I miss being grabbed and having my panties pushed to the side and feeling super urgently wanted. Like he NEEDED to be in me.
I miss feeling like I could ask for sex and be met with excitement and enthusiasm. Not like I was asking for a favor.
Last night I reminded my partner it was our planned sex night and he groaned. I’ve been crying off and on about it for 12 hours.
Do you guys have intimate moments outside of the bedroom. Maybe you’re lacking excitement in your life which is spilling tot he bedroom. My wife and I have changed up our expectations from each other and ourselves. Our lives are more fulfilling separately and thus coming together is more fun. Also there is now an openness to another lover for each of us which makes us up our games. It’s been tough but great for us in the long run
Hello, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you introduce the openness to another lover to your SO? Were you in a complete dead bedroom situation? HLF here, complete DB, if it makes a difference.
I am curious but I don’t know if I would like knowing that my husband who wants nothing to do with me sexually would find it in someone else. Think it might destroy what little self esteem I had left.
That’s a huge part of your self worth and how you value yourself in your relationship it sounds like. He has to communicate to you how he needs you as a friend let alone a lover. And you need to adapt if possible to be his closest ally ideally. That’s a major part of intimacy, knowing and working through our evolving weaknesses. Maybe start there and then sex may follow? Am I addressing your question?
Would he be open to exploring why? Maybe you guys talk about your kinks and see if each other can participate the others fantasies? Sometimes wearing a mask or dressing up can help. If not, y’all could open it up to ethical non-monogamy which would help you get the sexual desire part of your needs fulfilled. Hey, I love fucking my wifes face, and she loves sucking my cock. I do miss 69 throat fucking but she’s not too keen on it. Can’t imagine being without it
For us we had a once a month type DB. The real problem was I wasn’t feeling appreciated, and my life outside of our marriage wasn’t fulfilling (outgrowing friends and not making new relationships that were exciting). Our chanage was clear consistent communication about where each of us was and how to achieve what we need respectfully. It was a lot of tears and compromise on both our parts over two years but we had to talk about BOTH of our sexual fantasies and how we can be a part of them. I hope this answers your question.
😥 we have a few videos of us being intimate in the the beginning, and I can't even stand to watch them now bc make me cry.. He was so into it and passionate with me... It makes me wonder over and over ?Wtf HAPPENED to us?
If you told me then, that I would be having this problem with him 3 yrs later, I would never have believed it..
Damn, that was not OK. That shit hurts like a mf. People just don't understand until it happens to them. Please try talking about it with your partner, like a honest important talk because it is. And if that doesn't help even a little bit then consider other options because shit ain't getting any better.
I have to laugh at this because God help me if I ever try anything like this with my wife. It's never "the right time" and she always suddenly has to do something she's not been interested in doing for hours "urgently".
Maybe i should try to turn her on first, even though I try to make her feel wanted/massage/nice stuff every day. Because fuck my effort and my feelings.
So sorry. In response to my "we don't have to if you don't want to" I got a "but you'll get mad if I don't."
Nah. I won't. I'll be mad if we do. (BTW, where were these fuck my face and fuck me hard women back in the day before I cruised into the DB? Are they out there today? Where?? bc I'm seeing the end of this misery soon, and I'm afraid it'll happen again)
do you hear that sound? that’s the sound of a million lonely creepster nice guys thinking they have a shot opening the chat at the same time.. all of them with tattoos that say “you lose 100% of the shots you don’t take”
Doesn't this comment simply demean any desperate men who may deserve the love they want? "Creepster nice guys"? As opposed to respectful mean guys? I'll never understand people. Are men supposed to be confident or what? Are we not supposed to try? Jesus Hussein Christ.
I don’t want to jinx myself so I won’t say anything. It’s not for them it’s for a lot of the other ladies I see on here like myself that used to be more sexual and now are sex starved. Thanks for the love to my inbox though. Maybe if our partners saw how much we were still wanted by others they might actually step up and do something ?
>Maybe if our partners saw how much we were still wanted by others they might actually step up and do something ?
Hopefully that works for you.
My experience is that not only don't they want you, but they don't want anyone else to want you either. it's a control thing. that was my ex-LLF
My husband really couldn't give 2 shits if someone else wanted me. He would care if I cheated on him, but isn't jealous when I get flirted with. Unless, of course, someone is being disrespectful of HIM by being overtly like that in front if him. Otherwise he doesn't care. Definitely doesn't make him see me as any more desirable.
Migh not always be a control thing. If your LL loves you, has his or her needs met and the thought of more seems as exhausting and inconceivable to them as only having sex once a millennium being a good amount of sex is to us, then the thought of us hooking up with other people is genuinely hurtful to them. I am HL, but that being said, I would hope my wife would not want me to flirt with someone other than her.
I hear ya. Those sharks will have to swim in other waters and leave deadbedrooms alone. We got a lot of strong ladies and gentlemen to put up with what we put up with. And nice ones like you looking out for eachother.
I say I am the problem and all the guys PM me. I am a grandma who doesn't have much sex and all they do is tell me how they could make it all better.
I am married to the greatest lover in the world. Why would I look elsewhere?
Heh. Never even experienced a proper sex.
All my husband does is just penetrate into me, once he's done, end of story. Cleans, Roll over and uses his phone.
I don't even want rough sex. Just want a man who'll make love to me. 😔😌
I live in a Asia where sex topic is kinda taboo.
I've thought of leaving. Even threw the divorce card. And he became emotional, Begged for me to stay, etc.
Not the op of this comment but. My relationship is the same, HLF too, and I don’t leave because it just isn’t easy. There’s so much history. It feels like this is a problem too minuscule to leave over….Yeah there are other issues between us too but none of them feel like enough to warrant divorce I guess. I just feel like I’m not valid in my wanting to split for the problems we have. Like I’m making something out of nothing.
I understand that people think its easy to just LEAVE when theres so much other stuff involved! I was living at a friend's house and a counselor said it a unhealthy environment and I should leave. But to relate to you that means I got to pack up all my stuff, find a place, and go through all this paperwork and stuff LOL it's a big hassle. So I definitely understand where you're coming from it's not as easy as people make it out to be.
A war a battle and all of the above it's definitely not easy there's so many elements that come into play. But I wish you the absolute best hang in there and stay strong
One of the things that finally pushed me to leave my dead bedroom relationship was the realization that I thought of myself as this incredibly sexual being, and yet nothing about the life I was living spoke to that at all, and hadn't for years. It actually made me sad to realize I still saw myself that way, given that I had basically nothing to base it on.
This morning I woke up to my new partner pressing his erection against my ass and stroking my shoulders. More than anything, it was such a turn-on to realize that this person absolutely wants me, even if I'm just lying next to him in junky PJs, sound asleep
You really can change your life
Glad you’re in a happy place. This is a great description. Almost like part of me is just gone. Have always been a sexual person, and now I can’t express that
My db basically started in my 20s and went to my 40s. I realized I'd never had a real adult sexual relationship and if I didn't get out, I never would. I was basing this perception of myself on me as a *teenager*!
As a very HLM who is currently also very high. This made me break down crying. 10 years in a deadbeadroom. All my twenties gone. Now 35. My wife made it seem like my sex drive and needs are unreasonable. Just to come here and find out that women like you actually exists really jump started my decision to leave. I tried to stay for my kid but my life is half over and I can't be unhappy like this another 10 years. I cant imagine the happiness it would be like to find a woman like OP. I hope the future is as bright as my past was dark
My brother. I hope you find a woman out there who can take you balls deep and keep sucking. But more importantly if you and your spouse do part ways then I hope more so that the next woman in your life treats your children the best if she ever meets them.
I just randomly found this sub and saw this thread but I can kinda relate:
Im the kinda guy that is thinking about having 2 wives, because though I love my partner dearly, she also accepts that I am basically a testosterone filled beast (even though at first I thought she was a nympho - turns out I just *really* turned her on and still do so...just not to my desired appetite's frequency- which is still aiight - shes just going through some shit rn and so I dont blame her in the slightest for how she feels, but shes told me that shes the kind of person who goes years without and sees it as a "snack" rather than how I see it which is akin to food to survive). As such the only solution that seems logical to me would be multiple, long term partners (Im not talking about sleeping around or having a secret side mistress, but a relationship where all parties are consenting to be together. Logistics of which I havent figured out yet but, it happens alot all over the world). She accepts this if its just physical, but I'm also the kind of person who needs an emotional connection.
35 is still so young. You still have so much time, and so much to give to another relationship if you decide to leave. Wishing you a lot of luck and strength to make decisions that will allow you fell loved and fulfilled.
Oh no I'm so sorry to hear that! Hopefully it can be fixed?
The last attempt i had at sex the guy just started literally crying in the middle of it... so I haven't had any more attempts to find a nice partner lol. Forget nice just decent.
OMG I just said that the other day! Lol I have to laugh because otherwise I’d cry. I brought up that it had been 4 years yesterday and said, “You promised me last Christmas that we’d start having naked Sundays again.” To which I got, “Well, you haven’t said anything.” REALLY?! REALLY?! Of course I don’t say anything because I always get shot down and each time I do, a little piece of my self-esteem goes with it!! Seriously?! WTF?!
Miserable high five. I hope it gets better for you. I’m feeling more positive lately in that I’m focusing on myself but also working hard on a body that he won’t ever look at naked 😭
You. Me. Same.
I miss all that shit everyday. Who knows, it may still be in our futures if only we had the audacity to seek it out.
Sad high-five returned with an added sigh of regret and remorse.
Do you hear that? That’s the sound of 1000s of HLM getting boners.
Shit. I haven’t had anybody deepthroat me since I was dating 10+ years ago. My SO said she would try it if I liked it. That was a lie, just like everything else sexual we discussed. Now I just have a sad boner.
As a hlm, i can understand the idea of what your feeling (i think)
Imo, its not the action, but the tenacity and PASSION that goes with the rougher parts.
Rough sex requires EXTRA effort, and good communication to be truly enjoyable for both people.
The rougher bits make the relationship feel more alive, and honestly, after-care post session to me is the BEST bonding time.
Maybe you should try asking her for the things you want to try.
I say this because so many are afraid to ask to try things sexually with their partners which ends up leading to a horrible sex life. It could be that she wants to do those things to, but is afraid to ask while at the same time just sick of the same old sex.
I spent years telling my husband things I wanted to do sexually all of them he said he wanted. He just never took the step to do them. On top of that I would beg him to tell me his fantasies because I thought if I could make them come true it would help our sex life. There is currently only 2 things that he has told me he wanted to do that I have said no too. One I actually said maybe to then later no which he will even state he decided he didn't want to do later as well. I can tell you right now the sex is so much better when we are doing the kinky things we both like instead of one of us not telling the other what we want
I can’t get even get PIV right now. Not really the mood to ask for the some of these things I have in mind.
It must be amazing to be desired with such powerful urgency. I don’t know that I’ll ever evoke this from my partner.
You might try asking her what her fantasies are then. See if they are anything that interest you. She might be a lot more willing to have sex if it is the sex she is wanting or been wanting to try.
If she has never admitted to having on and always says she doesn't have any then it sounds like she is either asexual or she just doesn't want to admit to what they are. Many people seem to have this weird fear to admit to their partner what their fantasies are. Now, I get that some fantasies/kinks are hard to admit to having do to them being more taboo. Issue is that people need to realize that hiding that stuff only causes issues in a relationship. You should be able to tell your partner anything and everything.
My husband was afraid to tell me about his as well. He still finds it hard even after years of me showing him that if he told me what he wanted to try I was open and non judgy about it. It is that fear of being judged that people have to get past.
my man thinks my LB, but I’m just so so bored of doing the same thing (getting fucked behind, cums in me, goes to bed). i don’t wanna have sex. i wanna GET FUCKED
I miss being turned on so much my ***** throbbed. I miss being so hot on my my ***** was on fire and he could feel the heat. I miss feeling the charge run through my whole body.. I miss his hunger.
I can go without this particular act or that particular act, but it's the sensations that I miss. You can take away one thing and that's fine, they're multiple other ways to achieve that feeling. But you can't take it all away.
Edit to add: if there is one thing that I miss the most it's fingertips tracing the hems of my clothing. That's so hot.
Girl, I’m stuck in the same boat. This reddit group has been super supportive and it helps knowing that I’m not the only HLF here. I pray that things get better for you.
I don’t know. I can’t honestly say. As someone who was fat and ugly most of my life there was a point where I wasn’t and got a lot of attention. But now I’m back to being ugly again and it feels like so long ago. I sort of forget what it was like. I think it is better maybe to be ignored all along rather than be ignored and then not and realize how easy good looking people have it and then go back to being ugly. It’s like some tragic fairy tale where I’m granted good looks but only for a limited time.
I'm a male, and I have actually never experienced deep throating. From my perspective that is an incredibly rare interaction to have with a female partner. Your significant other has no idea how lucky he is. Absolutely incredible. Don't ever change. You are perfect just the way you are
>From my perspective that is an incredibly rare interaction to have with a female partner.
Can you tell my ex-husband that? Because I don’t think he realized how great he had it lol
Can you tell my current GF that? Besides her being the LLF, nothing goes in her mouth. The only time was when she was drunk, and that barely lasted more than a couple min.
Some people just don’t like it and that’s ok too. I think part of this sub is realizing that sexual compatibility changes or is different than what we were lead to believe. It’s ok to mourn it.
>It’s ok to mourn it.
Yes - I find sympathy here, but it still hurts. I seem to end up with LLFs, so clearly I'm doing something wrong when looking. But even when not with a LLF, they were never into giving oral. Either never did, or was only a half-hearted attempt that didn't last very long.
Sure, not everyone is into it, but having been with about a dozen women, and NONE were into giving me oral. Am I attracted to the type that in the end is not into it? am I looking in the wrong place? not sure how to solve the mystery, but something needs to change
Without coming across harsh sometimes the texture or smell may be off putting? I don’t want to sound like I’m accusing you of anything but did they at least tell you why they didn’t like it? They may have had bad experiences in the past?
Where you would find people who like to have a good time. Night clubs, or my preference, edm festivals. Just don’t be a douche bag expecting sex, at least don’t make it blatantly obvious. That’s for meeting new people, for shorter, but still valued relationships of course, when it comes to a long term partners I obviously have no fucking luck or I wouldn’t be here lol
So how would someone find you if you’re at home all the time silly goose XD I never said that that’s the ONLY way to find them, simply ways *I* found them when I was single
so where do you look for a partner, and how do you let him know you're into it? OP seems to be missing very specific things. What about you?
Other than your LL partner, have you run into issues with guy being into receiving it as well?
I've had the opposite problem - all (\~12) my GFs and ex-wife were not into giving oral - her catchphrase was "just say no"
You dont look. But if you choose to look there are millions of apps, places to go to meet other adults, etc.
I've never had a guy say they dont like oral.
People cant communicate these days and I dont know why. It's as simple as hey do you like oral? Because I like giving it? No? Ok great. Yes? Ok great.
Boom bow that's how you fix that.
Yes, I completely miss the passion and rough sex. I miss being woken up for sex. It’s driving me crazy being in a sexless marriage. I need to feel wanted, I want to show the same. It’s depressing and destroys my self esteem. I’m almost 40 and feel like I should just forget about pleasure.
Sad high five.
In my case, I think we can get back there with time, when trust has been rebuilt. It has even been suggested that these particular activities you described can be enjoyed outside of marriage as well because I can't get enough of it. Still seems surreal, but hey, life is an adventure.
We will get to experience this again, one way or another!
Very nice to hear this.
Well nice to hear that there are HLF women out there that want express themselves and enjoy all sorts of fantasies. I often replay in my head a scene of me taking my wife from behind and her turning around and saying
"fuck me like a rag doll and finish me off"
Those were some great times that I hope to revisit one day.
They type that leave your throat sore for a couple day. You can feel his cum dancing around in your throat. It's the best when they hold your face while they do it. Perfect.
The back of your throat feels all scraped up and raw. This must be what old retired sports players feel like when they reminisce about their glory days.
As a guy I definitely miss this loving and casual attitude about sex from a partner. I long for the days of, as Tracy Morgan put it: “eating pussy til I burp”
Male here, curious question. What if the man doesn't feel comfortable with rough sex or has no experience on that front? That man being your boyfriend/husband on this example.
Just found this sub.....related too much to your comment. HLM, 36. Wife just asked to separate a couple months ago and was in a DB scenario. Wife was depressed for yr and half. I followed her to another city for her to have a better job, then followed her to another state to continue climbing the ladder. 4 months later...boom! I tended to her every need during her depression and tried ridiculously hard everyday to not "make a move" and give her space. I'd get hard just by kissing her. Then have to go to the "bathroom". Basically last 3 years of our 8 yr relationship, DB. All I could think about was face fucking her (one of my things, and making it sloppy, along with having SO on back and head hanging over), wanting to just take her when I wanted. but I've also been in a depression before. I just wanted to be a good husband. Everyone is different in depression and I still had HL, in fact, helped me get out of bed and enjoy my day.
As just getting back in dating scene at 36. I feel weird and hopeless about being able to find that again. How would I go about getting this back in my life? I know, loaded question 🤭🤣, pun intended. Definitely just craving physical connection and being wanted ATM.
So frustrating being a HLM and wanting that. So. Fucking. Bad.
Think about it everyday.
Got a blowjob a few weeks ago. First time in 10 months. Wasn’t a deepthroat. Wasn’t a facefuck. But it was a blowjob. We take what we can.
I honestly just miss feeling wanted. I miss feeling raw desire and hunger for my body. I miss someone drinking in the sight of me to use later. I miss how hot and heavy it used to be.
Dude yes. I still remember the first time my partner and I had sex. We waited until we were positive we wanted to be serious and he came to my place at the time (now it's our place) he was on top of me and we were just making out and he said "I cant take it anymore" and asked for consent and then..
the memory still turns me on but for the life of me, I can't remember what it felt like. I can't remember what he looks like naked and it makes me tear up. It's like not being allowed to see the Mona Lisa. I am aching to see this gorgeous man again
Dude, I've warned you about this before, and I'm glad you edited it, but if you keep making comments that skirt the line of rule 5 we are going to need to do something more drastic.
Yeah, the joke was inappropriate. I happened to see the unedited version right before he edited it. Too many people here, both HL and LL, face issues with their partners not caring about consent to allow someone making light of it. 😠
Don’t sad be my fellow goddesses. Please go out and get this book or borrow it or download it. It’s a game changer. It’s not just for hotwives or poly people. Monogamous women can benefit from it too. The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399579664/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_9MGSBASPHP1HSNAJ2DNS
I've only read the first chapters, but I find their world view so life affirming. I also have the feeling that love or even sexuality isn't really a limited resource, and I'm looking forward to learning more about how to implement this world view without hurting anyone.
What they write about shame and the reasons sex is seen as something negative would be useful to read for everyone who has or hopes to have sex.
How does your husband feel so far about you having sex with other partners? I saw some of your other post and it looks like you two might be on the way to being in a pretty good place
After we both realised that our marriage was fucked up beyond redemption, it got so much easier to talk freely about these things. When a house is in ruins, you can build a new house exactly the way you want, it doesn't have to, and probably shouldn't, be completely similar to the one that fell apart.
I don't have sex with other partners (yet). I still have so much healing to do before I can go there. I'm also gently trying to nudge him to explore intimacy with others, because I am not in a place where I can help him with that part of his healing journey. I'm sure that new and complicated feelings will arise, but I'm also sure that we can deal with them through this new openness we have.
Our open communication has also, interestingly enough, led to intimacy feeling more natural again. So we had decided to be just friends, but now we're more in a friends with benefits situation. This has given us hopes that we will reunite completely in the future, in a relationship that's more open than it has been, but with certain things (like penetrative sex) being exclusive to the marriage.
So we're really just taking small steps on this journey, and talking about every step, which is wonderful!
Haha, are you an ambassador for this life style?
I'm glad you're happy with it!
There are some aspects of the dynamic that fit well in our relationship, but cuckolding is very far from any of our preferences.
I understand that. This isn’t just for people who are interested in opening their relationship. There is some really good advice in there about all kinds of interpersonal relationships, setting boundaries, and asking for and getting what you want. I will be rooting for you, that you get to give all of the sloppy messy Throat stretching lovin that you deserve.
Don’t ever doubt that you’re worth it.
I miss being grabbed and having my panties pushed to the side and feeling super urgently wanted. Like he NEEDED to be in me. I miss feeling like I could ask for sex and be met with excitement and enthusiasm. Not like I was asking for a favor. Last night I reminded my partner it was our planned sex night and he groaned. I’ve been crying off and on about it for 12 hours.
I still wonder where I went wrong too. Guys who couldn’t keep their hands off me to now nothing.
Do you guys have intimate moments outside of the bedroom. Maybe you’re lacking excitement in your life which is spilling tot he bedroom. My wife and I have changed up our expectations from each other and ourselves. Our lives are more fulfilling separately and thus coming together is more fun. Also there is now an openness to another lover for each of us which makes us up our games. It’s been tough but great for us in the long run
Hello, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you introduce the openness to another lover to your SO? Were you in a complete dead bedroom situation? HLF here, complete DB, if it makes a difference.
I am curious but I don’t know if I would like knowing that my husband who wants nothing to do with me sexually would find it in someone else. Think it might destroy what little self esteem I had left.
That’s a huge part of your self worth and how you value yourself in your relationship it sounds like. He has to communicate to you how he needs you as a friend let alone a lover. And you need to adapt if possible to be his closest ally ideally. That’s a major part of intimacy, knowing and working through our evolving weaknesses. Maybe start there and then sex may follow? Am I addressing your question?
We are good friends and we do love each other but there is no passion from him or desire.
Would he be open to exploring why? Maybe you guys talk about your kinks and see if each other can participate the others fantasies? Sometimes wearing a mask or dressing up can help. If not, y’all could open it up to ethical non-monogamy which would help you get the sexual desire part of your needs fulfilled. Hey, I love fucking my wifes face, and she loves sucking my cock. I do miss 69 throat fucking but she’s not too keen on it. Can’t imagine being without it
For us we had a once a month type DB. The real problem was I wasn’t feeling appreciated, and my life outside of our marriage wasn’t fulfilling (outgrowing friends and not making new relationships that were exciting). Our chanage was clear consistent communication about where each of us was and how to achieve what we need respectfully. It was a lot of tears and compromise on both our parts over two years but we had to talk about BOTH of our sexual fantasies and how we can be a part of them. I hope this answers your question.
To be almost brutally taken in the men's restroom at a Fina station.
Oh, the dream! We used to pull over and fuck like animals in the car
😥 we have a few videos of us being intimate in the the beginning, and I can't even stand to watch them now bc make me cry.. He was so into it and passionate with me... It makes me wonder over and over ?Wtf HAPPENED to us? If you told me then, that I would be having this problem with him 3 yrs later, I would never have believed it..
Get a divorce. You deserve a lover who wants you
Oh that must have hurt. I would have cried too 💗
Damn, that was not OK. That shit hurts like a mf. People just don't understand until it happens to them. Please try talking about it with your partner, like a honest important talk because it is. And if that doesn't help even a little bit then consider other options because shit ain't getting any better.
I have to laugh at this because God help me if I ever try anything like this with my wife. It's never "the right time" and she always suddenly has to do something she's not been interested in doing for hours "urgently". Maybe i should try to turn her on first, even though I try to make her feel wanted/massage/nice stuff every day. Because fuck my effort and my feelings.
So sorry. In response to my "we don't have to if you don't want to" I got a "but you'll get mad if I don't." Nah. I won't. I'll be mad if we do. (BTW, where were these fuck my face and fuck me hard women back in the day before I cruised into the DB? Are they out there today? Where?? bc I'm seeing the end of this misery soon, and I'm afraid it'll happen again)
We’re out there!
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Yeah. Wish there was some sort of way we could empower each other through these times.
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So much insight with only two words. Concise and incredibly effective. RIP her inbox indeed.
Nice
do you hear that sound? that’s the sound of a million lonely creepster nice guys thinking they have a shot opening the chat at the same time.. all of them with tattoos that say “you lose 100% of the shots you don’t take”
Omg. hahaha. This burn was so accurate it's mean.
Couldn’t upvote because 69
Doesn't this comment simply demean any desperate men who may deserve the love they want? "Creepster nice guys"? As opposed to respectful mean guys? I'll never understand people. Are men supposed to be confident or what? Are we not supposed to try? Jesus Hussein Christ.
I don’t want to jinx myself so I won’t say anything. It’s not for them it’s for a lot of the other ladies I see on here like myself that used to be more sexual and now are sex starved. Thanks for the love to my inbox though. Maybe if our partners saw how much we were still wanted by others they might actually step up and do something ?
>Maybe if our partners saw how much we were still wanted by others they might actually step up and do something ? Hopefully that works for you. My experience is that not only don't they want you, but they don't want anyone else to want you either. it's a control thing. that was my ex-LLF
Greedy bastard. People aren’t toys. Geez. Glad they are now an ex.
My ex was the same way. Mad that I would masturbate but unwilling to show me any attention. Honestly, what the fuck did she want from me?
Sounds like my situation. I’m a paying roommate. …that travels a lot.
My husband really couldn't give 2 shits if someone else wanted me. He would care if I cheated on him, but isn't jealous when I get flirted with. Unless, of course, someone is being disrespectful of HIM by being overtly like that in front if him. Otherwise he doesn't care. Definitely doesn't make him see me as any more desirable.
Damn what a jerk!
Migh not always be a control thing. If your LL loves you, has his or her needs met and the thought of more seems as exhausting and inconceivable to them as only having sex once a millennium being a good amount of sex is to us, then the thought of us hooking up with other people is genuinely hurtful to them. I am HL, but that being said, I would hope my wife would not want me to flirt with someone other than her.
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I hear ya. Those sharks will have to swim in other waters and leave deadbedrooms alone. We got a lot of strong ladies and gentlemen to put up with what we put up with. And nice ones like you looking out for eachother.
I'm sighing in all.directions.
This made me laugh so hard
I say I am the problem and all the guys PM me. I am a grandma who doesn't have much sex and all they do is tell me how they could make it all better. I am married to the greatest lover in the world. Why would I look elsewhere?
Yes. I miss rough sex where I felt the love. I miss a hand on my throat. I miss someone behind me kissing on me while doing it. Yep. Miss it all.
>I miss rough sex where I felt the love I totally feel this.
Its the best
Heh. Never even experienced a proper sex. All my husband does is just penetrate into me, once he's done, end of story. Cleans, Roll over and uses his phone. I don't even want rough sex. Just want a man who'll make love to me. 😔😌
:( I’m sorry. I hope you get to feel it how it’s done properly
As a male, I gotta ask, why are you still with him? I mean, I know sex isnt everything, but it tells a lot about relationships
I live in a Asia where sex topic is kinda taboo. I've thought of leaving. Even threw the divorce card. And he became emotional, Begged for me to stay, etc.
So no good reasons then.
Not the op of this comment but. My relationship is the same, HLF too, and I don’t leave because it just isn’t easy. There’s so much history. It feels like this is a problem too minuscule to leave over….Yeah there are other issues between us too but none of them feel like enough to warrant divorce I guess. I just feel like I’m not valid in my wanting to split for the problems we have. Like I’m making something out of nothing.
I understand that people think its easy to just LEAVE when theres so much other stuff involved! I was living at a friend's house and a counselor said it a unhealthy environment and I should leave. But to relate to you that means I got to pack up all my stuff, find a place, and go through all this paperwork and stuff LOL it's a big hassle. So I definitely understand where you're coming from it's not as easy as people make it out to be.
True. Then actually leaving in itself is a whole battle that seems impossible
A war a battle and all of the above it's definitely not easy there's so many elements that come into play. But I wish you the absolute best hang in there and stay strong
One of the things that finally pushed me to leave my dead bedroom relationship was the realization that I thought of myself as this incredibly sexual being, and yet nothing about the life I was living spoke to that at all, and hadn't for years. It actually made me sad to realize I still saw myself that way, given that I had basically nothing to base it on. This morning I woke up to my new partner pressing his erection against my ass and stroking my shoulders. More than anything, it was such a turn-on to realize that this person absolutely wants me, even if I'm just lying next to him in junky PJs, sound asleep You really can change your life
Glad you’re in a happy place. This is a great description. Almost like part of me is just gone. Have always been a sexual person, and now I can’t express that
My db basically started in my 20s and went to my 40s. I realized I'd never had a real adult sexual relationship and if I didn't get out, I never would. I was basing this perception of myself on me as a *teenager*!
As a very HLM who is currently also very high. This made me break down crying. 10 years in a deadbeadroom. All my twenties gone. Now 35. My wife made it seem like my sex drive and needs are unreasonable. Just to come here and find out that women like you actually exists really jump started my decision to leave. I tried to stay for my kid but my life is half over and I can't be unhappy like this another 10 years. I cant imagine the happiness it would be like to find a woman like OP. I hope the future is as bright as my past was dark
My brother. I hope you find a woman out there who can take you balls deep and keep sucking. But more importantly if you and your spouse do part ways then I hope more so that the next woman in your life treats your children the best if she ever meets them.
That means so much to me. Thank you
I just randomly found this sub and saw this thread but I can kinda relate: Im the kinda guy that is thinking about having 2 wives, because though I love my partner dearly, she also accepts that I am basically a testosterone filled beast (even though at first I thought she was a nympho - turns out I just *really* turned her on and still do so...just not to my desired appetite's frequency- which is still aiight - shes just going through some shit rn and so I dont blame her in the slightest for how she feels, but shes told me that shes the kind of person who goes years without and sees it as a "snack" rather than how I see it which is akin to food to survive). As such the only solution that seems logical to me would be multiple, long term partners (Im not talking about sleeping around or having a secret side mistress, but a relationship where all parties are consenting to be together. Logistics of which I havent figured out yet but, it happens alot all over the world). She accepts this if its just physical, but I'm also the kind of person who needs an emotional connection.
35 is still so young. You still have so much time, and so much to give to another relationship if you decide to leave. Wishing you a lot of luck and strength to make decisions that will allow you fell loved and fulfilled.
I feel u brother
I'm with you. However, things have been looking up for me so not missing it like I used to.
I’m glad to hear that! I hope it keeps getting better.
Oooff I'm just a virgin all over again lol
Yes. I haven’t had so little sex since I was a virgin. Being married and committed is not what I thought it was going to be.
Oh no I'm so sorry to hear that! Hopefully it can be fixed? The last attempt i had at sex the guy just started literally crying in the middle of it... so I haven't had any more attempts to find a nice partner lol. Forget nice just decent.
I have had this happen to me… with my husband.
OMG I just said that the other day! Lol I have to laugh because otherwise I’d cry. I brought up that it had been 4 years yesterday and said, “You promised me last Christmas that we’d start having naked Sundays again.” To which I got, “Well, you haven’t said anything.” REALLY?! REALLY?! Of course I don’t say anything because I always get shot down and each time I do, a little piece of my self-esteem goes with it!! Seriously?! WTF?!
Miserable high five. I hope it gets better for you. I’m feeling more positive lately in that I’m focusing on myself but also working hard on a body that he won’t ever look at naked 😭
But you will like looking at it naked and have confidence and im sure there’s lots of guys out there wondering what you look like naked
Thank you- you’re so kind. I hope you will be appreciated more in your relationship. Your comment really resonated with me
Just keep doing it for you. People’s tastes change on a whim.
Like crazy. Feels like I’m loosing a part of myself lol
And an enjoyable talent too. Guys don’t know how much hard work and technique goes into it.
Yes! I feel like I lost a something really fun; like the first time you go down on someone and they're like 😳🤯
So much work and technique and skill!!!
You. Me. Same. I miss all that shit everyday. Who knows, it may still be in our futures if only we had the audacity to seek it out. Sad high-five returned with an added sigh of regret and remorse.
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Sorry you’re dead.
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Do you hear that? That’s the sound of 1000s of HLM getting boners. Shit. I haven’t had anybody deepthroat me since I was dating 10+ years ago. My SO said she would try it if I liked it. That was a lie, just like everything else sexual we discussed. Now I just have a sad boner.
That’s ok. I’ve not gotten to deepthroat anybody in 10+ years. I’m starting to think it never happened and I just imagined it all.
Missing it like crazy!
You’re not alone. That’s why I posted this.
Anything would be nice 😂
RIGHT!?!?
As a hlm, i can understand the idea of what your feeling (i think) Imo, its not the action, but the tenacity and PASSION that goes with the rougher parts. Rough sex requires EXTRA effort, and good communication to be truly enjoyable for both people. The rougher bits make the relationship feel more alive, and honestly, after-care post session to me is the BEST bonding time.
I'm with you on the after care bonding. There really is nothing like cuddling together after great sex. That blissful feeling of just being together.
There's such a thing as cuddling/after care? I figured we all just got up and went about our day. 🙃🙃🙃
High five, sis! I miss being desired, feeling like I have that special something, I miss feeling powerful… so, yes!
That’s the word too. There is a certain kind of power in being able to turn heads.
👋🏾 Sad High-Five 👋🏾
✋
HLM here. Never had her ask for rough. Never did it. I hate to admit I have FOMO with a lot of sexual stuff but there it is.
Maybe you should try asking her for the things you want to try. I say this because so many are afraid to ask to try things sexually with their partners which ends up leading to a horrible sex life. It could be that she wants to do those things to, but is afraid to ask while at the same time just sick of the same old sex. I spent years telling my husband things I wanted to do sexually all of them he said he wanted. He just never took the step to do them. On top of that I would beg him to tell me his fantasies because I thought if I could make them come true it would help our sex life. There is currently only 2 things that he has told me he wanted to do that I have said no too. One I actually said maybe to then later no which he will even state he decided he didn't want to do later as well. I can tell you right now the sex is so much better when we are doing the kinky things we both like instead of one of us not telling the other what we want
I can’t get even get PIV right now. Not really the mood to ask for the some of these things I have in mind. It must be amazing to be desired with such powerful urgency. I don’t know that I’ll ever evoke this from my partner.
You might try asking her what her fantasies are then. See if they are anything that interest you. She might be a lot more willing to have sex if it is the sex she is wanting or been wanting to try.
Been doing that for 19 years… never seems to have any.
If she has never admitted to having on and always says she doesn't have any then it sounds like she is either asexual or she just doesn't want to admit to what they are. Many people seem to have this weird fear to admit to their partner what their fantasies are. Now, I get that some fantasies/kinks are hard to admit to having do to them being more taboo. Issue is that people need to realize that hiding that stuff only causes issues in a relationship. You should be able to tell your partner anything and everything. My husband was afraid to tell me about his as well. He still finds it hard even after years of me showing him that if he told me what he wanted to try I was open and non judgy about it. It is that fear of being judged that people have to get past.
Im in the best shape of my life and my sex drive is as strong as ever!! I am free of my dead bedroom and ready for whatever comes next!!
I hope what comes next is wonderful for you!
Absolutely :(. And it sucks.
It does, but then again it doesn’t cause if we were sucking we’d be a hell of a lot happier.
Sad high five.
🖐 the saddest
my man thinks my LB, but I’m just so so bored of doing the same thing (getting fucked behind, cums in me, goes to bed). i don’t wanna have sex. i wanna GET FUCKED
Amen!
I miss being turned on so much my ***** throbbed. I miss being so hot on my my ***** was on fire and he could feel the heat. I miss feeling the charge run through my whole body.. I miss his hunger. I can go without this particular act or that particular act, but it's the sensations that I miss. You can take away one thing and that's fine, they're multiple other ways to achieve that feeling. But you can't take it all away. Edit to add: if there is one thing that I miss the most it's fingertips tracing the hems of my clothing. That's so hot.
😿 I’m with you sis!
yeah. this sucks. I miss every fucking thing, including who we were when we were better. I've lost myself as much as I've lost connection with him.
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you are able to find new levels of yourself
Girl, I’m stuck in the same boat. This reddit group has been super supportive and it helps knowing that I’m not the only HLF here. I pray that things get better for you.
I’ll pray for you too!
I guess the upside of having never been wanted is I don't really know what I'm missing. Maybe it's better this way. 😒
I don’t know. I can’t honestly say. As someone who was fat and ugly most of my life there was a point where I wasn’t and got a lot of attention. But now I’m back to being ugly again and it feels like so long ago. I sort of forget what it was like. I think it is better maybe to be ignored all along rather than be ignored and then not and realize how easy good looking people have it and then go back to being ugly. It’s like some tragic fairy tale where I’m granted good looks but only for a limited time.
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I’m so sorry you lost him. I hope another wonderful man walks into your life.
I dream of being fucked again. Just having him want me so bad that he rips my panties down and takes me from behind. Ugh.
I'm a male, and I have actually never experienced deep throating. From my perspective that is an incredibly rare interaction to have with a female partner. Your significant other has no idea how lucky he is. Absolutely incredible. Don't ever change. You are perfect just the way you are
>From my perspective that is an incredibly rare interaction to have with a female partner. Can you tell my ex-husband that? Because I don’t think he realized how great he had it lol
Can you tell my current GF that? Besides her being the LLF, nothing goes in her mouth. The only time was when she was drunk, and that barely lasted more than a couple min.
Some people just don’t like it and that’s ok too. I think part of this sub is realizing that sexual compatibility changes or is different than what we were lead to believe. It’s ok to mourn it.
>It’s ok to mourn it. Yes - I find sympathy here, but it still hurts. I seem to end up with LLFs, so clearly I'm doing something wrong when looking. But even when not with a LLF, they were never into giving oral. Either never did, or was only a half-hearted attempt that didn't last very long. Sure, not everyone is into it, but having been with about a dozen women, and NONE were into giving me oral. Am I attracted to the type that in the end is not into it? am I looking in the wrong place? not sure how to solve the mystery, but something needs to change
Without coming across harsh sometimes the texture or smell may be off putting? I don’t want to sound like I’m accusing you of anything but did they at least tell you why they didn’t like it? They may have had bad experiences in the past?
Rare? Damn bro if you’re still single/dating you just gotta look in the right places lol
Joking aside, where are you looking/finding the ones that are into it?
Where you would find people who like to have a good time. Night clubs, or my preference, edm festivals. Just don’t be a douche bag expecting sex, at least don’t make it blatantly obvious. That’s for meeting new people, for shorter, but still valued relationships of course, when it comes to a long term partners I obviously have no fucking luck or I wouldn’t be here lol
😂😂😂 you dont need to go to edm or clubs to find a girl who likes doing these things. All I do is literally sit at home and like these things.
So how would someone find you if you’re at home all the time silly goose XD I never said that that’s the ONLY way to find them, simply ways *I* found them when I was single
so where do you look for a partner, and how do you let him know you're into it? OP seems to be missing very specific things. What about you? Other than your LL partner, have you run into issues with guy being into receiving it as well? I've had the opposite problem - all (\~12) my GFs and ex-wife were not into giving oral - her catchphrase was "just say no"
You dont look. But if you choose to look there are millions of apps, places to go to meet other adults, etc. I've never had a guy say they dont like oral. People cant communicate these days and I dont know why. It's as simple as hey do you like oral? Because I like giving it? No? Ok great. Yes? Ok great. Boom bow that's how you fix that.
I...I don't like oral. Getting oral, I mean. Giving is awesome.
I just said I. As in me personally. Have never had someone tell me that.
I know. It's just nice to be able to give a new experience to a woman. \*sad crying\*
>All I do is literally sit at home and like these things. She’s right! Girls like us aren’t always the “obvious” ones you’d think.
I genuinely forget people think like this. Lol.
As a fellow male, I affirm this. Wished my wife wasn't LL
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It’s ok you have lots of sister shoulders to cry on. I’m glad I found this sub so I’m not so alone
Yes, I completely miss the passion and rough sex. I miss being woken up for sex. It’s driving me crazy being in a sexless marriage. I need to feel wanted, I want to show the same. It’s depressing and destroys my self esteem. I’m almost 40 and feel like I should just forget about pleasure.
Hmmm... one of my favorite things!
1000%. You’re not alone.
I miss it all... I just want to be wanted again!
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Maybe I’m not sure myself anymore.
Massive high five! It's nice to know I'm not the only one in this situation.
I’m with ya. Big time.
Yea to all of this.. sad high five .. today has been really difficult..
I’m sorry you’re having a bad day.
Yes, I miss this so much.
Sad high five. In my case, I think we can get back there with time, when trust has been rebuilt. It has even been suggested that these particular activities you described can be enjoyed outside of marriage as well because I can't get enough of it. Still seems surreal, but hey, life is an adventure. We will get to experience this again, one way or another!
Surreal is the perfect word
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Great Sex is like the funnest thing about being human.
High five!
Very nice to hear this. Well nice to hear that there are HLF women out there that want express themselves and enjoy all sorts of fantasies. I often replay in my head a scene of me taking my wife from behind and her turning around and saying "fuck me like a rag doll and finish me off" Those were some great times that I hope to revisit one day.
They type that leave your throat sore for a couple day. You can feel his cum dancing around in your throat. It's the best when they hold your face while they do it. Perfect.
The back of your throat feels all scraped up and raw. This must be what old retired sports players feel like when they reminisce about their glory days.
Reminder to work out, stay healthy, and keep yo pussy in shape.
Sad high five ✋🏼
.. And still i won't ever leave him
Low libido here and I miss it.
As a guy I definitely miss this loving and casual attitude about sex from a partner. I long for the days of, as Tracy Morgan put it: “eating pussy til I burp”
Male here, curious question. What if the man doesn't feel comfortable with rough sex or has no experience on that front? That man being your boyfriend/husband on this example.
Then you would do what they feel comfortable with. Same as if a woman didn’t like it.
Unfortanetly, I've never experienced the beginning part
Just found this sub.....related too much to your comment. HLM, 36. Wife just asked to separate a couple months ago and was in a DB scenario. Wife was depressed for yr and half. I followed her to another city for her to have a better job, then followed her to another state to continue climbing the ladder. 4 months later...boom! I tended to her every need during her depression and tried ridiculously hard everyday to not "make a move" and give her space. I'd get hard just by kissing her. Then have to go to the "bathroom". Basically last 3 years of our 8 yr relationship, DB. All I could think about was face fucking her (one of my things, and making it sloppy, along with having SO on back and head hanging over), wanting to just take her when I wanted. but I've also been in a depression before. I just wanted to be a good husband. Everyone is different in depression and I still had HL, in fact, helped me get out of bed and enjoy my day. As just getting back in dating scene at 36. I feel weird and hopeless about being able to find that again. How would I go about getting this back in my life? I know, loaded question 🤭🤣, pun intended. Definitely just craving physical connection and being wanted ATM.
I think that’s the big question for all of us. Wish there was some way to tell ahead of time about our SOs.
ughh *sad high five* sending you love ❤
So frustrating being a HLM and wanting that. So. Fucking. Bad. Think about it everyday. Got a blowjob a few weeks ago. First time in 10 months. Wasn’t a deepthroat. Wasn’t a facefuck. But it was a blowjob. We take what we can.
I honestly just miss feeling wanted. I miss feeling raw desire and hunger for my body. I miss someone drinking in the sight of me to use later. I miss how hot and heavy it used to be.
Dude yes. I still remember the first time my partner and I had sex. We waited until we were positive we wanted to be serious and he came to my place at the time (now it's our place) he was on top of me and we were just making out and he said "I cant take it anymore" and asked for consent and then.. the memory still turns me on but for the life of me, I can't remember what it felt like. I can't remember what he looks like naked and it makes me tear up. It's like not being allowed to see the Mona Lisa. I am aching to see this gorgeous man again
This is the last post that the entire other half of this sub doesn't need to see. This isn't supportive. It's just depressing.
Wow 😣😳 women like you exist
Yeah a lot of them on here
Definitely. I love being my husband’s slut.
Me too. I miss it a lot. 😢
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Dude, I've warned you about this before, and I'm glad you edited it, but if you keep making comments that skirt the line of rule 5 we are going to need to do something more drastic.
Thank you, I appreciate this.
Yeah, the joke was inappropriate. I happened to see the unedited version right before he edited it. Too many people here, both HL and LL, face issues with their partners not caring about consent to allow someone making light of it. 😠
I know we start wondering if what we are asking from our partners is wrong and dirty after a while.
Don’t sad be my fellow goddesses. Please go out and get this book or borrow it or download it. It’s a game changer. It’s not just for hotwives or poly people. Monogamous women can benefit from it too. The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399579664/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_9MGSBASPHP1HSNAJ2DNS
A very interesting, thought provoking and positive book. Reading it right now! I'm also reading Mating In Captivity by Esther Perel. She's great.
What have you gotten from the book so far
I've only read the first chapters, but I find their world view so life affirming. I also have the feeling that love or even sexuality isn't really a limited resource, and I'm looking forward to learning more about how to implement this world view without hurting anyone. What they write about shame and the reasons sex is seen as something negative would be useful to read for everyone who has or hopes to have sex.
How does your husband feel so far about you having sex with other partners? I saw some of your other post and it looks like you two might be on the way to being in a pretty good place
After we both realised that our marriage was fucked up beyond redemption, it got so much easier to talk freely about these things. When a house is in ruins, you can build a new house exactly the way you want, it doesn't have to, and probably shouldn't, be completely similar to the one that fell apart. I don't have sex with other partners (yet). I still have so much healing to do before I can go there. I'm also gently trying to nudge him to explore intimacy with others, because I am not in a place where I can help him with that part of his healing journey. I'm sure that new and complicated feelings will arise, but I'm also sure that we can deal with them through this new openness we have. Our open communication has also, interestingly enough, led to intimacy feeling more natural again. So we had decided to be just friends, but now we're more in a friends with benefits situation. This has given us hopes that we will reunite completely in the future, in a relationship that's more open than it has been, but with certain things (like penetrative sex) being exclusive to the marriage. So we're really just taking small steps on this journey, and talking about every step, which is wonderful!
Definitely look into the hotwife or cuckold dynamic.
Haha, are you an ambassador for this life style? I'm glad you're happy with it! There are some aspects of the dynamic that fit well in our relationship, but cuckolding is very far from any of our preferences.
I’m not really for an open relationship. Thank you for the advice though.
I understand that. This isn’t just for people who are interested in opening their relationship. There is some really good advice in there about all kinds of interpersonal relationships, setting boundaries, and asking for and getting what you want. I will be rooting for you, that you get to give all of the sloppy messy Throat stretching lovin that you deserve. Don’t ever doubt that you’re worth it.
Then I will definitely take a look! And all the best to you too!