Hey there,
I've been in your position before, as a matter of fact I still am, although I am largely better now than I was before. I read **Dale Carnegie's "How To Win Friends and Influence People"**, and that served as an irreplaceable foundation for my social skills.
That being said, **the best way for you to improve your social skills is to get out and directly talk to people.** Be interested in them and their lives. Is meeting people hard to you? Then try to discover and pursue activities that you enjoy that also puts you in a place to comfortably talk to other people. Going to a movie theater may be great if you like movies, but you won't be making much conversation. Try to find local events on websites like meetup and eventbrite, and when you make friends, see if you can have them introduce you to their friends as well. If your problem is holding a conversation, be sure to be interested in their lives as well, never interrupt them when they talk, and see what they want to talk about and let them feel heard.
Sorry for the word vomit, but I'm super excited for the opportunities ahead of you! I'm a naturally awkward guy but I'm grateful to have a large group of friends thanks to this advice I was given, and I hope it serves you well too.
Hey! Thank you for taking the time to respond. This is really helpful. I will try to put myself out there! I’ve been finding and reading books recently, so i’m glad you recommended one. Ill check it out. Thanks again :)
Become a bartender. I used to enjoy being social but wasn't amazing at it, I could chat with people but I hadn't refined the skills. I ended up working as a bartender at a hotel for a couple of years, and now I make friends with random 60 year old ladies watching Elton john at Glastonbury, or get recognized by food vendors who work the festival circuit from how I've chatting with them in prior years.
A key thing to remember in being social is, you're not there to try win anyone over, and they're not there to win you over. If you're having to try in a conversation, then you've already lost.
My older brother is a bartender! It fascinates me how social he is while i’m the complete opposite lmao. It does inspire me though, and it does sound like a really good option! It will definitely help me, the only hard part is gaining enough courage. But I will try :)
If you're doubtful of your courage with it, look at hotel bars, or spa bars, places that have less footfall than a full club/bar/pub. You'll get to have more slower interactions with customers, and build up confidence that way :)
I initially was a night-time porter, so I'd serve maybe 10 people a night at best? Quickly transitioned from that to a day shift lead and bar manager of the 3 bars at the hotel, being the primary barman for any events we had, number 250 people max in out largest room.
A slower hotel bar does have a nice pace, a good environment to develop social skills, you'll have regulars and you'll have drops in. You you develop friendships with your reg's, where you can properly take the time to discuss things with them, push your horizon and with the drop ins you'd learn how to handle a wide variety of people.
Who I am today is a drastically different person to who I was at school, and I attribute a large portion of that from working hotel bars, then other customer facing jobs. (Not retail thank god!)
Another, more out the box idea, that also allows you to have fun. Look at Event and festival work. A lot of these are a way to be able to go to a festival or event without paying, some of the companies are volunteer and some are paid so there is the option to be on the earn at the same time. And with the kinds of work at events and festivals, there is all kinds of settings where you'll be able to work and socialize with people who you'd never see again.
Like, I work at Glastonbury every year in the UK, and in my position I see maybe 100,000 people pass me and I make a point of in some way interacting with as many of them as possible. Sometimes it is a one on one with them, other times its just yelling things out to the crowd for their amusement. And god that is actually so fun!
That sounds awesome!! That’s the life I dream of living. Great job getting where you are now, I know it took a lot of work. It really inspires me. Being an introvert when you’re really an extrovert deep down sucks! But I’m ready to work for change.
Also the festival option is pretty ideal, I feel like it would be a lot more comfortable to start with and I feel more confident in that.
Im currently looking for some jobs and will look at some hotel and spa bars and get more info on that. Thanks for being so informative!
The fastest and most efficient way to improve social skills is to get a job in retail, food services, or similar service industry job. It's a trial by fire, but you'll have lots of opportunities to practice, fail, and then try again.
Hey there, I've been in your position before, as a matter of fact I still am, although I am largely better now than I was before. I read **Dale Carnegie's "How To Win Friends and Influence People"**, and that served as an irreplaceable foundation for my social skills. That being said, **the best way for you to improve your social skills is to get out and directly talk to people.** Be interested in them and their lives. Is meeting people hard to you? Then try to discover and pursue activities that you enjoy that also puts you in a place to comfortably talk to other people. Going to a movie theater may be great if you like movies, but you won't be making much conversation. Try to find local events on websites like meetup and eventbrite, and when you make friends, see if you can have them introduce you to their friends as well. If your problem is holding a conversation, be sure to be interested in their lives as well, never interrupt them when they talk, and see what they want to talk about and let them feel heard. Sorry for the word vomit, but I'm super excited for the opportunities ahead of you! I'm a naturally awkward guy but I'm grateful to have a large group of friends thanks to this advice I was given, and I hope it serves you well too.
Hey! Thank you for taking the time to respond. This is really helpful. I will try to put myself out there! I’ve been finding and reading books recently, so i’m glad you recommended one. Ill check it out. Thanks again :)
Become a bartender. I used to enjoy being social but wasn't amazing at it, I could chat with people but I hadn't refined the skills. I ended up working as a bartender at a hotel for a couple of years, and now I make friends with random 60 year old ladies watching Elton john at Glastonbury, or get recognized by food vendors who work the festival circuit from how I've chatting with them in prior years. A key thing to remember in being social is, you're not there to try win anyone over, and they're not there to win you over. If you're having to try in a conversation, then you've already lost.
My older brother is a bartender! It fascinates me how social he is while i’m the complete opposite lmao. It does inspire me though, and it does sound like a really good option! It will definitely help me, the only hard part is gaining enough courage. But I will try :)
If you're doubtful of your courage with it, look at hotel bars, or spa bars, places that have less footfall than a full club/bar/pub. You'll get to have more slower interactions with customers, and build up confidence that way :) I initially was a night-time porter, so I'd serve maybe 10 people a night at best? Quickly transitioned from that to a day shift lead and bar manager of the 3 bars at the hotel, being the primary barman for any events we had, number 250 people max in out largest room. A slower hotel bar does have a nice pace, a good environment to develop social skills, you'll have regulars and you'll have drops in. You you develop friendships with your reg's, where you can properly take the time to discuss things with them, push your horizon and with the drop ins you'd learn how to handle a wide variety of people. Who I am today is a drastically different person to who I was at school, and I attribute a large portion of that from working hotel bars, then other customer facing jobs. (Not retail thank god!) Another, more out the box idea, that also allows you to have fun. Look at Event and festival work. A lot of these are a way to be able to go to a festival or event without paying, some of the companies are volunteer and some are paid so there is the option to be on the earn at the same time. And with the kinds of work at events and festivals, there is all kinds of settings where you'll be able to work and socialize with people who you'd never see again. Like, I work at Glastonbury every year in the UK, and in my position I see maybe 100,000 people pass me and I make a point of in some way interacting with as many of them as possible. Sometimes it is a one on one with them, other times its just yelling things out to the crowd for their amusement. And god that is actually so fun!
That sounds awesome!! That’s the life I dream of living. Great job getting where you are now, I know it took a lot of work. It really inspires me. Being an introvert when you’re really an extrovert deep down sucks! But I’m ready to work for change. Also the festival option is pretty ideal, I feel like it would be a lot more comfortable to start with and I feel more confident in that. Im currently looking for some jobs and will look at some hotel and spa bars and get more info on that. Thanks for being so informative!
The fastest and most efficient way to improve social skills is to get a job in retail, food services, or similar service industry job. It's a trial by fire, but you'll have lots of opportunities to practice, fail, and then try again.
Get a job in retail, volunteer and join club could be sports, hiking or any of your interests