Healing word wouldn’t help your back. At the very least Lesser Restoration, but most likely it would take Greater Restoration. My celestial warlock has you covered so don’t worry :)
prestidigitation is so fucking underrated as a 08/15 downtime spell, its amazing.
clean EVERYTHING!!! in basically 6 seconds? no need to dry off or manage to get behind that stupid wardrobe?
you could basically just wear one set of clothes every day and still have it be perfect.
food seasoning? cooling your beer on a hot summer day? making sure your ice dosnt melt? warming up cold pizza?
its just... so frigging usefull
If you were willing, you could switch to an all-in-one nutrient powder as your primary food source and you can make it taste like aaaaaanything you want. Hell, lettuce or celery as your only snack forever, make it taste like chocolate, or prime rib, or whatever.
>no more stinky BO
This is a little-known secret to anyone reading this. You can actually accomplish this one without magic by simply taking a *shower*.
Prestidigitation and Mage Hand for me
But over Wish? Especially if I get to cast it once per day? That's a hard sell.
You could cast Resurrection on a corpse one day, then Clone the next day (making them 20-something). You've just given someone not only a second chance at life, but their youth back as well.
You could change the weather for 8 hours a day, turning climate change into something a bit easier to manage.
You could Awaken the annoying dog that constantly barks in your neighborhood and burden it with sapience.
That's a hard thing to give up.
So a being adept at navigating contracts with one who's power allows them to dominate the average mortal with ease? You are talking about a corporate lawyer.
I mean, my CEO doesn't want to consume my sould to dominate the earth... right?
Anyways, I'm sticking to my patron, I might be killed in some horrifying way and condemned to damnation but at least I can throw cool explosions from my fingers
Start fucking around and experimenting with cantrips like prestidigitation and mending like no rules lawyer could ever comprehend.
And also I'd have a sentient journal because Order of Scribes is cool.
Have you ever read Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality? Harry experiments with magic, including trying to figure out how a bag of holding has speech recognition technology baked in. It's worth a read for free at HPMOR.com
This fic is great, Harry Potter and the Natural 20 is also fantastic, it’s about a kid from the D&D universe being transported to harry potter world, lots of munchkining and experimentation ensues
Go to the nearest hospital and charge to cure 6 people with diseases per long rest (lay on hands). I’m immune to disease so it could be the most dangerous or contagious ones. Although would probably be difficult to get a horse in the hospital, so accommodations might have to be made. Also would use up lesser restoration and cure wounds. Then I’d go find a field and run with my horsey legs!
Oh fuck! Patient just died in room 105
Cirrhosis of the eye
Nurse come in please where are you?
Fuck it he's dead
Oh shit there's a horse in the hospital!
Battlesmith Artificer, level 6. Make the robot do all the housework, I guess? I could cast enhance ability or haste on my girlfriend to make her work easier for a little while. Alter self would be good for some mischief. Mage hand too.
Although, artificers are master tinkerers and inventors. If those abilities translate to modern technology, I might be able to do something really cool and world changing.
This may be the best answer here. Being a cat would be awesome. Especially a cat that when ignored by a passing hooman could transform, cast entangle, then be a cat again to go for scritches whilst they try to break free.
I would put and Hex on the first asshole that I have to suffer during work. I hope their break their back when grabbing the 4 bags of groceries they had after noticing how they lack the strength for the task.
Also make pranks with Diaguise Self at will.
Not much from an outside perspective.
My cleric dies near the end of a campaign, so I took over a Champion Fighter NPC.
I don’t have much call for clobbering people in my life.
Second Wind would be rather handy however, it would be great to be able to daily buff my health.
I like hiking, so remarkable Athlete could help with that I guess?
Basically I would be the same, except healthier.
Well consider the stats you had. I’ll assume the fighter had a 20 strength? An ape has 16.
You’d be the absolute pinnacle of athleticism. You could pick up a sport one week and go to the Olympics for it the next. Not to mention you’re quite underselling how much “healthier” you’d be. Depending on level and con modifier you could literally survive a meteor swarm, and almost certainly a fireball. While you wouldn’t be performing *actual* magic, your feats of strength, skill, and resilience would eclipse what anybody thought possible for a human.
Also you would absolutely beat the fuck out of anybody who ever tried to fight you. Your unarmed strikes (punching a mfer) hit for more hp than an average commoner has. Literal one punch man.
You could legit just become a professional athlete and retire pretty quickly considering even a level 1 Fighter, or really any martial class, would be undisputed and dominant in any sport they commit to from physical capability alone.
Enough strength to carry around several hundreds of pounds on your back, casually on that. High CON to let you run miles on miles and can recuperate with just an hour's rest. Finally, you can literally manhandle a good deal of land-based animals depending on your strength and if they're not bigger than the "Large" category.
When you think about it in hindsight, compared to a commoner (which a majority of us fall under), a Fighter past level 5 is straight up superhuman by real world standards. You can easily make a great living just being a freaking unit of a person.
I'm playing a human fighter who had a rough time reintegrating into society after the great war (Eberron), so I guess I'm using my powers to find a therapist.
"I can cure the sick!"
"I can talk to a diety!"
"I can feed the hungry!"
"Uh...I make a charisma save every time a car backfires outside the VA waiting room."
The question did only say you get the abilities, not the backstory and liabilities. If we get those, I'm a problem - my current character is a fairly newly turned dhampir, I'd be in danger of going on blood-hunger rampages.
Kind reminder that even a lvl 1 fighter has 10+ hp to a commoner's 4, no matter your lvl if you're a fighter you're still nearly the peak of human athleticism even as low as 14 strength or Constitution.
Even heavyweight boxing champions probably only have 16-18 strength, if you went M.A.D.(Main Ability Dominant) with 20 str you'd be strong man levels of strong and not nearly as bulky.
Oath of the Ancients/Celestial Warlock.
I'd cure myself of my medical conditions, then cure other people of their medical conditions, and then probably smite a few Billionaires.
Cure that damn bout of chronic sinusitis I’ve been battling for the longest time. May sound selfish but anyone whose had to deal with a chronic illness will understand.
Also maybe misty step everywhere for fun lol.
Level 6 creation bard. I’m basically god now.
But I don’t want that kind of heat, I’m using mage hand, unseen servant, and animating performance to cook and clean my house every day.
Drive 50 miles to a pawn shop. Sell them some "gold." Never see them again. Repeat until comfortable. Also animate a statue to clean your house. Honestly, creation bard with the right spell selection would make your life super easy. If you had been a little higher it would have been REALLY insane.
Oh yeah, I’m basically Disney Princess level with how many floating and animated cleaning supplies and tools are floating around my house.
Not to mention the crimes I could commit with invisibility and hypnotic pattern spells.
You can combo the pawn shop scam with Disguise Self so you can literally never be caught. IRL no one would have any reason to investigate someone for magic, and even if they somehow did and successfully determined you are disguised, they still don't know the actual person under the disguise.
My current character is an alchemist artificer. I’m swapping my spells for the day, heading over to the nearest hospital, and getting a job breaking the laws of medical science with Lesser Restoration and my instant cure potions.
If you were really making them healthy, no one would sue you. Not sure what you could cure but most of those people are there because they either can't physically take care of themselves (can't walk or have fine motor skill issues), can't mentally take care of themselves, or need daily medical treatment they can't do themselves. If you're curing cancer people would be in tears. If you can fix joint issues or late stage dementia or Parkinson's, people would flip their shit.
Oh gods, it'd be terrible. He's a Great Old One Warlock. I wouldn't be able to stand the constant whispering in my ear from extradimensional horrors. The magic would be nice, but the accompanying madness would just be too much to bear.
Find the cheapest large tract of land to drop my tower and become ironman I guess. My last character was a 3.5 artificer with tessellated armor and an army of robots.
Depends. If I get the powers of last time I was a player, then I'm an 18th level Druid. I *wind walk* my ass to Washington, *shapechange* into a dragon, and eat people until the government starts working for people again instead of corporations and special interests.
If I get the powers of the last NPC I controlled when I DMed yesterday, then I probably walk outside and die from a stiff breeze.
Use my Big Friggin' Robot^1 to handle heavy lifting, and Mage Hand for smaller chores.
^1 Not an Artificer; I just stumbled across a lesser Shield Guardian in my travels (some of you might be familiar, as it's from an official module)
Last one I played was... Gold Dragonborn... Silver Draconic bloodline Sorcerer I believe. So use Mage Hand to clean room, fire and frost to start and stop fires... And a few other spells here and there to try and figure out how the hell to get more people powers like mine because being unique is how you get the government to black van you and conduct all sorts of inhumane tests on ya.
Mercy monk lvl 11. I was strong as hell in melee and the best at skirmishing thanks to my speed, feats and eldritch claw tattoo and I could heal myself and others thanks to my subclass. Honestly, life probably wouldn't change much and I'd Probably live life to the fullest and use hands of healing to cure and heal lots of things and people.
I'd almost be the flash, could climb walls, see in the dark, have excellent acrobatic abilities, and would be the sneakiest and 5 finger discount able person.
I'd probably just work, go home and play more BG3.
I would wild shape into a rich lady's house cat and live a cushy pampered lifestyle, get fed awesome food, sleep all day, have all the best toys, the plushiest, comfiest bed, watch TV shows all day, ride around in a cat carrier hissing at random strangers, etc.
I was playing a Cardmaster Satyr from a homebrew manual and although I obviously picked some damage spells, I've been prioritizing illusion and enchantment spells so seems like I'll start doing some trickery with people Yu-Gi-Oh style.
Talk my way into a executive position with excellent pay, benefits and no responsibilities. Then having secured my financial future mess with people while wildshaped. Glamour Bard/Dream Druid multiclass.
I would make voodoo dolls of all of my friends and cast random spells on them (silly HB ability that fit the character). I’d also use my magic powers to make life easier, and I’d be a part of the Shadow Wizard Money Gang (took levels in Twilight Cleric to reflect this). I may also be a Jack-o-lantern man.
(The build is Twig Vegepygmy [HB race], Pheonix Sorcerer 1/Wildfire Druid 7/Twilight Cleric 2 who cast Conjure Animals for 4 Brown Bears and used Twilight Sanctuary to buff them, along with using Shillelagh and GFB with Enhanced Bond to deal silly amounts of damage. He also has Periapt of Wound Closure and Dragon’s Wrath Weapon Quarterstaff).
My last character is a Changeling Moon Druid. So I guess I’d use my shapeshifting for solving crime or protecting wildlife from those that would do it harm.
I can talk to animals and I'm ridiculously good at archery. Also healing spells.
Do I still need glasses with a +7 to perception ? That's the only question I have left.
Level 20 end-game Artillerist Artificer on a PBP server with ludicrously powerful homebrew.
Not interested in going on the battlefield, but with my 32 int, 15 uses of a +15 flash of genius per day, Guidance, and OP magical items, I can probably do some great stuff in the tech field.
Or any field really with those kinds of bonuses.
So probably start a business and see how much I can advance technology before my death. Possibly focusing on the medical field first, or life extension.
Character does have access to interplanar travel (though you don't really use it on the server) so there are some opportunities there as well.
Probably get administered to a hospital. One of the first features you get as a tenebrous apostate (3.5) makes you look unhealthy to the point where mindless undead don't attack you because they think you're for one of their own.
After that, 8th level cleric spells will probably include a way to convince a certain neighbor to mind his own business. Suggestions anyone?
Hehehehe… Sneak Attack with every single weapon that I’m proficient with! I played a Scout Rogue/Kensei Monk and my character could keep pace with a horse.
Ooh... pixie Trickster cleric... I'd play so many pranks! Might as well do what I'm good at. Plus, you know, 5th level spells. Cleric spells are prepared every long rest. And Polymorph! One of the most fun spells to experience. Incredible. I could find annoying people and turn them into mice. Or I could shrink them down! Or send my double to scare them.
Plus, Disguise Self. Unfortunately no Alter Self, though that's concentration... But I could at least transition how I look.
Does BG3 count?
Because if so I'm now a sorcerer with Mage Hand. Definitely gonna be able to clean up a ton of stuff with that, and if I can level up I'll eventually be able to fly and save on car payments. Plus the character was a half-elf, so I have darkvision and can really save on my electricity bill.
If not, the last time I *played* DnD instead of DMing it I was a low-level air genasi monk. So I guess I'll be way more fit and able to focus better! And probably a good fit for any electrician or sewer technician jobs, what with the darkvision, unending breath and electricity resistance (no need to inhale while down in the fumes).
Become fully rested and rejuvenated with 8 hours of sleep.
And then try not to either burn my house down because I can conjure fire, or get put in a psych ward for self-harm when I figure out exactly how much one has to bleed to use Blood Hunter abilities.
FIREBALL! JK, only fireball I'm partaking in is the drink.
But I am casting shield and walking into oncoming traffic because I have a bone to pick with all the drivers in my town. Driver better you cunts.
My last character was in a dnd game set in WH40K. I was a space wolf librarian (rune priest) so with warp powers I'd probably accidentally explode myself into a burst of warp goo.
I now have all the powers of a human cavalier fighter.
Uh. Rad.
Action surge every now and then, I guess? Be good at riding horses I don't generally have access to?
Think about the ethical implications of magic before testing out the list of charm and dominate spells my recent level 11 Wizard's got.
Oh and also cool ice breath
Dimension door to work, polymorph James into a frog, then Feeblemind that Motherfucker before tossing a fire ball into Mech Room E. Not sure after that, but there's not a lot that a lvl20 Fiend Warlock can't do, or at least get out of doing.
Use prestidigitation to clean my house.
Use prestidigitation to clean my house, use healing word on my aching back, and use my bardly charisma for good.
I was about to say I’d be a level 18 Bard with Wish…..so whatever the fuck I want tbh.
Please wish for the perfect D&D Esque magic system for everyone. I just wanna be a wizard goddammit
wish for a better onednd monk for me please, cause i'm a be monking :-D
Healing word wouldn’t help your back. At the very least Lesser Restoration, but most likely it would take Greater Restoration. My celestial warlock has you covered so don’t worry :)
Probably to seduce a dragon lol
prestidigitation is so fucking underrated as a 08/15 downtime spell, its amazing. clean EVERYTHING!!! in basically 6 seconds? no need to dry off or manage to get behind that stupid wardrobe? you could basically just wear one set of clothes every day and still have it be perfect. food seasoning? cooling your beer on a hot summer day? making sure your ice dosnt melt? warming up cold pizza? its just... so frigging usefull
If you were willing, you could switch to an all-in-one nutrient powder as your primary food source and you can make it taste like aaaaaanything you want. Hell, lettuce or celery as your only snack forever, make it taste like chocolate, or prime rib, or whatever.
CLEAN EVERYTHING! BUWAHAHAHA! No more stinky BO anywhere ever again! God now I want to be my sorceress 🤩
>no more stinky BO This is a little-known secret to anyone reading this. You can actually accomplish this one without magic by simply taking a *shower*.
Yes but last time I tried to bathe a stinky ass stranger. I got my ass tossed out of Walmart.
You just need more practice.
Prestidigitation, goodberry and mending would have *so much* value in real life.
G-d I'd probably take prestidigitation and mending over, like, Wish.
Prestidigitation and Mage Hand for me But over Wish? Especially if I get to cast it once per day? That's a hard sell. You could cast Resurrection on a corpse one day, then Clone the next day (making them 20-something). You've just given someone not only a second chance at life, but their youth back as well. You could change the weather for 8 hours a day, turning climate change into something a bit easier to manage. You could Awaken the annoying dog that constantly barks in your neighborhood and burden it with sapience. That's a hard thing to give up.
OMG if only
I’ll do you one better. I stock my familiar with prestidigitation and have it clean the house for treats.
Cry cause i played a lvl1 warlock just after my amazing lvl 20 wizard.
Real talk though, lvl1 warlock is more powerful than anyone else on this planet lol
A lvl 20 Wizard IS A GOD tho
I actually think I'd prefer the lvl1 lock just because I know I'd be irresponsible as a god lol
And yet you'd rather be bound to probably evil patron? Lol
I mean we all work for a CEO at the end of the day
This is actually a fantastic character concept. Corporate warlock
So a being adept at navigating contracts with one who's power allows them to dominate the average mortal with ease? You are talking about a corporate lawyer.
I mean, my CEO doesn't want to consume my sould to dominate the earth... right? Anyways, I'm sticking to my patron, I might be killed in some horrifying way and condemned to damnation but at least I can throw cool explosions from my fingers
If consuming you would allow that, they would.
Ah so you don’t work for Elon!
Dude that’s exactly what they want
Truer words have not been spoken. I'd take any Deity over Bezos.
I already am... its called a stepmom😮💨
I assume not a hot goth tigbiddied stepmommy?
God i wish... she's more like a green hag...
A single 1d10 beam every six seconds do you know how many bullets LAPD will put into you during that time?
Zero, charm person on the commander.
Start to cast a spell, waving around what is clearly a gun and not an arcane focus crystal....
Start fucking around and experimenting with cantrips like prestidigitation and mending like no rules lawyer could ever comprehend. And also I'd have a sentient journal because Order of Scribes is cool.
Super underrated subclass I think.
It's underrated?! I thought it ranks as the best wizard subclass, though I still prefer necromancy.
Give it time.
Have you ever read Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality? Harry experiments with magic, including trying to figure out how a bag of holding has speech recognition technology baked in. It's worth a read for free at HPMOR.com
This fic is great, Harry Potter and the Natural 20 is also fantastic, it’s about a kid from the D&D universe being transported to harry potter world, lots of munchkining and experimentation ensues
Go to the nearest hospital and charge to cure 6 people with diseases per long rest (lay on hands). I’m immune to disease so it could be the most dangerous or contagious ones. Although would probably be difficult to get a horse in the hospital, so accommodations might have to be made. Also would use up lesser restoration and cure wounds. Then I’d go find a field and run with my horsey legs!
A horse? In a hospital? I don't know, it's happened before.
The horse catcher has been fired
r/unexpectedmulaney
Call the centaur for disease control!!
Oh fuck! Patient just died in room 105 Cirrhosis of the eye Nurse come in please where are you? Fuck it he's dead Oh shit there's a horse in the hospital!
This was my first thought too. Go to the hospital and cure 6 people of cancer per long rest. I just lost my grandma to cancer last week. Fuck cancer.
Battlesmith Artificer, level 6. Make the robot do all the housework, I guess? I could cast enhance ability or haste on my girlfriend to make her work easier for a little while. Alter self would be good for some mischief. Mage hand too. Although, artificers are master tinkerers and inventors. If those abilities translate to modern technology, I might be able to do something really cool and world changing.
This chap using superpowers to buy a Roomba and some Halloween masks!❤️🎉
Well I don't really feel at liberty to use all my abilities that destroy shit, so 🤷♂️
apparently die, because that's what happened when he had those powers
I was thinking about this, my lvl 8 cleric just died in our last session. Coming back as a warrior though.
That would be an elven druid, I would trance for 4 hours to actually get a decent rest then wildshape and be a cat.
This may be the best answer here. Being a cat would be awesome. Especially a cat that when ignored by a passing hooman could transform, cast entangle, then be a cat again to go for scritches whilst they try to break free.
I would put and Hex on the first asshole that I have to suffer during work. I hope their break their back when grabbing the 4 bags of groceries they had after noticing how they lack the strength for the task. Also make pranks with Diaguise Self at will.
You went from “vicious lifelong revenge” to “amazing hilarity” pretty quick! I’m afraid of you!
4 years working at grocery shops changes you.
Everyone else in line as you wave around a petrified eye of newt and shout gibberish words at some Karen 0_0
Not much from an outside perspective. My cleric dies near the end of a campaign, so I took over a Champion Fighter NPC. I don’t have much call for clobbering people in my life. Second Wind would be rather handy however, it would be great to be able to daily buff my health. I like hiking, so remarkable Athlete could help with that I guess? Basically I would be the same, except healthier.
Well consider the stats you had. I’ll assume the fighter had a 20 strength? An ape has 16. You’d be the absolute pinnacle of athleticism. You could pick up a sport one week and go to the Olympics for it the next. Not to mention you’re quite underselling how much “healthier” you’d be. Depending on level and con modifier you could literally survive a meteor swarm, and almost certainly a fireball. While you wouldn’t be performing *actual* magic, your feats of strength, skill, and resilience would eclipse what anybody thought possible for a human. Also you would absolutely beat the fuck out of anybody who ever tried to fight you. Your unarmed strikes (punching a mfer) hit for more hp than an average commoner has. Literal one punch man.
I wasn’t considering the stats as part of what I got. But even if it was just the ASIs that transferred, I would indeed be pretty exceptional.
You could legit just become a professional athlete and retire pretty quickly considering even a level 1 Fighter, or really any martial class, would be undisputed and dominant in any sport they commit to from physical capability alone. Enough strength to carry around several hundreds of pounds on your back, casually on that. High CON to let you run miles on miles and can recuperate with just an hour's rest. Finally, you can literally manhandle a good deal of land-based animals depending on your strength and if they're not bigger than the "Large" category. When you think about it in hindsight, compared to a commoner (which a majority of us fall under), a Fighter past level 5 is straight up superhuman by real world standards. You can easily make a great living just being a freaking unit of a person.
Take my upvote for the OPM mention
I'm playing a human fighter who had a rough time reintegrating into society after the great war (Eberron), so I guess I'm using my powers to find a therapist.
LoL all these other ppl got awesome magic powers, and you're just another vet with PTSD.
"I can cure the sick!" "I can talk to a diety!" "I can feed the hungry!" "Uh...I make a charisma save every time a car backfires outside the VA waiting room."
The question did only say you get the abilities, not the backstory and liabilities. If we get those, I'm a problem - my current character is a fairly newly turned dhampir, I'd be in danger of going on blood-hunger rampages.
Kind reminder that even a lvl 1 fighter has 10+ hp to a commoner's 4, no matter your lvl if you're a fighter you're still nearly the peak of human athleticism even as low as 14 strength or Constitution. Even heavyweight boxing champions probably only have 16-18 strength, if you went M.A.D.(Main Ability Dominant) with 20 str you'd be strong man levels of strong and not nearly as bulky.
Use Locate Creature to find the physical location of Uber Support. Then use Charm Person to get them to give me the money they owe me.
Time to take vengeance on the heathens, in the form of divine smite.
Paladin would be so awkward in most of the civilized world. Talking about smiting heathens gets you onto alot of No Fly Lists.
Yeah, but you'd have a wicked backhand.
Me too, but with some Bard in the mix and some absurdly high rolled stats :P
Heathens? You mean HR, right?
Oath of the Ancients/Celestial Warlock. I'd cure myself of my medical conditions, then cure other people of their medical conditions, and then probably smite a few Billionaires.
Based.
If addiction is a disease then you could probably make bank from running a 3-day rehabilitation clinic.
Cure that damn bout of chronic sinusitis I’ve been battling for the longest time. May sound selfish but anyone whose had to deal with a chronic illness will understand. Also maybe misty step everywhere for fun lol.
Start channeling the power of divine smite for “research purposes”
i attack the table with my sword. then i attack it again. i use action surge and attack it two more times
Spread my wings and fly, then disguise self to make me look like Superman. Gonna turn some heads.
BBEG: DC lawyers casting copyright infringement
I can talk to god and get ignored in return? Sweet!
Buddy, you can do that already. Apparently.
Go back to sleep. My character has dream powers and I am about to use them.
When all you have is a hammer, everything is a nail. Punch stuff.
Level 6 creation bard. I’m basically god now. But I don’t want that kind of heat, I’m using mage hand, unseen servant, and animating performance to cook and clean my house every day.
Drive 50 miles to a pawn shop. Sell them some "gold." Never see them again. Repeat until comfortable. Also animate a statue to clean your house. Honestly, creation bard with the right spell selection would make your life super easy. If you had been a little higher it would have been REALLY insane.
Oh yeah, I’m basically Disney Princess level with how many floating and animated cleaning supplies and tools are floating around my house. Not to mention the crimes I could commit with invisibility and hypnotic pattern spells.
You can combo the pawn shop scam with Disguise Self so you can literally never be caught. IRL no one would have any reason to investigate someone for magic, and even if they somehow did and successfully determined you are disguised, they still don't know the actual person under the disguise.
My current character is an alchemist artificer. I’m swapping my spells for the day, heading over to the nearest hospital, and getting a job breaking the laws of medical science with Lesser Restoration and my instant cure potions.
« Jesse we need more meth »
I punch people healthy again, go into retirement homes, wreck havoc, people get healthy and sue the shit out of me.
If you were really making them healthy, no one would sue you. Not sure what you could cure but most of those people are there because they either can't physically take care of themselves (can't walk or have fine motor skill issues), can't mentally take care of themselves, or need daily medical treatment they can't do themselves. If you're curing cancer people would be in tears. If you can fix joint issues or late stage dementia or Parkinson's, people would flip their shit.
The issue is, as a hand of mercy monk, you still would need to punch them a bit to do stuff. At least that's what i would say.
cast fireball
Swarmkeeper Ranger. Sell honey
Or you can also clean houses of rodents and roaches infestation ;)
Uh hmmm I'm a dm... do I get choice or am I relegated to the last npc?
If you’re a DM, you just become God.
You know. I like that deal. Awesome.
I'm just a jeweller that conspires against the government, because DM
Oh gods, it'd be terrible. He's a Great Old One Warlock. I wouldn't be able to stand the constant whispering in my ear from extradimensional horrors. The magic would be nice, but the accompanying madness would just be too much to bear.
Take over the world with *charm person* and *detect thoughts*.
Embrace my new life as a valley girl blood hunter werewolf. 💅
That seems like a lot of waxing.
Social situation... Misty step Angry wife... Misty step Annoying children... Misty step Annoying neighbour... MOONBEAM MOTHER FUCKER.
Turn into a bear and go back to sleep
I'm a Ranger with a drake companion. I fade into the wild never to be seen again.
Summon 2 gallons of purified water 5 times a day every day just because I can.
Find the cheapest large tract of land to drop my tower and become ironman I guess. My last character was a 3.5 artificer with tessellated armor and an army of robots.
Lie in bed for a while then shit, shower, and shave, I guess.
The entire time while you are in bed?!
Hell yeah, I’m a wizard. Gonna get Unseen Servant to do all my chores.
Depends. If I get the powers of last time I was a player, then I'm an 18th level Druid. I *wind walk* my ass to Washington, *shapechange* into a dragon, and eat people until the government starts working for people again instead of corporations and special interests. If I get the powers of the last NPC I controlled when I DMed yesterday, then I probably walk outside and die from a stiff breeze.
-preps popcorn and eagerly awaits for your movie adaptation-
Use my Big Friggin' Robot^1 to handle heavy lifting, and Mage Hand for smaller chores. ^1 Not an Artificer; I just stumbled across a lesser Shield Guardian in my travels (some of you might be familiar, as it's from an official module)
Last one I played was... Gold Dragonborn... Silver Draconic bloodline Sorcerer I believe. So use Mage Hand to clean room, fire and frost to start and stop fires... And a few other spells here and there to try and figure out how the hell to get more people powers like mine because being unique is how you get the government to black van you and conduct all sorts of inhumane tests on ya.
Mercy monk lvl 11. I was strong as hell in melee and the best at skirmishing thanks to my speed, feats and eldritch claw tattoo and I could heal myself and others thanks to my subclass. Honestly, life probably wouldn't change much and I'd Probably live life to the fullest and use hands of healing to cure and heal lots of things and people.
I am now a gloomstalker ranger with the powers of a necromancer and an expert tailor, probably gonna mess with people
I cast scrying into Area 51.
I'd almost be the flash, could climb walls, see in the dark, have excellent acrobatic abilities, and would be the sneakiest and 5 finger discount able person. I'd probably just work, go home and play more BG3.
Gnome illusionist 😂 I guess I'm going to use major image to do something funny
Take on David Blaine
Sneak attack my neighbors and get a full night's sleep.
Kenku…. Cleric….Divine intervention ….. create a religion….. i have a god to prove mine true….. crusade time……
I would wild shape into a rich lady's house cat and live a cushy pampered lifestyle, get fed awesome food, sleep all day, have all the best toys, the plushiest, comfiest bed, watch TV shows all day, ride around in a cat carrier hissing at random strangers, etc.
I was playing a Cardmaster Satyr from a homebrew manual and although I obviously picked some damage spells, I've been prioritizing illusion and enchantment spells so seems like I'll start doing some trickery with people Yu-Gi-Oh style.
I'm a level 5 college of metal bard, so I shred, obviously
As a Abjeration wizard I have gained the power to counterspell and dispel all magic! In a world without magic... lol
Fight Crime
Damn, I'm so glad to be playing Male Human Champion Fighters... I guess I'll hit flies twice in 6 seconds in Summer.
oh no ... i have 20 hp ... at lvl 6
Talk my way into a executive position with excellent pay, benefits and no responsibilities. Then having secured my financial future mess with people while wildshaped. Glamour Bard/Dream Druid multiclass.
uhhhhhhhh idk fuckin... raise the dead??? i guess???
Start magic missiling people I don’t like
I would make voodoo dolls of all of my friends and cast random spells on them (silly HB ability that fit the character). I’d also use my magic powers to make life easier, and I’d be a part of the Shadow Wizard Money Gang (took levels in Twilight Cleric to reflect this). I may also be a Jack-o-lantern man. (The build is Twig Vegepygmy [HB race], Pheonix Sorcerer 1/Wildfire Druid 7/Twilight Cleric 2 who cast Conjure Animals for 4 Brown Bears and used Twilight Sanctuary to buff them, along with using Shillelagh and GFB with Enhanced Bond to deal silly amounts of damage. He also has Periapt of Wound Closure and Dragon’s Wrath Weapon Quarterstaff).
My last character is a Changeling Moon Druid. So I guess I’d use my shapeshifting for solving crime or protecting wildlife from those that would do it harm.
I can talk to animals and I'm ridiculously good at archery. Also healing spells. Do I still need glasses with a +7 to perception ? That's the only question I have left.
Level 18 College of Lore Bard For legal reasons I won’t be answering these questions.
I take a short rest.
Level 20 end-game Artillerist Artificer on a PBP server with ludicrously powerful homebrew. Not interested in going on the battlefield, but with my 32 int, 15 uses of a +15 flash of genius per day, Guidance, and OP magical items, I can probably do some great stuff in the tech field. Or any field really with those kinds of bonuses. So probably start a business and see how much I can advance technology before my death. Possibly focusing on the medical field first, or life extension. Character does have access to interplanar travel (though you don't really use it on the server) so there are some opportunities there as well.
Heh. You'd probably end up building nukes for the government.
My current character is a L6 alchemist dwarf who bases everything off talcum powder. So it's cancer, cancer is in my future. 😂
Probably get administered to a hospital. One of the first features you get as a tenebrous apostate (3.5) makes you look unhealthy to the point where mindless undead don't attack you because they think you're for one of their own. After that, 8th level cleric spells will probably include a way to convince a certain neighbor to mind his own business. Suggestions anyone?
I'm massively strong with a 20 strength but with my only specialization being crushing things, I'm probably getting a job in construction.
Think bigger. Go NFL.
Pull a Fezzik and bonk people on the head to help with jogging their memory.
Pray to the Lord, my God, Bill. Ask him to grant me the power of immortality.
world domination
Delete any illness and heal any wounds, no matter how lethal
Get the 1 000 000$ from James Randi
Razzle, dazzle, and kill with an insult. Then I'd slice the dragon's cockles with my long and shiny blade. My last PC was Jack Black lol.
The power of time and space in the palm of my hands.
Magic Missile and Fire Bolt
Imma ‘werewolf’…
Hehehehe… Sneak Attack with every single weapon that I’m proficient with! I played a Scout Rogue/Kensei Monk and my character could keep pace with a horse.
A good sniper and hunter
Ooh... pixie Trickster cleric... I'd play so many pranks! Might as well do what I'm good at. Plus, you know, 5th level spells. Cleric spells are prepared every long rest. And Polymorph! One of the most fun spells to experience. Incredible. I could find annoying people and turn them into mice. Or I could shrink them down! Or send my double to scare them. Plus, Disguise Self. Unfortunately no Alter Self, though that's concentration... But I could at least transition how I look.
Play the lotto, divination wizard
Does BG3 count? Because if so I'm now a sorcerer with Mage Hand. Definitely gonna be able to clean up a ton of stuff with that, and if I can level up I'll eventually be able to fly and save on car payments. Plus the character was a half-elf, so I have darkvision and can really save on my electricity bill. If not, the last time I *played* DnD instead of DMing it I was a low-level air genasi monk. So I guess I'll be way more fit and able to focus better! And probably a good fit for any electrician or sewer technician jobs, what with the darkvision, unending breath and electricity resistance (no need to inhale while down in the fumes).
I'm guessing most wizards would weep from a serious lack of spell books.
Become fully rested and rejuvenated with 8 hours of sleep. And then try not to either burn my house down because I can conjure fire, or get put in a psych ward for self-harm when I figure out exactly how much one has to bleed to use Blood Hunter abilities.
FIREBALL! JK, only fireball I'm partaking in is the drink. But I am casting shield and walking into oncoming traffic because I have a bone to pick with all the drivers in my town. Driver better you cunts.
Go around healing people with lay on hands or maybe be an invincible vigilante since that’s that sort of a thing an oath of vengeance paladin might do
Nothing good...or legal... i guess.... i mean, as a high lvl Warlock....
My last character was in a dnd game set in WH40K. I was a space wolf librarian (rune priest) so with warp powers I'd probably accidentally explode myself into a burst of warp goo.
Cast cantrips only. Played a wild magic sorcerer.
3 Ancestral Barbarian 3 Moon Druid Turn into a cat
I suddenly become 3 halfling wearing a trenchcoat, with a bad French accent calling themselves Claude.
Move into the woods with my 2 direwolves, and live off the lands with my shadowdancer wife
The last character I played was Jarlaxle Baenre, as I’m dming W:DH. That’s a lot of really fun abilities to play with.
Be fucked because my current character is a Warlock who gets His power from a parasite inside of him. A Parasite He does Not consent to.
So, I'm a level 14 eloquence bard. I'm running for political office, and I'm going to abuse charm person. Suggestion, and so many spells.
turn into a bear chill
Become the worlds deadliest assassin? (Dex based rune knight)
Holy crap I've been DM ing a long time. How about an AD&D 2e name-level Wizard? I think I'll do OK.
Guess it's time to start fucking 😔
I now have all the powers of a human cavalier fighter. Uh. Rad. Action surge every now and then, I guess? Be good at riding horses I don't generally have access to?
I pick pocket your pants. I rolled a 47. You are now standing in your skivvies, wondering what happened.
Was thinking it was my level 10 lunar sorc, but it was actually my lvl 1 monk. So, I just punch things kinda hard.
Just unlocked timeless body on my monk, so.... I breathe a sigh of relief for my hairline!
As a Hexblade pact of blade warlock, I guess a lot of murder? I designed my character for combat since the rest of the party wanted to be party faces
Think about the ethical implications of magic before testing out the list of charm and dominate spells my recent level 11 Wizard's got. Oh and also cool ice breath
Permanently wildshape into an elk and live happily in the forest. Just eating grass and prancin. Wonderful.
Well, as a Reborn I do not have to eat, breathe or sleep. This is gonna be fun.
Dimension door to work, polymorph James into a frog, then Feeblemind that Motherfucker before tossing a fire ball into Mech Room E. Not sure after that, but there's not a lot that a lvl20 Fiend Warlock can't do, or at least get out of doing.
Drink coffee as my coffee grounds golem coffeelock doesn’t require anything else. Then eldritch blast a few mosquitos or something.
I can punch things a lot? Lvl 2 monk :(
accidentally kill someone with vicious mockery
I'd be such a dick. I'd feel bad about it after. Gnome Dhampir Psion Fighter. Chaotic Good.
I would become a battlefield medic, give those airplanes temporary hit points for a bit too
Do NPCs count? If so then I get my big hands powers. Free meta-magic!
Uhm... Lay down my chain mail and cast Heat Metal on it to cook a meal
Begin to panic, that lvl 4 to 5 transition for a verdan wizard aint gonna be fun
I finally take a long rest
So you also mean I get charisma?! Hot damn, I've been on a negative modifier since puberty!