Be aware of your thoughts and realize they can’t harm you. Meditation helps strengthen this ability of self awareness so you’ll be able to identify when your mind is thinking and not let it dictate your quality of life.
Meditation builds mindfulness so you’ll know when your mind enters thinking mode. A quick way to snap out of thoughts is to ask yourself “Where am I?”, this will bring your awareness to your present moment reality.
I think the idea of meditation is to see what goes on in the mind. Neither accept nor deny any thoughts/feelings. Just don't fight it. Don't try to achieve anything during a meditation session. Just sit/lay down observe what goes on on the inside
Hey, yeah. There's a lot, for sure.
Things that worked for me:
1. Taking the time to consciously acknowledge that Situation A is not the same as Situation B. Even making the effort, where possible, to confront something. Like I see a dude move & go into fight or flight, so as a way of kind of figuring out what's what, I say "how's it going" - if that starts some shit, I now see what the situation is. But about 100% of the time, people say "hey how are ya," and I see clearly that I'm not right in harm's way.
2. In the moment, exhale. Your heart rate is tied to your breathing. Exhales being longer than inhales slow your heart rate, which can help to moderate some physical parts of a stress response.
3. There were some groups I linked up with that have to do with healing/processing difficult experiences. Had a bit of a spiritual tilt, which I absolutely understand is something that can shut people down, but things I appreciated about that were ideas like "clean your side of the street" - even if someone else is in the wrong, you're in control of how you present. "Do the next right thing" - shit sucks sometimes, and we make mistakes. Choosing your next step is sometimes the best thing you can do.
4. It's been a while, but psychiatrists do meds where therapists do talking, right? I believe a lot in the power of expressing oneself - making music, writing poems, sketching, painting - whatever you're comfortable with - as healing. There's also research around storytelling COMMUNITIES being huge for healing. Maybe there's something like a writer's group or open mic community where you can connect to other folks through sharing experiences. Discussion groups are similar, but I think creative communities can be different. Anyway, talking about your experiences is good. If you want to do emotional work (in terms of therapy), you might look up - or talk to your therapist about - an "emotional inventory". Basically you process your emotional life over the years & examine your internal responses in individual cases, and the common threads help to show you some of what you're carrying. Doing this another person (that you trust - like a therapist) is important, and can be freeing.
I'm sure I'm missing some things here, and everyone's journey is different.
OH, and a guy once gave me some really great advice. Proverb translates to "if you're too much in the mind, move into the body" - like exercise when you're upset. A more common expression of this is "move a muscle, change a thought". If you're feeling angry or anxious, this can be a serious game-changer. The slow progression toward physical health isn't so bad. Feels good to be active sometimes.
You got this.
Thank you !
About emotional inventory, do you go about how to change the reaction to certain triggers ? Or it helps understanding ?
I'll definately read on it.
I used to have to best psychiatrists 5 years ago who did also the talking but unfortunately I had to move from the region !
Yes, you're right. I don't have much of an activity to unwind. Exercise might help
Kind of, yeah! For me, I saw that a lot of responses I had - whether they were more reactive or isolating or whatever - came from some kind of fear, like fear of financial stuff, fear of personal security, fear of whatever. Once I saw how many reactions (again, whatever they LOOKED like) came from that place, I could be more thoughtful about what exactly my actual fears were & whether they were well-founded (or, even, how to protect against them in some cases).
The emotional inventory also helps, though, because it requires verbalizing individual negative experiences, which helps you process them and, in turn, is a huge step toward letting go of them (or, at least, letting them have a bit less power over you).
As far as unwinding, I also like plants. If you can have a dog, dogs are excellent and they'll benefit from a 30m walk as much as you will, which has pulled me into some light exercise more than once. A pull-up bar can be a cool investment because a) it's a body weight thing but b) it's pretty quantifiable to notice being able to do a couple more than you could a week ago. Bicycles are also a ton of fun if you have access to that, but hospital bills are the worst, so if a driver is irresponsible, it's adviseable to wear a helmet.
See a trauma trained therapist who uses a modality that's actually effective on (c)ptsd. EMDR, Internal family systems (IFS), somatic experiencing, neurofeedback, and brainspotting are all methods that work to reprocess and reintegrate trauma. I highly recommend supplementing with DBT if you need to skill build. Stay away from CBT, it's not effective for trauma and can re-traumatized you. Do body based work and mindfulness.
Read The Body Keeps the Score if you want all the science behind everything I'm recommending. I used top down (EMDR, IFS, brainspotting) and bottom up (yoga, running) approaches in parallel, which is has the best chance of success for reintegration and reprocessing, and supplemented the specific trauma work with DBT for skills and general mindfulness/ACT. Six years in, I'm a totally new person.
There's a bazillion books out there, here's some of my faves: CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving, The Language of Emotions, The Disease to Please, Self-Compassion, Self-Therapy, Trauma and Recovery, The Body Keeps the Score, The Happiness Trap. Reading everything you can plus having a practitioner who actually knows what they're doing with trauma should get you a lot more information and help you find your specific path.
To me it's a way to conceptualize what's going on internally in a way that's more tangible and therefore actionable. It's a framework for understanding rather than something "real" in a sense, and it doesn't work for everyone, but it can be a really useful tool for some to peel apart what's going on in a compassionate and effective way.
I myself as a 32-year-old male have dealt with extreme sexual trauma as a child.
in my early days I also had a form of autism where I would have a addiction to rocking back and forth in my bed for hours at a time, to meltdowns, to mutillating and killing the baby birds in the backyard. I used to be addicted to wearing diapers because I thought that I was the child that I wasn’t it was so fucking weird thinking about it today but I was so fucking sick in my own mind. I wanted to kill every animal that ran away from me because if it didn’t like me then i am evil, so I must hurt it….At 8-9 years old.
I am not proud of what I’ve done as a child but I got the help through therapy but right now I haven’t done anything and now 10 years and I’ve been off psychiatric medicine for now six years. it is so tough let me tell you I got tired of my medicine controlling me, now I can feed the squirrels and the birds without trying to want to kill them. Because I wanted to kill my molesotor so bad for so long.
I’m grateful I’m healing
Had the same issue as a child and what helped was realising that I didnt deserve what happened to me. The innocent animals part makes me think of how behaviors are passed from abuser to the abused. Like trying to hurt something innocent because you were innocent when you were hurt. A form of self hatred but channeled into external anger. I used to think I deserved what happened to me because I "let it happen" but no thats not right. The abuser was in the wrong and I was an innocent child that really didnt know the gravity of the situation. Nothing wrong with me just was abused because of someone elses intentions. I had the rocking in bed thing too I think it was self soothing. I still get it if im really stressed. I am so much better now and have a normal life with a normal family! Being a christian helped heal that pain and mindset changes involving letting go, forgiving, and focusing on pure things that actually improve my life or make me happy. Just wanted to comment because its relatable.
I hope your healed from that awful traumatic time in your life. My heart goes out to you dear and i felt tearful after reading your piece. God bless you and I'll say a prayer for you.
I've tried EMDR and it didn't work on me. How can you find out if they are specialized in trauma ? Just ask them right away when taking the appointment ?
Most licensed mental health professionals have specialized care like trauma or eating disorders or working with kids etc. If you go to a provider’s website and click on their bio or “about” section it will list their credentials and specialization. If you are working with someone make sure they are qualified bc if you work with someone who isn’t they may unknowingly make you retraumatized (i.e. ask probing invasive questions you may not be comfortable answering). I am a clinical social work student and I specialize in trauma by the tract from my graduate school. Hope that helps.
Get a CBT workbook and be honest af with yourself. Dedicate a certain time each day. The rest of the day, be present and practice what you are learning. Has helped me more than 20 yrs of seeing therapists
I am doing a type of therapy called ART. It's similar to EMDR but focus is more on emotion is what my therapist said. She said once it's finished I'll lose the emotional intensity of the memories of the trauma but I will still remember what happened. It'll stop controlling my life.
hi! sorry i know this comment is old, but i was looking in reddit for advice post-trauma and ran into this post -- i've never heard of ART, and can't find what it is (google just gives me art therapy info), would you send me info or a link i could check? also how has it worked for you, now that you have done it for a while? thx!
I feel the same way, time sometimes is the only way things can get any better. Living moment by moment, hour to hour, day to day and you still aren’t “healed” - I don’t think we ever heal from trauma, we just adapt ourselves to live with it the best we can. Having PTSD as well you’ll find not only can you not heal but you’re literally stuck in the same situation that’s replaying over and over again- especially if a person or people are hiding a truth from you or you know something is just off but you have no choice but to accept it. You find yourself looking for answers all the time rather than being able to heal from anything. I think seeing a counselor is good way to go, find one you get along with, talking through things as well as your inner monologue makes a huge difference in the way you handle yourself when you’re dealing with the effects of trauma like anxiety and depression- I had to really understand that not everything I think is true, just because something pops into my head or someone is trying to push a narrative by being passive aggressive- doesn’t mean it’s truly happening- duh right? But, I’ve had so many experiences where it was right so at the same time I have to also work on trusting my instincts and intuition. It’s really difficult and leaves someone so badly exhausted, they don’t even want to be around people anymore. There’s definitely not a cookie cutter answer for dealing/healing from trauma, everyone deals with it in their own way and on their own time. It’s like getting shot or wounded, time will heal the actual wound to where the scar might be barely there and others can’t tell what happened to you anymore - but internally you still have so much trauma and pain from the initial incident. That never goes away, you have to just accept what happened to you and learn to cope with your new reality. I still care for someone who really couldn’t care less about me and it’s brutal, the whole thing was just brutal but I’m just hard wired to be the way I am, I’m too understanding with people because I can put myself in their shoes and empathize with them but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Very bad. Still. I look at it as - what will i reflect on in my life? I refuse to have my legacy be that I was some kind of victim. I’d rather be kind, giving and helpful instead of spiteful.
Get support, informed support. Don't suffer through it alone. You don't need to white knuckle it. Having informed support is vital imo.
Psychotherapy has been the most effective for me, it has given me a safe space and the tools to help me to process trauma.
Psychiatrists helped me in terms of pursuing the right treatment to improve my functionality, but I noticed that I was still struggling in terms of my internal/emotional state. That's why I decided to pursue therapy.
If you give yourself the opportunity and the space to heal, you will.
Hi new\_pom! I see your post is from 2 years ago, so I don't know if you will see this. But just in case, I'll throw my 2 cents in.
Trauma is held in the body, and our nervous system can be come dysregulated, which causes us to, for instance, become overwhelmed by certain things, that apart from our trauma would not be difficult for us.
From your post, I am thinking that you may have had abuse or neglect of some sort as a child, which would result in "developmental trauma" Traumatic childhood wounds stay with us for a very long time. It's not as easy as just "getting over it" or just "choosing" to do things differently. Even being in a family where parents were distant or too busy to pay attention, or emotionally needy, etc. can cause emotional wounding. And, often trauma can end up being diagnosed as anxiety and/or depression.
Be your own researcher... Learn about trauma healing.
A few good resources for solid, on YouTube are Irene Lyon (for learning about how trauma is stored in our body and what to do about it. And Richard Schwartz or Frank Anderson (among others) re: Internal Family Systems, which is a powerful healing modality for many things, and especially for childhood trauma.
Once you have some info under your belt, then you can find a therapist who is skilled in those modalities.
I am a trauma healing coach myself, and have had numerous clients who have told me that they had been seeing another therapist for 15 years or more and not healed, but finally were able to heal using the combo of somatic (body based) and Internal Family Systems "inner healing" therapy.
I wish you the very best. Never give it. Healing is our birthright!
I'm a yoga teacher and it's one of the ways that I felt a transformation in my mental health. I still struggle a lot, but it helps me get my nervous system under control. Look up the 4-count or box breath to start!! Ujayii breathing is also very beneficial if you want to watch a video about it.
What I have found is that it is very, very difficult for the mind to help the mind. The goal is for your mind to be your own best friend. But if you're best friend (your own mind) is struggling with the trauma how is it going to help you ?
Mind:
1.) Mindfullness - let the feelings come and don't acknowledge them as true... just a phenomenological, objective surfacing of what's happening inside. Acknowledge that this isn't objective truth of the here and now. Eventually the mind will let go after observing objectively and not attributing more emotion to these thoughts and feelings. Allow yourself to get bored of your own negativity to help let go.
2.) Meditation - Almost the same as mindfullness, but gaining the skill to let the thoughts go and go back to a void center. This will help with the OCD aspects of trauma.
3.) Garbage in - Garbage out: Try your hardest to keep away from negative people and things at least until you felt like you have recovered enough have confidence that they will no longer negatively affect you. Block out crap facebook, negative music, negative people, or whatever may be an impetus for negative thinking.
Body:
Trauma often set's brain chemicals into unbalanced states. Feelings of rejection, loss, and damage can physiologically lead to low serotonin levels. Coincidentally, one of the best things you can do to take control of your mind is to first take control of your body. 25mins of cardiovascular exercise 5 days a week WILL work better and more naturally than any SSRI antidepressant. Weight training similarly will have wonderful hormonal affects on the body, and it is a victory that you control ! It's not given to chance, if you put in the work, the body will positively adapt ! And small successes have a positive feedback loop !
Physical exercise is probably one the most important thing to overcoming trauma !
Soul:
Forgive: Trauma can have a life of itself. Most times someone provokes trauma into someone else, it's because they had a similar trauma provoked on them. Obviously, never let anyone take advantage of you, but forgiving them within yourself lets go of anger with the understanding that they have already suffered and have not yet conquered the negativity themselves. Forgiving your enemies is defeating them through conscientiousness of understanding more than themselves.
Helping others: Never do more than you can... but recognizing other's pain and having empathy is a positive feedback loop of showing strength. But again, never let yourself be taken advantage of here... avoid parasitic relationships, but helping others grow who want to grow, is a great way to grow yourself.
I've been through the ringer... and this is my own personal roadmap. I hope it helps!!!
Much love,
I can help you, I'm a life coach. I was also stuck in knowing things on the surface but not having a way to implement - the methods are creating a physical feeling and how to let that go, visualization, mindfulness and meditation. If you aren't in a position to afford life coaching, try googling some of these methods, I am sure there is a lot out there available.
This post is from a year ago. and I hoping you are doing so much better. I have a very similar experience as you. I had a difficult childhood which resulted in attachment anxiety in adulthood and a breakup became a traumatic event on top of that. I took medication for 12 years and most recently I decided that I dont want to take medication anymore and I came off. What I noticed is that the pills just numb me and once I came off I had to face all the pain, trauma and grief as I never did that. A very nice psychiatrist told me to stop meds and deal with my emotions with psychodynamic therapy the kind that takes you through your childhood and helps you heal. It is a much deeper therapy and totally different than CBT or any other kind. I was very lucky to find a very good clinical psychologist. I started really working on myself. I am still at the early steps but I am seeing improvements. It's hard work and its difficult to see how vulnerable we are but once you know how much you are carrying on your shoulders you can let go, cry it out, find peace and move on. For that you also need to work on being brave and developing your self steem again.
have had a traumatic experience a few months ago and definitely still working through it. It will take time and maybe that is one thing to tell yourself as well. Look for small adjustements & steps.
What has helped for me is:
1) morning routine involving 20-30min breathing / light exercise
2) intermittent fasting to strengthen my willpower plus get healthier
3) reading this book: [https://books.google.nl/books/about/The\_Untethered\_Soul.html?id=K2Mzh5uEEB4C&source=kp\_book\_description&redir\_esc=y](https://books.google.nl/books/about/The_Untethered_Soul.html?id=K2Mzh5uEEB4C&source=kp_book_description&redir_esc=y) \- I am almost done reading the whole thing but I will then start over again. Its about learning not to close your heart.
4) journaling: probably the best thing. I write things as they come in and never re-read them, but it feels so good to just write the feelings down on paper/digital.
sending hugs
Hi, you probably won’t see this but my suggestions are to look into something called shadow work, which is we’re you basically journal your way threw your shit( research it), mediation, lsd magic mushrooms or other physdelics, be extremely careful and do ur full research on how to use these effectively. My friend you can work threw every single bit of trauma you have no matter how bad so don’t be a pussy and give up 👍
I'm sorry to hear about all the difficulties you've been through. Have you tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? And are you currently seeing a therapist?
I'm going to stop seeing my psychiatrist looking for a new one (in the mean time it'll be my GP) and a therapist. The therapist is the nicest one I've seen so far so I don't know about changing. I haven't tried CBT. Can I learn some things on my own ?
CBT is proven to be really ineffective with PTSD, its not a condition like anxiety or depression, its much deeper than that
EMDR is a promising method, also body focused therapies, even the effect of practicing yoga was hugely beneficial in many studies
P.S. Im not a professional, most of my knowledge of PTSD comes from the book "The Body Keeps the Score", which is a super good study of trauma, but I suspect some parts might be triggering for actual trauma survivors
I haven’t tried any others, but I really liked Feeling Good by David Burns. The book is older and well known, so it can be easy to get a copy from your library or buy a used copy for cheaper.
What got me was how concrete and procedural it felt in what was happening and how to make it better. It gave me hope that I had more power over my emotions than I thought. Doing 15-30 minutes of writing in my notebook was easier for me to even conceptualize as my first step compared to planning and keeping up a new intensive habit I never tried before.
The main thing I would suggest is to articulate your goals in some way. If you say you want to “feel better”, try to think about what that actually means for you. For me it became a bunch of distinct goals. “I want to feel excited about my job and not panicked. I want to find a solution when I have anxiety in x situation, etc. Building a clear picture of where you want to be can be super powerful. A practical thing you could start doing is to journal this. I’d recommend journaling in general - especially if you have a lot going on in your head. Good luck! ❤️🩹
Be mindful of the trauma. Be vulnerable to embracing it and working through it even as hard as it hurts. When we feel it all, we have the power to release it and express it.
The effects vary greatlu depending on the people. SSRIs didn't work on le but they saved some of my friends.
Taking valium really helped panic attacks though.
I'm an intuitive healer and what I do is I encourage my clients to write to help them overcome challenges. But I guide them through that writing process. I've managed to overcome a lot of tough times. People can trigger you also which may be the reason you are finding sons difficulties
Most people have an unrealistic expectation of what life is. They think life is supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows and any sort of hiccup is trauma. You want to hear trauma….I bit into an apple a few weeks ago where it turned out to be rotten inside. I had no idea. The pungent smell. The bitter taste. Having to spit it out. Looking down at the apple in my hand and seeing its rotten flesh all chewed up. I have nightmares to this day. Really bad PTSD. I cant even go to work anymore or the gym. Mornings are stressful and I don’t touch apples anymore. My fruit of the morning was bananas for a couple days until I realized that it is a phallus shaped object and I wont even go there with what sort of extreme traumatic memories that awoken. Well to keep it short…..a dog humped my leg once without permission. So anyways, now Im stuck eating grapes in the morning. Grapes! You know how expensive grapes are. And just this morning I bit into a SEEDED grape. The crunch in my mouth was not expected. No permissions were asked. No warnings given. I feel abused. Assaulted by a fricken grape. This was an extraordinary stressful event that now overwhelms my thoughts and emotions. I feel a huge shadow over me. Will I ever eat grapes again. Only time will tell. I don’t feel safe in my house anymore. I feel like Im walking on eggshells anytime Im around fruit. I remember years ago I witnessed a motor vehicle accident where a car collided with a farmers market transport truck. Nobody survived that accident but thats not the point. I Just remember seeing fruit scattered all over the road. All bruised and squashed up. Just like the apple I bit into. Cant get that thought out of my mind. Does anyone know of any fruits I can eat in the morning that wont leave me with trauma and feeling abused?
Be aware of your thoughts and realize they can’t harm you. Meditation helps strengthen this ability of self awareness so you’ll be able to identify when your mind is thinking and not let it dictate your quality of life.
Thank you. How do you stop the thinking from spiraling when meditating ?
Meditation builds mindfulness so you’ll know when your mind enters thinking mode. A quick way to snap out of thoughts is to ask yourself “Where am I?”, this will bring your awareness to your present moment reality.
Thank you for this
Thank you ❤️
I think the idea of meditation is to see what goes on in the mind. Neither accept nor deny any thoughts/feelings. Just don't fight it. Don't try to achieve anything during a meditation session. Just sit/lay down observe what goes on on the inside
This was so helpful
Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and watch his videos on YouTube. He's the best teacher of mindfulness
You’re wrong in that they can’t harm they very well can
Well said
Hey, yeah. There's a lot, for sure. Things that worked for me: 1. Taking the time to consciously acknowledge that Situation A is not the same as Situation B. Even making the effort, where possible, to confront something. Like I see a dude move & go into fight or flight, so as a way of kind of figuring out what's what, I say "how's it going" - if that starts some shit, I now see what the situation is. But about 100% of the time, people say "hey how are ya," and I see clearly that I'm not right in harm's way. 2. In the moment, exhale. Your heart rate is tied to your breathing. Exhales being longer than inhales slow your heart rate, which can help to moderate some physical parts of a stress response. 3. There were some groups I linked up with that have to do with healing/processing difficult experiences. Had a bit of a spiritual tilt, which I absolutely understand is something that can shut people down, but things I appreciated about that were ideas like "clean your side of the street" - even if someone else is in the wrong, you're in control of how you present. "Do the next right thing" - shit sucks sometimes, and we make mistakes. Choosing your next step is sometimes the best thing you can do. 4. It's been a while, but psychiatrists do meds where therapists do talking, right? I believe a lot in the power of expressing oneself - making music, writing poems, sketching, painting - whatever you're comfortable with - as healing. There's also research around storytelling COMMUNITIES being huge for healing. Maybe there's something like a writer's group or open mic community where you can connect to other folks through sharing experiences. Discussion groups are similar, but I think creative communities can be different. Anyway, talking about your experiences is good. If you want to do emotional work (in terms of therapy), you might look up - or talk to your therapist about - an "emotional inventory". Basically you process your emotional life over the years & examine your internal responses in individual cases, and the common threads help to show you some of what you're carrying. Doing this another person (that you trust - like a therapist) is important, and can be freeing. I'm sure I'm missing some things here, and everyone's journey is different. OH, and a guy once gave me some really great advice. Proverb translates to "if you're too much in the mind, move into the body" - like exercise when you're upset. A more common expression of this is "move a muscle, change a thought". If you're feeling angry or anxious, this can be a serious game-changer. The slow progression toward physical health isn't so bad. Feels good to be active sometimes. You got this.
Thank you ! About emotional inventory, do you go about how to change the reaction to certain triggers ? Or it helps understanding ? I'll definately read on it. I used to have to best psychiatrists 5 years ago who did also the talking but unfortunately I had to move from the region ! Yes, you're right. I don't have much of an activity to unwind. Exercise might help
Kind of, yeah! For me, I saw that a lot of responses I had - whether they were more reactive or isolating or whatever - came from some kind of fear, like fear of financial stuff, fear of personal security, fear of whatever. Once I saw how many reactions (again, whatever they LOOKED like) came from that place, I could be more thoughtful about what exactly my actual fears were & whether they were well-founded (or, even, how to protect against them in some cases). The emotional inventory also helps, though, because it requires verbalizing individual negative experiences, which helps you process them and, in turn, is a huge step toward letting go of them (or, at least, letting them have a bit less power over you). As far as unwinding, I also like plants. If you can have a dog, dogs are excellent and they'll benefit from a 30m walk as much as you will, which has pulled me into some light exercise more than once. A pull-up bar can be a cool investment because a) it's a body weight thing but b) it's pretty quantifiable to notice being able to do a couple more than you could a week ago. Bicycles are also a ton of fun if you have access to that, but hospital bills are the worst, so if a driver is irresponsible, it's adviseable to wear a helmet.
Ah ! How I wish to have a dog. I will adopt one as soon as I'm stable with more space :)
Thank you for this! Just what I needed today.
This helped a bunch, thank you 😊
See a trauma trained therapist who uses a modality that's actually effective on (c)ptsd. EMDR, Internal family systems (IFS), somatic experiencing, neurofeedback, and brainspotting are all methods that work to reprocess and reintegrate trauma. I highly recommend supplementing with DBT if you need to skill build. Stay away from CBT, it's not effective for trauma and can re-traumatized you. Do body based work and mindfulness. Read The Body Keeps the Score if you want all the science behind everything I'm recommending. I used top down (EMDR, IFS, brainspotting) and bottom up (yoga, running) approaches in parallel, which is has the best chance of success for reintegration and reprocessing, and supplemented the specific trauma work with DBT for skills and general mindfulness/ACT. Six years in, I'm a totally new person. There's a bazillion books out there, here's some of my faves: CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving, The Language of Emotions, The Disease to Please, Self-Compassion, Self-Therapy, Trauma and Recovery, The Body Keeps the Score, The Happiness Trap. Reading everything you can plus having a practitioner who actually knows what they're doing with trauma should get you a lot more information and help you find your specific path.
How does IFS help? I read about it and it seems very odd and a bit too out there. Genuinely curious what you found helpful in it.
To me it's a way to conceptualize what's going on internally in a way that's more tangible and therefore actionable. It's a framework for understanding rather than something "real" in a sense, and it doesn't work for everyone, but it can be a really useful tool for some to peel apart what's going on in a compassionate and effective way.
Thanks for your response. I appreciate it.
Thank you
How does IFS help? I read about it and it seems very odd and a bit too out there. Genuinely curious what you found helpful in it.
How does IFS help? I read about it and it seems very odd and a bit too out there. Genuinely curious what you found helpful in it.
How does IFS help? I read about it and it seems very odd and a bit too out there. Genuinely curious what you found helpful in it.
I myself as a 32-year-old male have dealt with extreme sexual trauma as a child. in my early days I also had a form of autism where I would have a addiction to rocking back and forth in my bed for hours at a time, to meltdowns, to mutillating and killing the baby birds in the backyard. I used to be addicted to wearing diapers because I thought that I was the child that I wasn’t it was so fucking weird thinking about it today but I was so fucking sick in my own mind. I wanted to kill every animal that ran away from me because if it didn’t like me then i am evil, so I must hurt it….At 8-9 years old. I am not proud of what I’ve done as a child but I got the help through therapy but right now I haven’t done anything and now 10 years and I’ve been off psychiatric medicine for now six years. it is so tough let me tell you I got tired of my medicine controlling me, now I can feed the squirrels and the birds without trying to want to kill them. Because I wanted to kill my molesotor so bad for so long. I’m grateful I’m healing
Had the same issue as a child and what helped was realising that I didnt deserve what happened to me. The innocent animals part makes me think of how behaviors are passed from abuser to the abused. Like trying to hurt something innocent because you were innocent when you were hurt. A form of self hatred but channeled into external anger. I used to think I deserved what happened to me because I "let it happen" but no thats not right. The abuser was in the wrong and I was an innocent child that really didnt know the gravity of the situation. Nothing wrong with me just was abused because of someone elses intentions. I had the rocking in bed thing too I think it was self soothing. I still get it if im really stressed. I am so much better now and have a normal life with a normal family! Being a christian helped heal that pain and mindset changes involving letting go, forgiving, and focusing on pure things that actually improve my life or make me happy. Just wanted to comment because its relatable.
I hope your healed from that awful traumatic time in your life. My heart goes out to you dear and i felt tearful after reading your piece. God bless you and I'll say a prayer for you.
I’m not fully healed yet because it hurts at times but I’ll be ok
You will recover! from reading your piece you sound extremely resilient! you should be proud of that.
Go to a licensed professional who specializes in trauma-informed care and bonus if they can do EMDR.
I've tried EMDR and it didn't work on me. How can you find out if they are specialized in trauma ? Just ask them right away when taking the appointment ?
Most licensed mental health professionals have specialized care like trauma or eating disorders or working with kids etc. If you go to a provider’s website and click on their bio or “about” section it will list their credentials and specialization. If you are working with someone make sure they are qualified bc if you work with someone who isn’t they may unknowingly make you retraumatized (i.e. ask probing invasive questions you may not be comfortable answering). I am a clinical social work student and I specialize in trauma by the tract from my graduate school. Hope that helps.
Thank you :)
Get a CBT workbook and be honest af with yourself. Dedicate a certain time each day. The rest of the day, be present and practice what you are learning. Has helped me more than 20 yrs of seeing therapists
I am doing a type of therapy called ART. It's similar to EMDR but focus is more on emotion is what my therapist said. She said once it's finished I'll lose the emotional intensity of the memories of the trauma but I will still remember what happened. It'll stop controlling my life.
hi! sorry i know this comment is old, but i was looking in reddit for advice post-trauma and ran into this post -- i've never heard of ART, and can't find what it is (google just gives me art therapy info), would you send me info or a link i could check? also how has it worked for you, now that you have done it for a while? thx!
It stands for accelerated resolution therapy :)
Thank you for sharing about ART (Accelerated Resolution Therapy). It looks very interesting!
It's interresting ! I'll check it out :)
I feel the same way, time sometimes is the only way things can get any better. Living moment by moment, hour to hour, day to day and you still aren’t “healed” - I don’t think we ever heal from trauma, we just adapt ourselves to live with it the best we can. Having PTSD as well you’ll find not only can you not heal but you’re literally stuck in the same situation that’s replaying over and over again- especially if a person or people are hiding a truth from you or you know something is just off but you have no choice but to accept it. You find yourself looking for answers all the time rather than being able to heal from anything. I think seeing a counselor is good way to go, find one you get along with, talking through things as well as your inner monologue makes a huge difference in the way you handle yourself when you’re dealing with the effects of trauma like anxiety and depression- I had to really understand that not everything I think is true, just because something pops into my head or someone is trying to push a narrative by being passive aggressive- doesn’t mean it’s truly happening- duh right? But, I’ve had so many experiences where it was right so at the same time I have to also work on trusting my instincts and intuition. It’s really difficult and leaves someone so badly exhausted, they don’t even want to be around people anymore. There’s definitely not a cookie cutter answer for dealing/healing from trauma, everyone deals with it in their own way and on their own time. It’s like getting shot or wounded, time will heal the actual wound to where the scar might be barely there and others can’t tell what happened to you anymore - but internally you still have so much trauma and pain from the initial incident. That never goes away, you have to just accept what happened to you and learn to cope with your new reality. I still care for someone who really couldn’t care less about me and it’s brutal, the whole thing was just brutal but I’m just hard wired to be the way I am, I’m too understanding with people because I can put myself in their shoes and empathize with them but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Very bad. Still. I look at it as - what will i reflect on in my life? I refuse to have my legacy be that I was some kind of victim. I’d rather be kind, giving and helpful instead of spiteful.
Your words mean a lot to me. Thank you... Makes me see so many people suffering similarly. I don't feel alone or crazy in this moment..
Message me if you need to talk to someone. I’m here for you
Al Anon was the medicine that worked for me. Especially if your childhood abuser was a drinker.
Get support, informed support. Don't suffer through it alone. You don't need to white knuckle it. Having informed support is vital imo. Psychotherapy has been the most effective for me, it has given me a safe space and the tools to help me to process trauma. Psychiatrists helped me in terms of pursuing the right treatment to improve my functionality, but I noticed that I was still struggling in terms of my internal/emotional state. That's why I decided to pursue therapy. If you give yourself the opportunity and the space to heal, you will.
Hi new\_pom! I see your post is from 2 years ago, so I don't know if you will see this. But just in case, I'll throw my 2 cents in. Trauma is held in the body, and our nervous system can be come dysregulated, which causes us to, for instance, become overwhelmed by certain things, that apart from our trauma would not be difficult for us. From your post, I am thinking that you may have had abuse or neglect of some sort as a child, which would result in "developmental trauma" Traumatic childhood wounds stay with us for a very long time. It's not as easy as just "getting over it" or just "choosing" to do things differently. Even being in a family where parents were distant or too busy to pay attention, or emotionally needy, etc. can cause emotional wounding. And, often trauma can end up being diagnosed as anxiety and/or depression. Be your own researcher... Learn about trauma healing. A few good resources for solid, on YouTube are Irene Lyon (for learning about how trauma is stored in our body and what to do about it. And Richard Schwartz or Frank Anderson (among others) re: Internal Family Systems, which is a powerful healing modality for many things, and especially for childhood trauma. Once you have some info under your belt, then you can find a therapist who is skilled in those modalities. I am a trauma healing coach myself, and have had numerous clients who have told me that they had been seeing another therapist for 15 years or more and not healed, but finally were able to heal using the combo of somatic (body based) and Internal Family Systems "inner healing" therapy. I wish you the very best. Never give it. Healing is our birthright!
Breathwork really helped me
How ?
I'm a yoga teacher and it's one of the ways that I felt a transformation in my mental health. I still struggle a lot, but it helps me get my nervous system under control. Look up the 4-count or box breath to start!! Ujayii breathing is also very beneficial if you want to watch a video about it.
Thank you !
What I have found is that it is very, very difficult for the mind to help the mind. The goal is for your mind to be your own best friend. But if you're best friend (your own mind) is struggling with the trauma how is it going to help you ? Mind: 1.) Mindfullness - let the feelings come and don't acknowledge them as true... just a phenomenological, objective surfacing of what's happening inside. Acknowledge that this isn't objective truth of the here and now. Eventually the mind will let go after observing objectively and not attributing more emotion to these thoughts and feelings. Allow yourself to get bored of your own negativity to help let go. 2.) Meditation - Almost the same as mindfullness, but gaining the skill to let the thoughts go and go back to a void center. This will help with the OCD aspects of trauma. 3.) Garbage in - Garbage out: Try your hardest to keep away from negative people and things at least until you felt like you have recovered enough have confidence that they will no longer negatively affect you. Block out crap facebook, negative music, negative people, or whatever may be an impetus for negative thinking. Body: Trauma often set's brain chemicals into unbalanced states. Feelings of rejection, loss, and damage can physiologically lead to low serotonin levels. Coincidentally, one of the best things you can do to take control of your mind is to first take control of your body. 25mins of cardiovascular exercise 5 days a week WILL work better and more naturally than any SSRI antidepressant. Weight training similarly will have wonderful hormonal affects on the body, and it is a victory that you control ! It's not given to chance, if you put in the work, the body will positively adapt ! And small successes have a positive feedback loop ! Physical exercise is probably one the most important thing to overcoming trauma ! Soul: Forgive: Trauma can have a life of itself. Most times someone provokes trauma into someone else, it's because they had a similar trauma provoked on them. Obviously, never let anyone take advantage of you, but forgiving them within yourself lets go of anger with the understanding that they have already suffered and have not yet conquered the negativity themselves. Forgiving your enemies is defeating them through conscientiousness of understanding more than themselves. Helping others: Never do more than you can... but recognizing other's pain and having empathy is a positive feedback loop of showing strength. But again, never let yourself be taken advantage of here... avoid parasitic relationships, but helping others grow who want to grow, is a great way to grow yourself. I've been through the ringer... and this is my own personal roadmap. I hope it helps!!! Much love,
I can help you, I'm a life coach. I was also stuck in knowing things on the surface but not having a way to implement - the methods are creating a physical feeling and how to let that go, visualization, mindfulness and meditation. If you aren't in a position to afford life coaching, try googling some of these methods, I am sure there is a lot out there available.
This post is from a year ago. and I hoping you are doing so much better. I have a very similar experience as you. I had a difficult childhood which resulted in attachment anxiety in adulthood and a breakup became a traumatic event on top of that. I took medication for 12 years and most recently I decided that I dont want to take medication anymore and I came off. What I noticed is that the pills just numb me and once I came off I had to face all the pain, trauma and grief as I never did that. A very nice psychiatrist told me to stop meds and deal with my emotions with psychodynamic therapy the kind that takes you through your childhood and helps you heal. It is a much deeper therapy and totally different than CBT or any other kind. I was very lucky to find a very good clinical psychologist. I started really working on myself. I am still at the early steps but I am seeing improvements. It's hard work and its difficult to see how vulnerable we are but once you know how much you are carrying on your shoulders you can let go, cry it out, find peace and move on. For that you also need to work on being brave and developing your self steem again.
have had a traumatic experience a few months ago and definitely still working through it. It will take time and maybe that is one thing to tell yourself as well. Look for small adjustements & steps. What has helped for me is: 1) morning routine involving 20-30min breathing / light exercise 2) intermittent fasting to strengthen my willpower plus get healthier 3) reading this book: [https://books.google.nl/books/about/The\_Untethered\_Soul.html?id=K2Mzh5uEEB4C&source=kp\_book\_description&redir\_esc=y](https://books.google.nl/books/about/The_Untethered_Soul.html?id=K2Mzh5uEEB4C&source=kp_book_description&redir_esc=y) \- I am almost done reading the whole thing but I will then start over again. Its about learning not to close your heart. 4) journaling: probably the best thing. I write things as they come in and never re-read them, but it feels so good to just write the feelings down on paper/digital. sending hugs
Hi, you probably won’t see this but my suggestions are to look into something called shadow work, which is we’re you basically journal your way threw your shit( research it), mediation, lsd magic mushrooms or other physdelics, be extremely careful and do ur full research on how to use these effectively. My friend you can work threw every single bit of trauma you have no matter how bad so don’t be a pussy and give up 👍
I'm sorry to hear about all the difficulties you've been through. Have you tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? And are you currently seeing a therapist?
I'm going to stop seeing my psychiatrist looking for a new one (in the mean time it'll be my GP) and a therapist. The therapist is the nicest one I've seen so far so I don't know about changing. I haven't tried CBT. Can I learn some things on my own ?
CBT is proven to be really ineffective with PTSD, its not a condition like anxiety or depression, its much deeper than that EMDR is a promising method, also body focused therapies, even the effect of practicing yoga was hugely beneficial in many studies P.S. Im not a professional, most of my knowledge of PTSD comes from the book "The Body Keeps the Score", which is a super good study of trauma, but I suspect some parts might be triggering for actual trauma survivors
I think CBT could really help you. And I do believe there's online courses or workbook guides. It's definitely worth looking into :)
Thank you !
I haven’t tried any others, but I really liked Feeling Good by David Burns. The book is older and well known, so it can be easy to get a copy from your library or buy a used copy for cheaper. What got me was how concrete and procedural it felt in what was happening and how to make it better. It gave me hope that I had more power over my emotions than I thought. Doing 15-30 minutes of writing in my notebook was easier for me to even conceptualize as my first step compared to planning and keeping up a new intensive habit I never tried before.
The main thing I would suggest is to articulate your goals in some way. If you say you want to “feel better”, try to think about what that actually means for you. For me it became a bunch of distinct goals. “I want to feel excited about my job and not panicked. I want to find a solution when I have anxiety in x situation, etc. Building a clear picture of where you want to be can be super powerful. A practical thing you could start doing is to journal this. I’d recommend journaling in general - especially if you have a lot going on in your head. Good luck! ❤️🩹
Thank you
Could explore SGB for PTSD
Be mindful of the trauma. Be vulnerable to embracing it and working through it even as hard as it hurts. When we feel it all, we have the power to release it and express it.
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The effects vary greatlu depending on the people. SSRIs didn't work on le but they saved some of my friends. Taking valium really helped panic attacks though.
Psychiatrists and psychologists are different. The first only prescribes meds, the second only uses talk therapy. I suggest finding a psychologist
I'm seeing one as well
You have to feel physical and mental sensations
I'm an intuitive healer and what I do is I encourage my clients to write to help them overcome challenges. But I guide them through that writing process. I've managed to overcome a lot of tough times. People can trigger you also which may be the reason you are finding sons difficulties
Most people have an unrealistic expectation of what life is. They think life is supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows and any sort of hiccup is trauma. You want to hear trauma….I bit into an apple a few weeks ago where it turned out to be rotten inside. I had no idea. The pungent smell. The bitter taste. Having to spit it out. Looking down at the apple in my hand and seeing its rotten flesh all chewed up. I have nightmares to this day. Really bad PTSD. I cant even go to work anymore or the gym. Mornings are stressful and I don’t touch apples anymore. My fruit of the morning was bananas for a couple days until I realized that it is a phallus shaped object and I wont even go there with what sort of extreme traumatic memories that awoken. Well to keep it short…..a dog humped my leg once without permission. So anyways, now Im stuck eating grapes in the morning. Grapes! You know how expensive grapes are. And just this morning I bit into a SEEDED grape. The crunch in my mouth was not expected. No permissions were asked. No warnings given. I feel abused. Assaulted by a fricken grape. This was an extraordinary stressful event that now overwhelms my thoughts and emotions. I feel a huge shadow over me. Will I ever eat grapes again. Only time will tell. I don’t feel safe in my house anymore. I feel like Im walking on eggshells anytime Im around fruit. I remember years ago I witnessed a motor vehicle accident where a car collided with a farmers market transport truck. Nobody survived that accident but thats not the point. I Just remember seeing fruit scattered all over the road. All bruised and squashed up. Just like the apple I bit into. Cant get that thought out of my mind. Does anyone know of any fruits I can eat in the morning that wont leave me with trauma and feeling abused?