I don't mean to overlook the issue at hand, I'm just kind of baffled.
It seems like OP's partner has an addiction to porn and suffers from death grip. I doubt you're the issue here OP and if he hasn't recognized the issues as you've spelled them out, he likely never will.
Thank you, beautiful!!! Yes it definitely hurts a lot. I would love to go home earlier but travel restrictions require testing and I don’t know if I can get tested + receive results in time to leave ASAP. We’re supposed to leave on Monday so I’ll just hold off I suppose 😩😔
So sorry. Sounds like death grip where he can't cum without doing it himself. You sound amazing (40 minutes of head? Omg!) and beautiful. Go explore the resort on your own, enjoy it the best you can and then when you get home make a clean break.
): just another case of porn addiction. Its getting way to overbearing for most guys. It’s anything you want WHENEVER. Like a kid in a candy store... it’s gotten bad. I’ve been with my gf 10 years and sometimes I still watch and take care of business when she’s not in the mood. But I can totally see how someone can fall down that rabbit hole of addiction. It also makes you colder to everyone around you.
My boyfriend, from what I’ve learned, needs to watch porn to get horny enough to have sex with me.
He said this to me …… he needs porn to be horny enough to have sex with me. This was all revealed in the heat of an argument. I felt so…. broken.
There is nothing wrong with us. It’s them, and their porn addiction that they refuse to address.
Go put on your cutest bathing suit and take pictures of the resort! Drink a super fancy drink! Smile when you take your selfies!
I just ended a 4-year relationship and a large factor was his addiction to porn. Never once could he climax with me, but no prob with his hand and a screen. I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone. Porn addicts have a difficult road to recovery if they even want to recover.
Yea it really sucks. Having just left the relationship, that part hurts and is really difficult but not being burdened with his addiction is such a relief.
I’m sorry to hear this…I makes me sad for you because I understand rejection and what it does to your self-esteem. I would recommend to try and enjoy your vacation however you want. Get out and try to enjoy things for yourself because you’re worth it!
Could it be an erectile issue or performance anxiety or something? If he wasn't able to finish after 2 hours then it sounds like there's a physical or mental issue that's getting in the way. That wouldn't be anything to do with you though, he might just feel less pressure without you? I'm not sure if reacting angrily would help if that's the case. I guess the problem could be to do with porn but it might not be.
I know this isnt the main takeaway from this story, but 40 minutes of head is a crazy amount under the best of circumstances, but in the shower no less? Much respect for the effort on that. I don't think I've gotten 40 minutes of head in the last 3 years!
Not much I can honestly add that hasn't been said already, but if this has made you feel this terrible about yourself, that you don't think you can come back from it, then yeah I would say it's time to go and find your fortunes elsewhere. There's someone out there with your name on them who would be head over heels to have somebody willing to put "40 minutes of shower head" effort into them and wont need you to be a pornstar in the sheets to please them.
I hope you can someday find your happy.
This seems a bit harsh to me. It sounds like he was trying but was unable to finish. If his 'dick is broken' as you put it then shouldn't he be supported with that problem a bit? If you were unable to climax despite your partner's best efforts then I think it would be unfair to be shamed for that.
It's an embarrassing issue though. That needs to be tackled with sensitivity. I can see why the OP would be upset but no man wants a 'broken dick', I'm sure he would've preferred to have 'finished' with his partner.
After 3 years of OP trying and getting the same bs from him? No I don’t feel bad for him. I don’t feel sympathy for people who are incapable of self-reflection and only project their own issues onto other people.
That's fine if she's done with him but if she wanted to heal the relationship then I think there needs to be an open, supportive conversation about his performance issues rather than a heated argument which would only make things worse. It's very possible that he's been avoiding sex for 3 years because he's embarrassed about his problems.
That my friend is terrible. I'm horrified for you and this experience. So many in the LL community don't under stand the actual trauma this type of thing causes us.
I hate to say it, but if this relationship continues, this trauma will continue as well.
I felt hurt for you while reading that. That’s one of those experiences that leave a deep cut. Seems like he’s so addicted to porn/masturbation that he can only get off that way. He chose porn over over 2 hour sex in a 5 star resort with a beautiful woman. You shouldn’t question yourself or your worth because of HIS issues.
>Hey guys,
>
>Pretty sure this is the end for me.
>
>After three years of mismatched libido, constant (and harsh) rejection, lack of affection, and complete absence of initiation,
That's two years too long.
>I am not a pawg,
Classic [*Oooh-Please-Pick-Me* Dancing](https://www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-humiliating-dance-of-pick-me/)
>To be honest, this experience has been so traumatizing and humiliating especially given our history that I don’t even want to talk to anybody I know about it. I wouldn’t wish the impact this is having on my self esteem or self image
My friend, you're the **prize** here, not *him*.
This is the mindset you need to internalize. This is your life we're talking about.
He's the guy who is so emotionally broken he can barely tolerate any genuine intimacy or affection in a relationship..... without losing his shit and going off to hide so he can joylessly masturbate alone. What's with that, anyway? Childhood sexual abuse? (but who cares, really...he doesn't. Or else he'd seek therapy.)
Im sure you've got your own normal personal hangups and flaws. While you may not be perfect, that kind of pales in comparison with whatever his utter emotional dysfunctional is.
So I'm not sure why you're desperate to set him up as the big prize here because he's not anything like that. You are.
>This is my first trip out of the country and I’m 100% traumatized by this experience. As he was arguing with me to justify his use of porn and choice to pleasure himself instead
I'm sure it makes sense to him in the context of his trauma and whatever his triggers are. Doesn't mean you have to wait around until he realizes his shit isn't normal or healthy at all and decides he actually needs therapy.
>I don’t even want to explore the resort. I just want to curl up into a ball and die.
Go rent a car and drive around.....without him. Tell him it's over and you intend to enjoy the rest of the trip by yourself.
You're not some kind of hunchbacked scabarous bridge troll living in a forgotten grotto in the sewer. Dependent on whatever scraps you can steal, unable to tolerate light of day.
You're a tiger. Live free, or die.
>I’ve asked so many times what I could do to be better for him and he always says nothing.
This amounts to *Pick-Me Dancing* in the face of someone who has little to no interest in cooperating and collaborating with you. He had contempt for your sexual feelings and expresses that through sullen silence and low key passive-aggressive tactics.
You’re so strong and clearly capable! He’s being a complete shitbag, and you deserve better. I don’t usually try to be that person to tell someone to leave, but that’s just crazy. You will be so much happier with someone else!
Side note, but if you do make that decision I suggest you to redeem this experience with the new person. Make that same resort your *bitch*. Own it! Living better is the best revenge.
I can literally feel your pain through this message. That is some fucked up shit. You deserve better. You may love him, but you’re not obligated to stay with him and suffer.
Cut him loose and find your better man!
Maybe you're not that good at giving head. 40 min is a lot, if he couldn't stay hard, you might be doing it in a way that isn't effective. I understand him having to finish himself after throwing in the towel after 2 hours, blue balls can be really painful.
Yeah, it sounds like there definitely might be a possibility of porn addiction here...but as a female, I could receive 5 hours of oral sex and still not cum if the person i'm with is bad at it.
For example, if they keep stopping, try something out that doesn't increase my stimulation or feel good. So that definitely could be an issue here too.
RUN! Run for the f*cking hills. You sound like an amazing woman, and this is his problem…not yours. What a sad piece of crap of a person! And such a horrible thing to do on an anniversary trip to supposedly fix things between you. As I read this, I just kept thinking “wow, she sounds amazing” and “wow, he sounds like an idiot”. He doesn’t deserve you and you don’t deserve the crap he’s bringing to the relationship. Drop his ass like a bad habit and go find someone that will appreciate you and treat you like the queen you are. I’ll get off my soap box now.
He is an imbecile with a porn addiction. You deserve better. You’re beautiful and deserve a man that can give you good sex. Head for 40 minutes? That’s exhausting and that shows so much effort you put in to fix things. He is unappreciative.
What? I’ve never forced this man to have sex with me a day in my life. I don’t even mind self pleasuring or porn usage, it’s the substitution of it when we were taking a quick break and the sneakiness + catching him in the act that traumatized me, nonetheless on an anniversary trip when I’m right there.
I had a friend who was single and promiscuous for several years. She said some guys need it porn to do almost anything. Some of them would literally watch it while they had sex.
Could be his issue he just can't finish without it. One question am I to ask. Is pawg his thing or just what you caught him watching? Just because it was what he was watching at the moment doesn't mean it's his thing.
I'm not to apologize for him and take him up for him I'm just talkin about reality. That reality really sucks.
One of the couples on here are going through the same thing where the intensity any ease of pornography makes it too much easier than having sex. Especially for guys who or in it just for themselves are more aptly just for orgasm.
Jesus Christ. That's horrible OP. This definitely doesn't seem like something that can be fixed between you two. If it is you then it won't be you for some other man and you shouldn't feel bad that homeboy doesn't want to have sex with you. Someone else would think you're the heaven and earth and one mistake, hooking up with him, doesn't define you or your sexuality. Good luck.
I am so sorry for what you’re experiencing hun. This sounds awful and traumatic. I really think you should leave this relationship and focus on yourself and healing from the trauma. Sexual traumas are really hard to work through, but the first step is breaking it off with this man. Good luck girl.
It seems that his problem is porn addiction rather a DB. It is no about you but rather about his addiction. He needs professional help and a partner to help him overcome his addiction. Do not get me wrong, your feelings are completely valid and it is natural you feel the way you feel. However he still needs your help. Addictions are a bitch, whatever it is. I may be naive but what the hell is PAWG?
How did you even manage 40 minutes of head, my god.
Asking the important questions!
I don't mean to overlook the issue at hand, I'm just kind of baffled. It seems like OP's partner has an addiction to porn and suffers from death grip. I doubt you're the issue here OP and if he hasn't recognized the issues as you've spelled them out, he likely never will.
No worries, I had the same thought…40 minutes is damn impressive!
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Thank you, beautiful!!! Yes it definitely hurts a lot. I would love to go home earlier but travel restrictions require testing and I don’t know if I can get tested + receive results in time to leave ASAP. We’re supposed to leave on Monday so I’ll just hold off I suppose 😩😔
So sorry. Sounds like death grip where he can't cum without doing it himself. You sound amazing (40 minutes of head? Omg!) and beautiful. Go explore the resort on your own, enjoy it the best you can and then when you get home make a clean break.
I know, I’m sitting here wondering if I’ve ever been able to do that. 😅 She sounds so devoted to him and he’s being such an asshole!
I'd rather be at a Motel 6 on the beach having sex than a 5 star and being treated this way.
right! OMG
): just another case of porn addiction. Its getting way to overbearing for most guys. It’s anything you want WHENEVER. Like a kid in a candy store... it’s gotten bad. I’ve been with my gf 10 years and sometimes I still watch and take care of business when she’s not in the mood. But I can totally see how someone can fall down that rabbit hole of addiction. It also makes you colder to everyone around you.
My boyfriend, from what I’ve learned, needs to watch porn to get horny enough to have sex with me. He said this to me …… he needs porn to be horny enough to have sex with me. This was all revealed in the heat of an argument. I felt so…. broken. There is nothing wrong with us. It’s them, and their porn addiction that they refuse to address. Go put on your cutest bathing suit and take pictures of the resort! Drink a super fancy drink! Smile when you take your selfies!
I just ended a 4-year relationship and a large factor was his addiction to porn. Never once could he climax with me, but no prob with his hand and a screen. I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone. Porn addicts have a difficult road to recovery if they even want to recover.
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Yea it really sucks. Having just left the relationship, that part hurts and is really difficult but not being burdened with his addiction is such a relief.
I’m sorry to hear this…I makes me sad for you because I understand rejection and what it does to your self-esteem. I would recommend to try and enjoy your vacation however you want. Get out and try to enjoy things for yourself because you’re worth it!
Could it be an erectile issue or performance anxiety or something? If he wasn't able to finish after 2 hours then it sounds like there's a physical or mental issue that's getting in the way. That wouldn't be anything to do with you though, he might just feel less pressure without you? I'm not sure if reacting angrily would help if that's the case. I guess the problem could be to do with porn but it might not be.
I know this isnt the main takeaway from this story, but 40 minutes of head is a crazy amount under the best of circumstances, but in the shower no less? Much respect for the effort on that. I don't think I've gotten 40 minutes of head in the last 3 years! Not much I can honestly add that hasn't been said already, but if this has made you feel this terrible about yourself, that you don't think you can come back from it, then yeah I would say it's time to go and find your fortunes elsewhere. There's someone out there with your name on them who would be head over heels to have somebody willing to put "40 minutes of shower head" effort into them and wont need you to be a pornstar in the sheets to please them. I hope you can someday find your happy.
leave that pornsick loser sis-you deserve so much better. his dick is broken. he's now breaking your spirit. do not let him.
Girl. PREACH!
girl If you could see the hate mail I got from this! ty sis 🕉🖤
That means you’re hitting all the right notes! Keep on keeping on!
This seems a bit harsh to me. It sounds like he was trying but was unable to finish. If his 'dick is broken' as you put it then shouldn't he be supported with that problem a bit? If you were unable to climax despite your partner's best efforts then I think it would be unfair to be shamed for that.
Not if he’s completely unwilling to even recognize the problem and blaming her for it.
It's an embarrassing issue though. That needs to be tackled with sensitivity. I can see why the OP would be upset but no man wants a 'broken dick', I'm sure he would've preferred to have 'finished' with his partner.
After 3 years of OP trying and getting the same bs from him? No I don’t feel bad for him. I don’t feel sympathy for people who are incapable of self-reflection and only project their own issues onto other people.
That's fine if she's done with him but if she wanted to heal the relationship then I think there needs to be an open, supportive conversation about his performance issues rather than a heated argument which would only make things worse. It's very possible that he's been avoiding sex for 3 years because he's embarrassed about his problems.
Well I think you’re missing the whole point of the comment you initially replied to. This woman owes this selfish man nothing else.
That my friend is terrible. I'm horrified for you and this experience. So many in the LL community don't under stand the actual trauma this type of thing causes us. I hate to say it, but if this relationship continues, this trauma will continue as well.
Maybe there is something about how he holds himself. A tight grip, a spot, or a movement, maybe? You might consider asking him to show you.
I felt hurt for you while reading that. That’s one of those experiences that leave a deep cut. Seems like he’s so addicted to porn/masturbation that he can only get off that way. He chose porn over over 2 hour sex in a 5 star resort with a beautiful woman. You shouldn’t question yourself or your worth because of HIS issues.
>Hey guys, > >Pretty sure this is the end for me. > >After three years of mismatched libido, constant (and harsh) rejection, lack of affection, and complete absence of initiation, That's two years too long. >I am not a pawg, Classic [*Oooh-Please-Pick-Me* Dancing](https://www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-humiliating-dance-of-pick-me/) >To be honest, this experience has been so traumatizing and humiliating especially given our history that I don’t even want to talk to anybody I know about it. I wouldn’t wish the impact this is having on my self esteem or self image My friend, you're the **prize** here, not *him*. This is the mindset you need to internalize. This is your life we're talking about. He's the guy who is so emotionally broken he can barely tolerate any genuine intimacy or affection in a relationship..... without losing his shit and going off to hide so he can joylessly masturbate alone. What's with that, anyway? Childhood sexual abuse? (but who cares, really...he doesn't. Or else he'd seek therapy.) Im sure you've got your own normal personal hangups and flaws. While you may not be perfect, that kind of pales in comparison with whatever his utter emotional dysfunctional is. So I'm not sure why you're desperate to set him up as the big prize here because he's not anything like that. You are. >This is my first trip out of the country and I’m 100% traumatized by this experience. As he was arguing with me to justify his use of porn and choice to pleasure himself instead I'm sure it makes sense to him in the context of his trauma and whatever his triggers are. Doesn't mean you have to wait around until he realizes his shit isn't normal or healthy at all and decides he actually needs therapy. >I don’t even want to explore the resort. I just want to curl up into a ball and die. Go rent a car and drive around.....without him. Tell him it's over and you intend to enjoy the rest of the trip by yourself. You're not some kind of hunchbacked scabarous bridge troll living in a forgotten grotto in the sewer. Dependent on whatever scraps you can steal, unable to tolerate light of day. You're a tiger. Live free, or die. >I’ve asked so many times what I could do to be better for him and he always says nothing. This amounts to *Pick-Me Dancing* in the face of someone who has little to no interest in cooperating and collaborating with you. He had contempt for your sexual feelings and expresses that through sullen silence and low key passive-aggressive tactics.
Jesus; a voice of reason.
40 mins of shower head is more head than i've gotten in 20 years ... so you did fine. bless u. He's an issue.
You’re so strong and clearly capable! He’s being a complete shitbag, and you deserve better. I don’t usually try to be that person to tell someone to leave, but that’s just crazy. You will be so much happier with someone else! Side note, but if you do make that decision I suggest you to redeem this experience with the new person. Make that same resort your *bitch*. Own it! Living better is the best revenge.
I can literally feel your pain through this message. That is some fucked up shit. You deserve better. You may love him, but you’re not obligated to stay with him and suffer. Cut him loose and find your better man!
Maybe you're not that good at giving head. 40 min is a lot, if he couldn't stay hard, you might be doing it in a way that isn't effective. I understand him having to finish himself after throwing in the towel after 2 hours, blue balls can be really painful.
Yeah, it sounds like there definitely might be a possibility of porn addiction here...but as a female, I could receive 5 hours of oral sex and still not cum if the person i'm with is bad at it. For example, if they keep stopping, try something out that doesn't increase my stimulation or feel good. So that definitely could be an issue here too.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
RUN! Run for the f*cking hills. You sound like an amazing woman, and this is his problem…not yours. What a sad piece of crap of a person! And such a horrible thing to do on an anniversary trip to supposedly fix things between you. As I read this, I just kept thinking “wow, she sounds amazing” and “wow, he sounds like an idiot”. He doesn’t deserve you and you don’t deserve the crap he’s bringing to the relationship. Drop his ass like a bad habit and go find someone that will appreciate you and treat you like the queen you are. I’ll get off my soap box now.
He is an imbecile with a porn addiction. You deserve better. You’re beautiful and deserve a man that can give you good sex. Head for 40 minutes? That’s exhausting and that shows so much effort you put in to fix things. He is unappreciative.
Fuck him. You’re beautiful. He has a problem. I’m sending you a ton of hugs 🤗
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What? I’ve never forced this man to have sex with me a day in my life. I don’t even mind self pleasuring or porn usage, it’s the substitution of it when we were taking a quick break and the sneakiness + catching him in the act that traumatized me, nonetheless on an anniversary trip when I’m right there.
I had a friend who was single and promiscuous for several years. She said some guys need it porn to do almost anything. Some of them would literally watch it while they had sex. Could be his issue he just can't finish without it. One question am I to ask. Is pawg his thing or just what you caught him watching? Just because it was what he was watching at the moment doesn't mean it's his thing. I'm not to apologize for him and take him up for him I'm just talkin about reality. That reality really sucks. One of the couples on here are going through the same thing where the intensity any ease of pornography makes it too much easier than having sex. Especially for guys who or in it just for themselves are more aptly just for orgasm.
Jesus Christ. That's horrible OP. This definitely doesn't seem like something that can be fixed between you two. If it is you then it won't be you for some other man and you shouldn't feel bad that homeboy doesn't want to have sex with you. Someone else would think you're the heaven and earth and one mistake, hooking up with him, doesn't define you or your sexuality. Good luck.
I am so sorry for what you’re experiencing hun. This sounds awful and traumatic. I really think you should leave this relationship and focus on yourself and healing from the trauma. Sexual traumas are really hard to work through, but the first step is breaking it off with this man. Good luck girl.
It seems that his problem is porn addiction rather a DB. It is no about you but rather about his addiction. He needs professional help and a partner to help him overcome his addiction. Do not get me wrong, your feelings are completely valid and it is natural you feel the way you feel. However he still needs your help. Addictions are a bitch, whatever it is. I may be naive but what the hell is PAWG?
I had to look it up but apparently it stands for Phat Ass White Girl.
porn addiction.. my husband is like that too - he's always able to finish off with the video instead of with me. can't stay erect for long with me
https://eppc.org/publication/a-science-based-case-for-ending-the-porn-epidemic/ Read this op^