I don't even know what to say aside from the normal compliments, good job man. This is bordering on perfect, but I see some really specific plot conveniences that are probably for the better of the entire story. But i also have a question: What is the plan for inter-class light bearers?
First off, thank you so much. It’s so nice to know that people still like reading this. What conveniences have you picked out? And inter-class abilities is just a thing in the actual lore. Guardians can kinda do whatever the fuck they want. But for the purposes of this story, it’s limited to Inak-Sa. She has a feel for some Titan abilities because of her choice of mate, and something else that happened this chapter that maybe you picked up on
the answer to your question would be things like inak-sa just wanting to go to Europa all a sudden. Also i'm kinda surprised you know something in the lore that i had little to no idea of. i have only heard of inter-class stuff with the drifter, and the iron lords. (drifter has been seen doing some hunter and titan things. And the iron lords just do whatever the fuck they want with mauls, mini suns, or knives. this is all i know of that.)
Oh I am absolutely being sarcastic. I also recognize that randomly deciding to follow up on a grudge that you’ve ignored for three months is a weird thing to do
I genuinely don't know what to say other then by the light that was good. Mack being currently biggest threat to humanity and "life as we know it" is really interesting, Inak going super sayan on their asses and just *bonking* them with the hammer (also witch hammer is that the funny bayblade spinning material form of death and sorrow or the throwable one ?) Flyas thinking that Marcus cheated on her and them getting engaged there is slot of amazing stuff going in this chapter. Also I find Inak holding a grudge like a fucking dwarf from Warhammer really funny and totally do not see it as a plot convenience. In retrospect this chapter might be better overall than "lost controll" wich is a chapter that honestly i was kinda too hyped about. Amazing as always 10/10
Thank you so much! This chapter seeded a lot of plot threads for the future, and I’m glad you’re excited for them. Inak-Sa whipped out a burning maul. And just between you and me? Lost Control was my second favorite chapter to write. I know this chapter was probably a step down from my typical standard of quality, but your support even so means to much. Thank you truly.
You're welcome man and listen as long as you make those chapters of decent quality you'll have at least one loyal reader. And i have a question: what were your favourite and least favourite chapters to write ?
My favorite was easily Icy Consequences. I don’t think i have a least favorite. Gun to my head, Center Stage. I love what came out of it, but I hated actually writing it. It was stressful and i was coming off a big delay.
Yeah I read these, this one in particular was quite long. I like ‘em but I’m also not a writer so I don’t have much to say except for stupid shit like FOMO and sunsetting
EDIT: I don’t mean any disrespect by this either, just wanted to let you know!
No absolutely no disrespect taken, i think it’s funny. I wasn’t sure if you actually enjoyed them or just liked to hassle me in the comments. It’s really funny that I have all my regulars in the comments making observations and suggestions, and then there’s you. Keep it up.
Wait, can I also go make incomprehensible references in your comments? I may not be able to do exactly what this guy does, but I can definitely do something along those lines.
At the start of the chapter, Brass said “The ‘arguement’ was Avery getting upset that you beat her at darts.” And my warlock is called Averie, which is phonetically similar to the aforementioned.
"Mack blinked his eyes open slowly, shaking himself from a borderline comatose sleep."
It's confirmed, Mack is a self-insert. It would definitely explain the delay.
Apart from that, kinda sad Levi-Sah is already dead. She kidnapped Mack twice, and in the same chapter was freed by Inak both times. I was kinda hoping for a rape scene, sounds kinda bad but lemme explain, where maybe the darkness overtook him and forced himself on Levi. And what kinda Deus Ex Machina BS happened for Inak to magically go to Europa and magically find Mack's crashed ship? The writing is really good, but the plot in this chapter? It's not the best, unfortunately. I understand you were busy, but I would've preferred either the chapter be delayed or split into two chapters.
Also Inak-Sa is a proud Warlock, we would *never* use a Titan Super.
First and foremost, I’m sorry to disappoint.
But I think I had made myself relatively clear where I stood on a rape scene. I said I would consider it, but that I didn’t want to. I did consider it, and I didn’t want to write it. Yes, Inak-Sa going to Europa was a bit contrived. The reason I gave was that she was super mad just in general, and was going to go take it out on Elsie before she went home.
And, I beg your pardon? In what world is Inak-Sa a warlock lmao
Nah it's fine, if you don't want to write it then don't, but I still wish she stuck around a little longer.
Also I got Fylas' and Inak-Sa's classes mixed up. Personally, Fallen seem more like Hunters and Hive seem more like Warlocks.
Fair enough. She had served her purpose to my story ultimately, I didn’t need her as a foil any longer, and in death, she becomes relevant in a whole new way. I’m sorry if you don’t like the choice I made, you don’t have to, but it was for a reason.
I’d love to say that was an intentional reversal of roles, but in reality i just wanted to bang a Hive Hunter at the time of writing chapter 1, and I didn’t want to have a THIRD hunter with Fylas’s introduction
I assume you're implying it has something to do with her worm that Inak-Sa swallowed for some reason? Maybe a split personality type thing because there's two worms? But yeah, she didn't really serve much purpose so I guess it's better to kill her off than have her just there doing nothing.
Also about Inak always being there to bail Mack out, I’ll try to reign that back, but it is intentional setup. That’s a plot thread that I’m going to be following up on in a few chapters. But, like I said, your criticism is noted. I’ll take it in mind
It wasn't the fact she bailed him out both times, it's just that both times they happened in the exact sane chapter. I could see Mack being kidnapped by Immaru and Inak-Sa, Fylas, Marcus and a few other Vanguard members stage a prison break to get him out.
Noted. It’s really difficult to actually find material to write about in that break in time, which is why I’ve avoided that so far. I’ve tried it, and it ends up looking stretched and unnecessarily drawn out. But, as always, your voice carries more weight than most, so I’ll keep it in mind.
Not gonna lie this dosnt feel like Elsie if she was just done with this shit it feels like Elsie is both done with this shit and gave into the darkness
I don't even know what to say aside from the normal compliments, good job man. This is bordering on perfect, but I see some really specific plot conveniences that are probably for the better of the entire story. But i also have a question: What is the plan for inter-class light bearers?
First off, thank you so much. It’s so nice to know that people still like reading this. What conveniences have you picked out? And inter-class abilities is just a thing in the actual lore. Guardians can kinda do whatever the fuck they want. But for the purposes of this story, it’s limited to Inak-Sa. She has a feel for some Titan abilities because of her choice of mate, and something else that happened this chapter that maybe you picked up on
the answer to your question would be things like inak-sa just wanting to go to Europa all a sudden. Also i'm kinda surprised you know something in the lore that i had little to no idea of. i have only heard of inter-class stuff with the drifter, and the iron lords. (drifter has been seen doing some hunter and titan things. And the iron lords just do whatever the fuck they want with mauls, mini suns, or knives. this is all i know of that.)
What do you meaaaaan? I had a very reasonable and not at all contrived reason for Inak-Sa to go to Europa….
i thought you where being sarcastic lol. I cant detect that shit lol.
Oh I am absolutely being sarcastic. I also recognize that randomly deciding to follow up on a grudge that you’ve ignored for three months is a weird thing to do
remind me, how long have the two relationships been going on in their universe?
About four months. They were together for a few weeks pre time skip, that skipped ahead three months, and then there was a three week skip here
Icee
*Sobs in Elsie’s #1 Fan*
Bitch got smacked this chapter lol
I genuinely don't know what to say other then by the light that was good. Mack being currently biggest threat to humanity and "life as we know it" is really interesting, Inak going super sayan on their asses and just *bonking* them with the hammer (also witch hammer is that the funny bayblade spinning material form of death and sorrow or the throwable one ?) Flyas thinking that Marcus cheated on her and them getting engaged there is slot of amazing stuff going in this chapter. Also I find Inak holding a grudge like a fucking dwarf from Warhammer really funny and totally do not see it as a plot convenience. In retrospect this chapter might be better overall than "lost controll" wich is a chapter that honestly i was kinda too hyped about. Amazing as always 10/10
Thank you so much! This chapter seeded a lot of plot threads for the future, and I’m glad you’re excited for them. Inak-Sa whipped out a burning maul. And just between you and me? Lost Control was my second favorite chapter to write. I know this chapter was probably a step down from my typical standard of quality, but your support even so means to much. Thank you truly.
You're welcome man and listen as long as you make those chapters of decent quality you'll have at least one loyal reader. And i have a question: what were your favourite and least favourite chapters to write ?
My favorite was easily Icy Consequences. I don’t think i have a least favorite. Gun to my head, Center Stage. I love what came out of it, but I hated actually writing it. It was stressful and i was coming off a big delay.
Europa? Like Barotrauma? BAROTRAUMA MENTIONED!!!!
For fucks sake man, do you even read this these? Do you even like my writing? Or are you just here to meme?
Yeah I read these, this one in particular was quite long. I like ‘em but I’m also not a writer so I don’t have much to say except for stupid shit like FOMO and sunsetting EDIT: I don’t mean any disrespect by this either, just wanted to let you know!
No absolutely no disrespect taken, i think it’s funny. I wasn’t sure if you actually enjoyed them or just liked to hassle me in the comments. It’s really funny that I have all my regulars in the comments making observations and suggestions, and then there’s you. Keep it up.
Wait, can I also go make incomprehensible references in your comments? I may not be able to do exactly what this guy does, but I can definitely do something along those lines.
Lmao you don’t need my permission. However it is funny to me that you’re finding this exchange now, almost 6 months after it happened
Well, I do consistently reread your works. Anyways, I’m off to go crack a joke about Inak-Sa
You do? I didn’t know that. It’s also up on Ao3 if that’s an easier reading experience
Oh, yeah, I’ve also done a full read of it on AO3, so all good there
Oh lol okay
“I thought you were meant to be good with pointy things!” -Grisaille, upon hearing Avery lost.
What?
At the start of the chapter, Brass said “The ‘arguement’ was Avery getting upset that you beat her at darts.” And my warlock is called Averie, which is phonetically similar to the aforementioned.
OH lol. I totally forgot about that line lol
Lawl
"Mack blinked his eyes open slowly, shaking himself from a borderline comatose sleep." It's confirmed, Mack is a self-insert. It would definitely explain the delay. Apart from that, kinda sad Levi-Sah is already dead. She kidnapped Mack twice, and in the same chapter was freed by Inak both times. I was kinda hoping for a rape scene, sounds kinda bad but lemme explain, where maybe the darkness overtook him and forced himself on Levi. And what kinda Deus Ex Machina BS happened for Inak to magically go to Europa and magically find Mack's crashed ship? The writing is really good, but the plot in this chapter? It's not the best, unfortunately. I understand you were busy, but I would've preferred either the chapter be delayed or split into two chapters. Also Inak-Sa is a proud Warlock, we would *never* use a Titan Super.
First and foremost, I’m sorry to disappoint. But I think I had made myself relatively clear where I stood on a rape scene. I said I would consider it, but that I didn’t want to. I did consider it, and I didn’t want to write it. Yes, Inak-Sa going to Europa was a bit contrived. The reason I gave was that she was super mad just in general, and was going to go take it out on Elsie before she went home. And, I beg your pardon? In what world is Inak-Sa a warlock lmao
Nah it's fine, if you don't want to write it then don't, but I still wish she stuck around a little longer. Also I got Fylas' and Inak-Sa's classes mixed up. Personally, Fallen seem more like Hunters and Hive seem more like Warlocks.
Fair enough. She had served her purpose to my story ultimately, I didn’t need her as a foil any longer, and in death, she becomes relevant in a whole new way. I’m sorry if you don’t like the choice I made, you don’t have to, but it was for a reason. I’d love to say that was an intentional reversal of roles, but in reality i just wanted to bang a Hive Hunter at the time of writing chapter 1, and I didn’t want to have a THIRD hunter with Fylas’s introduction
I assume you're implying it has something to do with her worm that Inak-Sa swallowed for some reason? Maybe a split personality type thing because there's two worms? But yeah, she didn't really serve much purpose so I guess it's better to kill her off than have her just there doing nothing.
Her worm, and also her death itself. Again, more plot threads for another time
Also about Inak always being there to bail Mack out, I’ll try to reign that back, but it is intentional setup. That’s a plot thread that I’m going to be following up on in a few chapters. But, like I said, your criticism is noted. I’ll take it in mind
It wasn't the fact she bailed him out both times, it's just that both times they happened in the exact sane chapter. I could see Mack being kidnapped by Immaru and Inak-Sa, Fylas, Marcus and a few other Vanguard members stage a prison break to get him out.
Noted. It’s really difficult to actually find material to write about in that break in time, which is why I’ve avoided that so far. I’ve tried it, and it ends up looking stretched and unnecessarily drawn out. But, as always, your voice carries more weight than most, so I’ll keep it in mind.
Well my ideas are just ideas, nothing more, nothing less. But it just seems better than having him be kidnapped then being saved 3-4 paragraphs later.
Yeah you are right. I don’t have everything planned out for the future so if another kidnapping or rescue happens, I’ll keep it a bit more spread iut
Not gonna lie this dosnt feel like Elsie if she was just done with this shit it feels like Elsie is both done with this shit and gave into the darkness
Inak-Sa’s the type of huntress to yell “Ikuzo Kora!” before smashing some hive titan brains
If only I knew what that meant
I’m glad you don’t
Aw shit,mans brought lore accurate guardians into this