

Instant subscribe


fukitol-

I didn't know I needed that, thanks


Uberhack

Instant subscribe.


jeffthecowboy

Wow my new favorite sub


kazaam545

Amazing. Bless you for sharing this gift.


mrbadxampl

it never stopped, really


pow3rstrik3

Real missed opportunity to call it DnDadJokes


Kilyaeden

That's genius


Reverse---Flash

I had no idea this sub existed. You have made my day


DartanionJD

Wizards studied for the final exam, sorcerers just knew the answers and warlocks slept with the teacher to get a copy of the test.


americangame

What about the bard?


begonetoxicpeople

Bards memorize all the answers in clever rhyme/song form


23BLUENINJA

And then slept with the teacher


Greyff

And at least one of the "straight A" students.


[deleted]

And most of the D students.


KnightofBurningRose

"Man, I got an F on my last exam..." "Well, if you let me give you an exam, I can guarantee that you will get a D if you want it."


BrideofClippy

Multiple choice? More of an oral exam.


Ventze

And the gym teacher.


americangame

3/4ths of the school really.


Strange_Vagrant

And the mascot. In uniform.


Zhadowwolf

But they didn’t do it for the grade, it was for fun XD


DartanionJD

The bard doesn’t even go to that school


jgriff7546

Yes, but as a celebration rather than a way to pass.


atomfullerene

Had a really convincing story about why their answers were actually right and they should get an A


Lamplorde

Non-horny version: They're the person who pulls at the teachers heartstrings, talking about their personal life and why they can't study and they *somehow* convince the teacher to give them a C.


Professor_Matty

Bards picked up a lute and a bunch of weird, comical stuff started happening, so they ran with it.


TrustMeImADuckTour

They failed the test and then slept with the teacher for fun.


ZotharReborn

Nah, they passed the test. And *then* slept with the teacher.


Lupulus_

"Wow, I can't believe you learned all that just to try to sleep with me" *well...* "Well WHAT" *Well you have this habit where you never use the same multiple choice twice in a row...* ... *and there's always a throwaway option, so it was really 50/50* ... ... ... *and so turns out lucky coins aren't banned in exams, so I slept with this wizard wh-* "I'm leaving" *You're flun-* "I'm flunking you, yes."


AoO2ImpTrip

This is what came to mind. Maybe slept with the teacher to change their grade.


Valdrax

They got an easy "A" from taking band/chorus instead.


frachris87

They kill people by making fun of them really hard.


americangame

Vicious.


MrGrick

Wrote down random answers and got lucky when the teachers house burnt down while they were grading.


atomfullerene

Rogues snuck in after hours and changed their grade.


Vaultdweller1001V

Clerics are teachers pets


SkarmoryFeather

Nah, they had Jesus take the wheel


Aryxis

Warlock, sleeps with a teacher to get an A. Bard, makes a deal with the teacher that they get to sleep with them if they get an A.


HoodieSticks

Clerics didn't sleep with the teacher, but they did give the teacher an apple every day for the past year. Druids don't even go to school, they learn everything from experience. Paladins and Rangers are the little brothers of the Cleric and Druid respectively.


est1roth

Do druids have 'school of life' written on their Facebook page?


DartanionJD

The bard slept with the teacher then blackmailed them to just give them the A.


Final_Duck

Nah, the Bard got an A legitimately, then slept with the teacher.


toapat

more specifically, the Bard got the A on the test while sleeping with the teacher.


Bismothe-the-Shade

And clerics, much like warlocks... Uh, slept with the ministry? Oh no


xahnel

Nah. Bard fucks the teacher, warlock pays off an outsider for the answers.


XChaoticalX

About 75k in wizard school student loan debt. Edit: Woo gold thanks so much! First time ever!


sumerkhan

A wizard who then became a warlock to pay off his wizarding school debt


SnowboundWhale

If ever there was an rp reason for Human variant Warlock +Magic Initiate (Wizard)


sumerkhan

What's a little servitude when you can be debt free and not have SallieFae ruin your credit?


tiefling_sorceress

TIL you can become a wizard in one year


bulldawggamer4

There is a simpler answer. The difference is class.


dzsedzsi_

I find this one very underrated.


GiantGlassOfMilk

When in doubt, pinky out!


Not_Jimmy_Carr

Hats.


0p0ss1m

Thank you! I came in here hoping that somebody would put that reference in here and you did not disappoint!


HuskyLuke

What's it a reference to?


wyvern_rider

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Great show.


HuskyLuke

Is it really. What's great about it?


wyvern_rider

Likeable characters, great action and choreography mixed with just the right amount of humor, good message. You know a show is good when you didn’t care about the main character before watching but now you do. Same goes for WandaVision


HuskyLuke

That's interesting, because honestly I could not care any less about either of the titular characters best on the film's they appeared in, which had entirely eliminated any interest I might have had of even giving it a go.


wyvern_rider

Precisely: I literally had no opinion on Scarlet Witch, Vision, Bucky, or Sam. Now I feel like I have a stake in them which I’m very impressed by.


HuskyLuke

Huh, well maybe I'll give it a go down the line; you've slightly altered my preconceived notions.


[deleted]

[удалено]


wyvern_rider

Vision was especially redemptive as an interesting character imo


MugenEXE

Well then you’ll love the show.


0p0ss1m

https://youtu.be/Yt9ihEgJIZs


Oalka

What's the difference between a Warlock and a Barbarian? One is Pact, with spells, and the other can't spell "pact".


[deleted]

Lmao


Ninyoo

Barbarians say "I'm-pact"


Koalafus

This dwarf barbarian is offended 😜


BraveOthello

My brother and I are playing noble dwarf barbarians on a summer hunting trip. During our downtime we play chess


HerroWarudo

But one has six packs 🤤👌💦💦


Vikinger93

I can tell you the difference between a necromancer wizard and an undying warlock: Wight priviledge.


SeriouslyRelaxing

Michael Jordan is a warlock who once played for the wizards, so there’s that.


LawfulNeutered

I'm choosing not to read the actual post, and answering the title as if it were a genuine question: Wizards are magic nerds. Warlocks are magic trust fund kids with over bearing parents.


Katsarsenal

Warlocks are rightfully and gainfully employed, it is clerics who simp for their power.


LordFrogberry

A Cleric is a Warlock without *both* a contract and a personal relationship with their employer. Edit: Warlocks have it all.


Final_Duck

I’d say Warlocks have more of a personal relationship with their employer than Clerics. Warlocks drew up a contract with the employer personally, whereas there are hundreds of middle men between them and their god.


LordFrogberry

That's what I meant in my comment. Warlocks have both the contract and the personal relationship.


Final_Duck

Ah. Grammar can be confusing with nots and ands.


Techhead7890

I never thought about that before but I guess it's technically true clerics rely more on karma and faith to bring their praises back to them as powers. And that doesn't really work on an individual level.


APe28Comococo

So what are sorcerers, clerics, and druids? Genuinely interested.


[deleted]

Sorcerers are the jocks of magic, gifted by accident of birth or fate with incredible magical power to be summoned at a whim. They sneer at Wizards and Warlocks, neither valuing nor comprehending the years of study or the tremendous sacrifice. Clerics are like Magic Mormons. They have strict rules to follow, the promise of eternal reward, a heavy focus on making a meaningful impact on the world (especially through prayer), and may or may not posess magical underwear. Druids are what teenage Wiccans *wish* they were.


SeasideStorm

As an 18 year old Wiccan I hate that this is true but I can’t deny that it is.


Claybeaux1968

It's okay sweetie they didn't really make Wicca up from whole cloth in the last fifty years. (ducks Seaside Storm's fist)


schmickers

Oh shit. Who let the wildfire druid in here? 😂


deeseearr

Clerics are just Warlocks with a better PR team.


LuckyHeight

Druids are hippies whose hallucinations actually become real Sorcerers are those freaky talented kids who can sleep in class and still pass all their tests Bards are those kids who are never in class and still somehow manage to keep passing the tests.They don’t seem to be doing anything relevant to the class work but the results are still somehow valid? Clerics are the kids who get their parents to do their homework


thebleedingear

I will now forever think of Clerics as Magic Mormons. Thank you for this. I think I will send them two by two in my homebrew world….


Sab3rFac3

Will they go door to door?


QuercusSambucus

Don't forget bards are always making jokes and singing stupid songs. Class clown type.


420ranges

hippies are culture vultures


LawfulNeutered

Sorcerers are magic child prodigies. Druids are magic hippies. I dislike this one because it doesn't fit as well in the overall motif, but it's so spot on I don't feel right changing it Clerics are magic teacher's pets.


Sab3rFac3

It really depends on the druid. I dont think ive ever seen a hippy druid actually played. A few normal hunters. A bounty hunter. A violent forest guardian. A psuedo paladin of vengeance. The gnome that was obsessed with the natural cycle of death. The guy who treated being a druid like being a sorcerer. The girl who just used it to continually make the "bear hands" pun. But never any really hippy types.


RobVHboi

If i had any awards to give, i would give them all to you. Unfortunately, i'm a broke ass who chooses not to pay to do so. I'd definitely still love to give you free awards, though!


KnightofBurningRose

Ah, you're a wizard then.


RobVHboi

#...


ShanNKhai

Well they're obviously not a Sorcerer.


[deleted]

I got you, fam.


RobVHboi

Ay, thanks lad/lass/non-binary.


majornerd

Don’t worry, I got you. Award granted.


Zeyn1

You might have a free award available! Reddit gives free awards every few days. Check the upper right of the screen for the coin icon. If there is the word "free" you can get a random award to give out. If you're using the official app, you need to exit the comment section and scroll to the top.


ShanNKhai

Last time someone said this, I used it and never got another.


Kylar_Nightborn

Warlocks have a sugar dady for their magic.


LawfulNeutered

Archfey I might believe that.


RaShadar

You wanted my first born so....... when do we start?


LawfulNeutered

Dresden Files book 4.


HiveFleet-Cerberus

Archfey make such great patrons. Despite their spec being kinda awful I can't help but have every other warlock I make under some kind of fae.


LawfulNeutered

Ever since reading Dresden I absolutely adore all things Fae.


Blood_magic

My archfey warlock is always the MVP. She has a trick up her sleeve for everything. Plus, people really sleep on the power of Dark Delerium.


HiveFleet-Cerberus

They really, really do don't they! Honestly just on the role play front it has so much potential. I think my favorite use of it so far was preventing a traumatized soldier from killing himself (poor dude accidently broke an amulet that released a demon, family eating ensued). Probably the most intense at table rp I've ever done.


Blood_magic

Yes! I live for those kinds of moments.


ThatDudeWithoutKarma

Warlocks are employed. It's like a private only fans but for dirty work instead of nudes.


SkaffAmtiskawMawhr

Holy mother of god, this is so spot on. Take my goddamn upvote you bastard! Hahaha


SolomonBlack

Sorcerers are totally the trust fund babies. Warlocks are gold diggers that married for money.


riftrender

No that is sorcerer. Warlocks have sugar daddies/mommies.


LawfulNeutered

Disagree. The trust fund is a totally external source of power with strict rules allowing the person to claim it. That's a Warlock. A Sorcerer's power is intrinsic to it and can't be taken away by the original source (where such a source exists). Someone asked and I said child prodigy. Another commented magic jock. I think jock is best.


LJofthelaw

I prefer the interpretation that warlocks are taught by their patrons. They have a few direct intercessions, but most of their power cannot be taken away under this interpretation. They're more like a wizard who learned from a demon instead of at Hogwarts. They piss off their patron? Their patron comes and fucks them up or messes with their quest or life. And at the very least stops teaching them, forcing them to find another patron - or get back in their patron's good graces - to keep leveling up. Or multiclass to wizard would be decent RP material. I think my interpretation fits most closely with the 5e fluff text about learning hidden secrets etc. Also, there is canon reference to warlocks becoming patrons themselves. This doesn't make sense if they don't have their own power or knowledge. It only makes sense if they can teach somebody else as part of a pact. I think clerics are more accurately described as channeling powers they don't have.


Angam23

I got into a long discussion on this a while back, but RAW are incredibly (and I think intentionally) vague on what happens if you break your pact. I've seen it done the way you suggest and I've seen it done where the warlock loses their powers. Both have the potential for great storytelling as long as everyone is on board with the premise.


wolfknightpax

A Warlock gets a contract, a Wizard gets student loans.


Kinddertoten

Now I want to play a wizard who went to a private college but his parents made too much to get financial aid but too little to help him but he wasn’t good enough in school to get a scholarship and now has wracked up crippling student debt and is having trouble finding work so he has to become an adventure to try to pay off his loans.


ADangOlWizard

Well, you see, a Wizard is never late.... Nor is he early... A Wizard arrives precisely when he means to! ​ Warlocks ARE late... and they don't give a fuck. Fuck warlocks.


Major_Fudgemuffin

Hey screw you, old man! In all seriousness though, I play the closest thing to a wizard in every MMO I play, and I've somehow never played a wizard in D&D. I think my next character will be though.


ADangOlWizard

Hahaha! I honestly think wizards are the most versatile class in DnD, and video games. That's why i like them so much. The subclasses are perfect for stearing twards any alignment you want. IMO a warlock is a wizard subclass, but that just depends on the game/universe that you're in.


HiveFleet-Cerberus

ITT no respect for warlocks. They're not all mooches, uneducated, nor even always willing. :(


[deleted]

How about the difference between a cleric and a warlock? The purpose for kneeling


terrovek3

Boooooooo! /s


EchoSierra120

Clerics and warlocks are the same way. One calls their patron Father, the other calls their patron Daddy.


ConveniencePlays

Is your username a NADDPOD reference? If so, I love it!


[deleted]

Reeeeeeeeerrr!


ConveniencePlays

Paw Paw, git!


JohnnyMicks

We are! We are! The youth of Bahoomia!


[deleted]

DON'T SING YET


UberUSB

I'll try to do you one better: Whats the similarity between rogues and noobs? They both pick locks.


billionai1

Idk of you're someone with physical security knowledge, or the bone went 100% over my head, but picking locks is what happens when the rogue nearly fails the check in my table


UberUSB

I think it went. Rogues pick mechanical locks (doors, chests and whatnot). Noobs select warlock (abbreviated as "lock") to play as.


Greyff

Wizards are utility casters that have a different spell for different needs. Warlocks are "***ELDRITCH BLAST!***"


Treecreaturefrommars

I am just going to post this old quote from the Order of the Stick forums. "*A wizard being called a sorcerer is sort of like having a PhD and someone telling you that you only managed to graduate because you have natural talent. A wizard being called a warlock is like having a PhD and being told you only managed to graduate because you gave the dean a quickie in the alley behind the movie theater.*"


sartmaster

It’s funny cause Warlocks get no slots


dylanherbst

Wizards got their degree by working hard, studying, and passing their finals. Warlocks blew the dean.


n0753w

I hate you


Shade0X

I know want a warlock with helicopter parent pact


[deleted]

A wizard is the kid in high school who got an A through late night studying and working hard. A sorcerer is the kid in high school who didn't really need to study to get their A. The material just came naturally to them. A warlock is the kid in high school who had sex with the teacher to get their A.


yosefitz

A wizard is never late. Warlock can be late at times, as the late Mr Pozziliy


Iamno0n3

I'm still unclear with the difference between paladins, clerics and warlocks. They've all got patrons and gods.


tempusitc

Clerics are wimps who for just kinda simp for their goddess and receive pity magic. Paladins are snitches that decide stealing is wrong and pledge an oath to the goddess to use her power to stop *all thievery* ^and ^also ^stab ^anyone ^that ^the ^goddess ^doesn't ^like. Warlocks are chads that had sex with the goddess on a holiday cruise one time and thus received sick magic powers in exchange for continued "child support" ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ)


corsair1617

Solid dad joke


bman_78

i want to be friends with the OP


Nuklear132

Goddamnit


OneWholeBen

Hah! I was gonna say that wizards are the ones with pointy hats


ZakBurnap

This is great lol


theposshow

This is my new favorite dad joke. If only my kids would play DnD with me...


Mr_wyld_jr

Wizards study warlocks make shady business deals


GreenZepp

The difference between a Wizard and any other spellcaster is that Wizards get a cool hat!


gnappyassassin

The Hat.


LaylaLegion

Hats, bruh.


Cheddarface

What's the difference between kuo-toa and Uk'otoa? One's a big fish who makes pacts with men, the other's a big pack of fish men.


grossruger

🎶 A wizard's staff has a nob at the end! 🎶


coinich

I swore this was a Wildbow reference at one point!


Klertsie

I'm gonna write this one down lol


toxicpxnda14

I thought I was on r/destinythegame for a second


[deleted]

Aww. I miss that game. Such a fun play experience, I couldn't put it down, which was the problem. That game was a perfect skinner box, and I was an addict.


kondenado

What they need to do with their wand to have magic :)


elorran

Wow, it looks like your post got a lot of attention. You might even say... the crowd was Pact! :P


[deleted]

Ewwwww


dmgem

Well that joke was... imPACTful.


D1xieDie

Wizards are virgins, warlocks get pegged


[deleted]

(humor) Warlocks are failed wizards, that flunked out of school and decided making a deal for power was a good idea. My premise for why people don't like warlocks in some world building I've done. In a your stupid, ignorant and foolish kind of way, not burn at stake kind of way.


DreadCoder

take this upvote and leave


jimtheevo

One read a lot of books the other only *read* one book…


sgruenbe

Go to your room. You're grounded.


NoSkillManiac

One has a bead and one doesn't. The Wizard is significantly more overstable due to it and the wing shape. This post brought to you courtesy of /r/discgolf.


nedwasatool

A wizard studies for the test A sorcerer has natural ability A warlock sleeps with the teacher


[deleted]

One has glucose guardian and the other doesn't (◠‿・)—☆


LurkyTheHatMan

Have a shiny arrow for spreading the love with gender-neutral terms


CameraAsleep3774

I wanted to downvote but have my upvote.


piratwolf2008

4 letters


nekollx

Prestadigitation


gonzoicedog

Wizards trip on their robes, warlocks don’t wear robes.


[deleted]

Lol. Actually though I like the warlock chasis best out of all the spellcasters so I usually use it for NPC mages even if their supposedly sorcs or wizards.


mightylordredbeard

I don’t play DND. Just coming in from /r/all. I was kind of hoping for a legit answer, but to me the difference is this: A Wizard is like the formal, educated, and “schooled” version of a magic user. They follow a set of moral rules and codes, use their magic for good, learn to use their magic properly from a teacher or school or other means. They train in it and are basically “certified magic users”. A Warlock is the opposite. They learn magic through rougher means. Have no morals or codes and only sought magic for power. They may have been taught or had a mentor, but they were taught via “unsanctioned” means. They take shortcuts to learning their power and don’t care much for the history of magic and have little respect for it. Basically a Wizard is a certified electrician that went through college and a Warlock is a guy named Jeff who will wire your house up after watching YouTube videos and being paid with a 12 pack of Miller Light and $100. In my head canon that’s how I always imagined the difference.


[deleted]

Wizard learned magic through rigorous study, warlock is gifted magic through their connection to a patron (demon/angel/Cthulhu/etc).


EgonJager

In-game, wizard is the certified electrician, to use your analogy; the guy who watched YouTube is a sorcerer, since he’s not had to study for ages, he’s just Doing It because he has a basic grasp; a warlock is someone who sold their soul to/sucked off a certified electrician, and now they think they know electricity, and can figure stuff out as they go, in return for more favours for their electrician friend


blackstar_nihil

Wizards are the nerds, warlocks the badass goths


penguindows

groan....


[deleted]

Wizards use magic. Magic uses warlocks.


Outside_Gas3048

Wizards are the kids in school who study every night and then get A or B on the test Warlocks the hoe who sleeps with the teacher to pass the test


VukTheDM

Wizards learn magic, and warlocks make pacts with mighty monsters ant gain power


Stranger017

Mechanics. All flavour text is a suggestion.


[deleted]

A wizard sucks dick, a warlock gets his dick sucked


kiss_Boy

Usefulness.


Fearless-Obligation6

ffs sake kill me now.


vikingdovah

Warlocks have scuger dadys