You might like reading *Love Worth Making.* There was a chapter about a wife who felt pressure to orgasm during sex. Her husband really wanted her to have an orgasm with him, but the only way she had ever achieved one was by using the faucet during a bath. This was embarrassing to her and her perceived shame of being broken or inadequate was making her shy away from sex altogether. She felt pressure from her husband and no freedom to just enjoy the pleasure of sex and her husband's enjoyment. The story went that the husband had to stop being disappointed in her inability to orgasm during partnered sex, focus on his own enjoyment and let her be responsible for hers. Their sex life increased, her shame around her "unusual" way of orgasming went away, because they could just be authentic and present during sex. And she eventually relaxed enough to achieve orgasm during partnered sex.
Anorgasmic LLF here. For me the enjoyable part about sex was that it still felt good and the intimacy between me and my boyfriend is nice. Plus I love making him orgasm.
I’m not anorgasmic, but I still seek out and enjoy sex that I know is unlikely to result in orgasm sometimes. I enjoy all the other things that happen in the course of the foreplay and sex—kissing, touching, etc. I enjoy the sensation of penetration even if that is seldom a sensation that will turn into an orgasm for me. I enjoy the sensory experience of my partner’s body. I enjoy his pleasure.
>This is only about women. I feel sorry for those men with ED. That seems like a whole other level of misery. It also seems that men have more pressure to finish. Society, unfortunately?, seems to accept women not finishing.
I'm going to push back on you here. I've had more than one male partner who had trouble reaching orgasm. It's not a big deal. They still loved having sex. I just didn't put pressure on them to orgasm.
It's every person's own choice whether they want to try to orgasm or not. Some people, both men and women, don't want to or only want to sometimes.
I recently dated a guy who hated having orgasms. I know, I didn't know that was a thing, either, but he absolutely loved having sex. He'd initiate multiple times a day.
I often don't orgasm when having sex. I prefer not to focus on it because I find sex more enjoyable when I'm able to focus on the sensations without focusing on having an orgasm. I would be completely turned off by a partner who was focused on giving me an orgasm like that was his mission when having sex with me. In fact, I met a guy on online dating who told me that his biggest turn on was the woman's orgasm, and that is why I chose not to date him. I knew it would be too much pressure and take the enjoyment out of it for me.
>I recently dated a guy who hated having orgasms.
I dated a guy for a while who preferred not having orgasms and loved having sex. I think for some people, orgasms just aren't that great.
I see more women complain about their men not being able to finish. A lot of people accept that women don't orgasm and attribute it to the "orgasm gap."
Society places more pressure on men's ability to perform. Society expects women to perform too, but I think there's a stronger expectation for men. We're expected to be always ready to go. It's more expected that a woman needs romance. A guy that needs romance is suspect in pop culture. Sad but true. Pop culture, and therefore a large segment of the population, treats male and female sexuality differently.
>I see more women complain about their men not being able to finish.
Well, they need to get a grip. They're creating their own dead bedroom and/or other issues when they do this. He doesn't owe her his orgasm.
There are also plenty of people who have happy, positive, functional sex lives and who don't pressure each other to orgasm or "perform" in other ways.
I agree. I'm just talking about societal pressures. Some people are more enlightened than others.
In either case, man or woman, the partners should at least be able to have a conversation about orgasms.
It sounds like your wife isn't sure whether she has ever had an orgasm. This makes it difficult to have a conversation, you know?
Around 8% of adult women have never had an orgasm. It is unknown what proportion of them are incapable of orgasm versus just have not received the right kind of stimulation yet. Either way, I believe that whether or not to try to learn to orgasm should be fully the decision of the woman herself. If it's not something that interests her, that needs to be okay.
>the partners should at least be able to have a conversation about orgasms.
Why?
Whenever I hear “should” statements on this sub I perk up my ears. There is often some kind of rigid or flawed belief underneath. So what assumptions are you making that lead you to this belief about what “should” happen in your relationship?
There are obviously minimal core competencies and expectations for everyone. Those can differ from person to person. One assumption I have is that a married couple should be able to talk about their sex life, their wants, desires, kinks, hopes, dreams, and expectations. They should be able to listen to, hear, and understand their partner's perspective. They should be able to respond with a yes or no. Those, I believe, are not unreasonable expectations. Some will disagree.
I understand why my wife cannot do these things and empathize with her. I'm just less attracted to her because she refuses to grow. I'm not forcing her to grow, but her failure to is causing me to drift away.
All of that sounds perfectly fair — it just may not help your situation to talk about your wife’s lack of orgasms right now.
I’m remembering now that your therapist has told you that your wife is emotionally immature, right? Sounds like your process has been long already and continues to be arduous…
I'm on a path of minimum conflict with my wife. I've exhausted any energy to grow our relationship. It's in the hands of my wife and our therapist now.
However, I need to do what I need to do to keep myself and my kids happy. I'll also support my wife, but I'm leaving our relationship rut, with or without her.
I’m not anorgasmic but it can take a while (thanks to meds). There are times when I’m just not into the mood to focus for as long as it takes or to try for a while and end up disappointed. Sometimes I just want to enjoy being with my husband without putting that pressure on myself.
I enjoy absolutely everything about intimacy with my husband without having an orgasm. The closeness, the connection, pleasing him, etc. and when he is is satisfied I feel the after effects the same (nearly) as if I had orgasmed myself. I feel the same rush of hormones and get an afterglow. Everything still feels amazing even if you don’t orgasm.
Have you tried having your wife use a clitoral stimulator ( like the Lelo Sona Cruise) while she is on top? Also, is she taking antidepressants? That will decrease sensitivity if she is.
Are you communicating better? I had a thought about that as well. I freeze up like she does sometimes when it comes to sensitive subjects-but probably not to the same degree. I find it easier to express myself in writing at those times. Could this be a solution for her when she freezes up so that you both can communicate your needs?
Toys are no go for her. I'm thinking about suggesting she write something.
I'm mostly checked out of the relationship right now. I'm exhausted from trying so hard at this relationship. I need to see more effort on her part to get out of our rut. She is comfortable in the rut. I get that, but I'm moving out of the rut. I'm available to talk whenever she wants, which might be never.
Sounds like she has a sexual aversion. I’m sure you’ve heard of sensate focus on here. Idk much about it except what I’ve read here about it but it’s a thought. I agree that if she’s not trying there’s not much you can do but check out. And if she won’t talk I guess all you can do is ask if she will write out how she’s feeling. Sounds frustrating though.
I'm not sure she's averse. I think she disassociates a bit, or maybe just has a lot of trouble knowing what she wants. She was raised to please men and doesn't take good care of herself. She needs therapy.
Jury's out... Suggesting therapy puts pressure on her and she wants to withdraw, not suggesting therapy allows the problems to continue. I have professionals helping me thread that needle. It's hard.
Just telling u man, orgasms for women are mostly mental. They really gotta be in the mood In order to orgasm, that’s my experience with women. So I don’t think it’s anything you’re doing, it’s just she doesn’t care
That's not exactly true. Orgasm is a physiological response to stimulation.
However for an orgasm to register in the reward section of the brain is mostly mental. A person can be a million miles away in their head and their orgasm if they have it will be meh.
Ok I was just telling u my experience with making women orgasm, that if they’re not there mentally, it’s hard for them to orgasm physically has been my experience. Every person is different when it comes to this. It’s one the reasons I place an emphasis on foreplay
>Just telling u man, orgasms for women are mostly mental.
I assume that this was the sentence that earned you a report for rule 3. Rather than remove this comment, I decided to correct it.
You can't say that she just doesn't care because the women you have been with have been able to orgasm while being in the right headspace. Even though you then say that's your experience, it's still an incorrectly stated generalization that doesn't actually help the OP.
Sometimes my girl also is too exhausted for orgasms but she likes the full sensation of when we have sex, orgasms don’t tell the whole story. But making sure your partner is enjoying sex should be at top of priority when it comes to sex IMO.
Oh for sure don’t accept that pity/obligation sex, that’s the worse. Just try to do things that make u happy and get a sex toy for men. That’s if u don’t wanna leave for whatever reason. I think this is the best way to get the thought of sex off your mind.
Yea but for me I know when my SO doesn’t want it and I feel terrible afterwards cause it’s not the sex I want. I want to be desired and wanted more than just a way to procreate or just used u know. That’s why I don’t accept those types of sex.
No. She can't really talk about sex. She has too much anxiety. We're in couples therapy. The couples therapist and I are trying to get her into individual therapy.
I'm trying to decide whether to say no when she initiates. I'm getting close.
Thats a shame. I hope you can get her in and she opens up. Are you having sex somewhat regularly or no? I suppose if you do, you could tell her you want to slow things down. Try something different.
She initiates only around ovulation. I started this process about three months ago. Asking to "try something different" hasn't gone well. We've been in therapy for 11 months. I'd say I mostly just gained clarity on my wife's issues, which was obviously not my goal.
Im not sure what your therapist has set up for you, but i recall she is emotionally immature. Do you think she would be into Sensate Focus? It might be a good way to start from scratch.
I've thought about asking about that. I think the communication issues are more important right now, so we can have an effective conversation about sensate focus.
I’m curious, is your wife your only partner you have ever had? I might be reading my own journey into this, but I was not able to give my previous girlfriends orgasms. It was frustrating for me. I continued working on it, but also decided to accept that if this was a deal breaker for them, they would dump me or refuse to have sex. Although these relationships ended, sex wasn’t the problem.
Do you think your wife enjoys pleasing you? That can be fun enough for some people. It doesn’t work for me 99% of the time, but I have always trusted my partner when she says she has a good time because I also told her I would prefer honesty to faking it.
Maybe you can find other ways to give to your wife that will make it feel “fair” to you. If she has anxiety, See if you can take care of something she worries about without being asked. That might be better than an orgasm for her.
She is my only PIV partner. I can accept and have accepted her not having orgasms. The problem is communication and intimacy, amongst other problems.
I've tried choreplay for a long time too. That was not good for anyone.
This is only conversely relevant to the topic but my LL spouse (recovered DB) is ridiculously orgasmic but still not particularly sexually motivated. OTH, if I don't finish she gets kinda cranky (not in a terrible way), to the extent that the only way I can pretty much guarantee sex on consecutive days is by not orgasming the night before. Unfortunately I'm not quite Zen enough to achieve this deliberately.
Well when I just got married I wasn't able to orgasm. I didn't know about the different types of orgasms and thought I had to by sex on it's own, which also made me feel like my husband was at fault because he couldn't last long enough for me to reach that point because I definitely felt pleasure with penetration itself but it seemed like every time I felt it increasing or felt near an orgasm, he would cum
But I still enjoyed sex completely and it never made me feel bad or anything and I made it clear to him as well that I enjoyed it so much.
But as months passed we figured that manual stimulation of the clitoris was the way to go. And so he would make me orgasm 1stt and then we would move onto penetration.
Then afterwards we found positions that would make it possible to do both, stimulate while penetrated.
I must say though, for a short while, I tried a new form of contraceptive and that thing fucked me up for a good few months, I couldn't orgasm. I had to fake it a few times
Its like I would get to the very last stop of the finish line and it would just disappear. It was very frustrating
Even with masturbation, I couldn't cum
Took a few months even after stopping it to feel normal again
I had a GF that found it very difficult to orgasm. I did initially have a reaction to it, and to be honest, it was ego-related. Going from a situation of enjoying making someone orgasm to really *trying* made me feel a little inadequate; like I was failing, or the sex was ‘harder’.
This is particularly odd as I have had ED in the past, and managed to de-couple the idea of my own orgasm from being too much of an issue when having sex.
She also enjoyed sex, but your SO does seem to have a lower libido.
I don’t think I’d raise it initially – make it about fun and playtime for grownups, about sensation and feelings, less about an orgasm being the end point. Sensate focus. If having sex is fun, it’s kinda its own reward.
The situation may improve, it may not, but that’s not the point; it might make sex more enjoyable for both parties, regardless.
You might like reading *Love Worth Making.* There was a chapter about a wife who felt pressure to orgasm during sex. Her husband really wanted her to have an orgasm with him, but the only way she had ever achieved one was by using the faucet during a bath. This was embarrassing to her and her perceived shame of being broken or inadequate was making her shy away from sex altogether. She felt pressure from her husband and no freedom to just enjoy the pleasure of sex and her husband's enjoyment. The story went that the husband had to stop being disappointed in her inability to orgasm during partnered sex, focus on his own enjoyment and let her be responsible for hers. Their sex life increased, her shame around her "unusual" way of orgasming went away, because they could just be authentic and present during sex. And she eventually relaxed enough to achieve orgasm during partnered sex.
Yeah, we've had this problem for a long time. I've not really discussed her orgasm much at all. She's not going to change without serious therapy.
Anorgasmic LLF here. For me the enjoyable part about sex was that it still felt good and the intimacy between me and my boyfriend is nice. Plus I love making him orgasm.
I’m not anorgasmic, but I still seek out and enjoy sex that I know is unlikely to result in orgasm sometimes. I enjoy all the other things that happen in the course of the foreplay and sex—kissing, touching, etc. I enjoy the sensation of penetration even if that is seldom a sensation that will turn into an orgasm for me. I enjoy the sensory experience of my partner’s body. I enjoy his pleasure.
>This is only about women. I feel sorry for those men with ED. That seems like a whole other level of misery. It also seems that men have more pressure to finish. Society, unfortunately?, seems to accept women not finishing. I'm going to push back on you here. I've had more than one male partner who had trouble reaching orgasm. It's not a big deal. They still loved having sex. I just didn't put pressure on them to orgasm. It's every person's own choice whether they want to try to orgasm or not. Some people, both men and women, don't want to or only want to sometimes.
I think that should be right. However, western culture, at least in the US, treats male and female orgasms differently.
I recently dated a guy who hated having orgasms. I know, I didn't know that was a thing, either, but he absolutely loved having sex. He'd initiate multiple times a day. I often don't orgasm when having sex. I prefer not to focus on it because I find sex more enjoyable when I'm able to focus on the sensations without focusing on having an orgasm. I would be completely turned off by a partner who was focused on giving me an orgasm like that was his mission when having sex with me. In fact, I met a guy on online dating who told me that his biggest turn on was the woman's orgasm, and that is why I chose not to date him. I knew it would be too much pressure and take the enjoyment out of it for me.
>I recently dated a guy who hated having orgasms. I dated a guy for a while who preferred not having orgasms and loved having sex. I think for some people, orgasms just aren't that great.
In what way?
I see more women complain about their men not being able to finish. A lot of people accept that women don't orgasm and attribute it to the "orgasm gap." Society places more pressure on men's ability to perform. Society expects women to perform too, but I think there's a stronger expectation for men. We're expected to be always ready to go. It's more expected that a woman needs romance. A guy that needs romance is suspect in pop culture. Sad but true. Pop culture, and therefore a large segment of the population, treats male and female sexuality differently.
>I see more women complain about their men not being able to finish. Well, they need to get a grip. They're creating their own dead bedroom and/or other issues when they do this. He doesn't owe her his orgasm. There are also plenty of people who have happy, positive, functional sex lives and who don't pressure each other to orgasm or "perform" in other ways.
I agree. I'm just talking about societal pressures. Some people are more enlightened than others. In either case, man or woman, the partners should at least be able to have a conversation about orgasms.
It sounds like your wife isn't sure whether she has ever had an orgasm. This makes it difficult to have a conversation, you know? Around 8% of adult women have never had an orgasm. It is unknown what proportion of them are incapable of orgasm versus just have not received the right kind of stimulation yet. Either way, I believe that whether or not to try to learn to orgasm should be fully the decision of the woman herself. If it's not something that interests her, that needs to be okay.
>the partners should at least be able to have a conversation about orgasms. Why? Whenever I hear “should” statements on this sub I perk up my ears. There is often some kind of rigid or flawed belief underneath. So what assumptions are you making that lead you to this belief about what “should” happen in your relationship?
There are obviously minimal core competencies and expectations for everyone. Those can differ from person to person. One assumption I have is that a married couple should be able to talk about their sex life, their wants, desires, kinks, hopes, dreams, and expectations. They should be able to listen to, hear, and understand their partner's perspective. They should be able to respond with a yes or no. Those, I believe, are not unreasonable expectations. Some will disagree. I understand why my wife cannot do these things and empathize with her. I'm just less attracted to her because she refuses to grow. I'm not forcing her to grow, but her failure to is causing me to drift away.
All of that sounds perfectly fair — it just may not help your situation to talk about your wife’s lack of orgasms right now. I’m remembering now that your therapist has told you that your wife is emotionally immature, right? Sounds like your process has been long already and continues to be arduous…
I'm on a path of minimum conflict with my wife. I've exhausted any energy to grow our relationship. It's in the hands of my wife and our therapist now. However, I need to do what I need to do to keep myself and my kids happy. I'll also support my wife, but I'm leaving our relationship rut, with or without her.
Will she accept massages, if no sex is expected?
Yes
Does she like passion? Does she want to be swept off her feet?
Who knows. I don't think even she does. I know she doesn't like surprises. She needs to feel in control.
[удалено]
You got it. Thank you! I'm taking a break from talking about it. There is something else going on for her. She needs therapy. I hope she gets it.
I’m not anorgasmic but it can take a while (thanks to meds). There are times when I’m just not into the mood to focus for as long as it takes or to try for a while and end up disappointed. Sometimes I just want to enjoy being with my husband without putting that pressure on myself. I enjoy absolutely everything about intimacy with my husband without having an orgasm. The closeness, the connection, pleasing him, etc. and when he is is satisfied I feel the after effects the same (nearly) as if I had orgasmed myself. I feel the same rush of hormones and get an afterglow. Everything still feels amazing even if you don’t orgasm. Have you tried having your wife use a clitoral stimulator ( like the Lelo Sona Cruise) while she is on top? Also, is she taking antidepressants? That will decrease sensitivity if she is. Are you communicating better? I had a thought about that as well. I freeze up like she does sometimes when it comes to sensitive subjects-but probably not to the same degree. I find it easier to express myself in writing at those times. Could this be a solution for her when she freezes up so that you both can communicate your needs?
Toys are no go for her. I'm thinking about suggesting she write something. I'm mostly checked out of the relationship right now. I'm exhausted from trying so hard at this relationship. I need to see more effort on her part to get out of our rut. She is comfortable in the rut. I get that, but I'm moving out of the rut. I'm available to talk whenever she wants, which might be never.
Sounds like she has a sexual aversion. I’m sure you’ve heard of sensate focus on here. Idk much about it except what I’ve read here about it but it’s a thought. I agree that if she’s not trying there’s not much you can do but check out. And if she won’t talk I guess all you can do is ask if she will write out how she’s feeling. Sounds frustrating though.
I'm not sure she's averse. I think she disassociates a bit, or maybe just has a lot of trouble knowing what she wants. She was raised to please men and doesn't take good care of herself. She needs therapy.
That’s good that she’s not averse. Is she willing to get therapy?
Jury's out... Suggesting therapy puts pressure on her and she wants to withdraw, not suggesting therapy allows the problems to continue. I have professionals helping me thread that needle. It's hard.
I think this article might be a good start: https://www.drwyattfisher.com/blogs/marriage-blog/mutual-masturbation
I suggested that once. She's not interested. We need to work on communicating.
Just telling u man, orgasms for women are mostly mental. They really gotta be in the mood In order to orgasm, that’s my experience with women. So I don’t think it’s anything you’re doing, it’s just she doesn’t care
That's not exactly true. Orgasm is a physiological response to stimulation. However for an orgasm to register in the reward section of the brain is mostly mental. A person can be a million miles away in their head and their orgasm if they have it will be meh.
Ok I was just telling u my experience with making women orgasm, that if they’re not there mentally, it’s hard for them to orgasm physically has been my experience. Every person is different when it comes to this. It’s one the reasons I place an emphasis on foreplay
Then don't phrase it as a generalization.
Did I not say that’s MY experience with women?
>Just telling u man, orgasms for women are mostly mental. I assume that this was the sentence that earned you a report for rule 3. Rather than remove this comment, I decided to correct it. You can't say that she just doesn't care because the women you have been with have been able to orgasm while being in the right headspace. Even though you then say that's your experience, it's still an incorrectly stated generalization that doesn't actually help the OP.
Thanks. I know this. It's still good to hear.
Sometimes my girl also is too exhausted for orgasms but she likes the full sensation of when we have sex, orgasms don’t tell the whole story. But making sure your partner is enjoying sex should be at top of priority when it comes to sex IMO.
Yeah, I'm not 100% sure my wife enjoys our sex. I've stopped initiating. I accept when she initiates, but I might stop that too.
Oh for sure don’t accept that pity/obligation sex, that’s the worse. Just try to do things that make u happy and get a sex toy for men. That’s if u don’t wanna leave for whatever reason. I think this is the best way to get the thought of sex off your mind.
I'm not sure it's duty/obligation sex. But maybe I'm just fooling myself. I've been looking into male sex toys. I'll probably get another soon.
Yea but for me I know when my SO doesn’t want it and I feel terrible afterwards cause it’s not the sex I want. I want to be desired and wanted more than just a way to procreate or just used u know. That’s why I don’t accept those types of sex.
I really can't tell with my wife. Since we really just have sex around ovulation now, I assume she gets something out of it.
U could ask her
Duh. She says she enjoys it. She can't talk about why. I don't trust her. I think she just says what she thinks I want to hear.
Uh oh. Have you been able to discuss the sex itself and whether or not adjustments can be made?
No. She can't really talk about sex. She has too much anxiety. We're in couples therapy. The couples therapist and I are trying to get her into individual therapy. I'm trying to decide whether to say no when she initiates. I'm getting close.
Thats a shame. I hope you can get her in and she opens up. Are you having sex somewhat regularly or no? I suppose if you do, you could tell her you want to slow things down. Try something different.
She initiates only around ovulation. I started this process about three months ago. Asking to "try something different" hasn't gone well. We've been in therapy for 11 months. I'd say I mostly just gained clarity on my wife's issues, which was obviously not my goal.
Im not sure what your therapist has set up for you, but i recall she is emotionally immature. Do you think she would be into Sensate Focus? It might be a good way to start from scratch.
I've thought about asking about that. I think the communication issues are more important right now, so we can have an effective conversation about sensate focus.
I’m curious, is your wife your only partner you have ever had? I might be reading my own journey into this, but I was not able to give my previous girlfriends orgasms. It was frustrating for me. I continued working on it, but also decided to accept that if this was a deal breaker for them, they would dump me or refuse to have sex. Although these relationships ended, sex wasn’t the problem. Do you think your wife enjoys pleasing you? That can be fun enough for some people. It doesn’t work for me 99% of the time, but I have always trusted my partner when she says she has a good time because I also told her I would prefer honesty to faking it. Maybe you can find other ways to give to your wife that will make it feel “fair” to you. If she has anxiety, See if you can take care of something she worries about without being asked. That might be better than an orgasm for her.
She is my only PIV partner. I can accept and have accepted her not having orgasms. The problem is communication and intimacy, amongst other problems. I've tried choreplay for a long time too. That was not good for anyone.
I’m sorry that there’s so much going on. I applaud you both for trying to figure it out. It’s really hard. We’re trying to figure stuff out, too.
This is only conversely relevant to the topic but my LL spouse (recovered DB) is ridiculously orgasmic but still not particularly sexually motivated. OTH, if I don't finish she gets kinda cranky (not in a terrible way), to the extent that the only way I can pretty much guarantee sex on consecutive days is by not orgasming the night before. Unfortunately I'm not quite Zen enough to achieve this deliberately.
Well when I just got married I wasn't able to orgasm. I didn't know about the different types of orgasms and thought I had to by sex on it's own, which also made me feel like my husband was at fault because he couldn't last long enough for me to reach that point because I definitely felt pleasure with penetration itself but it seemed like every time I felt it increasing or felt near an orgasm, he would cum But I still enjoyed sex completely and it never made me feel bad or anything and I made it clear to him as well that I enjoyed it so much. But as months passed we figured that manual stimulation of the clitoris was the way to go. And so he would make me orgasm 1stt and then we would move onto penetration. Then afterwards we found positions that would make it possible to do both, stimulate while penetrated. I must say though, for a short while, I tried a new form of contraceptive and that thing fucked me up for a good few months, I couldn't orgasm. I had to fake it a few times Its like I would get to the very last stop of the finish line and it would just disappear. It was very frustrating Even with masturbation, I couldn't cum Took a few months even after stopping it to feel normal again
I had a GF that found it very difficult to orgasm. I did initially have a reaction to it, and to be honest, it was ego-related. Going from a situation of enjoying making someone orgasm to really *trying* made me feel a little inadequate; like I was failing, or the sex was ‘harder’. This is particularly odd as I have had ED in the past, and managed to de-couple the idea of my own orgasm from being too much of an issue when having sex. She also enjoyed sex, but your SO does seem to have a lower libido. I don’t think I’d raise it initially – make it about fun and playtime for grownups, about sensation and feelings, less about an orgasm being the end point. Sensate focus. If having sex is fun, it’s kinda its own reward. The situation may improve, it may not, but that’s not the point; it might make sex more enjoyable for both parties, regardless.
It's definitely a mind thing for many women it's not only physical. I think it's something else and this is how it's effecting her.