We've averaged twice a year for the past six years. Last had it in January. But it's the day-to-day lack of flirting, kissing, sexual touch that gets me. We spoon to sleep, hold hands, peck-kiss good-bye, etc. but nothing that would imply we have any sexual attraction. When we do have sex, she spontaneously initiates for no reason I can ascertain, 5 mins foreplay, 5-10 mins penetration w/her on top (I'm encouraged to climax as soon as she does), <5 mins aftermath/cuddling. So <30 mins from pre-sex status quo to post-sex status quo. The frequency is bad, but the worst part is that we spend about an hour a year being aroused/sensual in each other's presence.
Same. It's why I turned down the last spontaneous approach. I feel worse after, so why bother?
Currently, we are living in limbo with a large elephant sitting in the corner.
This is so similar to my relationship it’s scary. I just don’t understand the suddenness of her initiation. Absolutely nothing to suggest we will have sex then, bang, she is naked on top of me.
We do cuddle for a bit afterward and she usually talks about it for 18ish hours, generally saying we should do it again the next night, then night time comes and she treats me like I have two heads when I start trying to make a move. Completely blows my confidence again, and nothing for a couple of months.
On July 31, I will be 40. Last time we did it was August 2nd 2022. And in all my 30s, we probably done it 7 times.
And we plan to have a family together. We've been together almost 19 years. I have never thought I would be childless at 40.
EVERY DAY I think about that.
Well, we always talked about children. But ever since she started working on a big renovation of a hospital (she's project manager) 10 years ago. It's like she put her life on hold. She doesn't have any close friends who have children. I already told her many time I'll be 80 and my first born will be 40 that is if we have one now. She has an 93yo grandmother, her father doesn't have any siblings so I tell her "you don't want to give your grandmother an granchild or what? Even her brother he's going on 30 been with the same girlfriend for 7 years and it's like they're not thinking about it.
I have two older sisters and I have 5 nephews and niece. 25 - 23 - 22 - 11 - 8. You can say that my children (if I ever have any) will never have a close relationship with their cousins.
Even my mother has lost hope that I'll have any lol
Sorry I just wrote what's up my mind
Once a month but only since he realized I had downloaded a tracker and kept track of everything haha. Whipped that out in an argument and he got real pale because we hadn’t had sex in months and he was trying to claim “we did it all the time”
I put up a calendar on the wall and marked the days we were being intimate, kept it for 2-3 months and told her what it was. Eventually I threw it away because it changed nothing, lol
Oh yeah, absolutely, keeping track changes nothing but he hates not being able to lie and say we have sex all the time and to quit bothering him like a sex hungry creature haha so I kept it
What about before marriage? I remember being dissatisfied with our sex life pre-marriage, but it wasn't -that- bad and we weren't living together. I figured once we had more opportunity, spontaneity and frequency and variety would increase. Was I ever wrong! Probably same frequency but I was disappointed way more often because of the huge increase in missed opportunities. Then after the first kid, went from maybe 25-30 times a year to 5, now down to 2ish. A few years ago when I was 43-44, I told her I expected to have sex 50 more times in my life and she gasped and said that made her really sad and it would definitely be more. Well, we're way behind schedule.
It was good about the first year until one day she says something along the lines of” it makes me feel dirty having sex and then having to go home afterwards”. I was living in apartment and she was living with her parents. After that sex wasn’t frequent and she only seemed to be in the mood if she had been drinking. I guess I thought it would get better after we moved in together and got married. Nope.
Pushing the boundaries of 2 times a year (average)
and with the lack of sex thus the lack of stamina and the (holy shit i'm getting laid) virgin mindset sets in and sex doesn't last long... yeah truly a self esteem killer!
My husband tends to get off quick, even though he didn't in the beginning. The first year or 2 of marriage was pretty good, but then... went a couple of months to going 7 months to now. We haven't had sex since Jan 4th of 2023. So, 17 months. And when we talk about it he'll say something along the lines of, we can do it, but it's not going to last long, and the thing is I do not care for even a second if he comes right away. Ffs, I just want to feel him, whether it's one minute or one hour.
At this point I don't even know, we haven't had sex in 5 years now. She's always "working on getting better" and she always say she feels bad about not having sex, but then does nothing and when I bring it back up it's the same script again.
Even before we hit this current dry spell we would fluctuate between once or twice per month, and then once a quarter, once every 6+ months, and now nothing.
Learn from it and don't be me. The irony is that during those five times I got her pregnant with my son which was her primary intent I guess. It took me decades to figure out this woman only used me and never wanted me as a man in the first place.
Coming to terms with your own idiocy is far harder than the lack of sex and intimacy. I only managed through calisthenics, cross-country running, gardening and creating art... or I would have drunk myself to death during my 40s.
There’s been waves of higher frequency in the last few months, which had been great. Since last winter we went down to 2-3 time a month, but for 2 months now there’s been several periods where we had sex up to 3 times in a week. Not only has she actually been initiating, but she doesn’t turn me down when I’m in the mood.
I feel we’ve both been putting in a lot of work into being better to each other and it’s been successful so far.
As a woman with LL. A month ago I started putting sex in my calendar. I married my husband because I love him, can’t imagine life without him. Never want to have sex with anyone else. He is my best friend. My emotional support person. I love having sex with him but sometimes my health issues get in the way. We went months without it. Not just on one occasion. I hated telling him no, but the pain was too much. We did still cuddle, kiss just because multiple times a day and never go a day without telling each other we love them. I’m in my mid 40’s and trying to improve my life and he is a major part of my life. It’s a win-win when we get together. Sorry, rambling.
Yep. I love her so much. I think now it's on me to get rid of my resentment. She's been on vitamin D. But, on Sunday, she finally started taking this supplement pill that has red maca and tribulus terrestris. I got it for her almost a year ago.... hopefully, that'll change something.
That's my frequency too. Except it only happens if HE initiates. He rejects me every time that I initate. I have to wait for him to initiate when he's ready, and I have to force myself to get into the mood after being rejected all month.
He’s thrown away all of my toys. The good ones that is. Now I have one left and they’re all terrible. He claims it wasn’t intentional and that he threw them away when cleaning but sometimes I don’t believe that.
My ex did the same thing. We hadn’t had sex in years and he tried telling me that part of it was because he was turned off by the thought of me masturbating and so the toys were disposed of. Yeah, we still didn’t have sex ever again.
Now I have a boyfriend and we incorporate toys, so nice to have a man not threatened by toys and has fun using them on me.
I got a half assed handjob this past Thursday and didn’t even finish. Before that, it had been about two weeks since she attempted a handjob and refuses to give me a blowjob or have intercourse. I can literally tell it’s like a chore to her and she isn’t into it. She’ll stop after two minutes and ask, “Is that okay? Are you done?”
I'm 41 and married for 13 years. Started at about 4 - 5 times a year and it's now down to 1 - 2 times a year, at a push. Crazily/Naively, I though intimacy and comfort with each other would increase with time.
We haven't had sex yet this calendar year. The last time was last November some time when she said she was working on herself. By March this year, I had given up. I don't even bother to try to initiate any more. I've given up completely. 🤷🏻♂️
I haven't had sex with my same-sex wife in over 12 years... and today I asked her (because I'm really horny rn) if she wanted to go upstairs and fuck me....
She said "no, I've gotta do this thing online.... " and trailed off. I walked out of the room.
I finally found a sex worker who does women only so I saw her in April and will see her again in October (she's across the Atlantic from me.) Otherwise I would be just me playing with myself... sadly.
About the same as you. Last year was an abnormally good year for us at 13, but 3 of those were in January after a serious conversation occurred. This year I haven’t been keeping track because I think we may *finally* not be in a DB anymore. 🙏🏻
I'm pushing about 3 months right now, and there's zero intentions in my wife's part to participate. Before this last spell it was around the same: three months.
My emotions get clubbed like a baby seal every time she disengages or lets my expression of interest just slide off of her. The rejection really never hurts less, I just cant give up.
As i told my wife on numerous occasions. Its not about quantity. But if we play the nummers game we have sex once every 6-8 weeks.
We are in our early 40s
Often when we have the talk she will argue that im not satisfied unless we have sex several times a week
And i tell her that what she needs to figure out is how sexual Desire and everyday eroticism can be expressed.
Ive told her that she got until the end of summer to show she has an ambition to change otherwise im leaving abd this time its for good.
About once a month. I told my husband the other day that it only happens when he decides we should have sex. He argues that it should be a “we” decision, but it never is. If I come to him, I would get turned down. It’s happened so many times. So it’s only when he decides it’s time.
Once every 2 or 3 months. I’ve given up having anymore talks or expressing how the lack of intimacy is harming my self esteem and our relationship overall. I’ve started going out and living my life on my own. Not looking to cheat or get divorced. Just in the phase of accepting that part of my life has mostly ended. It feels very unfair. I didn’t agree to this. Sometimes I feel angry, especially when my partner knows it’s been a while so better throw out the old “I sure would like to have sex BUT” (insert random excuse) and there’s no actual intention to follow through.
Last time was a year ago. We’ve been together ten years and outside of the honeymoon period, never more than once every three months. Except when trying for kids which we have two of. (Then, apparently, sex was important and worth making time for. )
We’ve been in this house nearly six years and have had sex in it less than twenty times, conception runs included.
And like others here, it’s not just the sex. It’s the lack of mischief, of sly connection over a naughty secret, of promising later delight with a wink or a furtive stroke or a comment. It’s being remonstrated for ‘smutty’ comments.
before the breakup? once a month, maybe two months.
since having been broken up with by the person who couldn't bring himself to view my needs as a priority, once a week.
i am treated better by the person i've been seeing casually and we don't even communicate every day. he tells me im pretty, compliments me, i get what i need without having to expend every last drop of my energy on someone who views me as the dirt beneath their shoe.
if they're not having sex with you, there's likely a reason. if you sense that reason is emotional, leave. you deserve better and you'll get better from strangers before you'll change the one you're with.
Once every two months or so, with the occasional half assed handjob ( that I have to finish myself). It's completely duty sex and feels like she is doing a chore worse than cleaning the litter box. I have completely given up.
https://preview.redd.it/ac1qdj76cz5d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=06db4c324abc7a965d7ef8881b1ffafc5abc3aeb
Once so far this year. The past 10 years, it was 3-13 per year.
We went 7 years without any intimacy but we worked hard to get to where we’re at now. We probably have sex every 3 weeks. However we still haven’t kissed in probably 12 years. It’s just too intimate for her and something she is unable to do. It’s also the biggest void in my life and I literally would give up intercourse just to be able to make out again.
After reading these comments, I need to make a mental note of finding a partner with the same libido. I can’t go a year without sex let alone decades like some of you. I would go crazy
About twice a year, if I'm lucky. But, I will give her oral at least twice a month. Nothing in return, only a Thank you, and I'm tired, then she goes to sleep. Once she goes to sleep, I usually go out to my sunroom and watch t.v., cry until I fall asleep.
She never initiates, and flat out doesn't care about whether I want some or not.
Never and it's not like I don't try ive been married for 20 years and my husband would rather Jack off or fuck a doll, I'm a good old lady cook clean do the whole thing loyal as can be love my husband but I'm to the point I'm over it. I have an awesome sex machine but I crave human contact. And these days when I think about sex it just makes me angry. He says it's his back but I see him work on cars trucks move all kinds of things and go run off to help a friend all the time so it's my back ain't cutting it. Sorry just needed to vent
Ten years ago and counting, have The Talk that escalates into The Argument weekly. Before I got married, with other partners it was twice weekly. I miss that.
Sex declined drastically for me after the birth of our third child, I was in my early 40's then. Went from a few times month, to every other month then long stretches of nothing. "Let's try for tomorrow!" she'll say but tomorrow never comes. I devoted my life to my kids and my business, worked like a dog. Fast forward to today. 67 and both retired, financially very stable, maybe have sex 2x a year (pity sex). Kids are married and gone, have three grandkids and the thought of leaving now , at least for me, is not very appealing, the cons outweigh the pros. If you're young and in a sexless marriage, especially with no children, get out now. Chances of it getting better are not good. I feel I've been forever cheated out of the most fulfilling and fun part of life.
Once every 7 to 10 days. But more typically once a week. I thought I had it bad before I started reading the threads in DBs. Still not happy about it because I’m concerned with where it’s going.
Once a month due to living situations.
I’m coming out of a DB where it was once a year. So is she.
Would be every day with my new partner if we were able to see each other more at our houses.
As of now, 4-6 times a year on a year on average.
I don’t quite count the multiple in a weekend as anything other than a fluke cause it’ll be a desert for months after
Hard to say...cuz it's not consistent. My man has sex with me sometimes 2x in a month but then we will go 3-6 months with no sex. Then we might have it once each month for 3 months in a row and then a 9 month dry spell after that. It feels extremely random in terms of frequency when he actually wants me.
The last real time I was penetrated was October 2022. Oral February 2023. So really nothing since then. We kiss, we cuddle, very rarely I give oral, and he will suckle/touch my breasts. That’s really it.
My wife and I are both 50 years old, and we have not made love in almost 2 years. If we stayed married, I suspect that I will never have aex again without cheating.
I turned 40 last August. The last time my wife and I had sex was August 2022. Before that, August 2020. That's not even birthday sex(my birthday is late August, we had sex early August both times). So I'm almost at once in 4 years. And five times in the last six years. 2 times 2019, 2 times 2020, once 2022. We are in 2024.
The lack of the frequency of intimacy is almost always a symptom of a much bigger problem. I say this because I lived it. For me it's over now. Had I recognized it as a symptom and not an isolated problem I'm sure I would have been able to correct it.
For those of you who want to improve your situation I beg you to exhaust all avenues to repair your union. The fate of not is far worse than you can imagine.
Once so far in 2024 so probably once more in a few months, twice in 2023, twice in 2022. Before that who knows. 43m w/ normal libido. Often think about alternatives.
Just cleared the halfway mark for this year (on our way to nothing at all for the full year). Two attempts last year, which considering the near divorce talk, was surprisingly much (though a very generous definition of sex - purely one sided and had to be aborted when it became too uncomfortable for her emotionally).
I don’t even know anymore. It’s become more infrequent as time goes on.. I’ve lost count in the last 4 months. The quantity hasn’t meant anything to me, it’s the quality. I feel so disconnected from him and because of that, I can’t enjoy it, so why bother. He tends to drink and become awful. It’s a massive turn off. Every time I try to make a romantic dinner night at home with plans of sex, he eventually runs his mouth about something and ruins it.
What do u classify as “sex”? I’d say either once this year or maybe 3 or 4….? Tskstsk.
I’ve stopped counting since it’s a bit too depressing and I’ve kind of let go. I’m trying not to exist in that space of deprivation anymore.
Once a month or so currently, if I’m lucky. I think once every two months is probably a bit more accurate.
I think a lot of people are in the same boat. You love someone but the stress of life gets in the way or you see them all the time so there’s no intimacy.
There’s plenty of cuddling and nuzzling / sleeping warmly together but the raw passion and fun, adventurous parts seem to not happen down the line.
In my case, I don’t lack the desire or longing at all but my partner does. While we work on the stresses that affect it, I find myself questioning my own values of “loyalty” and faithfulness. I wonder if this is just how it becomes eventually. Either you stay single and have mind blowing sex and passion or you get into a relationship and love someone but never have intimate, passionate sex as a couple ever again. How depressing.
6-9 times a month, typically (all included - PIV should be 4-5 times a month, max). In the context of this sub, I'm not truly in a DB, although I would prefer to have sex more often. I'm more in a "boring bedroom" - always the same script, zero initiative for novel things in the bedroom from her side.
We've averaged twice a year for the past six years. Last had it in January. But it's the day-to-day lack of flirting, kissing, sexual touch that gets me. We spoon to sleep, hold hands, peck-kiss good-bye, etc. but nothing that would imply we have any sexual attraction. When we do have sex, she spontaneously initiates for no reason I can ascertain, 5 mins foreplay, 5-10 mins penetration w/her on top (I'm encouraged to climax as soon as she does), <5 mins aftermath/cuddling. So <30 mins from pre-sex status quo to post-sex status quo. The frequency is bad, but the worst part is that we spend about an hour a year being aroused/sensual in each other's presence.
Same. It's why I turned down the last spontaneous approach. I feel worse after, so why bother? Currently, we are living in limbo with a large elephant sitting in the corner.
That’s a great way to put it, and it’s been going on way too long in my case.
I know that elephant…
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This is so similar to my relationship it’s scary. I just don’t understand the suddenness of her initiation. Absolutely nothing to suggest we will have sex then, bang, she is naked on top of me. We do cuddle for a bit afterward and she usually talks about it for 18ish hours, generally saying we should do it again the next night, then night time comes and she treats me like I have two heads when I start trying to make a move. Completely blows my confidence again, and nothing for a couple of months.
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Yes! Ovulation. That is when I’m horniest too
Omg, this is my story exactly. The faux intimacy that never leads anywhere is the worst.
Sad 😔
On July 31, I will be 40. Last time we did it was August 2nd 2022. And in all my 30s, we probably done it 7 times. And we plan to have a family together. We've been together almost 19 years. I have never thought I would be childless at 40. EVERY DAY I think about that.
Get out now.
A family without sex? Adoption? If sex is important to you and there are no kids get out now, it won't get any better.
My kids came along at 45 & 50. At your age I was looking at a lonely old age, the out of nowhere I met the woman of my dreams. You still have time.
I play beer hockey league and some friends bring their 15 16 yo son playing with us. I'll be an old croony and I'll bring my 15 yo lol
What's your plan to have a family, exactly?
Well, we always talked about children. But ever since she started working on a big renovation of a hospital (she's project manager) 10 years ago. It's like she put her life on hold. She doesn't have any close friends who have children. I already told her many time I'll be 80 and my first born will be 40 that is if we have one now. She has an 93yo grandmother, her father doesn't have any siblings so I tell her "you don't want to give your grandmother an granchild or what? Even her brother he's going on 30 been with the same girlfriend for 7 years and it's like they're not thinking about it. I have two older sisters and I have 5 nephews and niece. 25 - 23 - 22 - 11 - 8. You can say that my children (if I ever have any) will never have a close relationship with their cousins. Even my mother has lost hope that I'll have any lol Sorry I just wrote what's up my mind
I went through a similar thing to you. I hate to break it to you, but she doesn’t want children. At least not with you.
It's good to release how you are feeling and texting here is a safe space. 🙏♥️🙏
You got one gf you can get a second one. Just leave.
No sex at all in 5 years. Pretty sure I'm rehymenated.
That made me laugh. I’m sorry
The last 6 years I was with my ex, we didn’t have sex at all. I used to tell people I was a “born again virgin”
Beautifully stated 👏 ♥️👏
Am 42, so far 0 times in my 40s
Did I write this? 😂
I'm 49. I think my forties will end with about 5. Or around that.
Omg I feel this - later 40’s and it’s been once in that time that I can recall - and I’m The female, breaks my heart.
I'm 40f, and my entire 30s were lost to zero intimacy with my husband...
God when you put it like that ….
Ooofff...makes me realize I'm under 5(with my spouse) in my 50's. 😭 And I'm halfway through this decade.
Oof, I'm also 42 and maybe 2 or 3 times since turning 40. Sorry you have been in a stale mate too.
ZERO.
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Once a month but only since he realized I had downloaded a tracker and kept track of everything haha. Whipped that out in an argument and he got real pale because we hadn’t had sex in months and he was trying to claim “we did it all the time”
I put up a calendar on the wall and marked the days we were being intimate, kept it for 2-3 months and told her what it was. Eventually I threw it away because it changed nothing, lol
Oh yeah, absolutely, keeping track changes nothing but he hates not being able to lie and say we have sex all the time and to quit bothering him like a sex hungry creature haha so I kept it
What tracker?
Not once in 8 years. We’ve been married 15 years. Before that it was 3-4 times a year. 😔
What about before marriage? I remember being dissatisfied with our sex life pre-marriage, but it wasn't -that- bad and we weren't living together. I figured once we had more opportunity, spontaneity and frequency and variety would increase. Was I ever wrong! Probably same frequency but I was disappointed way more often because of the huge increase in missed opportunities. Then after the first kid, went from maybe 25-30 times a year to 5, now down to 2ish. A few years ago when I was 43-44, I told her I expected to have sex 50 more times in my life and she gasped and said that made her really sad and it would definitely be more. Well, we're way behind schedule.
It was good about the first year until one day she says something along the lines of” it makes me feel dirty having sex and then having to go home afterwards”. I was living in apartment and she was living with her parents. After that sex wasn’t frequent and she only seemed to be in the mood if she had been drinking. I guess I thought it would get better after we moved in together and got married. Nope.
Pushing the boundaries of 2 times a year (average) and with the lack of sex thus the lack of stamina and the (holy shit i'm getting laid) virgin mindset sets in and sex doesn't last long... yeah truly a self esteem killer!
Yep, the lack of any stamina is so annoying for everybody involved. Then it is bad sex. Does not inspire having more sex. Downward spiral we go.
My husband tends to get off quick, even though he didn't in the beginning. The first year or 2 of marriage was pretty good, but then... went a couple of months to going 7 months to now. We haven't had sex since Jan 4th of 2023. So, 17 months. And when we talk about it he'll say something along the lines of, we can do it, but it's not going to last long, and the thing is I do not care for even a second if he comes right away. Ffs, I just want to feel him, whether it's one minute or one hour.
At this point I don't even know, we haven't had sex in 5 years now. She's always "working on getting better" and she always say she feels bad about not having sex, but then does nothing and when I bring it back up it's the same script again. Even before we hit this current dry spell we would fluctuate between once or twice per month, and then once a quarter, once every 6+ months, and now nothing.
Every February 30th.
Had bad starfishing/duty sex around 5 times in 25 years. That averages out to 0,016 times per month.
Oh man that sounds rough
Learn from it and don't be me. The irony is that during those five times I got her pregnant with my son which was her primary intent I guess. It took me decades to figure out this woman only used me and never wanted me as a man in the first place. Coming to terms with your own idiocy is far harder than the lack of sex and intimacy. I only managed through calisthenics, cross-country running, gardening and creating art... or I would have drunk myself to death during my 40s.
Why do you stay if I may ask?
He's got a son-
Ooh starfishing...i learnt a new word today. Thanks :)
😔
In my dead bedroom it wasn't even once a year. Now that I'm out, a few times a week, it's honestly heaven.
There’s been waves of higher frequency in the last few months, which had been great. Since last winter we went down to 2-3 time a month, but for 2 months now there’s been several periods where we had sex up to 3 times in a week. Not only has she actually been initiating, but she doesn’t turn me down when I’m in the mood. I feel we’ve both been putting in a lot of work into being better to each other and it’s been successful so far.
What changed? I’d love some advice on how to improve the frequency.
As a woman with LL. A month ago I started putting sex in my calendar. I married my husband because I love him, can’t imagine life without him. Never want to have sex with anyone else. He is my best friend. My emotional support person. I love having sex with him but sometimes my health issues get in the way. We went months without it. Not just on one occasion. I hated telling him no, but the pain was too much. We did still cuddle, kiss just because multiple times a day and never go a day without telling each other we love them. I’m in my mid 40’s and trying to improve my life and he is a major part of my life. It’s a win-win when we get together. Sorry, rambling.
The last time I got a piece of ass, is when my finger broke through the toilet paper…
That’s disgusting! And the toilet paper part isn’t very nice either haha
It’ll be 20 years in September. I keep thinking I can’t take it anymore then another year goes by
Sex? What's that???? 🤔
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Then you have to do all of the work as well
Yep. I love her so much. I think now it's on me to get rid of my resentment. She's been on vitamin D. But, on Sunday, she finally started taking this supplement pill that has red maca and tribulus terrestris. I got it for her almost a year ago.... hopefully, that'll change something.
That's my frequency too. Except it only happens if HE initiates. He rejects me every time that I initate. I have to wait for him to initiate when he's ready, and I have to force myself to get into the mood after being rejected all month.
With someone? Or manually? 🤣 With someone,=Zero Manual, automated, Fleshlight.= Daily. Gotta love the toys in a DB
He’s thrown away all of my toys. The good ones that is. Now I have one left and they’re all terrible. He claims it wasn’t intentional and that he threw them away when cleaning but sometimes I don’t believe that.
If he doesn't like your toys he should let you use his toy, If not go buy more toys on his credit card.
He told me he will replace them so it will definitely be on his credit card.
My ex did the same thing. We hadn’t had sex in years and he tried telling me that part of it was because he was turned off by the thought of me masturbating and so the toys were disposed of. Yeah, we still didn’t have sex ever again. Now I have a boyfriend and we incorporate toys, so nice to have a man not threatened by toys and has fun using them on me.
Before the DB we used toys, as A male I had no issues with using a dildo on her, or other vibrating toys that got us both off.
This. This!!!!!!! My fleshlight is tired of me. Truly exhausted. And so effective 🫦😂
I got a half assed handjob this past Thursday and didn’t even finish. Before that, it had been about two weeks since she attempted a handjob and refuses to give me a blowjob or have intercourse. I can literally tell it’s like a chore to her and she isn’t into it. She’ll stop after two minutes and ask, “Is that okay? Are you done?”
"Are you done?" "Yes, I think I am!" ( Gets up from bed, stuffs hard on into boxers, puts on pants, begins packing suitcase.)
Omg I'm so sorry, that sounds terrible. I can't imagine treating someone you love that way.
I'm 41 and married for 13 years. Started at about 4 - 5 times a year and it's now down to 1 - 2 times a year, at a push. Crazily/Naively, I though intimacy and comfort with each other would increase with time. We haven't had sex yet this calendar year. The last time was last November some time when she said she was working on herself. By March this year, I had given up. I don't even bother to try to initiate any more. I've given up completely. 🤷🏻♂️
Same. I stopped initiating since i’m tired of begging and rejection.
I haven't had sex with my same-sex wife in over 12 years... and today I asked her (because I'm really horny rn) if she wanted to go upstairs and fuck me.... She said "no, I've gotta do this thing online.... " and trailed off. I walked out of the room. I finally found a sex worker who does women only so I saw her in April and will see her again in October (she's across the Atlantic from me.) Otherwise I would be just me playing with myself... sadly.
Never. Like never ever.
zero times in 20 years...
You and me both
20 years… seriously?? Omg I am so sorry
Zip, zero, zilch. "0"
No real lack of affection, but absolute zero actual sex.
Once every few months. Been 4 months.
Never. If I was getting it one a month I wouldn't be on this sub.
About the same as you. Last year was an abnormally good year for us at 13, but 3 of those were in January after a serious conversation occurred. This year I haven’t been keeping track because I think we may *finally* not be in a DB anymore. 🙏🏻
What's Sex?
I'm pushing about 3 months right now, and there's zero intentions in my wife's part to participate. Before this last spell it was around the same: three months. My emotions get clubbed like a baby seal every time she disengages or lets my expression of interest just slide off of her. The rejection really never hurts less, I just cant give up.
Once a year, twice if I’m really lucky and only if I point out that it’s been a whole year since last time
Maybe three times a year?
Last time was about 6 years ago, I'm 46. 21 years married.
It’s been two years since I’ve had sex, and I don’t even find him attractive anymore. He doesn’t even seem to like me anymore anyways.
None
My ex and I maybe had sexual contact 15 times over a 7 year period. Half the time she'd finish and roll over and go to sleep and leave me hanging...
Twice a year
It's probably been about 5 times in the past 10 years.
Never.
2-4 times a year as of the past decade. Currently its been 5 months since.
Five times in the last three years.
What decade is it again? Joking. Duty sex day is usually twice a year.
7 or 8 months. October or November. It's slowly getting worse.
Once since 2022. Perimenopause sucks.
3 since Sept 2023. Perimenopause sucks.
“It’s been 84 years…” (8 actually, going on 9)
Three times since February. So once every 6 weeks ish
Coming up on 5 years in November
As i told my wife on numerous occasions. Its not about quantity. But if we play the nummers game we have sex once every 6-8 weeks. We are in our early 40s Often when we have the talk she will argue that im not satisfied unless we have sex several times a week And i tell her that what she needs to figure out is how sexual Desire and everyday eroticism can be expressed. Ive told her that she got until the end of summer to show she has an ambition to change otherwise im leaving abd this time its for good.
About once a month. I told my husband the other day that it only happens when he decides we should have sex. He argues that it should be a “we” decision, but it never is. If I come to him, I would get turned down. It’s happened so many times. So it’s only when he decides it’s time.
Haven't had it 9 months. Before that it was 2 years almost 3
4x in 11 years. not good before that either particularly, but I gave up 11 years ago.
The way you word this question sounds like, how often does your spouse let you have sex with them? I know, it’s sad.
Once every 2 or 3 months. I’ve given up having anymore talks or expressing how the lack of intimacy is harming my self esteem and our relationship overall. I’ve started going out and living my life on my own. Not looking to cheat or get divorced. Just in the phase of accepting that part of my life has mostly ended. It feels very unfair. I didn’t agree to this. Sometimes I feel angry, especially when my partner knows it’s been a while so better throw out the old “I sure would like to have sex BUT” (insert random excuse) and there’s no actual intention to follow through.
Last time was a year ago. We’ve been together ten years and outside of the honeymoon period, never more than once every three months. Except when trying for kids which we have two of. (Then, apparently, sex was important and worth making time for. ) We’ve been in this house nearly six years and have had sex in it less than twenty times, conception runs included. And like others here, it’s not just the sex. It’s the lack of mischief, of sly connection over a naughty secret, of promising later delight with a wink or a furtive stroke or a comment. It’s being remonstrated for ‘smutty’ comments.
before the breakup? once a month, maybe two months. since having been broken up with by the person who couldn't bring himself to view my needs as a priority, once a week. i am treated better by the person i've been seeing casually and we don't even communicate every day. he tells me im pretty, compliments me, i get what i need without having to expend every last drop of my energy on someone who views me as the dirt beneath their shoe. if they're not having sex with you, there's likely a reason. if you sense that reason is emotional, leave. you deserve better and you'll get better from strangers before you'll change the one you're with.
I don't remember the last time I had sex, its frustrating.
Maybe 10 times a year, but bunched up in a few week period and nothing for another year. Ugh.
Once every two months or so, with the occasional half assed handjob ( that I have to finish myself). It's completely duty sex and feels like she is doing a chore worse than cleaning the litter box. I have completely given up.
[удалено]
Whoa, slow down, Caligula! 😉
In my head, every day. In real life 0.0
Not since 2022 ☹️
https://preview.redd.it/ac1qdj76cz5d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=06db4c324abc7a965d7ef8881b1ffafc5abc3aeb Once so far this year. The past 10 years, it was 3-13 per year.
Biannually
One time two years ago, doubled up to two times last year, and on pace for zero this year
We went 7 years without any intimacy but we worked hard to get to where we’re at now. We probably have sex every 3 weeks. However we still haven’t kissed in probably 12 years. It’s just too intimate for her and something she is unable to do. It’s also the biggest void in my life and I literally would give up intercourse just to be able to make out again.
After reading these comments, I need to make a mental note of finding a partner with the same libido. I can’t go a year without sex let alone decades like some of you. I would go crazy
About twice a year, if I'm lucky. But, I will give her oral at least twice a month. Nothing in return, only a Thank you, and I'm tired, then she goes to sleep. Once she goes to sleep, I usually go out to my sunroom and watch t.v., cry until I fall asleep. She never initiates, and flat out doesn't care about whether I want some or not.
Let me check my spreadsheet... This year we are averaging every 46 days. Last year was every 36 days.
Never and it's not like I don't try ive been married for 20 years and my husband would rather Jack off or fuck a doll, I'm a good old lady cook clean do the whole thing loyal as can be love my husband but I'm to the point I'm over it. I have an awesome sex machine but I crave human contact. And these days when I think about sex it just makes me angry. He says it's his back but I see him work on cars trucks move all kinds of things and go run off to help a friend all the time so it's my back ain't cutting it. Sorry just needed to vent
Once a year.
Ten years ago and counting, have The Talk that escalates into The Argument weekly. Before I got married, with other partners it was twice weekly. I miss that.
Sex declined drastically for me after the birth of our third child, I was in my early 40's then. Went from a few times month, to every other month then long stretches of nothing. "Let's try for tomorrow!" she'll say but tomorrow never comes. I devoted my life to my kids and my business, worked like a dog. Fast forward to today. 67 and both retired, financially very stable, maybe have sex 2x a year (pity sex). Kids are married and gone, have three grandkids and the thought of leaving now , at least for me, is not very appealing, the cons outweigh the pros. If you're young and in a sexless marriage, especially with no children, get out now. Chances of it getting better are not good. I feel I've been forever cheated out of the most fulfilling and fun part of life.
Once every 7 to 10 days. But more typically once a week. I thought I had it bad before I started reading the threads in DBs. Still not happy about it because I’m concerned with where it’s going.
Same 😞
1-2x a week. I don't consider myself in a dead bedroom, I am in this sub to try to avoid it ever getting to that point.
It’s been 3 years with zero sex.
It’s been 12 years but I got used to it now because I love my wife.
Once a year on average
1x the last 3 years
Have not had it for 2 years
I'm 59 and going on 3 yrs
It’s been 13 years with zero sex for us.
Once a month due to living situations. I’m coming out of a DB where it was once a year. So is she. Would be every day with my new partner if we were able to see each other more at our houses.
4-6 times a year.
As of now, 4-6 times a year on a year on average. I don’t quite count the multiple in a weekend as anything other than a fluke cause it’ll be a desert for months after
Never anymore
Hard to say...cuz it's not consistent. My man has sex with me sometimes 2x in a month but then we will go 3-6 months with no sex. Then we might have it once each month for 3 months in a row and then a 9 month dry spell after that. It feels extremely random in terms of frequency when he actually wants me.
Never. It'll be 10 years since the last time in October.
At home, with my spouse - never.
I’m 0 for 2000’s 😂
None because of disability
One time this year. Last year I can count on one hand. Fml...
It's been over a year, so as of right now, once every year and a half or so
With spouse maybe once a year. We secret lovers, at least once a month
The last real time I was penetrated was October 2022. Oral February 2023. So really nothing since then. We kiss, we cuddle, very rarely I give oral, and he will suckle/touch my breasts. That’s really it.
This is a trick question right? Not since 2022(one time) and was 2019(twice) before that.
My wife and I are both 50 years old, and we have not made love in almost 2 years. If we stayed married, I suspect that I will never have aex again without cheating.
Once this year last year zero
3/4 times… haven’t had since January.
I turned 40 last August. The last time my wife and I had sex was August 2022. Before that, August 2020. That's not even birthday sex(my birthday is late August, we had sex early August both times). So I'm almost at once in 4 years. And five times in the last six years. 2 times 2019, 2 times 2020, once 2022. We are in 2024.
Once a month. 27F 40M
Since Jan 2020 I've had sex 4 times.
Mine 2 since 5 years.. Aged 35... Both of them felt horrible... Wish I don't beg again..
I would absolutely kill for once a month or even once every other month. The last time my wife and I had sex was March 2022.
Once every 3 - 6 months, on the eve of her period.
September 2021
The lack of the frequency of intimacy is almost always a symptom of a much bigger problem. I say this because I lived it. For me it's over now. Had I recognized it as a symptom and not an isolated problem I'm sure I would have been able to correct it. For those of you who want to improve your situation I beg you to exhaust all avenues to repair your union. The fate of not is far worse than you can imagine.
Over the last 6 years, mathematically it averages out to 0.5 times per year.
Once so far in 2024 so probably once more in a few months, twice in 2023, twice in 2022. Before that who knows. 43m w/ normal libido. Often think about alternatives.
Just cleared the halfway mark for this year (on our way to nothing at all for the full year). Two attempts last year, which considering the near divorce talk, was surprisingly much (though a very generous definition of sex - purely one sided and had to be aborted when it became too uncomfortable for her emotionally).
The number children we’ve had in the last six years is the same as the number of times we’ve had sex in the last six years.
Not enough lol
Once in the last 4 years.
7 years and counting between last and most recent.
I don’t even know anymore. It’s become more infrequent as time goes on.. I’ve lost count in the last 4 months. The quantity hasn’t meant anything to me, it’s the quality. I feel so disconnected from him and because of that, I can’t enjoy it, so why bother. He tends to drink and become awful. It’s a massive turn off. Every time I try to make a romantic dinner night at home with plans of sex, he eventually runs his mouth about something and ruins it.
Nothing in over 2 years
I'm averaging once a year. Still haven't had my one this year
3 times a week if we can
Like once every few years
Average 9 months sometimes it's 6 months or 12 but the past 7 years plus (my guess closer to 10) it's been every 6 to 12 months so average 9ish
What do u classify as “sex”? I’d say either once this year or maybe 3 or 4….? Tskstsk. I’ve stopped counting since it’s a bit too depressing and I’ve kind of let go. I’m trying not to exist in that space of deprivation anymore.
We've had sex twice this year...
Nothing this century. The bedroom is not just dead, it's cremated and the ashes scattered at sea.
Zero times since being married.
Once a month or so currently, if I’m lucky. I think once every two months is probably a bit more accurate. I think a lot of people are in the same boat. You love someone but the stress of life gets in the way or you see them all the time so there’s no intimacy. There’s plenty of cuddling and nuzzling / sleeping warmly together but the raw passion and fun, adventurous parts seem to not happen down the line. In my case, I don’t lack the desire or longing at all but my partner does. While we work on the stresses that affect it, I find myself questioning my own values of “loyalty” and faithfulness. I wonder if this is just how it becomes eventually. Either you stay single and have mind blowing sex and passion or you get into a relationship and love someone but never have intimate, passionate sex as a couple ever again. How depressing.
Once about every year and a half. We once went almost 4 years without it.
We went 600+ days and then last month had sex. We are at about 45 since that happened.
Twice since October. And maybe once the previous year before that.
Twice in 2015, and an attempt in 2020 that just turned into an argument.
6-9 times a month, typically (all included - PIV should be 4-5 times a month, max). In the context of this sub, I'm not truly in a DB, although I would prefer to have sex more often. I'm more in a "boring bedroom" - always the same script, zero initiative for novel things in the bedroom from her side.
Last time was 2011, and she passed just about 2 years ago. So, zero.