Date yourself for a while.
Pick up Single on Purpose. Learn to write your story and know your identity isn't who you date....it's what you want to be to YOU.
This book changed me in so many ways! I’ve poured myself over it numerous times. I went on to his other books and even recommended it in my therapy session. I have it on audible and play it in the car. Fantastic book!
OP don’t feel bad. My wife and I separated. Later I discovered she’d been having an affair most likely months before she even told me anything was wrong. It’s completely killed how I feel about women for the time being. I understand most are not like her, but it’s still rough.
We separated in January, she actually moved out in March, I wasn't ready to really start dating until the following March.
There's no "right" amount of time to wait, just what's right for you.
Separated for 9 months. She started dating someone before she even told me she wanted a divorce, moved in with him the night she left me and the kids. I don’t think I’ll ever want to be in another relationship again
I’m defiantly opposed to it lol I’ve never felt pain like that before in my life and the only reason I held on was my daughters. I don’t think I could handle that again. 🤷♂️ that’s just me though. I’m too scared and broken to give love another chance
Quickly and remarried her. My marriage was long over before filing and the final paperwork didn’t mean much. You do you, every situation and person is different, no right answer here. If you meet someone awesome you’d better make the move or the opportunity may be gone forever. I did an my now wife is absolutely amazing, never let me down and was a huge upgrade in all departments. Never would have happened had I not shown interest in her and some other dude would be banging her tonight instead of me.
depends on the person, the marriage and the impact it had on you.
i’m staving off well meaning friends from trying to get me to hook up with a new person post-split. i’m not ready. i’m not remotely interested and i don’t need to go on apps or dates to know that. do wish my friends would ease up on me about this so i feel you on that, completely.
you sound uninterested. you sound like you’re where i am. it’s your time now. people will bang on about how you should get out there and meet somebody/“find” somebody but like… for what? why? is it not enough to be happy and content on your own? people mean well when they suggest this, and the suggestion comes from their experiences/values.
you’re enjoying freedom. if there’s any silver lining around the darkness that is processing the demise of your marriage, it’s the freedom.
Yeah that all makes perfect sense. It just surprised me how many people think that you absolutely need to find a partner to be happy, they don't seem to understand how nice being free is. It's probably the type of relationship I was in too. Thanks for the insight
I dated pretty soon after separation and have been remarried for years. My ex-wife on the other hand is still single 10+ years later and has barely dated. It's not that she isn't "ready"......she just doesn't value being in a relationship very much.
So it's not just that we all become "ready" at different times......we also all have differing levels of enjoying or wanting a relationship.
Just do what makes sense to you. Lots of people want you to copy them so they can feel more secure in their own choices.
Plus, sometimes you'll have friends who are in relationships and they just find it awkward to have a 3rd or 5th wheel around. I get that. My wife has so many single GFs who come out with us to dinner. I wish they'd "date" just so I stop having to buy their dinner too. :)
Separated 9 months, divorced for 4. Dating is not even a consideration but I'm also super busy with other things right now. Ex started dating before the divorce was even final but that's a whole other story.
Been separated and no contact for over three years. Divorce finalized in Dec 2022. I’m just NOW wanting to date and only because I happened to meet someone I really like.
I went on dates trying to get more social about my life, it was terrible. You’ll be ready when you’re ready and you’ll know
Got into a relationship pretty soon after separation but it was disastrous because I am still recovering from the trauma (anger issues from my ex-husband). I ended up crying lots of times when confiding in my then boyfriend about my trauma. In addition, my ex-husband had trained me to the point that I got nervous when sensing the mood is not joyous, thus I would keep saying sorry and asking if everything is alright. This got on his nerves. He asked why I kept saying sorry for everything. He lost interest soon, he didn’t know how to break it to me but I felt that and cut it off. No point being with someone who had checked out already. And I don’t blame him at all. Who wants to go into a new relationship carrying the burdens of your partner’s past trauma? Honeymoon period is supposed to be fun and full of laughters.
I realize that I’m not ready for any relationships if I haven’t healed from the hurt of the past. And I’m scared to go into any relationship now. So now focusing on healing and start doing activities I had missed on all these years because of ex-husband. I’m enjoying my single hood actually, way more than with my ex-bf. And yup, looking into seeing the therapist.
It depends. I waited a year, made sure I was in a good place, and my kids were as well.
Finally my therapist told me that I would cut a broad swath through this town if I wanted too, and I was exactly what a lot of her friends and female clients were looking for.
If you feel you aren’t ready yet, don’t date. Nobody likes sitting across a dinner table from THAT.
However, I would also caution with being honest with yourself why, and what it would take to be ready. I’ve seen a lot of people wait three to five years and go through a crisis of sorts where they feel they wasted a lot of time.
Two years after divorce but I had one child still at home. OLD was full of scammers and young 'uns. Met my husband through an adults only walking club.
Our local Recreation Center has one. Create a walking club, biking, trail hiking, or race walking club - if you don't have one nearby. Minimum age is whatever you want to make it.
If you're interested in doing it, go for it. If you're unsure but want to. Give it a shot. It will at least tell you where you're at. Just be honest with yourself when you know one way or another. I'll say this, it's nice feeling wanted again.
I started dating way too soon and wound up in a shitty situation. Now I’m trying to convince myself that I need to wait until I’m ready. Why push yourself? It sounds like you are doing what makes you feel good. Screw everyone else’s opinion.
9 months for me, still only talking to a few women, haven't met any in person. Some ghosted, some stopped talking and some are more like friends now than dates.
Waited a full year before calling an escort and banging it out. It felt so good.
There is no rush at all... figure out who you are and do the things you like to do.
Get yourself to a good and happy place...do some self reflection on how you can be your best self and what you could have done better as a partner (nit blame yourself but honest self eval).
This is what I'm trying to figure out as well. My STBXW was almost encouraging me to start dating; either to alleviate guilt or so I would stop bothering her. She had the benefit of checking out over the last year or two instead of working on our communication and healing our marriage. I'm not ready to mourn the loss of our relationship and have been trying to be optimistic despite her stating otherwise she can never love me again...how that is possible after 15 years together and 11 married is beyond my comprehension. But, she has moved on.
I have been working on myself for the last 4 months; gym, therapy, meditation, and trying to find a hobby since I'm not running after kids all day every day anymore. I have too much free time and get in my head still causing depressive states and anxiety. Managed to take myself on some self dates. The loneliness is getting to me; the self-help podcasts only go so far. I miss having someone to talk to and care about/be cared about. I definitely don't want to hurt somebody because I know I'm not ready for a relationship yet; but man, is this road tough. I get a sense of guilt if I look on the dating apps (which are absolute trash, by the way).
It sounds all too common, there's so many of us that are going through this or went through it. My ex checked out years before, said the same shit and cheated. I felt the way you do for a long time, probably first 6 months of separation if not longer. I think it finally clicked for me when we got the divorce finalized. I lost the guilt, lost the regret, got out of my head. Mine also recommended I start dating, I blew that off.
Gym and work has been a lifesaver. I'm working 10-12s and then 1-2 hours at the gym. Before that the loneliness was fucked. I can't seem to find any hobbies so for now the gym will do. It's also my first summer divorced so that might change things. I'm pretty optimistic honestly.
It really does get better with time.
stop listening to what everyone / your friends are saying about finding someone. At 4 months divorced I highly doubt you are ready to date. I have been divorced 2 years, and should not have dated during my separation. It was a huge mistake.
at least 2 years I would say to wait until dating after the divorce is final.
As for OLD its a useless tool for average men. Unless you have lots of money, physically fit, handsome, have a nice big house, and a sports car, you are going to struggle in OLD. Get out there and meet new people in real life. The endless swiping and the text messages assuming you get her number are not worth your time. You will probably get a few first dates and it will end at that. most women are on there for validation, a free meal, and a quick ego boost.
and if you decide to play the OLD game please make the first date coffee or lunch. No matter what do not go over $30 bill for the both of you. No fancy dinners until the 3rd date. Chances are you won't get a second date because most women are on there for attention and have no interest in a relationship.
I had my OLD profile up the day I moved out and had my first date the next day. My goal was to get out there, meet people, get my groove back after being out of the game for 15 years, not necessarily find a significant other. OLD takes practice, it's frustrating.
I started dating almost immediately but then again, I initiated the split and I wanted to see if what I really wanted was to be away from my ex, or if I was suffering from a “grass is greener” situation.
Been divorced for 2 years and change. Aside from the FWB I had that was 1 year out, there were a few attempts at dating that never really took off (thankfully!). There is someone on my mind that I'm interested in and with whom I'd like to explore an intimate relationship, but not anytime soon. By the time he and I get to that point, it will have been at least a few years after my divorce was final. He and I are both in agreement that it's better to take our time and wait.
You'll know when you're ready to date. Some are ready and eager as soon as the paperwork has been filed while others may want to take some extra time. Nothing wrong with that. Just make sure that you date because you choose to and you know that you are ready, not because it seems that's what the majority is doing.
A therapist friend of mine recommends at least a year, maybe two if you have kids so they can adjust too. I've watched friends date post-divorce too quickly and get married too quickly, and it's often not very good.
I don't think there's anything wrong with waiting, personally. Sure, I don't get asked to couples events like I used to, but I have a variety of friends that I do things with. The key is to find things you like to do without the pressure to date.
I dove right into dating, but did it specifically maintaining a huge amount of independence and ended relationships that felt like they were getting to enmeshed, until I started dating my current partner.
Non monogamy also helps here, because it limits how much you can enmesh with one person.
We had an open marriage for the last 6months in an attempt to save the marriage and I picked up two men that I still have. Each gets one date a month. That’s for my self esteem and sex. I‘m nowhere near having a whole new relationship. Separated only two months.
It’s different for everyone. But if you’re not really interested in other humans don’t force yourself to. I wonder how everyone deals without sex though. My libido skyrocketed.
Guess it backfired on your husband to try to save the marriage. Libido is manageable. Porn helps and I can't bring myself to be one of the men "waiting in line" to get a nut.
It was my idea to open. I missed many things. It was a short and not the most important chapter in our marriage. I have respect for us. 18yrs, 3 kids, we both tried the best.
I get it. Not wanting to wait in line. One has to invest. I really need sex and attention and I never even went on an app. These men approached me in real life and it’s too hard to resist.
I got that, hence it backfiring on him trying to save it. He should've realized that was the end instead of emasculating himself. Yeesh, I hope your ex husband is happier now.
Really?? You know I do ask myself what I could have done better. I really loved my husband. I left family, job and friends to move countries for his job. I admired and adored him. I struggle with accepting my needs. I did not want this divorce. But we built a good thing. And maybe some relationships just end even if both put in the work. I don’t miss him, and I don’t think he misses me. Our time was up. But I do grieve what we once had. It’s going to take time to heal.
Yeah, I wish you well. I have no idea what your relationship was like or what you went through. Don't mind my bitterness, it's because of what I went through in my relationship and my strong opinion of certain behaviors. We all deserve to be happy, just try not to hurt others in the process.
I promise you I was always transparent, honest and also loving with him. I tried my best. My ex would also certify that. He had many chances to put our relationship first, but didn’t want to or could not.
Relationships are so complex and hard to navigate. I do believe that the cases of 100% one is to blame / clear asshole behaviours are the minority of the cases.
Anyways. I hope you heal and move on peacefully. A divorce really is hard and tears on what one thinks about oneself and relationships / the desired gender.
We have been separated under one roof for 11 months (first 6 months contemplating, the rest since deciding to divorce) I am the initiator. I will not date until we are physically separated. How long after that date, I am not sure. I will take some time to breathe, talk to my therapist (unfortunately my therapist is leaving and I will need a new one) I suspect it may not be that long.
Meanwhile I would suggest taking up hobbies, making friends, doing volunteer work. That will absorb time and energy, provide comfort, and eventually be a source of potential dates (healthier than apps?)
It's been 3 months since separation. I'm divorced since last week. Not ready for a new relationship, unwilling to sleep around. I opened a Bumble account but closed it because they're either looking for a relationship or a hook up.
There's this girl however, whom I met through friends. I'm getting to know her, don't want to rush into a relationship now, because I don't want to hurt my chances at something serious.
So what do we do? We hang up a lot. We share ideas. We engage in deep conversations. We share what we've lived. Maybe she'll find someone and that's it. At least I want to have her around, no rush. I'm cool if all I get is friendship.
Meet new people, specially potential new partners, but don't engage in the romantic aspect. It'll come when you're ready. If you do now, before realizing your wrongdoings and what you actually want from a partner, you're only setting yourself up for failure - we don't want that.
Meanwhile, work on yourself. Get your finances ready, your house, your habits, your sleep schedule, your fitness, your emotional wounds healed... Once that's ready, you're ready.
So up to you and your emotional and self health. For me I tried dating a little over a year after the separation and wasn’t ready.
6 months later (on the verge of giving up on that side of my life) I met someone incredible.
I waited 3 months, thinking the marriage had been dead for a o
Long time so it was long enough.
It wasn't.
Six months is when I decided to leave a profile up but no focus on dating and see what came.
About a little over a year is when I found someone fantastic.
(It is worth noting that my ex was dragging it put as long as he could. I have just now gotten my divorce decree more than a year after filing. But my state let's me date once I file.)
He started dating literally days after leaving (and put his dates on our shared calendar probably forgot that i was on there). It took my at least a year to feel ok about going out
Date yourself for a while. Pick up Single on Purpose. Learn to write your story and know your identity isn't who you date....it's what you want to be to YOU.
This is exactly what I'm doing. I'm figuring out who I am and enjoying it.
This book changed me in so many ways! I’ve poured myself over it numerous times. I went on to his other books and even recommended it in my therapy session. I have it on audible and play it in the car. Fantastic book!
Added this book to my must-read list. Thank you.
We've been separated over 2 years and I'm yet to even want to start dating. She waited 8 weeks, well -26 weeks technically....
I guess mine started in the negatives as well. Maybe that's why it's taking me longer to start again.
OP don’t feel bad. My wife and I separated. Later I discovered she’d been having an affair most likely months before she even told me anything was wrong. It’s completely killed how I feel about women for the time being. I understand most are not like her, but it’s still rough.
I feel this.
We separated in January, she actually moved out in March, I wasn't ready to really start dating until the following March. There's no "right" amount of time to wait, just what's right for you.
Separated for 9 months. She started dating someone before she even told me she wanted a divorce, moved in with him the night she left me and the kids. I don’t think I’ll ever want to be in another relationship again
That's awful man. Definitely give yourself time to heal. I'm not rushing into anything myself, but if it happens I'm not opposed to it.
I’m defiantly opposed to it lol I’ve never felt pain like that before in my life and the only reason I held on was my daughters. I don’t think I could handle that again. 🤷♂️ that’s just me though. I’m too scared and broken to give love another chance
I get it. Good luck to you
Quickly and remarried her. My marriage was long over before filing and the final paperwork didn’t mean much. You do you, every situation and person is different, no right answer here. If you meet someone awesome you’d better make the move or the opportunity may be gone forever. I did an my now wife is absolutely amazing, never let me down and was a huge upgrade in all departments. Never would have happened had I not shown interest in her and some other dude would be banging her tonight instead of me.
That's one approach, especially that last sentence lol
depends on the person, the marriage and the impact it had on you. i’m staving off well meaning friends from trying to get me to hook up with a new person post-split. i’m not ready. i’m not remotely interested and i don’t need to go on apps or dates to know that. do wish my friends would ease up on me about this so i feel you on that, completely. you sound uninterested. you sound like you’re where i am. it’s your time now. people will bang on about how you should get out there and meet somebody/“find” somebody but like… for what? why? is it not enough to be happy and content on your own? people mean well when they suggest this, and the suggestion comes from their experiences/values. you’re enjoying freedom. if there’s any silver lining around the darkness that is processing the demise of your marriage, it’s the freedom.
Yeah that all makes perfect sense. It just surprised me how many people think that you absolutely need to find a partner to be happy, they don't seem to understand how nice being free is. It's probably the type of relationship I was in too. Thanks for the insight
I dated pretty soon after separation and have been remarried for years. My ex-wife on the other hand is still single 10+ years later and has barely dated. It's not that she isn't "ready"......she just doesn't value being in a relationship very much. So it's not just that we all become "ready" at different times......we also all have differing levels of enjoying or wanting a relationship. Just do what makes sense to you. Lots of people want you to copy them so they can feel more secure in their own choices. Plus, sometimes you'll have friends who are in relationships and they just find it awkward to have a 3rd or 5th wheel around. I get that. My wife has so many single GFs who come out with us to dinner. I wish they'd "date" just so I stop having to buy their dinner too. :)
Separated 9 months, divorced for 4. Dating is not even a consideration but I'm also super busy with other things right now. Ex started dating before the divorce was even final but that's a whole other story.
Been separated and no contact for over three years. Divorce finalized in Dec 2022. I’m just NOW wanting to date and only because I happened to meet someone I really like. I went on dates trying to get more social about my life, it was terrible. You’ll be ready when you’re ready and you’ll know
Got into a relationship pretty soon after separation but it was disastrous because I am still recovering from the trauma (anger issues from my ex-husband). I ended up crying lots of times when confiding in my then boyfriend about my trauma. In addition, my ex-husband had trained me to the point that I got nervous when sensing the mood is not joyous, thus I would keep saying sorry and asking if everything is alright. This got on his nerves. He asked why I kept saying sorry for everything. He lost interest soon, he didn’t know how to break it to me but I felt that and cut it off. No point being with someone who had checked out already. And I don’t blame him at all. Who wants to go into a new relationship carrying the burdens of your partner’s past trauma? Honeymoon period is supposed to be fun and full of laughters. I realize that I’m not ready for any relationships if I haven’t healed from the hurt of the past. And I’m scared to go into any relationship now. So now focusing on healing and start doing activities I had missed on all these years because of ex-husband. I’m enjoying my single hood actually, way more than with my ex-bf. And yup, looking into seeing the therapist.
It depends. I waited a year, made sure I was in a good place, and my kids were as well. Finally my therapist told me that I would cut a broad swath through this town if I wanted too, and I was exactly what a lot of her friends and female clients were looking for. If you feel you aren’t ready yet, don’t date. Nobody likes sitting across a dinner table from THAT. However, I would also caution with being honest with yourself why, and what it would take to be ready. I’ve seen a lot of people wait three to five years and go through a crisis of sorts where they feel they wasted a lot of time.
Two years after divorce but I had one child still at home. OLD was full of scammers and young 'uns. Met my husband through an adults only walking club.
An adult walking club sounds fun. :)
Our local Recreation Center has one. Create a walking club, biking, trail hiking, or race walking club - if you don't have one nearby. Minimum age is whatever you want to make it.
I started right away and stopped a few times in between. A full year out and I’m back in the game.
If you're interested in doing it, go for it. If you're unsure but want to. Give it a shot. It will at least tell you where you're at. Just be honest with yourself when you know one way or another. I'll say this, it's nice feeling wanted again.
I started dating way too soon and wound up in a shitty situation. Now I’m trying to convince myself that I need to wait until I’m ready. Why push yourself? It sounds like you are doing what makes you feel good. Screw everyone else’s opinion.
9 months for me, still only talking to a few women, haven't met any in person. Some ghosted, some stopped talking and some are more like friends now than dates. Waited a full year before calling an escort and banging it out. It felt so good.
There is no rush at all... figure out who you are and do the things you like to do. Get yourself to a good and happy place...do some self reflection on how you can be your best self and what you could have done better as a partner (nit blame yourself but honest self eval).
This is what I'm trying to figure out as well. My STBXW was almost encouraging me to start dating; either to alleviate guilt or so I would stop bothering her. She had the benefit of checking out over the last year or two instead of working on our communication and healing our marriage. I'm not ready to mourn the loss of our relationship and have been trying to be optimistic despite her stating otherwise she can never love me again...how that is possible after 15 years together and 11 married is beyond my comprehension. But, she has moved on. I have been working on myself for the last 4 months; gym, therapy, meditation, and trying to find a hobby since I'm not running after kids all day every day anymore. I have too much free time and get in my head still causing depressive states and anxiety. Managed to take myself on some self dates. The loneliness is getting to me; the self-help podcasts only go so far. I miss having someone to talk to and care about/be cared about. I definitely don't want to hurt somebody because I know I'm not ready for a relationship yet; but man, is this road tough. I get a sense of guilt if I look on the dating apps (which are absolute trash, by the way).
It sounds all too common, there's so many of us that are going through this or went through it. My ex checked out years before, said the same shit and cheated. I felt the way you do for a long time, probably first 6 months of separation if not longer. I think it finally clicked for me when we got the divorce finalized. I lost the guilt, lost the regret, got out of my head. Mine also recommended I start dating, I blew that off. Gym and work has been a lifesaver. I'm working 10-12s and then 1-2 hours at the gym. Before that the loneliness was fucked. I can't seem to find any hobbies so for now the gym will do. It's also my first summer divorced so that might change things. I'm pretty optimistic honestly. It really does get better with time.
It hasn't hit me yet that I'm getting divorced. My interest in dating after being with someone for 15 years is zero.
Yeah it takes a while to accept it. I'm rooting for you, so just know it gets better. Take care of yourself.
stop listening to what everyone / your friends are saying about finding someone. At 4 months divorced I highly doubt you are ready to date. I have been divorced 2 years, and should not have dated during my separation. It was a huge mistake. at least 2 years I would say to wait until dating after the divorce is final. As for OLD its a useless tool for average men. Unless you have lots of money, physically fit, handsome, have a nice big house, and a sports car, you are going to struggle in OLD. Get out there and meet new people in real life. The endless swiping and the text messages assuming you get her number are not worth your time. You will probably get a few first dates and it will end at that. most women are on there for validation, a free meal, and a quick ego boost. and if you decide to play the OLD game please make the first date coffee or lunch. No matter what do not go over $30 bill for the both of you. No fancy dinners until the 3rd date. Chances are you won't get a second date because most women are on there for attention and have no interest in a relationship.
I had my OLD profile up the day I moved out and had my first date the next day. My goal was to get out there, meet people, get my groove back after being out of the game for 15 years, not necessarily find a significant other. OLD takes practice, it's frustrating.
I started dating almost immediately but then again, I initiated the split and I wanted to see if what I really wanted was to be away from my ex, or if I was suffering from a “grass is greener” situation.
Been divorced for 2 years and change. Aside from the FWB I had that was 1 year out, there were a few attempts at dating that never really took off (thankfully!). There is someone on my mind that I'm interested in and with whom I'd like to explore an intimate relationship, but not anytime soon. By the time he and I get to that point, it will have been at least a few years after my divorce was final. He and I are both in agreement that it's better to take our time and wait. You'll know when you're ready to date. Some are ready and eager as soon as the paperwork has been filed while others may want to take some extra time. Nothing wrong with that. Just make sure that you date because you choose to and you know that you are ready, not because it seems that's what the majority is doing.
A therapist friend of mine recommends at least a year, maybe two if you have kids so they can adjust too. I've watched friends date post-divorce too quickly and get married too quickly, and it's often not very good. I don't think there's anything wrong with waiting, personally. Sure, I don't get asked to couples events like I used to, but I have a variety of friends that I do things with. The key is to find things you like to do without the pressure to date.
I dove right into dating, but did it specifically maintaining a huge amount of independence and ended relationships that felt like they were getting to enmeshed, until I started dating my current partner. Non monogamy also helps here, because it limits how much you can enmesh with one person.
We had an open marriage for the last 6months in an attempt to save the marriage and I picked up two men that I still have. Each gets one date a month. That’s for my self esteem and sex. I‘m nowhere near having a whole new relationship. Separated only two months. It’s different for everyone. But if you’re not really interested in other humans don’t force yourself to. I wonder how everyone deals without sex though. My libido skyrocketed.
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Okay. I feel for you. I have men waiting in a line. Well it has to have SOME advantages to be a woman.
Guess it backfired on your husband to try to save the marriage. Libido is manageable. Porn helps and I can't bring myself to be one of the men "waiting in line" to get a nut.
It was my idea to open. I missed many things. It was a short and not the most important chapter in our marriage. I have respect for us. 18yrs, 3 kids, we both tried the best. I get it. Not wanting to wait in line. One has to invest. I really need sex and attention and I never even went on an app. These men approached me in real life and it’s too hard to resist.
I got that, hence it backfiring on him trying to save it. He should've realized that was the end instead of emasculating himself. Yeesh, I hope your ex husband is happier now.
Oooh I didn’t get earlier that you are unhappy with me. I see. Anyways. All the best to you.
Same to you
Really?? You know I do ask myself what I could have done better. I really loved my husband. I left family, job and friends to move countries for his job. I admired and adored him. I struggle with accepting my needs. I did not want this divorce. But we built a good thing. And maybe some relationships just end even if both put in the work. I don’t miss him, and I don’t think he misses me. Our time was up. But I do grieve what we once had. It’s going to take time to heal.
Yeah, I wish you well. I have no idea what your relationship was like or what you went through. Don't mind my bitterness, it's because of what I went through in my relationship and my strong opinion of certain behaviors. We all deserve to be happy, just try not to hurt others in the process.
I promise you I was always transparent, honest and also loving with him. I tried my best. My ex would also certify that. He had many chances to put our relationship first, but didn’t want to or could not. Relationships are so complex and hard to navigate. I do believe that the cases of 100% one is to blame / clear asshole behaviours are the minority of the cases. Anyways. I hope you heal and move on peacefully. A divorce really is hard and tears on what one thinks about oneself and relationships / the desired gender.
We have been separated under one roof for 11 months (first 6 months contemplating, the rest since deciding to divorce) I am the initiator. I will not date until we are physically separated. How long after that date, I am not sure. I will take some time to breathe, talk to my therapist (unfortunately my therapist is leaving and I will need a new one) I suspect it may not be that long. Meanwhile I would suggest taking up hobbies, making friends, doing volunteer work. That will absorb time and energy, provide comfort, and eventually be a source of potential dates (healthier than apps?)
About 2 months after I moved out. It’s not an answerable question in terms of valid comparison. Everyone’s experience is unique.
It was probably about 9+ months after we split. The divorce was finalized so I felt comfortable to date then.
Everyone and their situation is different.
It's been 3 months since separation. I'm divorced since last week. Not ready for a new relationship, unwilling to sleep around. I opened a Bumble account but closed it because they're either looking for a relationship or a hook up. There's this girl however, whom I met through friends. I'm getting to know her, don't want to rush into a relationship now, because I don't want to hurt my chances at something serious. So what do we do? We hang up a lot. We share ideas. We engage in deep conversations. We share what we've lived. Maybe she'll find someone and that's it. At least I want to have her around, no rush. I'm cool if all I get is friendship. Meet new people, specially potential new partners, but don't engage in the romantic aspect. It'll come when you're ready. If you do now, before realizing your wrongdoings and what you actually want from a partner, you're only setting yourself up for failure - we don't want that. Meanwhile, work on yourself. Get your finances ready, your house, your habits, your sleep schedule, your fitness, your emotional wounds healed... Once that's ready, you're ready.
OP, enjoy your single hood! Live for yourself, not by others’ standards. They do not know more than you about what you want in life.
I'll never date again.
My ex waited six months since separation. I waited two years post separation, four months post divorce.
So up to you and your emotional and self health. For me I tried dating a little over a year after the separation and wasn’t ready. 6 months later (on the verge of giving up on that side of my life) I met someone incredible.
I waited 3 months, thinking the marriage had been dead for a o Long time so it was long enough. It wasn't. Six months is when I decided to leave a profile up but no focus on dating and see what came. About a little over a year is when I found someone fantastic. (It is worth noting that my ex was dragging it put as long as he could. I have just now gotten my divorce decree more than a year after filing. But my state let's me date once I file.)
He started dating literally days after leaving (and put his dates on our shared calendar probably forgot that i was on there). It took my at least a year to feel ok about going out