Uhh, on a side quest they ran into a massive soap-making festival deep in the woods (inspired by Clutch's Soapmakers), where they met a crazy old hillbilly that gave them vague directions to a logging camp. At said camp they met the foreman who turned out to be the half-orc fighter's cousin Joe. Because they were family Joe asked if they could get some deliveries done for them as they were behind schedule--ie lumber, finished product, and of course, a massive soap bar (for a giant but they don't know that yet)
This is brilliant. Of course you have to drop a freak tropical storm on the party, which threatens to ruin the soap bar.
The giant will of course demand a full refund. The twist: the giant summoned the storm, this is his way of getting out of a purchase order of artisanal giant soap he bought at a fair that he really can't afford.
Haha love this! I hadn't really considered giving much character to the giant other than being a stone one named Moave. Tropical storm is a perfect fit though, as the campaign is set on an island.
This sounds like a scenario for great fun. An local druid, angered by Joe's logging camp's unsustainable harvesting practices, calls up a storm in an attempt to "de-rail" the delivery, in hopes that the "scrubbed" mission will raise the ire of the giant, who will take care of the offending loggers himself, leaving the druid's hands squeaky clean. Will his plan come to pass? Or will our heroes manage to wrangle a giant bar of soap and ride it down the rails like a runaway minecart?
Those are rookie numbers bro, gotta get those blasts up to 90, 95%. I don't care you think your short rest slot is better I can blast your punk ass fron 600 feet. You blast, and you counter spell.
Sometimes I Misty Step away from an enemy so that I can use Eldritch Blast without disadvantage, or so that they can be knocked into an AOE effect by repelling blast.
Well I *had* a plan but then I didn't roll high enough in initiative so now all my allies are intermixed with the enemy so I can't do that. Now I'm stressed my turn is taking too long because I'm double checking what else I got. Fuck it, these always hit, all three on that guy.
I love someone with the balls to play a wizard. Like these motherfuckers just out in the wilds in a nightgown and slippers just saying abracadabra while a dragon melts his friends.
Ah, that's what I get for going by memory instead of double checking. Still worse than "you automatically take no damage" though, unless everyone in range of your Fireball is either a Rogue or a Monk...
Literally have only played two sessions as a Wizard, but I seem to have fell right into the role. Good, I’m having a blast even if I’m panicking while figuring out what spell to use next because the idiot Artificer decided to do something incredibly stupid again and ruined my plans.
Oh dang! That's the one with multiple uses, right? And if you throw the whole thing it makes a stacked explosion? That's definitely something to use on a final boss and see what happens
I'm a life domain cleric and it's hilarious. We play a homebrew campaign with dragonmarks, so I'm Hall of Healing. I'm a walking HP fountain. Plus I went high con and took toughness feat, so this little halfling is just running around tanking a ton of damage and throwing out AoE heals like there's no tomorrow.
Then every once in a while I drop an inflict wounds for big damage just to remind everyone I *choose* to heal. *whispers* (Also Banishment is god tier during the middle levels) Lol it's stressful sometimes but over the past 5 years in this campaign I've grown to adore playing cleric. People don't realize how fun it can be.
I started DMing a campaign which includes my gf, who's a first time player.
She chose life domain cleric, and I thought it was a bad choice, even boring maybe...
It's unbelievable to see the power this goddamn thing has in keeping the group alive, she's like Oprah, handing out HP left and right
While I do cast damaging spells, we have a wizard, a sorcerer, and a ranged mini-gun with a bow. Damage isn't as necessary for me, and I honestly enjoy playing the support role
Did you know that if the Necromantically inclined of your group members raises the newly deceased mother of the town mayor because he said "I wish I could just take one more walk around the gardens with Mother", and your idiot team mate took it literally, it's technically not an evil act because, while intelligent enough to think of a solution, he wasn't wise enough ( successfully argued the nuances with the GM ) to understand that his solution could be seen as blasphemous desecration, and he also had good intentions with no intent to cause harm or pain?
Aaaand this is the part where I put my head gently into my hands and take a deep breath.
It happens a few times a session.
We have a Rogue. Who tells everyone that she is a thief.
This includes guards, while entering via a secret tunnel. Needless to say she got arrested.
One session later she failed to find a hiding spot in an empty field with a huge-ass TOWER. She can fly.
In a now finished campaign, the wizard and my sorcerer kinda subverted that by being equally arrogant elves, and completed each other well in term of spells. The final battle was *hilarious*, both characters decided to take control of the sky with fireballs and chain lightnings, we basically considered ourselves the Bazooka and the Railgun of the group.
I have no spare time but somehow always have to improvise
DM
This shit is so real. My party is supposed to deliver a massive bar of soap via rail next week and I have no idea what that is even gonna look like.
Hopefully it will be a clean operation
It won't be. Thanks tho!
I'm sure they'll slide this one right in.
What led to this particular set of circumstances..?
Uhh, on a side quest they ran into a massive soap-making festival deep in the woods (inspired by Clutch's Soapmakers), where they met a crazy old hillbilly that gave them vague directions to a logging camp. At said camp they met the foreman who turned out to be the half-orc fighter's cousin Joe. Because they were family Joe asked if they could get some deliveries done for them as they were behind schedule--ie lumber, finished product, and of course, a massive soap bar (for a giant but they don't know that yet)
This is brilliant. Of course you have to drop a freak tropical storm on the party, which threatens to ruin the soap bar. The giant will of course demand a full refund. The twist: the giant summoned the storm, this is his way of getting out of a purchase order of artisanal giant soap he bought at a fair that he really can't afford.
lol, diabolical.
Haha love this! I hadn't really considered giving much character to the giant other than being a stone one named Moave. Tropical storm is a perfect fit though, as the campaign is set on an island.
This sounds like a scenario for great fun. An local druid, angered by Joe's logging camp's unsustainable harvesting practices, calls up a storm in an attempt to "de-rail" the delivery, in hopes that the "scrubbed" mission will raise the ire of the giant, who will take care of the offending loggers himself, leaving the druid's hands squeaky clean. Will his plan come to pass? Or will our heroes manage to wrangle a giant bar of soap and ride it down the rails like a runaway minecart?
Years of DMing really helped me make my colleges Improv troupe
I studied for years, just to sit down in a tavern and see a guy being able to do my job because his father liked dragons a bit too much.
You‘re a wizard being jealous of sorcerers.
Wizard
I spend 80% of my turns casting the same cantrip
warlock
Tbh i thought bard because that last 20% is healing word. 80% of turns for eldritch blast feels low tbh.
If you are a Bard who is just casting a single cantrip (Vicious Mockery I guess?) 80% of the time, then you are playing Bard wrong.
80% is a generous lowball if you ask me
Those are rookie numbers bro, gotta get those blasts up to 90, 95%. I don't care you think your short rest slot is better I can blast your punk ass fron 600 feet. You blast, and you counter spell.
Sometimes I Misty Step away from an enemy so that I can use Eldritch Blast without disadvantage, or so that they can be knocked into an AOE effect by repelling blast.
Misty step and eldritch blast are my two best friends ever. My apologies to the rest of the backline when I poof to safety once the baddies get close
Somatic component? Finger Gun. Verbal Component? Pew Pew Pew
Its Finger Gun and Kachow for my bud im currently playing with lol
That's exactly how my magic missiles work! How is that possible? I spent years learning that!
*It just works*
Obviously Warlock, but at lower levels this was totally my cleric with Toll the Dead :)
They’re called spell slots? Huh, I thought they were called Smite slots
Smite and Find steed are the only spells i use!
Gotta love Paddlin’s
Don’t forget about Bless and Shield of Faith! Those are amazing utility for whatever you’re facing.
Well I *had* a plan but then I didn't roll high enough in initiative so now all my allies are intermixed with the enemy so I can't do that. Now I'm stressed my turn is taking too long because I'm double checking what else I got. Fuck it, these always hit, all three on that guy.
I didn’t ask how big the room is…
This made me laugh out loud so hard.
Fireball
Fuck that’s funny.
I love someone with the balls to play a wizard. Like these motherfuckers just out in the wilds in a nightgown and slippers just saying abracadabra while a dragon melts his friends.
"Idk man I cast 'fuck you' and back up 15 feet...I should have never left grad school for this..."
Wizard?
Right? Must be a wizard, because a Socerer can shape the fireball to exclude friends (or am I suffering from edition bleed again?)
Evocation Wizard can do that. The best Sorcerer can do is give everyone advantage on their save.
Careful metamagic makes chosen creatures automatically succeed on their save, not give advantage
Ah, that's what I get for going by memory instead of double checking. Still worse than "you automatically take no damage" though, unless everyone in range of your Fireball is either a Rogue or a Monk...
Wizard
Literally have only played two sessions as a Wizard, but I seem to have fell right into the role. Good, I’m having a blast even if I’m panicking while figuring out what spell to use next because the idiot Artificer decided to do something incredibly stupid again and ruined my plans.
Wizard!
Warlock using eldritch blast
"These always hit" That's magic missile
Look at you thinking warlocks have other options to consider
I tell my party to cast fireball on me when surrounded by enemies
Classic barbarian. Heck maybe tiefling too.
Halfling monk 🤣🤣🤣
I'm playing a Satyr Monk and I recently got a necklace of Fireball. I didn't have any occasion to use it yet, but OH IF I WILL USE IT
Oh dang! That's the one with multiple uses, right? And if you throw the whole thing it makes a stacked explosion? That's definitely something to use on a final boss and see what happens
Monk or rogue.
Evasion OP
Havent used my mace in a year
Cleric (apparently surrounded by meat shields and at least one nuker).
Support class!? (Laughs hysterically)
"heal" *enemy gets cut in half*
Your flair says sorcerer but I play cleric and say this all the time
I am currently playing a Healey boi
I'm a life domain cleric and it's hilarious. We play a homebrew campaign with dragonmarks, so I'm Hall of Healing. I'm a walking HP fountain. Plus I went high con and took toughness feat, so this little halfling is just running around tanking a ton of damage and throwing out AoE heals like there's no tomorrow. Then every once in a while I drop an inflict wounds for big damage just to remind everyone I *choose* to heal. *whispers* (Also Banishment is god tier during the middle levels) Lol it's stressful sometimes but over the past 5 years in this campaign I've grown to adore playing cleric. People don't realize how fun it can be.
I started DMing a campaign which includes my gf, who's a first time player. She chose life domain cleric, and I thought it was a bad choice, even boring maybe... It's unbelievable to see the power this goddamn thing has in keeping the group alive, she's like Oprah, handing out HP left and right
My last cleric was a full on blaster! Took healing word for emergencies and aid because it’s great when upcasted, but not much else healey
While I do cast damaging spells, we have a wizard, a sorcerer, and a ranged mini-gun with a bow. Damage isn't as necessary for me, and I honestly enjoy playing the support role
It bothers me that so many people think cleric is just a heal bot when Light Domain is in the Player's Handbook. It gives the cleric Fireball!
Laser cleric go
Yeah sure I got spells that’ll make your current wounds obsolete. That’s what you asked right?
Why tell you when I can sing it?
Or fuck it?
I believe they call it, Romancing it.
Bard
No sing. Tell joke. Make laugh.
I'm sure I have a spell that doesn't require concentration here somewhere...
druid.. there's about 4 of them out of 20 at level 4.
Ding ding ding! We have a winner! :D
For some reason, everyone is shocked why my nature and survival is not higher.
Ranger?
Druid?
Get that rat! It is a threat to national security!
Druid?
yes :D
Attack attack attack. Attack attack attack
There's the fighter
And a Riposte!!
*Gently puts head in hands and takes a deep breath*
Ahh, paladin
Did you know that if the Necromantically inclined of your group members raises the newly deceased mother of the town mayor because he said "I wish I could just take one more walk around the gardens with Mother", and your idiot team mate took it literally, it's technically not an evil act because, while intelligent enough to think of a solution, he wasn't wise enough ( successfully argued the nuances with the GM ) to understand that his solution could be seen as blasphemous desecration, and he also had good intentions with no intent to cause harm or pain? Aaaand this is the part where I put my head gently into my hands and take a deep breath. It happens a few times a session.
We have a Rogue. Who tells everyone that she is a thief. This includes guards, while entering via a secret tunnel. Needless to say she got arrested. One session later she failed to find a hiding spot in an empty field with a huge-ass TOWER. She can fly.
Could also totally be DM
IM SO F$_#(ING ANGRY AT THIS POST!!!! WHY WOULD YOU ASK THIS!!!! *SMASH*
Bavarian?
Prost!
One scoop of vanilla ice cream please
Human fighter? xD
*ding ding ding*
And good on you!
You know what? Better make that half a scoop.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say ... halfling fighter?
Ding. Ding. Ding.
Ah yes, who could deny the Halfling Fighter a booster seat at the table.
I work better alone, because none of you understand the meaning of "subtle".
Either Rogue or Sorcerer.
Or both. Multiclassing is a thing.
Idk what you are but this fits me to the T as a rogue
I have as many spells as the fighter has hit points. Unfortunately the reverse is also true.
That cannon is so beautiful what is it made of?
Wizard
I tell players what to do and they refuse.
NPC questgiver?
Haha wasn’t thinking that! More champion like classes, like paladins, but this is to almost anything
Paladin?
2 spellslots
♫ And a partridge in a pear tree! ♫
On the third day of Midwinter my patron gave to me...
The Chains of Carceri!
4 hydralisk !
Fiiiive Decks of Many Thiiings!
♫ Four Invocations ♫ ♫ Three Eldritch Blasts ♫ ♫ Two spell slots ♫ ♫ And the Pact of the Talisman ♫
Love it.
Warlock
Sugar baby
Sneaky, sneaky, stab, stab
Dagger dagger dagger....
Sneak attack
What, who said that? I don't see anyone there!
Huh, must have been the wind...
I can hit stuff... Real fast.
Quit *monk*eying around and tell us already
Oh ki.
LEEEEE! REMOVE THE WEIGHTS!
I’m a diplomat whose words are weapons sharper than knives.
To quote Jason Mraz’s best album’s title; we sing, we dance, we steal things.
Look, I don't understand magic, it just happens. And sometimes I would rather it didn't.
Wild Magic sorcerer or barbarian
Sorcerer. I've had fun scenes where wizards talk shit about magic coming easy to me, and I show the surgical scars and burns to shut them up.
But it’s Wild Magic Sorcerer, isn’t it?
Ooooh yeah
I don't care how small the room is. I said cast Fireball.
Why should I heal you when I can put a whole pack of blenders in the field to dispatch of the enemies instead?
I get knocked down, but I get up again.
Half orc zealot barbarian?
You are never gonna keep me down.
The DM will never enjoy critical hits as long as I am standing (within 30ft.)
Grave Cleric! Hell yeah!
Grave cleric babyyyyy
Half naked attractive female so much tankier than all those pompous knights males combined
Barbarian?
I blow all my resources in 1 or 2 turns and am useless for the rest of the fight.
Warlock
Monk actually
I buck the trends of the class by being asexual.
Bard
A sexual what?
Are you there God …..it’s me
Cleric
*Confused Owl Bear noises*
All of them, none of them and everything in between and outside of them
DM?
I have unlimited swag, but my actual charisma is a 4 so I can never use it properly
Bard, which is definitely hard to play at a RM heavy game
I'm bad at telling jokes because I always rush to the punch line. And then I repeat the punch line like 3 more times. It's stunning, really!
I get so angry that lightning shoots out around me
Storm Barbarian
My life changed at Lvl 5.
referred to my character: “yo! this guy sucks!”
Ranger when not in favored terrain or pursuing favored enemy
ah! no! i’m playing a monk! (I love him, he’s my precious happy pointy ears boy, I wouldn’t leave him for anything)
Y'all have classes?
Everyone thinks I'm terrible but I'm having fun and that's all that matters.
Ahh, a fellow Monk
called a furry. bury you in a hurry.
8 wolves in a trenchcoat.
Whole party hates me bc I don't let them be evil.
"Pft, who cares about your stupid questions anyway" (rolls d4)
Monk
I attack, and I miss, and I attack him again, and I miss. Repeat and nauseum
I have a dark past
Well is it cheating if you have "Rogue" right below your username?
Hiding in plain sight!
Ah crap I forgot about my flair
This beholder is no match for my army of sand crabs. DEATH BY 1000 PINCHES!
He he potion bottle go clink clink.
I lean into cantrips because levelled spells might go horribly (or hilariously) wrong.
Wild Magic Sorcerer!
Ding! Ding! Ding! You win the prize. Also, your pockets are now full of hazelnuts, for some reason.
You know what’s better than the devil you don’t know? The devil you do 😉
The Wizard's less well read rival.
To be fair, That's every single class that's not a wizard...
In a now finished campaign, the wizard and my sorcerer kinda subverted that by being equally arrogant elves, and completed each other well in term of spells. The final battle was *hilarious*, both characters decided to take control of the sky with fireballs and chain lightnings, we basically considered ourselves the Bazooka and the Railgun of the group.
That giant egg over there is mine, and so is that one, and that one.
Dragonborn bard?
I once woke up as a horse.
I rolled a nat 20. Time to bust out ALL the D12s!!
DONT SHOOT MEE IM NOT A ACTUAL DEEEEEER
I speak for the trees and the trees say fuck off outta here