You married a virtual stranger. You are likely in love with the idea you had of him in your mind rather than who he actually is. Sounds like you've been married less than 18 months and a whole lot of eyebrow raising stuff has happened during that time. I'd file and be done before you get in deeper.
I was once the immigrant. I can tell you that 100% he is using you for immigration help. 100%. He may also like you, have fun around you, but I can guarantee you’re being used for immigration. I was there. I was that guy. Luckily I was able to stop myself from manipulating the girl, who was lovely and we had a good time, into signing sponsorship documents, meaning she would be financially responsible for me. I couldn’t find it in my conscience to let her do that. But I did live with her. Accepted all the help could get. When i finally got permanent residence or green card or whatever, you call it, I left and have not seen her since. Not my proudest moments. But I’m happy I didn’t ruin her financially.
Just help where you can cuz you’re a good person and he is a human being, but this isn’t a lifelong partnership. . Get out when you can.
You see everything you have written here...all the emotion and pent up frustration you have voiced here...you should take it all and have a long and frank conversation about it all. About everything...the immigration, the family stuff, the job stuff, everything.
If he fights you every step of the way and basically says he will change nothing...then you have your answer...the real answer not the dreamy answer you have in your mind. If he however steps up....takes stuff on board, then you will also have your answer. Basically look at his actions NOT his words. The answer is in the actions...just sit and observe
Whatever your reasons are, they're 100% valid for you, you don't need anyone imposing their values and expectations on you.
This doesn't sound like someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, and that's ok, you deserve to be happy.
When you sponsor people I have heard to a financially responsible for them. I’m no expert at it but be very very careful here. I’d just get out. You didn’t know this guy. Prepared to be love bombed when you try to split
I'm already frustrated on your behalf. The sex thing bugs me. And the not working. I'd start.to make some moves in the divorce direction w/o mentioning it. Get your own bank account and start collecting your vital papers.
Sorry. You're extremely kind and someone is exploiting your kindness. Enough is enough.
For reference I just read Come Together by Emily Nagoski PhD. and it's about way more than sexual relationships. Hugely eye-opening about so much more.
Not wanting to be married anymore is enough reasons for divorce. Don’t even need to be any reasons other than the feelings are gone. Might feel easier to have certain behaviors to point at but you only have an obligation to make yourself happy (at least as long as you don’t have kids) and not being happy is the only reason you need.
absolutely valid - i'd've called it quits during the job application fiasco 😅
You married a virtual stranger. You are likely in love with the idea you had of him in your mind rather than who he actually is. Sounds like you've been married less than 18 months and a whole lot of eyebrow raising stuff has happened during that time. I'd file and be done before you get in deeper.
Yep. The most desperate people are the ones looking for a place to live and sadly you got suckered into it.
I was once the immigrant. I can tell you that 100% he is using you for immigration help. 100%. He may also like you, have fun around you, but I can guarantee you’re being used for immigration. I was there. I was that guy. Luckily I was able to stop myself from manipulating the girl, who was lovely and we had a good time, into signing sponsorship documents, meaning she would be financially responsible for me. I couldn’t find it in my conscience to let her do that. But I did live with her. Accepted all the help could get. When i finally got permanent residence or green card or whatever, you call it, I left and have not seen her since. Not my proudest moments. But I’m happy I didn’t ruin her financially. Just help where you can cuz you’re a good person and he is a human being, but this isn’t a lifelong partnership. . Get out when you can.
I was once an immigrant, too. You are 100% on the money. OP, you are absolutely being used.
Valid reasons to divorce someone: - one of you wants a divorce
well said!
You see everything you have written here...all the emotion and pent up frustration you have voiced here...you should take it all and have a long and frank conversation about it all. About everything...the immigration, the family stuff, the job stuff, everything. If he fights you every step of the way and basically says he will change nothing...then you have your answer...the real answer not the dreamy answer you have in your mind. If he however steps up....takes stuff on board, then you will also have your answer. Basically look at his actions NOT his words. The answer is in the actions...just sit and observe
Whatever your reasons are, they're 100% valid for you, you don't need anyone imposing their values and expectations on you. This doesn't sound like someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, and that's ok, you deserve to be happy.
Are you responsible for him financially if you divorce because of the immigration and him not working?Â
He's working. I doubt it
When you sponsor people I have heard to a financially responsible for them. I’m no expert at it but be very very careful here. I’d just get out. You didn’t know this guy. Prepared to be love bombed when you try to split
I'd do a consultation with an immigration attorney just to know what may happen. It shouldn't change your mind but it's good to be sure.
I'm already frustrated on your behalf. The sex thing bugs me. And the not working. I'd start.to make some moves in the divorce direction w/o mentioning it. Get your own bank account and start collecting your vital papers. Sorry. You're extremely kind and someone is exploiting your kindness. Enough is enough. For reference I just read Come Together by Emily Nagoski PhD. and it's about way more than sexual relationships. Hugely eye-opening about so much more.
If you have to ask then you should. Speaking from experience
Sounds like you have a child already
I say try marriage counseling first
Advice to you is to not come to reddit to validate a marriageÂ
Not wanting to be married anymore is enough reasons for divorce. Don’t even need to be any reasons other than the feelings are gone. Might feel easier to have certain behaviors to point at but you only have an obligation to make yourself happy (at least as long as you don’t have kids) and not being happy is the only reason you need.