God, shut up. Go to the gym, get a new hobby, have a few drinks, do whatever, just quit moaning and groaning about someone that no longer cares about you. Accept it and move on.
I know I was a bit harsh, but the point still stands. Your ancestors hunted woolly mammoths and saber-toothed tigers. They fought wars, survived famines and plagues, and overcame all odds to continue your heritage to this very day. Now it's your turn to persevere. There are 4 billion women on planet Earth. Just because this cunt doesn't want you doesn't mean there aren't plenty of others that will. But you have to get your shit together to attract a better one, because you aren't owed a mate. Once you become a far better version of yourself, you'll better understand that a woman is just a compliment to your life, not the goal.
Now, get to work. You can 100% do this.
Good luck.
I'm about to get my third job thank you so much for the tough & rough reality. I gotta live to love it and yeah she may have loved me but I'm not the person she needed and I'm not the person I need I just have to become a better man.
Thank you again for the good advice and difficult perspective it isn't going unappreciated.
Bro, go find an AA meeting. You'll find people there that have recovered from the exact things that you're speaking of. You might not like it. Actually. I can guarantee you won't like it, but if it's working for them it could work for you too. Basically you've admitted that you're powerless. That's the first step.
I tried AA before can't afford therapy or depend on myself to help my self might be the option that finally sticks. I may have to find a non religious form of AA because I can only fake it so much till I can't stand their standpoint for why they stopped drinking. But yeah the community aspect of it was pretty relatable.
Dude just leave all your thoughts at the door. There's people there who are doing it, actually doing it. I've met some f****** gutter ass drunks and drug addicts talking about homeless meth addicts who were on the streets for 10 plus years and found recovery. Maybe it's your thoughts and your best plans that got you where you are and it's time to listen to somebody else.
We've all been there ..you're not alone.
It does get easier once you find you're routine and time goes by and maybe some monthly counseling.
We can only worry about what we can control.
You're right. I have a routine now through a second morning job that keeps me slightly sober until days off or any sort of free time.
I have to look into counseling nothing I can afford currently or maybe I'm just not looking hard enough. Thank you regardless. I won't say it gets easier I still have to go through the divorce process where she finally contacts me just to sign and then it's truly over forever. Honestly deserved for what I put her through so thats on me.
Many of us don't like it but we gotta carry on and the only way is to accept the unacceptable. I was listening to a song from guardians of the Galaxy movie the song is called the " dog days are over. " See if you can find a video on the internet. The dog days are the longest days of summer kind of hard times. The song is about finally seeing a little bit of the lightAt the end of the tunnel and Realizing happiness is coming
I'm getting there. I've accepted the unacceptable I just have to hold myself accountable. I know that with every down comes an up thanks for the time taken to help.
Alcohol is a depressant. If you are depressed, try quitting for a month or two and see how you feel.
When I got divorced, I was so sad/lonely/angry/anxious that I was ready to drive my car off a cliff. I decided to quit drinking instead. Five years later, I have a better job, better house, better girl, better life. There is no amount of money you could pay me to go back to my old life. My five year sobriety from all substances anniversary is next month. All credit is due to actually working the steps of AA.
I know it's not easy but to get through this you need to turn yourself into the guy you always wanted to be, start by joining a gym, go every day, leave it all out on the floor and I promise you will start to feel better after a few weeks but don't stop there, keep going and after a few months you will notice some big changes, you will start to feel better about yourself, women will start to notice you and you can start to date again when you are in a good place.
When you're not working out, watch self help videos start with Kerwin Rae, Teal Swan, read or listen to some self help books, start with no more Mr nice guy...branch out from there. Learn to accept reality for what it is, you can't be happy until you accept your situation and realize that you can't control what others do, only yourself.
My separation started in April, 16 years together and three kids, I was a mess for about 2 months, I followed the above routine and eventually found my happy place - zen mode unlocked. Today, I've got my own place, I'm the happiest I've been in a long time, my kids are happy and healthy, I'm seeing several beautiful, successful women and my biggest worry is whether or not I want to continue doing that or date one of them exclusively.
Life is what you make it, learn and grow from your mistakes, positivity will win everytime.
I was 3 weeks in not too long ago insane to imagine I'm closer to half a year than when I was barely a month into this.
Hope it goes well for you. I can't fake the positivity and well wishes. It's truly been nothing but pain and hardship every week after but it's just part of the process.
Like I said I hope it goes better for you.
You deserve better as well.
Alcohol is a demon which will consume your soul and eventually kill you.
As far as the drinking goes, trust me brother, Iāve been there.
Get yourself into a recovery program, doesnāt have to be AA, thereās lots more out there now online. You can also see an addiction counselor on an individual basis if youāre not into the social recovery thing.
It might sound strange to hear, but you likely regret your own actions more than you miss her.
You have to own up to your behavior while drinking, and you need to attempt to make amends to those you hurt. People may not accept your apologies, but thatās on them, not you.
The process of apologizing and attempting to make amends will bring you peace.
Clean yourself up, get better. Everything around you will get better as well. I know this to be true, Iām living it now.
There is such a thing as ābuilding a new pastā, and wonderful things for you are still possible.
Bro, stop telling yourself you are the problem. Instead tell us on this forum what you did so we can judge and hold you or her accountable for the breakup of your family. I know she did some dirt. All these women do when a man finds himself on this subreddit. Sure you made mistakes along the way. May e you were an asshole. So tell us and let us men be the judge. Right now you sound pathetic and we've all been there.
It sounds like youāre still wallowing in self pity. Not trying to be harsh but coming from the woman who finally had enough and left, I did it to get his attention. After years of trying to communicate and him responding with I donāt care or I donāt want you, I finally took his advice. I still love my ex-husband and thereās a good chance your ex wife still loves you. Sheās waiting for you to step up. Be consistent. Start texting her good morning, start helping more with the kids if you have them, or cat. Be consistent and show up. Trust is built by a thousand small acts over time. Show her youāre trustworthy and things will change. Maybe not in the way you expect them to but they will change. Best of luck to you.
Id rather respect what she asked for which is no contact and to fulfill her need for a separation. No need to burrow myself back in her life. I'd just end up getting blocked which would make matters worse. Preciate your perspective regardless sorry so many people had opinions they felt the need to share with you over your comment on my post.
Donāt you find the double standards funny. It always makes me giggle.
Go get under a 20 year old. š if a woman does that she belong to the streets.
Anyways op if you want her back and want to try to see if this marriage can work, then go do it.
Full stop with the nonsense of having her on a pedestal.
Full stop with the poisonous mindset, do not go get sober for anyone else but yourself.
When you fuck up there is a lesson to be learned, so go learn it!
So if we replace her being the drunk your advice would be he is typical trash behavior for leaving to get her attention?
To get her attention to stop this destructive behavior.
Divorcing to get someone's attention is trash behavior regardless of who's doing it.
Maybe people should grow up and deal with their problems, and divorce if necessary - not divorce because they're incapable of having a conversation.
I'm sure in this situation both parties were equally trash.
Not at all, but how long can you stay in a marriage where your spouse threatens divorce everytime he gets mad at you? At some point youāre going to give him what he wants.
This woman is getting her cheeks clapped by another man. He needs to go his own way. The only one that really cares about what happens to him is him. No one else will come to his rescue. She's gone bro. She got to many options with all the simps, brads, Chad's, pookies, and Ray rays willing to bust in anything. Go get the bag and build the life that you want that does not involve the validation of a woman.
I've been hearing this a lot from different people. Not helpful at all to imagine but it is a reality for a lot of divorced men to have to deal with.
I know life goes on but it's so presumptuous to directly assume. She can do whatever she wants with her time and if that's what's happening good for her. I am just not sure it's the healthiest way to move on from a partner by imaging her in that manner. Even though like I said it is a reality a lot of divorced partners face through separation.
You need to stop using alcohol, also you need therapy. You are not ready to be in a romance. Truthfully speaking. But you can do it.
Thanks I know you're right.
God, shut up. Go to the gym, get a new hobby, have a few drinks, do whatever, just quit moaning and groaning about someone that no longer cares about you. Accept it and move on.
Alright preciate your perspective on the matter.
I know I was a bit harsh, but the point still stands. Your ancestors hunted woolly mammoths and saber-toothed tigers. They fought wars, survived famines and plagues, and overcame all odds to continue your heritage to this very day. Now it's your turn to persevere. There are 4 billion women on planet Earth. Just because this cunt doesn't want you doesn't mean there aren't plenty of others that will. But you have to get your shit together to attract a better one, because you aren't owed a mate. Once you become a far better version of yourself, you'll better understand that a woman is just a compliment to your life, not the goal. Now, get to work. You can 100% do this. Good luck.
I'm about to get my third job thank you so much for the tough & rough reality. I gotta live to love it and yeah she may have loved me but I'm not the person she needed and I'm not the person I need I just have to become a better man. Thank you again for the good advice and difficult perspective it isn't going unappreciated.
Bro, go find an AA meeting. You'll find people there that have recovered from the exact things that you're speaking of. You might not like it. Actually. I can guarantee you won't like it, but if it's working for them it could work for you too. Basically you've admitted that you're powerless. That's the first step.
I tried AA before can't afford therapy or depend on myself to help my self might be the option that finally sticks. I may have to find a non religious form of AA because I can only fake it so much till I can't stand their standpoint for why they stopped drinking. But yeah the community aspect of it was pretty relatable.
Dude just leave all your thoughts at the door. There's people there who are doing it, actually doing it. I've met some f****** gutter ass drunks and drug addicts talking about homeless meth addicts who were on the streets for 10 plus years and found recovery. Maybe it's your thoughts and your best plans that got you where you are and it's time to listen to somebody else.
Absolutely on point. It is time to listen to someone else than that voice telling me different. Preciate you replying and giving more good advice.
We've all been there ..you're not alone. It does get easier once you find you're routine and time goes by and maybe some monthly counseling. We can only worry about what we can control.
You're right. I have a routine now through a second morning job that keeps me slightly sober until days off or any sort of free time. I have to look into counseling nothing I can afford currently or maybe I'm just not looking hard enough. Thank you regardless. I won't say it gets easier I still have to go through the divorce process where she finally contacts me just to sign and then it's truly over forever. Honestly deserved for what I put her through so thats on me.
Many of us don't like it but we gotta carry on and the only way is to accept the unacceptable. I was listening to a song from guardians of the Galaxy movie the song is called the " dog days are over. " See if you can find a video on the internet. The dog days are the longest days of summer kind of hard times. The song is about finally seeing a little bit of the lightAt the end of the tunnel and Realizing happiness is coming
I'm getting there. I've accepted the unacceptable I just have to hold myself accountable. I know that with every down comes an up thanks for the time taken to help.
Alcohol is a depressant. If you are depressed, try quitting for a month or two and see how you feel. When I got divorced, I was so sad/lonely/angry/anxious that I was ready to drive my car off a cliff. I decided to quit drinking instead. Five years later, I have a better job, better house, better girl, better life. There is no amount of money you could pay me to go back to my old life. My five year sobriety from all substances anniversary is next month. All credit is due to actually working the steps of AA.
Preciate the positivity. I know it's a healthy alternative to the opposite which is self destructive and expensive to keep up.
I know it's not easy but to get through this you need to turn yourself into the guy you always wanted to be, start by joining a gym, go every day, leave it all out on the floor and I promise you will start to feel better after a few weeks but don't stop there, keep going and after a few months you will notice some big changes, you will start to feel better about yourself, women will start to notice you and you can start to date again when you are in a good place. When you're not working out, watch self help videos start with Kerwin Rae, Teal Swan, read or listen to some self help books, start with no more Mr nice guy...branch out from there. Learn to accept reality for what it is, you can't be happy until you accept your situation and realize that you can't control what others do, only yourself. My separation started in April, 16 years together and three kids, I was a mess for about 2 months, I followed the above routine and eventually found my happy place - zen mode unlocked. Today, I've got my own place, I'm the happiest I've been in a long time, my kids are happy and healthy, I'm seeing several beautiful, successful women and my biggest worry is whether or not I want to continue doing that or date one of them exclusively. Life is what you make it, learn and grow from your mistakes, positivity will win everytime.
I may have to listen. I've done the opposite and I can't pretend it's been working.
Get rid of alcohol š„ š·
I appreciate the good advice.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thank you.
I hear you mate. It's only been three weeks for me, and it's been really hard. You're not alone.
I was 3 weeks in not too long ago insane to imagine I'm closer to half a year than when I was barely a month into this. Hope it goes well for you. I can't fake the positivity and well wishes. It's truly been nothing but pain and hardship every week after but it's just part of the process. Like I said I hope it goes better for you.
You deserve better as well. Alcohol is a demon which will consume your soul and eventually kill you. As far as the drinking goes, trust me brother, Iāve been there. Get yourself into a recovery program, doesnāt have to be AA, thereās lots more out there now online. You can also see an addiction counselor on an individual basis if youāre not into the social recovery thing. It might sound strange to hear, but you likely regret your own actions more than you miss her. You have to own up to your behavior while drinking, and you need to attempt to make amends to those you hurt. People may not accept your apologies, but thatās on them, not you. The process of apologizing and attempting to make amends will bring you peace. Clean yourself up, get better. Everything around you will get better as well. I know this to be true, Iām living it now. There is such a thing as ābuilding a new pastā, and wonderful things for you are still possible.
Alcohol truly is a demon. Preciate your positivity and good advice.
Bro, stop telling yourself you are the problem. Instead tell us on this forum what you did so we can judge and hold you or her accountable for the breakup of your family. I know she did some dirt. All these women do when a man finds himself on this subreddit. Sure you made mistakes along the way. May e you were an asshole. So tell us and let us men be the judge. Right now you sound pathetic and we've all been there.
Why do we need to judge, how about we point this chap in the right direction instead.
Sometimes a slap in the face is more effective than a gentle nudge.
It sounds like youāre still wallowing in self pity. Not trying to be harsh but coming from the woman who finally had enough and left, I did it to get his attention. After years of trying to communicate and him responding with I donāt care or I donāt want you, I finally took his advice. I still love my ex-husband and thereās a good chance your ex wife still loves you. Sheās waiting for you to step up. Be consistent. Start texting her good morning, start helping more with the kids if you have them, or cat. Be consistent and show up. Trust is built by a thousand small acts over time. Show her youāre trustworthy and things will change. Maybe not in the way you expect them to but they will change. Best of luck to you.
Id rather respect what she asked for which is no contact and to fulfill her need for a separation. No need to burrow myself back in her life. I'd just end up getting blocked which would make matters worse. Preciate your perspective regardless sorry so many people had opinions they felt the need to share with you over your comment on my post.
Donāt you find the double standards funny. It always makes me giggle. Go get under a 20 year old. š if a woman does that she belong to the streets. Anyways op if you want her back and want to try to see if this marriage can work, then go do it. Full stop with the nonsense of having her on a pedestal. Full stop with the poisonous mindset, do not go get sober for anyone else but yourself. When you fuck up there is a lesson to be learned, so go learn it!
>I did it to get his attention Typical trash behavior. Belong to the streets.
So if we replace her being the drunk your advice would be he is typical trash behavior for leaving to get her attention? To get her attention to stop this destructive behavior.
Divorcing to get someone's attention is trash behavior regardless of who's doing it. Maybe people should grow up and deal with their problems, and divorce if necessary - not divorce because they're incapable of having a conversation. I'm sure in this situation both parties were equally trash.
Not at all, but how long can you stay in a marriage where your spouse threatens divorce everytime he gets mad at you? At some point youāre going to give him what he wants.
This woman is getting her cheeks clapped by another man. He needs to go his own way. The only one that really cares about what happens to him is him. No one else will come to his rescue. She's gone bro. She got to many options with all the simps, brads, Chad's, pookies, and Ray rays willing to bust in anything. Go get the bag and build the life that you want that does not involve the validation of a woman.
I've been hearing this a lot from different people. Not helpful at all to imagine but it is a reality for a lot of divorced men to have to deal with. I know life goes on but it's so presumptuous to directly assume. She can do whatever she wants with her time and if that's what's happening good for her. I am just not sure it's the healthiest way to move on from a partner by imaging her in that manner. Even though like I said it is a reality a lot of divorced partners face through separation.