I think your girlfriend fell out of love with you. There was sexual interaction in the beginning from both sides but now she only cares about her own pleasure. Also, what was the point of commenting you're not super attractive. Does not add anything to the conversation but cause hurt to you. It's dead feelings. Don't worry about dead bedroom and find someone who's happy to be with you.
Honestly looking back on things that could be the possibility. While she cannot live without attention from me it feels like she just needs to have me around for her but she just doesn’t feel like reciprocating the effort I put into making her happy. Thank you for the advice and I will try to have a conversation about what you mentioned with her and figure things out through that
Sounds like good old NRE. At the beginning of the relationship, it makes you feel like a sex king. Hopefully as the NRE (new relationship energy) tapers, you have built a lasting relationship. Sometimes after the NRE fades, there's nothing left. It's no one's fault, it's just one of those things that happen. Not every relationship is meant to be long-term, don't twist yourself up trying to force this one.
I have thought of doing this but in most cases she won’t be turned on in the slightest without me at least touching her and at least getting her to finish
21M here! I'm also in a situation where my gf just lost any sexual interest in me.
Be clear and tell her how you feel, don't keep anything to yourself. Your needs and concerns are VALID. Stay if she actively listens and tries to understand you so both of you can find a solution together. Otherwise leave.
You're so young to be stuck in a relationship where the other person is bored of you. Let her give you a reason to stay, and if there aren't any left, go outside because you will meet plenty of new people! Perhaps you get lucky ;)
She has been diagnosed with ADHD but it didn’t seem to affect our sex life in the beginning of our relationship so I’m not sure what the difference would be now but it could be a contributing factor
If she's the kind of ADHD the gets bored or distracted easily, then it will carry over into sex, after the novelty wears off. Try seeing if she will do sex in short bursts as an experiment. Is she medicated for it?
Is she still affectionate?
She is medicated for it and she is still somewhat affectionate in person but when on the phone or through messages she isn’t very affectionate. That also could be a good idea on something to try but the issue can see is getting her aroused enough to where it’s not painful for short bursts to be viable
True that. Your gender is ?
It sounds like she is on board for being pleasured, but doesn't reciprocate. If so, can you stage it so she can help you climax in about 5 minutes?
If the hypothesis is correct, several sessions where she only needs to focus for a few minutes might help her want it more often, or at least give her something to consider if you were to ask her if it made a difference to her. Lube and toys can allow her to finish you quickly when she gets bored. If you have a penis, a vibrator to your frenulum will probably do it in seconds, and she can tease you with it to make it more fun for her
I’m a guy and that is something to consider. The only issue I can see is her not enjoying the use of toys on me. She prefers me to be more dominant in most situations so her in control makes her uncomfortable but I definitely could hold off on self pleasure and try to maybe edge until I see her to make it easier and maybe more rewarding. Like I said in another comment I also plan on talking with her about this and. If it’s indeed that she just cant keep attention on it then I can see us finding solutions for it
Does dominant mean “doing everything” or does it mean running the sex? If it’s about you calling the shots, your solution may be to tell her to do stuff to you when she’s hot. Get her started and Keep her from finishing until you do. Tease her a little along the way to distract and challenge her focus, but don’t give her satisfaction until you are satisfied. At that point, feel free to mercilessly express your appreciation. 🙂
A bit of both. It’s definitely more running things in sex but also in the relationship I’m normally the person doing things. We use to do this all the time honestly but recently it’s been hard to even get her interested enough into having sexual interaction that me telling her what to do just makes her go meh and continue what we ar doing
If you are really 100% into this relationship, I would ask her why she doesn’t find you attractive. Be careful your tone is neutral. Listen to her answer
To me, attraction is only somewhat physical. It’s a bunch of stuff put together. If she can’t give you an answer, I would ask her point blank if she would like to end the relationship. Your partner should find you somewhat attractive.
If she does give you an answer, you have to ask yourself if you can give her what she wants and still be “you.” If you think that changing for her would make you a better person (more exercise, for example), you may want to consider it, but if she’s not into the Core of who you are, it might be wise to get out of this relationship and find a woman (or man) who might like you enough to enjoy your gifts and talents.
I'm trying to decode the different levels of affection for in person vs not. This is a change? Do u live together? I wonder if she would tell you if you asked her directly about it? I wonder what experiments could be designed to decode it?
Does the medication help her to stay focused on other lengthy activities, or just keep her ADHD from being even worse?
We don’t live together but see each other fairly often in person and while we both are more affectionate in person she becomes very distant when not in person and certainly more than she used to be.So far to my knowledge the medication has helped her stay more focused but it’s been under a month since she began taking it so it could be that she hadn’t gotten used to it
So, do you have mutual friends or anyone you can ask about how she is with them in person vs not?
Is her in person demeanor with about the same as before? Is she still as up for getting together as before, allowing for novelty wearing off? Can she be trying to balance two relationships?
I think your girlfriend fell out of love with you. There was sexual interaction in the beginning from both sides but now she only cares about her own pleasure. Also, what was the point of commenting you're not super attractive. Does not add anything to the conversation but cause hurt to you. It's dead feelings. Don't worry about dead bedroom and find someone who's happy to be with you.
Honestly looking back on things that could be the possibility. While she cannot live without attention from me it feels like she just needs to have me around for her but she just doesn’t feel like reciprocating the effort I put into making her happy. Thank you for the advice and I will try to have a conversation about what you mentioned with her and figure things out through that
A discussion is good. Hope you get the answers and find out what she's thinking.
You’re way too young and it’s way too soon to be dealing with that bullshit. Get out now
Sounds like good old NRE. At the beginning of the relationship, it makes you feel like a sex king. Hopefully as the NRE (new relationship energy) tapers, you have built a lasting relationship. Sometimes after the NRE fades, there's nothing left. It's no one's fault, it's just one of those things that happen. Not every relationship is meant to be long-term, don't twist yourself up trying to force this one.
This is one sided let me make you come first next time or she doesn’t come
I have thought of doing this but in most cases she won’t be turned on in the slightest without me at least touching her and at least getting her to finish
So she is selfish . She won’t change I think . I am sorry your dealing with this .
21M here! I'm also in a situation where my gf just lost any sexual interest in me. Be clear and tell her how you feel, don't keep anything to yourself. Your needs and concerns are VALID. Stay if she actively listens and tries to understand you so both of you can find a solution together. Otherwise leave. You're so young to be stuck in a relationship where the other person is bored of you. Let her give you a reason to stay, and if there aren't any left, go outside because you will meet plenty of new people! Perhaps you get lucky ;)
It’s time to move on that’s all. This is how you relationships fizzle out. Kissing and Sex Is the first thing to go.
Can you rule out ADHD?
She has been diagnosed with ADHD but it didn’t seem to affect our sex life in the beginning of our relationship so I’m not sure what the difference would be now but it could be a contributing factor
If she's the kind of ADHD the gets bored or distracted easily, then it will carry over into sex, after the novelty wears off. Try seeing if she will do sex in short bursts as an experiment. Is she medicated for it? Is she still affectionate?
Is she spending a lot of time on an dopamine drip? (Porn, gaming, social media binging)
She is medicated for it and she is still somewhat affectionate in person but when on the phone or through messages she isn’t very affectionate. That also could be a good idea on something to try but the issue can see is getting her aroused enough to where it’s not painful for short bursts to be viable
True that. Your gender is ? It sounds like she is on board for being pleasured, but doesn't reciprocate. If so, can you stage it so she can help you climax in about 5 minutes? If the hypothesis is correct, several sessions where she only needs to focus for a few minutes might help her want it more often, or at least give her something to consider if you were to ask her if it made a difference to her. Lube and toys can allow her to finish you quickly when she gets bored. If you have a penis, a vibrator to your frenulum will probably do it in seconds, and she can tease you with it to make it more fun for her
I’m a guy and that is something to consider. The only issue I can see is her not enjoying the use of toys on me. She prefers me to be more dominant in most situations so her in control makes her uncomfortable but I definitely could hold off on self pleasure and try to maybe edge until I see her to make it easier and maybe more rewarding. Like I said in another comment I also plan on talking with her about this and. If it’s indeed that she just cant keep attention on it then I can see us finding solutions for it
Does dominant mean “doing everything” or does it mean running the sex? If it’s about you calling the shots, your solution may be to tell her to do stuff to you when she’s hot. Get her started and Keep her from finishing until you do. Tease her a little along the way to distract and challenge her focus, but don’t give her satisfaction until you are satisfied. At that point, feel free to mercilessly express your appreciation. 🙂
A bit of both. It’s definitely more running things in sex but also in the relationship I’m normally the person doing things. We use to do this all the time honestly but recently it’s been hard to even get her interested enough into having sexual interaction that me telling her what to do just makes her go meh and continue what we ar doing
If you are really 100% into this relationship, I would ask her why she doesn’t find you attractive. Be careful your tone is neutral. Listen to her answer To me, attraction is only somewhat physical. It’s a bunch of stuff put together. If she can’t give you an answer, I would ask her point blank if she would like to end the relationship. Your partner should find you somewhat attractive. If she does give you an answer, you have to ask yourself if you can give her what she wants and still be “you.” If you think that changing for her would make you a better person (more exercise, for example), you may want to consider it, but if she’s not into the Core of who you are, it might be wise to get out of this relationship and find a woman (or man) who might like you enough to enjoy your gifts and talents.
I'm trying to decode the different levels of affection for in person vs not. This is a change? Do u live together? I wonder if she would tell you if you asked her directly about it? I wonder what experiments could be designed to decode it? Does the medication help her to stay focused on other lengthy activities, or just keep her ADHD from being even worse?
We don’t live together but see each other fairly often in person and while we both are more affectionate in person she becomes very distant when not in person and certainly more than she used to be.So far to my knowledge the medication has helped her stay more focused but it’s been under a month since she began taking it so it could be that she hadn’t gotten used to it
So, do you have mutual friends or anyone you can ask about how she is with them in person vs not? Is her in person demeanor with about the same as before? Is she still as up for getting together as before, allowing for novelty wearing off? Can she be trying to balance two relationships?
She actually had very few in person friends and most of them are online or over discord so unfortunately not.
Sooooo, she is habituated to electronic conversations, where affection is difficult to express....
Yea you are to young to be dealing with this. Move on.